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Parenting is Heart Work
If you're like most parents, you have developed your own parenting strategy—sometimes it seems to work, and other times—based on the way your child behaves—you wonder if it's working at all. There are countless ways to try to get a child's attention and to effect change—but here's the truth—unless you deal with a child through his or her heart, you are not likely to see lasting change.
In this breakthrough book, Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN, reveal how you can learn to truly reach your child's heart to teach, train, and build a tremendous relationship.
Parenting is Heart Work gives you the practical tools an easy-to-follow steps that will revolutionize how you:
Turn Correction times into learning experiences. Equip your children to accept responsibility for their mistakes and meditate on the right things. Influence and adjust the values and beliefs your children hold. Maintain relationship with your children through love and emotional connectedness.
In this breakthrough book, Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN, reveal how you can learn to truly reach your child's heart to teach, train, and build a tremendous relationship.
Parenting is Heart Work gives you the practical tools an easy-to-follow steps that will revolutionize how you:
Turn Correction times into learning experiences. Equip your children to accept responsibility for their mistakes and meditate on the right things. Influence and adjust the values and beliefs your children hold. Maintain relationship with your children through love and emotional connectedness.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
108 people are currently reading
563 people want to read
About the author
Scott Turansky
30 books13 followersScott Turansky has been a pastor and missionary for more than 33 years and is an author of several books. In addition to pastoring full time, Scott also conducts parenting seminars on Saturdays around the United States (effectiveparenting.org). He is the cofounder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting (biblicalparenting.org) and has co-authored four books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
March 26, 2015
This was a great book that lays out how to reach your children's hearts, not just change outward behavior. It's filled with biblical and contemporary examples of heart change and problems of the heart. I've read a number of books by the same author, and I always love their philosophies and ideas.
Personally, these are my take-aways:
1) To know the hearts of our children, we need to LISTEN to them. If we ignore them or shush them when they have a lot to say, they will eventually clam up and no longer share their hearts with us. Connect with them, build the relationship.
2) Help kids to identify and process emotions, especially strong ones. Don't try to get them to just ignore them or suppress them, but teach them to deal with them, evaluate them (using a 1-10 scale if necessary), and help them to recognize the deeper heart issues involved and how they can be spending energy solving problems rather than being stuck only in the emotions.
3) Point out underlying heart/character issues when dealing with behavior. Don't just reward and punish, but talk to them about WHY the behavior is wrong (lack of self-control, selfishness, bitterness, jealousy, laziness, disrespect, etc) and what the end goal of their heart change should be.
4) Don't lecture, don't just spout off solutions w/o empathizing, don't harp on criticism
5) Don't overindulge, it leads to ungratefulness...not just for material wants, but whatever it is that they get 'too much of', even if it's something like allowing them to interrupt.
6) Change the self-talk in their heads. They may have alot of negative or mis-guided ideas running through their heads... point out logical fallacies and plant new scripts in their head to counter the effects of their wrong thinking. (Kids often have ideas in their head like "They don't love me if they don't give me what I want", or "I deserve this because...", or "If I mess up, no one will like me", etc.)
7) Teach them to value correction as a way to learn and grow. Great illustration of walking around with toilet paper hanging out your backside...when the kids point it out, tell them you don't want to hear it, they're wrong, accusing them to picking on you, tell them not to point out problems, blame someone else, (all the same reactions people have when they don't want to listen to correction)....the point is, sometimes correction is needed and warranted, and it's there to HELP the person (in the illustration, help them to know they have toilet paper stuck on their back, resulting ).
Personally, these are my take-aways:
1) To know the hearts of our children, we need to LISTEN to them. If we ignore them or shush them when they have a lot to say, they will eventually clam up and no longer share their hearts with us. Connect with them, build the relationship.
2) Help kids to identify and process emotions, especially strong ones. Don't try to get them to just ignore them or suppress them, but teach them to deal with them, evaluate them (using a 1-10 scale if necessary), and help them to recognize the deeper heart issues involved and how they can be spending energy solving problems rather than being stuck only in the emotions.
3) Point out underlying heart/character issues when dealing with behavior. Don't just reward and punish, but talk to them about WHY the behavior is wrong (lack of self-control, selfishness, bitterness, jealousy, laziness, disrespect, etc) and what the end goal of their heart change should be.
4) Don't lecture, don't just spout off solutions w/o empathizing, don't harp on criticism
5) Don't overindulge, it leads to ungratefulness...not just for material wants, but whatever it is that they get 'too much of', even if it's something like allowing them to interrupt.
6) Change the self-talk in their heads. They may have alot of negative or mis-guided ideas running through their heads... point out logical fallacies and plant new scripts in their head to counter the effects of their wrong thinking. (Kids often have ideas in their head like "They don't love me if they don't give me what I want", or "I deserve this because...", or "If I mess up, no one will like me", etc.)
7) Teach them to value correction as a way to learn and grow. Great illustration of walking around with toilet paper hanging out your backside...when the kids point it out, tell them you don't want to hear it, they're wrong, accusing them to picking on you, tell them not to point out problems, blame someone else, (all the same reactions people have when they don't want to listen to correction)....the point is, sometimes correction is needed and warranted, and it's there to HELP the person (in the illustration, help them to know they have toilet paper stuck on their back, resulting ).
January 2, 2023
If you are a parent, this book is a MUST READ.
I’ve read a lot of other parenting books, but this one FAR EXCEEDS them all.
My biggest regret is not reading this book earlier. I was reading my highlights to Will on the way home from FL yesterday, and he finally asked me if I underlined the entire book. (Pretty much! 😂)
Do not wait to read this book. Get it & read it asap. You will thank me later!
We had some well-meaning friends recommend some really horrible parenting books when we were new parents. I wish we had known about this one back then!
I do NOT recommend Babywise, To Train Up a Child, or Raising Godly Tomatoes. IMO, those three advocate for abuse. Shepherding a Child’s Heart has some good nuggets but also some questionable methods and is just “meh” compared to this one.
Seriously, get it and read it asap.
I’ve read a lot of other parenting books, but this one FAR EXCEEDS them all.
My biggest regret is not reading this book earlier. I was reading my highlights to Will on the way home from FL yesterday, and he finally asked me if I underlined the entire book. (Pretty much! 😂)
Do not wait to read this book. Get it & read it asap. You will thank me later!
We had some well-meaning friends recommend some really horrible parenting books when we were new parents. I wish we had known about this one back then!
I do NOT recommend Babywise, To Train Up a Child, or Raising Godly Tomatoes. IMO, those three advocate for abuse. Shepherding a Child’s Heart has some good nuggets but also some questionable methods and is just “meh” compared to this one.
Seriously, get it and read it asap.
November 13, 2012
I can state with confidence that this is my favorite parenting book. I also read it faster than I have ever read a parenting book. It is well-written, engaging, practical, biblically solid and encouraging. With how many authors and speakers emphasize the formative years, I often sense the message that it's "too late" for those of us parenting children in elementary through high school years. The authors gave me hope that I could implement the book's very practical philosophy and action steps with the anticipation that God will use me to grow my children's hearts and character.
August 5, 2015
As a Member for the Parent Training Center Blogger Launch Team, I received a copy of this product in exchange for my honest review and promotion.
I have had the privilege of reading and reviewing two of their other books, Motivate Your Child: A Christian Parent's Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told and the corresponding workbook to this book, Motivate Your Child Action Plan.
Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller have an outstanding compassion and understanding of how the heart works to motivate not only a child, but also the parent. When you say the title aloud, it sounds like "Parenting is hard work." I don't believe this play on words was a coincidence. Parenting is hard work. With the techniques of these amazing authors, parenting becomes about connecting with a child's heart. This then establishes a respectful relationship, where both child and parent learn what works best for their family.
Parenting is Heart Work is a book that can be read individually, or as a group discussion with other parents. There is a reader's guide at the end of the book that can be broken down into a ten or thirteen week study. Each chapter opens up with a Biblical story and how it can be applied to parenting. It also gives examples of many relatable scenarios we run into as parents today, and how to solve them from a Biblical perspective. The chapter then closes in a prayer.
The first chapter opens up with 1 Samuel, a book in the Bible I can relate to. The flow of the book is understandable and is almost like having a close friend there to give advice. There is scripture quoted throughout the book, and reading the scriptures and the prayers, just brought about a sense of peace with parenting.
I would highly recommend reading Parenting is Heart Work to anyone who is a parent or who is getting ready to become a parent. These books by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller have improved my parenting skills, and also my marriage. It is hard starting out as parents, because both adults come from two different sets of how their parents parented. Marriage is team work, and parenting also has to be a team effort.
Reading these books, my husband noticed a change in the way I was relating to my sons, and so he changed his parenting skills to mimic mine. We are relating to our sons' hearts and not just correcting or disciplining without explanation. It is important for children to know why they are being corrected, because it then establishes them as responsible adults later in life. Relating to their hearts and their individual ways of learning also shows them how much we love and care about them. Parenting is Heart Work is full of practical and wonderful parenting techniques that will last for a lifetime.
I have had the privilege of reading and reviewing two of their other books, Motivate Your Child: A Christian Parent's Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told and the corresponding workbook to this book, Motivate Your Child Action Plan.
Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller have an outstanding compassion and understanding of how the heart works to motivate not only a child, but also the parent. When you say the title aloud, it sounds like "Parenting is hard work." I don't believe this play on words was a coincidence. Parenting is hard work. With the techniques of these amazing authors, parenting becomes about connecting with a child's heart. This then establishes a respectful relationship, where both child and parent learn what works best for their family.
Parenting is Heart Work is a book that can be read individually, or as a group discussion with other parents. There is a reader's guide at the end of the book that can be broken down into a ten or thirteen week study. Each chapter opens up with a Biblical story and how it can be applied to parenting. It also gives examples of many relatable scenarios we run into as parents today, and how to solve them from a Biblical perspective. The chapter then closes in a prayer.
The first chapter opens up with 1 Samuel, a book in the Bible I can relate to. The flow of the book is understandable and is almost like having a close friend there to give advice. There is scripture quoted throughout the book, and reading the scriptures and the prayers, just brought about a sense of peace with parenting.
I would highly recommend reading Parenting is Heart Work to anyone who is a parent or who is getting ready to become a parent. These books by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller have improved my parenting skills, and also my marriage. It is hard starting out as parents, because both adults come from two different sets of how their parents parented. Marriage is team work, and parenting also has to be a team effort.
Reading these books, my husband noticed a change in the way I was relating to my sons, and so he changed his parenting skills to mimic mine. We are relating to our sons' hearts and not just correcting or disciplining without explanation. It is important for children to know why they are being corrected, because it then establishes them as responsible adults later in life. Relating to their hearts and their individual ways of learning also shows them how much we love and care about them. Parenting is Heart Work is full of practical and wonderful parenting techniques that will last for a lifetime.
January 15, 2008
I agree with the idea of this book, but there's not a lot of strategy given.
February 27, 2019
I have heard for years about behavior problems people say, "It's a heart issue." Yet I never understood what they meant. After reading this book I get it now. This book has been extremely helpful to me in thinking about how to change my efforts in correcting my child while repairing relationship with them. All while pointing them to our Almighty God. I also recognized my own heart change needed as a parent. This book is a great stepping off place. I look forward to learning even more strategies from the authors.
July 17, 2019
Wow! I feel like I could turn back to page 1 and start this book all over again! It’s filled with biblical and practical thoughts on how to deal with children (and adults!) at the heart level. I especially appreciated the author’s steps to bring about repentance and a change in your child’s heart.
September 7, 2017
One of the best books I have read about helping a child to mature. While we must be attentive to behavior issues, it's much more important to help our children mature their hearts. Our goal should be for them to be self motivated, balanced, mature rather than dependent (and likely resentful) or our external pressure. I have read several books on this topic. Maybe focus on what not to do and the importance of paying attention to heart issues which left me feeling a bit guilty and demotivated. I found this book encouraging and challenging. They don't provide easy to follow recipes, but they give examples and ask questions that will help you figure out how to be a better parent if you are ready for your heart to be grown and changed in the process of loving your children.
April 28, 2008
While we can do some things to modify behavior, the real goal of parenting, and discipling our children is reaching their heart.
This book strikes a cord with me. I'm struck by the idea that loving our kids means understanding the many facets of their hearts which drive behavior. This book helps me communicate with my kids on a different level, to try to see the heart issues. Ultimately heart problems may lead us to seek God's solutions. This is why this book is a helpful Christian perspective for parenting.
This book strikes a cord with me. I'm struck by the idea that loving our kids means understanding the many facets of their hearts which drive behavior. This book helps me communicate with my kids on a different level, to try to see the heart issues. Ultimately heart problems may lead us to seek God's solutions. This is why this book is a helpful Christian perspective for parenting.
January 26, 2015
This is a book I need to re-read often. I kept thinking that I need to take a chapter a week and practice each until it becomes habit. The little I did with my children worked wonders. I picked this book up out of desperation and it really helped realign my thinking. So thankful for the wisdom here!
December 31, 2015
This was a great parenting book. Gave some wonderful out-of-the box ideas on how to handle kids who are just tough to handle. When we want to wash our hands of these kids and give up on them, God can renew our strength, if we give them over to Him. Some great tips I never would have thought of. I highly recommend!
December 31, 2008
Another fantastic read by Turansky and Miller. I always find something extremely useful in their books. Not only new ideas or thoughts on how to parent, but other foundational principles that are always good to review!
March 27, 2013
The last quarter of the books contains the important application pieces. I think the book is well-composed, but the ideas are certainly nothing new. That is not to say that the ideas aren't helpful. Wisdom is still wise even when repeated and repackaged.
March 9, 2013
Wonderful book about how to help your children change from the heart and not just with outward behavior. Deep research, practical ideas on how to implement it all in family life. Excellent tool for all parents.
June 19, 2012
I hope to use these tips.
Don't just correct their behavior, connect with your children with their hearts.
I will need to refer to this book.
Don't just correct their behavior, connect with your children with their hearts.
I will need to refer to this book.
September 14, 2012
We are adding this title to our Parent Resource Center at Grace Lutheran Church Library. Dr. Turansky has positive, constructive ideas on how to raise children Biblically.
January 2, 2014
Good. I liked the ideas behind it, and I will be able to apply it more when my children are older.
April 12, 2014
liked the common sense Christian approach.
February 20, 2015
Great book! I've already made plans to read more by these authors.
February 12, 2016
I think this book (and any from the National Center for Biblical Parenting) could be a good place to start or even to re-evaluate as a parent.
June 20, 2016
A must read if you have kids! This book explains the importance of getting to the real source of the problem- a heart issue- not just modifying behavior.
April 16, 2016
This. Is. A. Vantastic. Book.
July 28, 2016
I enjoyed the book, but as another reviewer mentioned- there's not a lot of strategy.
November 27, 2023
I should say first that I read this right after reading Shepherding a Child's Heart (SaCH), and I'll say:
1) They are both AMAZING parenting books.
2) I think they should be read close together.
3) I found SaCH to be pretty frustrating because he is so matter-of-fact about really hard things. He doesn't give you as many practical steps and things to try/put in place. It feels like he just says, "I know it's hard, but you've got to do it anyway." Good book but frustrating as far as practicality goes.
4) I found this book to be SO much easier to hear and understand. It is so INCREDIBLY practical.
5) I don't know what order they should be read in, but I think reading this book second was good.
You hear so many people joke that kids don't come with a manual, but it's not funny anymore. Manuals exist and you should go find them. So many people want to parent better than they were raised, and I think this book is an excellent tool for that. I couldn't quite put into words all the broken ways my parents handled misbehavior and conflict when I was growing up, but this book articulates them so well. I really have hope that my kids will have a better upbringing and a better head start in their walk with the Lord if we can put in the good, hard work of putting these ideas into practice.
1) They are both AMAZING parenting books.
2) I think they should be read close together.
3) I found SaCH to be pretty frustrating because he is so matter-of-fact about really hard things. He doesn't give you as many practical steps and things to try/put in place. It feels like he just says, "I know it's hard, but you've got to do it anyway." Good book but frustrating as far as practicality goes.
4) I found this book to be SO much easier to hear and understand. It is so INCREDIBLY practical.
5) I don't know what order they should be read in, but I think reading this book second was good.
You hear so many people joke that kids don't come with a manual, but it's not funny anymore. Manuals exist and you should go find them. So many people want to parent better than they were raised, and I think this book is an excellent tool for that. I couldn't quite put into words all the broken ways my parents handled misbehavior and conflict when I was growing up, but this book articulates them so well. I really have hope that my kids will have a better upbringing and a better head start in their walk with the Lord if we can put in the good, hard work of putting these ideas into practice.
December 5, 2020
This is a fantastic read. We are in the throws of parenting. This book gave me a lot of language for things we are already doing and encouraged me so much. But understand that as you look at how to help your child, you will end up doing a lot of self-examination as well. I could immediately see the holes. The things I hadn't been taught and that I need to grow my heart in. So much of what we see in our children is a mere reflection of what is buried deep in our hearts. They are a great mirror into our deepest pains. But if you do the work and you help your child navigate their hearts you will see great fruit. It is not a behavioral focused approach, it is a heart focused approach. I love that because it gets to the root and is so much more effective than a band-aid. The book also provides a lot of practical's you can apply immediately to your daily rhythms. There's even a workbook study if you want to go deeper. I think every child deserves to have their parent read and apply this book!!
June 9, 2021
This is the best parenting book I’ve read. There are others that have had helpful nuggets, but this one connects in a way that the others could not. Most of my child-view of parenting and frankly, most other books focus on action/consequence. I love that this book is about a deeper child-parent relationship. It is very close to a parenting style that feels more natural to us while helping us with some places that we’ve had issues. The writing style is not my favorite and didn’t flow well in a way that fit with my processing, but I gleaned enough out that it didn’t detract from the overall message. If I had to pick one parenting book for a lifetime, this would be the one. I definitely recommend this to anyone.
April 23, 2020
Everyone should read this book. It might be more accurately called "A Tour of the Heart Through the Lens of Parenting" because it is filled with explanations and descriptions of the heart that everyone should think about. I appreciated the description of the heart is a place for beliefs as well as intentions. And the way the book explained how to view the connection between the heart and actions is so necessary in my view, that it would be worth reading this book for those sections alone.
May 2, 2018
My husband read through this, and said there wasn't anything life changing in it. I joined a book club recently and have been swamped with books that I'm wanting to read, so this one is taking a (potentially permanent) back seat. I did read the first chapter myself, and have to say I really resonated with it. So hopefully I can pick it back up again!
March 16, 2020
This was one of the satisfying and helpful books on parenting I've read. While at times it was a bit repetitive, and I wanted much fewer anecdotes, I found the advice on how to talk to your child, how to listen, and the specific uses of scripture to be very helpful. This wasn't as prescriptive as many parenting books out there, but that is really a strength for this book.
November 3, 2020
This is excellent parenting book. It should be required reading for all parents. The method is parenting to shape and nurture the child instead of behavior modification. You can modify behavior, but if the heart is unchanged the issue will show up in other areas. This gives practical help and tools so even good parents can be better and honor the Lord with their parenting.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews