The Art of Waiting: On Fertility, Medicine, and Motherhood

by Belle Boggs

A brilliant exploration of the natural, medical, psychological, and political facets of fertility

When Belle Boggs's "The Art of Waiting" was published in Orion in 2012, it went viral, leading to republication in Harper's Magazine , an interview on NPR's The Diane Rehm Show , and a spot at the intersection of "highbrow" and "brilliant" in New York magazine's "Approval Matrix."

In that heartbreaking essay, Boggs eloquently recounts her realization that she might never be able to conceive. She searches the apparently fertile world around her--the emergence of thirteen-year cicadas, the birth of eaglets near her rural home, and an unusual gorilla pregnancy at a local zoo--for signs that she is not alone. Boggs also explores other aspects of fertility and the way longing for a child plays out in the classic Coen brothers film Raising Arizona ; the depiction of childlessness in literature, from Macbeth to Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? ; the financial and legal complications that accompany alternative means of family making; the private and public expressions of iconic writers grappling with motherhood and fertility. She reports, with great empathy, complex stories of couples who adopted domestically and from overseas, LGBT couples considering assisted reproduction and surrogacy, and women and men reflecting on childless or child-free lives.

In The Art of Waiting , Boggs deftly distills her time of waiting into an expansive contemplation of fertility, choice, and the many possible roads to making a life and making a family.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Parenting, Science, Feminism, Health, Essays

224 pages, Paperback

First published September 6, 2016

About the author

Belle Boggs is the author of The Gulf, a novel; the nonfiction book The Art of Waiting: On Fertility, Medicine and Motherhood; and the story collection Mattaponi Queen. She has published work in Ecotone, Orion, Ploughshares, and Harper's, among other publications. She grew up in King William County, Virginia and is Associate Professor of English at North Carolina State University.

Reviews

[Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lucid and wise exploration of infertility. Belle Boggs uses her own struggle to get pregnant as a launching pad to further discuss the psychological, sociological, and financial implications of fertility and motherhood. She draws from a wide range of literature, scientific research, and current events to connect her personal life to the greater picture. I appreciated Bogg's calm voice throughout the book, as well as her inclusion of LGBT individuals' struggle and the challenges caused by racial and socioeconomic bias. The Art of Waiting itself is a work of art, and I feel glad that Boggs could shed light on such an under-discussed topic.

I knock off a couple of stars from my rating just because of the implicit pro-natalism tone in The Art of Waiting. Boggs does indeed get pregnant and has a child by the end of the book, which is wonderful because she wants that. However, her successful pregnancy acts as the resolution of her personal journey and exploration of infertility, which thus frames successfully giving birth to a child as the path to victory. I wanted more of a celebration of women who choose not to have kids even if they could, of parents who choose to adopt, of nontraditional families that eschew society's preference for the prototypical nuclear family. Boggs touches on these ideas in the first half of the book, but they fall to the wayside soon after.

Overall, a good read I would recommend to those who want to learn more about ART, IVF, and infertility/fertility in general. I hope it will pave the path for more writers to speak on these topics.

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a courageous book written by Belle Boggs who unexpectedly found herself unable to get pregnant. She explores infertility from a variety of perspectives: biological, feministic, sociological, medical, financial, political, and psychological. The book's descriptions of the frustration, pain, isolation, envy, and anger of the infertile are heart stopping. I was particularly pleased that she included LBGT individuals among the infertile. After 5 years of struggle the author did get pregnant. I think it would have been a stronger book if written by someone who never had gotten pregnant. However, it probably would have been intolerable book to write.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting book on a subject about which I know shamefully little. As a person in a same-sex marriage the possibility of dealing with some of the same issues as those struggling with infertility is more than a little daunting. This book is certainly more geared towards those in heterosexual relationships dealing with infertility although there are some bits that focus on the various ways of expanding a family for those in the LGBTQ population.

I found a few bits to the book especially interesting. Boggs spent some time discussing the limits people set for themselves when they are facing the prospect of needing assistance with expanding their families. She talks about those limits often disappearing in the face of the drive to have a biological child. She also discusses whether or not those limits would look the same if the financial side of seeking assistance in reproduction were more commonly covered by insurance. I also found her discussion of the difference between what statistics tell us are the reality of infertility versus to whom and how the industry advertises their services to be another example of systemic classism, racism and prejudice. Boggs sheds some light on how the basic human desire to reproduce has been tuned into an industry that, at it's core, functions very similarly to any other for-profit business. Ever heard of international surrogacy? Yea, that's a thing.

One thing I anticipated before reading this book was some pretty intense emotion. While Boggs did share some of her own and others' descriptions of the emotional toll that navigating medicine's system of assisted reproduction can have, I was not knocked over by it. This read, to me, like a more removed account than I initially anticipated. Now that I have some basic knowledge from reading this book I would be interested in the more emotional side as well as seeing a book focus on the unique challenges presented to LGBTQ folks navigating the system.

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

(4.0) Well done weaving her personal story with those of others. May not want to read this if you've been trying for a long time

I've had trouble with narratives like this in the past when there are too many jumps around in time and place and characters. But she does well here. Her personal story is the primary thread, but we hear about many others' experiences waiting, trying, waiting, changing plans, giving up or finally adding a child to their families.

I wonder how difficult this book might be to read if you're actively trying to get pregnant/adopt right now. It may not be the most encouraging (and of course, there's always the risk that it hurts every time you see someone else have the baby/adoption that seems forever out of reach).

She spends a chapter going into the different insurance mandates of different states and seems to assume that coverage of infinite number of IVF is the Right Thing, but doesn't consider the potential costs. It would've been a more balanced treatment of the subject if she had, and could've built on top of the discussion of the "financial derivative" she "invested in" with her IVF payment plan. There may be a bridge between the two there that won't make health insurance costs rise even faster than they are now.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't think of myself as a person who enjoys memoir, but between Maggie Nelson and this lovely book about assisted reproduction, I might be changing my mind? This is less theoretical and more journalistic than Nelson. Boggs draws from not only scientific research about human and animal reproduction, but also sociology, psychology, and literature to frame and understand her own experience with infertility. The more personal essays are especially moving and insightful. I enjoyed the chapters that investigate the broader landscape of assisted reproduction a little less, but I appreciated that Boggs investigates racial and socioeconomic bias in the treatment of infertility and also examines the additional hurdles faced by would-be LGBTQ parents. It's a big, inclusive approach - she also talks about women who are childless by choice - that's still firmly cemented her personal desire to be a parent.

Highly recommended for anyone thinking about pregnancy, parenting, writing, etc.

[Shelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great and well researched book on infertility, adoption, IUI & IVF, surrogacy, forced sterilization, gay rights, child-free, racism & classism and probably a couple of other things that I'm forgetting. And all written in a very readable way. At the end of the book is also a listing of many resources, depending on your needs within the related categories.

[Sandra Vel · Rating 2 out of 5]

No es para nada lo que esperaba. El título da a entender que dará las claves para atravesar la crisis de 'la espera' (infertilidad) 'con filosofía'. Sin embargo, no esperéis encontrar herramientas para 'no desesperar' y vivirlo de la mejor manera posible... porque no tiene nada que ver. Es simplemente la experiencia de la autora (y de algunos otros testimonios) hasta conseguir su 'final feliz', salpicado de puntos de vista biológicos, literarios...
Me ha faltado emoción, sentimiento, psicología, consejos... Creo que el título es muy desacertado.

[Jasna Kaluđerović · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is written more as research essay. She investigated other books about personal experiences, infertility in marriage, gays, surrogates, adoption. She described her own state of mind during her infertility journey, but it didn't last long. They conceived successfully from the first attempt! I got even more information from this book then expected, because of the variety of her topics. She touched everything that has to do with plan B families or different techniques in ART. I also found out a few things. Something I wouldn't think about myself, but she gave me ideas: reading how gorillas react was very interesting! I never thought of comparing other species to us humans, but it does make sense! Also, choosing the time when to stop trying... I've recognized myself in the part where many people say: this is my last attempt, that was it already emotionally, financially, and then still trying one more time after that! I've never thought of that, but it is so, and it makes sense for me.

So, thanks Belle Bogs for writing this! I've enjoyed and learnt from it and I will recommend it to my readers, too.

[Rachel (TheShadesofOrange) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.0 Stars

This is well-rounded evaluation of experience of struggling with infertility in North America. Told through the lens of the author's personal struggle with infertility, she evaluates the various aspects of this complex issue from ethical concerns to financial barriers. I appreciated that she included single people and same-sex couples among those who face obstacles to having children. Regardless of one's personal health situation, this is an insightful book to read.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well written and a good account of some of the pain experienced in infertility, but author fell short in her adoption chapter. Felt she could have shared more uplifting stories - instead it came across as gloom and doom to go that route. Which I felt was short sighted as IVF is cost prohibitive, many don't want to take the risk to their health and it fails way more often than it succeeds.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having struggled with infertility, I expected to like this book more than I did. I applaud the author for sharing her story, but the writing lacked emotion and felt disjointed.

I received an ARC from Goodreads Firstreads.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really informative collection of essays about infertility, adoption, and assisted reproduction technology. The focus of each essay varies: one focuses on the nitty gritty details of IVF, another on surrogacy, etc. Almost all of the information about adoption (who can and who cannot), health insurance (what it does and does not cover in relation to assisted reproduction), and ART was new to me. The tone varies across essays as well, which helps when dealing with such an emotionally difficult topic.

This seems like the sort of book where, once you have read it, you know who else needs to read it.

[Chrism485 · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not enjoy this book.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating read - lovely personal memoir crossed with broad-reaching journalism. Like a lot of health and reproductive topics, this is one I know affects a ton of people but I don't know a whole lot about it because it's often too personal/emotional/shameful for folks to discuss openly. I know some friends have been through infertility and some version of ART and...that's about all I know. So I picked this up hoping to understand that better and learn a thing or two about the science. That, and because I'd heard her writing is lovely, and it is!

What she really gets across is how impossible and open-ended the choices involved in creating a "Plan B family" are, and how brand-new and uncertain this branch of medicine and public policy is. She talks about her personal choices, and how they go from whether/when to have a baby to gradually exploring option after option for making that happen, how to pay for it, whether to involve other people (via surrogacy or adoption), how she feels compelled to choose something. She unpacks the rational, ethical, and emotional factors going into these, and you quickly see how none of it is clear-cut.

She knows that even having most of the options she has is a function of her privilege, and discusses how other folks are systematically deprived of those choices - from forced sterilization in North Carolina, to laws designed to exclude same-sex couples from the process, to the more subtle/unconscious discrimination pushing people of color and less educated people away from ART. And she gets into some of the history and public perception of the process as well. It's far-reaching but not very in depth on any particular topic, definitely more of a memoir than a comprehensive look.

Overall, it's a candid and empathetic read, and fairly quick, and I'd recommend it to anyone who uses science and technology to manage their fertility.

[Shannon Wise · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Art of Waiting is a highly anticipated memoir from Belle Boggs based on her essay published on the internet of the same name. I was looking forward to reading the book.

I will admit that I did not finish the book. I just did not find it to be my cup of tea. I found her tone to be too academic and too condescending to get into the book father than the third essay of chapter. I wish I could have gotten through it, but I found myself looking at reading this book as a chore and I do not want to read books if they are chores. It's entirely possible that other people will read and thoroughly enjoy this book. I unfortunately am not one of those people.

I won this book from Goodreads and did not receive any other compensation for my review. The opinions expressed herein are mine and mine alone.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

As usual, Graywolf hits it out of the park. Boggs intertwined the story of her own struggle with infertility with a larger look at the ethics of and barriers to assisted reproductive technologies and the cultural pressure to have children. The resulting book is a thoughtful examination of child-bearing in the 21st century and the pressures placed on women both physically and psychologically when the biology doesn't work as society assumes it should. Boggs also tried to expand her work into the specific barriers facing same-sex couples, single parents, and people of color - few ART resources are readily available to women who are not white, well-off heteronormative married couples, an area of institutional discrimination that needs a great deal of work.

[Mythili · Rating 3 out of 5]

My tour of motherhood memoirs is back after a brief hiatus! I think the strongest parts of this book are the parts that are pure memoir and the sections that explore the psychological consequences of infertility. But there's lots of other good stuff in this book too: insightful analysis of what's deemed normal/abnormal when it comes to starting a family, solid reporting on how infertility is experienced by non-rich white ladies, etc. If you're in your thirties, you probably know someone (likely, more than one person) struggling with infertility. If you're looking for help understanding what they're experiencing, this book is a fine place to start.

[Jenny Belardi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Belle Boggs does a great job blending her memoir about her own infertility challenges with science, representations of infertility in society, and the stories of many people she knows or researched. I did not struggle with infertility myself, and this book was incredibly helpful in thinking through what several of my friends are going through.

[Michael Yoder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this from a Goodreads Giveaway. I gave the copy to my Brothers Wife. They have been together over 10 years and just got married last month. She said she loved the book and she told me to thank the author, "Thank you".

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gorgeous. Compassionate, big-hearted and inclusive. Helped this person on the precipice of infertility feel less alone, though I do wish I could get my friends to also read and extend that feeling into my every day life.

[Nikki · Rating 2 out of 5]

Was not expecting this to be a sociology paper. I expected more of a novel.

[Amy Page · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book but it seemed very all over the place and i felt no better waiting after reading this.

[Sarah Cavar · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half was far better than the second; I enjoyed the critical engagement with sexgender essentialism and medical misogyny, as well as the way the author addressed representations of motherhood and infertility in media and literary forms. The second half was frankly too bogged down by technicalities to be enjoyable. Further, the second half of the book goes into detail justifying her choice of IVF - and although that choice is hers to make, in this attempt at justification, my opinion of she and her choices became more negative. Not less.

Additionally: The author’s justification of her privilege in accessing IVF was also inadequately addressed. While she noted the massive disparities in reproductive care offerings between white, middle class women and poor women of color, she ignored the reality of her IVF coverage juxtaposed with the fact that poor women of color who already have children often lack the ability to feed, clothe, and shelter them properly. Although Boggs tries valiantly to deconstruct the selfishness ascribed to IVF-using women (and she does so effectively in much of the book’s first half!) what I gleaned from this book was a general disengagement with the realities of disadvantaged mothers, split only by periodic theoretical gestures.

[Gautam Prasad · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book felt scattered to me. The author would jump seemingly randomly from topic to topic. But for some reason I found it interesting. It made me think a lot about what infertility means for someone in our society. It also made me think about being selfish and wanting something that you can’t have. I also respected that the author wasn’t wealthy and had restrictions on what types of procedures they could have. They were also a bit biased and negative about adoption and surrogacy, or maybe they were realistic that they can be complicated. And it’s unclear if class issues play a role where rich couples take advantage of poor families around the world. It was thoughtful how they addressed issues of fairness in America and who has the privilege of having these procedures. But in the end it amplified my own sadness while at the same time I was grateful to the author for being a compassionate guide.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the best book I read this year! I originally bookmarked it when I was newly pregnant, but eventually bought a copy to understand my loved ones' experience with IVF. I got so much more than I bargained for, in the best way.

What starts as the author's personal story of infertility and treatment becomes an eye opening review of the choice to pursue parenthood (or not), and the many physical, psychological, and financial factors that drive and influence the shape of those journeys.

There's also a good chunk in here about the many disparities in options and access to reproductive assistance, surrogacy, and adoption (nationally and globally) that mainly disadvantages poor people, people of color, and LGBTQ+ parents to be.

Honest, hopeful, enraging, and beautiful. I can't recommended it enough.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book was good. I found myself saying “YUP!” often. As a woman who has too much personal experience with infertility and, after 6 IVF cycles finally conceived, this book was authentic, well constructed, and informative. However, I listened to the audiobook. The narrator is flat and lifeless. I found myself only being able to listen to it for about 15 minutes at a time before I got so annoyed I had to turn it off.

So if you are in the other side of waiting, this is a good read that will leave you feeling fulfilled if not hopeful. But I strongly encourage you to read it yourself!

[Brooklyn Hart ❤️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this following our third-times-the-luck trigger shot. I hope more than anything that I’m finally pregnant and never have to see another pill or needle or a transvaginal ultrasound pic of my ovaries again! These pages inspired me to doubt less and find company often. My first meeting with a RESOLVE support group is tomorrow evening. I really enjoyed the story about digging the well. How will we know when to stop drilling and move on? I hope we all hit water soon

[Colleen C · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent collection of essays that mixes research with the author’s highly personal experience of struggling to conceive.

[Madeleine · Rating 4 out of 5]

ooOOOoo i loved this book ! wish there was a lil more of the social - political analysis at the end (the politics of who we talk about when we talk about ivf) but really good addition to my more broad "reproductive justice" bookshelf and my "graywolf perfect essay" collection... two of my favorite kinds of books to read.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's so much warmth and tenderness in Belle Boggs' writing and I enjoyed her style in a nonfiction setting.