I love this series so much! It moves so chaotically fast, and it’s beautiful because of it. We left off the last issue with Klaus being kidnapped, we own this issue with Klaus attempting to use a tv and his powers to communicate with a very asleep Luthor. He is able to drag himself out of the tv waves and get right up to Luthor to yell at him to wake up…before the TV fizzles out and breaks. Hazel and Cha-Cha did not appreciate that disturbance one bit, and apparently Klaus can’t break out using his main powers because they found his Achilles’ heel…shoes. Yep, Klaus can’t wear shoes to properly use his powers. And that actually makes a ton of sense. But through all of their torture of Klaus they know he doesn’t know where Five is…and is no use to them. But he was able to give them something useful…his Dad’s nuclear bombs. A line from the first issue didn’t make sense to me until now, in exchange for helping Kennedy with the Lincoln incident, Reginald asked to talk about Kennedy’s bombs. Seems he took a few for himself, and in order to make sure five is completely dead…the two ola to use the bombs to blow up the world. So no more time for pie, goo he Agnes and especially goodbye to Klaus. They blew his brains out…right there. Wow.
It is now time for Allison to hear the missing parts from Five’s tale back through time. Turns out he didn’t hop straight from the future to the past, he got caught in between by temps aeternalis. An agency dedicated to the preservation of time through manipulation, removals, and taking anomies, like five, and putting them to work. They took five (still in his older body) and improved him through surgery. Halting his aging and augmenting his form for training. They sent him through time and using his micro jumps he became the best corrections agent they had. No one was as special as him…although some (like Hazel and cha-cha) are a lot more violent. His commanding officer, an oranda goldfish that gained the ability to speak, took special interest in his work and began training him for something bigger. He began correcting specific and important individuals, all the while being completely unaffected by murdering people. So he did some digging, and what he found would have horrified him if he had the ability to be horrified anymore because he found his DNA had been bound to histories most notorious assassin. He has become every killer.
Five: “I’m the act of change possessed a revolver. I am revolution packed into a suitcase bomb. I am every mark David Chapman and every Charlotte Corday. I am Luigi Lucheni slow-dancing with Balthasar to the tune of semi-automatics, while Gavrilo Princip masturbates in the corner with bath-tub napalm. I am all of them and so much more…because I am going to live forever.
So who better to commit the most notorious assassination of all time? Who better to kill the president of the United States of America? They just didn’t expect me to rebel…”
Well that completely explains why Kraken is so weirded out by Five, and five also continues to prove kraken right, especially with his impulsiveness, by also buying a puppy right there when he noticed how cute it looked in the window, lol. He’s not a complete sociopath, he’s still got a puppy dog at heart.
Well Luthor being shocked awake by Klaus finally got him out of that bunker, although idk how he got up the ladder. Luckily he has just the tool for tracking Klaus, which led him right to the apartment and Klaus’ dead body…and right into the cattle prod Hazel had ready to shock Luther into submission. Crap, either he’s dead or captured…neither is good for Luther.
But death may not be a bad thing for a Klaus. He woke up in a penciled world and met god, well the current embodiment of god anyway. Klaus is agnostic, so who can really be sure. But apparently god is an old timey western movie cowboy, and actually doesn’t like Klaus. Which is why he is deciding to send Klaus back…just like that, with the additional advice to kill Hazel and cha-cha ASAP and to stay off drugs. Geez, god is such a drag.
As the issue comes to an end Allison, five, and his new puppy catch a meal at a Chinese restaurant. Allusion of course doesn’t believe him as he finishes his story on how he eventually escaped. Five does admit, he did lie about one thing. His fish commander…is a Shubunkin not an Oranda. But you don’t need to hear that from five, the bowler hat wearing fish in a jar on a human body it controls decided to show up and interject to show Allison himself. Five obviously doesn’t want him here, but he isn’t getting much of a choice with the hostage his old boss has on the other end of the phone. Turns out a few of his agents have five’s biological mother hostage a few days before she gives birth to him. Now he wants five to come along and follow through on the assassination without a fuss. He also thinks Allison should come as well. But she’s a bit confused, why should she care what happens to five? Well…it turns out his mother is having twins. Hahahaha. But I also have to wonder…why didn’t they just start with this?! Why did they have to send Hazel and Cha-cha, they want five to complete a job. Are they trying to set it up to kill him once he gets back?! Have Hazel and cha-cha gone off the rails a bit with the leadership or what?!