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Before You Get Engaged
Before You Get Engaged offers priceless advice and direction for daters who are considering popping (or answering) the big question. Author and counseling pastor David Gudgel teams with his son, Brent, and Brent's girlfriend, Danielle, using anecdotes, dialogue, and diary entries to discuss the twelve relational indicators indispensable to a healthy, lasting marriage, Complete with fun and endearing proposal tips as well as ways to gently ask your significant other for more time, Before You Get Engaged will equip you with the insight, confidence, and peace to make one of the biggest decisions of your life.
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
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49 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
November 12, 2012
Earlier this year as my then boyfriend and I were contemplating getting engaged, I didn't find the contents of this book totally applicable as everything seemed to be going soothly for us. Then the rocky road arrived. Through a series of events, eventually our relationship came to a close rather than moving forward. So, upon my second read through (over the past few weeks), I gleaned a lot more out of it. Seeing so many things I wish I could go back and change, and do over again. To me, this book seems more helpful for those experiencing rough times in their relationship, than those who are smooth sailing. Regardless, there are nuggets to be gleaned. He stresses putting Christ as the center of a relationship, and not rushing to the alter if yellow or red flags are flying. It's better to slow down and not add the stress of "wedding talk" until your relationship difficulties are addressed and worked through. One thing I wish more courters/serious daters would keep in mind is that a relationship doesn't have to go from friendship to engaged in a couple of month's time. It's better to take your time and have peace before moving to the next phase. I've learned a lot in this year. From what I've gleaned through the second read of this book, and life experiences, I pray the Lord will continue to mold me, prune me, grow me...and by God's grace, help me to do better in the future.
July 4, 2021
My partner and I have been working through this book for the past half a year.
Based on a Christian perspective, this book is about asking the questions and eventuating your relationship as you consider getting engaged.
The book is split into a number of sections and asks some great questions about how your relationship works, do you benefit and make eachother grow, what do others say, etc. It's easy to read and leaves lots of opportunities for personal discussion and reflection.
If you are considering and wondering about your personal growth and evaluating your relationship, this is a great book to assist you in doing so.
And no, you don't have to get engaged after reading this book. The balanced perspective also takes you through wanting or needing to wait, knowing whether to separate, or how to move forward. And even if you are not considering marriage in the near future, this book is a fantastic resource to strengthen your relationship no matter what stage you are at.
Based on a Christian perspective, this book is about asking the questions and eventuating your relationship as you consider getting engaged.
The book is split into a number of sections and asks some great questions about how your relationship works, do you benefit and make eachother grow, what do others say, etc. It's easy to read and leaves lots of opportunities for personal discussion and reflection.
If you are considering and wondering about your personal growth and evaluating your relationship, this is a great book to assist you in doing so.
And no, you don't have to get engaged after reading this book. The balanced perspective also takes you through wanting or needing to wait, knowing whether to separate, or how to move forward. And even if you are not considering marriage in the near future, this book is a fantastic resource to strengthen your relationship no matter what stage you are at.
May 10, 2024
This book describes several factors that are important to consider before getting engaged. I would recommend it mostly to college-aged dating couples or younger. But it could be useful for older couples as well as singles who want to think ahead about these things.
September 8, 2022
Very helpful: biblical advice, stories, and practical questions to ask as you evaluate if your relationship is ready for commitment.
December 28, 2023
A good book for couples who are seeking engagement. Allowed for good conversations and opportunities for reflection and prayer.
October 13, 2021
I think this is a fantastic tool for dating couples to assist in making the decision whether to get engaged or not. It is full of practical and sensible advice written to encourage couples to have a Christ-Centred, God-glorifying relationship that lasts.
It considers twelve reflective questions through 3 categories - Are you sure you’re ready? Do you make a good couple? And, What do others think?.
For those who are self aware and humbly curious this book will be very useful. It has plenty of wisdom and is easy to read. Written by a pastor with a lot of experience in marriage preparation and counselling, along with his son and girlfriend, it is thought provoking and relatable.
Occasionally he made points from scripture I wouldn’t naturally have made (eg if you have doubts you must not go ahead from the Romans choosing not eat meat)- but the wisdom stands.
It considers twelve reflective questions through 3 categories - Are you sure you’re ready? Do you make a good couple? And, What do others think?.
For those who are self aware and humbly curious this book will be very useful. It has plenty of wisdom and is easy to read. Written by a pastor with a lot of experience in marriage preparation and counselling, along with his son and girlfriend, it is thought provoking and relatable.
Occasionally he made points from scripture I wouldn’t naturally have made (eg if you have doubts you must not go ahead from the Romans choosing not eat meat)- but the wisdom stands.
December 29, 2021
wow, what a read!! I really love this book and it has been so helpful for me as I am looking to maybe start dating within this next season of my life.
Currently, I am not crushing on anyone, but that could soon change. This book has shown me the things I want and need going into a relationship, how to have Jesus at the center of it.
It also shares how to bring others into it and to seek good counsel.
Yes, I feel like you should read this before you get engaged, but it also has been so incredible for me, as before I start dating book.
I might read it again when it comes to engagement. ;)
Currently, I am not crushing on anyone, but that could soon change. This book has shown me the things I want and need going into a relationship, how to have Jesus at the center of it.
It also shares how to bring others into it and to seek good counsel.
Yes, I feel like you should read this before you get engaged, but it also has been so incredible for me, as before I start dating book.
I might read it again when it comes to engagement. ;)
June 13, 2024
Eh, not a fan of this one. I’ve obviously never been engaged but it seemed like the author gave a lot of bad advice. And a lot of contradictory advice. For instance, he expresses that if you have any doubts at all, you should wait to get married, which is perfectly reasonable. He says if you believe youre not ready for 8 years, then you should date for 8 years, which is less reasonable. But then he says you should wait until marriage to have sex. If you can wait 8 years to have sex with someone, that’s called a friend.
He had some good advice here and there but for the most part I was not a big fan of this one
August 23, 2014
"Before You Get Engaged" by David Gudgel, is a book concerning the pre-engagement period, not the pre-marriage period. It looks at serious, godly relationships and what makes them work. The book asks couples twelve big questions to think, pray, discuss before diving in deep together.
These include:
1. Would you marry you?
2. Are you all dated out?
3. Are you ready to make a "till death do you part" commitment?
4. Is the timing right?
5. Are you genuinely "in love"?
6. Do you communicate effectively?
7. Are you on the same page?
8. Are you spiritually connected?
9. Are you better together than you are apart?
10. Is your heart at peace?
11. Do you believe this is God's will?
12. Are your friends and family supportive?
When it's all said and done, while I did learn some useful things, I found this book to be rather average. At times, a strong biblical focus was present and then other times it was all but forgotten. There was one hilariously bad moment where the author talks about Jacob being a 'one man woman' and I thought, what did Leah have to say about all that? But his illustration would've fallen down otherwise. Some of the advice given isn't terribly helpful so I think it's important to be discerning. There are copious sports and automotive analogies throughout that just don't resonate with me. Not to mention, while some things in the book are true of all couples, each still has their own unique journey to walk. The book's writing style is competent but at times awkwardly conversational. Finally, there seems to be much about the dangers of jumping into an engagement and not a whole lot that's constructive about such a times as these. There just needed to be more of a balance to make it more worthwhile.
"Before You Get Engaged" was mildly helpful as an outline for godly relationships. There are some good things to think about, reflect on and discuss, but as a whole, I'm sure there are much better books on the market.
6.5/10
These include:
1. Would you marry you?
2. Are you all dated out?
3. Are you ready to make a "till death do you part" commitment?
4. Is the timing right?
5. Are you genuinely "in love"?
6. Do you communicate effectively?
7. Are you on the same page?
8. Are you spiritually connected?
9. Are you better together than you are apart?
10. Is your heart at peace?
11. Do you believe this is God's will?
12. Are your friends and family supportive?
When it's all said and done, while I did learn some useful things, I found this book to be rather average. At times, a strong biblical focus was present and then other times it was all but forgotten. There was one hilariously bad moment where the author talks about Jacob being a 'one man woman' and I thought, what did Leah have to say about all that? But his illustration would've fallen down otherwise. Some of the advice given isn't terribly helpful so I think it's important to be discerning. There are copious sports and automotive analogies throughout that just don't resonate with me. Not to mention, while some things in the book are true of all couples, each still has their own unique journey to walk. The book's writing style is competent but at times awkwardly conversational. Finally, there seems to be much about the dangers of jumping into an engagement and not a whole lot that's constructive about such a times as these. There just needed to be more of a balance to make it more worthwhile.
"Before You Get Engaged" was mildly helpful as an outline for godly relationships. There are some good things to think about, reflect on and discuss, but as a whole, I'm sure there are much better books on the market.
6.5/10
November 4, 2013
My college age Sunday School class is studying a book called “Before You Get Engaged,” by David Gudgel & Brent Gudgel with Danielle Fitch. It asks interesting questions about couples and how they approach the dating relationship and progress toward marriage. We have been engrossed in the dialogue that results and really learned a lot about ourselves.
As I prepare for class tomorrow, I am a bit bothered by chapter 9, “Are You Better Together Than Apart?”
When I married my Honey almost 22 years ago, I don’t remember being mature enough to honestly answer the questions of interdependence. Brent asks, “Are there places in my life where I need someone else to help me be better and more capable?”
When I think back over my years of marriage, I can’t think of too many times when I’ve been teachable. I’m pretty head-strong and independent. I get defensive when someone tells me I’m not doing something right. Ouch!
Can you relate? Are you aware of your weaknesses and willing to face them rationally? Women tend to beat themselves up for shortcomings. Yet, the Gudgels assert that in a marriage, we can celebrate our weaknesses because we have the other to compliment those weak spots with their strengths.
Hmmm. That’s a novel idea. We don’t have to compete with our spouse but we can each shine as a part of the whole!
How do you work through personality differences with your spouse? Have you found ways to compliment each other?
As I prepare for class tomorrow, I am a bit bothered by chapter 9, “Are You Better Together Than Apart?”
When I married my Honey almost 22 years ago, I don’t remember being mature enough to honestly answer the questions of interdependence. Brent asks, “Are there places in my life where I need someone else to help me be better and more capable?”
When I think back over my years of marriage, I can’t think of too many times when I’ve been teachable. I’m pretty head-strong and independent. I get defensive when someone tells me I’m not doing something right. Ouch!
Can you relate? Are you aware of your weaknesses and willing to face them rationally? Women tend to beat themselves up for shortcomings. Yet, the Gudgels assert that in a marriage, we can celebrate our weaknesses because we have the other to compliment those weak spots with their strengths.
Hmmm. That’s a novel idea. We don’t have to compete with our spouse but we can each shine as a part of the whole!
How do you work through personality differences with your spouse? Have you found ways to compliment each other?
February 10, 2011
I found this book a great read given that I am currently engaged. It was written well and was easy to follow. I wish I had read it months ago rather than after getting engaged. This book was still a great help because it helped to affirm that I am marrying my man for the right reasons and helped me to really analyze whether I am ready (which I am). All in all I would recommend this to anyone in a serious relationship that may be going down the road to marriage, or possibly for someone who is looking to find the right person and settle down.
December 1, 2012
I really enjoyed this quick read. I liked the "dialogue entries" by son and his girlfriend, and I thought that the content was relevant and insightful. I didn't like some of chapter four, specifically the commentary on Paul's letters, but I did like the rest of the book and would recommend it for anyone in a serious dating relationship!
August 28, 2008
This book has a lot of good points about what issues should be considered when thinking about engagement. It is definitely written from a religious point of view and they have very traditional views of what pre-marriage relationships entail. Still, good food for thought.
September 9, 2016
This has some good content in it, but it's definitely intended for college age. My boyfriend and I are in our upper 20s/30s and a lot of this was too basic. I didn't like the sections written by the son and his girlfriend. They talk down to you like you are a teenager.
June 5, 2008
This book is put on hold for me... I'm glad though, I believe the book is serving it's purpose and I hope to finish it someday.
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August 10, 2011Great book... Things you need know before you get engaged...
October 4, 2011
A great book to help you see if you are spiritually ready to commit and see if you are ready for engagement and shows great bible sculptures to back it up.
March 20, 2015
This was a really good book, but more catered to couples in their early to mid 20s. I would like to read something from this author that addresses older couples.
September 22, 2016
Put yourself at ease
A checklist to be sure you BOTH are ready for a lifetime commitment (which is a commit that doesn't happen often in life)
A checklist to be sure you BOTH are ready for a lifetime commitment (which is a commit that doesn't happen often in life)
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews