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Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years
"Sex can be just gorgeous—and sometimes it is the most beautiful thing that can happen between a man and a woman. But don't you also think that it can be just practical? Like when you're hungry and don't want a three-course meal with wine, music, and ambience; you just want a sandwich. You don't love the sandwich. You don't hate the sandwich. You just want to eat the sandwich and feel satisfied." Dr. Pepper Schwartz has always encouraged women to embrace their sexual appetites. After three decades of answering people's questions about their emotional, sexual, and romantic lives; after writing several books on sex and relationships; after thirty-five years as a sociology professor at the University of Washington, she has formed firm opinions about sex and relationships. However, when her own situation changes, when she becomes a single woman after twenty-three years of marriage, she has to reevaluate and discover how sex and dating can work for her at this unique time in her life. Masters and Johnson, the famous sex researchers concluded that you can have sex, and want sex, way into old age, if you never stop doing it. And Pepper is very sure that she never wants to stop doing it. Now, she must make the effort to put herself in the running—getting in shape physically, emotionally, and spiritually—and figure out ways to meet worthy and available men. Ideally, she would like to have a serious relationship, but if that isn't in the cards, she still wants sex and companionship. And while she may feel as sexually alive as she did when she was twenty-five, the number and availability of men has changed. So, how do you look for a life partner after fifty and enjoy sexual adventures along the way? Prime is Dr. Pepper's response to this question. It's her story of exploration—sex, adventure, and romance—spread out like a road map for women of every age, because even as she is telling her own tale, she doesn't forget to exercise her talent for advice. Whether you're looking to wake up a tired sex life, start a new relationship, explore cyber-dating, indulge in a four-hand massage, flirt with gigolos on vacation, or commit to the love of your life, you can find tempting tips and genuinely helpful guidance. The prime of life has lengthened and as Dr. Pepper's experiences show, it would be wrong not to live every moment to the fullest. Calling for a brave and creative reevaluation of what is possible in the second half of women's lives, Prime invites every woman to relish her sexuality, take risks, and go after what she really wants—whether it's a sandwich or something substantially more satisfying. . . .
272 pages, Hardcover
First published June 26, 2007
12 people are currently reading
67 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
March 3, 2021
I read this book for a gender studies seminar entitled “Ideologies of Age: Gender, Bodies, and Embodiment.” Many of the texts we are reading in this class aim to break the taboo of talking about the experience of aging in our society (especially with respect to gender), and this book certainly does that. While I admire the project that Schwartz undertakes in this respect—by being incredibly open about all (and I mean all) the details of her romantic life in her 50s—that’s about where my positive review ends.
I found this book to be truly insufferable. Schwartz seems to think that if you’re not actively pursuing sensuality (which, most of the time, she conflates with sexuality), you can’t possibly be living life to its fullest. She completely brushes aside the challenges some women face with menopause by simply saying that her experience with menopause was essentially that of a surprise missed period. In Schwartz’s view, if you’re not experiencing high sexual drive, then you’re either 1) just not having sex enough, because when you have it more you want it more, or 2) bored of your partner. What an overly simplistic view of why people (especially women) may not have or may not want lots of sex all the time!
Additionally, her tone absolutely drips of privilege throughout. I knew I was in for something when, on page 2, she began describing her “getaway” to Bali (one of many, many trips to faraway places she takes in this book—does this woman have a bottomless bank account??). This just further reinforces her complete lack of acknowledging anyone’s experience of sex and romance outside her own as valid.
Finally, the writing style itself is extremely cringe-inducing. Schwartz’s descriptions in general aren’t particularly evocative or imaginative. Phrases like “he worked on his body, and it showed” appear all over the place. A few times, she describes people as “exotic-looking,” and it doesn’t take too much reading between the lines to imagine what this might mean. Also, the descriptions of her sexual encounters are QUITE detailed. Yes, she’s breaking taboos of middle-aged women’s sexuality, but at a certain point her descriptions of her “body-rocking orgasms” and multi-hour “lovemaking sessions” became tiresome to me. As a cherry on top, the book is riddled with typos and poor grammar, and although this doesn’t change her larger points and ideas, this really puts me off as a reader.
If you’re looking for a book that breaks the taboo of women’s sexuality in middle age in an insightful and interesting way, look somewhere else. If you’re less interested in the “sex” part alone and you’re looking for someone who sensitively and brilliantly talks about navigating challenges of romance, sex, and fidelity for couples of a wide variety of life stages, read or listen to anything and everything by Esther Perel instead.
I found this book to be truly insufferable. Schwartz seems to think that if you’re not actively pursuing sensuality (which, most of the time, she conflates with sexuality), you can’t possibly be living life to its fullest. She completely brushes aside the challenges some women face with menopause by simply saying that her experience with menopause was essentially that of a surprise missed period. In Schwartz’s view, if you’re not experiencing high sexual drive, then you’re either 1) just not having sex enough, because when you have it more you want it more, or 2) bored of your partner. What an overly simplistic view of why people (especially women) may not have or may not want lots of sex all the time!
Additionally, her tone absolutely drips of privilege throughout. I knew I was in for something when, on page 2, she began describing her “getaway” to Bali (one of many, many trips to faraway places she takes in this book—does this woman have a bottomless bank account??). This just further reinforces her complete lack of acknowledging anyone’s experience of sex and romance outside her own as valid.
Finally, the writing style itself is extremely cringe-inducing. Schwartz’s descriptions in general aren’t particularly evocative or imaginative. Phrases like “he worked on his body, and it showed” appear all over the place. A few times, she describes people as “exotic-looking,” and it doesn’t take too much reading between the lines to imagine what this might mean. Also, the descriptions of her sexual encounters are QUITE detailed. Yes, she’s breaking taboos of middle-aged women’s sexuality, but at a certain point her descriptions of her “body-rocking orgasms” and multi-hour “lovemaking sessions” became tiresome to me. As a cherry on top, the book is riddled with typos and poor grammar, and although this doesn’t change her larger points and ideas, this really puts me off as a reader.
If you’re looking for a book that breaks the taboo of women’s sexuality in middle age in an insightful and interesting way, look somewhere else. If you’re less interested in the “sex” part alone and you’re looking for someone who sensitively and brilliantly talks about navigating challenges of romance, sex, and fidelity for couples of a wide variety of life stages, read or listen to anything and everything by Esther Perel instead.
January 21, 2019
Although it's officially a memoir about finding sex in your sixties, everyone can relate to feeling "sexless" at one time or another. Schwartz is tantalizing, insightful, and highly readable. I followed some of her advice in my own erotic memoir, Gods of the Flesh.
February 23, 2012
* A mix of juice and pulp*
can imagine readers having one of two reactions to this book: being enthralled and captivated by the juicy stories of Pepper's dating life, or being annoyed and perplexed by her (variation-on-an-alpha-male-theme) dating dramas. And, yes, I had both of these reactions as I read the book.
Although at times this book did seem to be a collection of Pepper's journal entries appended with a dose of advice and explanations, the stories make for a stimulating (but, not in the intellectual sense) read. If nothing else, the reader's reactions to Pepper's dating dramas can provide a reference point for paving one's own path for (re)-entering the dating world.
The overall message of the book is as hopeful as Pepper's life is lustful: regardless of a woman's age, setbacks, or limits, she deserves to discover a life that honors who she is, and--in Pepper's own words--allows her to "stay lush."
can imagine readers having one of two reactions to this book: being enthralled and captivated by the juicy stories of Pepper's dating life, or being annoyed and perplexed by her (variation-on-an-alpha-male-theme) dating dramas. And, yes, I had both of these reactions as I read the book.
Although at times this book did seem to be a collection of Pepper's journal entries appended with a dose of advice and explanations, the stories make for a stimulating (but, not in the intellectual sense) read. If nothing else, the reader's reactions to Pepper's dating dramas can provide a reference point for paving one's own path for (re)-entering the dating world.
The overall message of the book is as hopeful as Pepper's life is lustful: regardless of a woman's age, setbacks, or limits, she deserves to discover a life that honors who she is, and--in Pepper's own words--allows her to "stay lush."
June 16, 2010
A well-written book by a sex researcher who re-enters the dating world in her 50s. She tells personal stories of her adventures, and then concludes each chapter with the professional and personal conclusions she can draw from each episode. While I'm not in such a stage in my life, I would like to see and enjoy the years past middle-age, so I'm glad a smart woman can have some fun.
May 31, 2014
In a society that's quick to make women believe they'll literally "dry up" by a certain age, one that provides a fair amount of negativity regarding the process of menopause, it's reassuring to hear a woman suggest it's possible to sustain and even encourage lifelong sexuality.
September 30, 2007
I want this one!
December 9, 2007
interesting read, just not sure that it really provides much in the way of practical advice. one to skim through and pass on to a friend.
Currently reading
January 1, 2010Amazing Read! Pepper Schwartz is funny, articulate and thought provoking!
December 29, 2008
dec 11 08 hardcover
autographed signed pepper
autographed signed pepper
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews