Dear Adoptive Parents, Things you need to know right now from an adoptee

by Madeleine Melcher

Adoption is how you came to be a family--not a parenting style. Be the parent you are meant to be--the parent your child needs you to be, today. Adoptee, author, speaker, blogger and mommy, Madeleine Melcer is honest and full of candor regarding the realities of adoption and what that means to your parenting.

Genres: Adoption

90 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2015

Reviews

[Jenny (Reading Envy)]

Self published and the tone is too juvenile to get anything out of. The author needed some guidance on how a book is different from a blog post, how and when to use capital letters and bold text. She insists her opinions are right through these methods instead of, I dunno, actual research or talking to any other adoptees.

[Havebooks Willread · Rating 4 out of 5]

This quick book, while not particularly deep or profound, was a breath of fresh air. Too often in the adoption world, everything is negative and I can come away feeling like I've made a huge mistake adopting four of my children--that I've messed them up for life by their very status as adoptees.

This adult adoptee (and adoptive mother), however, shares her story along with encouragement for families formed by adoption. She says the most important voice to listen to is the voice of your child, not the voices of negativity and fear, and that life should not be about adoption. There might be side effects of being adopted, of course, and parents should be watching for struggles, but not all children will suffer from feelings of rejection, abandonment, identity crisis, primal wounds, etc. as a result of being adopted and there is no point in "borrowing trouble" by talking about such things all the time.

This book validated many of my own perspectives so it was nice to read and I'll tuck it away on the shelf in case "the voices" get too loud at some point and I need a perspective adjustment.

[Karen Cockerill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book, it’s encouraging and encourages adoptive parents to drop the adoptive label, to simply be the parents they are meant to be. As in all things one can get carried away, reading up on becoming a parent be it through adoption or biological. I love that this book is encourages parents to listening to their children and to encourage their children to find their own voice within the many ‘truths’ thus world has to offer.

Favourite quotes: ‘
every child should be celebrated every day. The reassurance your child receives from you daily about how loved they are and how wanted they are will go a long way in how your child feels about themself, no matter how they came into this works’
‘If you are going to be the parent then you can not continue to live in your child’s Afoption. You should be more than that and your child should absolutely get the opportunity to be more than that, too’

The details of your child’s adoption are not yours to share they belong to your child. Your role is preserver of your child’s story

[Heidi | Paper Safari Book Blog · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written as a series of letter to parents who have adopted Madeleine Melcher offers positive encouragement and advice. There are several important take-aways I received from this book. 1. Don’t live your child’s adoption. It does not have to be the most important thing in the room. They are a child, you are their parent. I’m not saying ignore that they came to your family through adoption but by living and breathing adoption is not allowing the child to live and grow as anything else but adopted. 2. Your tone regarding adoption sets the tone that they will carry with them about adoption, how they will view it how they perceive it. If you have complaints or negative things to say about adoption they will know and they will internalize it. 3. Listen to your child. You are the parent of a very special person that has a very special bond with you. Make sure you are listening to them and their needs and not just what you perceive their needs to be. 4 Listen to yourself. Don’t focus on how that child came to be in your life remember that you are their mother and/or father. How they became yours doesn’t matter when you are sitting by their bedside while they are sick or taking them to their first day of school. Its all the little moments that add up to you being there for them and doing what is in their best interest.
Very positive book that is empowering to parents who have formed their families through adoption.