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I Know What I'm Doing and Other Lies I Tell Myself: Dispatches from a Life Under Construction
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Humor (2016)New York Times bestselling author and stand-up comedian Jen Kirkman delivers a hilarious, candid memoir about marriage, divorce, sex, turning forty, and still not quite having life figured out.
Jen Kirkman wants to be the voice in your head that says, Hey, you’re okay. Even if you sometimes think you aren’t! And especially if other people try to tell you you’re not.
In I Know What I’m Doing—and Other Lies I Tell Myself, Jen offers up all the gory details of a life permanently in progress. She reassures you that it’s okay to not have life completely figured out, even when you reach middle age (and find your first gray pubic hair!). She talks about making unusual or unpopular life decisions (such as cultivating a “friend with benefits” or not going home for the holidays) because you don’t necessarily want for yourself what everyone else seems to think you should. It’s about renting when everyone says you should own, dating around when everyone thinks you should settle down, and traveling alone when everyone pities you for going to Paris without a man.
From marriage to divorce and sex to mental health, I Know What I’m Doing—and Other Lies I Tell Myself is about embracing the fact that life is a bit of a sh*t show and it’s definitely more than okay to stay true to yourself.
Jen Kirkman wants to be the voice in your head that says, Hey, you’re okay. Even if you sometimes think you aren’t! And especially if other people try to tell you you’re not.
In I Know What I’m Doing—and Other Lies I Tell Myself, Jen offers up all the gory details of a life permanently in progress. She reassures you that it’s okay to not have life completely figured out, even when you reach middle age (and find your first gray pubic hair!). She talks about making unusual or unpopular life decisions (such as cultivating a “friend with benefits” or not going home for the holidays) because you don’t necessarily want for yourself what everyone else seems to think you should. It’s about renting when everyone says you should own, dating around when everyone thinks you should settle down, and traveling alone when everyone pities you for going to Paris without a man.
From marriage to divorce and sex to mental health, I Know What I’m Doing—and Other Lies I Tell Myself is about embracing the fact that life is a bit of a sh*t show and it’s definitely more than okay to stay true to yourself.
272 pages, Paperback
First published April 12, 2016
83 people are currently reading
6229 people want to read
About the author
Jen Kirkman
7 books166 followersJennifer Ann "Jen" Kirkman is an American stand-up comedian, television writer and actress. She is known for her regular appearances as a round-table panelist on Chelsea Lately, as well as for her appearances on the Funny or Die sketch series Drunk History and its 2013 continuation television series on Comedy Central.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 177 reviews
June 3, 2016
My face while reading:
I fucking love this book. I love everything Jen has written so far, and I can't wait for the next one. So amazingly put together, grounded, and with so many laugh-out-loud moments. I adore every sentence.
I fucking love this book. I love everything Jen has written so far, and I can't wait for the next one. So amazingly put together, grounded, and with so many laugh-out-loud moments. I adore every sentence.
April 25, 2016
As with most of these memoir type books, it was fine, but nothing special. Less funny than her comedy but not unfunny.
January 29, 2016
Comedian Jen Kirkman on Life After Divorce, Turning 40, and Finding Gray Hairs (Down There!)
(Full disclosure: I received a free electronic ARC for review through Edelweiss.)
So here's the thing about memoirs, especially humorous ones written by comedians and actors: if I can, I usually try to "read" the audio versions. Even though I miss out on the funny-embarrassing awkward family photos and cringe-worthy '80s/'90s pics, the trade-off is more than worth it. Funny people aren't just funny for what they say, but how they say it: much of a joke's charm is in its delivery. An audio book at least restores the verbal part of the joke (and makes the visuals a little easier to imagine). This is true pretty much across the board: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kathy Griffin, Mindy Kaling - I always find myself laughing harder when they read their books to me.
I suspect the same is true of Jen Kirman's second book, I Know What I'm Doing -- and Other Lies I Tell Myself: Dispatches from a Life Under Construction. (Her first book, I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids, is still in my TBR pile.) Kirman writes about her divorce (amiable, but inevitable); her brief stint as a cougar; her hep C scare (doctors, ugh!); maintaining a decades-long friends with benefits relationship; participating in an undercover blackmail sting; traveling alone; and dealing with overbearing neighbors. While the material is entertaining enough, I often wondered how much more I'd enjoy it if I could hear her perform it aloud. In some cases, I didn't have to wonder: the chapter on finding gray public hairs was part of her Netflix special, I'm Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine), which I love-love-loved.
Kirkman is best when deconstructing sexism, especially in the comedy circuit.
"I admired Joan for being one of the only stand-up comedians who also happened to be a woman at a time when women weren’t supposed to be doing do men’s jobs, least of all comedy. Women weren’t supposed to be funny. Women weren’t supposed to speak their truth about how hard it is to be pregnant and feel sexy. Women weren’t supposed to talk about abortion, being single, sex with their husbands—not even in private, let alone on television. Also, I say “stand-up who also happened to be a woman” because I don’t believe in saying “female comedian.” A comedian is a comedian is a comedian. “Female” is not a type of comedy. You can say that someone is a one-liner comic, a storyteller, a prop comic, or a shitty comic, but when you write “female” it’s implied that male is what a comic really is and a female comic is a lesser version. It also implies that females only talk about “one thing”—being female, and that men, just regular old comedians, discuss more important, universal things. You know, like their dicks."
(Her memories of the late Joan Rivers left me a little misty-eyed. Just a wee bit.)
Kirkman says that she doesn't want to teach, she just wants to do comedy - which is totally understandable! - yet she's so damn good at it. Witty and acerbic and take no prisoners. (It's a joy to watch her eviscerate Twitter trolls.) I'd be lying if I said I didn't want more of that. But I get it. Who wants to answer the same tired old questions, year after year?
Anyway, if you're familiar with Kirkman's stand-up, that's a pretty good indication of the book's style and substance. I still prefer a full A/V performance, though!
3 stars for the print book, with a probable 4-star rating for the audio version.
P.S. Vegetarian gravy exists, and it is heavenly!
P.P.S. Fishes are animals too!
http://www.easyvegan.info/2016/04/13/...
(Full disclosure: I received a free electronic ARC for review through Edelweiss.)
So here's the thing about memoirs, especially humorous ones written by comedians and actors: if I can, I usually try to "read" the audio versions. Even though I miss out on the funny-embarrassing awkward family photos and cringe-worthy '80s/'90s pics, the trade-off is more than worth it. Funny people aren't just funny for what they say, but how they say it: much of a joke's charm is in its delivery. An audio book at least restores the verbal part of the joke (and makes the visuals a little easier to imagine). This is true pretty much across the board: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kathy Griffin, Mindy Kaling - I always find myself laughing harder when they read their books to me.
I suspect the same is true of Jen Kirman's second book, I Know What I'm Doing -- and Other Lies I Tell Myself: Dispatches from a Life Under Construction. (Her first book, I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids, is still in my TBR pile.) Kirman writes about her divorce (amiable, but inevitable); her brief stint as a cougar; her hep C scare (doctors, ugh!); maintaining a decades-long friends with benefits relationship; participating in an undercover blackmail sting; traveling alone; and dealing with overbearing neighbors. While the material is entertaining enough, I often wondered how much more I'd enjoy it if I could hear her perform it aloud. In some cases, I didn't have to wonder: the chapter on finding gray public hairs was part of her Netflix special, I'm Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine), which I love-love-loved.
Kirkman is best when deconstructing sexism, especially in the comedy circuit.
"I admired Joan for being one of the only stand-up comedians who also happened to be a woman at a time when women weren’t supposed to be doing do men’s jobs, least of all comedy. Women weren’t supposed to be funny. Women weren’t supposed to speak their truth about how hard it is to be pregnant and feel sexy. Women weren’t supposed to talk about abortion, being single, sex with their husbands—not even in private, let alone on television. Also, I say “stand-up who also happened to be a woman” because I don’t believe in saying “female comedian.” A comedian is a comedian is a comedian. “Female” is not a type of comedy. You can say that someone is a one-liner comic, a storyteller, a prop comic, or a shitty comic, but when you write “female” it’s implied that male is what a comic really is and a female comic is a lesser version. It also implies that females only talk about “one thing”—being female, and that men, just regular old comedians, discuss more important, universal things. You know, like their dicks."
(Her memories of the late Joan Rivers left me a little misty-eyed. Just a wee bit.)
Kirkman says that she doesn't want to teach, she just wants to do comedy - which is totally understandable! - yet she's so damn good at it. Witty and acerbic and take no prisoners. (It's a joy to watch her eviscerate Twitter trolls.) I'd be lying if I said I didn't want more of that. But I get it. Who wants to answer the same tired old questions, year after year?
Anyway, if you're familiar with Kirkman's stand-up, that's a pretty good indication of the book's style and substance. I still prefer a full A/V performance, though!
3 stars for the print book, with a probable 4-star rating for the audio version.
P.S. Vegetarian gravy exists, and it is heavenly!
P.P.S. Fishes are animals too!
http://www.easyvegan.info/2016/04/13/...
April 22, 2016
I just couldn’t really get into this book. It was definitely funny, there were some parts that made me laugh out loud. But I’m a married woman who is looking to have children so I think I just wasn’t in the target audience for this book that makes fun of married woman who have/want to have children for 200 pages. Was a funny read but I would probably only recommend it to people who are divorced or who have no interest in getting married or who have no interest in having children. See my full review here: I Know What I'm Doing
May 4, 2016
Save your money. It's many of the same jokes she already said for free on television.
May 28, 2017
Biased because I am a Jen Kirkman Superfan. I read her previous book before knowing who she was, watched all of her comedy specials on Netflix, and listen to her weekly podcast I Seem Fun. This was a touching, bittersweet, and laugh-out-loud funny book about finding yourself again as a woman over 40. Highly recommend especially to women going through a divorce, but good, enjoyable read for anyone who appreciates a smart, funny, strong woman.
September 18, 2019
I don’t like misleading covers/titles. I thought this was going to be a humorous collection of essays about aging and life changes, but it was pretty goddamned depressing. Loved Jen on Chelsea Lately, but haven’t watched her standup (yet) nor read her previous book (skipping). I just couldn’t really relate to this at all. That’s not her fault, but it affects my memoir enjoyment. Awarding an extra star for her honesty.
June 2, 2018
I loved this book. I've seen her one stand up special on Netflix, but it didn't make me laugh quite like her book.
Jen Kirkman has been married and divorced, and now she travels the world manless to do her specials. She sheds light on some of the terrible things people say to us girls that like being unmarried and childless. After all, like she titled her last book, we can barely take care of ourselves. This is why I was able to connect with the material. She talks about feminism and the double standards, all of which I'm glad she addresses.
Halfway through the book, I was unsure how I would feel. She spent much of the first quarter of the book talking about her divorce and the second quarter of it talking about the immediate aftermath. It wasn't clicking for me. She gave a list of warning signs that maybe marriage isn't for you, every box checked off for me. When she transitioned into talking about other relationships and traveling the world, that is where the book really took off for me.
Jen is writing to the women that enjoy being single, that don't need kids or a man to make them feel fulfilled. If you're someone easily threatened by these women, the book isn't for you. But if you are one of these women, you can read this and rest easy that you are not alone.
Jen Kirkman has been married and divorced, and now she travels the world manless to do her specials. She sheds light on some of the terrible things people say to us girls that like being unmarried and childless. After all, like she titled her last book, we can barely take care of ourselves. This is why I was able to connect with the material. She talks about feminism and the double standards, all of which I'm glad she addresses.
Halfway through the book, I was unsure how I would feel. She spent much of the first quarter of the book talking about her divorce and the second quarter of it talking about the immediate aftermath. It wasn't clicking for me. She gave a list of warning signs that maybe marriage isn't for you, every box checked off for me. When she transitioned into talking about other relationships and traveling the world, that is where the book really took off for me.
Jen is writing to the women that enjoy being single, that don't need kids or a man to make them feel fulfilled. If you're someone easily threatened by these women, the book isn't for you. But if you are one of these women, you can read this and rest easy that you are not alone.
December 10, 2017
2 stars. Not really sure why I even bothered to finish listening to it, perhaps I kept expecting it to get better? It didn't. I was bored, it felt pointless, long, contrived, and lacking any depth. Definitely not one I'd listen to again or bother trying the written version in case it's somehow better. I'd probably even return this one to Audible if I hadn't gotten it on a 2-for-1 sale.
(note: returned audiobook to Audible)
(note: returned audiobook to Audible)
April 17, 2016
I've been a fan of Jen Kirkman since her last book "I Can Barely Take Care of Myself." And while yes, she is a comedian it's not a joke book - it's a collection of stories of various times in her life where she thought she knew what she was doing but was all wrong. It's humorous and oh so relatable, because come on haven't we all been there? Read it.
June 1, 2016
Parts of this book were funny. But after the first 50 pages I found myself skipping certain stories. For some reason books like this need to be extremely compelling to keep my attention and for some reason this one didn't.
November 2, 2016
A lot of fun chapters with superbly picked quotes--that is an art to pair your chapters with diverse quotes that can be inspiring, humorous, and direct!
Fun tales of travel and hard work and giving yourself a break for not being perfectly coiffed. I'm a fan!
Fun tales of travel and hard work and giving yourself a break for not being perfectly coiffed. I'm a fan!
April 22, 2016
This is my second Jen Kirkman book. I really didn't love the first one but every time I see her on tv, I think she is funny. I enjoy her feminist take on things but I just don't enjoy her books.
April 17, 2016
i liked her last book a lot more. i just couldn't relate to this one, except for maybe one chapter.
October 24, 2017
Ive seen two of kirkmans stand-up shows on netflix and thought they were pretty funny but i didnt enjoy the book as much as i though i would which im actually really sad about.
June 22, 2017
Don't read this book if all you are looking for is jokes. This book is a lot more than that.
I could relate to a lot here. I am 27 and single and I run a team of 14 members. People know me in office as "the new female manager". I mean.... seriously???
People find it really surprising that a short, stout girl is leading a team of 14 well grown people(most of them over 30 and males). I can relate to how it would feel to be called as a "Female Comedian" instead of 'comedian'.
27 and single... 40 and divorced... relatable....
People of my age group are married, about to be married and few have kids as well. All of them are those "unwanted advisers" that I just hate. I love being single. It's fun. But when they look at me, they are like "ohh , you poor thing. Don't worry, you will find someone".
HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........
I am not interested in finding anyone. I am happy the way it is. But it is just so hard for people to accept. They think I have some bad past with some sad story.
Why God why???
well I won't go further about my life. But yeah, this book has inspired me not to care about what people say or tell and just do what I was gonna do anyway.
Never take a "NO" from others. It's my life, it's my shot and I will take it. I may miss but at least I won't regret.
There are really awesome sarcastic comments in this books that I can use to shut people and their unwanted questions and comments off.
Read this book to know the perks of being single and a female.
I LOVED IT!!!
I could relate to a lot here. I am 27 and single and I run a team of 14 members. People know me in office as "the new female manager". I mean.... seriously???
People find it really surprising that a short, stout girl is leading a team of 14 well grown people(most of them over 30 and males). I can relate to how it would feel to be called as a "Female Comedian" instead of 'comedian'.
27 and single... 40 and divorced... relatable....
People of my age group are married, about to be married and few have kids as well. All of them are those "unwanted advisers" that I just hate. I love being single. It's fun. But when they look at me, they are like "ohh , you poor thing. Don't worry, you will find someone".
HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........
I am not interested in finding anyone. I am happy the way it is. But it is just so hard for people to accept. They think I have some bad past with some sad story.
Why God why???
well I won't go further about my life. But yeah, this book has inspired me not to care about what people say or tell and just do what I was gonna do anyway.
Never take a "NO" from others. It's my life, it's my shot and I will take it. I may miss but at least I won't regret.
There are really awesome sarcastic comments in this books that I can use to shut people and their unwanted questions and comments off.
Read this book to know the perks of being single and a female.
I LOVED IT!!!
October 29, 2019
I enjoyed listening to the continuation of Jen Kirkman's life and exploits in her new book. She is a successful single woman, but as every successful single woman knows, society judges success by your marital status and the amount of children one has. Now that she has zero, she relishes the amount of freedom that that affords. I like how she sees the humor in situations that go less than perfect for her, she has the maturity to accept the outcomes in each of them. She also talks about intimate subjects that would embarrass most women, but draws strength from her candor, because she knows she's not alone.
A mostly funny portrait of a life well-lived through hard work, grabbing opportunities as they come, and knowing what one wants in life.
A mostly funny portrait of a life well-lived through hard work, grabbing opportunities as they come, and knowing what one wants in life.
December 19, 2016
I've never seen Jen Kirkman on tv or anything, so this book was my first introduction to her....and probably last.
I was hoping that her background in stand up would make her a great storyteller but I found most of the chapters very boring and dull. I don't mind a little exaggeration to make the story better, but I think a lot of the tales were just made up, or an imagined worst case scenario.
Also, like the title says, Jen definitely lies to herself. If you want to hear someone justify bad behaviors or make excuses for herself, then this book is all about that.
I was hoping that her background in stand up would make her a great storyteller but I found most of the chapters very boring and dull. I don't mind a little exaggeration to make the story better, but I think a lot of the tales were just made up, or an imagined worst case scenario.
Also, like the title says, Jen definitely lies to herself. If you want to hear someone justify bad behaviors or make excuses for herself, then this book is all about that.
October 12, 2016
What a disappointment this book was... Contrary to the promises of it being very funny I found it flat and whiny. The concept is not new either - I believe this has been done already (and much better) by Elizabeth Gilbert. Although I am sure it was very helpful to Jen's self healing and building her own personality to be writing down these experiences I strongly believe they should have stayed in her personal journal on her bed table.
March 10, 2017
Failed to connect. This was a huge rant on divorce, being single, with a sort of 'envy' and 'eff-you' attitude towards people still married, and it read rather bitter and not exactly funny. Not what I'd categorize as a humorous book or even a funny look at the situation of a woman who finds herself single after divorce.
November 6, 2017
It's with a heavy heart that I can't recommend this book because Jen Kirkman is one of my favorite comedians. If you haven't seen her Netflix specials stop what you're doing and go.
I think I didn't like it because the entire first half was about justifying her divorce. Neither she nor her husband had any kids so why would I care if you get a divorce or not? Do what you want.
I think I didn't like it because the entire first half was about justifying her divorce. Neither she nor her husband had any kids so why would I care if you get a divorce or not? Do what you want.
October 23, 2017
I received a copy of this in a giveaway here, and I was excited to read it because I found the author, Jen Kirkman, funny when she was on Chelsea Lately. However, I didn’t find this book very funny. It was okay. I think I laughed a couple times. I guess I thought it would be a little more funny.
April 22, 2016
Meh. I like Jen Kirkman, so I wanted to like this book. Some of the stories were humorous, but overall it wasn't my favorite.
June 9, 2016
I bought this after hearing an interview with her. It might just be my time at life, by the first portion and end of the book were great, but a lot of the middle stuff wasn't really for me.
September 13, 2016
I loved this so much. Highly, highly recommend.
October 15, 2016
Funny and insightful
November 4, 2016
3.5 ⭐️
For comedy, it was a decent read. I laughed out loud and nodded at some of her insight about making a living as a female comic. Kudos to her for me taking extra notes and making highlights
For comedy, it was a decent read. I laughed out loud and nodded at some of her insight about making a living as a female comic. Kudos to her for me taking extra notes and making highlights
November 21, 2016
I kept waiting for the funny. I already know divorce sucks. Seemed like the writer was just reading her diary. 11/21/2016 (Did not finish)
December 6, 2016
Mildly funny and quirky.
Listened to this as audio book read by the author which was kinda cool.
Listened to this as audio book read by the author which was kinda cool.
December 22, 2016
I read Kirkman's previous go at being a memoirist, and this book just felt like more of the same.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 177 reviews