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Bluewater Bay #13
Selfie
One year ago, actor Connor Montgomery lost the love of his life to a drunk driver. But what’s worse for Connor is what he still a lifetime of secrets born of hiding his relationship from the glare of Hollywood. Unable to let go of the world he and Vinnie shared, Connor films a drunken YouTube confession on the anniversary of Vinnie’s death.
Thankfully, the video was silent—a familiar state for Connor—so his secret is still safe. He needs a fresh start, and a new role on the hit TV show Wolf’s Landing might be just that.
The move to Bluewater Bay may also mean a second chance in the form of his studio-assigned assistant. Noah Dakers sees through Connor’s facades more quickly than Connor could imagine. Noah’s quiet strength and sarcastic companionship offers Connor a chance at love that Hollywood’s closet has never allowed. But to accept it, Connor must let Vinnie go and learn to live again.
* * * * * * *
Bluewater Bay stories can be read in any order — jump in wherever you'd like!
Word 110,300; page 400
Thankfully, the video was silent—a familiar state for Connor—so his secret is still safe. He needs a fresh start, and a new role on the hit TV show Wolf’s Landing might be just that.
The move to Bluewater Bay may also mean a second chance in the form of his studio-assigned assistant. Noah Dakers sees through Connor’s facades more quickly than Connor could imagine. Noah’s quiet strength and sarcastic companionship offers Connor a chance at love that Hollywood’s closet has never allowed. But to accept it, Connor must let Vinnie go and learn to live again.
* * * * * * *
Bluewater Bay stories can be read in any order — jump in wherever you'd like!
Word 110,300; page 400
400 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 16, 2016
37 people are currently reading
676 people want to read
About the author
Amy Lane
203 books3,487 followersAmy Lane dodges an EDJ, mothers four children, and writes the occasional book. She, her brood, and her beloved mate, Mack, live in a crumbling mortgage in Citrus Heights, California, which is riddled with spiders, cats, and more than its share of fancy and weirdness. Feel free to visit her at www.greenshill.com orwww.writerslane.blogspot.com, where she will ride the buzz of receiving your e-mail until her head swells and she can no longer leave the house.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 155 reviews
no
April 29, 2016nope.
just like that. black guy with zero reaction to that language except burbling devotion.
amy lane has lost her goddamned mind—again.
she just gets worse and worse with this bullshit.
there's just no excuse for "dark chocolate monkey of love."
none.
____________
this book's publisher, the excellent Riptide Press, has responded:
http://riptidepublishing.com/riptide-...
____________
for the full story of how this went down, see this:
https://storify.com/genao/amy-lane-wr...
just like that. black guy with zero reaction to that language except burbling devotion.
amy lane has lost her goddamned mind—again.
she just gets worse and worse with this bullshit.
there's just no excuse for "dark chocolate monkey of love."
none.
____________
this book's publisher, the excellent Riptide Press, has responded:
http://riptidepublishing.com/riptide-...
____________
for the full story of how this went down, see this:
https://storify.com/genao/amy-lane-wr...
April 26, 2016
This book just did not work for me on just about every level. I was trying to write a brief review as to why and I just couldn't, so be prepared for things to get ranty here. I'm going to try to organize my thoughts here and break it down though because SO many things went wrong here that its hard to know where to begin.
First of all, the cover. Why does it only have one person on the cover? And its the white guy in the book. Could they not find any black/Am. Indian models? Why was Noah left off the cover when 90% of the books published by Riptide with people on the cover have couples on the cover? The erasure of Noah from the cover was very strange and sets the stage for the strange mishandling of race, his character, and really every aspect of this book.
Next you have the problem with the set up entirely. Connor is so much of a hot grieving mess that he is having literal auditory and visual hallucinations. He clearly needs a mental health professional, but instead of getting this poor man help, this book falls into a trope where severe mental illness is cured by looooooove. That's not sexy or romantic. As a person who has had several mental health issues, its just sad. You can't fix depression (which is clearly at work here based on his behavior) with sexy sex. It just doesn't work like that. If Noah really loved him, he would have tried to get him some damn meds. Also dear lord someone who is as completely non-communicative as Connor should NOT be having BDSM-flavored sex and if Noah has any ethics or experience with BDSM, he should not be pursuing him in that way. BDSM is supposed to be based on healthy communication and consent, not one person (of course the black guy) aggressively grabbing and ordering the vulnerable person around with no explicit discussion before or afterwards. Nope nope nope.
Then there is the racism. Oh lord the subtle microaggressive racism. First of all, I have never known a black person who expresses delight at having 1) a white person she barely knows touch her hair and 2) that white person expressing surprise that her hair is soft. The internet is FULL of black people telling white people to STOP TOUCHING THEIR HAIR WITHOUT PERMISSION and explaining how hurtful it is when people express surprise that their hair is clean/soft/nice. This shows me that Amy Lane does not know how to write black people, particularly black women, and that her editors at Riptide really dropped the ball on this one. This is like Black People 101 guys. I'm a white girl that grew up in what I like to call "the whitest place in white-tonia" and even I know that.
Likewise, the whole section where Connor and Noah 'joke' about Noah as a big black porno cliche was just so painful to read. I've known enough black men who have talked about loathing the stereotype of the black man sex brute, in particular when clueless white gay partners expect it. I can't find that exchange anything but painful. And like Vi being okay with the hair touching, it baffles me that Noah is written to be okay and amused by it, not offended. And of course he is the dom type who pushes Connor by literally grabbing him and kissing him with no discussion or consent, of course the black man is the big aggressive sex fiend but it's okay to bumblefuck into this stereotype of black men as sexual aggressors because....... love? Its like Amy Lane has written black characters that are these caricatures of exactly what white people want them to be: not offended, no bodily boundaries, big sex fiends, and able to laugh at racist jokes. It was so so so bad. Again, how did her editors at Riptide not catch this?
Then the ball is dropped again when near the end of the book, surprise! Connor and Vinnie are revealed to be Mexican. I call BS on that. It's like this whole book suffers from the subtle racism of colorblindness, where Lane thought she didn't need to do even the barest amount of research into black/Latino lives. You can't just call your characters Mexican when there is nothing about either one of their lives, families, cultures, languages, etc that shows they are Mexican. It's a real culture not just a label to slap on at the last minute for a 'gotcha!' on the reader. And if Connor is supposed to be Mexican, why on earth is there a blonde haired white boy on the cover of this book????
The end result is a hot mess. You can't get into the romance, the sex comes off somewhere between uncomfortable and boring, the racism makes you wince and pulls you out of the story, and in the end, you just want it to be over soon. This isn't just the worst book in the 13 volume Bluewater Bay series, this may actually be the worst book Riptide has ever put out. Someone somewhere fell down on the quality standards here and the result is a giant disappointment.
First of all, the cover. Why does it only have one person on the cover? And its the white guy in the book. Could they not find any black/Am. Indian models? Why was Noah left off the cover when 90% of the books published by Riptide with people on the cover have couples on the cover? The erasure of Noah from the cover was very strange and sets the stage for the strange mishandling of race, his character, and really every aspect of this book.
Next you have the problem with the set up entirely. Connor is so much of a hot grieving mess that he is having literal auditory and visual hallucinations. He clearly needs a mental health professional, but instead of getting this poor man help, this book falls into a trope where severe mental illness is cured by looooooove. That's not sexy or romantic. As a person who has had several mental health issues, its just sad. You can't fix depression (which is clearly at work here based on his behavior) with sexy sex. It just doesn't work like that. If Noah really loved him, he would have tried to get him some damn meds. Also dear lord someone who is as completely non-communicative as Connor should NOT be having BDSM-flavored sex and if Noah has any ethics or experience with BDSM, he should not be pursuing him in that way. BDSM is supposed to be based on healthy communication and consent, not one person (of course the black guy) aggressively grabbing and ordering the vulnerable person around with no explicit discussion before or afterwards. Nope nope nope.
Then there is the racism. Oh lord the subtle microaggressive racism. First of all, I have never known a black person who expresses delight at having 1) a white person she barely knows touch her hair and 2) that white person expressing surprise that her hair is soft. The internet is FULL of black people telling white people to STOP TOUCHING THEIR HAIR WITHOUT PERMISSION and explaining how hurtful it is when people express surprise that their hair is clean/soft/nice. This shows me that Amy Lane does not know how to write black people, particularly black women, and that her editors at Riptide really dropped the ball on this one. This is like Black People 101 guys. I'm a white girl that grew up in what I like to call "the whitest place in white-tonia" and even I know that.
Likewise, the whole section where Connor and Noah 'joke' about Noah as a big black porno cliche was just so painful to read. I've known enough black men who have talked about loathing the stereotype of the black man sex brute, in particular when clueless white gay partners expect it. I can't find that exchange anything but painful. And like Vi being okay with the hair touching, it baffles me that Noah is written to be okay and amused by it, not offended. And of course he is the dom type who pushes Connor by literally grabbing him and kissing him with no discussion or consent, of course the black man is the big aggressive sex fiend but it's okay to bumblefuck into this stereotype of black men as sexual aggressors because....... love? Its like Amy Lane has written black characters that are these caricatures of exactly what white people want them to be: not offended, no bodily boundaries, big sex fiends, and able to laugh at racist jokes. It was so so so bad. Again, how did her editors at Riptide not catch this?
Then the ball is dropped again when near the end of the book, surprise! Connor and Vinnie are revealed to be Mexican. I call BS on that. It's like this whole book suffers from the subtle racism of colorblindness, where Lane thought she didn't need to do even the barest amount of research into black/Latino lives. You can't just call your characters Mexican when there is nothing about either one of their lives, families, cultures, languages, etc that shows they are Mexican. It's a real culture not just a label to slap on at the last minute for a 'gotcha!' on the reader. And if Connor is supposed to be Mexican, why on earth is there a blonde haired white boy on the cover of this book????
The end result is a hot mess. You can't get into the romance, the sex comes off somewhere between uncomfortable and boring, the racism makes you wince and pulls you out of the story, and in the end, you just want it to be over soon. This isn't just the worst book in the 13 volume Bluewater Bay series, this may actually be the worst book Riptide has ever put out. Someone somewhere fell down on the quality standards here and the result is a giant disappointment.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 19, 2016
This is a story about grief.
And it's a story about healing
It's a story about losing love, and finding it.
When Connor Montgomery, action movie star, loses Vinnie, his lover of ten years, in a tragic accident, he has to hide his pain. Because you don't grieve for a friend, even a best friend, the same way you grieve for your partner, you first love, your ... everything. Drunk and utterly bereft, Connor launches a video selfie that could ruin his career and out him in the process.
Connor's agent Jilly is adamant that he needs a change of scenery, so Connor moves to Bluewater Bay and takes a role playing a morally questionable character on Wolf's Landing.
But Connor isn’t a bad guy; he’s the good guy. Connor saved Vinnie when Vinnie was hooked on pain meds, quit a promising series to take Vinnie to rehab, forgave Vinnie's many infidelities.
The first man Connor meets in Bluewater Bay is his driver, Noah, tenderhearted Noah, with his quick wit and dominant streak, who sees right through Connor’s false smiles and self-deprecating humour. Noah is part African-American, part Native American, long and lean, with glossy curls and graceful lines. He gets Connor’s vulnerability and loneliness.
Like in many of Amy Lane's books, there's a strong focus on family here: Vinnie's family from whom he hid himself and his lover; Connor's family who would sell their son’s secret to the highest bidder; Noah's family, warm and hardworking and present.
The secondary characters are nuanced and carefully sketched: Jilly, Connor and Vinnie’s fearless manager, who has a big heart and the best intentions, and can admit she was wrong about urging Connor and Vinnie to remain in the closet; Noah’s mom, manipulative and flighty, not cut out to settle down and raise children; Viv, Noah’s smart and tenacious sister, who warns Connor that Noah is a vain fucker capable of cooking side dishes and nothing else.
While Connor and Noah form an instant bond tinged with sexual longing, Connor isn’t ready for more. He wants Noah. He NEEDS Noah to stay. But he’s still in a relationship with his dead lover.
Across the bay from Connor’s home in Bluewater is an island that becomes a symbol of everything Connor lost. When Connor talks to Vinnie, he goes to the island. The island is a place where Vinnie is alive in his blue house with all their good memories, kitschy collectibles, and cheesy T-shirt collection.
Connor has some serious healing to do, and Noah just wants to know that there's room for him in Connor's life. Because Connor is the first-person narrator of this story, we are privy to his struggles, his desire to come out and live an honest life, his rage at Vinnie for leaving him, his overwhelming love for Noah.
This book is BIG: it turns you inside out and makes you hurt. But I trust Amy Lane to pick up the pieces after she's done and make something beautiful in the process ... not easy, mind you, but worthwhile.
Despite the angst, there are moments of pure sweetness and raw, passionate sex. Connor wakes up from a sexual dormancy and wants everything Noah has to offer. Noah, who is 25 to Connor’s 30, wants to fill Connor, crack him open, take charge, and take away the pain. Noah and Connor go at it hard and fast with paddles, handcuffs, and plugs.
To Connor, Noah is power and protection; he’s musk and dark rum and “sex appeal that thrummed like an electric current under the surface.”
Selfie is a brilliant story, sharp, emotive, REAL. It left me feeling shattered and HOPEFUL and wanting more.
And it's a story about healing
It's a story about losing love, and finding it.
Have you ever written in the sand? You think that first wave is going to just eliminate everything, but it doesn’t. No—there’s scar tissue on an ephemeral tablet, little bumps and ridges and reminders that there was something important there, and just because it’s gone now doesn’t mean it didn’t exist.
When Connor Montgomery, action movie star, loses Vinnie, his lover of ten years, in a tragic accident, he has to hide his pain. Because you don't grieve for a friend, even a best friend, the same way you grieve for your partner, you first love, your ... everything. Drunk and utterly bereft, Connor launches a video selfie that could ruin his career and out him in the process.
Connor's agent Jilly is adamant that he needs a change of scenery, so Connor moves to Bluewater Bay and takes a role playing a morally questionable character on Wolf's Landing.
But Connor isn’t a bad guy; he’s the good guy. Connor saved Vinnie when Vinnie was hooked on pain meds, quit a promising series to take Vinnie to rehab, forgave Vinnie's many infidelities.
The first man Connor meets in Bluewater Bay is his driver, Noah, tenderhearted Noah, with his quick wit and dominant streak, who sees right through Connor’s false smiles and self-deprecating humour. Noah is part African-American, part Native American, long and lean, with glossy curls and graceful lines. He gets Connor’s vulnerability and loneliness.
Like in many of Amy Lane's books, there's a strong focus on family here: Vinnie's family from whom he hid himself and his lover; Connor's family who would sell their son’s secret to the highest bidder; Noah's family, warm and hardworking and present.
The secondary characters are nuanced and carefully sketched: Jilly, Connor and Vinnie’s fearless manager, who has a big heart and the best intentions, and can admit she was wrong about urging Connor and Vinnie to remain in the closet; Noah’s mom, manipulative and flighty, not cut out to settle down and raise children; Viv, Noah’s smart and tenacious sister, who warns Connor that Noah is a vain fucker capable of cooking side dishes and nothing else.
While Connor and Noah form an instant bond tinged with sexual longing, Connor isn’t ready for more. He wants Noah. He NEEDS Noah to stay. But he’s still in a relationship with his dead lover.
Across the bay from Connor’s home in Bluewater is an island that becomes a symbol of everything Connor lost. When Connor talks to Vinnie, he goes to the island. The island is a place where Vinnie is alive in his blue house with all their good memories, kitschy collectibles, and cheesy T-shirt collection.
Connor has some serious healing to do, and Noah just wants to know that there's room for him in Connor's life. Because Connor is the first-person narrator of this story, we are privy to his struggles, his desire to come out and live an honest life, his rage at Vinnie for leaving him, his overwhelming love for Noah.
This book is BIG: it turns you inside out and makes you hurt. But I trust Amy Lane to pick up the pieces after she's done and make something beautiful in the process ... not easy, mind you, but worthwhile.
Despite the angst, there are moments of pure sweetness and raw, passionate sex. Connor wakes up from a sexual dormancy and wants everything Noah has to offer. Noah, who is 25 to Connor’s 30, wants to fill Connor, crack him open, take charge, and take away the pain. Noah and Connor go at it hard and fast with paddles, handcuffs, and plugs.
To Connor, Noah is power and protection; he’s musk and dark rum and “sex appeal that thrummed like an electric current under the surface.”
Selfie is a brilliant story, sharp, emotive, REAL. It left me feeling shattered and HOPEFUL and wanting more.
Tomorrow I would wake up and go play somebody else, and I loved doing that ... But tonight, in the sweet and holy darkness, I was skin to skin with my lover, and I was myself, and I was blessed, more than blessed ... It was what living was all about.
April 27, 2016
*2.5 stars*
I've not had the greatest run with Amy Lane in the past year, with all of my recent reads from her falling in the 3-star range. While I'll still always seek out those Amy Lane gems (Christmas Kitsch, Truth in the Dark, The Locker Room) that have ended up on my favorites list, I'm going to have to be more picky with what I try from her in the future.
This book has lots of love from many reviewers whose opinons I respect, so I think this is just a matter of "it's me, not you." However, I struggled with this one quite a bit, and I'll explain why below. Now, while my review will focus a lot on what I didn't like, there is a lot of good in this story. I really enjoyed the first part of the book, and I honestly thought it was going to be a home-run for me. It is a classic Amy Lane angst-fest with pain, pain, pain and loss. I absolutely adore stories where the MC loses a husband/wife/lover and then finds love again. It just warms my heart! This book is also a coming-out story, which is another weakness of mine. I think I'm going to be in the solid minority here, with most readers really loving this book, so I would still recommend this one to Amy Lane fans.
Now I'll just get into my issues... enough beating around the bush!
My main problem with this story is that I felt Noah, MC #2, was the third wheel in the relationship between Connor and his now dead lover, Vinnie. For the entire story, Connor talks to Vinnie in his head constantly, and carries on full-out conversations with him. Now, I've read many, many dead lover stories in my day (After Ben, Second Chances, Butterfly Tattoo), and I think it is key that the reader feel like the MC can actually move on. I understand always thinking about and missing your former lover, and I would never say how someone can or can't mourn or how long that can take, but for me to get emotionally invested in a new romance, there has to be some closure there. I have to feel like the MC is healthy enough for a new romance, to really give it his all, and I didn't think that Connor was there.
I also wasn't crazy about the BDSM aspect of this story. I like BDSM stories, but some work for me more than others. The BDSM here was pretty tame, and I think a more minor element of the plot. However, I don't love BDSM as a vehicle for healing, which I often see it used as. I always hate when people who like BDSM are viewed as deficient in some way, and though I think that Connor and Noah are kinky people and would always like that sort of "sir," "boy" play, I didn't like how Connor was really depressed and F-ed in the head and BDSM was used as an outlet for that. I did like how this was pretty slow burn, with the MCs not getting physical with each other until about 50% of the way through the story, so bonus points for that at least.
Speaking of length, I struggled with the length of this story. I can read and love a long book, but to make 420 pages be compelling takes a lot of talent. I found the pace to really drag near the end, and I fought the urge to skip ahead or skim for a few chapters.
Finally, and I struggled with how much focus to give this observation, I think there were a few moments where Amy Lane should have been more... careful. I've seen reviewers slam her in the past for her treatment of characters of non-white backgrounds, and this book made a number of notable missteps in that vein. Connor, Noah, and Vinnie were all mixed-race characters, and, yay for that, however, I would have thought Connor would know better than to pat a woman's hair with an afro and act surprised that her hair was so soft... I actually cringed while I read that. There were a few other moments like that that made me pause and think that perhaps someone should have told Amy Lane that scenes like that don't add anything to the plot and aren't a great idea to include.
Did I enjoy this book? Yeah, I did. Mostly. I cried a few times, and I got into Connor's head-space pretty easily. However, I don't know if I'm just drifting away from Amy Lane's style or if it was all of the factors that I mentioned above, but this book just missed the mark for me.
**Copy provided in exchange for an honest review**
I've not had the greatest run with Amy Lane in the past year, with all of my recent reads from her falling in the 3-star range. While I'll still always seek out those Amy Lane gems (Christmas Kitsch, Truth in the Dark, The Locker Room) that have ended up on my favorites list, I'm going to have to be more picky with what I try from her in the future.
This book has lots of love from many reviewers whose opinons I respect, so I think this is just a matter of "it's me, not you." However, I struggled with this one quite a bit, and I'll explain why below. Now, while my review will focus a lot on what I didn't like, there is a lot of good in this story. I really enjoyed the first part of the book, and I honestly thought it was going to be a home-run for me. It is a classic Amy Lane angst-fest with pain, pain, pain and loss. I absolutely adore stories where the MC loses a husband/wife/lover and then finds love again. It just warms my heart! This book is also a coming-out story, which is another weakness of mine. I think I'm going to be in the solid minority here, with most readers really loving this book, so I would still recommend this one to Amy Lane fans.
Now I'll just get into my issues... enough beating around the bush!
My main problem with this story is that I felt Noah, MC #2, was the third wheel in the relationship between Connor and his now dead lover, Vinnie. For the entire story, Connor talks to Vinnie in his head constantly, and carries on full-out conversations with him. Now, I've read many, many dead lover stories in my day (After Ben, Second Chances, Butterfly Tattoo), and I think it is key that the reader feel like the MC can actually move on. I understand always thinking about and missing your former lover, and I would never say how someone can or can't mourn or how long that can take, but for me to get emotionally invested in a new romance, there has to be some closure there. I have to feel like the MC is healthy enough for a new romance, to really give it his all, and I didn't think that Connor was there.
I also wasn't crazy about the BDSM aspect of this story. I like BDSM stories, but some work for me more than others. The BDSM here was pretty tame, and I think a more minor element of the plot. However, I don't love BDSM as a vehicle for healing, which I often see it used as. I always hate when people who like BDSM are viewed as deficient in some way, and though I think that Connor and Noah are kinky people and would always like that sort of "sir," "boy" play, I didn't like how Connor was really depressed and F-ed in the head and BDSM was used as an outlet for that. I did like how this was pretty slow burn, with the MCs not getting physical with each other until about 50% of the way through the story, so bonus points for that at least.
Speaking of length, I struggled with the length of this story. I can read and love a long book, but to make 420 pages be compelling takes a lot of talent. I found the pace to really drag near the end, and I fought the urge to skip ahead or skim for a few chapters.
Finally, and I struggled with how much focus to give this observation, I think there were a few moments where Amy Lane should have been more... careful. I've seen reviewers slam her in the past for her treatment of characters of non-white backgrounds, and this book made a number of notable missteps in that vein. Connor, Noah, and Vinnie were all mixed-race characters, and, yay for that, however, I would have thought Connor would know better than to pat a woman's hair with an afro and act surprised that her hair was so soft... I actually cringed while I read that. There were a few other moments like that that made me pause and think that perhaps someone should have told Amy Lane that scenes like that don't add anything to the plot and aren't a great idea to include.
Did I enjoy this book? Yeah, I did. Mostly. I cried a few times, and I got into Connor's head-space pretty easily. However, I don't know if I'm just drifting away from Amy Lane's style or if it was all of the factors that I mentioned above, but this book just missed the mark for me.
**Copy provided in exchange for an honest review**
April 29, 2016
I was two, 2.5 Stars for this and then the more I dwell on it, the ANGRIER I get. This book should come with some major warning labels. Spoilers ahead, starting with section Three
First, the good: The first half of the book or so was really good. I liked how Connor was depicted and I liked his transition to Bluewater Bay. I liked his insecurity over if he was actually talented as an actor or just fit a certain type, and I liked how acting was seen through his eyes.
Second, the bad: Noah is a cipher in this book. This book is NOT a romance between Noah and Connor, it's really about Connor's relationship with Vinnie. You never get to know Noah and what you do know doesn't really make sense. (Seriously, Master's in Philosophy that's thrown out there, but really it's just a data point so that the readers know that he's educated and smart, those no real explanation about why he bothered to get a MASTER's ... and finish it at a young age for finishing it - but then it has no relevance. It could have been used to reveal actual things about him (he loved philosophy but hated academia, or whatever...anything, but no, it's just a boring data point.
Anyway, he has a *master's* but he's fine being a 'driver' and he has zero ideas what he wants to do with himself, but it's not even about trying to find himself he 'just doesn't want to leave Bluewater Bay' - but at the same time, he's NOT portrayed as somebody who just loves to live life. He's too rigid. Really, it's because the author is being lazy and his entire existence is so that he can take care of Connor. That's why he was written and that's the only dimension his personality has.
Plus, this is one of those dumb books where the characters don't have to communicate because somehow Noah 'knows' things without Connor telling him and often without Connor even knowing. (Except of course, if Connor actually loves him, he doesn't know that because, ugh, stupid contrived angst.)
Anyway, Noah is never explained or really developed as an actual person with personality. Also, Amy Lane doesn't actually know what the definition of sarcasm is, because she keeps using about things that *aren't sarcastic statements* - they would be sentences you'd say wryly or dryly maybe, but NOT sarcastically. Which probably doesn't help matters in giving Noah no depth, since he's supposed to be this sarcastic character who ... never actually says anything sarcastic? Whatever.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, the UGLY:
HOLY FUCK, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?! (Possible triggers ahead)
First of all, what the hell, BDSM AND LOVE ARE NOT A CURE FOR MENTAL ILLNESS. That was *disgusting and gross* Connor is *literally* having psychotic breaks with reality where he can't tell what's real and what's not real, he's having imaginary conversations, he ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF because he can't distinguish reality from what's going on in his head. And it's TREATED by Noah with BDSM. And - almost brownie points - Noah actually does suggest Connor go to a therapist during the early bits. And Connor is like, oh no, I only need Youuuuuuuuu and then I will be ok. Which if that had actually played out as things spiraling down and then him getting therapy? That would have been rough but ok. INSTEAD, AFTER Almost killing himself, he goes to the hospital (but not really for himself, obviously) and has a conversation with the pyschologist who is like 'oh, you're in love now? you'll be fine, you won't want to kill yourself anymore' and releases him.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? And of course - THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS.
Lastly, the weird:
Also, there is some weird racism in this book, which is ironic because it's pretty obvious the author was trying really hard to write a book about PoC, although it's actually essentially whitewashed. Except for the weirdly racist bits, you wouldn't KNOW it was supposed to be about PoC, except for things like making a joke about tabloids calling Noah a 'Dark Chocolate Monkey of Love' (wtf?) and touching a black woman's hair and being shocked at how silky it is and a this really off scene where the guy who's half mexican makes a point of noticing about how the grocery delivery ... didn't have tortillas and salsa and ... just weird. And gross.
ETA: Ok, things I have discovered since originally writing this review is that it's less cluelessness (which is what I thought when I termed it weird that she didn't get how racist it was) and more hubris, Amy Lane is well aware of the fact that she writes racist things but thinks it does not apply to her for 'reasons'/she is above criticism for it because of who knows what, that she's a special empathetic snowflake who is her characters? I don't know and I don't care.
First, the good: The first half of the book or so was really good. I liked how Connor was depicted and I liked his transition to Bluewater Bay. I liked his insecurity over if he was actually talented as an actor or just fit a certain type, and I liked how acting was seen through his eyes.
Second, the bad: Noah is a cipher in this book. This book is NOT a romance between Noah and Connor, it's really about Connor's relationship with Vinnie. You never get to know Noah and what you do know doesn't really make sense. (Seriously, Master's in Philosophy that's thrown out there, but really it's just a data point so that the readers know that he's educated and smart, those no real explanation about why he bothered to get a MASTER's ... and finish it at a young age for finishing it - but then it has no relevance. It could have been used to reveal actual things about him (he loved philosophy but hated academia, or whatever...anything, but no, it's just a boring data point.
Anyway, he has a *master's* but he's fine being a 'driver' and he has zero ideas what he wants to do with himself, but it's not even about trying to find himself he 'just doesn't want to leave Bluewater Bay' - but at the same time, he's NOT portrayed as somebody who just loves to live life. He's too rigid. Really, it's because the author is being lazy and his entire existence is so that he can take care of Connor. That's why he was written and that's the only dimension his personality has.
Plus, this is one of those dumb books where the characters don't have to communicate because somehow Noah 'knows' things without Connor telling him and often without Connor even knowing. (Except of course, if Connor actually loves him, he doesn't know that because, ugh, stupid contrived angst.)
Anyway, Noah is never explained or really developed as an actual person with personality. Also, Amy Lane doesn't actually know what the definition of sarcasm is, because she keeps using about things that *aren't sarcastic statements* - they would be sentences you'd say wryly or dryly maybe, but NOT sarcastically. Which probably doesn't help matters in giving Noah no depth, since he's supposed to be this sarcastic character who ... never actually says anything sarcastic? Whatever.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, the UGLY:
HOLY FUCK, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?! (Possible triggers ahead)
First of all, what the hell, BDSM AND LOVE ARE NOT A CURE FOR MENTAL ILLNESS. That was *disgusting and gross* Connor is *literally* having psychotic breaks with reality where he can't tell what's real and what's not real, he's having imaginary conversations, he ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF because he can't distinguish reality from what's going on in his head. And it's TREATED by Noah with BDSM. And - almost brownie points - Noah actually does suggest Connor go to a therapist during the early bits. And Connor is like, oh no, I only need Youuuuuuuuu and then I will be ok. Which if that had actually played out as things spiraling down and then him getting therapy? That would have been rough but ok. INSTEAD, AFTER Almost killing himself, he goes to the hospital (but not really for himself, obviously) and has a conversation with the pyschologist who is like 'oh, you're in love now? you'll be fine, you won't want to kill yourself anymore' and releases him.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? And of course - THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS.
Lastly, the weird:
Also, there is some weird racism in this book, which is ironic because it's pretty obvious the author was trying really hard to write a book about PoC, although it's actually essentially whitewashed. Except for the weirdly racist bits, you wouldn't KNOW it was supposed to be about PoC, except for things like making a joke about tabloids calling Noah a 'Dark Chocolate Monkey of Love' (wtf?) and touching a black woman's hair and being shocked at how silky it is and a this really off scene where the guy who's half mexican makes a point of noticing about how the grocery delivery ... didn't have tortillas and salsa and ... just weird. And gross.
ETA: Ok, things I have discovered since originally writing this review is that it's less cluelessness (which is what I thought when I termed it weird that she didn't get how racist it was) and more hubris, Amy Lane is well aware of the fact that she writes racist things but thinks it does not apply to her for 'reasons'/she is above criticism for it because of who knows what, that she's a special empathetic snowflake who is her characters? I don't know and I don't care.
April 25, 2016
Seriously, if you're going to include PoC in your books, you need to make at least minimal effort to not produce racist screed. This isn't the first time it's happened, it's been pointed out before, and yet there's no growth or self awareness from this author. Really disappointing.
For more specific reasons why this book is so problematic, see Sarah's review which articulates the issues really well.
For more specific reasons why this book is so problematic, see Sarah's review which articulates the issues really well.
November 18, 2017
There are a couple of things about this book you need to know from the beginning.
First, this is one of those FEELING books. It will slowly zap you with small jolts of electrical zings; as if a current runs from the words directly to your heart. It won’t destroy you but you will FEEL it.
Second, this is a lengthy book. Prepare for a time investment because it’s not a quick, easy read. It’s deep, sharp and amazing.
Third, Noah is mine and if anyone has anything less than stellar to say about my boy…we will have words.
Okay, okay. I’m kidding about the last part (kinda….not really).
I had one of those connections with this story. I put everything else on hold in my life and fell head first into their lives. I didn’t want to leave. I did not care about anything…but the story. This hasn’t happened to me in a long time. It was completely unexpected and absolutely incredible. I knew it was going to be good (I mean, it’s Amy Lane) but I didn’t know it was going to be OHMYSHITYOUHAVETOREADTHIS good.
Connor is a grieving empty shell. When he lost the love of his life, Vinnie, a year ago, he willingly let the darkness of misery consume him. He lives in Malibu on the beach but hasn’t felt a ray of sunshine since Vinnie’s tragic accident. To add fuel to the anguished fire, he is left alone with only his sacred memories and his agent. No one else in the world is aware of his devastating loss. He has to continue to pretend that Vinnie was only his best friend and he just….can’t. He is barely capable of getting out of bed (most days) and he has no strength left to keep up the façade. After the first anniversary of Vinnie’s death (and his very public meltdown), Jillian forces him to join the land of the living again. She convinces him to take a job in Bluewater Bay. He arrives in a sleepwalker state but his new driver rouses something in him. His brilliant smile breaks through the clouds and Con feels a faint beating return to his chest. Huh? He was certain that was broken.
Noah is confident, strong, snarky and full of life. He has a magical power when it comes to Connor. He can read him so acutely, he knows what he needs and wants before Con does. He understands where he is emotionally and he knows exactly what to say and do. He loves Con from the very beginning. BUT! It’s the intensity and purity of his love for Con that blew me away. He’s willing to wait for Connor, no matter how long it takes. He is the most patient man I’ve ever known. *sigh* I love him.
What's to like: It’s great to be back in Bluewater Bay. I am still working my way through the series and I’d nearly forgotten how much I enjoy the quiet quaint town. Brief appearances from the locals made me smile. It’s always refreshing to see familiar faces in the background. And then the new crew is top-notch. Noah’s family is pure awesomeness. From his hobbit grandmother to his burly dad and all of his sisters, well, I was smitten. Jilly is fierce and fabulous. I was even charmed by Vinnie’s family by the end, a feat I didn’t think was possible. Vinnie’s ghost haunts Connor throughout the story and as much as it hurts, it’s also laced with humor. Connor is desperately seeking closure but is failing miserably. How can he have a fresh start when he can’t say goodbye to his deceased lover who has taken up residence in his head? He’s dragging too much baggage and he should spare Noah the turmoil of the rocky uphill path of his recovery. Thankfully Noah is prepared to battle anything and everything that stands in his way, including Con’s attempts to hide his past and the shattered pieces of his heart.
What's to love: The rebirth of a lifeless soul, the revival of a broken heart, and the realization that true love isn’t a once in a lifetime blessing. Noah asks one thing of Con, if he’s incapable of loving him, then he begs Con to let him go. *sob* Connor promises Noah he won’t always be broken. Can he keep this promise? Gather round friends, we’ve got VIP tickets to the greatest love story of the year. I may have slipped into a premiere showing but I promise I’ll be back for more. I can’t get enough of these two. Did I tell you already how much I love them? Cuz I really do.
Beware of : Mild BDSM. Now wait just a second! You must understand that Con couldn’t take the pain anymore and turned himself…off. He hasn’t been able to keep his feet in the present let alone step into the future. He’s lost, flailing in a sea of sorrow. He needs direction, he yearns for someone to tell him what to do. He decides he wants to live but he needs clear-cut commands to follow. It begins with Noah dominating him in the bedroom. If BDSM isn’t your typical cup of tea, I beg you to consider starting here. Yes there’s a little toy play, and a bit of submission but it’s truly about letting your lover steer and guide you, to where you want to be. Trust. It all begins with trust. So please trust me- dip your toes in here, it’s worth it…and SO freaking hot!
And of course there is a fair amount of darkness and despair as we witness Con grieving but we are gifted brilliant sunshine amidst the fog when he restores himself. Then it’s so bright, it’s blinding.
This book is for: Every hopeless romantic who believes healing is possible and it’s okay to love again after love has been unjustly taken from you. New love doesn’t diminish the love you had, it just gives you another reason to….live again.
Book UNfunk
First, this is one of those FEELING books. It will slowly zap you with small jolts of electrical zings; as if a current runs from the words directly to your heart. It won’t destroy you but you will FEEL it.
Second, this is a lengthy book. Prepare for a time investment because it’s not a quick, easy read. It’s deep, sharp and amazing.
Third, Noah is mine and if anyone has anything less than stellar to say about my boy…we will have words.
Okay, okay. I’m kidding about the last part (kinda….not really).
I had one of those connections with this story. I put everything else on hold in my life and fell head first into their lives. I didn’t want to leave. I did not care about anything…but the story. This hasn’t happened to me in a long time. It was completely unexpected and absolutely incredible. I knew it was going to be good (I mean, it’s Amy Lane) but I didn’t know it was going to be OHMYSHITYOUHAVETOREADTHIS good.
Connor is a grieving empty shell. When he lost the love of his life, Vinnie, a year ago, he willingly let the darkness of misery consume him. He lives in Malibu on the beach but hasn’t felt a ray of sunshine since Vinnie’s tragic accident. To add fuel to the anguished fire, he is left alone with only his sacred memories and his agent. No one else in the world is aware of his devastating loss. He has to continue to pretend that Vinnie was only his best friend and he just….can’t. He is barely capable of getting out of bed (most days) and he has no strength left to keep up the façade. After the first anniversary of Vinnie’s death (and his very public meltdown), Jillian forces him to join the land of the living again. She convinces him to take a job in Bluewater Bay. He arrives in a sleepwalker state but his new driver rouses something in him. His brilliant smile breaks through the clouds and Con feels a faint beating return to his chest. Huh? He was certain that was broken.
Noah is confident, strong, snarky and full of life. He has a magical power when it comes to Connor. He can read him so acutely, he knows what he needs and wants before Con does. He understands where he is emotionally and he knows exactly what to say and do. He loves Con from the very beginning. BUT! It’s the intensity and purity of his love for Con that blew me away. He’s willing to wait for Connor, no matter how long it takes. He is the most patient man I’ve ever known. *sigh* I love him.
What's to like: It’s great to be back in Bluewater Bay. I am still working my way through the series and I’d nearly forgotten how much I enjoy the quiet quaint town. Brief appearances from the locals made me smile. It’s always refreshing to see familiar faces in the background. And then the new crew is top-notch. Noah’s family is pure awesomeness. From his hobbit grandmother to his burly dad and all of his sisters, well, I was smitten. Jilly is fierce and fabulous. I was even charmed by Vinnie’s family by the end, a feat I didn’t think was possible. Vinnie’s ghost haunts Connor throughout the story and as much as it hurts, it’s also laced with humor. Connor is desperately seeking closure but is failing miserably. How can he have a fresh start when he can’t say goodbye to his deceased lover who has taken up residence in his head? He’s dragging too much baggage and he should spare Noah the turmoil of the rocky uphill path of his recovery. Thankfully Noah is prepared to battle anything and everything that stands in his way, including Con’s attempts to hide his past and the shattered pieces of his heart.
What's to love: The rebirth of a lifeless soul, the revival of a broken heart, and the realization that true love isn’t a once in a lifetime blessing. Noah asks one thing of Con, if he’s incapable of loving him, then he begs Con to let him go. *sob* Connor promises Noah he won’t always be broken. Can he keep this promise? Gather round friends, we’ve got VIP tickets to the greatest love story of the year. I may have slipped into a premiere showing but I promise I’ll be back for more. I can’t get enough of these two. Did I tell you already how much I love them? Cuz I really do.
Beware of : Mild BDSM. Now wait just a second! You must understand that Con couldn’t take the pain anymore and turned himself…off. He hasn’t been able to keep his feet in the present let alone step into the future. He’s lost, flailing in a sea of sorrow. He needs direction, he yearns for someone to tell him what to do. He decides he wants to live but he needs clear-cut commands to follow. It begins with Noah dominating him in the bedroom. If BDSM isn’t your typical cup of tea, I beg you to consider starting here. Yes there’s a little toy play, and a bit of submission but it’s truly about letting your lover steer and guide you, to where you want to be. Trust. It all begins with trust. So please trust me- dip your toes in here, it’s worth it…and SO freaking hot!
And of course there is a fair amount of darkness and despair as we witness Con grieving but we are gifted brilliant sunshine amidst the fog when he restores himself. Then it’s so bright, it’s blinding.
This book is for: Every hopeless romantic who believes healing is possible and it’s okay to love again after love has been unjustly taken from you. New love doesn’t diminish the love you had, it just gives you another reason to….live again.
Book UNfunk
nope
April 29, 2016Nope.
July 24, 2016
*** 5 Amy lane's feels stars ***
*Connor*
*Noah*
You know what kind of book Amy Lane's write, yeah? Either it's funny, fluffy at it's best, or sad, bitter and tear jerking.
Then what if the two of it mingled together? Yeah, I know. This is one of those book, that will ripped your heart, puffy eyes after reading, but also has it's own 'fun' and fluffy times.
But this one, lots of grieving, sadness, the feeling about losing your half. And you know how smooth Amy with this kind of stuff.
Noah, oh bless his heart. I think he's a God gift for Connor after losing Vinnie, his closeted boyfriend's died. Connor was broken before he came to the movie location, then he found Noah, intruding into his life just like that. And Connor let him.
That was the best decision he made, to let Noah 'in'.
Usually, I found a prolonged grieving is annoying, but it's a different case with Connor. He can't moved on completely after Vinnie, he keep on talking to Vinnie's ghost, until one day, one moment of truth taught him, to choose. And I was glad he chosen wisely this time.
Noah's patience with his grieving is an ace, he didn't give up on Connor, and be with him all the time.
Despite of the angst, this is the sweetest story about letting go, and acceptance. and Amy nailed it again.
Well done, Amy.
Highly recommended !
* I received the ARC from Riptide through Netgalley for a fair and unbiased review*
*Connor*
*Noah*
You know what kind of book Amy Lane's write, yeah? Either it's funny, fluffy at it's best, or sad, bitter and tear jerking.
Then what if the two of it mingled together? Yeah, I know. This is one of those book, that will ripped your heart, puffy eyes after reading, but also has it's own 'fun' and fluffy times.
But this one, lots of grieving, sadness, the feeling about losing your half. And you know how smooth Amy with this kind of stuff.
Noah, oh bless his heart. I think he's a God gift for Connor after losing Vinnie, his closeted boyfriend's died. Connor was broken before he came to the movie location, then he found Noah, intruding into his life just like that. And Connor let him.
That was the best decision he made, to let Noah 'in'.
"“You’ll never be just my healing guy,” I said after a moment. “You are . . . so much more than that.”"
Usually, I found a prolonged grieving is annoying, but it's a different case with Connor. He can't moved on completely after Vinnie, he keep on talking to Vinnie's ghost, until one day, one moment of truth taught him, to choose. And I was glad he chosen wisely this time.
"“Connor?” I looked at him. “What?”
“I’ll love you if you can’t.”
“Can’t keep the promise?”“Can’t love me like you loved Vinnie.”
That broke me. “I will,” I whispered, wiping my eyes. “I already do.”"
Noah's patience with his grieving is an ace, he didn't give up on Connor, and be with him all the time.
"Noah loves me. He’d been trying so hard not to say it, but I hadn’t had the heart to stop him completely. And Vinnie had no answer to that. I guess there was no answer to the fact that Noah loved me weak and Vinnie couldn’t love me enough, even when I was strong."
Despite of the angst, this is the sweetest story about letting go, and acceptance. and Amy nailed it again.
"“What are we doing now?”“I’m going to hold you—just hold you. And later, when I can quit shaking, we’ll make love, and you’ll remember what it feels like to live again.”"
Well done, Amy.
Highly recommended !
"Tomorrow I would wake up and go play somebody else, and I loved doing that—I was blessed to be doing that. But tonight, in the sweet and holy darkness, I was skin to skin with my lover, and I was myself, and I was blessed, more than blessed, to be doing that as well."
* I received the ARC from Riptide through Netgalley for a fair and unbiased review*
March 25, 2016
4 Stars ~ This book is about loss and living
I really enjoyed this book but I want you to know it's a hard book to read, it's a painful book to read ..it is about losing the love of your life, losing your entire world along with them and then finding a way to survive - even when you don't want to keep going. This book is about grief. It's about not only losing your lover but not being able to fully grieve the loss of your lover because, your relationship doesn't exist.
I had a really emotional time when I was reading this book because it brought up painful memories of my own loss. The characters in this book are excellent, well rounded, and pivotal to the story. The MC's both find a way to complete each other, they start out as employer-employee and they turn into lovers that connect over each other's loss and learning to live again. This is not a fluffy romance. It is however a great love story.
4 Stars
*ARC provided by author in exchange for an honest review. Reviewed by Jaime from Alpha Book Club
and Gay Book Reviews
I really enjoyed this book but I want you to know it's a hard book to read, it's a painful book to read ..it is about losing the love of your life, losing your entire world along with them and then finding a way to survive - even when you don't want to keep going. This book is about grief. It's about not only losing your lover but not being able to fully grieve the loss of your lover because, your relationship doesn't exist.
I had a really emotional time when I was reading this book because it brought up painful memories of my own loss. The characters in this book are excellent, well rounded, and pivotal to the story. The MC's both find a way to complete each other, they start out as employer-employee and they turn into lovers that connect over each other's loss and learning to live again. This is not a fluffy romance. It is however a great love story.
4 Stars
*ARC provided by author in exchange for an honest review. Reviewed by Jaime from Alpha Book Club
and Gay Book Reviews
April 21, 2016
4.5 stars!
This book is a subtle punch in the gut. It's not the "angst and pain, Amy Lane" that the author is famous for, but it's not the light Candy Man-type either. It's somewhere in the middle, but it's heartbreakingly beautiful, and I shut down my Kindle as I finished with a loud Sigh.
I think I went through the entire gamut of emotions while reading. Happy, sad, content, devastated, ragey, frustrated, sympathetic, impatient........you name it, I felt it at one point while reading Conner and Noah's story. And that is Lane's secret. She makes you FEEL.
Conner is grieving a year after his boyfriend of 10 years died. They were both Hollywood stars, and his boyfriend, Vinnie, was afraid to lose his family. So they never came out. No one knew but them and a single friend-agent of theirs.
Conner is broken.
He puts on the act (easy for an actor to do), but he is a shell of a man. He still lives in the house next door to Vinnie's house. Grieving isn't a strong enough a word to describe his day to day existence. He is shattered, and no one can offer him support because no one knows.
After an alcohol-induced rant on YouTube, his agent convinces him to move away for a while and work a new TV show. It's in his new city that he meets Noah. Noah is strong, he's out, he's someone who sees right inside of Conner from day 1. He can tell he's acting. He can tell he's hurting. And he does everything he can to BE THERE for Conner in any sense he needs.
Conner recognizes the amazingness of Noah. And he's attracted - Holy Hell, is he attracted - and he wants SO MUCH what Noah is offering.
But, see, Conner is in this awful place. He holds full conversations with Vinnie in his head. This was one of Vinnie's comments to Conner during a conversation:
And this is where my frustrations kicked in. For both MCs. Conner comes across as selfish in his treatment of Noah. I felt for him - I really did. Lane paints the grief as if you're living it yourself. BUT you can't be reckless with the hearts of others. You can't be blind to what they're feeling because you need to make it all about you and your sadness.
And Noah - God, he frustrated me so much too. He saw the broken man who wasn't ready to make his own sandwich, much less make a new relationship work. But he went after him anyway. Full on. No minor flirting, no just kissing. Full on relationship mode from the beginning. So each time he was hurting because of not feeling as "adequate" or as "wonderful" as Saint Vinnie, I couldn't summon the sympathy for him. All I kept thinking was: You made your bed, buddy. You picked out the color scheme and thread count with immaculate precision, as a matter of fact.
So we have TWO broken MCs, and I was screaming at them both in my head for some of the book. But then Lane does her thing and weaves the pieces of them back together. It wasn't easy. It wasn't like a light switch. It was expertly written, as we all know Lane does effortlessly.
This is NOT light and fluffy Lane. This will leave you with a book hangover - I'm still reeling after finishing it. But we do get a beautiful HEA that is well-deserved. It's earned with every heartbreaking thought, breath, touch, and word.
ARC received from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
"...it hurts. Everything is something he won't hear or see, and I want to tell it to him, and there's no space in my head for me because it's all about telling Vinnie-"
This book is a subtle punch in the gut. It's not the "angst and pain, Amy Lane" that the author is famous for, but it's not the light Candy Man-type either. It's somewhere in the middle, but it's heartbreakingly beautiful, and I shut down my Kindle as I finished with a loud Sigh.
I think I went through the entire gamut of emotions while reading. Happy, sad, content, devastated, ragey, frustrated, sympathetic, impatient........you name it, I felt it at one point while reading Conner and Noah's story. And that is Lane's secret. She makes you FEEL.
Conner is grieving a year after his boyfriend of 10 years died. They were both Hollywood stars, and his boyfriend, Vinnie, was afraid to lose his family. So they never came out. No one knew but them and a single friend-agent of theirs.
Conner is broken.
He puts on the act (easy for an actor to do), but he is a shell of a man. He still lives in the house next door to Vinnie's house. Grieving isn't a strong enough a word to describe his day to day existence. He is shattered, and no one can offer him support because no one knows.
After an alcohol-induced rant on YouTube, his agent convinces him to move away for a while and work a new TV show. It's in his new city that he meets Noah. Noah is strong, he's out, he's someone who sees right inside of Conner from day 1. He can tell he's acting. He can tell he's hurting. And he does everything he can to BE THERE for Conner in any sense he needs.
"He's everything Vinnie wasn't," she said, and I sucked in a razor-blade breath.
"What did you-"
"You know it's true," she retorted. "He's strong, he's self-sufficient, there's not a vain bone in his body. He would make you first, and honey, Vinnie couldn't do that. Not ever."
Conner recognizes the amazingness of Noah. And he's attracted - Holy Hell, is he attracted - and he wants SO MUCH what Noah is offering.
But, see, Conner is in this awful place. He holds full conversations with Vinnie in his head. This was one of Vinnie's comments to Conner during a conversation:
I can't believe you miss me either. I almost ruined your career twice, I was unfaithful, I didn't have the balls to come out to my family or the press - I can't believe you loved me at all!
And this is where my frustrations kicked in. For both MCs. Conner comes across as selfish in his treatment of Noah. I felt for him - I really did. Lane paints the grief as if you're living it yourself. BUT you can't be reckless with the hearts of others. You can't be blind to what they're feeling because you need to make it all about you and your sadness.
And Noah - God, he frustrated me so much too. He saw the broken man who wasn't ready to make his own sandwich, much less make a new relationship work. But he went after him anyway. Full on. No minor flirting, no just kissing. Full on relationship mode from the beginning. So each time he was hurting because of not feeling as "adequate" or as "wonderful" as Saint Vinnie, I couldn't summon the sympathy for him. All I kept thinking was: You made your bed, buddy. You picked out the color scheme and thread count with immaculate precision, as a matter of fact.
So we have TWO broken MCs, and I was screaming at them both in my head for some of the book. But then Lane does her thing and weaves the pieces of them back together. It wasn't easy. It wasn't like a light switch. It was expertly written, as we all know Lane does effortlessly.
He was the real deal. He'd given me everything he had to make sure I knew I could lean on him for strength - and then relaxed and hoped I'd take it when I needed it.
Oh, little did he know.
I always needed it.
This is NOT light and fluffy Lane. This will leave you with a book hangover - I'm still reeling after finishing it. But we do get a beautiful HEA that is well-deserved. It's earned with every heartbreaking thought, breath, touch, and word.
"You have like...an iceberg of damage in you, and you keep trying to think it's all fine, but I keep wrecking myself on bigger and bigger pieces."
"I fixed it for me, and that's going to have to be what's right.
ARC received from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
October 3, 2017
Edit several days later
Many already know what went down after one of the several issues with the book became viralized and after some brand names started in on the topic. Since then, the editor of the book has apologized for their glib original response, Riptide has issued a response and Amy Lane has fucked up even worse.
My initial feeling as a POC was one of skepticism and truthfully I sneered. After a few days of consideration, I continue to feel the same.
Look, Riptide apologising and somewhat owning up to their mistake is major. But only because it's rare that other publishers do the same. It's not really that much of an accomplishment and I can't praise them for it (like many many white authors were fast to do)- for doing the right thing-, it just shows that behind Riptide there are good people and good business practices. And that's great. That's awesome. It's a start. It's not even close to enough.
First, their response doesn't acknowledge either the book or the author in question. I can understand not wanting to further the "drama", but that's a huge cop out. Not wanting to make a bigger thing out of it only confirms that there IS a big thing to worry about. And it cements my feelings that they do regard the issue as "drama", not as constant, living pain for many. It automatically reduces the matter at hand by making it something to be careful about instead of something to be worried about.
Second, like many of the people commenting on the issue, Riptide is focusing on changing the wording of a scene. Not in realising (or maybe not wanting to acknowledge) that the novel- and the person who wrote it- is entirely racist. The phrasing in question is fucking horrible. It is appalling. And, it is not even the tip of the iceberg of the point. Erasing a problematic sentence does not erase the humongous pile of racist shit in the book. It barely addresses the problem. Even just paying attention to that single scene the use of the word is not the only enormously obvious racism. One the most horrible things in a scene like that one (and that it is eerily reminiscent of one in Lollipop) is that the whole discussion is framed in a way where the aggravated person- and the one to be consoled- is the white guy! All of this in a scene that supposedly discusses colour-specific racism! And the poor poor white guy (at least until that point in the novel, apparently it is later revealed that the other MC is Mexican- which as a Mexican I call bull- and it still changes nothing) is the one you need to empathise with. So no, changing the extremely offensive phrase changes just that, a phrase. It doesn't make much of a real difference in the end. And for them to not realise that, speaks of the place of privilege they are still making statements from. It is frankly demoralizing. Like I said in the comments of someone else's review: They are focusing on the scene that was the most offensive and thus the one that went viral. But that's only a sentence that exemplifies a much broader problem with the book.
Third, because of my second point I don't believe that hiring sensitivity readers is a good enough answer. The systemic, casual and offhand racism in a book is not a thing that should rest upon the shoulders of one reader. If a whole novel is extremely problematic- like some of Amy Lane's are- a sensitivity reader won't be able to do much except tell you that the book sucks. But based on that, it would be very easy for the publisher to say: "well, our sensitivity reader didn't point out anything specific" and relegate the blame onto someone else. As of right now, I don't have the confidence necessary in Riptide to say that they won't do this. Not when their apology is like the one they did. Yes, it does shoulder the responsibility of a scene. Yes, it is heartfelt. Yes, I do think they strive to be better. No, it doesn't even remotely get the scope of the situation.
Fourth, a part of me doesn't buy it. The apology I mean. Several days before the explosion of the comments on Twitter, a few (very few, but still) reviewers had already mentioned the racism displayed on the book. They were ignored. Some people started replicating the comments. They were ignored. There's at least one person who through NetGalley mentions having addressed the problematic content of the book in an ARC. They were ignored. It wasn't until some recognised romance media people started demanding answers that we got some. And while that's good (yay! twitter does work for something!) it left me with a very sour taste in my mouth. The fact that the editor's first initial response was directed in a tweet to one of those people and not to readers, not to POC, not to queer POC, not to reviewers who had already spoken up made it even worse. It left me mistrustful of their owning up to the problem.
Finally, at this moment, anyone contracting Amy Lane and publishing a book of hers with either POC characters or queer characters (because let's not forget this crap) is on my not-positive watch list. Amy Lane has constantly proven that she is not getting it. And anyone giving her a platform to further cement stereotypes, hurtful tropes, racist representation or problematic bullshit is not a pal of mine. Discussing her further is futile right now. And so is expecting her to accept responsibility or to wait for her to change. But to continue to allow her spaces for her to prominently display bigoted representations is not something I can let slide.
So, we'll see. I had mad respect for Riptide even after some previous faux-passes. This wasn't the first time they had dropped the ball with occasional racism in their books, it just hadn't become viral before. They had my benefit of the doubt. They don't anymore.
_______________________________________
Not reading for the reasons stated in this review.
Many already know what went down after one of the several issues with the book became viralized and after some brand names started in on the topic. Since then, the editor of the book has apologized for their glib original response, Riptide has issued a response and Amy Lane has fucked up even worse.
My initial feeling as a POC was one of skepticism and truthfully I sneered. After a few days of consideration, I continue to feel the same.
Look, Riptide apologising and somewhat owning up to their mistake is major. But only because it's rare that other publishers do the same. It's not really that much of an accomplishment and I can't praise them for it (like many many white authors were fast to do)- for doing the right thing-, it just shows that behind Riptide there are good people and good business practices. And that's great. That's awesome. It's a start. It's not even close to enough.
First, their response doesn't acknowledge either the book or the author in question. I can understand not wanting to further the "drama", but that's a huge cop out. Not wanting to make a bigger thing out of it only confirms that there IS a big thing to worry about. And it cements my feelings that they do regard the issue as "drama", not as constant, living pain for many. It automatically reduces the matter at hand by making it something to be careful about instead of something to be worried about.
Second, like many of the people commenting on the issue, Riptide is focusing on changing the wording of a scene. Not in realising (or maybe not wanting to acknowledge) that the novel- and the person who wrote it- is entirely racist. The phrasing in question is fucking horrible. It is appalling. And, it is not even the tip of the iceberg of the point. Erasing a problematic sentence does not erase the humongous pile of racist shit in the book. It barely addresses the problem. Even just paying attention to that single scene the use of the word is not the only enormously obvious racism. One the most horrible things in a scene like that one (and that it is eerily reminiscent of one in Lollipop) is that the whole discussion is framed in a way where the aggravated person- and the one to be consoled- is the white guy! All of this in a scene that supposedly discusses colour-specific racism! And the poor poor white guy (at least until that point in the novel, apparently it is later revealed that the other MC is Mexican- which as a Mexican I call bull- and it still changes nothing) is the one you need to empathise with. So no, changing the extremely offensive phrase changes just that, a phrase. It doesn't make much of a real difference in the end. And for them to not realise that, speaks of the place of privilege they are still making statements from. It is frankly demoralizing. Like I said in the comments of someone else's review: They are focusing on the scene that was the most offensive and thus the one that went viral. But that's only a sentence that exemplifies a much broader problem with the book.
Third, because of my second point I don't believe that hiring sensitivity readers is a good enough answer. The systemic, casual and offhand racism in a book is not a thing that should rest upon the shoulders of one reader. If a whole novel is extremely problematic- like some of Amy Lane's are- a sensitivity reader won't be able to do much except tell you that the book sucks. But based on that, it would be very easy for the publisher to say: "well, our sensitivity reader didn't point out anything specific" and relegate the blame onto someone else. As of right now, I don't have the confidence necessary in Riptide to say that they won't do this. Not when their apology is like the one they did. Yes, it does shoulder the responsibility of a scene. Yes, it is heartfelt. Yes, I do think they strive to be better. No, it doesn't even remotely get the scope of the situation.
Fourth, a part of me doesn't buy it. The apology I mean. Several days before the explosion of the comments on Twitter, a few (very few, but still) reviewers had already mentioned the racism displayed on the book. They were ignored. Some people started replicating the comments. They were ignored. There's at least one person who through NetGalley mentions having addressed the problematic content of the book in an ARC. They were ignored. It wasn't until some recognised romance media people started demanding answers that we got some. And while that's good (yay! twitter does work for something!) it left me with a very sour taste in my mouth. The fact that the editor's first initial response was directed in a tweet to one of those people and not to readers, not to POC, not to queer POC, not to reviewers who had already spoken up made it even worse. It left me mistrustful of their owning up to the problem.
Finally, at this moment, anyone contracting Amy Lane and publishing a book of hers with either POC characters or queer characters (because let's not forget this crap) is on my not-positive watch list. Amy Lane has constantly proven that she is not getting it. And anyone giving her a platform to further cement stereotypes, hurtful tropes, racist representation or problematic bullshit is not a pal of mine. Discussing her further is futile right now. And so is expecting her to accept responsibility or to wait for her to change. But to continue to allow her spaces for her to prominently display bigoted representations is not something I can let slide.
So, we'll see. I had mad respect for Riptide even after some previous faux-passes. This wasn't the first time they had dropped the ball with occasional racism in their books, it just hadn't become viral before. They had my benefit of the doubt. They don't anymore.
_______________________________________
Not reading for the reasons stated in this review.
May 14, 2016
There's a reason Amy Lane is widely considered one of the greatest m/m romance authors of all time, and this book is a shining example. When Lane is on her game, she makes other competent writers look like children writing essays with crayons and craft paper.
The emotional complexity of the main character is unparalleled, and the dynamics of his relationships, both with lovers and friends, are masterfully wrought. The story is simultaneously heartbreaking and uplifting, sweet and sad. It's rare for a book to make me cry, and I was at that point several times while making my way through this one.
The emotional complexity of the main character is unparalleled, and the dynamics of his relationships, both with lovers and friends, are masterfully wrought. The story is simultaneously heartbreaking and uplifting, sweet and sad. It's rare for a book to make me cry, and I was at that point several times while making my way through this one.
April 16, 2016
Full review now posted 4/16/16
Once again, Amy Lane does not disappoint. What a beautiful, emotional journey about learning to live again after the loss of a loved one.
Selifie by Amy Lane, is a story of a movie star, Connor Montgomery, learning to live life again after the death of fellow movie star and boyfriend Vinnie Walker. The world knew them as best friends, always together and having fun. But they were much more than that, they were the world to each other. After Vinnie is killed in a car accident, Connor is left broken and alone. It isn’t until his agent, Jilly, gets him back into acting and landed him a role in a paranormal show, Wolfs Landing, and he moves up to Washington for filming. As soon as Connor meets his driver/bodyguard, Noah Dakers, there is an attraction, but Connor cannot handle a relationship because he is still grieving over Vinnie.
Noah Drakers is funny, extremely sarcastic, and has been assigned to be Connor Montgomery’s driver/bodyguard. He also knows there is more to Connor than what he allows the world to see. Noah understands Connor is mourning the death of his friend. He is so lost in his grief, it is obvious he is just living his life by acting a role, not living. Noah takes care of Connor to the point that Connor is dependent on Noah for almost everything. But is there room in Connor’s heart for Noah too, or will the Vinnie’s ghost win.
He was the real deal. He'd given me everything he had to make sure I know I could lean on him for strength-and then relaxed and hoped I'd take it when I needed it.
"You'll never be just my healing guy," I said after a moment. "You are ....so much more than that."~Connor
"You don't understand. You're my only reason to stay. Don't let go of me now, okay? You're what's holding me here." ~Connor
I absolutely loved Connor and Noah together. There were times I wanted to smack Connor because he couldn’t let Vinnie go, and poor Noah had such patience and understanding. I really loved how Noah took total control in the bedroom, which Connor desperately needed.
Great story, although it could be angsty at times, I highly recommend it for any Amy Lane fan. Also, the Bluewater Bay books can be read as standalone.
I was provided a copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review
Once again, Amy Lane does not disappoint. What a beautiful, emotional journey about learning to live again after the loss of a loved one.
Selifie by Amy Lane, is a story of a movie star, Connor Montgomery, learning to live life again after the death of fellow movie star and boyfriend Vinnie Walker. The world knew them as best friends, always together and having fun. But they were much more than that, they were the world to each other. After Vinnie is killed in a car accident, Connor is left broken and alone. It isn’t until his agent, Jilly, gets him back into acting and landed him a role in a paranormal show, Wolfs Landing, and he moves up to Washington for filming. As soon as Connor meets his driver/bodyguard, Noah Dakers, there is an attraction, but Connor cannot handle a relationship because he is still grieving over Vinnie.
Noah Drakers is funny, extremely sarcastic, and has been assigned to be Connor Montgomery’s driver/bodyguard. He also knows there is more to Connor than what he allows the world to see. Noah understands Connor is mourning the death of his friend. He is so lost in his grief, it is obvious he is just living his life by acting a role, not living. Noah takes care of Connor to the point that Connor is dependent on Noah for almost everything. But is there room in Connor’s heart for Noah too, or will the Vinnie’s ghost win.
He was the real deal. He'd given me everything he had to make sure I know I could lean on him for strength-and then relaxed and hoped I'd take it when I needed it.
"You'll never be just my healing guy," I said after a moment. "You are ....so much more than that."~Connor
"You don't understand. You're my only reason to stay. Don't let go of me now, okay? You're what's holding me here." ~Connor
I absolutely loved Connor and Noah together. There were times I wanted to smack Connor because he couldn’t let Vinnie go, and poor Noah had such patience and understanding. I really loved how Noah took total control in the bedroom, which Connor desperately needed.
Great story, although it could be angsty at times, I highly recommend it for any Amy Lane fan. Also, the Bluewater Bay books can be read as standalone.
I was provided a copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review
May 10, 2016
Although this didn't quite make it to the top ranks of my favorite Amy Lane books, (of which there are many) I was touched by the pain Connor went through as he tried to deal with a loss he couldn't openly share. Being in the closet has toxic effects that are much deeper and more pervasive than it might seem. One of the worst, throughout history, has been the way it not only crimps sharing a life together, but forbids a gay person from taking their place at a lover's side, near death, at death and after. How it robs them of the right to grief, and thereby of the natural path to recovery. Connor may seem melodramatic, but I thought it was plausible, in the face of pain locked down so hard it saturated everything in his life.
Noah was sweet and strong, and the two men were good together. I wasn't totally convinced the minor D/s element was necessary to their building relationship, but it worked well enough. The ending was an emotional wringer, and I enjoyed it enough to read the most heart-rending part twice.
Noah was sweet and strong, and the two men were good together. I wasn't totally convinced the minor D/s element was necessary to their building relationship, but it worked well enough. The ending was an emotional wringer, and I enjoyed it enough to read the most heart-rending part twice.
April 29, 2016
2.5 stars : “it’s not the book, it’s me”
This book is about grieving, healing, coming out, having a second chance. It’s packed with angst and so, so much emotion, and great characters.
So why not more stars : the writing style completely threw me off. I kept reading sentences again and again as if I couldn’t read in English anymore and therefore couldn't connect with the MCs (it kept coming and going, sadly more going than coming) and the lack of Noah’s POV didn’t help.
I felt like I missed something all the time, a real struggle. Even though I understand why this book got a lot of good reviews, it didn’t work for me.
This book is about grieving, healing, coming out, having a second chance. It’s packed with angst and so, so much emotion, and great characters.
So why not more stars : the writing style completely threw me off. I kept reading sentences again and again as if I couldn’t read in English anymore and therefore couldn't connect with the MCs (it kept coming and going, sadly more going than coming) and the lack of Noah’s POV didn’t help.
I felt like I missed something all the time, a real struggle. Even though I understand why this book got a lot of good reviews, it didn’t work for me.
May 8, 2017
Absolutely my favourite one yet in this series. This book deals - most beautifully - with grief and how it can utterly cripple you to the point where you simply cease to be. You can function but you basically stop living.
For Connor that happened when the love of his life, Vinnie, was killed by a drunk driver and their 10 year relationship became a source of constant pain because - as Hollywood actors - they'd spent those 10 years hiding everything about how they were lovers, partners, friends, irreplaceable, from the world. No-one knew Connor's overwhelming grief wasn't just for his best friend. Until one night a drunken, but thankfully silent, video exposed all that pain.
This book so beautifully gives us Connor, in all his heart-break and grieving, his fears, his anger, his tentative steps back to the road to "normal" and it spares no punches in doing so. It's also a story about love, about hope, about getting a second chance and not being too broken to grasp it.
I don't think anyone writes this type of romance better than Amy Lane and this book takes all those tropes about the toxicity of having a closeted relationship and exposes them. The setting has been built up throughout this series of mostly stand alone books but they are still loosely connected through the town of Bluewater Bay and the TV show Wolf's Landing which is filmed there.
This book sees appearances from some of the MCs from previous books and introduces its own new set of wonderful secondary characters who add flavour and I especially loved Jilly, Connor and Vinnie's manager, who had been hiding her own pain a bit too well also.
Noah, Connor's new love interest, is a study in contrasts. Part African-American, part Native American, he's deferential in his role as Connor's driver and general PA but, as their friendship develops, he becomes more than just a rock to lean against, he represents a way out of the darkness and into the light.
He's sarcastic, witty, domineering in the bedroom and takes charge of Connor, allowing him to just switch everything off and remove the pain of loss and change it up for something else (although I'm not sure that exactly worked for me).
Not everything is doom and gloom though, there are flashes of humour, of sunlight and soft kisses as well as steamy sex and hot passionate love making. There are bike rides and brilliant acting shots, new friendships and, eventually, there is acceptance, closure and moving on.
For Connor that happened when the love of his life, Vinnie, was killed by a drunk driver and their 10 year relationship became a source of constant pain because - as Hollywood actors - they'd spent those 10 years hiding everything about how they were lovers, partners, friends, irreplaceable, from the world. No-one knew Connor's overwhelming grief wasn't just for his best friend. Until one night a drunken, but thankfully silent, video exposed all that pain.
This book so beautifully gives us Connor, in all his heart-break and grieving, his fears, his anger, his tentative steps back to the road to "normal" and it spares no punches in doing so. It's also a story about love, about hope, about getting a second chance and not being too broken to grasp it.
I don't think anyone writes this type of romance better than Amy Lane and this book takes all those tropes about the toxicity of having a closeted relationship and exposes them. The setting has been built up throughout this series of mostly stand alone books but they are still loosely connected through the town of Bluewater Bay and the TV show Wolf's Landing which is filmed there.
This book sees appearances from some of the MCs from previous books and introduces its own new set of wonderful secondary characters who add flavour and I especially loved Jilly, Connor and Vinnie's manager, who had been hiding her own pain a bit too well also.
Noah, Connor's new love interest, is a study in contrasts. Part African-American, part Native American, he's deferential in his role as Connor's driver and general PA but, as their friendship develops, he becomes more than just a rock to lean against, he represents a way out of the darkness and into the light.
He's sarcastic, witty, domineering in the bedroom and takes charge of Connor, allowing him to just switch everything off and remove the pain of loss and change it up for something else (although I'm not sure that exactly worked for me).
Not everything is doom and gloom though, there are flashes of humour, of sunlight and soft kisses as well as steamy sex and hot passionate love making. There are bike rides and brilliant acting shots, new friendships and, eventually, there is acceptance, closure and moving on.
do-not-read
April 26, 2016Oh, hell the fuck no. [x]
April 18, 2016
This a very emotional story about grief and second chances. Connor and Vinnie were Hollywood actors who were in a relationship for ten years before Vinnie is killed in a car accident. The incident spirals Connor into a pit of despair. On the one year anniversary of Vinnie's death Connor makes a drunken video chronicling his pain and posts it on YouTube. The incident shows his manager how bad things have gotten and she pushes him to take a role on a television show in Washington in an effort to start over. Connor takes the role because he know he needs a lifeline. While he's there Connor starts the journey of putting himself back together.
This story was very emotional. I think I was only about 4% into the book the first time my eyes filled with tears and they pretty much stayed that way until the 50% mark. This author is known for her angst filled stories but this one isn't as much angst as sad. Connor's sadness and grief are so realistic they jump off the page at you. Actually he's beyond sad. I used the word despair earlier because really that's what it feels like. There are so many emotional moments as Connor makes new friends and finally starts to have open and honest conversations with the people in his life. Connor's journey to finally saying good-bye to Vinnie is heart breaking.
While he's there he meets Noah and the two become friends and then lovers. I appreciated that the author didn't make Connor's grief magically go away with the love of another person. It doesn't. It eases some but it's really a process that he has to work through and Noah has to support him through it. Noah is a charming character and he's rock solid in his support of Connor. I know most of this review has been talking about how sad the book was but that's not all that it is. It is also a beautiful story about second chances and starting over. The ending was lovely and touching.
This book was really well written and evoked a wide range of emotions in me. This is part of a series but it is easily read as a standalone. I actually haven't read any of the previous books and I don't think it mattered at all. This book is something special and is a definite recommend.
This story was very emotional. I think I was only about 4% into the book the first time my eyes filled with tears and they pretty much stayed that way until the 50% mark. This author is known for her angst filled stories but this one isn't as much angst as sad. Connor's sadness and grief are so realistic they jump off the page at you. Actually he's beyond sad. I used the word despair earlier because really that's what it feels like. There are so many emotional moments as Connor makes new friends and finally starts to have open and honest conversations with the people in his life. Connor's journey to finally saying good-bye to Vinnie is heart breaking.
While he's there he meets Noah and the two become friends and then lovers. I appreciated that the author didn't make Connor's grief magically go away with the love of another person. It doesn't. It eases some but it's really a process that he has to work through and Noah has to support him through it. Noah is a charming character and he's rock solid in his support of Connor. I know most of this review has been talking about how sad the book was but that's not all that it is. It is also a beautiful story about second chances and starting over. The ending was lovely and touching.
This book was really well written and evoked a wide range of emotions in me. This is part of a series but it is easily read as a standalone. I actually haven't read any of the previous books and I don't think it mattered at all. This book is something special and is a definite recommend.
March 31, 2016
Full review closer to release date but note:
I cried in EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER while I read this.
I stayed up til 3 am to finish it.
I want my very own Noah.
Let me warn you right now. You will need Kleenex. Lots of them. For this book.
If you combine “The Bells of Times Square” with “The Locker Room” you get a small inkling of how painful this book is.
posted here on release day http://openskyebookreviews.com/selfie...
I cried in EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER while I read this.
I stayed up til 3 am to finish it.
I want my very own Noah.
Let me warn you right now. You will need Kleenex. Lots of them. For this book.
If you combine “The Bells of Times Square” with “The Locker Room” you get a small inkling of how painful this book is.
posted here on release day http://openskyebookreviews.com/selfie...
June 15, 2017
It was ok. Too much angst. Con trying to get over Vinnie's dead got old after a while. The conversations with Vinnie 's ghost were a little ridiculous.
Overall ok. Nothing to call home about.
Overall ok. Nothing to call home about.
April 30, 2016
This review is going to be offensive - so in case you are very sensitive, don't read it.
I really liked the book. Amy Lane can write and her characters are funny, quirky, damaged, weak and strong, sbumissive and dominant and....oh, wow, sometimes not even white.
How often does the "not white community" (yes, I use this phrase because silly me just doesn't know which is the right way to adress and include everybody who doesn't indientify as white at the moment - in case you haven't noticed, the political correct way changes from time to time. What was okay last week might be wrong this week) complain about not being represented in books often enough. That all these white hetero women are writing about white gay men. People are demanding diversity. Now here comes a white woman and writes a book with a strong, compassionate, very, very lovable POC main character (oh god, I really hope POC is political correct) and everybody gets their panties in a twist because she has used a raical phrase in the book.
Okay - I admit, I didn't see it. No. I still can't see it. I'll never be able to understand the problem.
One character says, that a newspaper might call the POC a "Dark Chocolate Love Monkey". Seriously, I hadn't even known this was an insult. Well, of course, I live in Europe and have therefore no clue about stuff like this anyway. But well, I have to believe everybody with the twisted panties - this is an insult. Okay, it was meant to be one. It was meant to be an insult done by the newspaper. It also could have been something like "golddigger" or "fling of the day". That Noah takes it and makes fun of it "Can I call myself that in the press?" shows only one thing - he has humor and understands that not everything in the world can be taken 100% serious, especially something written by a newspaper. And Connor's reaction for thanking him that he doesn't care about the insult (hello, because that means when he says: "Thank you".."For what?"..."For not caring if you are my Dark Chocolate Monkey of Love") isn't racist either.
All that this dialoque shows is, that some people might react negative about their relationship - might even give it a racist twist - but that Noah is bigger than letting this affect him and Connor seeing his strength and humor.
People, stop this witch hunt, if I try to be offended I'll find something around every next corner. Maybe a little faith in people, not always assuming the worst and please stop taking stuff out of context would be quite nice.
I really liked the book. Amy Lane can write and her characters are funny, quirky, damaged, weak and strong, sbumissive and dominant and....oh, wow, sometimes not even white.
How often does the "not white community" (yes, I use this phrase because silly me just doesn't know which is the right way to adress and include everybody who doesn't indientify as white at the moment - in case you haven't noticed, the political correct way changes from time to time. What was okay last week might be wrong this week) complain about not being represented in books often enough. That all these white hetero women are writing about white gay men. People are demanding diversity. Now here comes a white woman and writes a book with a strong, compassionate, very, very lovable POC main character (oh god, I really hope POC is political correct) and everybody gets their panties in a twist because she has used a raical phrase in the book.
Okay - I admit, I didn't see it. No. I still can't see it. I'll never be able to understand the problem.
One character says, that a newspaper might call the POC a "Dark Chocolate Love Monkey". Seriously, I hadn't even known this was an insult. Well, of course, I live in Europe and have therefore no clue about stuff like this anyway. But well, I have to believe everybody with the twisted panties - this is an insult. Okay, it was meant to be one. It was meant to be an insult done by the newspaper. It also could have been something like "golddigger" or "fling of the day". That Noah takes it and makes fun of it "Can I call myself that in the press?" shows only one thing - he has humor and understands that not everything in the world can be taken 100% serious, especially something written by a newspaper. And Connor's reaction for thanking him that he doesn't care about the insult (hello, because that means when he says: "Thank you".."For what?"..."For not caring if you are my Dark Chocolate Monkey of Love") isn't racist either.
All that this dialoque shows is, that some people might react negative about their relationship - might even give it a racist twist - but that Noah is bigger than letting this affect him and Connor seeing his strength and humor.
People, stop this witch hunt, if I try to be offended I'll find something around every next corner. Maybe a little faith in people, not always assuming the worst and please stop taking stuff out of context would be quite nice.
March 2, 2016
4.5 stars
I thought I could make it... I was sure this was going to be the very first angst-heavy Amy Lane book where I wasn't going to cry! I was sure I wasn't going to shed a tear! Oh how wrong I was; this one hit me late in the book, in the last 20% even, that's why I never saw it coming. But when it did, it was so painful it simply took my breath away... yes there were tears and real crying, and my heart simply HURT!
We know from the blurb that Connor lost the love of his life, his best friend and partner Vinnie, to a drunk driver. They were each other's everything in private, but nobody knew that, not Vinnie's family, not their friends, not the fans and public in general. Connor is still grieving a year after Vinnie's death, only nobody really knows just how deep his pain runs, how utterly broken he is after losing Vinnie, and his grieving process is stunted by the fact that it's all done in private; how can he openly and honestly grieve the way he's supposed to when his whole life is a big dark secret?
After drunkenly recording a video on the anniversary of Vinnie's death and uploading it on youtube, his agent and friend thinks a change of scenery will be the best thing for Connor, and so Connor moves to Bluewater Bay where he starts his new role in Wolf’s Landing. His driver Noah is a bright spot in Connor's dark life, and they quickly become good friends. Noah can see through the facade, can see the real Connor, and he likes and wants what he sees. But before they can be together Connor has to grieve properly and throughout the grieving process we learn that Vinnie wasn't as perfect as he seemed. Connor was Vinnie's rock who supported him through two trips to rehab, who stayed in the closet and hid their relationship from the world because Vinnie wasn't strong enough to come out, who forgave Vinnie's many infidelities. The only thing Connor can't forgive is that Vinnie left him and will never be back again.
At first I thought this wasn't as painful as it could be, taking into consideration Connor is the narrator of this story. We get to know Connor real well, we get to form a bond with him and hurt for him, because the writing is raw, honest and blunt. I loved Noah as a character, but I absolute adored how Connor saw him through his own eyes. Noah was everything Connor needed, he became the reason Connor overcame his grief and was able to take the brave steps of showing the world the truth about himself. It took a long time for Connor and Noah to get to solid ground when it comes to their feelings for one another and it was totally understandable considering the circumstances, but their physical relationship was smoking hot! Noah is dominant and intense, exactly what Connor needs and wants, so the sex is full of dirty talk, intense and passionate. Perfect!
There are many things I loved about this book, including the secondary characters (Vinnie's family and Noah's family), but there was also one thing that didn't sit well with me. I thought it took Connor too long to get over Vinnie and show Noah he truly loves him. It took literally most of the book for him to let Vinnie go and while I understood it, I didn't like it. I needed more of Noah and Connor as an established couple, I needed to see them completely together for more than just a couple of chapters.
This book is beautiful but full of sharp edges that will cut you open and will make you bleed. But it's also hopeful and real. Recommended!
I thought I could make it... I was sure this was going to be the very first angst-heavy Amy Lane book where I wasn't going to cry! I was sure I wasn't going to shed a tear! Oh how wrong I was; this one hit me late in the book, in the last 20% even, that's why I never saw it coming. But when it did, it was so painful it simply took my breath away... yes there were tears and real crying, and my heart simply HURT!
We know from the blurb that Connor lost the love of his life, his best friend and partner Vinnie, to a drunk driver. They were each other's everything in private, but nobody knew that, not Vinnie's family, not their friends, not the fans and public in general. Connor is still grieving a year after Vinnie's death, only nobody really knows just how deep his pain runs, how utterly broken he is after losing Vinnie, and his grieving process is stunted by the fact that it's all done in private; how can he openly and honestly grieve the way he's supposed to when his whole life is a big dark secret?
After drunkenly recording a video on the anniversary of Vinnie's death and uploading it on youtube, his agent and friend thinks a change of scenery will be the best thing for Connor, and so Connor moves to Bluewater Bay where he starts his new role in Wolf’s Landing. His driver Noah is a bright spot in Connor's dark life, and they quickly become good friends. Noah can see through the facade, can see the real Connor, and he likes and wants what he sees. But before they can be together Connor has to grieve properly and throughout the grieving process we learn that Vinnie wasn't as perfect as he seemed. Connor was Vinnie's rock who supported him through two trips to rehab, who stayed in the closet and hid their relationship from the world because Vinnie wasn't strong enough to come out, who forgave Vinnie's many infidelities. The only thing Connor can't forgive is that Vinnie left him and will never be back again.
At first I thought this wasn't as painful as it could be, taking into consideration Connor is the narrator of this story. We get to know Connor real well, we get to form a bond with him and hurt for him, because the writing is raw, honest and blunt. I loved Noah as a character, but I absolute adored how Connor saw him through his own eyes. Noah was everything Connor needed, he became the reason Connor overcame his grief and was able to take the brave steps of showing the world the truth about himself. It took a long time for Connor and Noah to get to solid ground when it comes to their feelings for one another and it was totally understandable considering the circumstances, but their physical relationship was smoking hot! Noah is dominant and intense, exactly what Connor needs and wants, so the sex is full of dirty talk, intense and passionate. Perfect!
There are many things I loved about this book, including the secondary characters (Vinnie's family and Noah's family), but there was also one thing that didn't sit well with me. I thought it took Connor too long to get over Vinnie and show Noah he truly loves him. It took literally most of the book for him to let Vinnie go and while I understood it, I didn't like it. I needed more of Noah and Connor as an established couple, I needed to see them completely together for more than just a couple of chapters.
This book is beautiful but full of sharp edges that will cut you open and will make you bleed. But it's also hopeful and real. Recommended!
April 18, 2016
Connor is having a hard time coping. His boyfriend of 10 years died a year ago, but since they never came out, he isn't seen as a man morning his partner. He's sinking. He's in the public eye, which highlights to the world any mistakes he makes.
Noah is strong and real, exactly what Connor needs. He quickly falls in love with Connor and patiently guides him back to the land of the living.
Selfie covers so many points like coming out as gay, loosing a significant other, suffering a breakdown, learning to live again and finding love. Also it has a behind the scenes look inside the life of a hot actor and plenty of sexy times. I think it's very sweet, inspiring and entertaining, and it doesn't leave out the imperfect parts of life.
June 1, 2020
Somewhere between 3.5 and 4.5 stars. There were parts of this I absolutely LOVED. god the writing was fantastic and beautiful and heartbreaking and I was sad. Like a deep, profound sad. I adored Connor and Noah could not have been more perfect. The interactions between Connor and Jillian were painful and wonderful. Pain. Lots of pain.
I think what I had a hard time with here, was this story made me feel like a bad person at times.
I think what I had a hard time with here, was this story made me feel like a bad person at times.
April 10, 2016
First, I want to mention that the Bluewater Bay books can all be read as standalone. You will find character crossovers in the books, but they're not so predominant that you can't easily follow along. So, if you haven't read any of this series, don't be daunted by the fact that this one is #13. I will say that both of my favorite books from this series (so far) were both written by Amy Lane.
Amy Lane has this thing where she writes a story that when I read it, it makes me feel all the feelings, sometimes all at once. Selfie is a story about loss and about love and about finding that you still have something to live for. It's about healing. It's an emotional story and you will feel it. On the Amy Lane angst scale, I'd say this one falls somewhere between Candy Man and Beneath the Stain. So, not really light and fluffy, but not apocalypse level angst, either.
Connor Montgomery lost the love of his life a year ago and he couldn't even grieve in public. Since they were both closeted, no one knew that he and Vinnie were more than best friends and so for the next year he grieved alone. And that never really does go well. Once Connor starts to reclaim his public life, he finds that more and more he's only losing himself. Getting cast on Wolf's Landing was supposed to be a new beginning, and it was, but it also meant he needed to let go of things past, and embrace who he is now.
And that's where it gets sticky. Connor rents a house on the sound and he can see an island across the water and that island metaphorically becomes the place he keeps his pain and his memories. And he has so many conversations with Vinnie, in his head, that just broke my heart, over and over and over again. Connor hasn't really dealt with the loss and moving forward seems so impossible.
But in comes Noah Dakers. Strong, self assured, and very much attracted to Connor. The feeling is mutual. Their connection is a bit of a slow burn, but Noah doesn't do anything in half measures. There are times when Noah is the only thing holding Connor together, and that's not really fair to Noah, who is so ready for his forever guy. Connor takes forever to really get there, but I don't think he would have ever gotten there at all if it hadn't been for Noah's efforts to keep Connor in the present.
The whole time, with the internal Vinnie dialog and the island, I could feel Connor's pain and his loneliness. It was palpable. But when he was naked with Noah, he was able to focus on the now, and he needed that so badly. He needed to be able to let go and let someone else take charge. And Noah gave him that, while doing his best to be patient while Connor worked on himself. And Connor definitely got worse, before he got better.
Sometimes the water between you and closure is cold and even though you think you can make it across, you really just need to let it all go before it consumes you. And that is hard to do. And Connor doesn't know how for the longest time. But he does find his way and his and Noah's HEA is strong and well fought. Just like I've come to expect from Amy Lane.
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ARC of Selfie generously provided by the publisher, via Netgalley, in exchange for an honest review.
Amy Lane has this thing where she writes a story that when I read it, it makes me feel all the feelings, sometimes all at once. Selfie is a story about loss and about love and about finding that you still have something to live for. It's about healing. It's an emotional story and you will feel it. On the Amy Lane angst scale, I'd say this one falls somewhere between Candy Man and Beneath the Stain. So, not really light and fluffy, but not apocalypse level angst, either.
Connor Montgomery lost the love of his life a year ago and he couldn't even grieve in public. Since they were both closeted, no one knew that he and Vinnie were more than best friends and so for the next year he grieved alone. And that never really does go well. Once Connor starts to reclaim his public life, he finds that more and more he's only losing himself. Getting cast on Wolf's Landing was supposed to be a new beginning, and it was, but it also meant he needed to let go of things past, and embrace who he is now.
And that's where it gets sticky. Connor rents a house on the sound and he can see an island across the water and that island metaphorically becomes the place he keeps his pain and his memories. And he has so many conversations with Vinnie, in his head, that just broke my heart, over and over and over again. Connor hasn't really dealt with the loss and moving forward seems so impossible.
But in comes Noah Dakers. Strong, self assured, and very much attracted to Connor. The feeling is mutual. Their connection is a bit of a slow burn, but Noah doesn't do anything in half measures. There are times when Noah is the only thing holding Connor together, and that's not really fair to Noah, who is so ready for his forever guy. Connor takes forever to really get there, but I don't think he would have ever gotten there at all if it hadn't been for Noah's efforts to keep Connor in the present.
The whole time, with the internal Vinnie dialog and the island, I could feel Connor's pain and his loneliness. It was palpable. But when he was naked with Noah, he was able to focus on the now, and he needed that so badly. He needed to be able to let go and let someone else take charge. And Noah gave him that, while doing his best to be patient while Connor worked on himself. And Connor definitely got worse, before he got better.
Sometimes the water between you and closure is cold and even though you think you can make it across, you really just need to let it all go before it consumes you. And that is hard to do. And Connor doesn't know how for the longest time. But he does find his way and his and Noah's HEA is strong and well fought. Just like I've come to expect from Amy Lane.
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ARC of Selfie generously provided by the publisher, via Netgalley, in exchange for an honest review.
May 2, 2016
4.5 stars!!!
When we meet Connor Montgomery, he is basically at rock bottom. Having woken up with a helluva hangover, AND discovering that he filmed himself in a drunken stupor—raging, crying, and…singing over the anniversary of the loss of his best friend and love, Vinnie—it seems he couldn’t really sink any lower. With the help of his agent, he picks himself up (read: his agent drags his ass out and does everything that needs to be done), and takes a part on the hit TV show Wolf’s Landing. I truly did love Con. He was broken. So, so broken. But, he was also much stronger than he ever allowed himself to believe, and was incredibly vulnerable and in need of being loved.
Upon arriving in the gooorgeous Pacific Northwest (ok, I’m biased) to get settled before his work begins on the show, he meets his new driver and personal assistant, Noah Dakers. You guys are going to fall immediately in love with Noah, as I did. I’m telling you, he is perfection. He is excellent at reading Connor, and at figuring out early on exactly what it is that Connor needs. Noah is also insanely sexy, and their chemistry will melt your brain. And probably your e-reader.
Sometimes reading an Amy Lane book is just like…coming home. Reading Selfie was one of those times. I adored these characters. The story was intense, funny, and incredibly moving. I cried several times and, of course, I laughed many times—I mean, it’s Amy Lane—even snorting a time or two. Like here, for example:
“Jillian…did I post a video last night?”
“Oh, honey.” I heard a shaky draw on the cigarette. “That’s like asking if the Washington Monument is a little bit of an erection.”
Which makes a perfect segue to talk about the secondary characters…The above quote is from Connor’s agent, Jillian, affectionately called Jilly. She was also Vinnie’s agent, and loved her boys fiercely. She is a take-no-shit, protective, passionate woman, and I don’t know what Connor would ever do without her. Her presence in Connor’s life was necessary on much more than a professional level; I loved their relationship. In fact, all of the supporting characters were fantastic. I loved seeing some of the Wolf’s Landing gang, especially the hilarious cameo by Cal and Avery from Lane’s last Bluewater Bay offering, The Deep of the Sound. The families of the major players, of which I definitely consider Vinnie one, also had significant roles, and some great moments.
I loved where the author took these guys. Ascending and getting over the mountain of your grief can seem like an impossible task sometimes, and can be really scary for those closest to you to watch. But, as rough as Connor’s journey got, I knew the people in his corner were going to get him through it. I also have to acknowledge the writing talent of Amy Lane in making this story fresh and unique. The closeted actor story certainly isn’t anything new. Nor, probably, is the story of the actor falling in love with his or her PA. But, Lane put her own spin on it, as always, and made it fantastic. The setting and storyline were both so enjoyable, and the Bluewater Bay universe is charming each time I visit.
When we meet Connor Montgomery, he is basically at rock bottom. Having woken up with a helluva hangover, AND discovering that he filmed himself in a drunken stupor—raging, crying, and…singing over the anniversary of the loss of his best friend and love, Vinnie—it seems he couldn’t really sink any lower. With the help of his agent, he picks himself up (read: his agent drags his ass out and does everything that needs to be done), and takes a part on the hit TV show Wolf’s Landing. I truly did love Con. He was broken. So, so broken. But, he was also much stronger than he ever allowed himself to believe, and was incredibly vulnerable and in need of being loved.
Upon arriving in the gooorgeous Pacific Northwest (ok, I’m biased) to get settled before his work begins on the show, he meets his new driver and personal assistant, Noah Dakers. You guys are going to fall immediately in love with Noah, as I did. I’m telling you, he is perfection. He is excellent at reading Connor, and at figuring out early on exactly what it is that Connor needs. Noah is also insanely sexy, and their chemistry will melt your brain. And probably your e-reader.
Sometimes reading an Amy Lane book is just like…coming home. Reading Selfie was one of those times. I adored these characters. The story was intense, funny, and incredibly moving. I cried several times and, of course, I laughed many times—I mean, it’s Amy Lane—even snorting a time or two. Like here, for example:
“Jillian…did I post a video last night?”
“Oh, honey.” I heard a shaky draw on the cigarette. “That’s like asking if the Washington Monument is a little bit of an erection.”
Which makes a perfect segue to talk about the secondary characters…The above quote is from Connor’s agent, Jillian, affectionately called Jilly. She was also Vinnie’s agent, and loved her boys fiercely. She is a take-no-shit, protective, passionate woman, and I don’t know what Connor would ever do without her. Her presence in Connor’s life was necessary on much more than a professional level; I loved their relationship. In fact, all of the supporting characters were fantastic. I loved seeing some of the Wolf’s Landing gang, especially the hilarious cameo by Cal and Avery from Lane’s last Bluewater Bay offering, The Deep of the Sound. The families of the major players, of which I definitely consider Vinnie one, also had significant roles, and some great moments.
I loved where the author took these guys. Ascending and getting over the mountain of your grief can seem like an impossible task sometimes, and can be really scary for those closest to you to watch. But, as rough as Connor’s journey got, I knew the people in his corner were going to get him through it. I also have to acknowledge the writing talent of Amy Lane in making this story fresh and unique. The closeted actor story certainly isn’t anything new. Nor, probably, is the story of the actor falling in love with his or her PA. But, Lane put her own spin on it, as always, and made it fantastic. The setting and storyline were both so enjoyable, and the Bluewater Bay universe is charming each time I visit.
August 26, 2016
I loved being back in the small town of Bluewater Bay. Revisiting different places and catching up with some of the town’s memorable residents was a treat. Small town romances are my weakness, and this fictional town in the Pacific Northwest makes my inner sap very happy.
At the beginning of ‘Selfie’, Connor is a pretty pitiful character. He lives as a recluse, shutting himself off from the world and drinking away the pain of his lover’s death. Being in his head was heartbreaking. We get a front-row seat to what it’s like to lose one’s second half. But from the moment that Connor meets Noah, there’s a crack in that darkness, just a sliver of light.
From Noah’s point of view, Connor is clearly not well, and not the best actor he can be. As a fan and employee, Noah wants to help Connor. But as the two become friends, Noah realizes that what Connor truly needs is someone to love him, someone to call his own.
The two slowly begin putting Connor back together, but deep down, in his heart and his head, he is still a mess. Lane does a great job of showing how bereavement can be all-encompassing, affecting a person’s physical and mental health in a way that makes it impossible to even think about being happy and whole.
I loved reading the scenes early on where Connor and Noah spent their time just talking and exploring Bluewater Bay. It made their fall into love so much more believable. And when they do take those steps towards an actual relationship, it was sweet and realistic.
Connor learns to love again, while Noah learns that Connor’s continuing love for Vinnie doesn’t mean that Connor loves him any less. I alternated between smiling and sniffling, which is what I’d expect from this author.
As much as I enjoyed the romance between Noah and Connor, there is one thing that gave me pause. There are a couple of scenes that were racially insensitive and inappropriate. I don’t believe those scenes were meant to deliberately hurt, but I think when writing about characters from different backgrounds, especially those from historically marginalized backgrounds, it’s important for authors to be aware of the words they use. I’m glad that Riptide Publishing acknowledged this in a professional and positive manner, and will make appropriate edits to the book.
Overall, ‘Selfie’ is an Amy Lane classic. It’s heartbreaking, yet very romantic. I’d recommend for readers who like angst with their MM.
At the beginning of ‘Selfie’, Connor is a pretty pitiful character. He lives as a recluse, shutting himself off from the world and drinking away the pain of his lover’s death. Being in his head was heartbreaking. We get a front-row seat to what it’s like to lose one’s second half. But from the moment that Connor meets Noah, there’s a crack in that darkness, just a sliver of light.
From Noah’s point of view, Connor is clearly not well, and not the best actor he can be. As a fan and employee, Noah wants to help Connor. But as the two become friends, Noah realizes that what Connor truly needs is someone to love him, someone to call his own.
The two slowly begin putting Connor back together, but deep down, in his heart and his head, he is still a mess. Lane does a great job of showing how bereavement can be all-encompassing, affecting a person’s physical and mental health in a way that makes it impossible to even think about being happy and whole.
I loved reading the scenes early on where Connor and Noah spent their time just talking and exploring Bluewater Bay. It made their fall into love so much more believable. And when they do take those steps towards an actual relationship, it was sweet and realistic.
Connor learns to love again, while Noah learns that Connor’s continuing love for Vinnie doesn’t mean that Connor loves him any less. I alternated between smiling and sniffling, which is what I’d expect from this author.
As much as I enjoyed the romance between Noah and Connor, there is one thing that gave me pause. There are a couple of scenes that were racially insensitive and inappropriate. I don’t believe those scenes were meant to deliberately hurt, but I think when writing about characters from different backgrounds, especially those from historically marginalized backgrounds, it’s important for authors to be aware of the words they use. I’m glad that Riptide Publishing acknowledged this in a professional and positive manner, and will make appropriate edits to the book.
Overall, ‘Selfie’ is an Amy Lane classic. It’s heartbreaking, yet very romantic. I’d recommend for readers who like angst with their MM.
not-interested
March 17, 2016NTS: Sarah's review
April 17, 2016
This book has more heart and feeling than 'romance,' but that's okay. In fact, I think it's what makes this story extra special.
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