A Different Beautiful: Discovering and Celebrating Beauty in Places You Never Expected

by Courtney Westlake

When Courtney Westlake’s family was given the shocking news that their daughter, Brenna, was born in 2011 with a severe, life-threatening skin disorder, they began to discover a new and different beautiful in their lives–one that values extraordinary differences and appreciates the wonderful sameness found in humanity. In  A Different Beautiful , Courtney explores what her family has discovered in raising a child with physical differences and what she has learned about true beauty. Through her personal insights and experiences, Courtney shares how you, too, can learn to find and celebrate God’s version of beautiful in your life, especially within our differences and struggles.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Parenting, Memoir

222 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2016

Reviews

[ReadAlongWithSue recovering from a stroke★⋆. ࿐࿔ · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very very touching and emotional account from this author on the birth of her child who was born with a very rare skin disease that most die from.

She wasn’t expected to live.

Heartbreaking to thrills of joy.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok

This book is much less about the family and their daughter and more an opportunity for the author to ponder philosophical and spiritual questions. While I am a Christian and agree with many of her points, it wasn't quite what I was expecting when I picked it up. I actually wanted to know more about her daughter and her successes.

[MJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book left me feeling a rollercoaster of emotions. I don't personally know anyone with the skin condition that Brenna has but having lived with chronic illness I enjoy reading books about how others handle the multitude of issues. Let me start with the parts of the book that I enjoyed and agreed wholeheartedly with. It is so rare that I come across someone who agrees with my opinion of the use of the word "suffering". It was so refreshing to read that Mrs. Westlake had a similar feeling about how people always assume that just because times can be difficult and painful that does NOT mean that Brenna suffers (pg. 138). I also liked how Mrs. Westlake and her husband believe that their daughter is perfectly capable of understanding the difference between right and wrong and discipline her. So many parents of children with disabilities or chronic illnesses to go through life without discipline since they "already go through so much" (pgs. 190-191).
Unfortunately, there were a few aspects of this book that hurt my heart and even more that left me perplexed, hence the 3-star review. Let's start with something that was more annoying than anything else. I am a huge fan of empowering quotes but this book took quoting others to a whole new level. It was distracting to have the story go from the perspective of the author to quotes from her friends, acquaintances, or even quotes from books. At certain points, it was like the author couldn't find an example from her own life to make a point so she decided to quote others. I'm sure that it was supposed to help illustrate specific aspects to readers but for me, it was distracting. The second aspect that bothered me was the focus of chapter 15, "From the Inside Out" (pg. 129). As I mentioned at the beginning I have lived with a neuromuscular disorder and various chronic illnesses the majority of my life. Because of this, I have had a feeding tube for several years. Reading chapter 15 was like having my heart stomped on. The entire chapter focuses on how life-limiting a feeding tube was for their family. My health situation is very different from Breena's and I would never pretend to know what she goes through. However, the sweeping generalizations about life with a feeding made by the author made me angry. One of the lines that will probably stick with me for a very long time reads as follows "[The g-tube removal] was a success swirled with relief and joy that we celebrated every single day when we could sit down to dinner together as a family or when we could have a picnic outdoors without a feeding pump sharing the picnic blanket" (pg. 130). This line does a disservice to people who live with feeding tubes and even more so to families facing the decision of whether or not to have a feeding tube placed. Having a feeding tube doesn't limit ones ability to be an active participant in life. Having a feeding tube and the aforementioned pump doesn't keep anyone from being a part of picnics, swimming, shopping, dancing, trips to the beach, mountains, or anywhere in between. Yes, it may be true that many individuals who have feeding tubes cannot eat by mouth so going to restaurants may not be the best choice of a family activity but a picnic is an entirely different experience. Part of the fun, at least in my family, is playing with my cousins on the playground or the skate park or playing silly games both real and imaginary. My feeding tube and pump have never kept me from being an active participant in my life and Mrs. Westlake's portrayal of life with a feeding was misleading at best and flat-out insulting at worst. There were so many opportunities for her to say that she found the feeding tube and associated accoutrements difficult unpleasant and restrictive. Instead, she painted broad strokes throughout the chapter that their family's experience was universal and that is simply not true. I think one thing that will stick with me is how there was a common theme of embracing everyone's differences. In fact, the word "different" is used nearly 200 times in the book. Chapter 13 ends with this statement; "And I believe that once we start treating people with disabilities and differences as we do anyone else, we will help our children realize that indeed they are just like anyone else—each of us created by our great God as a different beautiful" (p. 118). Perhaps Mrs. Westlake should take her own advice when it comes to her sweeping generalizations about individuals who use feeding tubes. After all, I believe the Backstreet Boys said it best in their song, "What Makes You Different", when they say:
"What makes you different, makes you beautiful,
What's there inside you, shines through to me [...]
What makes you different, makes you beautiful [...]"

[Ginger Newingham · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Different Beautiful is a book mostly focusing on one mom's journey with other inspiring stories woven throughout. It's a short, easy read with such a powerful message; we all need to redefine beautiful in our lives.

The book is encouraging for those parents of children with special needs, as well as anyone else. The special needs community is the responsibility of us all. We must put down our judgements and educate ourselves and our children on what truly makes a person beautiful.

Courtney's writing style is clear and concise, but it drips with emotion as she recounts difficult and victorious moments in her daughter's journey. Courtney and her sweet Brenna possess a positive outlook on life, impacting everyone who meets them — physically or through the words of this book.

And we could all use more positivity in our lives, couldn't we?


[I received an advance copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. And in my typical fashion, this was written with a completely true representation of my feelings.]

[RoxFor · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started this book to learn about Brenna's condition and her triumphs over it. What I ended up with is a lifetime-worth of Sunday school classes and church sermons. NOT what I was looking for. Therefore, there were many many pages I did not read. I could not give it more than three stars. That being said, I plan to read this book again in its entirety as I glanced at some references that seemed they may be helpful.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've ever struggled to understand how something beautiful can come from something painful, you must read this book. Courtney tells a captivating story of her daughter's birth and rare skin condition. This is a story of courage, hope, and true beauty. She helps us understand how beauty is so much deeper than "skin deep."

[Chloe Taft · Rating 5 out of 5]

Courtney Westlake’s masterpiece, A Different Beautiful, transformed my perspective of the world and how I view others. Ever since they welcomed their daughter Brenna into the world, the Westlake family has pushed to show the world that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Brenna was born with harlequin ichthyosis. This disease makes it easier for Brenna to contract bacterial viruses and also harder to retain moisture in her skin. The Westlake family redefines the concept of beauty through Brenna’s story. Westlake’s purpose for writing this astounding memoir was to inform. She strives not only educate readers about the many differences that make each person unique, but also to instill a different vision of beauty into the minds of readers. Along with informing, Westlake additionally includes fragments of inspiration which gives readers a sense of encouragement to be the change in the world. Courtney Westlake’s vision is to spread the message of focusing not on outward appearances, but on the heart.

The Westlake family was completely transformed when they welcomed Brenna into their lives. Not only did Brenna change the way their family handles everyday life, but she also shifted their way of thinking. They quickly discovered that God’s definition of beauty contrasted with the world’s definition. Courtney exemplified this change by stating, “ . . . what we first grieve as a loss or disappointment in our lives eventually reveals itself as a beautiful experience if we open our eyes to recognizing how God is present and is sharing Himself in all kinds of ways. . .” (Westlake 70). Courtney Westlake discovered that beauty can be defined in many different ways and that it does not always look the same. The theme of this book is beauty can be found everywhere and it comes in all sorts forms.

As readers journey their way through this unforgettable memoir, they reveal Westlake’s style when writing A Different Beautiful. Her style was narrative. Courtney told the unique story of her beloved daughter Brenna, who was born with harlequin ichthyosis. A Different Beautiful unravels Brenna’s story piece by piece which helps prove that it is a narration. The narrative style in which Courtney Westlake writes proves highly effective. Westlake invited readers to walk side-by-side their family, as they experienced some of the most crucial times in Brenna’s life. Readers get the opportunity to express real emotions while traveling through the story, and these feelings help prove the effectiveness of the style. This quote from the novel helps prove the effectiveness by stating, “Often mothers will share with me how Brenna’s story has helped changed their perspective regarding special-needs parenting and differences” (219). Westlake portrays real emotions throughout this story and many readers feel personally connected with the Westlake family after reading A Different Beautiful.

This book was truly a blessing. Not only did it broaden my view on people with disabilities, but it encouraged me to look beyond an individual’s differences. I now have a better understanding of how it feels to have a disability, and that a “disability” should never be the first thing I notice about a person. I absolutely loved Courtney Westlake’s testimonies and the way she showed readers how it felt to be judged based on mere appearance. This memoir has deeply touched my heart, and I will forever focus on the unique beauty of a person, instead of judging by their differences. I personally would not change anything about this book, and I would definitely recommended it to others. Although not sharing the same message, this book closely relates to Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis.

[Carly Findlay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by Courtney Westlake mum of Brenna, who has Ichthyosis - the same skin condition as me, A Different Beautiful is a journey of raising a child with Ichthyosis. I found it to focus on religion more than Ichthyosis, but it has some good messages about how to talk to children about visible difference.

This passage was my favourite of the book, I related a lot.

“More times than I can count, I have been thrilled when a family has approached us who has recognized us from social media, wanting to say hello… only to be dismayed when that family’s children stand back and furrow their brows at Brenna’s appearance. It is clear that although the mother has apparently enjoyed reading about our daughter and seeing our family’s photos online, she never took the time to share with her children. Often mothers will share with me how Brenna’s story has helped changed their perspective regarding special-needs parenting and differences, but then, it is obvious by the confused reactions of their kids that they haven’t yet thought to pass those lessons on to their children. If we allow stories and experiences to inspire us for a moment, or even to begin changing our hearts, but we don’t take the time to show our children and teach our children about these new perspectives, we are missing the point. If it starts and stops with us, we will never see real and lasting change in the hearts of those around us and in the way our children see themselves and treat others.”

These resources I’ve collared are so needed because, as parents tell me, their children with Ichthyosis are still being teased and excluded at school. It might well be because parents aren’t talking to their kids about appearance diversity.

Courtney is a beautiful writer, she gets across important messages of inclusion with kindness. She has been telling Brenna's story online for some years - I look forward to reading or hearing Brenna's story in her own voice one day.

[Haley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such an amazing story about the Westlake family and the lessons they have learned while adjusting to the news that their daughter has a skin condition called Harlequin Ichthyosis. I appreciated Courtney's honesty as she discussed topics such as the judgments, the stares, how to teach your children to react to differences, and the definition of beauty. This book was so uplifting, and I admired Courtney's faith, gratitude and praise of God. I learned a lot from her attitude and experience, especially the importance of teaching your children about beautiful and choosing kindness. (I highlighted many quotes on my kindle!) My only reason for giving it 4 instead of 5 stars is because I wanted more of the day-to-day living in addition to her philosophical thoughts. The book begins with Courtney's experience in the hospital and how Brenna almost died when she was around 2 days old. She discusses the priest coming to baptize Brenna because they thought she would die and then doesn't finish the story! I thought after the different direction Courtney takes the story, that she would come back to that moment and explain what the next several days looked like. How did Brenna survive? Courtney touches on more day-to-day living when Brenna is around 4 years old--the laundry, the finger grease stains from the lotion, etc. which I found so interesting and wished there was more of that throughout the book. Overall, it was a powerful read.

[Karla Renee Goforth Abreu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Through the necessity of dealing with chronic difficulties the author has embraced the hardships and instead of negatives has turned them into positives. It is an inspiring read and the narrative is captivating as it explains the emergency birth and discovery of this little known disease the baby was born with.
There are times the author is repetitive, which unnecessarily lengthens the book. Also, while she makes a truthful case for embracing differences, it often “felt” like she was misunderstanding the people who have not had any information or knowledge of her daughter’s condition. To be sure, not every person who takes a second glance or smiles or begins an inquiring conversation is malevolent. I feel sure that the intention was not to, in turn, be judgmental as she rallies against that mindset and behavior. At times she does seem to focus on the looks of her daughter and her own sensitivities rather that the tolerance and compassion she is advocating for.
Nevertheless, the “tone” of the writing, in some instances, does not negate that there is a good message of encouragement. There are a few places an insight was highlighted as I read. “Beautiful is a way of being and a way of living...”

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome!

Perhaps one of the more thought-provoking books I've read in a long while, A Different Kind of Beautiful is a wonderful story about a young family who faces serious health challenges with the birth of their second child. Brenna is born with ichthyosis, a life-altering and potentially life-threatening skin condition. Within the words of their family story, Courtney Westlake weaves a dynamic philosophy of love, acceptance and true beauty. She includes a lot of Scripture and Godly wisdom. I guarantee that your outlook on the importances of life will be altered after reading their story.

[Kathleen Kinman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read book!

Every single individual would greatly be altered by reading and applying the words in this book. I have learned so much about being truly beautiful. About how to react to others no matter what the situation. Each of us is made in the image of God. Image has much more meaning than looks. It is the true us that can be reached through growing with what God can teach us through others. Courtney Westlake is so full of inspiration, encouragement and challenge to be what God made us to be. Thank you Courtney for helping me see the beauty in everyone and everything around me. You have truly blessed my life.

[Sandra Nay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book moved me greatly. It is the story of a family who had a baby girl born with a severe skin problem. Her skin grew so thick and so fast that they had to daily soak of the top layer of skin over her entire body. They also had to keep her skin moist, if not her skin would crack with deep painfully lesions. Courtney Westlake uses examples from Breanna’s life to share life lessons with you. I was amazed at Courney’s deep faith. Her whole family trusted God with such devotion through all of Breanna’s life. I highly recommended this book.

[Jessilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried in the beginning and a little in the middle and more at the end. Though I can personally relate to many of the experiences the author talks about, I still feel that every parent needs to read this book (not only parents of kids with special needs). There are tons of parenting books out there and no, this isn’t marketed at all as a parenting book, but there is so much wisdom here that every parent needs to hear and implement in their homes. I like how the author brings in stories from other people, especially parents, sharing their words and experiences. This is a great, easy read!

[Stacy Atherton Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I discovered this book through an interview of the author with Sarah Mackenzie on the Read-Aloud Revival podcast. It was a quick read, but definitely worth my time. Courtney Westlake describes her experiences raising a daughter with a rare skin disease and how it has affected her life and outlook and attitude, as well as her faith. She discusses the reactions of strangers and how it makes her (and her family members) feel as a result, which was very interesting for me to read and learn. I really enjoyed this book.

[Allison Pickett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Courtney's life is changed when her daughter was born with a rare and life-threatening skin disorder. Her and her family have all their ideas and perspectives flipped on their heads about what it means to have a special needs child and what beauty is truly about. The stories were fascinating and her approach toward raising her children in a harsh world is inspiring. I can't imagine anyone walking away from this book without having learned something new.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. The mother of a little girl born with a rare skin disorder reminds the reader to see beauty with our heart and not with our eyes. Each chapter has a great lesson. Chapter 8, 9, 11, 13, 19, 21, and 23 are ones that I have reread. This book is an easy read, so rereading the entire book or just chapters at a time is very doable. Be kind to everyone you meet. We are more alike than we are different.

[Witty · Rating 2 out of 5]

It took me 4 months to dnf this. And it feels wrong to give something so personal 2 stars. But I wanted more about the author and her family, her daughter's experience of growing up with her skin disorder, not puzzle piece illustrations fit for a youth group sermon.

The parts about her actual life were very interesting. The philosophizing was boring and nothing you haven't heard before if you grew up in church.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved reading this book after following Courtney on IG for awhile. One of the most valuable aspects of this book is giving examples of how to reach out to someone who's different and you're afraid of saying the wrong thing, or being rude, or uncaring. And also how to teach your kiddos to do this as well. The Lord gets the glory and He is working such good out for this family. Enjoyed the book!

[Shana · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful way to look at life!

This book brought home so many similar experiences having a daughter that had brain cancer. She is now 23 and will never have her hair back, or hearing in her right ear or seeing in her right eye. But we choose Beautiful in all of the things that pertain to her life. It is a beautiful life in spite of trials!

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mind Blowing!

This book is an absolute must read. It will give you a whole new attitude towards pain and suffering, as well as what some would call a “tragic” birth defect, but what the author calls “A Different Beautiful”. I honestly don’t see how anyone can sit in their self pity after reading this. It is one of the most uplifting and inspiring books I’ve read in years.

[Angie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Boring lecture

Aside from the tiny bit about Brenna, the rest was just the author telling everyone how to think. I agree with most of what she said, but can't understand how this book could possibly be said to be about raising Brenna and the family's journey to understand her issues and how to see the world differently. Quite unimpressed.

[Kathy Dryden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love and Gratitude

If you can remember God's command to love one another you can be happy and inspiring to all you come across. We are all His masterpieces and being different doesn't change our worth in His eyes or in one another's eyes. This book shows how we all can make this world a great place to live and learn.

[Donna Engler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye Opening

This book taught me a lot. It was very well written and a touching story of a sweet little girl and her family. Thank you for teaching me a good lesson on not judging a book by its cover. There is definitely beauty in everyone.

[LESLIE eKIN · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written. Seeing God's beauty and purpose in all things.

Very descriptive about loving and living with a beautiful gift from God in all circumstances and
Understanding the goodness of God .

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read

A good read overall. I follow the author on instagram.
I wish there had been more about the family and less about other people. If I wanted to read about the others, I would look them up individually.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely beautiful. I will treasure the wisdom in this book and allow God to use it to reshape my own heart and the way I teach/treasure my children. Thank you, Courtney, for sharing your story, and thank you, Brenna, for being a beautiful inspiration.

[Susanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love, acceptance, and kindness

The vulnerability and transparency of the author encourages me to heed her words to transform myself and my daughters to see beyond the surface and find beautiful in everything and everyone, and how God is in all of it.

[Laurel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book about how one family embraces the challenges of having a child w/ a life-threatening skin disease.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent story

This is an excellent story. It helps us understand the differences and the similarities between us all. I highly recommend.