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The Gentle Parenting Book: How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven
Parenting trends come and go. Gentle parenting is different - it isn't a label for a precise set of rules but a method of parenting that embraces the needs of parent and child, while being mindful of current science and child psychology. It means parenting with empathy, respect, understanding - and boundaries.In The Gentle Parenting Book, Sarah Ockwell-Smith provides a trustworthy combination of what-to-expect information and gentle-parenting solutions to the most common challenges faced by parents with young children. Sarah addresses a wide variety of topics, including coping with a crying baby, introducing solid foods and creating healthy eating habits, potty training, starting nursery and school, sibling rivalry, tantrums, whining and sulking, aggressive behaviour and much more.And for those parents who have previously used a more authoritarian style of parenting, there's plenty of advice - and reassurance - on making the transition to a gentler approach. For many, gentle parenting comes as a relief because it chimes with their deepest instincts about the best way to raise their children.
332 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 3, 2016
319 people are currently reading
1270 people want to read
About the author
Sarah Ockwell-Smith
84 books228 followersBorn in Bedfordshire, England in 1976, Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a mother of four school aged children, three boys and one girl.
After graduating with an honors degree in Psychology, specialising in child development, she embarked on a five year career in Pharmaceutical Research and Development, working with clinical trial data, until she became pregnant with her first child in 2001. After the birth of her firstborn Sarah retrained as an Antenatal Teacher, hypnotherapist/Psychotherapist, Infant Massage Instructor and Birth and Postnatal Doula. Over the years Sarah has updated her knowledge with various study days and courses including paediatric first aid, paediatric safeguarding, perinatal psychology and birth trauma.
Sarah now works as a parenting author, writer and coach. With a particular interest in child sleep.
After graduating with an honors degree in Psychology, specialising in child development, she embarked on a five year career in Pharmaceutical Research and Development, working with clinical trial data, until she became pregnant with her first child in 2001. After the birth of her firstborn Sarah retrained as an Antenatal Teacher, hypnotherapist/Psychotherapist, Infant Massage Instructor and Birth and Postnatal Doula. Over the years Sarah has updated her knowledge with various study days and courses including paediatric first aid, paediatric safeguarding, perinatal psychology and birth trauma.
Sarah now works as a parenting author, writer and coach. With a particular interest in child sleep.
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February 3, 2023
The general ethos of this book was fine. Gentle parenting is definitely my choice of how to try and parent, though I know I won't always manage. There were several things I found tough to take about this book, though.
Firstly, the lack of concrete examples. I think the author & publisher have produced a workbook follow-up to this, which I haven't bought and read. The problem is, if you're going to sell another product which does what (in my opinion) the original book should have done as a matter of course, you'd better be absolutely sure you've recommended yourself to me as a safe guiding hand through the topic in question. I didn't feel that.
Secondly, I found the tone...variable. The author (and presumably the editor at the publisher) had intermittently *tried* to consider other possibilities than fairly affluent middle-class families, but it often felt like a token effort at best. The author very clearly feels that one parent (ideally the breastfeeding one) should be giving up or rearranging work for about the first five years of a child's life. Of course it's fine for the author to feel that, but it's simply out of reach for most families in the UK now, especially with the cost of living crisis. The editor and author clearly did make attempts to keep the tone neutral, but in certain sections (e.g. about giving up breastfeeding, ending co-sleeping, going back to work) the judgemental tone leaked through in the fact that the 'optimal' option (always be there for your child) was heavily explored and the 'less than optimal' options were briefly mentioned - again, largely without examples to help parents find their way through any problems.
Thirdly, the author provides references to studies, which I appreciate. These are - as is common, of course - cherry-picked to support her point of view and method. But I really *didn't* appreciate the way she repeatedly used "and if you do this less than optimal thing (e.g. give your kid too much screen time) they will be OBESE" as a gotcha-card for supporting her argument. "Obesity" is a nonsense category based on an outdated population-level tool (BMI) in adults, let alone in children, whose body proportions change dramatically and naturally as they grow up. Any book claiming to provide a solid evidence base for its arguments should be careful and critical in doing so. One particularly glaring example of this came when the author advised people who've recently given birth not to diet (oh good, I thought!) but then immediately said that they should be pursuing "clean eating" instead, involving freshly-made and 'nutritious' meals. I can only assume the author does not truly understand the term "clean eating". This section was entirely free of references - the author and/or the publisher should perhaps have researched "clean eating" more thoroughly and presented some links to all the research which shows that it is heavily associated with orthorexia and the development/enabling of an array of eating disorders. NOT something in my opinion which should be advocated to stressed new parents, and absolutely not to children. This too, is another place where the expected class and income of parents is covertly revealed: the ability to "eat clean" is absolutely a matter of income and time.
All in all, this book felt like a generally well-meaning but vague introduction to the concept of gentle parenting. I personally found Faber and King's 'How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen' much more accessible, realistic, and specific.
Firstly, the lack of concrete examples. I think the author & publisher have produced a workbook follow-up to this, which I haven't bought and read. The problem is, if you're going to sell another product which does what (in my opinion) the original book should have done as a matter of course, you'd better be absolutely sure you've recommended yourself to me as a safe guiding hand through the topic in question. I didn't feel that.
Secondly, I found the tone...variable. The author (and presumably the editor at the publisher) had intermittently *tried* to consider other possibilities than fairly affluent middle-class families, but it often felt like a token effort at best. The author very clearly feels that one parent (ideally the breastfeeding one) should be giving up or rearranging work for about the first five years of a child's life. Of course it's fine for the author to feel that, but it's simply out of reach for most families in the UK now, especially with the cost of living crisis. The editor and author clearly did make attempts to keep the tone neutral, but in certain sections (e.g. about giving up breastfeeding, ending co-sleeping, going back to work) the judgemental tone leaked through in the fact that the 'optimal' option (always be there for your child) was heavily explored and the 'less than optimal' options were briefly mentioned - again, largely without examples to help parents find their way through any problems.
Thirdly, the author provides references to studies, which I appreciate. These are - as is common, of course - cherry-picked to support her point of view and method. But I really *didn't* appreciate the way she repeatedly used "and if you do this less than optimal thing (e.g. give your kid too much screen time) they will be OBESE" as a gotcha-card for supporting her argument. "Obesity" is a nonsense category based on an outdated population-level tool (BMI) in adults, let alone in children, whose body proportions change dramatically and naturally as they grow up. Any book claiming to provide a solid evidence base for its arguments should be careful and critical in doing so. One particularly glaring example of this came when the author advised people who've recently given birth not to diet (oh good, I thought!) but then immediately said that they should be pursuing "clean eating" instead, involving freshly-made and 'nutritious' meals. I can only assume the author does not truly understand the term "clean eating". This section was entirely free of references - the author and/or the publisher should perhaps have researched "clean eating" more thoroughly and presented some links to all the research which shows that it is heavily associated with orthorexia and the development/enabling of an array of eating disorders. NOT something in my opinion which should be advocated to stressed new parents, and absolutely not to children. This too, is another place where the expected class and income of parents is covertly revealed: the ability to "eat clean" is absolutely a matter of income and time.
All in all, this book felt like a generally well-meaning but vague introduction to the concept of gentle parenting. I personally found Faber and King's 'How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen' much more accessible, realistic, and specific.
December 2, 2025
Update: I found my missing review!
Very common scenario on the mom webs:
Someone posts an article that is critical of Gentle Parenting. This is common in mom groups these days. Also common is that one mom goes up and down the thread telling everyone that they are wrong in their conception of what Gentle Parenting is. Usually they say Gentle Parenting must only include things from Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s book. The rest of the time they are saying Gentle Parenting is just “not beating up your kids and insulting them.”
Naturally, I had to set myself straight by reading this book.
For the record, I’m generally a fan of the overall message and ideas of Gentle Parenting:
- Aim to nurture rather than control
- Look for and address the reason behind the behaviour, not just the behaviour itself
- Think long-term about how you can teach your child to be the kind of adult you want them to become
- Err on the side of nurturing the relationship rather than getting short-term outcomes
My husband read this book over my shoulder, and he commented “I think this has confirmed to me that what we practice is Gentle Parenting.”
I disagreed. Because Gentle Parenting, as espoused by S.O.S, doesn’t believe in consequences, time outs, or any behavioural methods of control. We do, because there are real shortcomings to the Gentle Parenting method *as espoused in this book.* Since there are people who will dispute my claims, I originally intended to include page numbers in this review, which is why it ended up getting lost in my files. I returned the book to the library without getting my citations straight. I apologize, but I promise everything I say is explicit in the book.
The main catalyst for my change of heart, and the reason there are so many articles coming out criticizing Gentle Parenting, is that there are quite a lot of us Millennials who have 8, 9, or 10yo children who are, quite frankly, badly behaved. A few months ago when I informed my 8yo that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted, he expressed his frustration by kicking me and then walking away. And as I stood there, I could see *exactly* how I had ended up with an 8yo who thinks it’s okay to kick his mother. In fact, the script I followed to achieve this is written out in this book.
Ockwell-Smith says that if your child lashes out physically, you respond with the following:
1 – stop them from hurting anyone further. Say “I can’t let you hurt me.”
2 – Help them understand and work through their feelings.
3 – when they’re calm, or perhaps at a different time altogether, discuss other, more appropriate ways to express their feelings.
4 – understand that children have limited impulse control and it may not be age appropriate to expect “gentle hands” in moments of strong emotion.
So here’s the problem:
1 – you are telling your child that the onus is on yourself to not get hit, not on the child to refrain from hitting you.
2 – you prioritize their feelings over their behaviour. This tells them that their feelings are much more important than how anyone else feels about their reaction.
3 – By the time you talk about their behaviour, they have mentally moved on. They have gotten whatever they wanted out of this interaction. They can genially nod along and playact all the things you ask of them, without it ever being seared deep enough into their brains to make a difference next round.
And here’s the problem: learning is much more effective when it’s accompanied with a little pain. I’m not being a sadist: even adults learn more from a speeding ticket than a speed limit sign.
4 – A child isn’t old enough for impulse control until one day they are. My son wasn’t old enough at 3 or 4, probably not at 5, it was iffy at 6. He went through a stage at 7, and here we are at 8. Is he old enough to not kick his mother? How will we know if we never demand it of him?
So I went for the second type of “gentle parenting”. The kind where you are gentle because you don’t whale your kid. I got right in his face and told him in a steely voice that there is no universe in which it is appropriate for him to assault the people who love him and care for him every day of his life. And I told him there would be no second chances: every offense from now on would land him in time out.
Time out is something Gentle Parenting disparages because it does not nurture the relationship. (Alfie Kohn calls it “love withdrawal”). In this book, SOS states that time out misses the mark because no child spends the time reflecting on how to be better. They just feel sad and lonely.
I think she’s missing the point: sad and lonely *is* the point.
I tell my kids that if their behaviour is anti-social then they lose the privilege of company. Loneliness is the point: if you want to be around people, you need to get along with them. I don’t care where they do time out, and I don’t care what they do during time out and I don’t care how long they do time out. All I care is that they come back from time out ready to behave in a pro-social manner.
In any case, my threat of time out solved the problem that 8 years of gentle parenting created. He doesn’t kick me any more. And did it harm our relationship? I think not. I saw a flicker in his face during my lecture. He had never thought about what it means to kick your mother over a minor disagreement -- even though we had "talked" about it multiple times.
The truth is, we had problems with Gentle Parenting from the beginning. At one point, SOS asks how you’d prefer to be treated when sad: be distracted, or be comforted? Be isolated, or with a friend?
A great question, but I have another: let’s say the friend was the one who hurt you in the first place. Would you be comforted by her unapologetic validations? This is the problem we ran into pretty early on, but it gets worse when your kids age out of toddlerhood and realize that your validations are full of shit.
Also, who decided that you need to scream your feelings for as long as you feel them in order to “work through them”? I let my toddler do this a few times and did not see any "working through" going on – just running out of steam. My kid wanted to change the channel, but he couldn’t, because I was right there, my presence reminding him of the insult. In the end (after 30-45 minutes), I would distract him as a mercy manoeuvre. He would react with patent relief. The whole "let them work through it" was ineffective and painful.
I suspect this “scream through all the feelings” idea comes from trauma recovery; a lot of gentle parenting techniques comes from the stuff clinicians use on kids with traumatic histories [see my review of How to Raise Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors]. But I’m not positive. If you know, please comment below.
The rest of this book I can source – it’s almost verbatim Alfie Kohn. I have problems with Alfie Kohn, which I’ve included in a review of Unconditional Parenting. Fwiw, Sarah Ockwell-Smith comes across as much more reasonable than Alfie Kohn. She also has actual practical suggestions, which Kohn does not deign to provide. If you were trying to decide between Kohn or Ockwell-Smith, go with Ockwell-Smith.
But if you’re just looking for a parenting book, I’d personally recommend a combo of “How to Talk” and “1-2-3 Magic.”
Very common scenario on the mom webs:
Someone posts an article that is critical of Gentle Parenting. This is common in mom groups these days. Also common is that one mom goes up and down the thread telling everyone that they are wrong in their conception of what Gentle Parenting is. Usually they say Gentle Parenting must only include things from Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s book. The rest of the time they are saying Gentle Parenting is just “not beating up your kids and insulting them.”
Naturally, I had to set myself straight by reading this book.
For the record, I’m generally a fan of the overall message and ideas of Gentle Parenting:
- Aim to nurture rather than control
- Look for and address the reason behind the behaviour, not just the behaviour itself
- Think long-term about how you can teach your child to be the kind of adult you want them to become
- Err on the side of nurturing the relationship rather than getting short-term outcomes
My husband read this book over my shoulder, and he commented “I think this has confirmed to me that what we practice is Gentle Parenting.”
I disagreed. Because Gentle Parenting, as espoused by S.O.S, doesn’t believe in consequences, time outs, or any behavioural methods of control. We do, because there are real shortcomings to the Gentle Parenting method *as espoused in this book.* Since there are people who will dispute my claims, I originally intended to include page numbers in this review, which is why it ended up getting lost in my files. I returned the book to the library without getting my citations straight. I apologize, but I promise everything I say is explicit in the book.
The main catalyst for my change of heart, and the reason there are so many articles coming out criticizing Gentle Parenting, is that there are quite a lot of us Millennials who have 8, 9, or 10yo children who are, quite frankly, badly behaved. A few months ago when I informed my 8yo that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted, he expressed his frustration by kicking me and then walking away. And as I stood there, I could see *exactly* how I had ended up with an 8yo who thinks it’s okay to kick his mother. In fact, the script I followed to achieve this is written out in this book.
Ockwell-Smith says that if your child lashes out physically, you respond with the following:
1 – stop them from hurting anyone further. Say “I can’t let you hurt me.”
2 – Help them understand and work through their feelings.
3 – when they’re calm, or perhaps at a different time altogether, discuss other, more appropriate ways to express their feelings.
4 – understand that children have limited impulse control and it may not be age appropriate to expect “gentle hands” in moments of strong emotion.
So here’s the problem:
1 – you are telling your child that the onus is on yourself to not get hit, not on the child to refrain from hitting you.
2 – you prioritize their feelings over their behaviour. This tells them that their feelings are much more important than how anyone else feels about their reaction.
3 – By the time you talk about their behaviour, they have mentally moved on. They have gotten whatever they wanted out of this interaction. They can genially nod along and playact all the things you ask of them, without it ever being seared deep enough into their brains to make a difference next round.
And here’s the problem: learning is much more effective when it’s accompanied with a little pain. I’m not being a sadist: even adults learn more from a speeding ticket than a speed limit sign.
4 – A child isn’t old enough for impulse control until one day they are. My son wasn’t old enough at 3 or 4, probably not at 5, it was iffy at 6. He went through a stage at 7, and here we are at 8. Is he old enough to not kick his mother? How will we know if we never demand it of him?
So I went for the second type of “gentle parenting”. The kind where you are gentle because you don’t whale your kid. I got right in his face and told him in a steely voice that there is no universe in which it is appropriate for him to assault the people who love him and care for him every day of his life. And I told him there would be no second chances: every offense from now on would land him in time out.
Time out is something Gentle Parenting disparages because it does not nurture the relationship. (Alfie Kohn calls it “love withdrawal”). In this book, SOS states that time out misses the mark because no child spends the time reflecting on how to be better. They just feel sad and lonely.
I think she’s missing the point: sad and lonely *is* the point.
I tell my kids that if their behaviour is anti-social then they lose the privilege of company. Loneliness is the point: if you want to be around people, you need to get along with them. I don’t care where they do time out, and I don’t care what they do during time out and I don’t care how long they do time out. All I care is that they come back from time out ready to behave in a pro-social manner.
In any case, my threat of time out solved the problem that 8 years of gentle parenting created. He doesn’t kick me any more. And did it harm our relationship? I think not. I saw a flicker in his face during my lecture. He had never thought about what it means to kick your mother over a minor disagreement -- even though we had "talked" about it multiple times.
The truth is, we had problems with Gentle Parenting from the beginning. At one point, SOS asks how you’d prefer to be treated when sad: be distracted, or be comforted? Be isolated, or with a friend?
A great question, but I have another: let’s say the friend was the one who hurt you in the first place. Would you be comforted by her unapologetic validations? This is the problem we ran into pretty early on, but it gets worse when your kids age out of toddlerhood and realize that your validations are full of shit.
Also, who decided that you need to scream your feelings for as long as you feel them in order to “work through them”? I let my toddler do this a few times and did not see any "working through" going on – just running out of steam. My kid wanted to change the channel, but he couldn’t, because I was right there, my presence reminding him of the insult. In the end (after 30-45 minutes), I would distract him as a mercy manoeuvre. He would react with patent relief. The whole "let them work through it" was ineffective and painful.
I suspect this “scream through all the feelings” idea comes from trauma recovery; a lot of gentle parenting techniques comes from the stuff clinicians use on kids with traumatic histories [see my review of How to Raise Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors]. But I’m not positive. If you know, please comment below.
The rest of this book I can source – it’s almost verbatim Alfie Kohn. I have problems with Alfie Kohn, which I’ve included in a review of Unconditional Parenting. Fwiw, Sarah Ockwell-Smith comes across as much more reasonable than Alfie Kohn. She also has actual practical suggestions, which Kohn does not deign to provide. If you were trying to decide between Kohn or Ockwell-Smith, go with Ockwell-Smith.
But if you’re just looking for a parenting book, I’d personally recommend a combo of “How to Talk” and “1-2-3 Magic.”
November 16, 2021
Gentle Parenting was a completely new approach to parenting for me that I hadn't heard of before. In fact, I don't think I had a particular parenting style, I was just winging it. When my friends described it, I thought it was a bit airy fairy and failed to see how not punishing a child for being 'naughty' amongst other things, was beneficial.
Whilst I don't agree with all aspects of the book, and I suspect most people wont, I found it educational and enriching. As with most areas of psychology (I have a psychology masters degree), this is actually common sense, however it's not something we readily think about, there were a lot of lightbulb moments. I do however, find myself being a bit more anxious or frustrated with the way other people parent now, shouting at their kids, telling them no constantly, sleep training and saying 'if you do that, Santa Clause will put you on the naughty list.' My empathy has grown massively and as a result my partner and I have a hugely happy, smiley, content, polite little lady. Yes she has tantrums as all children do but if we can respond with love and respect and help them through their big emotions, life is that much easier.
My challenge now is explaining my parenting style to the older generation who think i'm going to have a spoilt child, doesn't know what 'no' means and will never learn if I let her do what she wants (not true).
I highly recommend reading this book, even if you don't agree with all of it, there will be aspects that you do agree with.
Whilst I don't agree with all aspects of the book, and I suspect most people wont, I found it educational and enriching. As with most areas of psychology (I have a psychology masters degree), this is actually common sense, however it's not something we readily think about, there were a lot of lightbulb moments. I do however, find myself being a bit more anxious or frustrated with the way other people parent now, shouting at their kids, telling them no constantly, sleep training and saying 'if you do that, Santa Clause will put you on the naughty list.' My empathy has grown massively and as a result my partner and I have a hugely happy, smiley, content, polite little lady. Yes she has tantrums as all children do but if we can respond with love and respect and help them through their big emotions, life is that much easier.
My challenge now is explaining my parenting style to the older generation who think i'm going to have a spoilt child, doesn't know what 'no' means and will never learn if I let her do what she wants (not true).
I highly recommend reading this book, even if you don't agree with all of it, there will be aspects that you do agree with.
October 6, 2019
I had high expectations of this book, but this was beyond dissapointing.
The author comes across as inflexible in her views, patronising and judgemental.
Yet another hyped up parenting book which turns out to be basic (as the author herself suggests, her method is nothing new, but a rebranded authoritative parenting style) with the added extra of a stong personal view on various aspects of childcare.
The author comes across as inflexible in her views, patronising and judgemental.
Yet another hyped up parenting book which turns out to be basic (as the author herself suggests, her method is nothing new, but a rebranded authoritative parenting style) with the added extra of a stong personal view on various aspects of childcare.
July 8, 2025
The Gentle Parenting book, autorė Sarah Ockwell-Smith. Tai tiek psichologijos knyga, kiek ir savotiškas vadovas atidarantis kelią į Gentle Parenting (švelni, pagarbi ar sąmoninga tėvystė - būtų LT atitikmuo) auklėjimo metodą.
Tai ką čia rasim? Tai knyga pristatanti kitokią motinystės ir tėvystės viziją. Autorė pateikia mums teorijas apie vaikų auklėjimą kuris yra grindžiamas empatija, supratingumu, pagarba, abipusio ryšio kūrimu. Knyga, kaip pati akcentuoja yra skiriama vaikams nuo gimimo iki septynerių metų amžiaus, čia pridursiu jog skyriai pagal tą ir suskirstyti, tad tai lengvina knygos navigaciją tėvams, besidomintiems tam tikru amžiaus tarpsniu. Čia aprėpiamos tokios temos kaip kūdikių verkimas ir ką jis reiškia, primaitinimas, puoduko reikalai, dorojimasis su vadinamaisiais tantrum'ais.
Visumoje knyga lengvai ir greitai susikaito. Informacijos neperkrauta, kalba paprasta ir gerai suprantama. Pateikiama ne tik teorija aplink visas siūlomas idėjas, bet ir pavyzdžiai bei praktiniai patarimai. Knyga dar labai akcentuoja ir prieraišios tėvystės principus, prie čia jau esančios pagarbios. Knygos vienas iš pliusų, kad suskirstyta pagal amžių ir tuo pačiu au tuo amžiumi kylančias problemas, tikrai tėvams lengviau naviguot ties ten kur jiems aktualiausia. Aišku knygoje esančius patarimus nereiktų imt už gryną pinigą, nes ne visose vietose jis atrodė tinkamas ar veiksnus. Kai kuriose vietose buvo, jog iš vis teko pamąstyti, kiek realiai šie patarimai veiktų, nes kiekviena situacija, kaip ir vaikas yra individualu, ir ta teorija greičiausiai ir lieka teorija, o praktika diktuoja kitas taisykles.
Knygą rekomenduočiau. Tikrai gera įžanginė knyga į šio auklėjimo principu grįstą tėvystės praktiką.
Tai ką čia rasim? Tai knyga pristatanti kitokią motinystės ir tėvystės viziją. Autorė pateikia mums teorijas apie vaikų auklėjimą kuris yra grindžiamas empatija, supratingumu, pagarba, abipusio ryšio kūrimu. Knyga, kaip pati akcentuoja yra skiriama vaikams nuo gimimo iki septynerių metų amžiaus, čia pridursiu jog skyriai pagal tą ir suskirstyti, tad tai lengvina knygos navigaciją tėvams, besidomintiems tam tikru amžiaus tarpsniu. Čia aprėpiamos tokios temos kaip kūdikių verkimas ir ką jis reiškia, primaitinimas, puoduko reikalai, dorojimasis su vadinamaisiais tantrum'ais.
Visumoje knyga lengvai ir greitai susikaito. Informacijos neperkrauta, kalba paprasta ir gerai suprantama. Pateikiama ne tik teorija aplink visas siūlomas idėjas, bet ir pavyzdžiai bei praktiniai patarimai. Knyga dar labai akcentuoja ir prieraišios tėvystės principus, prie čia jau esančios pagarbios. Knygos vienas iš pliusų, kad suskirstyta pagal amžių ir tuo pačiu au tuo amžiumi kylančias problemas, tikrai tėvams lengviau naviguot ties ten kur jiems aktualiausia. Aišku knygoje esančius patarimus nereiktų imt už gryną pinigą, nes ne visose vietose jis atrodė tinkamas ar veiksnus. Kai kuriose vietose buvo, jog iš vis teko pamąstyti, kiek realiai šie patarimai veiktų, nes kiekviena situacija, kaip ir vaikas yra individualu, ir ta teorija greičiausiai ir lieka teorija, o praktika diktuoja kitas taisykles.
Knygą rekomenduočiau. Tikrai gera įžanginė knyga į šio auklėjimo principu grįstą tėvystės praktiką.
November 15, 2017
Patronising
September 26, 2022
This was a good read, however, it felt heavy handed on general information about pregnancy and children rather than the gentle parenting lifestyle with examples.
September 29, 2024
I really loved this book. It takes you right through from newborn to child and I found it really inspiring. I wish I had it when my little boy was a baby as that section answered a lot of questions I had back then.
But now deep in toddlerhood, those sections have given great advice. With a great round up at the end of each chapter.
The bottom line with gentle parenting I think is about treating our children with respect and kindness.
And surely that's something that we all should be on board with.
But now deep in toddlerhood, those sections have given great advice. With a great round up at the end of each chapter.
The bottom line with gentle parenting I think is about treating our children with respect and kindness.
And surely that's something that we all should be on board with.
December 6, 2023
Read this book to refresh my understanding of gentle parenting as most of my research was through the teachings of Montessori. I was hoping to feel a bit more confident at managing particularly tough situations e.g. two siblings fighting over something that belongs to one of them. I still feel a bit unclear but I get the author's point that it's not supposed to be a script, I'm supposed to hone my technique to find the gut reaction of what the gentle response to each situation is.
I agree with some of these reviews that object to the author's personal views, I guess it's hard when you have the attention of the reader, not to put forward your honest belief, and I found it easy enough pick out the pieces of advice that spoke directly to me e.g. you can still work full time/use a nursery/use a buggy/ have screen time and be a gentle parent. But I can imagine others feeling slighted and guilty that they can't or don't want to be attached to their infants full time for years.
I think a few more anecdotes and examples of a gentle response in times of conflict would have been helpful. I definitely had some good take-away strategies like the use of pocket money, and using proper terminology for body parts.
In summary, I think it could be improved and updated with some co-production and input from some more diverse family dynamics (single parents/same sex relationships/stay at home dads) but generally, good messages for parents and it would be great if everyone could adopt GP principles.
I agree with some of these reviews that object to the author's personal views, I guess it's hard when you have the attention of the reader, not to put forward your honest belief, and I found it easy enough pick out the pieces of advice that spoke directly to me e.g. you can still work full time/use a nursery/use a buggy/ have screen time and be a gentle parent. But I can imagine others feeling slighted and guilty that they can't or don't want to be attached to their infants full time for years.
I think a few more anecdotes and examples of a gentle response in times of conflict would have been helpful. I definitely had some good take-away strategies like the use of pocket money, and using proper terminology for body parts.
In summary, I think it could be improved and updated with some co-production and input from some more diverse family dynamics (single parents/same sex relationships/stay at home dads) but generally, good messages for parents and it would be great if everyone could adopt GP principles.
June 4, 2018
One of the few non-fiction titles I've dedicated time to reading. As the mother of a toddler, I found this book invaluable. I was late to the game, having only purchased it when my daughter was totally over the whole baby thing, but I cannot recommend it enough. Why shout at children when you can respond with kindness? I've now lent this out to a friend but very much hoping she reads it quickly as I miss it!
July 28, 2018
I'm finding that the more parenting books I read, the more they all blend into one. This is gentle parenting which I feel like is common sense to anyone with any empathy. Interesting enough, not life changing.
January 27, 2023
Meh
Felt more like a developmental book with a few gentle parenting tips, rather than a book about gentle parenting. Would have liked more in depth about to gentle parent rather than why.
Felt more like a developmental book with a few gentle parenting tips, rather than a book about gentle parenting. Would have liked more in depth about to gentle parent rather than why.
January 9, 2024
I have a toddler and I got this book in addition to the Big Little Feelings course to teach me methods to help my child navigate the world and herself without resorting to punishments or bribing. I found the book very informative and it aligned with the course I took as well as a handful of other books on brain development I’d read.
I enjoyed how she broke it down into different age groups then discussed the main points of interest to parents within those age groups. This was a very handy way to digest the information and made it a lot more palatable.
The methods described in this book for handling tantrums are helpful, and I noticed in my daughter that they are less intense and resolved more quickly when I employ the gentle parenting techniques.
Some points on sleep, eating, praise, etc. do feel a tad pedantic to me, but it could be that breaking the cycles of these things that have been so ingrained in us in western society requires pausing and reflecting rather than outright rejection of ideas that seem “too much”. For example, she says never praise your child for their appearance as it can lead to them requiring external praise on something they can’t control in order to feel loved. At first I scoffed at this, I love telling my daughter how pretty she is and how beautiful her curly hair is. But then I stopped and reflected on what she was saying for a while. I digested this information and figured out how to assimilate it to my situation as needed, without worrying over it or feeling like I must apply it to the letter or I’d damage my child for life. Based on everything else we know of child development and teen years, praising a child’s appearance in and of itself is not exactly damaging, and can help them see things in themselves they may have felt insecure about before if they’re different than others. However, it shouldn’t be something they rely on to feel confident or loved. But I’d argue, if you really are a parent that is showing up for your kids, if you are trying to gentle parent to raise empathetic, emotionally intelligent, confident, and happy children who can think for themselves, then it’s all of those efforts combined that bring about that result, and doing almost all of it right while giving the odd “your so pretty” compliment here and there isn’t going to set your kid up to have severe mental disorders later in life. So while I understand the sentiment, and agree these comments should be given thoughtfully and not isolated to just looks, I felt the author could have expounded on this more in the sense that telling your kid they’re handsome isn’t necessarily going to cause the same damage as telling them they’re bad or naughty every time they cry or get upset. A bit more separation of the severity of these “donts”would’ve been a good idea, in my opinion.
Another point she made here is against sleep training, and I have read so many different opinions on sleep training it can be hard to know what’s right. In our case, we did sleep train our child at 6 months and we definitely don’t regret that decision. It’s a personal choice and I think that before an author condemns it they should be willing to offer the scientific evidence that supports it as well.
All in all this book is great if you want to learn about child development and how to react to your child so you can teach them at an age appropriate level, while also being the supportive parent they need in order to grow in a healthy and safe way.
I enjoyed how she broke it down into different age groups then discussed the main points of interest to parents within those age groups. This was a very handy way to digest the information and made it a lot more palatable.
The methods described in this book for handling tantrums are helpful, and I noticed in my daughter that they are less intense and resolved more quickly when I employ the gentle parenting techniques.
Some points on sleep, eating, praise, etc. do feel a tad pedantic to me, but it could be that breaking the cycles of these things that have been so ingrained in us in western society requires pausing and reflecting rather than outright rejection of ideas that seem “too much”. For example, she says never praise your child for their appearance as it can lead to them requiring external praise on something they can’t control in order to feel loved. At first I scoffed at this, I love telling my daughter how pretty she is and how beautiful her curly hair is. But then I stopped and reflected on what she was saying for a while. I digested this information and figured out how to assimilate it to my situation as needed, without worrying over it or feeling like I must apply it to the letter or I’d damage my child for life. Based on everything else we know of child development and teen years, praising a child’s appearance in and of itself is not exactly damaging, and can help them see things in themselves they may have felt insecure about before if they’re different than others. However, it shouldn’t be something they rely on to feel confident or loved. But I’d argue, if you really are a parent that is showing up for your kids, if you are trying to gentle parent to raise empathetic, emotionally intelligent, confident, and happy children who can think for themselves, then it’s all of those efforts combined that bring about that result, and doing almost all of it right while giving the odd “your so pretty” compliment here and there isn’t going to set your kid up to have severe mental disorders later in life. So while I understand the sentiment, and agree these comments should be given thoughtfully and not isolated to just looks, I felt the author could have expounded on this more in the sense that telling your kid they’re handsome isn’t necessarily going to cause the same damage as telling them they’re bad or naughty every time they cry or get upset. A bit more separation of the severity of these “donts”would’ve been a good idea, in my opinion.
Another point she made here is against sleep training, and I have read so many different opinions on sleep training it can be hard to know what’s right. In our case, we did sleep train our child at 6 months and we definitely don’t regret that decision. It’s a personal choice and I think that before an author condemns it they should be willing to offer the scientific evidence that supports it as well.
All in all this book is great if you want to learn about child development and how to react to your child so you can teach them at an age appropriate level, while also being the supportive parent they need in order to grow in a healthy and safe way.
November 26, 2025
This book was published in 2016, when my kids were 14 and 11. In fact, my daughters told me I gentle parented and I did a good job, so I didn’t look into it further.
Fast forward to 2025 and it’s popping up in my social media feeds, “Gentle parenting is too permissive,” “Gentle parenting is lazy,” “Gentle parenting is un-Christian.” Well, now I was confused and decided the best course of action was to read a book on gentle parenting and I chose this one.
After reading, I am disappointed–not in the book. My daughters are right, my husband and I applied many of the principles of this book without realizing it. I am disappointed in the critics because the accusations make it pretty clear that they didn’t read any books on the topic or talk to authors or other experts in the field. By all appearances, they drew their conclusions from watching parents who said they were gentle parenting and the critics didn’t like what they saw; or from second hand testimony.
Ockwell-Smith gives in-depth explanations of gentle parenting at most every development stage. It is not permissive or lazy and does include saying no and discipline. It does require planning. Gentle parenting involves teaching and training which is integral to Christian parenting. While critics think the gentle part of parenting means parents are too gentle on their children, in reality gentle parenting is about being gentle on ourselves as parents.
If you believe spanking is the only way to “train up a child in the way they should go,” then save yourself some time, this book is not for you. However, if you spend time with children, read this book. If you’re about to criticize someone for what they call gentle parenting, read this book first.
I bought this book and this is my honest and unbiased review.
Fast forward to 2025 and it’s popping up in my social media feeds, “Gentle parenting is too permissive,” “Gentle parenting is lazy,” “Gentle parenting is un-Christian.” Well, now I was confused and decided the best course of action was to read a book on gentle parenting and I chose this one.
After reading, I am disappointed–not in the book. My daughters are right, my husband and I applied many of the principles of this book without realizing it. I am disappointed in the critics because the accusations make it pretty clear that they didn’t read any books on the topic or talk to authors or other experts in the field. By all appearances, they drew their conclusions from watching parents who said they were gentle parenting and the critics didn’t like what they saw; or from second hand testimony.
Ockwell-Smith gives in-depth explanations of gentle parenting at most every development stage. It is not permissive or lazy and does include saying no and discipline. It does require planning. Gentle parenting involves teaching and training which is integral to Christian parenting. While critics think the gentle part of parenting means parents are too gentle on their children, in reality gentle parenting is about being gentle on ourselves as parents.
If you believe spanking is the only way to “train up a child in the way they should go,” then save yourself some time, this book is not for you. However, if you spend time with children, read this book. If you’re about to criticize someone for what they call gentle parenting, read this book first.
I bought this book and this is my honest and unbiased review.
September 17, 2025
Gentle parenting?!
I'm trying to sum up the words to review this book because as much as it has helped, as much it anoyed the heck out of me.
To start: it explains very nicely and in a handbook kind of way the concept of gentle parenting, while also providing a toolbox to implement the concept in various situations. So this is a fairly easy to follow method.
However, I'm conflicted with the part where we're told that being a gentle parent still requires imposing certain boundaries. Because I really couldn't find them in this book. For this author, discipline is synonymous with trauma so I'm really having a hard time understanding how to set up gentle boundaries for our children.
In addition, at certain points I felt that parents are addressed as if they were morons: "do not lay down with your baby if you've consumed alcohol or drugs". Well, I don't think that the category of people who consume alcohol or drugs whilst having a small baby read parenting books, so it's a pretty useless affirmation.
Last but not least, while I really enjoyed learning more about reading the cues that my baby sends in order to parent them in a suitable way, I couldn't get over the abnoxious way in which the author looks down on any other parent, as if they were of a superior race of parents. Can't say that I recommend it, but I wouldn't put the book in the pile of useless readings either.
I'm trying to sum up the words to review this book because as much as it has helped, as much it anoyed the heck out of me.
To start: it explains very nicely and in a handbook kind of way the concept of gentle parenting, while also providing a toolbox to implement the concept in various situations. So this is a fairly easy to follow method.
However, I'm conflicted with the part where we're told that being a gentle parent still requires imposing certain boundaries. Because I really couldn't find them in this book. For this author, discipline is synonymous with trauma so I'm really having a hard time understanding how to set up gentle boundaries for our children.
In addition, at certain points I felt that parents are addressed as if they were morons: "do not lay down with your baby if you've consumed alcohol or drugs". Well, I don't think that the category of people who consume alcohol or drugs whilst having a small baby read parenting books, so it's a pretty useless affirmation.
Last but not least, while I really enjoyed learning more about reading the cues that my baby sends in order to parent them in a suitable way, I couldn't get over the abnoxious way in which the author looks down on any other parent, as if they were of a superior race of parents. Can't say that I recommend it, but I wouldn't put the book in the pile of useless readings either.
September 20, 2025
Many view "gentle parenting" as being permissive, lacking parental authority, and opposed to discipline. It is true that some who claim to be "gentle parents" are actually permissive parents who do not hold boundaries and bow to their child's every whim. But is this what gentle parenting is intended to be? Where did the gentle parenting movement originate, and what does it actually entail?
Sarah Ockwell-Smith is credited with the term "gentle parenting." This book is a primer on a parenting style marked by attunement to the child's emotional and physical needs, awareness of what is developmentally normal, clear boundaries, and appropriate discipline. Ockwell-Smith outlines the "Seven C's"—connection, communication, control, containment, champion, confidence, and consistency—which together create a solid, nurturing atmosphere rooted in principles of neuroscience.
There are many books which address and explain the neuroscience and child development more clearly and in depth, which may be more useful for parents who know they want to take a "gentle parenting" approach that is firmly rooted in neuroscience. This book paints a broad picture of what gentle parenting is from birth through age 7.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith is credited with the term "gentle parenting." This book is a primer on a parenting style marked by attunement to the child's emotional and physical needs, awareness of what is developmentally normal, clear boundaries, and appropriate discipline. Ockwell-Smith outlines the "Seven C's"—connection, communication, control, containment, champion, confidence, and consistency—which together create a solid, nurturing atmosphere rooted in principles of neuroscience.
There are many books which address and explain the neuroscience and child development more clearly and in depth, which may be more useful for parents who know they want to take a "gentle parenting" approach that is firmly rooted in neuroscience. This book paints a broad picture of what gentle parenting is from birth through age 7.
March 7, 2024
Parenting is already a scary & confusing time. Especially as a first-time mum - there are so many labels. However I do believe this book explains how most (key word: most, not all) parents would like to be but struggle to be.
However, this book has explained gentle parenting in simple terms and demystified some of the myths that commonly occur. My favorite part was the end of each chapter with an overview of the C's and the chapter on FAQ.
Everyone wants to be a good parent, no one wakes up and goes "I want to be a bad parent", so I like that this book highlights that despite adapting to gentle parenting you won't always get it right and it is also okay to struggle regulating your own emotions while adapting. I would however have liked specific examples.
Finished the book in two sittings - now going to get my partner to read!
However, this book has explained gentle parenting in simple terms and demystified some of the myths that commonly occur. My favorite part was the end of each chapter with an overview of the C's and the chapter on FAQ.
Everyone wants to be a good parent, no one wakes up and goes "I want to be a bad parent", so I like that this book highlights that despite adapting to gentle parenting you won't always get it right and it is also okay to struggle regulating your own emotions while adapting. I would however have liked specific examples.
Finished the book in two sittings - now going to get my partner to read!
February 1, 2024
I read the most updated version!
Most relevant to me just now is the fourth trimester and toddlerdom 1 - 4 years!
Interesting and thought provoking! One of the points I particularly liked was - “ if you feel the need to stop, of discipline, your child’s behaviour, ask yourself am I really bothered about this if and I reacting based upon how I would have been treated for displaying the same behaviour as a child?’”
Took it out from the library but feel I should buy it and nightlight things I found useful!
Most relevant to me just now is the fourth trimester and toddlerdom 1 - 4 years!
Interesting and thought provoking! One of the points I particularly liked was - “ if you feel the need to stop, of discipline, your child’s behaviour, ask yourself am I really bothered about this if and I reacting based upon how I would have been treated for displaying the same behaviour as a child?’”
Took it out from the library but feel I should buy it and nightlight things I found useful!
October 26, 2024
Reading this book has made me realise that this parenting style is perfect for my husband and I. We also have a gentle approach to our relationship which makes us feel like we will be able to employ this parenting style quite naturally. I know it won’t be easy to parent but the fact that we already employ a lot of these techniques to our relationship and ourselves means we will adjust to this style easier than some. I’m looking forward to reading more books on gentle parenting especially from this author.
October 26, 2024
Some helpful things in here and a lot better read than most parenting books. I think there is something for every parent in this as the author looks at children from birth to 4 years. I like how she’s broken the book down into steps we can carry out as parents to ensure we “gentle” parent but I’m not sure it actually works and there doesn’t feel a clear definition of what gentle parenting actually is? I do agree with her in that there needs to be consistency in children to see a difference in their behaviour.
July 17, 2021
I've learned a lot from reading this and, as with the previous parenting book I read, while I don't agree with everything I've read it's provided a lot of insight and education. I especially appreciate how thoroughly researched and supported by actual evidence, studies and journal articles this is. It was really helpful to be reading a paragraph, then to be able to look up where the author collected this information from to fact check as I went.
January 26, 2021
Parenting skills reassuring book. It helps keep tracking what is the best way to approach daily struggles to discipline children while reinforcing they are loved despite their misbehaviour.
Although it has some content that I personally disagree it made me think and rationalise some situation that at first seemed a big deal but were not.
Although it has some content that I personally disagree it made me think and rationalise some situation that at first seemed a big deal but were not.
February 21, 2023
A good starting point if you're new to gentle parenting. However I've read other books that give more in dept information into children's behaviour and brain development.
What I've been missing the mist are practical tips how to handle different situation with children eg how help children deal with tantrums.
What I've been missing the mist are practical tips how to handle different situation with children eg how help children deal with tantrums.
September 19, 2017
Fantastic book! I feel I need to read it over and over to help it become natural to me and not something I have to think of doing. Gentle Parenting makes so much sense!
Have to take it back to the library now but will have to check it out again in a few years to read the '4-7 year old' chapter!
Have to take it back to the library now but will have to check it out again in a few years to read the '4-7 year old' chapter!
July 29, 2020
Great read. Based on research regarding children's developmental stages. Really beneficial to get to read about where your child's brain is developmentally so you know what you can expect them to do/handle and not!
October 2, 2020
I got new idea from this author's view about parenting. Absolutely, that's not the right one, because parenting isn't about strict rules, parenting is an art. But i love how she write her view on a book.
November 21, 2021
Such great information and a good way to change the way we parent. Lots of time ins are going to be used especially with a toddler. I love the advice it gives for siblings too. I appreciate the insight on how to raise children with mindfulness as well.
November 28, 2022
While the general premise of general parenting is good, the author writes in a judgmental way without sources to support her assertions. While the anecdotes are helpful, one can find a quote to support any position you currently hold.
December 7, 2022
Brilliant book if gentle parenting is something that you live by and resonate with. This is exactly how I naturally bring up my daughter and it also gave lots of insight to the child's development and helpful tips and advice too! Love it 🥰
October 6, 2023
I read this every now and again to remind myself of Sarah's ideas. I do really like this book. This is the first time I've re-read it since losing my daughter at full term and I've realised that the parts regarding loss and trauma are brushed over too quickly.
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