The Bad Mother

by Marguerite Andersen, Donald Winkler (Translator)

Translated from the award-winning French novel La mauvaise mère, prolific author Marguerite Andersen fictionalizes the important moments of her life resulting in this unflinching account of her relationship with her three children and her years spent following her caprices and lovers, trying to regain the agency she lost when she became a mother.

Born in Germany, Marguerite was just into her twenties when she moved to Tunisia with her French lover. She thought she was choosing a life of adventure and freedom, but what she got was children and a marriage that quickly became abusive. Constrained by the minutiae of everyday life, Marguerite longs for the agency to make her own choices. Eventually she flees, leaving her children behind for a year and a half.

As the world labels her a wife, a mother, and eventually a bad mother, Marguerite wrestles with her own definition of personhood. Can you love your children and want your own life at the same time?

A half-century later, this fictionalized account of Andersen's life is written with brutal honesty, in spare, pithy, and often poetic prose, as she expresses her own conflicted feelings concerning a difficult time and the impact it had on her sense of self. Andersen confronts the large and small choices that she made—the times she stayed and the times she didn't—all the while asking, "What kind of mother am I?"

Genres: Fiction, Canada, Female Authors, Parenting, Literary Fiction

216 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2013

Reviews

[Esil · Rating 4 out of 5]

4+ stars. I knew nothing about The Bad Mother when I started reading it other than I had seen an enthusiastic review earlier on Goodreads that made it sound intriguing. I’m glad I followed the lead because I loved this tiny book. I’m not sure I can do it justice or describe why I liked it so much, but here goes. The Bad Mother is a very sparse fictionalized memoir. Today, Marguerite Anderson is 89 years old. She was born in Berlin and lived through WWII, after which she moved to Tunisia with her husband at the time, ultimately moving to Montreal and by the end of the book living in Toronto. She had two sons with her husband in Tunisia, and much later she had a daughter with a man in Montreal. She was mostly a single mother, managed to work her way through university, and ultimately was a professor of French literature. The memoir comes across as a sort of stream of consciousness accounting or reckoning – an examination of her life, with some focus on decisions she made as a mother. Her life was certainly unconventional – she describes herself as one of the first feminist authors in Quebec and she clearly struggled in her earlier years with the expectations she faced as a mother and a woman. But her love and her strong bond with her children shine through. So it seems cruel that at 89 she feels the need to go through this exercise of creating a balance sheet of sorts – a good mother/bad mother ledger. But as a reader, I am grateful for this impulse. Anderson writes so simply – often in fragments closer to poetry than prose – but beautifully about her life, her children, her relationships, the places she has lived, her work. There are some pitch perfect images and emotions. And it’s done with moving humbleness. And as a mother, it’s not hard to identify with the impulse to account, to develop a balance sheet – good mother or bad mother – but when seen through the eyes of someone else, it is heartbreaking, human and at times beautiful. The very end of the book takes Anderson to Toronto – which is where I live. And oddly, that fact alone brought a smile to my face. I liked the idea that this smart strong woman’s path has led to my city – a city full of people who have come from elsewhere with complex stories – and that our paths may have crossed. I’m not sure I’ve conveyed the power of this tiny little book. I do highly recommend it for anyone comfortable with unconventional prose, and who understands the impulse to constantly question what kind of mother am I? what kind of parent am I? Part way through The Bad Mother, I realized that this book was originally written in French. Had I known, I would have read it in its original French but the translation is excellent. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy.

[Lolly K Dandeneau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this, devoured it.

"I laugh it off. I like it when my sons revolt."

If she's a bad mother, we'd all do well to have one! I adored the writing and every character within. Herein lies the struggles of trying to be the right kind of mother and the hunger to remain a person of one's own too. I don't feel it's always easy for a mother to describe the hungers that still exist, as if once a you become a mother you are dead from the neck down. It is insight into how a mother's every move affects her children's existence and the grief we give ourselves over every mistake! How we punish ourselves, even though everyone else already unfairly does too.

"We don't see each other, we do't hear each other, we don't touch each other. We are not together.
I am the amputated mother.
How to prevent the good in one's existence from being snuffed out by the contrary winds of the day-to-day?
I fill my days with study and work.
I flirt.
A man cheers me up.
I reproach myself for it."

The Bad Mother is like having free license to explore a very intimate diary. I felt such empathy as she longed for her children during divorce. "I write to my children- does he give them my letters?-...

Longing to know who her children's friends are, knowing her little one has started reading, are they happy or sad (all this in a time before computers, etc.) oh the terrible ache of amputation from one's own children indeed. And all her lawyer can advise is 'Patience.'
I giggled at the some of the appalling memories being asked of her now elderly son. "I am told that he had become a difficult child,tending to wildness, that is was all because of me, his vagabond mother who'd abandoned him, that he stole money from his grandmother's wallet, ate hidden chocolates, put cockroaches in the beds and pantry, didn't wash his ears, and bit the fingers of the 'dirty old' grandmother if she insisted he do so."
What is not to love about this book?
It's been a while since a book makes me laugh as much as I ache, and for the 'bad mother' as much as for her children. Even the short chapters that have quick conversations are fully loaded and there is never a lack in storytelling.
I think I went highlight crazy on my kindle arc.
I am in love with this family, Martin and his little schemes tickled me (I was reminded so much of my father's stories of his childhood antics in Hungary, not the criminal side of it- ha ha- but certainly his inventiveness). Her reactions to her 'little criminal son' were so endearing and yet she does sometimes dispense of her child for her selfish needs. Is it any shock Martin is indeed such a strong outspoken child with such a mother?
It is a fast read but don't think that means it's not a filling one. I can't wait to see what my fellow readers feel about this. It's a keeper!

[Ivonne Rovira · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nominated for the Prix des lecteurs de Radio-Canada in its original French, Marguerite Andersen has penned a poignant semiautobiographical novel in free verse about the endless guilt and the difficult choices that beset most mothers.

Born in Germany, Andersen embarks on a peripatetic life where — like most mothers — she has to weigh her children’s needs and desires against her own. She follows her French lover from England to Tunisia before fleeing to Canada to escape this controlling, violent man. She lived in North Dakota and Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, as well. Like all mothers, decades later, despite being a feminist, she’s still guilt-wracked and second-guessing decisions small and large.

I devoured the first part of slim novel/memoir, which at 296 pages, still seemed short. A feminist myself, I still second-guess so many decisions regarding my children, and I completely identified with Andersen’s sense of never being a good-enough mother and her constant guilt, the question “Am I a bad mother?” constantly playing in my head, too.

However, once her children became teenagers and she takes up with the Dane who will become her second husband, Andersen loses some steam. Despite this, I still recommend The Bad Mother to all the women out there who have second-guessed themselves. Which is to say, all of us. And, on the strength of this novel’s auspicious beginning, I award it four stars.

In the interest of full disclosure, I received this book from NetGalley and Second Story Press in exchange for an honest review.

[JiHye-Sarah Roy]

(Lu dans un cadre universitaire)

J’ai malheureusement des opinions trop conflictuelles et personnelles sur le sujet de l’œuvre et sur la narratrice pour être en mesure de donner une critique juste et sensée.

Mais si je peux me permettre le commentaire; je n’arrive pas à avoir de l’empathie envers une mauvaise mère, peu importe le message féministe derrière ses actions.

[Barbara Rohde · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written in spare prose bordering on poetry, this autobiographical work explores the meaning of motherhood and all its contradictions. Marguerite is fearless in exposing her flawed self that is almost shocking in its stark delivery. While it's a short book, Andersen doesn't waste a word managing to evoke the most vivid portrayal of a mother's relationship with her children throughout their lives.

[Alison Jacques · Rating 5 out of 5]

I need to think about this a bit before coming up with a rating -- but my thoughts are definitely positive.

OK, I came back and gave it 5 stars because I have kept thinking about this book since finishing it, and I don't necessarily do that. This is just a lovely little book. I would even read it again.

[Paula · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to goodreads and Second Story Press for a free copy of this book.
The Bad Mother is Marguerite Anderson's honest and unflinching account of her life as a mother. She begins and ends her story in the present at 89 years of age, acknowledging that she was a bad mother and apologizing to her children. I found the beginning particularly touching as her children try to convince her that she wasn't in fact a bad mother at all.
She uses words sparingly but with great effect, conveying emotions beautifully. The chapters and the book itself are short and easy to read.
I was a bit confused about whether this is a memoir or a work of fiction. It appears to be both. I find that disappointing as I am not able to trust the narrator as to what is fact and what is fiction.
I found it hard to relate to and empathize with her character and the choices that she made. However, her brutal honesty about her life choices is commendable.

[Erika Nerdypants · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was hooked when I saw the title. No phrase in the English language is more loaded than "good mother" Anderson, in thinly disguised fiction unflinchingly takes a look at her mothering and does not avert her gaze. What does it mean to be a "good mother", and what sacrifices can reasonably be expected from a person in the pursuit of motherhood? This book snuck up on me. By about the middle I found myself weeping. Anderson puts it all on the line with gut wrenching honesty, clothed in the finery of exquisite prose. Some chapters read like beautiful stand-alone poems that made me forget for a moment that this is a fictionalized narrative. Anderson the mother neither seeks nor wants absolution, and in gazing inwards allows the reader to see how her choices and decisions were shaped by patriarchy and societal expectations of women at the time. Heart breaking, personal and a powerful piece of feminist writing.

[Mandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This very short but very powerful memoir is a work that any mother will be able to relate to. It’s a reflective and confessional autobiographical meditation on the author’s time as a mother, the decisions and choices she made, the mistakes, the eternal conflict between her own selfhood and the demands of her children. I found it compulsive reading. Lyrically written, it’s not a conventional memoir by any means but an interior monologue on what it’s like to be a mother, a good one or a bad one, or maybe just a good enough one.

[TD · Rating 5 out of 5]

One I'll read again over the years.

This translation is in blank verse, which allows Andersen's story to evocatively unfurl at a rapid pace. "Bad mother" is the label she applies to herself, but the story she tells is more nuanced without becoming an apologia. Rarely, the voices of her children peek through, softening and providing insight into the outcome of her mothering decisions.

[Jennifer G · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a bit sad, but interesting. It felt like it was written in the style of one big, long poem. Although I am not a fan of poetry, I liked the book.

[Alexis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for the 2019 Book Riot Read Harder Challenge, prompt: translated work by or translated by a woman.

This edged towards 4/5 for me. The formatting is not your typical novel. Instead, Andersen uses an almost poetic format which, at times, is a brilliant literary device to direct emphasis, although sometimes I thought it broke up a single thought and made things jumpy.

The themes of this book (motherhood, societal expectations of women, overcoming adversity, family conflict) hit hard. The book’s stream of thought style leant itself well to the narrative and allowed the reader to hone in on the author’s internal conflict, which is the point of the book and might have been lost in more typical prose. Instead, the narrative is keenly focused. No word is wasted. There is enough setting to place the story, but not enough to draw you out of the narrator’s headspace. There is enough description to convey a sense of events and plot, but not so much that the narrative stalls at any point.

Well written, poignant and heart wrenching in places.
In terms of flaws, I thought the ending came a little quickly.

[Mariane · Rating 4 out of 5]

4,5/5

La maternité, c’est un thème quasi universel. Quand on la vit, on se rend compte que ce n’est pas facile.

C’est avec une plume poétique et intime que Marguerite Andersen prend du recul sur cet aspect de sa vie. Elle raconte comment elle est devenue mère, nous décrit l’enfance et l’adolescence de ses enfants, surtout de ses fils, ainsi que les galères qu’elle a dû affronter pour les élever. Elle insiste sur un aspect important de sa maternité, cependant: ses erreurs de mère. Tout ce qu’elle a fait de mal, de pas assez bien. Ce qu’elle se reproche.

Alors que je lisais l’autrice qui essaie de se réconcilier avec elle-même, je me suis un peu réconciliée avec la mauvaise mère moi. Si certains textes personnels sont difficile à lire, celui-ci a su trouver un profond écho en moi, il a résonné avec force. Nous ne sommes pas parfaites, mais certainement faisons-nous de notre mieux dans les conditions avec lesquelles nous vivons.

Enfin, cela semblera bizarre, mais je souhaite conclure sur cette citation de l’émission pour enfants Bluey, lorsque Chilli explique avec sagesse à sa fille: « À l’école des mamans, nous faisons toutes des erreurs. »

[Enid Wray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book, if for nothing other than the style... I thoroughly enjoyed the 'poetic' prose. It kept things moving along at a brisk pace, and distilled the story down to the bare bones, providing the reader with lots of scope to consider the impact of what was being read without distraction.
Read it also for the bravery - both then and now.
Then, to put self before family, to know - fundamentally and deeply within oneself - that you cannot be a 'good' mother unless you are also true to yourself.
Now, to put it down in words. To lay it out and subject oneself to the criticism that most surely would follow - for the admission of the facts. For laying bare the fear that all mothers have, the burden of the weight of societal expectations, the labelling as a 'bad' mother.
Now, also, in the coming to terms with one's own life... in the wisdom gained, and imparted.
We are who we are and we can only do our best at any given moment in time.

[Angélique (MapleBooks) · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Me voilà mère. Définitivement. Irrévocablement mère à vie."

La mauvaise mère est une autofiction écrite souvent sous la forme poétique, avec une honnêteté et simplicité touchantes. C'est un ouvrage surtout dédié à la culpabilité ressentie par une mère dont les aspirations intellectuelles et amoureuses s'opposent à une vision traditionnelle de la mère au foyer, soumise et dévouée, des années 50. L'écriture est belle et sincère, le livre est émouvant et se lit en une traite. Une lecture agréable.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed the unbound style in which this was written. I might have given it five stars if not for the annoying recurrence of "I could never have imagined that [insert obvious probable outcome] would happen." She's a smart woman, and these lapses seem disingenuous. It was as if she were undermining her own goal of coming clean about her "bad" motherhood.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rather a weak start but picked up after a couple of (short) chapters.

[Anouk Petit · Rating 3 out of 5]

Des questions qui resteront sans réponse, mais qui semble faire partie des réflexions « normales » d’une mère. Magnifique roman, plein d’honnêteté, de fragilité et d’amour.

[Isabelle Lessard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Transparence sur la parentalité féminine: la culpabilité, l’amour, l’émancipation

[Chantal Bourbonnais · Rating 4 out of 5]

Texte puissant et très poétique. J'ai bien aimé!

[Michelle Robert]

Read for class

[Sarah-Ève Brodeur · Rating 4 out of 5]

Entre échecs et victoires, mais quand les échecs sont ceux d’une relation parent-enfant, ça confirme pour une millième fois mon désir de ne pas être mère.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marguerite, a German-born woman, moves to Tunisia with her French lover. She wanted a life of freedom and adventure, but it quickly turned to one of marriage, children, and abuse. She eventually runs away from her husband and children, leaving them in his care for a year and a half. Marguerite does end up returning to care for her children, but throughout the book she describes herself as a bad mother.

And honestly, I really thought she was a bad mother. I wrestled with this book — not in the "do I continue or not" kind of way, but in the "what is going on why is Marguerite doing this" kind of way. But that does not mean that I didn't enjoy the book. The novel took me on a whirlwind of emotions and facial expressions. I read it on the subway going to and from my internship and I swear people wondered what I was reading because my thoughts of the book played across my face while reading it (they do when I read anything, really, but this book just took my expressions all over the place).

When I started reading the book, I was thinking that it was "just okay", maybe rating it a 3/5*, but as I continued reading, it just progressively got better and I was amazed, leading it up to my rating of 5/5*. After around the halfway point is when my rating went up to a 4, but I started to think to myself, who is this about (because it's quite confusing considering the author and main character are both named Marguerite)? I was constantly asking myself "Who is speaking? Is this the character? Is this the author? I'M SO CONFUSED!"
Oh but let me tell you something. THE BOOK ADDRESSED THAT. That really blew my mind and just upped the rating to a 5. I had a new-found love for the character, the author, and the book. This semi-autobiographical, semi-poetic book took me away on a journey of one woman's life and I am so glad I had the chance to read it. If you are a fan of literature — and I'm thinking 'English Major' type stuff — I highly recommend giving this book a chance.

[Yanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in french. It was a really quick reading. The author gives details about her life but not too much at the same time. Maybe this the reason I appreciate this book.

She describe the mistake that she made with her 3 kids, more precisely her 2 son's.

He can push you to think what type of mother you are with your kids and mistakes that you had, have and will make.

The way that the book is written is different than other book. A chapter will be one page.

[Penny (Literary Hoarders) · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars I quite enjoyed this very different read - much of it is written in verse - and is the author's fictionalized account of her life. Each chapter is short and questions and self-confronts her suitability of being a good mother / or bad mother. Her need for her self, her own independence overshadows the proper and societal expectations of motherhood.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

I went to insane lengths to get this because I loved the sound of it and love books that demythologise motherhood. Quick read, fairly good but my expectations were too lofty!

[Doris · Rating 1 out of 5]

Spoiler alert....she was a bad mother.