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Bukowski in a Sundress: Confessions from a Writing Life
“Somewhere between Jo Ann Beard’s The Boys of My Youth and Amy Schumer’s stand-up exists Kim Addonizio’s style of storytelling . . . at once biting and vulnerable, nostalgic without ever veering off into sentimentality.” —Refinery29
“Always vital, clever, and seductive, Addonizio is a secular Anne Lamott, a spiritual aunt to Lena Dunham.” — Booklist
A dazzling, edgy, laugh-out-loud memoir from the award-winning poet and novelist that reflects on writing, drinking, dating, and more
Kim Addonizio is used to being exposed. As a writer of provocative poems and stories, she has encountered success along with one critic dismissed her as “Charles Bukowski in a sundress.” (“Why not Walt Whitman in a sparkly tutu?” she muses.) Now, in this utterly original memoir in essays, she opens up to chronicle the joys and indignities in the life of a writer wandering through middle age.
Addonizio vividly captures moments of inspiration at the writing desk (or bed) and adventures on the road—from a champagne-and-vodka-fueled one-night stand at a writing conference to sparsely attended readings at remote Midwestern colleges. Her crackling, unfiltered wit brings colorful life to pieces like “What Writers Do All Day,” “How to Fall for a Younger Man,” and “Necrophilia” (that is, sexual attraction to men who are dead inside). And she turns a tender yet still comic eye to her her father, who sparked her love of poetry; her mother, a former tennis champion who struggled through Parkinson’s at the end of her life; and her daughter, who at a young age chanced upon some erotica she had written for Penthouse .
At once intimate and outrageous, Addonizio’s memoir radiates all the wit and heartbreak and ever-sexy grittiness that her fans have come to love—and that new readers will not soon forget.
“Always vital, clever, and seductive, Addonizio is a secular Anne Lamott, a spiritual aunt to Lena Dunham.” — Booklist
A dazzling, edgy, laugh-out-loud memoir from the award-winning poet and novelist that reflects on writing, drinking, dating, and more
Kim Addonizio is used to being exposed. As a writer of provocative poems and stories, she has encountered success along with one critic dismissed her as “Charles Bukowski in a sundress.” (“Why not Walt Whitman in a sparkly tutu?” she muses.) Now, in this utterly original memoir in essays, she opens up to chronicle the joys and indignities in the life of a writer wandering through middle age.
Addonizio vividly captures moments of inspiration at the writing desk (or bed) and adventures on the road—from a champagne-and-vodka-fueled one-night stand at a writing conference to sparsely attended readings at remote Midwestern colleges. Her crackling, unfiltered wit brings colorful life to pieces like “What Writers Do All Day,” “How to Fall for a Younger Man,” and “Necrophilia” (that is, sexual attraction to men who are dead inside). And she turns a tender yet still comic eye to her her father, who sparked her love of poetry; her mother, a former tennis champion who struggled through Parkinson’s at the end of her life; and her daughter, who at a young age chanced upon some erotica she had written for Penthouse .
At once intimate and outrageous, Addonizio’s memoir radiates all the wit and heartbreak and ever-sexy grittiness that her fans have come to love—and that new readers will not soon forget.
224 pages, Paperback
First published June 21, 2016
48 people are currently reading
1265 people want to read
About the author
Kim Addonizio
65 books611 followersAuthor of several poetry collections including Tell Me, a National Book Award Finalist. My Black Angel is a book of blues poems with woodcuts by Charles D. Jones, from SFA Press. The Palace of Illusions is a story collection from Counterpoint/Soft Skull. A New & Selected, Wild Nights, is out in the UK from Bloodaxe Books.
2016 publications: Mortal Trash, new poems, from W.W. Norton, awarded the Paterson Poetry Prize. A memoir, Bukowski in a Sundress: Confessions from a Writing Life, from Penguin.
Two instructional books on writing poetry: The Poet's Companion (with Dorianne Laux), and Ordinary Genius: A Guide for the Poet Within.
First novel, Little Beauties, was published by Simon & Schuster and chosen as "Best Book of the Month" by Book of the Month Club. My Dreams Out in the Street, second novel, released by Simon & Schuster in 2007.
A new word/music CD, "My Black Angel, "is a collaboration with several musicians and contains all the poems in the book of that name. That and an earlier word/music CD with poet Susan Browne, "Swearing, Smoking, Drinking, & Kissing," available from cdbaby.com. There's an earlier book of stories, In the Box Called Pleasure (FC2); and the anthology Dorothy Parker's Elbow: Tattoos on Writers, Writers on Tattoos,, co-edited with Cheryl Dumesnil.
I teach poetry workshops at conferences and online through my web site. I also play blues harmonica, and I'm learning jazz flute. Music is a good place to focus when I'm in a writing slump.
2016 publications: Mortal Trash, new poems, from W.W. Norton, awarded the Paterson Poetry Prize. A memoir, Bukowski in a Sundress: Confessions from a Writing Life, from Penguin.
Two instructional books on writing poetry: The Poet's Companion (with Dorianne Laux), and Ordinary Genius: A Guide for the Poet Within.
First novel, Little Beauties, was published by Simon & Schuster and chosen as "Best Book of the Month" by Book of the Month Club. My Dreams Out in the Street, second novel, released by Simon & Schuster in 2007.
A new word/music CD, "My Black Angel, "is a collaboration with several musicians and contains all the poems in the book of that name. That and an earlier word/music CD with poet Susan Browne, "Swearing, Smoking, Drinking, & Kissing," available from cdbaby.com. There's an earlier book of stories, In the Box Called Pleasure (FC2); and the anthology Dorothy Parker's Elbow: Tattoos on Writers, Writers on Tattoos,, co-edited with Cheryl Dumesnil.
I teach poetry workshops at conferences and online through my web site. I also play blues harmonica, and I'm learning jazz flute. Music is a good place to focus when I'm in a writing slump.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews
June 5, 2017
“I am deliriously happy, and I am hurting everyone.”
“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.”--Dorothy Parker
I was hoping for a more coherent memoir, but got this still honest and painful and moving and hilarious and exasperating collection of essays by the amazing poet Addonizio. Titles include “How to Succeed in Po Biz,” “How to Stop Drinking so Much,” “Pants on Fire,” “All Manner of Obscene Things,” and “How to be a Dirty, Dirty Whore.” I laughed aloud several times and shook my head in admiration for how well she can write. She writes mainly about sex and drinking and writing, but she also writes movingly about her dying mother, her passionate love for her daughter, and her consistent failures with men. It’s searingly honest, in essays such as “Pants on Fire” that notes all the lies and half-truths she has told in her poetry, such as:
“My heart is not a ‘Mississippi chicken shack.’” ☺
Addonizio tells lies to tell the truth.
Writing advice: “Know the difference between its and it's, between lay and lie: you lay the form rejection slip on the table: you lie on the bed filled with the anguish of self-doubt and feeling of utter worthlessness."
and
“It is crucial not to win the major award, because then you might feel too great a sense of achievement. Be a finalist, but not a winner. This will keep you forever unsure of the scope of your talent, and you will be able to continue the habits of excruciating self-doubt and misery
that stood you in such good stead during the many years you received no recognition at all. “
Apparently one critic derided Addonizio as “Bukowski in a Sundress” and it fits. So she owns it.
Addonizio is very clear about her writing “process” as including a lot of watching of movies and drinking and partying, self-loathing, drugs, boredom, guilt for sharing family secrets and sex with all manner of men and more drinking and rejection and sometimes success. She goes through a lot of suffering and makes it clear it is her own damned fault.
Addonizio drinks, tries to stop, describes the joys of drinking in soaring, completely convincing terms, and also convincingly the times when drinking has created bad decisions that have ruined her life. But she keeps writing amazing, sometimes confessional, poetry. And these essays, documenting it all, the good and the bad, in darkly funny tones.
The writing is great and hilarious and infuriating. It’s not usually deep; she goes usually for the joke, the light versus the deeply insightful. It is worth reading but read the poetry first. Tell Me, What is This Thing Called Love. Awesome. I will say about this collection that it is best read one essay at a time instead of powering through it, because there is a certain repetition to the themes that could get tiresome. They did just a bit for me. Not quite to the point of boring, but okay, already!
“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.”--Dorothy Parker
I was hoping for a more coherent memoir, but got this still honest and painful and moving and hilarious and exasperating collection of essays by the amazing poet Addonizio. Titles include “How to Succeed in Po Biz,” “How to Stop Drinking so Much,” “Pants on Fire,” “All Manner of Obscene Things,” and “How to be a Dirty, Dirty Whore.” I laughed aloud several times and shook my head in admiration for how well she can write. She writes mainly about sex and drinking and writing, but she also writes movingly about her dying mother, her passionate love for her daughter, and her consistent failures with men. It’s searingly honest, in essays such as “Pants on Fire” that notes all the lies and half-truths she has told in her poetry, such as:
“My heart is not a ‘Mississippi chicken shack.’” ☺
Addonizio tells lies to tell the truth.
Writing advice: “Know the difference between its and it's, between lay and lie: you lay the form rejection slip on the table: you lie on the bed filled with the anguish of self-doubt and feeling of utter worthlessness."
and
“It is crucial not to win the major award, because then you might feel too great a sense of achievement. Be a finalist, but not a winner. This will keep you forever unsure of the scope of your talent, and you will be able to continue the habits of excruciating self-doubt and misery
that stood you in such good stead during the many years you received no recognition at all. “
Apparently one critic derided Addonizio as “Bukowski in a Sundress” and it fits. So she owns it.
Addonizio is very clear about her writing “process” as including a lot of watching of movies and drinking and partying, self-loathing, drugs, boredom, guilt for sharing family secrets and sex with all manner of men and more drinking and rejection and sometimes success. She goes through a lot of suffering and makes it clear it is her own damned fault.
Addonizio drinks, tries to stop, describes the joys of drinking in soaring, completely convincing terms, and also convincingly the times when drinking has created bad decisions that have ruined her life. But she keeps writing amazing, sometimes confessional, poetry. And these essays, documenting it all, the good and the bad, in darkly funny tones.
The writing is great and hilarious and infuriating. It’s not usually deep; she goes usually for the joke, the light versus the deeply insightful. It is worth reading but read the poetry first. Tell Me, What is This Thing Called Love. Awesome. I will say about this collection that it is best read one essay at a time instead of powering through it, because there is a certain repetition to the themes that could get tiresome. They did just a bit for me. Not quite to the point of boring, but okay, already!
December 6, 2016
I’m a big fan of Kim Addonizio’s poetry, so I was very excited to read this memoir-in-essays. I scoffed at the back-cover blurb—a cross between Mary Karr and Amy Schumer? Give me break, marketers will say anything these days—and dove in. And then was immediately brought up short by the tone of this. The fact is, I was expecting these essays to fall more on the Mary Karr side of things, and instead they really did fall more on the Amy Schumer side: very light, with lots of talk of drinking, men, and sexual conquests. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, really—it just wasn’t what I was expecting. I took a little break and returned to the book with adjusted expectations, and in the end I found it delightful. True, there was a lot of silly stuff in here, but also some genuinely moving chapters about her mother, and some interesting insights into her creative process. And the silly stuff, once I got used to it, was amusing and sometimes endearing. This is not going to change your life, but if you’re a fan of Kim Addonizio’s poetry, Bukowski in a Sundress is worth the read.
May 6, 2016
Kim Addonizio grabs your sleeve and tugs you with brutal passion through her raw and vicious life. With unflinching sincerity, we soar through vignettes of unforgiving, brutal beauty wrapped in humorous observation and savage honesty. Kim has a knack of undressing sentimentality and revealing the naked ache of poignancy underneath.
This stunning little slice of inspection, retrospection and deconstruction bites you, nibbles you, spits you out, and begs you to mourn and love and fail and triumph vibrantly. It's by turns a memoir and acerbic writing guide - the kind that informs how much your writing is, indeed, probably very terrible; but that's okay, because we're all exquisite little broken charms carving up our own empire of loss and fragmented grace.
This stunning little slice of inspection, retrospection and deconstruction bites you, nibbles you, spits you out, and begs you to mourn and love and fail and triumph vibrantly. It's by turns a memoir and acerbic writing guide - the kind that informs how much your writing is, indeed, probably very terrible; but that's okay, because we're all exquisite little broken charms carving up our own empire of loss and fragmented grace.
January 11, 2017
I've always known Addonizio as a poet. As one of my favorites. The poem that got me hooked was the first--"First Poem for You," a modern sonnet that was sexy and full of darkness and wonder. I remember thinking--holy shit, poetry can be like this? I was nineteen, I found it in a Poetry anthology for my first-ever Poetry class in college (and definitely not the last...)
Indeed. So I've always known Kim Addonizio as a poet--Tell Me, What is This Thing Called Love, Lucifer at the Starlite. And I've bought them all and taken my time reading them the way you do with your favorite writers. I even scooped up Ordinary Genius and The Poet's Companion, because I once fancied myself a poet. So imagine my delight in seeing a memoir/collection of essays.
Holy shit this woman. I hope you like your wine deep red and dry and your chocolate dark and bitter. In memoir, she's just as unflinching and forthright and sad and funny as Mary Karr and Joan Didion. She writes about her mother's death, her lovers, writing and all the ways it skins you, her failed marriages and fumbles in motherhood, all her imperfect attempts to be a human.
Sometimes it's not easy to read because it's too honest, and I like writing like that. Brava, Kim. Brava.
Indeed. So I've always known Kim Addonizio as a poet--Tell Me, What is This Thing Called Love, Lucifer at the Starlite. And I've bought them all and taken my time reading them the way you do with your favorite writers. I even scooped up Ordinary Genius and The Poet's Companion, because I once fancied myself a poet. So imagine my delight in seeing a memoir/collection of essays.
Holy shit this woman. I hope you like your wine deep red and dry and your chocolate dark and bitter. In memoir, she's just as unflinching and forthright and sad and funny as Mary Karr and Joan Didion. She writes about her mother's death, her lovers, writing and all the ways it skins you, her failed marriages and fumbles in motherhood, all her imperfect attempts to be a human.
Sometimes it's not easy to read because it's too honest, and I like writing like that. Brava, Kim. Brava.
September 26, 2016
I can't begin to say how happy this memoir made me! I picked it up from piles of books I kept starting and stopping and this one was not only a joy to read, but I was drinking beer and moved to wine, which is never a good idea, but I felt compelled by that kickass cover! Not only is this beauty right on the mark on writing and conferences, but I had just finished cleaning my kitty litter box and was thinking of what I could do next when mid-sentence in a story. I am thankful that Addonizio is here on the planet, writing her unparalleled poetry and prose. If you haven't read her work, get it! She is no bulls*** and a gunslinger of the written word! This is a book anyone who is writing must read! YES, YES, and YES! GET IT!
July 1, 2016
Compulsively read this over a day and a half--really enjoyed. It is poetic and volatile and beautiful at once, with a great weaving of discussion regarding an author's inner life and the sometimes ridiculous expectations of the publishing and academic worlds. <3
April 15, 2021
This book was my introduction to Kim Addonizio. I mistakenly thought this was a poetry book, but no matter, I’ve now decided she’s someone I want to read a lot more of. In this book of personal essays, I particularly liked her poignant thoughts on caring for an elderly parent, offerings on the writing life, and confessions of falling for a younger man. She holds nothing back. I may have found a new favorite author.
August 17, 2016
So many truths about writing and life and loneliness, falling in and out of love.
"Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living, but an article in the newspaper explained that people who seldom examine their lives are happier. Realize that most writers live overexamined lives."
"Still, here's how I've found writing sometimes works: if you are madly avoiding one genre, your imagination may suddenly kick in elsewhere."
"This is another thing happiness does: convinces you that your life is about to end."
"Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living, but an article in the newspaper explained that people who seldom examine their lives are happier. Realize that most writers live overexamined lives."
"Still, here's how I've found writing sometimes works: if you are madly avoiding one genre, your imagination may suddenly kick in elsewhere."
"This is another thing happiness does: convinces you that your life is about to end."
July 19, 2016
Smart, sexy, passionate, brash, and gritty. At times hilarious, at times tender. Any fan of Addonizio’s poetry and fiction will love this memoir, too — from the joys and frustrations of a writing life to the love and heartbreak of just living. It’s all here in this mesmerizing essay collection. You won’t want to put it down.
July 13, 2016
There were some pretty turns of phrase, but the author is a little smug and annoying
2.5
2.5
August 1, 2016
Only my third 5 star review, after Jonathen Franzen's The Corrections, and Ulysses, of course.
August 29, 2016
Sharply written, revealing, sometimes to the point of embarrassment, and yet the author's sharing of the life of an active writer is useful and strong.
September 1, 2017
isn't as bad as the title would suggest. i actually love her poetry. but i've been reading some really stellar memoirs recently and this is not one of them.
March 6, 2024
Kim Addonizio is a fascinating person, even when reading about her life feels like watching a car crash. I liked the way she wrote about drinking, about writers going to paid readings in rural places, and about her family. The gimmicky essays like “Necrophilia” and all the 2nd person writing weren’t my thing, but overall this collection was so smart and sharp.
July 2, 2021
A fine read with occasionally exceptional lines such as - "You drive out River Road, past the mansions stranded on enormous green lawns, stoned and eating pastries stuffed with red jelly, laughing like battery-powered witch puppets."
May 4, 2025
A solid collection of short stories from post/writer Kim Addonizio. Mostly memoir and words on writing. My favorites are the ones about Kim and her mother - and also a few about love and lovers.
February 21, 2021
Kim Addonizio has quickly become one of my favorite writers. Whether it be memoir, poetry, or a book on craft she is witty, snarky and wonderful to read.
October 2, 2023
Such a fun read!! Full of witticisms on life and what it is to be a writer. Being a poet, her sentences are wonderfully written and her introspections are cutting. What a life! Also, it was sweet whenever she mentioned her daughter Aya Cash, who I was a fan of first through her role in You're the Worst. This was a brutal realistic take on what it is to be a working writer; no sugarcoating here! May be my favorite book on the writing life next to Stephen King's On Writing.
August 20, 2021
The wonderful right-here-now voice of this noted poet and poetry teacher in a series of short stories (memoir stories e.g. about her life). She is blunt, tells it all, a wonderful writer who can communicate so much more. I couldn't get enough and wanted the book to go on and on. And there is a dollop of good old Bukowski in her writing.....
January 9, 2017
I enjoyed this book of essays from the life of a contemporary poet. I've heard Kim Addonizio read, and play harmonica, but have not read much of her work. I admire her honesty, sense of humor, and how she portrays everyday life: visiting her mother in the nursing home, searching for love, the struggles of a poet to write, coming up with a keynote address, and the indignities writers are faced with on a regular basis.
She writes, "I would struggle to feel the deep joy in the mystery of change, not simply the terror and loss, and poetry would help with this."
She starts the essay Pants on Fire with this quote, "As a writer occasionally tarred with the brush of being a "confessional poet," feathered to disdain and once even tied to a maypole by roving bands of critics, I'd like to reveal a few transgressions to you here and now." Then she launches into some facts behind her poems. In fact, the title of this book is from a comment on her book that was up for a National Book Award. She quotes Bukowski, "An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard war. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way." She looked him up since she had read little of his work.
She has a wicked sense of humor, a big heart, and grapples with the everyday problems of survival like all the other poets and writers I know.
She writes, "I would struggle to feel the deep joy in the mystery of change, not simply the terror and loss, and poetry would help with this."
She starts the essay Pants on Fire with this quote, "As a writer occasionally tarred with the brush of being a "confessional poet," feathered to disdain and once even tied to a maypole by roving bands of critics, I'd like to reveal a few transgressions to you here and now." Then she launches into some facts behind her poems. In fact, the title of this book is from a comment on her book that was up for a National Book Award. She quotes Bukowski, "An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard war. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way." She looked him up since she had read little of his work.
She has a wicked sense of humor, a big heart, and grapples with the everyday problems of survival like all the other poets and writers I know.
August 11, 2016
In this memoir, poet Kim Addonizio offers glimpses of her upbringing, her writing work, her struggles, and her demons, along with a generous taste of her unique, wonderfully accessible writing talent. She draws the title "Bukowski in a Sundress" from a shallow comparison a National Book Award judge once made, based on the fact that Addonizio's work also includes a fair amount of sex and booze, just like Bukowski's However, she gets a pretty funny essay out of it--one of my favorites in this collection. I also really enjoyed Addonizio's essays about her declining mother, a one-time tennis star now confined to assisted living, and later, a psych ward. They're full of bleakness and guilt on both sides, but also a lot of love and forgiveness. I also appreciate Addonizio's consistent message to aspiring writers about the "writing life": Don't pursue this gig because of any perceived glamour or glory. (There probably won't be any.) Don't dream you'll do it someday when you have time. (You won't.) Don't imagine that anyone is asking for you to tell your stories/share your brilliance. (They aren't.) Only write if you just absolutely can't help yourself, and if that's the case, make it your work.
July 26, 2016
I've been a fan of Addonizio's poetry ever since college. It led me to reading her lovely novels and to teaching her poems to my creative students (they always go over well). This book is definitely a good read for an Addonizio fan. It has the same wit, sharpness, and depth as her other works. She works particularly well in the personal essay form.
Overall though, the use of the how-to or list form with second person got a bit redundant (so maybe this is a 3.5 review). But I was certainly charmed and entertained by them at first because she works so well in that specific form. "How to Succeed in Po Biz" is great. I laughed out loud a few times. A lot of the essays on writing would be a fun read for writers and students alike--I'm thinking of adding them to my syllabus. Her more personal essays on family and relationships were bitingly beautiful too, and I would assume thus more relatable for nonwriter readers. Overall, fun and inspiring read.
Overall though, the use of the how-to or list form with second person got a bit redundant (so maybe this is a 3.5 review). But I was certainly charmed and entertained by them at first because she works so well in that specific form. "How to Succeed in Po Biz" is great. I laughed out loud a few times. A lot of the essays on writing would be a fun read for writers and students alike--I'm thinking of adding them to my syllabus. Her more personal essays on family and relationships were bitingly beautiful too, and I would assume thus more relatable for nonwriter readers. Overall, fun and inspiring read.
February 7, 2017
How happy I am that this book exists and I can read it whenever I need it - and this time around, I desperately needed it. Thank heaven for Kim.
October 27, 2023
picked this up on a whim cause it was a dollar at a campus book sale, not expecting much. it's very much a product of it's time (published in 2016) in the sense of the girlboss feminism throughout. there were some moments where i found the writing beautiful-Addonizio is a poet after all-but those moments were few and far between. still on of my favorite titles ever though.
best essays: A Word of It, Simple Christian Charity, and What Writers Do All Day
best essays: A Word of It, Simple Christian Charity, and What Writers Do All Day
January 28, 2024
Addonizio compares her writing to Bukowski, yet admits she’s never even read his work. I found her writing to be aimless and dull, with random witty remarks scattered throughout. I forced myself to get through this book, despite its lack of substance. If anyone is considering giving this book a shot, I recommend dropping the sundress and just read Bukowksi instead.
August 13, 2016
At 62, Addonizio behaves and thinks like a troubled teen - which is not at all interesting to read about. I read this book for a work-related assignment, regretting all along the hours I will never get back.
December 17, 2019
Maybe it is my interest in topics, but I thought this book was very uneven--- some stories were delicious and others lacked the seasoning.. (too salty) in the end
Not a bad read... made me interested to read her poetry... but not enough to by a book of her poetry
Not a bad read... made me interested to read her poetry... but not enough to by a book of her poetry
March 7, 2022
Excessive drinking, random sex, self doubt, self destruction. What might seem edgy at 30 (or even 40) feels thirsty and try-hard at 60. This collection has a few beautiful essays ("Flu Shot") but mostly it's exhausting.
July 9, 2016
This memoir told in a collection of essays is raw, honest, funny, smart and tightly written. I loved it and can say that I am in awe, jealous and aspiring to be half the writer this woman is.
July 17, 2016
I guess when you have nothing to write you write this and hope people read it. Could have/should have stopped at second chapter.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews