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236 pages, Hardcover
Published October 19, 2015


One night in Paris, a skinny wolf snuck into the Louvre. After weeks spent nibbling on garbage and passed-out drunks in alleyways -- little pieces they wouldn't miss -- it was the first place that felt safe. Wandering the long corridors, he came to the Department of French Paintings, and stopped to investigate the false windows. It was there he developed a taste for fine art... literally. He had a sweet tooth, and gorged himself on some of the Rococo section's most sugary compositions, devouring Boucher's and Fragonard's until he developed a sudden onset of Canine diabetes. He was a wild creature, but even the wolf was a little ashamed by the 20 pounds of evil-smelling shit he left behind. The next morning, museum security were predictably horrified. The curators pointed fingers and screeched and wept, the pain of the loss echoing through the dead palace like a rusty blade dissecting naked souls. The janitors were more pragmatic. Appointing themselves assistant curators to the wolf, they carefully bottled the scat in a borrowed Seifferd goblet. They then placed the 18th Century receptacle in the center of the room. On the walls were black and white photos of the paintings, before the wolf had 'revitalized' them as 'organic sculptures'. The impromptu exhibition was simply entitled 'Post Art', and it was generally well-received... particularly by a slightly younger Gerhard Richter. It gave him ideas about the embarrassing paintings which would become 'Volume 1' of his Catalogue Raisonne. He dedicated his next show to the wolf, and made a large pile of all his earliest canvases, 'revitalizing' them with kerosene and a match. He collected the ashes in clinical looking jars, and labelled them as 'Volume 1' of his Catalogue Raisonne. A secret campaign was launched to find the 'Wolf who Laid the Priceless Crap', led by a cabal of artists: Glenn Brown, Walton Ford, Akira Yamaguchi, and Mark Tansey. They eventually found him in a slimy Parisian dumpster he had made his atelier, and were dumbstruck by the sight -- the wolf had been crapping non-stop for days, and simultaneously rearranging the broken pieces of art-dung into two dimensional compositions adorning the dumpster walls, with many others stacked neatly to one end... every piece was a smelly work of pure genius. Galleries were uncertain how to market this exciting young talent, especially since he had a tendency to snarl and bite potential customers. It was decided to launch a complete image makeover... the wolf was equipped with an animatronic human costume and the name 'Wolfe Von Lenkiewicz'... very cheeky. And as it turns out, assuming a personality that's insanely erudite, pretentious-but-somehow-charming, and deadly-witty with weaponized quips, isn't all that fucking hard... there's an APP for THAT. So Wolfe Von Lenkiewicz, the skinny canine artist wearing an animatronic Man-suit, began dazzling and abusing the Contemporary Art scene. He was equipped with an A.I.-brain implant and digital vocoder that recycles and repurposes the best of Vincent Desiderio, the Chapman Bros, John Lennon, Johnny Lydon, and Odd Nerdrum; it's capable of firing 1000 anti-Artforum jargon-rounds a second, an assault no critic can handle, and no rich customer can resist. So... now his shitty paintings command 5 and 6-figure price-tags."
























