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Ruined
"It happened on a Sunday night, even though I'd been a good girl and gone to church that morning." One brisk November evening during her senior year at a small Midwestern Christian college, two armed intruders broke into the house Ruth Everhart shared with her roommates, held all five girls hostage, and took turns raping them at gunpoint. Reeling with fear, insecurity, and guilt, Ruth believed she was ruined, both physically and in the eyes of God. In the days and weeks that followed, Ruth struggled to come to grips with not only what happened that night but why. The same questions raced through her mind in an unrelenting loop--questions that would continue to haunt her for years to come: "Why me? Where was God? Why did God allow this to happen? What am I being punished for?" Told with candor and unflinching honesty, Ruined is an extraordinary emotional and spiritual journey that begins with an unspeakable act of violence but ends with tremendous healing and profound spiritual insights about faith, forgiveness, and the will of God.
310 pages, Hardcover
First published August 2, 2016
41 people are currently reading
1619 people want to read
About the author
Ruth Everhart
5 books104 followersRuth Everhart is an author and Presbyterian pastor. She writes books and articles for people who dare to believe that Jesus values the lives of women.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 130 reviews
June 2, 2016
I am biased about this book, obviously, since I wrote it. I invested years getting the story down on paper. Plus, everything in this book actually happened to me. It took a long time to come to terms with that. There were parts I didn't choose. Wouldn't choose! Certain plot points. Certain characters. Certain situations. But there were other parts that I DID choose. That's something the book explores -- How much of our own story do we control?
But when it came to writing the story down, I did get to choose the words. The verbs. The nouns. The adjectives. The dialogue! I love to capture dialogue.
Now that it's done, I think most of the sentences turned out okay. I'll be curious to hear what you think. So please read it and let me know!
But when it came to writing the story down, I did get to choose the words. The verbs. The nouns. The adjectives. The dialogue! I love to capture dialogue.
Now that it's done, I think most of the sentences turned out okay. I'll be curious to hear what you think. So please read it and let me know!
April 8, 2017
what a powerful memoir
March 28, 2017
I could ask, rhetorically, "Since when has a woman's sexual purity been of more value than the breath in her body?" But I know the answer: since recorded history.
Four stars! A fascinating and often painful read on theology and the detriments of a society focused on sexual purity.
It happened on a Sunday night, even though I'd been a good girl and gone to church that morning.
I was 14 the first time I french kissed a boy. It was a double date to the movies. We saw Taxi, starring Queen Latifah. (It was terrible btw. Do not recommend.) And the new popular boy at school stuck his tongue in my mouth.
Then I ran to the bathroom and cried.
I didn't cry because the kiss was bad. It was. Like a dentist trying to give you a root canal with a live salmon. But I cried because I thought it meant I wasn't a good girl anymore.
I willed myself up and away. I left my body behind. I left my prayers lying beside my body. They were as helpless as I was. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Bullshit.
This crime wasn't about property damage; it was about bodily damage - which couldn't be named aloud in church, apparently. Rape was an unspeakable word that reverberated in silence.
Ruined is a hard book to read. Even if you have no personal experience with societal and/or religious expectations of purity, rape, or sexual assault (and lets be real - most of us have encountered this too often), it's a deep personal memoir of theology and change.
It doesn't offer easy answers to the age old question "Why does God let bad things happen?" It doesn't offer easy answers to anything really. It gives author Ruth Everhart the space and the freedom to explore, to rage, to question. The days, years even, after her rape are tumultuous, angry, and confusing. She faced such heavy feelings of shame and anger - shame is a powerful insidious emotion. Women are raised in such an omnipresent cyclone of purity, sexuality, and virginity, with extra shame on the side.
I wanted to believe that women were equal to men in God's eyes, that God didn't subjugate women or smile on men who did.
She slowly undergoes a fundamental change in her spiritual life, and it's told skillfully. The realization that it's okay, even healthy, to question God, is life changing. She never pretends to have all the answers, or that she has been instantaneously relieved of her trauma. Trauma changes us. It changed her.
Really, while it's a difficult book to read (rape memoirs* often are - and I HATE to the very pit of my stomach that that genre even exists), it's worthwhile. It espouses a beautiful view of God and women, and the value of ALL humans.
*Side note: I have to pause for a moment and recommend I Will Find You: A Reporter Investigates the Life of the Man Who Raped Her, which is one of the best, most powerful memoirs I've ever read.
While I disagree with the publisher's decision to censor some of the language, I understand since it's from a Christian publisher. I would hate to see anyone turn this book away simply due to a few words. However, the uneven nature of the censoring confuses.
I want to applaud both the author and publisher for putting such a brave work together. It's rare to find a memoir written by a feminist female pastor who quotes Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and it was a worthwhile, albeit difficult, read.
In summary:
Women are not merely virgins or victims. There's more to living in a woman's skin than that.
*All quotations are taken from proof copy*
Big thanks to Edelweiss and Tyndale House for the digital review copy.
Four stars! A fascinating and often painful read on theology and the detriments of a society focused on sexual purity.
It happened on a Sunday night, even though I'd been a good girl and gone to church that morning.
I was 14 the first time I french kissed a boy. It was a double date to the movies. We saw Taxi, starring Queen Latifah. (It was terrible btw. Do not recommend.) And the new popular boy at school stuck his tongue in my mouth.
Then I ran to the bathroom and cried.
I didn't cry because the kiss was bad. It was. Like a dentist trying to give you a root canal with a live salmon. But I cried because I thought it meant I wasn't a good girl anymore.
I willed myself up and away. I left my body behind. I left my prayers lying beside my body. They were as helpless as I was. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Bullshit.
This crime wasn't about property damage; it was about bodily damage - which couldn't be named aloud in church, apparently. Rape was an unspeakable word that reverberated in silence.
Ruined is a hard book to read. Even if you have no personal experience with societal and/or religious expectations of purity, rape, or sexual assault (and lets be real - most of us have encountered this too often), it's a deep personal memoir of theology and change.
It doesn't offer easy answers to the age old question "Why does God let bad things happen?" It doesn't offer easy answers to anything really. It gives author Ruth Everhart the space and the freedom to explore, to rage, to question. The days, years even, after her rape are tumultuous, angry, and confusing. She faced such heavy feelings of shame and anger - shame is a powerful insidious emotion. Women are raised in such an omnipresent cyclone of purity, sexuality, and virginity, with extra shame on the side.
I wanted to believe that women were equal to men in God's eyes, that God didn't subjugate women or smile on men who did.
She slowly undergoes a fundamental change in her spiritual life, and it's told skillfully. The realization that it's okay, even healthy, to question God, is life changing. She never pretends to have all the answers, or that she has been instantaneously relieved of her trauma. Trauma changes us. It changed her.
Really, while it's a difficult book to read (rape memoirs* often are - and I HATE to the very pit of my stomach that that genre even exists), it's worthwhile. It espouses a beautiful view of God and women, and the value of ALL humans.
*Side note: I have to pause for a moment and recommend I Will Find You: A Reporter Investigates the Life of the Man Who Raped Her, which is one of the best, most powerful memoirs I've ever read.
While I disagree with the publisher's decision to censor some of the language, I understand since it's from a Christian publisher. I would hate to see anyone turn this book away simply due to a few words. However, the uneven nature of the censoring confuses.
I want to applaud both the author and publisher for putting such a brave work together. It's rare to find a memoir written by a feminist female pastor who quotes Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and it was a worthwhile, albeit difficult, read.
In summary:
Women are not merely virgins or victims. There's more to living in a woman's skin than that.
*All quotations are taken from proof copy*
Big thanks to Edelweiss and Tyndale House for the digital review copy.
April 5, 2017
Ruined is a raw, honest, and compelling memoir about a horrific event in Ruth Everhart's life. Often hard to read at times, she takes us on a journey and shows us how forgiveness, faith and love can get us through the darkest days of our lives.
August 24, 2016
I grew up in the church. And it wasn’t until I was 29 years old that I saw a woman preach for the first time. That woman was Ruth, author of the powerful new memoir, Ruined.
The central event of the memoir is unimaginable trauma. Robbed at gunpoint, held hostage for 4 hours, and raped, Ruth, who grew up in a solidly conservative, loving faith tradition, finds herself “ruined”—or so she thinks. Her memoir takes us unflinchingly through the crime, the trial, and the trauma’s aftermath. Her faith is torn apart and then rebuilt with more emotional and intellectual honesty than I have read in quite some time.
The memoir itself is incredibly brave; the writing is intense and brilliant. But my favorite part of the book is the epilogue, “A Letter to My Daughters,” in which Ruth pulls it all together, and the emotion lets loose. Because, well, DAUGHTERS. Here, she calls for the language and belief of “sexual purity”—and if you’re raised in the church, you know damn well what she’s talking about—to “be cast into the grave of extinct beliefs” (p. 306). Let’s all take a moment and stand up and clap for that one.
I pondered Ruth’s memoir after finishing it, because that’s the sort of book it is, while watching my two girls frolic and play on the beach. What could “ruin” these precious girls? Nothing. NOTHING. They are cherished, no matter what is done to them, or what they themselves do. They are cherished, cherished, cherished, by their mother, their father, their creator, and others—No. Matter. What. How terrifying that they could ever think otherwise. How heartbreaking that their faith could drag them there.
There are a thousand take-aways from Ruth’s book, and I strongly encourage everyone to read it and glean whatever wisdom speaks to them. But for me, as I type this review (probably a too personal review) with my girls—my perfect, cherished, never-to-be-ruined girls are hanging off of me and whining for a snack—it’s this shriek from the pages: “There’s more to living in a woman’s skin than staying a virgin” (p. 303). After all, “nothing is more washable than human skin” (p. 306).
The central event of the memoir is unimaginable trauma. Robbed at gunpoint, held hostage for 4 hours, and raped, Ruth, who grew up in a solidly conservative, loving faith tradition, finds herself “ruined”—or so she thinks. Her memoir takes us unflinchingly through the crime, the trial, and the trauma’s aftermath. Her faith is torn apart and then rebuilt with more emotional and intellectual honesty than I have read in quite some time.
The memoir itself is incredibly brave; the writing is intense and brilliant. But my favorite part of the book is the epilogue, “A Letter to My Daughters,” in which Ruth pulls it all together, and the emotion lets loose. Because, well, DAUGHTERS. Here, she calls for the language and belief of “sexual purity”—and if you’re raised in the church, you know damn well what she’s talking about—to “be cast into the grave of extinct beliefs” (p. 306). Let’s all take a moment and stand up and clap for that one.
I pondered Ruth’s memoir after finishing it, because that’s the sort of book it is, while watching my two girls frolic and play on the beach. What could “ruin” these precious girls? Nothing. NOTHING. They are cherished, no matter what is done to them, or what they themselves do. They are cherished, cherished, cherished, by their mother, their father, their creator, and others—No. Matter. What. How terrifying that they could ever think otherwise. How heartbreaking that their faith could drag them there.
There are a thousand take-aways from Ruth’s book, and I strongly encourage everyone to read it and glean whatever wisdom speaks to them. But for me, as I type this review (probably a too personal review) with my girls—my perfect, cherished, never-to-be-ruined girls are hanging off of me and whining for a snack—it’s this shriek from the pages: “There’s more to living in a woman’s skin than staying a virgin” (p. 303). After all, “nothing is more washable than human skin” (p. 306).
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January 24, 2020Stayed up late to finish this. Refraining from giving a rating for now. Processing, feeling all the feelings, feeling absolutely gutted by Ruth's trauma, the trial and conviction of the man who took the lead on her and her housemates' rape, her recovery, and just... Everything.
These memoirs wreck me every time I read them. But I refuse to stop reading. I refuse to look away. Church, we can't look away anymore. We can partner with victims simply by making sure their stories are told, that they are seen, heard, and believed. We help no one by turning a blind eye. We have to do better.
These memoirs wreck me every time I read them. But I refuse to stop reading. I refuse to look away. Church, we can't look away anymore. We can partner with victims simply by making sure their stories are told, that they are seen, heard, and believed. We help no one by turning a blind eye. We have to do better.
October 1, 2019
This author can write. I think this is a book that everyone should read, if nothing more than to better understand the mental affects of rape.
The difference between this book and Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope after Domestic Abuse couldn't be different. While the subject matter is different, this author doesn't blame others for her actions/attitudes and she also doesn't blame Calvinism/Complementarianism for the struggles she faces or the sins forced upon her. That's not to say she is either. The book has a weird kind of thesis/proof relationship. She believes egalitarianism in the very beginning and all of her experiences go to prove why she should be, except nothing shows this. She asserts it.
What I really liked about this book (besides the writing) was she really focuses on the problem of evil and pain. By the end, I feel she takes the easy way out via classic Arminianism, but I am thankful she wrestles with the issue so clearly and deeply. It benefits the book so that people can hear what the mind/soul goes through when dealing with unspeakable evil.
I loved this book even though I didn't agree with her theologically. I'm glad I read it and fully reco it.
(Warning: the book is graphic, both in depiction and language.)
Side-note to my Reformed followers: How many books do we have to read before we realize that there are certain beliefs and connections in our reformed theology that allow for abusers and racists to stay hidden and thrive?
The difference between this book and Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope after Domestic Abuse couldn't be different. While the subject matter is different, this author doesn't blame others for her actions/attitudes and she also doesn't blame Calvinism/Complementarianism for the struggles she faces or the sins forced upon her. That's not to say she is either. The book has a weird kind of thesis/proof relationship. She believes egalitarianism in the very beginning and all of her experiences go to prove why she should be, except nothing shows this. She asserts it.
What I really liked about this book (besides the writing) was she really focuses on the problem of evil and pain. By the end, I feel she takes the easy way out via classic Arminianism, but I am thankful she wrestles with the issue so clearly and deeply. It benefits the book so that people can hear what the mind/soul goes through when dealing with unspeakable evil.
I loved this book even though I didn't agree with her theologically. I'm glad I read it and fully reco it.
(Warning: the book is graphic, both in depiction and language.)
Side-note to my Reformed followers: How many books do we have to read before we realize that there are certain beliefs and connections in our reformed theology that allow for abusers and racists to stay hidden and thrive?
October 19, 2017
I don't know how to begin to review Ruined. It is brutal, honest, and unflinching. Everhart is a gifted storyteller and very easy to relate to. On the other hand, I hate that such a genre as "rape memoir" even exists. Ok, my thoughts on the book - it is extremely well written, which is part of what makes it hard to read. There were parts of her recovery that I wish she had discussed in greater detail. I would caution anyone who has been the victim of sexual assault to be very willing to put this book down. That said, I wish every pastor, counselor, church leader, etc., would read Ruined to get a better idea of the very real fallout from sexual assault. Women in all denominations and traditions deal with this issue in one way or another, and the spiritual ramifications can be huge. The shepherds of God's church need to be willing and able to provide comfort and appropriate counsel to the hurting and broken, and reading books like this is a good start.
April 12, 2017
I cannot say enough good things about this book. While hard to read at times because of the intense pain in the story of the night she and her housemates were raped, the ensuing PTSD, and her recovery, Everhart tells her story with perspective and vulnerability. She doesn't shy away from the questions that rocked her faith, and she doesn't have easy answers. It is not a bitter story, but rather one that shows the grace and presence of God in the most awful of circumstances. And it's not a simple story, giving space to the big, complicated feelings and questions. Highly recommended for Christians and non-Christians, men and women.
May 16, 2016
Ruined is an upcoming memoir from Tyndale House, written by the pastor who preceded me at my sweet little church. A pre-publication galley of the manuscript was provided to me for the purposes of this review.
Ruth has a wonderful gift with language, which I knew from her blogging and her prior writing on the strange dynamics of pilgrimage. This book only reinforces that conviction. Ruined is, in turns, wrenching and funny and earthy, horrific and sublime.
It's what Ruth bluntly calls a "rape-memoir." She offers us the story of her youth in a sheltered, earnestly conservative Christian community, and how the self-understanding that rose from that life was shattered when she and her college housemates were systematically raped by two assailants during a home invasion.
Though it's engaging and artfully wrought, it can make for rough reading. Ruth casts an unflinching light on both the night of the assault and the significant furrows that violent trauma cut into the her psyche. Ruined explores the impacts of rape on her capacity to trust, her ability to develop and sustain healthy relationships, and how losing a sense of self--even one falsely grounded--can shatter a soul. Here, Ruth rightly challenges the "purity ethic" that casts a pall over survivors of sexual violence, and the socially-mediated shame that can stand between victims and their restoration.
Ruined also explores the peculiar dynamics of race and trauma. The young men who assaulted her and her housemates were black, and even though she'd been raised in a household with liberal attitudes towards race, she is open about the unwanted, irrational fears that created in her. That "black" was Other in the almost entirely white community in which she'd been raised had an impact on that reaction. Her soul-struggles to overcome the race-tinged trauma-response to her assault are significant and relevant in a time of increased cultural anxiety about race.
One of the great strengths of the book may be a challenge for some readers. Her story is deeply interwoven with her journey of faith. As a disciple of Jesus of Nazareth, this is my language, and part of my story. Her insights into the impact of violence on our encounter with God are valuable, but may be so steeped in my faith that some outside of our circle might struggle with her discussions of theology. That's her journey, though, and it wouldn't be real if she didn't tell it as it was. For Christian readers, particularly those who have encountered significant life trauma, Ruined is filled with hard won wisdom.
If you're interested in the impacts of violent trauma on faith, and how faith can help our healing after trauma, you'll find much of value in Ruined.
Ruth has a wonderful gift with language, which I knew from her blogging and her prior writing on the strange dynamics of pilgrimage. This book only reinforces that conviction. Ruined is, in turns, wrenching and funny and earthy, horrific and sublime.
It's what Ruth bluntly calls a "rape-memoir." She offers us the story of her youth in a sheltered, earnestly conservative Christian community, and how the self-understanding that rose from that life was shattered when she and her college housemates were systematically raped by two assailants during a home invasion.
Though it's engaging and artfully wrought, it can make for rough reading. Ruth casts an unflinching light on both the night of the assault and the significant furrows that violent trauma cut into the her psyche. Ruined explores the impacts of rape on her capacity to trust, her ability to develop and sustain healthy relationships, and how losing a sense of self--even one falsely grounded--can shatter a soul. Here, Ruth rightly challenges the "purity ethic" that casts a pall over survivors of sexual violence, and the socially-mediated shame that can stand between victims and their restoration.
Ruined also explores the peculiar dynamics of race and trauma. The young men who assaulted her and her housemates were black, and even though she'd been raised in a household with liberal attitudes towards race, she is open about the unwanted, irrational fears that created in her. That "black" was Other in the almost entirely white community in which she'd been raised had an impact on that reaction. Her soul-struggles to overcome the race-tinged trauma-response to her assault are significant and relevant in a time of increased cultural anxiety about race.
One of the great strengths of the book may be a challenge for some readers. Her story is deeply interwoven with her journey of faith. As a disciple of Jesus of Nazareth, this is my language, and part of my story. Her insights into the impact of violence on our encounter with God are valuable, but may be so steeped in my faith that some outside of our circle might struggle with her discussions of theology. That's her journey, though, and it wouldn't be real if she didn't tell it as it was. For Christian readers, particularly those who have encountered significant life trauma, Ruined is filled with hard won wisdom.
If you're interested in the impacts of violent trauma on faith, and how faith can help our healing after trauma, you'll find much of value in Ruined.
February 3, 2018
This review was originally posted on my blog Rachel Reading where I review books like this regularly. Come check it out!
One of the questions we all have, but also are afraid to ask is "Why God? Where were you?" and I really like books that tackle this question. I don't want an answer because all of us have different stories but I like to read about what people have been through and how they dealt with the aftermath and the questions that come from this.
Ruth Everhart went through hell, literally. In college, her home was burglarized and she was raped for no other reason than her Zodiac sign. She went to a conservative Christian school and had to deal with the aftermath of all the shame and questions that came with that. The book begins with her attack, so if this is a topic that is very triggering you might want to avoid it. However, the story continues in chronological order of the aftermath. The hospital, when the girls went their own separate ways and dating beyond that. I didn't want to put this book down, Ruth's writing made it feel like I was sitting down with an old friend
Although this book is marketed as a Christian Memoir, and it absolutely is, I think it could easily be enjoyed by people who aren't Christian if they're interested in how people use their faith to deal with moments of crisis. I love that the author is pro-choice and pro-GLBTQIA (at least this is what I understand from what I saw on her website). I really enjoyed learning about another persons experience with life in this book and tore through it.
One of the questions we all have, but also are afraid to ask is "Why God? Where were you?" and I really like books that tackle this question. I don't want an answer because all of us have different stories but I like to read about what people have been through and how they dealt with the aftermath and the questions that come from this.
Ruth Everhart went through hell, literally. In college, her home was burglarized and she was raped for no other reason than her Zodiac sign. She went to a conservative Christian school and had to deal with the aftermath of all the shame and questions that came with that. The book begins with her attack, so if this is a topic that is very triggering you might want to avoid it. However, the story continues in chronological order of the aftermath. The hospital, when the girls went their own separate ways and dating beyond that. I didn't want to put this book down, Ruth's writing made it feel like I was sitting down with an old friend
Although this book is marketed as a Christian Memoir, and it absolutely is, I think it could easily be enjoyed by people who aren't Christian if they're interested in how people use their faith to deal with moments of crisis. I love that the author is pro-choice and pro-GLBTQIA (at least this is what I understand from what I saw on her website). I really enjoyed learning about another persons experience with life in this book and tore through it.
October 4, 2018
Even tho this is a sad story, it's excruciating long and boring!This could have been 100 pages book and that would have been OK. If I was to play a drinking game at the "God" word I would be in a fucking coma! I struggled so damn much to make it till the end! Again, even tho it is so damn sad what happened to the writer, I regret reading this, and I would like my wasted hours back!
November 26, 2018
Heartbreaking and devastating account of a woman's sexual assault and her journey toward wholeness. Important reading for women, essential reading for men.
June 24, 2018
Such a powerful book. Ruth has a wonderful writing voice - I couldn't put this book down. Difficult subject matter and honest story telling.
December 7, 2018
What a heartbreaking memoir.
I kind of wish I hadn’t picked it up because of what Ruth Everheart goes through. It was hard reading about her experiences and having to read such a raw work on pain.
Recommended for those who are particularly interested in the Everheart’s journey which include her religious beliefs–something I found unique.
I kind of wish I hadn’t picked it up because of what Ruth Everheart goes through. It was hard reading about her experiences and having to read such a raw work on pain.
Recommended for those who are particularly interested in the Everheart’s journey which include her religious beliefs–something I found unique.
April 13, 2017
I was very proud of her for telling her story and how she struggled with God after the fact.
Most of us that have or had messy/broken pasts don't share in details with the Christian Community Because some Christians, not all, want to talk over us and "fix" us when we just need a good listener and someone to seriously pray for us.
I did feel like a lot of this story was lacking something in the telling, so I only gave it 3.5 stars.
Most of us that have or had messy/broken pasts don't share in details with the Christian Community Because some Christians, not all, want to talk over us and "fix" us when we just need a good listener and someone to seriously pray for us.
I did feel like a lot of this story was lacking something in the telling, so I only gave it 3.5 stars.
December 14, 2016
This memoir is simply amazing and gripping! The topic is both horrifying and courageous. Ruth is incredibly honest and open about her theological and personal struggles following the brutal rape and robbery she and her housemates experienced in college. Weaving the narrative with her contemplation of the events years later, she tells a story that brings tears, laughter, fear, hope, and ultimately light in the midst of darkness. As someone who was brutally mugged and robbed my last year of seminary (which is when I first met Ruth at our alma mater) and had to deal with my own sense of outrage and bias, she spoke to my heart and soul. As a male pastor/chaplain who has counseled countless numbers of rape victims over the course of my career, Ruth thankfully encouraged me that I had done the best job possible in those cases given that I was a male religious leader working with women who had been victimized. This isn't a how-to manual for counselors or survivors. That would sell this memoir far short of what it truly is. It is a gift to her own daughters... it is a gift to family, friends, and strangers... it is an honest sharing of one woman's journey through Hell to healing and wholeness. Her story touched my heart and soul deeply... thank you, Ruth, for your vulnerability and courage.
June 30, 2016
I had a chance to read much of the manuscript as a member of Ruth's writing group and to follow the process as she worked on the book, and to read a digital galley copy. In it, she tells the story of a brutal rape in college and its implications for her life and her faith. Her writing is frank and visceral, lyrical and even humorous, as she tells the story of her girlhood in the Christian Reformed Church, her traumatic experience while a senior at Calvin College, and the impact on her personal life and her faith life. While the descriptions of the attack on Ruth and her roommates are distressing, Ruth brings you into the room in a way that is powerful without being gratuitous. Her theological reflections are profound. Her wrestling with the racial component of the assault is honest and unselfconscious. I highly recommend this book.
November 14, 2016
This book began by breaking my heart. I hardly took a breath through the first chapter as Ruth described the horrifying night she and her housemates were brutally attacked and sexually assaulted in a home invasion. As the story progressed and Ruth described her struggles, along with the small victories along the way, I cheered her on with every page turn. The writing was beautiful even when the subject matter was decidedly not. The movement from utter devastation to a new understanding of God and the nature of God's grace was navigated so expertly, the book became less about what happened in those terrifying four hours in 1978, and more about what all Christians - if they're honest - must do to sort out the theological dilemma of why there is so much suffering in a world so loved by God. Well done, Ruth.
September 9, 2016
You don't have to experience a violent assault like Ruth Everhart to understand her crisis of faith. Many Christian women have asked the same or similar theological questions about God's will and His presence. Read this powerful story and be rocked by Ruth's raw honesty, encouraged by her fierce perseverance, and inspired by her resolute faith.
October 31, 2016
Stark, brutally honest, and a must read for anyone who thinks they've got it all figured out. Ruth Everhart's memoir of surviving trauma and overcoming an aftermath of pain is a triumph. I want to thank Tyndale for publishing this ... and Ruth Everhart for this courageous memoir. This is not an easy read but an important one.
August 3, 2017
I'll admit, I almost didn't read this when I realized that it was published by a Christian Publisher. I was really afraid that it would end up making me angry (the way, that frankly 90% of things written by Christians, do).
But it ended up doing really well done, steering clear of generalizations and easy black and white answers.
But it ended up doing really well done, steering clear of generalizations and easy black and white answers.
August 2, 2016
It's easy to study theology in an ivory tower or to live out our faith within the pristine walls of a sanctuary, but Ruth Everhart teaches us how to engage in the midst of heart-wrenching realities. Fascinating and insightful, Ruth's experience and wisdom should impact us all.
February 11, 2017
an excellent book weaving Memoir with Theology tragedy with redemption.
January 5, 2022
I have numerous issues with this book, namely the author's inaccurate theology. Her upbringing in the Calvinist tradition creates difficulty for her to reconcile the rape she endured with God's will and the lack of free will that Calvinism teaches. Secondly, she ultimately leaves her church of origin for a denomination that allows women in leadership positions. She does this out of her own desire to serve, rather than from a deeper understanding of scripture.
Another issue I have is that she actually was raped on two different occasions, yet apparently is only traumatized by the crime that was committed by black men. She glosses over the fact that she had been raped by a white man a few years prior while working in Yellowstone. I think she tries to overcome her bias by attending interracial churches and deliberately going on a date with a black man, but unfortunately she never seems to completely overcome her fear of black men.
My final major issue is that while she wrestles with wondering if the rapes were God's way of punishing her own sexual sin (consensual encounters with two different men, one of whom is married), she never seems repentant for those sins.
I'm truly sorry she had to endure the horrific crime of being raped. It certainly was not her fault, nor was it God's will for her to be raped. God does not punish sin in a tit-for-tat manner as she believes at first.
If the theology had been more scripturally accurate, and the writing had been better, this could have been a powerful story. I kept expecting the author to delve into forgiveness, but that didn't occur in the book and as a result the book falls flat.
Another issue I have is that she actually was raped on two different occasions, yet apparently is only traumatized by the crime that was committed by black men. She glosses over the fact that she had been raped by a white man a few years prior while working in Yellowstone. I think she tries to overcome her bias by attending interracial churches and deliberately going on a date with a black man, but unfortunately she never seems to completely overcome her fear of black men.
My final major issue is that while she wrestles with wondering if the rapes were God's way of punishing her own sexual sin (consensual encounters with two different men, one of whom is married), she never seems repentant for those sins.
I'm truly sorry she had to endure the horrific crime of being raped. It certainly was not her fault, nor was it God's will for her to be raped. God does not punish sin in a tit-for-tat manner as she believes at first.
If the theology had been more scripturally accurate, and the writing had been better, this could have been a powerful story. I kept expecting the author to delve into forgiveness, but that didn't occur in the book and as a result the book falls flat.
October 24, 2017
I picked this up with no idea what it was about. With that said, I greatly admire the Author and the openness with which she writes this heartbreaking memoir. A true story about a young college girl who along with her roommates is robbed and raped. A beautifully written story about trauma, rage, fear and faith. How she overcame daily fear in the everyday world and her journey through faith to understand the good and evil that befalls us.
I noticed several reviews complained against this being a Christian Publication with the content and wording. I just want to commend Ruth Everhart on her honesty in reliving such a gut wrenching night that isn't and should never be sugar coated. To of lived through such terror she still has her faith and goes on to become a Pastor. That type of belief is one of the greatest testimonies to God I have ever heard.
I noticed several reviews complained against this being a Christian Publication with the content and wording. I just want to commend Ruth Everhart on her honesty in reliving such a gut wrenching night that isn't and should never be sugar coated. To of lived through such terror she still has her faith and goes on to become a Pastor. That type of belief is one of the greatest testimonies to God I have ever heard.
March 9, 2019
I met Ruth Everhart when we ended up sitting next to each other on a recent flight. As we made small talk, we quickly discovered a shared love of books, her as an author and me on a trajectory to potentially opening my own bookstore. I asked Ruth about the books she’s published and that’s when she told me about Ruined.
This memoir is Ruth’s account of a horrific incident from her senior year of college, when she and four roommates were repeatedly raped at gunpoint by two men. Through this retelling, Ruth bravely challenges religious and societal doctrines that base a woman’s worth on her purity or try to shame and blame the victim. As difficult as it was to read, this story is also brave and beautiful and most importantly, honest. It reminds us that we are each so much bigger than the things that happen to us and that there is tremendous value in speaking our stories out loud, even and especially when they are difficult to tell.
This memoir is Ruth’s account of a horrific incident from her senior year of college, when she and four roommates were repeatedly raped at gunpoint by two men. Through this retelling, Ruth bravely challenges religious and societal doctrines that base a woman’s worth on her purity or try to shame and blame the victim. As difficult as it was to read, this story is also brave and beautiful and most importantly, honest. It reminds us that we are each so much bigger than the things that happen to us and that there is tremendous value in speaking our stories out loud, even and especially when they are difficult to tell.
June 6, 2018
I found Ruined a powerful combination of memoir & religious journey. I perceived Ruth Eberhart's writing to be genuine in taking me through her reflection on a traumatic violent event & her journey to recover & make sense of it. I appreciated that her journey wasn't perfect. During her journey she had an affair w/ married man. Her honesty about this experience & her feelings of how to make sense of her decision to do so & to forgive herself struck deep w/ me. Her questioning of how to reconcile the good that God brings us means that God also has power over the challenges God brings into our lives also rang true. Anyone that believes in a higher power will appreciate this book. I'll be looking for more books by Ruth Everhart. I think she has much more I'd like to read.
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August 1, 20203.5 stars as an exploration of rape and its aftermath. The potential for four stars for a Christian reader I should think. I don't want this mini review (a longer one to follow) to focus on my opinions on Christianity; that is hardly the point but I do think it worth mentioning that from about 2/3 through the focus shifts from experience and recovery, albeit through a religious lens to almost constant theology. It's still worth a read for a non Christian but the powerful statements/thoughts/images seen so often early in the book, are diluted by a pathway to self acceptance that is unrelatable to many people who might need it.
April 22, 2018
An amazing memoir about a very difficult time in one young woman's life. It deserves to have won a Christianity Today award. Among many important questions, she asks: How do you reconcile God's love with the evil that is done to good people? The answers she gives--and the descriptions of how she arrived at them--are something many of us need to hear. Very well done!!
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