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The Life You Never Expected: Thriving while Parenting Special Needs Children
Sometimes you end up living the life you never expected. When Andrew and Rachel found out that one, and then both, of their children had severe autism, their world was turned on its head.
This is a book about surviving, and thriving, when something goes horribly wrong. It is a mixture of their story and God's story, and the way in which his has shaped theirs.
With clarity and biblical insight, they share their experience of grief and worship, struggle and hope. As well as reflecting on the specific challenges of raising children with special needs, they speak to broader questions as well: the problem of suffering, building a marriage under pressure, fighting for joy and trusting in the goodness of God.
This is not just a book for families and friends of special needs children, but for all who have been thrown a curve ball in life, and need to know how to lament, worship, pray and hope.
This is a book about surviving, and thriving, when something goes horribly wrong. It is a mixture of their story and God's story, and the way in which his has shaped theirs.
With clarity and biblical insight, they share their experience of grief and worship, struggle and hope. As well as reflecting on the specific challenges of raising children with special needs, they speak to broader questions as well: the problem of suffering, building a marriage under pressure, fighting for joy and trusting in the goodness of God.
This is not just a book for families and friends of special needs children, but for all who have been thrown a curve ball in life, and need to know how to lament, worship, pray and hope.
154 pages, Paperback
First published July 17, 2015
83 people are currently reading
879 people want to read
About the author
Andrew Wilson
14 books149 followersAndrew is Teaching Pastor at King's Church London, and has theology degrees from Cambridge (MA), London School of Theology (MTh), and King's College London (PhD). He is a columnist for Christianity Today, and has written several books, including Echoes of Exodus (Crossway, 2018) and Spirit and Sacrament: An Invitation to Eucharismatic Worship (Zondervan, 2018).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 131 reviews
March 23, 2021
I am so thankful someone wrote this book. I just wish I’d had it four or five years ago when I was coming to terms with the reality that our parenting journey would never look exactly like I expected (though even that was a couple of years before we finally got our daughter’s diagnosis).
My favorite thing was the way the authors reflected the abject loneliness that comes with parenting special needs children. The fear of meltdowns & other “inappropriate” behaviors. The struggle to know what to hold your child accountable for and what is due to the disability. The ache of realizing how little you can control compounded with the pain of judgement from those who think you should be more in control. Being rejected from schools for not fitting the mold. These are all things that have become normal in our experience. This book is grace and gospel hope from the trenches.
My favorite thing was the way the authors reflected the abject loneliness that comes with parenting special needs children. The fear of meltdowns & other “inappropriate” behaviors. The struggle to know what to hold your child accountable for and what is due to the disability. The ache of realizing how little you can control compounded with the pain of judgement from those who think you should be more in control. Being rejected from schools for not fitting the mold. These are all things that have become normal in our experience. This book is grace and gospel hope from the trenches.
August 6, 2017
I am the mom of a son who caught a nasty virus when he was 7 weeks old and which left 6 holes in his brain. But I am also the mom of 7 kids with developmentally "healthy" brains, so dealing with all of the grief, issues, altered parenting paradigms, paperwork, and the uncertain future of a child with special needs has been like the wave that takes you under after an afternoon of calm seas.
Reading The Life We Never Expected did several important things for me:
- Reading and pondering each section slowly, I grasped that my concerns and experiences were neither isolated nor unique. There's a great big world of special needs warriors out there.
- In light of that knowledge, my resolve to see our churches fully embrace our brothers and sisters raising or living with special needs has heightened. The church in America, in general, does this poorly. We cast a blind eye and marginalize families fighting the hardest fight. In fact, I recently spoke at a conference and a group of moms parenting kids with special needs approached me, one by one, to tell me that they no longer go to church. The attempt and effort is too costly and the church, by way of a myriad of responses (from a lack of resources to shunning a noisy special needs teen from worship) has made it a feat not worth attempting.
The Wilsons don't really camp on this aspect of raising kids with special needs, but I couldn't shake that reality from my head the entire time I was reading. They talk about the importance of living in community and the humility it takes to accept help, but what if you have an unwilling community with no access to a better one? Pray. God is faithful to give us what we need, which they communicate well and leads me to...
- God has this. He was not surprised when our son slipped into a coma and weathered all that He did. He knows the future, and there is grace there, too.
Reading The Life We Never Expected did several important things for me:
- Reading and pondering each section slowly, I grasped that my concerns and experiences were neither isolated nor unique. There's a great big world of special needs warriors out there.
- In light of that knowledge, my resolve to see our churches fully embrace our brothers and sisters raising or living with special needs has heightened. The church in America, in general, does this poorly. We cast a blind eye and marginalize families fighting the hardest fight. In fact, I recently spoke at a conference and a group of moms parenting kids with special needs approached me, one by one, to tell me that they no longer go to church. The attempt and effort is too costly and the church, by way of a myriad of responses (from a lack of resources to shunning a noisy special needs teen from worship) has made it a feat not worth attempting.
The Wilsons don't really camp on this aspect of raising kids with special needs, but I couldn't shake that reality from my head the entire time I was reading. They talk about the importance of living in community and the humility it takes to accept help, but what if you have an unwilling community with no access to a better one? Pray. God is faithful to give us what we need, which they communicate well and leads me to...
- God has this. He was not surprised when our son slipped into a coma and weathered all that He did. He knows the future, and there is grace there, too.
May 17, 2017
You don't have to have a child with special needs to benefit from The Life We Never Expected. Though the focal point of the book is the authors' experiences parenting two young children with Autism, anyone who has ever wondered (or pleaded), "Why, Lord?" in the wake of hardship will find refreshment and comfort in its pages.
I hope prospective readers of this book won't be put off by the critical review written by a fellow Goodreads user named "Chris," which has, unfortunately, garnered the top position as of today. After finishing and enjoying this book, I read Chris's review carefully, and, while I appreciate his engagement with the book and his alternative view, I found his assessment of the Wilsons to be uncharitable, paradoxical, and potentially informed by personal bias. He begins his review by sharing his distaste for the authors' religious affiliation, and I suspect that distaste, at least in part, prejudiced him against the Wilsons from the start.
Yes, the authors are honest about the ways in which they've been taxed mentally, physically, and spiritually by the challenge of raising two young children with Autism, and, while their love for their children is clearly evident, they don't view an Austism diagnosis as something to celebrate. To suggest that the Wilsons are somehow callous toward their children because they lament their children's disability is disingenuous and rather a low blow. What parent wouldn't be broken (and in their weaker moments, angered) by the prospect that their child may suffer serious developmental delays and other health complications and perhaps never enjoy many of the daily simple pleasures healthy individuals take for granted? The authors believe that this world is not as it should be, and their hearts are aggrieved because of that. I don't see how this makes them "vacuous and selfish" parents. (Meanwhile, our world increasingly puts pressure on pregnant women to abort foetuses who are discovered to have serious medical conditions like Down's Syndrome, and it's people like the Wilsons who contend that every person, regardless of what they can or cannot do, is God's image-bearer and is, therefore, worthy of respect, protection, and dignity.) After reading Chris's review, I couldn't help but ask myself, "Are we talking about the same book, the same people?" Selfish, crass, vacuous, terrible? These are not the words I believe most readers of this book would reach for when describing the Wilsons.
Chris lambasts the Wilsons for never contending with the "misery and difficulty suffered by their children who have to live with a very difficult neurological disorder for which there is no cure and which makes life very frightening and difficult to cope with." But then he turns around and criticizes them for lamenting their children's diagnoses and for longing for healing in their lives: "[Their] children aren't freaks or misfits and they are fine as they are. Created perfectly and loved by God." If Autism causes so much suffering in the lives of children diagnosed with it, as Chris rightly points out, how are those children then "fine as they are" and "perfectly" created, as he says? Are the Wilsons bad parents for not celebrating and rejoicing over the fact that both of their children have "difficult neurological disorders?" Is it not understandable that a diagnosis of Autism would cause a parent to suffer in more ways than one? Is a mother necessarily a bad parent simply because she honestly shares the ways in which life is uniquely challenging when parenting children with special needs? I empathized with the Wilsons' situation and never once perceived them as selfish. To the contrary, their heartfelt humility and long-suffering put me in my place on more than one occasion. I also feel that, in a small way, I have a better understanding of what it means, and what it costs, to parent a child with special needs, and I'm thankful for that.
At the end of the day, if one is looking for reasons to dislike a book, those reasons will never be in short supply. If taken a face value and read with a spirit of openness, however, this book has a lot to offer readers, especially Christian ones. (This book was written for Christians, after all.)
I hope prospective readers of this book won't be put off by the critical review written by a fellow Goodreads user named "Chris," which has, unfortunately, garnered the top position as of today. After finishing and enjoying this book, I read Chris's review carefully, and, while I appreciate his engagement with the book and his alternative view, I found his assessment of the Wilsons to be uncharitable, paradoxical, and potentially informed by personal bias. He begins his review by sharing his distaste for the authors' religious affiliation, and I suspect that distaste, at least in part, prejudiced him against the Wilsons from the start.
Yes, the authors are honest about the ways in which they've been taxed mentally, physically, and spiritually by the challenge of raising two young children with Autism, and, while their love for their children is clearly evident, they don't view an Austism diagnosis as something to celebrate. To suggest that the Wilsons are somehow callous toward their children because they lament their children's disability is disingenuous and rather a low blow. What parent wouldn't be broken (and in their weaker moments, angered) by the prospect that their child may suffer serious developmental delays and other health complications and perhaps never enjoy many of the daily simple pleasures healthy individuals take for granted? The authors believe that this world is not as it should be, and their hearts are aggrieved because of that. I don't see how this makes them "vacuous and selfish" parents. (Meanwhile, our world increasingly puts pressure on pregnant women to abort foetuses who are discovered to have serious medical conditions like Down's Syndrome, and it's people like the Wilsons who contend that every person, regardless of what they can or cannot do, is God's image-bearer and is, therefore, worthy of respect, protection, and dignity.) After reading Chris's review, I couldn't help but ask myself, "Are we talking about the same book, the same people?" Selfish, crass, vacuous, terrible? These are not the words I believe most readers of this book would reach for when describing the Wilsons.
Chris lambasts the Wilsons for never contending with the "misery and difficulty suffered by their children who have to live with a very difficult neurological disorder for which there is no cure and which makes life very frightening and difficult to cope with." But then he turns around and criticizes them for lamenting their children's diagnoses and for longing for healing in their lives: "[Their] children aren't freaks or misfits and they are fine as they are. Created perfectly and loved by God." If Autism causes so much suffering in the lives of children diagnosed with it, as Chris rightly points out, how are those children then "fine as they are" and "perfectly" created, as he says? Are the Wilsons bad parents for not celebrating and rejoicing over the fact that both of their children have "difficult neurological disorders?" Is it not understandable that a diagnosis of Autism would cause a parent to suffer in more ways than one? Is a mother necessarily a bad parent simply because she honestly shares the ways in which life is uniquely challenging when parenting children with special needs? I empathized with the Wilsons' situation and never once perceived them as selfish. To the contrary, their heartfelt humility and long-suffering put me in my place on more than one occasion. I also feel that, in a small way, I have a better understanding of what it means, and what it costs, to parent a child with special needs, and I'm thankful for that.
At the end of the day, if one is looking for reasons to dislike a book, those reasons will never be in short supply. If taken a face value and read with a spirit of openness, however, this book has a lot to offer readers, especially Christian ones. (This book was written for Christians, after all.)
August 3, 2025
This is a treasure for those parenting kiddos with needs. It would also be great for family members and even church families to get a glimpse into the life of families with special needs. You feel seen, heard, and understood by the stories and truth found inside. I found such encouragement in this book and it will be one I got back to and recommend to others.
September 13, 2015
One of my best friends is a Christian and he gave me a copy of this book as I have a child with special needs.
This book has been written by two members of a network of evangelical, charismatic churches known as 'Newfrontiers' I am not a fan of these churches, particularly their complementarian approach however since my friend gave me the book as a gift I felt obliged to give it a go.
The authors (a married couple) have two young children with Autism. The book is marketed as a guide for Christian parents living with children who have special needs with particular emphasis being on relying on God's love, guidance and, of course, your church community. Whereas there is nothing wrong with these ideas in themselves (in fact, they are great ideas if you are inclined to believe in God) the way they are put across is absolutely, mortifyingly terrible.
Let's begin with practical information and the 'good' things about the book. The book is short at 152 pages long and I got through it within two days. The layout is simple and so is the message. It is not difficult to understand what this book is saying which makes it very accessible. Also, as mentioned earlier, the basic idea for the book is sound; lean on God in times of distress and trouble (not exactly original advice but there you go)
Now the bad; the couple who wrote the book seem to view their children less as two beautiful individuals who deserve their unwavering, unconditional love and support and more like two child-shaped mill stones around their necks dragging them into the abyss of self pity and cries of 'Why God? Why?!'
The authors spend a good deal of the book effectively complaining that it is really really hard looking after two children with Autism but they accept what is obviously a challenge sent by God. They complain endlessly about how very difficult and stressful it is for them and how, at times, it makes their lives unbearable whilst simultaneously disregarding and ignoring any misery and difficulty suffered by their children who have to live with a very difficult neurological disorder for which there is no cure and which makes life very frightening and difficult to cope with. The authors literally make no mention of how it must make their children feel. From reading the book I felt overwhelming pity not for the parents but for the poor children; that their parents are so vacuous and selfish.
The book made me angry because of the authors attitudes. There are so many dreadful parts of the book it's hard to know what to highlight. A particularly awful chapter was when the father decided to compare having Autistic children with receiving a real orange instead of a chocolate orange at a dinner party. To quote
'You've been given an orange. Not a chocolate orange; an actual orange. Eleven segments of erratically sized, pith-covered segments, with surprisingly large pips in annoying places, requiring a degree in engineering in order to peel it properly...You pause to reflect. There's nothing wrong with oranges; you say to yourself...But your heart sinks, all the same. An orange was not what you expected...not only that but it wasn't what you wanted'
Just imagine how that mans poor children will feel when they get old enough to read that. It's a ridiculous comparison anyway. "Basically Son, you're like a shit dessert at a dinner party that no-one wants, sorry"
His wife isn't any better. She wrote a new updated version of 'The Beatitudes' a famous part of Jesus Christ's 'Sermon on the Mount' just for people with special needs (because the original doesn't apply to them, right?) 'Blessed are the autistic, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are the tube-fed, for they will be comforted' No, I'm not kidding. It really is that crass. Frequently.
The book goes on like this with both authors complaining about how all their aspirations for their children are gone because of autism. They write about how much they've wept over it. Again it is all about self pity with these two. In one chapter they mention the importance of thinking of others instead of yourself and I nearly died from a sudden overdose of irony.
Perhaps the worst part of this awful stain of a book was the subject of healing. Now I knew this would come up sooner or later as I know Newfrontiers is the kind of church big on 'laying on hands' but when the subject did rear its ugly head I was shocked by the way the author seems to view his own children; as something to be fixed. He talks about different types of Christians and how they view faith healing and he uses a Winnie the Pooh analogy. This could be for simplicity or it could be because the guy has the imagination of an ameba. Either way it's daft.
'We have Tigger-types who bounce around insisting that God will always heal us if we just have enough certainty that he will, and we have Eeyore-types who mope around mumbling that disabilities are just part of the way things are, and asking God to heal us is a waste of time. Being a Winnie-the-Pooh type in the middle, believing that God wants to heal but trusting him when he doesn't, can be exhausting. The Tigger-types make you feel guilty; the Eeyore-types make you feel grumpy. And you're still the one with the disabled child'
It's difficult to describe the anger I felt when I read this offensive tripe. This conceited, awful person wrote this about his own children. The disgust and disappointment that his children weren't fixed by God practically drips off the paper. This is how he views his own children; like some broken laptop he's returned to Argos 'There's obviously been a mistake, my children are DISABLED God. Please fix them and return them ASAP so I can have an easier life" It seems to have never crossed his simple mind that God created and loves those children for who they are. Autism isn't leprosy or cancer or some other disease to be cured of. His children aren't freaks or misfits and they are fine as they are. Created perfectly and loved by God.
Believe me when I say I could go on giving examples. The whole 152 pages are full of this type of nonsense. Oh one last thing I forgot to mention in the 'positive' section. If you have children with special needs and you are having a down day and feel like a bad parent just have a quick read through this book. I guarantee when you realise there are parents out there like these two you'll realise you aren't so bad after all.
This book has been written by two members of a network of evangelical, charismatic churches known as 'Newfrontiers' I am not a fan of these churches, particularly their complementarian approach however since my friend gave me the book as a gift I felt obliged to give it a go.
The authors (a married couple) have two young children with Autism. The book is marketed as a guide for Christian parents living with children who have special needs with particular emphasis being on relying on God's love, guidance and, of course, your church community. Whereas there is nothing wrong with these ideas in themselves (in fact, they are great ideas if you are inclined to believe in God) the way they are put across is absolutely, mortifyingly terrible.
Let's begin with practical information and the 'good' things about the book. The book is short at 152 pages long and I got through it within two days. The layout is simple and so is the message. It is not difficult to understand what this book is saying which makes it very accessible. Also, as mentioned earlier, the basic idea for the book is sound; lean on God in times of distress and trouble (not exactly original advice but there you go)
Now the bad; the couple who wrote the book seem to view their children less as two beautiful individuals who deserve their unwavering, unconditional love and support and more like two child-shaped mill stones around their necks dragging them into the abyss of self pity and cries of 'Why God? Why?!'
The authors spend a good deal of the book effectively complaining that it is really really hard looking after two children with Autism but they accept what is obviously a challenge sent by God. They complain endlessly about how very difficult and stressful it is for them and how, at times, it makes their lives unbearable whilst simultaneously disregarding and ignoring any misery and difficulty suffered by their children who have to live with a very difficult neurological disorder for which there is no cure and which makes life very frightening and difficult to cope with. The authors literally make no mention of how it must make their children feel. From reading the book I felt overwhelming pity not for the parents but for the poor children; that their parents are so vacuous and selfish.
The book made me angry because of the authors attitudes. There are so many dreadful parts of the book it's hard to know what to highlight. A particularly awful chapter was when the father decided to compare having Autistic children with receiving a real orange instead of a chocolate orange at a dinner party. To quote
'You've been given an orange. Not a chocolate orange; an actual orange. Eleven segments of erratically sized, pith-covered segments, with surprisingly large pips in annoying places, requiring a degree in engineering in order to peel it properly...You pause to reflect. There's nothing wrong with oranges; you say to yourself...But your heart sinks, all the same. An orange was not what you expected...not only that but it wasn't what you wanted'
Just imagine how that mans poor children will feel when they get old enough to read that. It's a ridiculous comparison anyway. "Basically Son, you're like a shit dessert at a dinner party that no-one wants, sorry"
His wife isn't any better. She wrote a new updated version of 'The Beatitudes' a famous part of Jesus Christ's 'Sermon on the Mount' just for people with special needs (because the original doesn't apply to them, right?) 'Blessed are the autistic, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are the tube-fed, for they will be comforted' No, I'm not kidding. It really is that crass. Frequently.
The book goes on like this with both authors complaining about how all their aspirations for their children are gone because of autism. They write about how much they've wept over it. Again it is all about self pity with these two. In one chapter they mention the importance of thinking of others instead of yourself and I nearly died from a sudden overdose of irony.
Perhaps the worst part of this awful stain of a book was the subject of healing. Now I knew this would come up sooner or later as I know Newfrontiers is the kind of church big on 'laying on hands' but when the subject did rear its ugly head I was shocked by the way the author seems to view his own children; as something to be fixed. He talks about different types of Christians and how they view faith healing and he uses a Winnie the Pooh analogy. This could be for simplicity or it could be because the guy has the imagination of an ameba. Either way it's daft.
'We have Tigger-types who bounce around insisting that God will always heal us if we just have enough certainty that he will, and we have Eeyore-types who mope around mumbling that disabilities are just part of the way things are, and asking God to heal us is a waste of time. Being a Winnie-the-Pooh type in the middle, believing that God wants to heal but trusting him when he doesn't, can be exhausting. The Tigger-types make you feel guilty; the Eeyore-types make you feel grumpy. And you're still the one with the disabled child'
It's difficult to describe the anger I felt when I read this offensive tripe. This conceited, awful person wrote this about his own children. The disgust and disappointment that his children weren't fixed by God practically drips off the paper. This is how he views his own children; like some broken laptop he's returned to Argos 'There's obviously been a mistake, my children are DISABLED God. Please fix them and return them ASAP so I can have an easier life" It seems to have never crossed his simple mind that God created and loves those children for who they are. Autism isn't leprosy or cancer or some other disease to be cured of. His children aren't freaks or misfits and they are fine as they are. Created perfectly and loved by God.
Believe me when I say I could go on giving examples. The whole 152 pages are full of this type of nonsense. Oh one last thing I forgot to mention in the 'positive' section. If you have children with special needs and you are having a down day and feel like a bad parent just have a quick read through this book. I guarantee when you realise there are parents out there like these two you'll realise you aren't so bad after all.
March 5, 2025
This book is a gem. For parents of special needs kids, a must read and, I would argue, likewise for friends and family of those parents. In my limited experience, nothing is more isolating and lonely than finding out your child is destined for a lifetime of challenges and high needs. This book makes you feel seen and understood. It’s raw at times but in a way that helps me know I’m not crazy and I’m not alone.
The 3rd to last chapter had me weeping and made the whole book worth it (although it was already worth it at that point, in my opinion): 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
O cerebral palsy, where is your sting?
The 3rd to last chapter had me weeping and made the whole book worth it (although it was already worth it at that point, in my opinion): 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
O cerebral palsy, where is your sting?
June 24, 2025
This is an absolutely remarkable gospel saturated look at parenting special needs kids. It will now forever live in my arsenal of resources for when the days are hard parenting our own kiddos with needs. I will gift it and recommend to families walking our similar road no doubt, but I wouldn’t stop there as I’m sure everyone knows some family parenting kiddos with special needs. To those in that category, this book is for you too.
June 22, 2016
This year, in the midst of all my heroes publishing new books, I would've swore that my favorite books this year would be from one of these popular men and women, but once again I've been blindsided by a truly remarkable book. "The Life We Never Expected" might be the book I recommend for new parents, struggling parents, or just parents in general from now on. While our experiences and kids are amazingly different (none of mine are special needs), I found a couple who understood me and that seemed to understand my wife's struggles as well. I cried, I laughed, I was encouraged, I was broken.
Being firstmost a book for special needs parents, the book is thankfully divided up into five repeating sections (weep, worship, waiting, witnessing, and breathe). I am grateful for these rotating & repeating sections. It kept the book balanced and not too heavy or happy. I also loved how Andrew and Rachel take turns writing the different sections and take turns as they repeat writing others (though Andrew never *does* do a Breathe section. WHY DON'T YOU BREATHE, ANDREW?! lol).
My wife is about to start reading this book and I'm overjoyed for that. I'm truly grateful for this book. The book is also a quick read too. Grateful for that as well. Parenting doesn't leave too much time. :)
Being firstmost a book for special needs parents, the book is thankfully divided up into five repeating sections (weep, worship, waiting, witnessing, and breathe). I am grateful for these rotating & repeating sections. It kept the book balanced and not too heavy or happy. I also loved how Andrew and Rachel take turns writing the different sections and take turns as they repeat writing others (though Andrew never *does* do a Breathe section. WHY DON'T YOU BREATHE, ANDREW?! lol).
My wife is about to start reading this book and I'm overjoyed for that. I'm truly grateful for this book. The book is also a quick read too. Grateful for that as well. Parenting doesn't leave too much time. :)
June 11, 2024
Absolutely wonderful. Robust and honest and bracing and so grounded in the truth of who God is and His love for His children. This book was such an encouragement. (And not just for special needs parents — I think anyone thrown off by the way life has unfolded will find help here.) Highly recommend!
December 24, 2019
I can’t thank God enough for this book and its authors.
August 13, 2016
From the foreword: This book doesn't tell you to try harder or to be more heroic. The book shows you how to come to Jesus, just as you are, for everything you need.
The Life We Never Expected is a book about parenting special needs children. It is written by a husband and wife, Andrew and Rachel Wilson. They have an autistic son and an autistic daughter. They wrote this book with a) parents in mind, b) family and friends of those parents, c) anyone and everyone who is suffering and needs encouragement.
The book is divided into five cycles. Each cycle is broken down into the same sections: weeping, worshiping, waiting, witnessing, and breathe.
While the book contains plenty of personal stories, the focus is never: LOOK AT US, WE'VE GOT IT TOGETHER, WE HAVE THE ANSWERS. The focus remains constant, and, that focus is on JESUS CHRIST and his gospel. This book celebrates Jesus and elevates the Word of God. The personal stories are balanced perfectly by proper, close attention to Scripture itself. The book is practical as well as authentic.
I would definitely recommend this one. It is GOOD. Here are four of my favorite quotes:
"Celebrating the gospel is beautiful and is good for my soul, but it doesn't make me sleep more or cry less. Until God fixes everything, I'm still waiting."
"Up until I was about thirty, I couldn't fathom why so many of the psalms were about pain. Now I'm thirty-five, and I can't fathom why so many of them are about something else."
"I don't read Scripture in the morning primarily to study it academically or to get through my reading plan; I read it in search of joy, like a forty-niner looking for gold--even if I have only a few minutes while Zeke is watching TV at some ridiculous hour of the morning."
"So I have to remember: the story is not mine to save. The pressure to write a story that makes sense of what has happened to us, as acute as it can feel, must be resisted; God is the great storyteller, the divine happy-ending maker, and I'm not. I am a character in God's story, not the author of my own, and it is God's responsibility to redeem all things, to make all things work together for good, and, as Sam Gamgee puts it in The Lord of the Rings, to make everything that is sad come untrue."
The Life We Never Expected is a book about parenting special needs children. It is written by a husband and wife, Andrew and Rachel Wilson. They have an autistic son and an autistic daughter. They wrote this book with a) parents in mind, b) family and friends of those parents, c) anyone and everyone who is suffering and needs encouragement.
The book is divided into five cycles. Each cycle is broken down into the same sections: weeping, worshiping, waiting, witnessing, and breathe.
While the book contains plenty of personal stories, the focus is never: LOOK AT US, WE'VE GOT IT TOGETHER, WE HAVE THE ANSWERS. The focus remains constant, and, that focus is on JESUS CHRIST and his gospel. This book celebrates Jesus and elevates the Word of God. The personal stories are balanced perfectly by proper, close attention to Scripture itself. The book is practical as well as authentic.
I would definitely recommend this one. It is GOOD. Here are four of my favorite quotes:
"Celebrating the gospel is beautiful and is good for my soul, but it doesn't make me sleep more or cry less. Until God fixes everything, I'm still waiting."
"Up until I was about thirty, I couldn't fathom why so many of the psalms were about pain. Now I'm thirty-five, and I can't fathom why so many of them are about something else."
"I don't read Scripture in the morning primarily to study it academically or to get through my reading plan; I read it in search of joy, like a forty-niner looking for gold--even if I have only a few minutes while Zeke is watching TV at some ridiculous hour of the morning."
"So I have to remember: the story is not mine to save. The pressure to write a story that makes sense of what has happened to us, as acute as it can feel, must be resisted; God is the great storyteller, the divine happy-ending maker, and I'm not. I am a character in God's story, not the author of my own, and it is God's responsibility to redeem all things, to make all things work together for good, and, as Sam Gamgee puts it in The Lord of the Rings, to make everything that is sad come untrue."
April 20, 2024
This was so encouraging and made me love God more. Also so vulnerable wow
August 10, 2018
My husband picked this up shortly after our first son got diagnosed with autism. I refused to read it initially, mainly because I couldn’t handle what I knew was going to be an emotional roller coaster. But when our second son started to regress and show signs of being even more autistic than his older brother, I became desperate enough to read it in spite of how hard I knew it would be.
I’m mostly glad I did:) The authors did us the service of writing in the midst their struggle. This takes courage, for a myriad of reasons. But what struck me was their willingness to say “Yeah, we don’t really know what we are doing. But God is good and we trust him.” It’s exactly what I need to hear. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have two special needs kids. And so are they. The isolation I feel at being in a place that literally NO ONE will understand unless they have experienced it too, diminished, if only by a little bit.
There were only a couple things I disagreed with, but that’s to be expected. There’s no manual for how to raise autistic kids simply because no autistic child is the same. I’m grateful this was clear in this book from the outset. My disagreements were mostly theological, but it certainly didn’t detract from the immense help I received from reading this book. I highly suggest parents of special needs children read this, especially if they’re a Christian.
I’m mostly glad I did:) The authors did us the service of writing in the midst their struggle. This takes courage, for a myriad of reasons. But what struck me was their willingness to say “Yeah, we don’t really know what we are doing. But God is good and we trust him.” It’s exactly what I need to hear. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have two special needs kids. And so are they. The isolation I feel at being in a place that literally NO ONE will understand unless they have experienced it too, diminished, if only by a little bit.
There were only a couple things I disagreed with, but that’s to be expected. There’s no manual for how to raise autistic kids simply because no autistic child is the same. I’m grateful this was clear in this book from the outset. My disagreements were mostly theological, but it certainly didn’t detract from the immense help I received from reading this book. I highly suggest parents of special needs children read this, especially if they’re a Christian.
June 16, 2016
The heart will always look to rejoice in something beyond itself, so rather than trying to squash desire, we should instead look to satisfy it. It is what you call fighting for your joy in all circumstances.
Rachel & Andrew Wilson have been given the ministry of parenthood to two autistic children. It is in this ministry they have learned the contrast of grief and joy, victory and defeat, and that the dreams may not come true instead turn into something greater. They have faced the pain head on without explaining it away and in doing so they have been able to process their distress in ways that actually fit with the realities that they experience.
They have laid out the process in cycles. Weeping/Worshiping/Waiting/Witnessing. Each in their own words have laid out their hearts in a vulnerable way that bring them closer to the heart of God. Just come to Jesus just as you are for everything you need.
I appreciated the gospel in these reflections because it is never about what I can do but what Jesus has done. It is not passive but a fight of never giving up on hope. What children can teach you is amazing and worth it all!
A Special Thank You to Crossway and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
Rachel & Andrew Wilson have been given the ministry of parenthood to two autistic children. It is in this ministry they have learned the contrast of grief and joy, victory and defeat, and that the dreams may not come true instead turn into something greater. They have faced the pain head on without explaining it away and in doing so they have been able to process their distress in ways that actually fit with the realities that they experience.
They have laid out the process in cycles. Weeping/Worshiping/Waiting/Witnessing. Each in their own words have laid out their hearts in a vulnerable way that bring them closer to the heart of God. Just come to Jesus just as you are for everything you need.
I appreciated the gospel in these reflections because it is never about what I can do but what Jesus has done. It is not passive but a fight of never giving up on hope. What children can teach you is amazing and worth it all!
A Special Thank You to Crossway and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
October 29, 2025
My wife and I started reading this together when we were told at the 13 week ultrasound that our son has an extremely rare condition affecting his left leg. We sought help processing this diagnosis, and the Wilson’s book was just what we needed. Over the past year, we have slowly digested it a chapter at a time, praying, discussing, laughing, and crying. It’s been incredibly healing for us. Granted, the Wilson’s condition is very different from ours, but there was still so much we resonated with. We are forever thankful for this little book!
October 7, 2023
If you want to understand what every day life is like for a family living with special needs in the home, read this *before* you ask them questions. It’s high time I read it again.
March 1, 2021
A lot of the special needs literature out there is written by been there, done that, seasoned parents and professionals. Which is totally fine and definitely helpful.
But sometimes, especially for someone like me who is brand new to this walk of life, you desperately want to hear from someone who is in the trenches with you. At that's exactly what this book is. Andrew and Rachel have two young autistic children, and while they don't know everything there is to know about special needs or parenting they do have a beautiful outlook on the hope, grief, loss, love, and all of the other challenges and feelings that come with special needs parenting. Their faith is contagious and their focus on eternity has helped me shift my perspective.
The chapters are short which are perfect for when you just need small bursts of encouragement throughout the day. This is great read for anyone who is going through something tough (doesn't have to be special needs related) and wants to feel a little less alone and lot closer to God.
But sometimes, especially for someone like me who is brand new to this walk of life, you desperately want to hear from someone who is in the trenches with you. At that's exactly what this book is. Andrew and Rachel have two young autistic children, and while they don't know everything there is to know about special needs or parenting they do have a beautiful outlook on the hope, grief, loss, love, and all of the other challenges and feelings that come with special needs parenting. Their faith is contagious and their focus on eternity has helped me shift my perspective.
The chapters are short which are perfect for when you just need small bursts of encouragement throughout the day. This is great read for anyone who is going through something tough (doesn't have to be special needs related) and wants to feel a little less alone and lot closer to God.
May 6, 2025
This was my third time through this one in about as many years, as we’ve sort of settled into life with a special-needs child. I kind of wish I could hand a copy to all of our friends and family members- it is so comforting, relatable, and thought-provoking. Overall though, the word that keeps coming back to me is comforting.
When you have a child with special needs, it’s ok if the parenting books don’t make sense. It’s ok if you keep praying for more sleep and it never comes. It’s ok if your child is “allowed to lick metal poles” or eat only toast for an entire year. It’s ok if there are seasons of mere survival that include a lot of coffee and Psalms and not much else. It’s ok to be needy and dependent on the church. And overall, there is grief and joy and purpose and confusion and gratitude and deep sorrow all entwined.
I loved how the structure of the book took me through sections on weeping, worshipping, waiting, and witnessing in repeated cycles. That’s how life is! The sections on prayer, on healing, on daydreaming about eternity, and on our mission through the church were particularly inspiring this time through. And truly, this book helped take some of the pressure off in my parenting efforts, a comfort that I gratefully receive as from the Lord.
When you have a child with special needs, it’s ok if the parenting books don’t make sense. It’s ok if you keep praying for more sleep and it never comes. It’s ok if your child is “allowed to lick metal poles” or eat only toast for an entire year. It’s ok if there are seasons of mere survival that include a lot of coffee and Psalms and not much else. It’s ok to be needy and dependent on the church. And overall, there is grief and joy and purpose and confusion and gratitude and deep sorrow all entwined.
I loved how the structure of the book took me through sections on weeping, worshipping, waiting, and witnessing in repeated cycles. That’s how life is! The sections on prayer, on healing, on daydreaming about eternity, and on our mission through the church were particularly inspiring this time through. And truly, this book helped take some of the pressure off in my parenting efforts, a comfort that I gratefully receive as from the Lord.
June 20, 2020
Insightful for anyone who feels life is not quite what they expected
This is a wonderful, honest and spiritually focused book reflecting on the challenges and spiritual formation that this couple experience through bringing up two children with special needs. However, I would recommend it to anyone who has ever felt a bit knocked off balance by life's curve balls.
This is a wonderful, honest and spiritually focused book reflecting on the challenges and spiritual formation that this couple experience through bringing up two children with special needs. However, I would recommend it to anyone who has ever felt a bit knocked off balance by life's curve balls.
August 31, 2019
I read this book to hopefully better understand the lives of several friends and acquaintances who have children with various special needs, but I also found spiritual encouragement for my own journey.
April 13, 2020
This is a book I am sure I could have benefited from when my daughter was first diagnosed with autism. Andrew and Rachel Wilson, who have two children diagnosed with regressive autism, discuss fighting for joy, thriving in the midst of trials, grief, healing, prayer, and more. Through it all, they point readers to Christ, the One who promises to make all things new.
If you are a parent of a special needs child, this is a great book to pick up. It is a book of short reflections that reveal the real thoughts and real feelings of the authors. They use their own experiences to help others process the various stages that come with parenting a special needs child.
BUT... even if you don't have a child with a disability, this book can be good for you, too! It is actually good for ANYONE, because it covers things like loss, hope, contentment, and joy. Plus, the chapters are short and easy to read, which is a good thing for all of us busy people.
If you are a parent of a special needs child, this is a great book to pick up. It is a book of short reflections that reveal the real thoughts and real feelings of the authors. They use their own experiences to help others process the various stages that come with parenting a special needs child.
BUT... even if you don't have a child with a disability, this book can be good for you, too! It is actually good for ANYONE, because it covers things like loss, hope, contentment, and joy. Plus, the chapters are short and easy to read, which is a good thing for all of us busy people.
April 23, 2023
The Wilsons share from their hearts even while still in the trenches about their life with two children with profound special needs.
They talk about grieving and praying for healing and our future hope.
This book would be helpful for those walking this difficult path in one way or another as well as for those who are seeking to walk with them in more understanding.
They talk about grieving and praying for healing and our future hope.
This book would be helpful for those walking this difficult path in one way or another as well as for those who are seeking to walk with them in more understanding.
March 5, 2020
Best book I read in 2017. Sweet meditation on the gospel in the face of suffering. I would recommend it to every Christian, not just those who have children with disabilities.
September 13, 2025
Fantastic, encouraging, helpful content for all people
November 22, 2023
Great book on special needs. A lot on autism but I felt seen having a son with spina bifida as well. A great resource.
July 16, 2024
I don't have a child with special needs but I know a lot that do. This book has some really helpful insights on pain and suffering from a Christian perspective.
February 28, 2020
NOTE: This was originally posted to a blog I used to run on 7/8/16.
Although not all of us, including myself, have children with special needs, we probably know someone who does or have worked with such people at some point. Through these experiences, we learn how challenging it can be to care for a person with special needs, but also how fantastic such a person can be.
They see the world in such a different and sometimes refreshing way.
In their book The Life We Never Expected, British couple Andrew and Rachel Wilson highlight both ends of the spectrum. They acknowledge the difficulties and disappointments of having two autistic children, but also the joys and the lessons learned.
This book is a quick and easy read, but by no means shallow. The authors share some fantastic concepts that they support with passages from the Bible and from other people. In fact, the whole structure of the book is based on Psalm 130.
These concepts go beyond raising special needs children and touch everyone who may be suffering or struggling with something, and that is exactly what the authors intended.
There were several sections that especially spoke to me, but a couple that stuck with me were "Individualitis and the Dung Gate" (Andrew and Rachel have very interesting and often amusing writing styles) and "Daydreaming about Eternity."
In the former, Andrew talks about how he and many others suffer from a disease called individualitis. Each of us thinks it's all about "me" when it should be about the Church as a whole.
In the latter, Andrew talks about the glories and the changes that will come over the world and his children in the future. I have found similar thoughts to bring great joy to my soul, especially lately after the death of my uncle.
So I highly recommend you pick up The Life We Never Expected and read it. There will be something for you in it.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
Although not all of us, including myself, have children with special needs, we probably know someone who does or have worked with such people at some point. Through these experiences, we learn how challenging it can be to care for a person with special needs, but also how fantastic such a person can be.
They see the world in such a different and sometimes refreshing way.
In their book The Life We Never Expected, British couple Andrew and Rachel Wilson highlight both ends of the spectrum. They acknowledge the difficulties and disappointments of having two autistic children, but also the joys and the lessons learned.
This book is a quick and easy read, but by no means shallow. The authors share some fantastic concepts that they support with passages from the Bible and from other people. In fact, the whole structure of the book is based on Psalm 130.
These concepts go beyond raising special needs children and touch everyone who may be suffering or struggling with something, and that is exactly what the authors intended.
There were several sections that especially spoke to me, but a couple that stuck with me were "Individualitis and the Dung Gate" (Andrew and Rachel have very interesting and often amusing writing styles) and "Daydreaming about Eternity."
In the former, Andrew talks about how he and many others suffer from a disease called individualitis. Each of us thinks it's all about "me" when it should be about the Church as a whole.
In the latter, Andrew talks about the glories and the changes that will come over the world and his children in the future. I have found similar thoughts to bring great joy to my soul, especially lately after the death of my uncle.
So I highly recommend you pick up The Life We Never Expected and read it. There will be something for you in it.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
October 6, 2016
As our family has been living this adoption adventure and as we have been preparing and learning what it means to have a child with special needs, I was thankful when Crossway published The Life We Never Expected: Hopeful Reflections on the Challenges of Parenting Children with Special Needs by Andrew and Rachel Wilson.
This book takes you into the lives (it feels like you are experiencing life as they do in real time) of parents learning to process and live with the unexpected special needs of their two children, both with regressive autism. It is a frank account of this difficulties, the unknowns and the faithful trust they have in Christ and his plan for their lives. Nothing is easy about their story but they have an outlook defined by a hope in their Savior that is certainly a model for others.
The chapters are brief reflections that help you form a pattern for processing circumstances and the challenges of providing and caring for special needs children. There are some practical bits and wisdom to share with family and friends that I think are tremendously valuable.
The Life We Never Expected’s value is in the way the Wilson’s have pulled the curtain back and let you see their messy, difficult and seemingly joyful lives. It would be a great help to those close to special needs families or those just given a diagnosis that they don’t know how to process and plan for. And the focus on trusting in God in the midst of it all can encourage us all. As Rachel says, things might be rough and unplanned, “But God is the Captain. He is the navigator, mapmaker, and expert. He sets our course and knows where the land is. In light of that, my continued attempts to reclaim control of the ship are strikingly ridiculous.”
While I think this book is a solid help for families with unexpected (given the title) special needs in children, I wasn’t keen as an adoptive parent that chose a special needs child to be part of our family. It seemed like the reality of special needs was all suffering and hardship and clearly not something you would choose. I know it was not the Wilson’s intention to come across this way but I would caution those that grab the book for this reason. They get to a good place with trusting in God’s plan but you have to wade through their process of coming to terms along the way.
This book takes you into the lives (it feels like you are experiencing life as they do in real time) of parents learning to process and live with the unexpected special needs of their two children, both with regressive autism. It is a frank account of this difficulties, the unknowns and the faithful trust they have in Christ and his plan for their lives. Nothing is easy about their story but they have an outlook defined by a hope in their Savior that is certainly a model for others.
The chapters are brief reflections that help you form a pattern for processing circumstances and the challenges of providing and caring for special needs children. There are some practical bits and wisdom to share with family and friends that I think are tremendously valuable.
The Life We Never Expected’s value is in the way the Wilson’s have pulled the curtain back and let you see their messy, difficult and seemingly joyful lives. It would be a great help to those close to special needs families or those just given a diagnosis that they don’t know how to process and plan for. And the focus on trusting in God in the midst of it all can encourage us all. As Rachel says, things might be rough and unplanned, “But God is the Captain. He is the navigator, mapmaker, and expert. He sets our course and knows where the land is. In light of that, my continued attempts to reclaim control of the ship are strikingly ridiculous.”
While I think this book is a solid help for families with unexpected (given the title) special needs in children, I wasn’t keen as an adoptive parent that chose a special needs child to be part of our family. It seemed like the reality of special needs was all suffering and hardship and clearly not something you would choose. I know it was not the Wilson’s intention to come across this way but I would caution those that grab the book for this reason. They get to a good place with trusting in God’s plan but you have to wade through their process of coming to terms along the way.
September 23, 2020
This is a very difficult book to review. I found it helpful in some ways but felt parts of it were clumsy and bordering on offensive. I think the authors meant well, and I did learn more about trusting God and thankfulness. I’m grateful for this.
I recognise that this book represents one couple’s attempts to grieve and eventually thrive in their situation, and that their children have a high level of support needs (or, as the book calls it, “severe autism”). It would be devastating to watch your child go backwards. However, I cannot put autism in a category like cancer - something to be cured.
I know if I read this as an adult with autism I would be furious.
Parents of children with special needs may certainly need to grieve, and certainly don’t wish their children to suffer. However, there is power and beauty in trying to embrace an understanding and promotion of neurodiversity.
This may sound like a woolly thing to say, but I say this as a parent of a child with SEN, as I seek to move on to celebrating my child instead of feeling shame or sorrow. As a Christ follower I believe my child is wonderfully made. I wish this book could have been more understanding of the children themselves, instead of comparing them with an orange you never really wanted.
I recognise that this book represents one couple’s attempts to grieve and eventually thrive in their situation, and that their children have a high level of support needs (or, as the book calls it, “severe autism”). It would be devastating to watch your child go backwards. However, I cannot put autism in a category like cancer - something to be cured.
I know if I read this as an adult with autism I would be furious.
Parents of children with special needs may certainly need to grieve, and certainly don’t wish their children to suffer. However, there is power and beauty in trying to embrace an understanding and promotion of neurodiversity.
This may sound like a woolly thing to say, but I say this as a parent of a child with SEN, as I seek to move on to celebrating my child instead of feeling shame or sorrow. As a Christ follower I believe my child is wonderfully made. I wish this book could have been more understanding of the children themselves, instead of comparing them with an orange you never really wanted.
September 24, 2019
Maybe it’s strange that I love this book so much since I do not have children with special needs, but I think it’s a book that could be helpful to anyone who has experienced a large shift in what they’d expected for their life, or has friends who have, or who might one day—so basically everyone. Also, the Wilsons are excellent writers.
I re-read this book after just two years, and I suspect I’ll read it again someday.
I re-read this book after just two years, and I suspect I’ll read it again someday.
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