Table Manners: How to Behave in the Modern World and Why Bother

by Jeremiah Tower, Libby VanderPloeg (Illustrator)

An authoritative and witty guide to modern table manners for all occasions by one of the world’s most acclaimed chefs and restaurateurs

When can you photograph your food?
What do you do when you’re running late?
What can you eat with your hands?

Are you the guest who runs late and texts real-time updates? The diner with allergies or the host trying to accommodate them? The social media addict who can’t put your phone down at the restaurant? Whether your manners are a disaster or you simply need some fine-tuning, here is an authoritative and witty guide to table manners for everyone and every occasion.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Food, Lifestyle

160 pages, Hardcover

First published October 25, 2016

Reviews

[Connie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read for the millennials that don't know how to behave like a grown up. Good information with a chapter about mobile phone use.

[Shae · Rating 3 out of 5]

A small, quick read. I went through it right after I had hosted Thanksgiving, so that helped me to compare Jeremiah Tower's points to a very recent, concrete example of hosting.

Wondering why you should bother with table manners? It really only comes up in the introduction: "I have found that when people approve of your table manners they think you know how to do everything else properly as well. That is how you enlist them to your side. . . . "

I found the chapter on eating at restaurants the most eye opening, and appreciate that Tower gave pointers to both the host and the guest in a restaurant situation. Beside that, the leading principle is about making the people around you feel comfortable and using common sense when deciding what is good manners or not.

[Graeme · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good little book! Readable, witty, and wise, with stylish illustrations, it is up-to-date, global in scope, and tolerant of modern technology. There are people who love going to parties, adore dining with friends, whether at home or in restaurants, and inexplicably enjoy the company of others. They should buy this book, and keep it in the bathroom for amusement and reference. It will not make a boor into a paragon of manners, but it might help the unschooled and confused, and that includes most of us.

My favorite advice, particularly apt for Americans, under the heading "Volume" is:

If you want the best service and want to behave well, keep your voice down to the level of the best behaved local people in the restaurant.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a surprisingly interesting read. There's a large discussion about social media and when it is acceptable to use and when it's not. There is also a section titled 'Pretentious or Not' which was funny and entertaining. There are also funny exceptions, like the fact that it may be okay to slather a warm muffin with butter and eat half of it in one bite just because warm muffins are fantastic and other people will understand.

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is not at all what I was expecting. It was a formal book for how to behave in formal situations. The cover was so inviting and fun that I expected a different book. I expected more discussion about how the world and dining have changed with the rise of technology and social media, but instead this was a prescriptive little book.

[Cory · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a very quick read, and I did learn some things about etiquette. It wasn't very exciting, though, and a lot of the situations don't/won't apply to me.

[Bookworm · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good if you need a brush up or don't know much about it. Can't remember why I wanted to read this but I needed a "light" book after reading a rather heavy one. It's what it says on the tin: table manners in the modern world. Covering everything how to eat certain items to how to handle different types of gatherings to when it's okay to use your devices, etc., this can be a handy guide.
 
That said, how helpful this is to you will probably vary on what you already know, where you are eating, etc. If you're someone who has probably navigated similar gatherings I'm not sure you'd get much out of this. But if you're say a graduate (high school, college) who has to navigate the non-school world of parties, gatherings, etc., someone who is new to the US (the author lives in Mexico and while I'm not very familiar with non-US dining customs there is a section on tipping, doggie bags, etc. that I don't think are very common outside of the US) and so forth. 
 
That's about it. It's a relatively short book so it'd probably make a really good graduation/going away gift. Would recommend the library otherwise, unless you need a brush up.

[Katra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Covers it all with a bit of wit.

[Maddelline · Rating 3 out of 5]

o lectură ușoară și amuzantă despre ce înseamnă bunele maniere la masă

[Nora · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll admit it. I grabbed this up a the library because the cover caught my eye and it was such a handy size. I also liked the idea of looking at manners and what they mean in this technological age. It was more practical than philosophical but enjoyable nonetheless. Some of the tips are basic common sense, but others were not. All in all a good book to refer back to if ever invited to dine with the Queen.

[Tammie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Illuminating, there's a number of things I have yet to learn about etiquette, but you got to start somewhere. It's a great introductory guide for anyone intending to host a formal party, dinner or cocktail event with high flyers. It's always good to be well-mannered.

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy read written with humor and an obvious interest in ensuring all people have good manners and a good time. If you have an hour or two to spare, you'll enjoy the book.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting to see a dining etiquette book written by a chef!

[Mel Yu · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't really get that much out of this book, though I appreciate the attempt at a quick guide. I definitely agree with "Why bother?"

[Rachelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

This author shares his own story of why manners matter. This, along with his brief conclusion, was probably my favorite part of the book. The first section was helpful, as he strikes a generous and modern balance, seeking practicality over pretense, with the end goal of any practice ALWAYS being the comfort and pleasant experience of those around you. Rather than throwing out all customs for the sake of unshackling from snobbery, he attends to the reasons behind various practices and why to hold on to some and let go of others.

While I appreciate his philosophy and tone, only about half of his material is relevant to my circumstances or those of a young adult entering the world on their own (my intention for reading was to locate a primer of sorts). First, since moving to a small town, I rarely, if ever, find myself in many of the situations he describes...in particular, the many hosting guidelines regarding hired servers, butlers, coat check, etc. or invitations to strangers for multi-course dining. (However, in a former life, I would have appreciated some of his insight.) Secondly, his attention to alcohol seemed a bit overbearing. I'd say a third of the advice given focused on this, and much of his suggestions for ease in conversation, moving along from conversations, etc. relied on alcohol as a prop or excuse...again, not appropriate to hand a senior in high school as a graduation gift, though not necessarily unhelpful.

Overall, the brief investment of time in reading this little volume was not wasted. However, it's not a book I'd recommend as a primer for modern etiquette. I'm going to keep looking. :)

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was… not really modern, updated, or real-life. It was about 80% simplified old-school manners, and 20% common sense. The stuff that seemed useful, I already know; the stuff I didn’t, wasn’t particularly useful — at least not at the kind of parties I go to. If you’re going to the kind of upscale parties this guy’s writing about, you should already know everything in this book, or else you should go find something more comprehensive.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t struggle to finish, and the writing was engaging enough. I just felt like I was reading Downton Abbey fanfiction.

Read it if you like fancy parties and/or Downton Abbey. Look elsewhere if you’re looking for practical, down-to-earth advice.

[Jes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent, brief primer for anyone who needs to get some manners fast. The illustrations are hilarious, the text has a little snark to help you remember why you should behave the way the book recommends. Overall, it says a lot of what you (should) already know but it also tells you a lot of what you don't (fish forks & knives, consommes, finger bowls, etc.). I doubt I'll need to brush up again anytime soon, but this will be my first choice when I'm invited to a fancy, multiple course dinner.

[Sara Lim · Rating 5 out of 5]

A modern chic but sufficient approach to table manners. I can really imagine myself becoming a high flying modern chic woman in the IT sector when reading this book. Not your old rich etiquette book but a cool younger and modern version to that. Don't mislabel this book as inferior to those old rich etiquette book, high flying woman do also live high end lifestyles. The in text illustrations and book cover are absolutely beautiful also.

[Malvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is short and easy to read, yet it does cover everything I need to know about table manner, like how to throw a party, how to carry a conversation, how to handle awkward situation, and everything in between. The author knows how to make a point in just a short paragraph or two.

I consider myself socially awkward, but I get a lot confidence now whether I need to go to a networking event or I am going to host my own party.

[Ted Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that many of us could do with reading and probably as a quick reference on the shelf. Accessible and honest a chance encounter on a library shelf proved to be worth the brief amount of time it took me to read the book.
Beyond manners, Tower has written a reminder that the world is simply a more pleasant place if we treat each other well and are willing to act just a bit selflessly.

[Sep · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lighthearted but accurate presentation of manners that could be a fun read for any age but might be helpful to anyone who might need to know which fork to use or what to do with chopsticks or silverware when finished eating.

[Camille · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I disagree with many of his tips (men can wear ties! Don’t tuck your napkin into your shirt!), I appreciate the main message: it doesn’t matter. Be nice, be polite, and frankly, no one cares which way the knife blade points.

The quick, list-like paragraphs made for a quick read.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short summary of how to behave at the table in every situation.

[Alchemy Celest · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book to read in the car before parties! I never managed to finish it, because I took it out of the library, but it is very informative and useful!

[Tye · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read

[Leah Hostetler Easton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super short read. A great book if you come from a blue collar/informal world but find yourself in new and more formal world now.

[Jana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this more at the beginning and less at the end when it started to delve into a humblebrag about traveling.

[Eric · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not bad, and does have good advice. It's just that I've already read other Etiqutee books have much more information.

[Summer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm still looking for that perfect book about manners...This isn't it, but it's a good refresher. All advice will not apply to all people.

[Emma · Rating 1 out of 5]

I think I just didn't like this book because I'm a teenager, therefore I don't drink alcoholic beverages, and this author seemed to like talking about them.