Kiss the Girls and Make Them Spy: An Original Jane Bond Parody

by Mabel Maney

Sometimes the Best Bond for a Job is a Jane ... Jane Bond.
"What's the story on Bond?"
"Your man is a homicidal depressive paranoiac," the doctor reported.
"I know that. I want to know what's wrong with him!
And be straight with me, man. No medical mumbo jumbo."
"He's lost his nerve." N. had suspected as much. After a long while spent staring at the jagged skyline of London, N. came to a decision. He had no other choice but to go through with Pumpernickel's ridiculous plan. Enter Bond, Jane Bond, James's lesbian twin sister and haoless bookstore employee, who steps in to masquerade as her brother at an awards ceremony with the queen. But when the dastardly Sons of Britain (S.O.B.s), a nefarious fraternity plotting to bring the Duke and Duchess of Windsor back to power, show up, it's up to some unexpected heros to save the day. The Powder Puff Girls -- makeup salespersons by day, secret agents by night -- step in to secure the future of Britain while Jane keeps her brother's reputation intact...both in and out of the bedroom!

Genres: Queer, Fiction, Mystery, Humor, LGBT, Romance, Lesbian

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Mabel Maney is an artist and author from San Francisco, California known for her lesbian pulp fiction. She is the author of the Nancy Clue series, a lesbian parody of the Nancy Drew, Cherry Ames, and Hardy Boys series. More recently, she is the author of the "Jane Bond" novels, a series of parodies of James Bond. Mabel's short fiction can also be found the humor anthology "May Contain Nuts".

Maney is famous for the quote "For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun. Then I realized that what I really wanted to be was a lesbian."

Mabel was born in New Jersey. Her family moved to the midwest where was educated and permanently scarred by dour nuns. She was one of four children in an Irish Catholic family in Appleton, Wisconsin where she worked in her family's paper hat factory. She graduated from Ohio State University with a Bachelor's degree in Journalism and received a Master of Fine Arts degree from San Francisco State University.

Reviews

[Peggy · Rating 3 out of 5]

In 1953, Ian Fleming wrote Casino Royale, creating British master spy James Bond. In the next 11 years, Fleming would write 14 books detailing the adventures of the suave and sexy international spy. In the 60’s, Clyde Allison (the pseudonym of William Henry Knoles) would publish 20 sexy parodies featuring agent 0008 in titles such as Sadisto Royale, For Your Sighs Only, and, my personal favorite, Platypussy. Although the Bond films have been parodied recently, no one has recently parodied the books. Until now. Mabel Maney, author of several girl detective parodies featuring Nancy Clue and the Hardly Boys, has turned her satiric pen on another icon, introducing us to Jane Bond, a hapless bookstore employee who just happens to be James Bond’s lesbian twin sister.

The book takes place in the 60’s, with appropriate cultural and fashion references. The gist of the story is that James Bond has lost his touch and been shipped off to a mental health facility to recover. However, he is also scheduled to receive a medal from the queen, so the loopy plot of convincing Jane to stand in for her brother is conceived. Along with this, the subplots include an all-girl spy ring, a plot to kidnap Queen Elizabeth and put King Edward back on the throne, and Jane’s budding romance with Bridget St. Claire, daughter of society doyenne Lady Emerald St. Claire and member of the aforementioned all-girl spy ring.

The characters are all great fun, from the hapless Agent Pumpernickel to the kindhearted but socially-challenged Lady Edwina Wooley-Booley. Menace is provided by Sir Niles Needlum, the grasping, casually brutal, totally incompetent Agent 008, and as in all James Bond books, the femme fatale Lydia Thorne. The plot is light and swift, and like all good spy thrillers, all of the varied subplots come together in a machine-gun rapid-fire ending.

The coolest thing about the book is how much you come to care about the characters. When reading a parody, character development isn’t usually what I’m looking for—I’m in it for the laughs. This book provides plenty of those, but also gives you reason to be concerned about the characters. You want Bridget and Jane to get together, and for Agent Pumpernickel to reach his retirement safely, and especially for Simon’s bookshop to survive. Although the situation is played for laughs the people aren’t, which added greatly to my enjoyment of the book.

[Kat · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved this book as a cozy spy comedy. I thought the characters were great and the British farce vibe brought into the third act was a lot of fun. I was in it for the queer chaos.

As a James Bond parody it’s so-so. It seems like that was more for marketing. It might have worked better as a general 1960s spy parody/farce. Though some of the jokes about James Bond were gold. Like that he broke both legs while trying to mix a martini on skis.

Overall though, I felt like the James Bond parody set a different expectation than what I got. What I got was a fully fleshed out universe with an all female secret spy agency operating in parallel to her Majesty’s. The characters were fully formed and not just caricatures. I ended up really caring for the characters in a way I don’t tend to with parodies since character development isn’t the main point.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

a perfect book to read after reading a book you ended up hating.

[Karl Kraus · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mabel Maney's first three novels are not only great entertainments but wickedly cunning parodies of the style of various children's series (Nancy Drew, Cherry Ames, and some Hardy Boys for good measure). Here there's little attempt to parody the style of Ian Fleming; imagine instead a spy thriller written by a lesbian P.G. Wodehouse, with all of the intrigue and complications measured for optimal comedic effect. I'm not complaining!

Five stars, although there's one astonishing gaffe. At one point Jane is being trained on how to hold -- and pretend to like -- martinis. Maney gets the "shaken not stirred" part right, but then we get a reference to "the taste of the vodka"! (Note to world at large: **There is no such thing as a vodka martini**.) A reference to "Belgian Congo" in a story taking place in 1966 is, by comparison, a minor matter. And while I'm at it, an editor could've caught "broach" (for the ornamental bauble; this is correctly spelled a few pages later) and "shepardess" -- but what the heck.

Otherwise, in terms of production values, HarperCollins didn't quite give this book the love it deserves. The text block is attractive, and the cover art appropriate, but the printing of the cover is cheap photogravure with blurry text. Cleis Press, which published Maney's Nancy Clue/Cherry Aimless/Hardly Boys novels, would've done a much better job. Oh well. Still five stars for cunningly constructed story that frequently had me laughing uncontrollably.

[Marsha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not a real fan of spy thrillers. But this novel could change my mind. It’s a ripping good send-up of James Bond films, witty, irreverent and lunatic.

It also manages to skewer almost every aspect of British fictional society you can imagine. From gossipy landladies to nouveau riche social climbers, murderous widows to lascivious lords of the manor, lusty maids and mod girls on scooters, there’s something for almost everyone. Etiolated British aristocrats long for the good old days when no one taxed the upper class, women didn’t have the vote and a man ruled jolly old England.

It’s a whirligig of a story with the action getting faster and faster as a crazy scheme to get rid of the queen snowballs into a ludicrous denouement worthy of a Joe Orton play. Mixed up withal this is the lesbian Jane Bond almost gangpressed into playing the role of her cracked brother James.

This novel is shaken and stirred. Whether you’re a JB fan or not, this book can’t help but make you laugh out loud. Jolly good.

[Shannon McGee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is was so much fun to read. You know that internet thing where we type "I'm screaming!" but our actual facial expression has not changed at all? Yeah, my lips actually moved into a smile multiple times. (Big praise, ha, but really.)
I bought this book on a whim, because I'm starved for wlw content, and now I'm waiting for the sequel, and the Nancy Clue series to arrive in the mail later this week.

[kj · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, it was just kind of… boring? I was so excited about it — I love spy books, I love sapphic books, I love campy books. But ultimately it just felt lacking. There wasn’t much actual romance (or sex, but that was fine with me). There also wasn’t a lot of spy excitement. The main character goes undercover to meet the queen at an awards ceremony, but everything leading up to that is pretty droll, and the event itself lacked excitement. I finished the book mainly out of spite, because I had such high hopes for it and hoped it would get better. There was nothing objectively bad about it, there just also wasn’t anything exciting.

[Franzeska · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bond's butch sister impersonates him and is equally popular with the ladies. Quite funny, though less of an over-the-top parody than the Nancy Clue books by the same author.

[Stef Rozitis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like giving it 5 stars because of how much I enjoyed tearing through this book and how much I looked forward to coming home after work to keep reading. It's not just that I like queer books, cat ladies and humour but it is that the particular humour in this book is so nasty and sarcastic (and definitely left-wing feminist) that it was just one big self-indulgent dark-chocolate truffle of an experience reading it (and trying not to laugh loud enough to startle the cat or annoy my son).

The cat lady was definitely a highlight and it was sweet that Jane and Bridget let her come along on their date and tell them old suffragette stories. I was disappointed that she seemed to be written out of the book after a while, going from a central character to an affectionately remembered margin. I guess that made sense in the action of the story...but still. I also wanted Cedric to find love. I really wanted Jane to fulfill her ambition of finding him a husband...yet it turned out to be the idle thought of a moment and lead nowhere.

I loved that Jane was far from dazzling, she was a pathetic loser in so many ways and that the womanising was largely by accident or through being too drunk to know what she was doing. If she was any better at it all she would have been as unlikeable as her famous "brother" who I have always loathed and for me the best part of the book was all the nastiness making fun of 007 and his hyper-masculine mates.

There were sex scenes, you wouldn't read this book just for them as there was far more plot than sex and they were James Bond sex scenes kind of stupid sex tableux more than full-on scenes. That was fine with me actually and did NOT detract from the rating but as a warning to people who read lesbian books for the sex scenes not to bother...

I would be embarrassed giving such a joke of a book 5 stars. My heart says it was good enough if only because it never claimed to be more than a silly romp of a parody. But Bibi and her mates ended up getting on my nerves so an admiring 3 1/2 it is!

[Ren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clever and enjoyable! A few loose ends.

[Ely Seeley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book immensely. Rarely does a book make me laugh out loud the way KTGAMTS did. The book is a fast paced, witty romp through a fictional 1960's England involving a group of undercover spies dressed as make-up sales girls, the queen of England, and an unlikely heroine (who is incidentally James Bond's twin sister). The cast of characters, though some have merely guest appearances, are all entertaining and humorous. I ended up really adoring the lead character, Jane Bond, and her sarcastic remarks throughout the numerous catastrophes that befall her. Oh, yeah, and there is a lighthearted mystery to top it all off.

[PVPA Library · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some laugh out loud moments, especially around some queer culture stuff. James Bond is unavailable to meet the queen (tied to a bed in an asylum) and the British Secret Service won't admit defeat. So they hire Jane (James's womanizing lesbian twin sister) to impersonate him. Bloopers ensue. There's lots of lesbian relationship drama. And who doesn't love GEORGIE, a secret spy agency of women whose purpose is to prevent the men from ruining the world? The author also wrote some spoofs of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, which I can't wait to read.

[Jordan Funke · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some laugh out loud moments, especially around some queer culture stuff. James Bond is unavailable to meet the queen (tied to a bed in an asylum) and the British Secret Service won't admit defeat. So they hire Jane (James's womanizing lesbian twin sister) to impersonate him. Bloopers ensue. There's lots of lesbian relationship drama. And who doesn't love GEORGIE, a secret spy agency of women whose purpose is to prevent the men from ruining the world? The author also wrote some spoofs of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, which I can't wait to read.

[Lauren Miliotis · Rating 2 out of 5]

A disappointment reading this after reading A Ghost in the Closet by the same author... that was a lot more fun. This one felt like it dragged on forever, but at least I learned something as an author; this type of story shouldn't have been written in a diary format :P

Two stars was probably generous, I can't remember the last time I was actually desperate to finish a book :/

*shameless self plug* Read my long review here! http://laurensplayground.wordpress.co...

[Rebecca Fowell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book. I have never read any James Bond novels so I can't compare style or plot etc. However as a parody it is very funny, and the character's are very likeable. The structure of the book is a simple layout and is not bogged down by heavy description, instead the focus is dialogue weaving comedy throughout. Jane Bond is a great character, stumbling into the spy game with her dry wit due to her twin brother James causing trouble again. It does what it says on the tin, a great read if your in need of a laugh.

[J.M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a lot of fun. Very campy, but very much a parody of the whole James Bond franchise. This author is apparently one for parody ~ her other books are a series of mysteries involving a teen sleuth named Nancy Clue.

I'm not a fan of mysteries by any definition, but I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It kept me turning the page until I reached the end, and I would definitely read another in this series.

[Shelley Pearson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got a Powell's gift card for my birthday, and my original intention was to spend the whole thing on stickers. When I got to Powell's, though, I discovered that their sticker selection was not what I remembered. My backup plan was to spend my gift card on trashy lesbian fiction, so I bought this book. I did not think that it was as good as the Nancy Clue books, but it was reasonably entertaining. I found the characters to be pretty likeable, but the plot to be sort of boring.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, one of my friends picked this up for $1 at a used book sale on a whim, and it's actually quite good. It really doesn't have all that much to do with the James Bond franchise at all, other than a few jokes (my personal favorite being "Amalgamated Widget" instead of "Universal Exports"); mostly it's just an amusing, campy mystery. Definitely good vacation reading!

[Ariel]

It's a James Bond parody novel featuring lesbian lushes and a top-secret group of makeup-selling spies. If that sounds awesome to you, you'll love it. If it sounds stupid, don't pick it up. I liked it; it was a decent parody with cute characters, and good for what it was, but hardly a work of fine literature. But again, lesbian James Bond funny spy novel. What did you expect?

[Shannon Luchies · Rating 4 out of 5]

Re-read. Cute, funny book about Jane Bond, sister of the more notorious James, who gets tangled up in 007 business when her brother goes missing.

Very deadpan, MOSTLY played straight (heh) with a very swinging sixties feel. Some of the naming puns and such get a bit much, but it's all at least chuckle worthy.

[Tatiana · Rating 2 out of 5]

she missed the mark with jane bond, i think. the girls actually have sex in these, as opposed to the nancy drew books, but it's not as fun. i think without the tongue-in-cheek 50's element it lacks that spark.

[Mike]

I saw this in the Children's section of a Goodwill store. I felt it was my civic duty to buy it so that little kids wouldn't question why the lady was kissing all the other ladies. I mean to read it soon, but that's going to be a problem what with my giant list of books I need to read.

[Mrs. Schonour · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a mature book about what James Bond's sister would be like if she had to pretend to be her brother. It's entertaining, but written by a British author so you have to appreciate British humor. I'd compare it to Monty Python.

[Lana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh, what the heck. Quick read, brain candy.

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love these Jane Bond books, they are hilarious. Sadly not every library carries them.

[Red · Rating 4 out of 5]

fun, silly, sexy, exciting, and utterly immersible. I love the whole series!

[yengyeng · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the better Bond parodies I have read.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it

[Rabbit {Paint me like one of your 19th century gothic heroines!} · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yes, this finally came in.

Edit: This was good at first, but after awhile it was meh for me. Not bad just so-so.

[Hawthorn Mineart · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really loved the Nancy Drew parodies. This was cute, but not nearly as subversive or fun as those.