The Happiness Dare: Pursuing Your Heart's Deepest, Holiest, and Most Vulnerable Desire

by Jennifer Dukes Lee

Would you like to be happier?
No matter who you are or how you feel, chances are you would answer yes . And Jennifer Dukes Lee was no different. For years, she wrestled with a constant nagging sense that she wasn’t as happy as she could be. At the same time, she felt guilty for wanting something so “shallow.” After all, doesn’t God only care that we find joy in our circumstances? Or is it possible that God really does want us to be happy?

Determined to get answers, Jennifer embarked on a quest to find out whether our happiness matters to God and, if so, how to pursue it in a way that pleases him.

In The Happiness Dare , you’ll learn what she discovered, including how Will you take the dare?

Join Jennifer in the pursuit of your truest, most satisfied, and most faith-filled self.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Personal Development, Audiobook, Religion, Christian Living

304 pages, Paperback

Published August 2, 2016

About the author

I write books. I embarrass my kids. I was once a mime. (True story). I attend a small country church where some Sundays you'll find me spinning tunes as the church deejay.

I'm a big fan of dark chocolate, emojis, eighties music, bright lipstick, and Netflix binges. My husband and I are raising crops, pigs, a herd of cats, and two beautiful humans on the Lee family farm in Iowa.

My newest book, It's All Under Control, releases in September. (There's also a six-week companion Bible study.)

I wrote a couple other books: The Happiness Dare, and Love Idol.

I'm a journalist at heart. I used to cover crime, politics, and natural disasters as a news reporter for metropolitan daily newspapers. Now, I use my reporting skills to chase after the biggest story ever: the redemptive story of Christ. (That's front-page news.)

I cling to the hope of a cross, and I'm passionate about sharing the Good News through story. I believe in miracles; I am one. I marvel at God's unrelenting grace for stumbling sinners like me, who have been made whole through Christ. I believe in scandalous grace, and that the cross is the most priceless and costly gift the world has ever seen. I believe that it really is all because of Jesus.

You can connect with me online at:

My website

My Facebook page

On Twitter

On Instagram

Reviews

[Caitlyn Santi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me start by saying that I don't read much non-fiction, but there are some books that really jump out at me and I know I just have to read them, such was the case when I was offered the opportunity to review this book. My first thought was "That sounds like exactly what I need!" And I am delighted to say that it was exactly what I needed. I'm one of those people that really need permission to be happy and this book showed me how to give myself permission, one of the main questions this book answers is one that I have wondered about many times myself: does God really care about my happiness? The discovery I made was eye opening for me!
Please allow me to veer off course for a minute here, I promise I will get to the point. As a twenty-something single woman who made a commitment to purity at the age of sixteen, I have read numerous books on the subject of purity and fulfillment in singleness, and they were very good but honestly I feel like The Happiness Dare has helped me to feel more fulfilled than all of those other books combined, I realize that this book is in no way connected to purity but the thing that I have found is that all of those purity books instructed me to "Delight in the Lord" for my worth and happiness both before I'm married and after, that was great and I highly agreed with it but what those books failed to mention was how to do that! I love Jesus and I take incredible pleasure in our relationship but I never knew how to know whether I was actually "Delighting" in Him, that is until I read The Happiness Dare, and now I finally know and understand how to delight in our amazing Lord! While of course I still want to get married someday, I'm now finding happiness in right where I am in life rather than wishing things were different! Thank you to the author for writing a book that had a huge effect on me personally, this book has changed my life in many ways!
Another of the multitude of things I learned from and loved about this book was that I finally realized it's okay to be a Christian and find happiness in the good gifts that God has given us, including (for me) chocolate, my favorite TV shows, Christian romance novels, et cetera! Obviously not to excess and taking great care to prevent them from becoming idols, but I learned that every person has a unique happiness sweet spot where earthly pleasures (the good ones, not the sinful ones of course), heavenly joy and their own God-given wiring intersect, I found that the moments within my sweet spot are the happiest for me. I'm sorry if I'm giving too much away I just can't say enough about how profoundly this book has impacted my life! I highly recommend the Happiness Dare to anyone and everyone! And I plan to re-read it many times in the future!


I received a complimentary copy of this book from Tyndale House in exchange for my honest review, which I have done!
All thoughts and opinions are one hundred percent my own

[Katie M. Reid · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book—top notch writing, timely message, and practical tools for growth. Embrace happiness like never before as you receive an invitation to find your happiness style, and spread lasting joy into the lives of those around you. God is using this book to break through to my heart in surprising ways with grace, inspiration, and yes, happiness. "The Happiness Dare" by Jennifer Dukes Lee is a needed message for our day. Dive in as your spirits lift!

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm an Experiencer. Hallelujah!

[Kailey (Luminous Libro) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is full of encouragement and Scripture, along with practical tips for feeling happier each day. I really liked the way that the author describes different "happiness styles" according to personality, and the basic building blocks of happiness for every person. It's well-written, and the information is organized in an accessible way that makes it easy to read. The writing style is funny and heart-felt, bringing the reader into a warm embrace.
I enjoyed reading this book, and found a lot of real and true encouragement in Christ!

[Bonnie Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend of mine recommended Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I misremebered the title and accidentally checked this one out instead. The Happiness Dare is kind of an extended meditation on the idea that wanting happiness is really not a sin (God wants you to be both joyful AND happy) plus a personality test. I tried to be fair to the author and actually took the personality test on her website... but I'm dubious of the legitimacy of the quiz, and even if all people can be lumped into those 4 groups, I think her descriptions miss the mark in some ways (in her happy quiz, I got equally high scores for being a "learner" and an "experiencer" which she felt were kind of at odds with each other, since for some reason she insisted that "experiencers" all have to be super spontaneous people, and learners... not so much. But since her basic definition of "experiencers" is people who find happiness by seeking experiences that cause them to be filled with wonder, I see no reason for her insistence on spontaneity. You can be a Type-A personality on a non-spontaneous hike and still be filled with wonder). I appreciated her manifesto that it is okay to sometimes not be okay, and and I definitely like the acknowledgement that we all derive happiness from different things, and that's okay too, but in the end, the book felt longer than it needed to be, like it was repeating the same points over and over, and I was sort of impatient to be done reading it by the end. Some interesting insights, but I won't be reading the book again.

[Leta · Rating 5 out of 5]

'The Happiness Dare' as a book is the feeling of sitting cozy by the fire with hot coffee and soft music or watching the sunset on the beach listening to the waves gently crash into the shore. It's comfort.

For anyone who wonders about what God thinks about your happiness on this green earth, this book is for you. Jennifer begins the book wondering the same thing. She digs into what the Bible stays about happiness. Then she takes it a step further and she identifies 5 styles of happiness. As someone who loves learning about personalities, I loved the happiness assessment and the explanations of those styles of happiness. It gave me insight into how I process happiness and also gave me the freedom to have my happiness look differently than the next person. In fact, her book celebrates each way that people process and and find joy.

But she doesn't stop there. What is probably more profound for me was her acknowledgement of this difficult times and how they affect our happiness. Once again pointing to Jesus as the author of our joy, she talks about happiness being the courageous choice when times are hard and how we can use happiness as a weapon to fight off the enemies who want to destroy us.

Jennifer's writing style is welcoming, unassuming, friendly and gentle. She will come alongside you as you read this book and be that encouraging friend in your ear; cheering you on to choose happiness, choose to see how God loves to delight in His children.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Like a dare to be happy?"

This was a question I was asked from a man painting the house.

I shyly told him yes, because I knew no other way to explain this book while in the midst of it.

I wanted to say more. More than the research I found fascinating. Or how I found a love for making graphics with quotes, and showing him with a happiness I hadn't felt in months.

But I was too caught up in experiencing happiness, Experiencer being one of the five styles Jennifer shares about in this book. I was also maximizing my sweet spots of 2 styles I scored highest on: Relater and Giver. We ate some DQ fries and later talked about books we used to read. It was an experience I'll not soon forget as I am not quick to open up. And the amazement at how my happiness had boosted.

If there was more I could say, I'd tell him, "thanks for fully eating your cake especially made for you from God and showing me it's okay. We are allowed to be happy. Keep on spreading your slice of happiness."

And for anyone looking to read this book, let me leave you with this quote from the very end:

Listen for his voice, now, that whisper in your ear: "Go on now, dig in, honey. It's all yours!

Who wants to take the dare and eat some more heavenly cake?

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this well written and engaging book that encourages and even "dares" you to be happy. With an easy to read, simple style, the author does a good job of guiding you to understanding what your happiness style is, what obstacles might stand in your way, what gives you the greatest sense of well-being, and what you can do each day to be happier. The author also does a good job at keeping your attention with her thoughts and research into the subject as well as interesting stories to illustrate her points. It's an encouraging and up-lifting read.

I really liked the way the book was set up. I enjoyed the look of it - some whimsical fonts and full page graphics throughout the book. Each chapter starts with an inspirational quote and ends with a section called "Digging Deeper". Also, the happiness style assessment is at the back of the book (you can also access it online).

*Thanks to Tyndale Publishers House for a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes. I was not required to write a positive review and all opinions stated are my own.*

[J Fitch · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book shared in the secret of finding true happiness. Jennifer Dukes Lee categorized 3 different types of happiness, along with 5 different happiness styles (meaning what brings you the most happiness). These happiness styles helped me see what might bring others around me the most happiness- helping me to best serve others. She uses the phrase, "happiness shaming" which I have found myself doing before, but didn't have words for it. Ultimately our happiness is found in Jesus Christ ( who we are in him, how he made us, and the gifts he provides us with) and they are the one thing all happiness styles have in common. Loved this upbeat, cheerfully honest book!

[Sabrina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book because I gained some insight into myself, my husband and friends! It put a different light on why people do the things they do and enlightened me in that regard. Anyway, the writing bogged down a bit however, there would typically be some great nugget that I would highlight in the midst of the "blah blah blah".

[Ashley Tovar · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've enjoyed a lot of wonderful self help books lately but this was a let down. The concept was exciting but the book itself fell flat. It just didn't give me the inspirational amazing feeling I have come to expect. Maybe great for others but not my cup of tea.

[Karyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm sure the message was fine. I couldn't seem to get past the author's writing style.

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

review to come :-)

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book interesting but not life-changing. It has nuggets of wisdom that make me glad I read it but it also felt very redundant and had much that I didn't find all that helpful.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite things about podcasts these days is the opportunity to listen to authors I’m not familiar with discussing their books. Getting to know the heart and motivation of an author often increases my desire to read their published works.

The Happiness Dare by Jennifer Dukes Lee falls into that category. The title actually was a turnoff to me when the book was first released. I didn’t like the thought of happiness being something that required focused action. What was once an annoyance became a reality this year, and The Happiness Dare was just what I needed to figure out how to help our boys move forward with joy.

Jennifer Dukes Lee did a lot of research, which she presents throughout this book. Her results lead to the understanding that science is now explaining what Scripture has been saying all along. Our Creator desires for us to be happy, and has given us the tools to achieve not only joy but happiness in our daily lives.

Happiness looks different for everyone, and the first hurdle to being happy is understanding that it’s ok to have happiness look different for you than your best friend. The second obstacle, in my opinion, is realizing that anything that brings us happiness can also bring us sadness if not kept in balance. Thankfully Lee addresses this with explanations for each happiness personality as red flags to watch for.

While reading the descriptions, I was able to guess both my happiness characterization as well as my husbands. We still took the short quiz on Jennifer Dukes Lee’s website (which is also in the back of the book) and had these confirmed.

As I read about the Doer, I discovered that all the things I’ve struggled with in leadership are because of a mold that I couldn’t fit because it’s simply not how I’m wired. I find joy in the organizing and creating a project. The tasks that line up to create a conference or large event don’t bother me. I’ve wrestled with why I find more joy in the process than the actual event. Now, I understand it and embrace it.

Understanding my happiness type is another tool in my belt to further help me discern where I should be focusing my energy. It’s also helping me say no to things that come up outside my sweet spot.

Here are my takeaways and how I’m applying the information I learned in The Happiness Dare in our home:
-My happiness type(s) as well as my husband’s fall directly in line with our love languages. I’m not sure if that will be true for everyone, but my love languages which are almost interchangeable are acts of service and quality time. My Happiness Types scored one point apart were Doer and Relator. The further descriptions reveal that what makes me happy also makes me feel loved.

-My kids were a little harder to figure out. This isn’t really surprising because kids are still figuring out life. BUT, they were able to explain a few things about their likes and dislikes that were new information. For example, they feel happy when they contribute and help.

-We all have a natural negative disposition. This isn’t new information to me, I’ve discussed neural pathways here before. This was a great reminder that we need to focus on something positive each day.

-Striving for happiness is something that will need to be concentrated on every day. Actions and thoughts need to be built into daily disciplines. Not so that we can be happy-go-lucky, but so that we can keep our minds focused on thankfulness and positive things.

Application:
I’m spending time each day pausing to remember and list all the things I am thankful for.

I ask my boys individually to tell me one great thing that happened that day. This has become so routine I don’t have to ask, they just tell me upon entering the house from school.

I’m seeking ways to create space for my son’s happiness types to shine. This is an ever-changing process. One example is that I’ve started asking for help cooking dinner. Not because I need it. Not because it makes things easier, but because my sons feel happy when they help.

[Cindy Davis- Cindy's Book Corner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jennifer Dukes Lee is quickly becoming a Nonfiction author that I love. I happened upon The Happiness Dare: Pursuing Your Heart's Deepest, Holiest, and Most Vulnerable Desire at my library and grabbed it, not knowing a thing about it. I had only read one other book by Ms. Lee, and loved it.

This is central to the Happiness Dare: Invest five minutes in seeking the kind of pleasure that brings happiness to your heart and brings glory to our God.

When an author starts a book with the words, "This book scares me," you know the author is being vulnerable with you. The Happiness Dare: Pursuing Your Heart's Deepest, Holiest, and Most Vulnerable Desire is written not from the perspective of one who is happy all the time; but from one who is being vulnerably honest with you about what it takes to be happy.

Happiness doesn't deny our pain. It holds it gently. Happiness doesn't ignore the hurt of the world, but it makes a space to sit quietly inside of the ache.

There is so much I loved about this book and I will not be able to get it all into a review. One of the things the author does is invites you to take the Happiness Assessment to see what your happiness style is (doer, relater, experiencer, giver, or thinker). I knew before taking the quiz that I am a giver followed quickly by a doer. However, I still learned more about myself and how I relate to others. I also gleaned information about each of the styles and how they relate to others. I think this is valuable knowledge for all of us.

The author expounds on each of the happiness styles, encouraging the reader to read those sections, even if they are not your style, to help you better understand each style. Under each style, she describes what makes that style tick, red flags for that style, and how to be the happiest you. She then provides stories and examples to clarify further. Each chapter ends with a digging deeper section.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and it is one I would like to have so I can highlight all the things, and refer back to it. I highly recommend this book to anyone who desires to be happy or understand happiness better. It's not a cure-all, and it's not a five-step plan, but it is good relatable information.

[Helena · Rating 2 out of 5]

The premise of this book seems to be that Christians have been told that they are not allowed to be happy, but they should be joyful instead. I'm wondering if this is maybe an evangelical thing, because I was raised Catholic and am now Lutheran, and this is not something I've ever heard. The idea that 'happy is the opposite of holy' just makes no sense to me. So given that, this idea of daring to be happy despite being taught that we shouldn't be doesn't really resonate with me, since I missed that lesson in the first place. If you are someone who believes that you shouldn't be happy, then perhaps you'll get more out of this book. For myself, I'm leaving it and going on to the next book in the 'to-read-this-summer' stack. :)

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jennifer Dukes Lee gives a refreshing perspective on how God may view our happiness. It is often said that "God wants us to be holy, not happy." However, Lee opines that God in fact does desire us to be happy and fulfilled. She explores five different happiness styles: the Doer, the Giver, the Relator, the Experiencer, and the Thinker and provides great insight into these styles including their strengths, weaknesses, and how to interact with the various styles. Similar to "The Four Tendencies" by Gretchen Rubin or the "The Five Love Languages," this book had great insight and information in understanding one's own happiness style and the style of those you love. I dog-eared many pages and will probably read again. HIGHLY recommend!

[Twyla Franz · Rating 5 out of 5]

As Helpful as the Five Love Languages!

In this book I found permission to love Mondays, to enjoy a tidy room and made bed, to follow my wandering thoughts and take action on my ideas. It also helped me make sense of my childhood and why doing what came naturally—cooking meals, assuming responsibility, reading books, and always putting in my best effort—still left me rather unhappy. Turns out I’m not a Doer or a Thinker. Doer/Thinker duals for second place as my Happiness Style, but I’m primarily a Relater. And it wasn’t until I began to open up and lean into that bent that I discovered I’m fueled by deep conversation as much as I am solitude. I wish I read The Happiness Dare many years ago as it would have given me a shortcut to what I’m slowly piecing together.

[Stratia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book written for readers who want to pursue finding happiness. The author’s style of writing is easy to read, yet informative and helpful. She allows the reader to determine how to understand the five Happiness styles and to find your own happiness sweet spot. Through these styles we can have more happiness in our life; however the ultimate provider of happiness is Jesus. He is the one who wants us to have happiness despite what our circumstances are because he loves us. Happiness is the outward expression of the inward joy we have in Jesus. Jennifer shows us we have the choice to endure happiness each and every day.

[Stacy Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exactly the book I needed at exactly the right time. Sometimes it feels like happiness is looked down upon. That we should seek JOY but not happiness.

I struggle with SAD and the winter is hard for me. I wanted to study happiness and see how I could achieve that even during the cold months when I tend toward sadness. Jennifer gave me great action steps and I’m actually not dreading winter this year.

If you struggle with being happy and want to know how to get there, this is for you. I love books that give action steps for implementing what you learn.

Linger. Smile. Be thankful. Love others. God does care about your happiness. ❤️

[Ledys · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everybody should read this book. It was funny, moving, insightful, poignant, all at once. The happiness style assessment alone would have made this worth the read, but there was so much more! Basically, Jennifer contends that happiness is such a vulnerable emotion that most of us are scared to let ourselves experience it fully. This book contains the results of her research about overcoming the obstacles that stand in the way of true happiness, and ideas on how to get there. One of my favorite books this year!

[Josie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did learn some principles I'd like to apply to my daily life to improve happiness, and was very intrigued by the happiness types. However, I felt like the whole book was convincing me that it's okay to be both a Christian and happy, which I've always been under the assumption that as a Christian, there are so many more reasons to be happy. And I couldn't take the author seriously because she lost credibility to me. In addition, after finishing the book, I must admit I'm still not entirely sure what the happiness dare is...

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was full of really helpful research, ideas, and encouragement to not only pursue happiness but find it and create it. The best part was that Dukes Lee started the book with an intensive look into the Biblical idea of happiness and how it's much more than what we usually hear is allowed. Isn't that terrible, that so often in church it feels like we're not allowed happiness? That's the wrong, actually sinful attitude that the author fights against and liberated me from. Hooray!

[Hilda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished the last two chapters of this book and all I can say is WOW and Thank you! What an amazingly uplifting book. I encourage everyone to read this book and commit to taking the Happiness Dare!!! This is a powerful challenge but it will change lives, and the ripples will be felt by everyone you come in contact with. Thank you GOD, and Jennifer Dukes Lee for such a beautiful and encouraging read. :)

[Brenda Wharton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. She talks about how some people are doers and find happiness in accomplishing tasks, thinkers find happiness stopping to journal or think, Experiencers find happiness in outings and experiences... givers find happiness when they give gifts or help others. Everyone has different things that make them happy. Each day you should spend 5 minutes doing something to make you happy and build on it

[Tammy Belau · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book not only caused me to reflect on my circumstances, but it was a book that no matter how long I was between chapters, it was the PERFECT timing for the chapter I read! I could say that for each time I picked up the book. It's an engaging book, but for my reading style, I like to really savor the chapter before moving on to the next. This book could easily be read quickly, but you'll find more each time you read it. :)

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a little while to get into the book. I didn't love the whole part on the different happiness styles. However, Part 3 of the book was excellent! It summarized my whole lifetime of happiness learnings in 100 pages! Here are a few: "Happiness is Christ in us", "Happiness is a discipline" you must take your thoughts captive and it takes a strong person to look for the light. "Our lives don't have to be perfect to be fulfilling".

[Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, the author's "happiness style assessment" was spot on for me. I'm a Thinker first and an Experiencer second. It felt like the chapters on those styles were written by someone who had known me personally and for a long time.

All in all, I found this uplifting and inspiring, and I plan to put the Happiness Dare into practice.

[Regina · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first I wasn't sure where the author was going with the topic, but she quickly pulled me in. I found the concept to be similar to the "Five Love Languages" book. Very enlightening and challenging. I'm not sure what it says about me that I related to the "red flags" more than anything! I highly recommend! It will help you understand yourself and others a little better.