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I Don't Get You: A Guide to Healthy Conversations
Relationships can be confusing, and communication is a huge part of that confusion. "I Don't Get You" aims to be a practical, accessible resource that helps readers navigate opposite-sex communication with intentionality.This booklet explores how God designed our hearts and the variations between men and women. Men and women relate, attach, and express themselves differently. Even what we think and feel during a shared conversation may be misunderstood.The 5 Categories of Conversation introduced in this booklet give practical and easy-to-apply guidelines for interaction. The material guides us to fulfilling relationships that respect emotional boundaries and promote healthy interactions. "I Don't Get You" equips men to protect their own hearts and the hearts of women around them. It also reveals how we can intentionally pursue the heart of one special person. Women will learn to recognize the invisible emotional ties that easily form and to guard their hearts from uncommitted emotional intimacy.
84 pages, Paperback
Published May 15, 2016
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56 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
April 21, 2016
Emotional purity promotes healthy intimacy while guarding against unintended or unhealthy attachment.
Emotional purity is tied to having healthy conversations as a single and married. This is what this short read reveals- how our sexuality and emotions are connected. Rightly so, it stresses the importance of having a healthy relationship with Christ. Are we emotionally tied to the work of Christ and what he has done for us? If we are not, it is easy to let our heart run astray.
The study introduces a man and women in a friendly relationship however, it is easy for that relationship to be emotional when boundaries are not set and realized. This is where we can get hurt. Men can feel that they are being led on and women can easily give their heart to a man that has no intention of giving his heart to her. We become defrauders many times not realizing what we have done. This happens when we do not guard our heart.
As a married woman, I felt that the read was informative about not only guarding my own heart but the heart of others as well. Do I tend to share too much of my own life and give myself emotionally to someone that can be hurtful when I cannot commit. This is about building healthy relationships with others. A future spouse, a co-worker, friends. It is promotes healthy intimacy to others.
Short read and worth taking the steps to guarding your own heart and the heart of others.
A Special Thank You to Tyndale House Publishers and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
Emotional purity is tied to having healthy conversations as a single and married. This is what this short read reveals- how our sexuality and emotions are connected. Rightly so, it stresses the importance of having a healthy relationship with Christ. Are we emotionally tied to the work of Christ and what he has done for us? If we are not, it is easy to let our heart run astray.
The study introduces a man and women in a friendly relationship however, it is easy for that relationship to be emotional when boundaries are not set and realized. This is where we can get hurt. Men can feel that they are being led on and women can easily give their heart to a man that has no intention of giving his heart to her. We become defrauders many times not realizing what we have done. This happens when we do not guard our heart.
As a married woman, I felt that the read was informative about not only guarding my own heart but the heart of others as well. Do I tend to share too much of my own life and give myself emotionally to someone that can be hurtful when I cannot commit. This is about building healthy relationships with others. A future spouse, a co-worker, friends. It is promotes healthy intimacy to others.
Short read and worth taking the steps to guarding your own heart and the heart of others.
A Special Thank You to Tyndale House Publishers and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
July 25, 2024
"God designed our hearts to attach to others through conversation. The more intimate the discussion, the greater the emotional bond we form."
If it hadn't been this short, I would've gladly given it more stars. It touches on topics that I've already learned the hard way, but it was still a good reminder.
More quotes I liked:
I was struck by what I heard: that for women (and perhaps for men as well), unhealthy emotional dependency is often the gateway into same-sex attraction. By guarding against unhealthy emotional attachments, someone with same-sex attraction can avoid the temptation to act on these emotions.
In order to move forward, we also have to surrender our hearts to God. By acknowledging that our hearts belong to Him, to guard or give away as He sees fit, we will start to trust Him and this other person. This doesn’t guarantee we won’t get hurt again. Unfortunately, there are no earthly relationships without some level of risk. But it is an important step toward finding freedom and moving forward.
If it hadn't been this short, I would've gladly given it more stars. It touches on topics that I've already learned the hard way, but it was still a good reminder.
More quotes I liked:
I was struck by what I heard: that for women (and perhaps for men as well), unhealthy emotional dependency is often the gateway into same-sex attraction. By guarding against unhealthy emotional attachments, someone with same-sex attraction can avoid the temptation to act on these emotions.
In order to move forward, we also have to surrender our hearts to God. By acknowledging that our hearts belong to Him, to guard or give away as He sees fit, we will start to trust Him and this other person. This doesn’t guarantee we won’t get hurt again. Unfortunately, there are no earthly relationships without some level of risk. But it is an important step toward finding freedom and moving forward.
July 9, 2023
Short and insightful read on emotional purity or 'How to not go too deep too soon in an inadequate context.' The author gives guidelines on how to match the topic and content of your conversations (especially with the opposite sex) to where the level of intimacy matches the level of commitment. This book is targeted toward teenagers and young adults that are trying to navigate friendships and relationships - it is straightforward and practical. However, I do think it is a bit overly generalized and there is more depth to this topic that can be explored further. Considering how short it is - it still offers useful tips that are worth thinking through.
March 18, 2018
Goed hulpmiddel om na te denken hoe ik op welk niveau wil omgaan met mannen en vriendschappen. Goed punt ook dat intimiteit onderhouden moet worden, om hechte relaties in stand te houden.
August 1, 2016
Among my peers I was a late bloomer when it came to dating. Some of classmates and neighborhood friends were “dating” as young as 10 years old. I started dating around my freshman year of high school. Other than the age old warnings doled out about watching out for boys, I really had no idea how to date a boy. As a result I made many mistakes while I fumbled my way through the murky world of “courting.” I wish someone had offered me a guide like I don’t GET you: A guide to healthy conversations by Sherry Graf.
I don’t GET you is a pocket sized booklet that offers advice about how to have healthy conversations and practice emotional purity in relationships. The first part of the booklet gives examples of how we can sometimes put out mixed signals that lead us into relationships that we really shouldn’t get into by forming invisible emotional ties. The author gives 5 conversation categories to guide healthy conversations that gradually develop a deeper intimacy with someone. The categories are: bio-data, testimony/faith story/spiritual journey, dreams, fears, and deepest hurts. Each category gets more intimate and opens up the individuals to emotional attachments to one another. While the primary audience for the booklet is young adults, it can also be a good read for adults who are changing their dating habits to introduce emotional and physical purity into their new relationships.
Part V of the booklet deals with emotional purity and marriage. The author states that “practicing emotional purity also helps to protect marriages from outside emotional attachments that could lead to physical affairs.” She adds that “maintaining the right context and level of intimacy while in conversation with people of the opposite gender will guard against an emotional affair. We should always keep our spouses as our closest confidants.” She goes on to say that often when people open up to someone other than their spouses they are also opening themselves up to the potential for something unintentional, like physical or emotional intimacy. Throughout the book she reminds readers that the “level of intimacy should equal the level of commitment.
I don’t GET you is the perfect gift for young people who are just starting to date, christians who are new to the faith, or anyone having a difficult time forging intimate relationships. It is an easy to read reference book that ask questions which cause the reader to strategically consider whether they are ready to move a new relationship from casual to intimate, while building a strong bond with a potential life partner. If you are looking for a deep research-based self-help book, this booklet isn’t for you. But, if you want a light read that provides key questions to ask yourself and others, then it is perfect for you.
Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
I don’t GET you is a pocket sized booklet that offers advice about how to have healthy conversations and practice emotional purity in relationships. The first part of the booklet gives examples of how we can sometimes put out mixed signals that lead us into relationships that we really shouldn’t get into by forming invisible emotional ties. The author gives 5 conversation categories to guide healthy conversations that gradually develop a deeper intimacy with someone. The categories are: bio-data, testimony/faith story/spiritual journey, dreams, fears, and deepest hurts. Each category gets more intimate and opens up the individuals to emotional attachments to one another. While the primary audience for the booklet is young adults, it can also be a good read for adults who are changing their dating habits to introduce emotional and physical purity into their new relationships.
Part V of the booklet deals with emotional purity and marriage. The author states that “practicing emotional purity also helps to protect marriages from outside emotional attachments that could lead to physical affairs.” She adds that “maintaining the right context and level of intimacy while in conversation with people of the opposite gender will guard against an emotional affair. We should always keep our spouses as our closest confidants.” She goes on to say that often when people open up to someone other than their spouses they are also opening themselves up to the potential for something unintentional, like physical or emotional intimacy. Throughout the book she reminds readers that the “level of intimacy should equal the level of commitment.
I don’t GET you is the perfect gift for young people who are just starting to date, christians who are new to the faith, or anyone having a difficult time forging intimate relationships. It is an easy to read reference book that ask questions which cause the reader to strategically consider whether they are ready to move a new relationship from casual to intimate, while building a strong bond with a potential life partner. If you are looking for a deep research-based self-help book, this booklet isn’t for you. But, if you want a light read that provides key questions to ask yourself and others, then it is perfect for you.
Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
May 16, 2016
Much has been written on sexual purity but Graf takes the issue one step deeper to emotional purity.
I wish I'd had this booklet a year ago. I agreed to take an elderly man, old enough to be my father, to his series of appointments for eye surgery. While I knew I was just being kind, there soon developed an emotional attachment on his part. After reading this booklet, I understand exactly what happened.
It seems like Graf wrote this booklet just for me, having found myself in a confusing relationship with the opposite sex. She helped me understand how conversations build emotional ties. She helped me understand how to express concern without unintended intimacy. I now realize that context and content are both important in understanding how conversation relates to intimacy.
I really like Graf's description of the five conversation categories. That helped me grasp the emotional levels involved. I now understand that my elderly acquaintance sharing the deep hurt of the recent loss of his wife in the context of me driving him to the doctor's office created an emotional dependency on his part. Should I do this kind of ministry again, I'll make sure to take someone with me, changing the context from one on one to a group setting.
This is a great booklet for singles. You'll learn conversation skills and recognize areas of caution. You'll know how to keep from unintentionally sending intimacy signals when you want to keep the relationship platonic. You'll also gain understanding that will be helpful in your future relationships such as marriage.
This booklet is not just for young people, however. Pastors, counselors, and ministry leaders would benefit from reading this booklet. There are lots of discussion questions so it could be used for training over a few sessions. The booklet is a great tool for understanding and developing healthy relationships between men and women.
I received a complimentary egalley of this booklet from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.
I wish I'd had this booklet a year ago. I agreed to take an elderly man, old enough to be my father, to his series of appointments for eye surgery. While I knew I was just being kind, there soon developed an emotional attachment on his part. After reading this booklet, I understand exactly what happened.
It seems like Graf wrote this booklet just for me, having found myself in a confusing relationship with the opposite sex. She helped me understand how conversations build emotional ties. She helped me understand how to express concern without unintended intimacy. I now realize that context and content are both important in understanding how conversation relates to intimacy.
I really like Graf's description of the five conversation categories. That helped me grasp the emotional levels involved. I now understand that my elderly acquaintance sharing the deep hurt of the recent loss of his wife in the context of me driving him to the doctor's office created an emotional dependency on his part. Should I do this kind of ministry again, I'll make sure to take someone with me, changing the context from one on one to a group setting.
This is a great booklet for singles. You'll learn conversation skills and recognize areas of caution. You'll know how to keep from unintentionally sending intimacy signals when you want to keep the relationship platonic. You'll also gain understanding that will be helpful in your future relationships such as marriage.
This booklet is not just for young people, however. Pastors, counselors, and ministry leaders would benefit from reading this booklet. There are lots of discussion questions so it could be used for training over a few sessions. The booklet is a great tool for understanding and developing healthy relationships between men and women.
I received a complimentary egalley of this booklet from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.
June 6, 2016
I Don’t Get You is a book that addresses the topic of emotional purity between the opposite sexes. Emotional purity is the gatekeeper to sexual purity. This book is written to the unmarried teen who desires sexual purity in his or her life. There are six short (5-6 page) chapters with discussion questions in each chapter. She shares five categories to help guide you through appropriate discussions at various levels of intimacy with the opposite sex.
My Review
When I decided to read this book I thought it was going to be about the differences in men and women and how to communicate more effectively. Rather, it is written for young adults and deals with emotional/sexual purity – which isn’t a bad thing, just not what I was expecting. I think Sherry has a good message that would have helped me as a teen navigate the murky waters of talking to boys. At about the size of my hand, I was surprised at how small the book was. It is a quick read at the size of a booklet or an ebook. So, just because it wasn’t a good fit for me as a married middle-aged woman, doesn’t mean it might not be for you. See what you think – take a look at the First Chapter as well as an Author Q and A.
http://files.tyndale.com/thpdata/Firs...
http://mediacenter.tyndale.com/downlo...
I would recommend this book to: Teens desiring God honoring relationships, small group study for teens (the discussion questions through out the chapters are a plus)
Sum it up in one sentence: When is it ok to say what to the opposite sex?
*I received this book free from the publisher. You – the reader are my first priority. I am committed to giving an honest review to help you decide if the book is a good fit for you..
My Review
When I decided to read this book I thought it was going to be about the differences in men and women and how to communicate more effectively. Rather, it is written for young adults and deals with emotional/sexual purity – which isn’t a bad thing, just not what I was expecting. I think Sherry has a good message that would have helped me as a teen navigate the murky waters of talking to boys. At about the size of my hand, I was surprised at how small the book was. It is a quick read at the size of a booklet or an ebook. So, just because it wasn’t a good fit for me as a married middle-aged woman, doesn’t mean it might not be for you. See what you think – take a look at the First Chapter as well as an Author Q and A.
http://files.tyndale.com/thpdata/Firs...
http://mediacenter.tyndale.com/downlo...
I would recommend this book to: Teens desiring God honoring relationships, small group study for teens (the discussion questions through out the chapters are a plus)
Sum it up in one sentence: When is it ok to say what to the opposite sex?
*I received this book free from the publisher. You – the reader are my first priority. I am committed to giving an honest review to help you decide if the book is a good fit for you..
June 1, 2016
This is quite possibly the best book I have ever read on emotional purity in relationships with all people. I had expected the book to be bigger than it was, but really it’s a booklet. I Don’t Get You is only 66 pages long, but it is so packed full of practical insight and advice, that you would think it’s a much bigger book. I have already recommended this book to many of my friends, because I believe it really has some great things to say that are truth.
The booklet talks about the heart of healthy conversations, which is really a matter of the heart. How we must guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and how we can get involved in defrauding relationships. Next Sherry considers how to have healthy conversations and the 5 categories of conversations that bring people progressively closer. Dependency is also briefly discussed, those emotion-draining relationships with people of the same sex that can be difficult to deal with. Emotional purity in dating and in marriage are discussed individually and had a lot of great pointers and guidelines to consider. Finally, Sherry talks about pursuing emotional purity together. The book contains good, thought-provoking discussion questions that go deep and keep the reader from just brushing past.
I was given a review copy of I Don’t Get You from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. I received no monetary compensation for my review. The opinions expressed are my own.
The booklet talks about the heart of healthy conversations, which is really a matter of the heart. How we must guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and how we can get involved in defrauding relationships. Next Sherry considers how to have healthy conversations and the 5 categories of conversations that bring people progressively closer. Dependency is also briefly discussed, those emotion-draining relationships with people of the same sex that can be difficult to deal with. Emotional purity in dating and in marriage are discussed individually and had a lot of great pointers and guidelines to consider. Finally, Sherry talks about pursuing emotional purity together. The book contains good, thought-provoking discussion questions that go deep and keep the reader from just brushing past.
I was given a review copy of I Don’t Get You from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. I received no monetary compensation for my review. The opinions expressed are my own.
May 10, 2016
Short but informative, the booklet explores the how the emotional bonding works and what to do about it.
The booklet aims mostly on the college age folks but I feel it can be a food for thought for anyone (mostly females, though, as they tend to take their emotions in consideration more). The authoress explores how the content and context of our conversations can help to the emotional bond to form, how the differences between the sexes works and what to do about guarding our hearts for the most trusted people (among them for our spouse).
This is one practical, well-thought work what can help to prevent a lot of emotional uncertainty and suffering with its practical insight.
My only regret for the book is the wish for a longer, more complex book - the booklet is very well-written with information enough, but I wish for even more information - but this just shows how important this topic is!
Thanks to the Netgalley for the opportunity to review this book.
The booklet aims mostly on the college age folks but I feel it can be a food for thought for anyone (mostly females, though, as they tend to take their emotions in consideration more). The authoress explores how the content and context of our conversations can help to the emotional bond to form, how the differences between the sexes works and what to do about guarding our hearts for the most trusted people (among them for our spouse).
This is one practical, well-thought work what can help to prevent a lot of emotional uncertainty and suffering with its practical insight.
My only regret for the book is the wish for a longer, more complex book - the booklet is very well-written with information enough, but I wish for even more information - but this just shows how important this topic is!
Thanks to the Netgalley for the opportunity to review this book.
June 7, 2016
My Thoughts: This is a jean pocket sized book, very small & a super fast read. I must admit when I picked it to review, I didn't think it would be so small and that fast to read. Whenever I think about my marriage, I always look for ideas on how to work better together. Let's be honest marriage is work ...it takes time, energy & a constant uphill battle. & NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT, (for more of my thoughts... head to my blog... http://hike2forty.blogspot.com/2016/0...)
May 18, 2016
Need help to decipher where a relationship is going? This book is definitely a must read. It shows five simple steps or guidelines to follow in any relationship. They can be used as a guide or also as warning signs of a relationship going too far too quickly. I really enjoyed this little booklet and it was an easy read. Plus I got to review it for free through Tyndale Publishing. :-)
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