I care so much about the politics of this trash novel from 2008, it’s upsetting.
I read the back cover of this book at a Goodwill, and I was bewitched by the terrible sounding premise and characters, and I was not disappointed. It was fun to read, But not in a cute, harmless, campy way, but as in I would physically recoil in disgust or actually scream aloud every other page because it was so embarrassing.
I’m just going to list all the fucked up shit in a numbered list.
1. The “Good” Vampires are Catholic and go to mass?
2. The protagonists are chronically unlikable. Their flaws are uninteresting and don’t actually present problems within the narrative, making them ridiculously boring.
3. There’s some weird internalized sexism happening with how the majority of the female characters are portrayed. Every woman who isn’t Toni (or protagonists from previous books) are brainless bimbos, which I expected from a 2008 vampire romance novel but it’s still trying hard to do a Girl power thing with Toni and it just does not work.
3. The whole book is just filled to the brim with blatant racism. Phineas is nothing short of a complete racial caricature. He is a hyper-sexual former drug dealer who uses woefully butchered AAVE, he is a racist white woman’s fever dream of a black man. I feel it’s also important to point out that the name Phineas means “The Nubian” or “The Dark Skinned One”, and being literally the ONLY black character in this book (and I believe the entire series) he is LITERALLY “The Black One.”
6. Then there’s Carlos, a flamboyant Brazilian Anthropology Major, who is a racial AND homophobic caricature (He is apparently revealed to be not actually gay later in the series, despite the protagonists assertion that he is throughout this book. I masochistically read portions of “Eat, Prey Love”, the book focusing on Carlos’ character, and bewilderingly, he’s just pretending to be gay for??? Clout, I guess? He didn’t like women fawning on him and apparently this was the only way he could get them to leave him alone (like being flamboyantly gay has ever stopped straight women from trying to fuck gay men, but whatever.)).
7. He (or rather, Kerrelyn Sparks,) seems to only know two words in Portuguese, Menina (Little girl) and Merda (Shit) and they are peppered in almost every line of Carlos’ dialogue. It’s obnoxious.
8. The sex scene (yes, in this vampire smut book there is only one scene where the protagonists fuck) is bad in the boring way sex written by heterosexual women is. There is use of the words “waggled”, “tweaked”, and “juicy”. They are also dressed as Santa Claus and an Elf (I had, in all honesty, forgotten this was supposed to be a Christmas book despite the title and it was jarring.)