Go Ask Ogre: Letters from a Deathrock Cutter

by Jolene Siana, Bonnie McLaughlin, Ogre (Foreword by)

Teenage hell has never been captured with such intense honesty as these actual letters sent in the late ‘80s from a suicidal girl to the singer of her favorite band. Go Ask Ogre peers into the world of a misfit "cutter" who lives with an abusive mother in the rust belt. A tailspin of suicidal depression and self-injury leads her to write Ogre, front man for the industrial rock band Skinny Puppy. Soon he receives a flood of elaborately illustrated letters and journals filled with Jolene’s most intimate thoughts—from her most painful secrets to hilarious observations and lucid realizations about her life and those around her. At a concert, Ogre confides to Jolene that he has saved all her letters. Nine years later, a box from Ogre arrives at Jolene’s door. Re-examining the documents, she realizes that writing these letters had saved her life. Go Ask Ogre compiles Jolene Siana's actual letters, artwork, illustrations, and ephemera into a unique and powerful story of an extremely troubled teen who made it through the worst years of her life, and, through the power of music and art, transformed herself in the process. It is heavily illustrated and full color throughout. Critical "Pure, lucid and engaging...more authentic for a new generation of young women than, say, the 1971 cautionary tale about drugs, Go Ask Alice ."—Susan Carpenter, LA Time s "Dark, funny and touching..."— boingboing.net "Cringingly confessional, persistently desperate, yet often uproariously funny. All rendered and packaged in labor-intensive psychedelic outsider graphic design. An overdue riposte to the bludgeoning morality of the fabricated Go Ask Alice ."—Doug Harvey, LA Weekly "By turns fierce, funny, heartbreaking and wise, Jolene Siana's Go Ask Ogre burns onto the page in an intense collage of words and images that together create a portrait of a gifted young woman fighting to hang on to her own life and choosing an unlikely—but strangely suitable—ally for her battle."—Caroline Kettlewell, author of Skin Game "Amidst the cultural and political corruption of the late 1980s, seeking and artistic teens like Jolene Siana found cathartic solace in aggressive and so-called 'morbid' bands like Skinny Puppy. That she persevered with the help of music that parents, preachers, and politicians condemned, but rarely tried to understand, is a moving lesson."—Alan Rapp, editor of The Journey is the The Journals of Dan Eldon and Dan The Art of Life

Genres: Music, Nonfiction, Memoir, Goth

180 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2005

About the author

About the Author
Jolene Siana lives in Brooklyn, NY and spends her time writing, painting, photographing people and traveling to Amsterdam every year.

Reviews

[Tom Schulte · Rating 4 out of 5]

Go Ask Ogre collects the letters, journal entries, and artwork created by Jolene Siana from 1987 to 2003. Siana spent much of her late teens in Toledo reacting to a dysfunctional family atmosphere by nurturing self-destructive habits and sending an avalanche of mail to Skinny Puppy vocalist Nivek Ogre. Certainly Ogre received much unsolicited correspondence, but he did nothing to squelch this largely one-sided conversation. Indeed, he fostered a friendship with Siana and they met on multiple occasions.

While Ogre obviously recognized something special about Siana’s missives, much of her written material is forgettable. The most engaging parts of Go Ask Ogre consist of her journal entries about their personal interaction (including helping bail Ogre out of jail) and her compelling gothic artwork. As a matter of fact, her book would have benefited from fewer words and more of her art.

I lived in the Detroit area at the time covered by Siana, attended some of the same shows, and even shared a few of her acquaintances. For scenesters from northern Ohio and southeastern Michigan, as well as hardcore Skinny Puppy fans, Go Ask Ogre will be sure to hold some interest. Also, the resources listed at the end suggest Siana’s tale is partly meant as a moral lesson on some of the extreme pitfalls of adolescence, particularly stress-motivated self-mutilation. If black candles, goth music, and razor blades are your only way of finding balance, I suggest you hear Siana out.

(My review from Ink19.com)

[Steve Messerer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Go Ask Ogre, Letters from a Deathrock Cutter, written by Jolene Siana, is one of the most powerful, sobering, and life-affirming books I’ve read in a long time.

The book is actually a collection of letters and journal entries spanning nearly three years, written to and about Kevin Ogilvie (aka Ogre) the lead singer of the industrial rock band, Skinny Puppy. Interspersed among the pages are incredibly detailed drawings, collages and photos (created by the author) that accompanied the original letters.

After reading the first few letters, it was obvious that they were not written by a star-struck fan, gushing accolades to her favorite front-man, but by a young woman with a sober and honest desire to connect with someone whom she shared true affinity. She also wanted, desperately, to unload some of her loneliness and teenage angst upon someone who would be able to empathize, and with someone who was not in her small circle of family or friends.

It is fascinating to note that Ogilvie only responded to one of her early letters, but that was enough to encourage Ms. Siana to continue writing. Later, while touring near Jolene’s hometown, Ogilvie made sure Jolene was added to the guest list and received backstage passes to his concerts. While reading the journal entries about Jolene’s backstage experiences with Skinny Puppy, you never get the impression that Ogilvie desired more than friendship; sort of a breath of fresh air compared to a lot of current rock’n’roll memoirs. Ogilvie, his band, and crew come off as decent guys who kindly looked after Jolene and her friends.

I found many of Jolene’s journal entries very sad and painful to read; self-doubt, self-hatred, and an abusive home life fuel what will become her “cutting” phase. These are powerfully private thoughts and while reading her confessions about how stupid she felt or how she believed no one liked her, I felt embarrassed because I have felt those exact same feelings before, I just never had the courage or confidence to write them down. You truly are reading words that were never intended for anyone’s eyes but the recipient.

What makes Go Ask Ogre mind-blowing and miraculous is the fact that Kevin Ogilvie saved all of Jolene’s letters and journals and returned them to her ten years later! He could have easily thrown them out but he held on to them for a decade. That’s another thing I loved about this book—the art of letter writing. All the letters were written, between February 14, 1987 and July 4, 1991, before the advent of email and social media. Jolene would spend hours drawing designs on the envelopes and mixing collage work with her own beautiful art; something that we rarely see any longer.

While reading Jolene’s personal letters to Ogre, we not only get the opportunity to briefly walk in her shoes, but we witness how cathartic and healing her near-daily exercise of writing becomes. The outcome is a truly unique reading experience that I highly recommend.

[Michael Roop · Rating 3 out of 5]

ummmmm...There ain't much I can say about this book that hasn't been said already here. I think if I were still an angst filled teen this book would be alot better read. Sadly I'm in my 30's and far past all the rebillion and angst of youth. I really wanted this book to be epic too. I think it's a great book. Perfect for teens and preteens. A great book to let the youth of today know they are not alone in their venture of coming into their own. I find it amazing that Ogre actually took the time to write her back and took the time to be there when possible. Something like that speaks volumes about Ogre vs. the public perception of "satan" music. After all the 80's and early 90's was the hey day of the satanic panic. This book speaks to the greatness of the human spirit and the compassion humanity is capable of. Again, this book is filled with rants, poems, gossip and teen aged drama all teens go through. Ogre's portion of the book in replies is that of brahman. Read this one at your own pace and discretion.

[Moya · Rating 2 out of 5]

my second time trying to read this book. i like the idea of it. the tone and the theme is right up my alley. i read further this time -- seriously, i'm probably 20 pages from the end -- and yet i still can't finish it. maybe if i was still in high school...still an adolescent. as an adult i find that it's just too self-indulgent, too self-centered, too woe-is-me. and i'm emo! in the end, i think i needed more context. volume. depth.

i'm marking this as done even though, as i said, i have yet to finish it.

[Lindsey Ruppe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely fascinating. A must read
For any Skinny Puppy fan. I skimmed a lot of Jolene’s letters just because so much was so painful but loved
The premise of this. And the fact that Kevin Ogilvie “Ogre” kept all her letters for decades proves what an amazing human he is. Loved seeing the “fangirl” aspect before internet took over the world and how some letters solidified a life long friendship

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who can relate to Jolene throughout her darkest years; suicidal, self-harm, drug addiction and finding an escape through writing, drawing and music - especially Skinny Puppy, I am very thankful she published this book to tell her story. My teenage self felt like she was in her room with her. Feeling everything she felt because my teenage self lived it. This book leaves a powerful message and that message is is that no matter how deep you are in the grips of depression and suicidal thoughts, you can find your own way to cope and move through it.

[Severin M · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had amazing artwork throughout it and the letters were really touching. It was hopeful in the way that only sad things can be. It made me happy.

[Stephanie A. · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Death is so mysteriously cool."

Picked this up in a bag sale out of sheer curiosity because I've never seen a book quite like it, but it also took me way too long to understand what it was. I really think the epilogue should have been the foreword, instead of just jumping right in with the first letter, sans explanation. Eventually I got my bearings, but that didn't lift my confusion as much as hoped.

You're telling me that high school senior Jolene Siana, class of '87, wrote fan letters that were basically moody diary entries inside admittedly well decorated envelopes...he personally read them, and...thought she was super-cool enough to occasionally write back and personally add her to VIP lists at any Skinny Puppy concert she attended? This feels like the setup to wish-fulfillment fanfic, minus romance. I just don't understand how this happened. Without Mr. Ogre (lol) weighing in, other than to confirm he gave his blessing for her to publish the letters, I'm so lost and confused.

As for the content, these are literally diary entries so I'm not judging on that merit. Haven't we all wanted to sneak a peek into a found diary? This is a good reminder that in real life, most people do not keep very interesting ones.

I recognize a lot of my own voice here though, between the mundane entries and the petty high school grievances. I would love it if I could preserve my own journals in legible, typed text and have it printed and bound on glossy paper, so good for her in that respect. I do think it's nice in general to have this example of an at least sorta-typical 80s teen* in the U.S. It's also nice that pictures of some of her art and decorated envelopes are included, though these are also not really to my taste, as well as several personal photographs.

(*Hold on while I have a quick breakdown about the fact that my high school years are now closer to hers than teens today....especially since when I WAS in high school, anyone who had graduated 5+ years ahead of me seemed to belong to an entirely different era.)

In the end, I guess I'm more neutral about it than anything, but about all I can really say is that this one is a bit weird. Added to the list of things I don't understand is why her publisher-friend thought this had the makings of a published book that could really help other teens Going Through It, though admittedly I did get bored and skim the second half so maybe I missed something crucial. And I've never heard of the band Skinny Puppy, partly because that is absolutely not my style of music; maybe it would be more of a hook if I had?

[Shanni · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite books. I read this book a long time ago but just am now getting around to reviewing it. This is an immensely personal and beautiful account of Jolene Siana's teenage years, in the form of letters she sent to the lead singer of her favorite band, Skinny Puppy. These letters became a form of diary for her, where she poured out her feelings and thoughts, along with brooding artwork. Although Ogre (the singer) only replied to a few and ended up not opening most of them, he did save them and end up giving them to her when she got older. The result is this book.

I think this is such a deeply moving portrait of how intensely and personally musicians can impact the young people that idolize them. Their music becomes an outlet for self-expression that can sometimes make the difference between life and death. Although in most cases, these teens will not have any correspondence with their idols, I think in a way, Jolene's story will seem familiar to many people out there who had particularly troubled teenage years and found some kind of solace in music. Through the letters, you get a portrait of a very thoughtful, disturbed, confused, passionate young woman trying to battle inner and outer demons and make it through alive. These letters--real, messy, scattered--convey the feeling more authentically than anything else ever could.

I found a very personal and deep connection with the book, sharing a lot of personal experiences with the author and a love of the same kind of music. I kept a diary that looks and feels chillingly similar to the letters published in this book. For me reading it was a touching and cathartic experience. As soon as I opened it, I couldn't put it down until I'd finished. I cried, I laughed, I was inspired. It reminds me that, like music, writing is another way we can share our pain and joys with each other as a reminder of our common struggles. Just as Ogre's music gave Jolene hope, I know this book will give many young (and older!) people hope as well. I really commend the author on sharing these letters with us and hope that someday I will have the courage and eloquence to share something like that with the world too.

[Stacie · Rating 3 out of 5]

it's exactly that...a 17 year old girl in the late 80s discovers skinny puppy, becomes obsessed with ogre, and starts writing him letters about random crap in her life. it's non-fiction. She is depressed and suicidal, but doesn't want to be. it's fascinating in a fucked up way. it reminds me so much of being that age, and of people i knew when i was that age. (you probably shouldn't read too much into that.) she puts art on all the letters and envelopes, some of which are shown in the book, and that art is in the same style as some of my high school friends. is that just the art of the dispossessed teen? how weird to think that it's somehow inherent in the emotional state and nowhere near as unique to that person as it seems in the moment. since the book is actual letters written in journal form (and some journal entries) the writing style is utterly personal and is now stuck in my head. of course i did just sit down and read half of it in one sitting. it's weird, it's kind of thrown me into a pale shadow of the emotional state of being that age. it's an odd feeling.

disclaimer: a friend got the book at a garage sale, could bring herself to read more than 50 pages and sent it to me because she thought i might be interested. i'm a little horrified to see how strangely into it i am.

[Ellis Amdur · Rating 3 out of 5]

A collection of letters from a frequently suicidally depressed, chronically cutting teen to the lead singer, OGRE, of the group Skinny Puppy. A very well constructed book, with much of the artwork - particularly envelopes - that she sent her letters. It's not great literature - it was written by a teenaged girl, kind of goth style, with an emotionally abusive mom, who is intrinsically nice and kind, but miserable as a half-drowned cat. There's no great drama - neither high points or low.
But it is truly a worthwhile book - how better to understand the unfathomable mind of the kind of teen to whom people say: "You are such a lovely girl . . .and so talented. Why are you unhappy all the time?"
I wonder if this would be a good book to give to other teens in the same position. I think it would - IF it inspired them to find someone trustworthy and decent to write to or otherwise communicate with, so that all the pain has somewhere to go - and thereby, someone to help in holding it.
That this decent and kind man to the core was this man - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZAhL... simply shows the goodness can be found in the most unlikely places.

[Norman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I was really surprised how much I liked this book. A bunch of people recommended it to me, since I've always liked Puppy. Most who recommended it were cutters, themselves, so I thought the book would be more about pity in regards to being depressed. While there was some of that, most of the book showed the crap that someone went through growing up, and then a slow road to feeling better, and coming to grips with the crap that we need to deal with in life. I did laugh at quite a few things, and smiled at so much more.

My biggest complaint about this book is that it's VERY one sided. It's only letters and journal entries from Jolene. As a reader, I wanted to see Ogre's friendship with her in his voice, not just her journal entries. On the flip side, if I think about the lack of his voice, I do get the feeling that the recovery all comes from her, which does match up with my feelings in regards to existentialism...

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Siana has published her letters and journals that she wrote to Ogre (a member of Skinny Puppy) in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

The letters aren't surprising for those of us that remember our teenage years (or work with them currently). Non-sequiturs, numerous mentions of being bored and trying to find her place in the world all ring familiar and true.

For many (including me), it brought back memories of how much music meant to me as a teen, as well as her descriptions of intense relationships and friendships at that age.

I highly recommend this over other teen memoirs like "Go Ask Alice." There is no doubt that this one was written by a teenager. Also, Siana's epilogue is interesting and I appreciated her including a note from her therapist as well as a resource list and recommended reading.

[Emilymcmc · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars not just because my friends are in this book :) but because it is so good and honest. The author is a teenage girl with problems, no money, no adult-approved ambitions, a ridiculous haircut, the kind of girl that wider society finds to be beneath their notice, and she just refuses to be ignored — even when she’s writing to one specific person there’s a sense of knowing she’s writing to the world. It’s less of a novel than a headspace — I’ve never read it straight through but I’ve gone back to it many times.

[Daryl Barnett · Rating 3 out of 5]

This woman's personal story fascinates me but what the book is made up of; personal letters that she wrote to the leader of a rock band (which he kept and returned to her so she could make copies of the letters to create the book)is what is really mind blowing. I see elements in this style that I'd like to incorporate into the novel I am writing. She is on MySpace too. A very successful and well adjusted woman today, it seems.

[Liesa spring · Rating 5 out of 5]

I dont think i could say enough postives about this book. i dont classify it as a teen drama girly book even though it is in the teen section at the library because it just gave me so much more than other books have. This is the book that started me with taking up a journal. It also gave me a new perspective on bands and groupies and obsessive behavior. and the security in loving someone you dont know but feel a insane connection to through music...

anyways very good book, in my opinion.

[Darlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw this author read at a local bookstore so I knew I would like this book. Since the book consists of letters she wrote as a teenager, there is alot cringeworthy material-really who would want to publish their innermost 16 year old thoughts? Still, this book is funny and heartbreaking and I think many teenage girls could relate, even if they didn't have the rough teen years that the author had.

[Cassandra Carico · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is definitely not for everyone, but for me it resonated fiercely. My life mirrored hers in so many ways, but a little over a decade after. I did not use the same outlets that she did (i.e. writing to Ogre), but I see the benefits she derived from setting pen to paper and believing that her voice was heard.

[Jane Doe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I know this book isn’t really exactly supposed to be about Skinny Puppy but I didn’t really enjoy reading much about Jolene’s adolescent years… I felt really I could hear something like this from anyone and it started to effect my mood from the amount of negativity… also can’t understand why she suddenly forgave her abusive mom at the end? Stuck weirdly with me.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a pretty good book. It was actually a book of letters. Books like this and diaries always seem to have a more intimate feel about them. You are really seeing into someone else's life and their struggles. Sometimes it makes you appreciate your own life all the more.

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

What can I say... I totally dug this book. Yes, parts of it made me cringe and roll my eyes, but yeah. I think that's the point. It was sad, exciting, annoying, funny, and... hopeful. Now I gotta dig out my Skinny Puppy tapes. Oh, but wait... how will I play them??

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! based on letters sent to the frontman Nivek Ogre of Skinny Puppy and carries a theme of Ask Alice... but with great visual layout of photos, clippings and quotes from 80's goth songs. Pretty much a must have for Puppy fans...

[Sarah McCandless · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simply brilliant.

[Cha · Rating 4 out of 5]

It makes me wish that I had kept all my notebooks and journals from the late eighties.
Her vulnerability is truly touching.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this as it harkened back to my adolescence. She could have been documenting my teenage years.

[Rory · Rating 2 out of 5]

I need someone else to read this so we can scream a bit about it. I might just NOT have been the intended audience.

[Carlos · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you like Skinny Puppy you MUST read this book.

[Lilly]

one of my faves it reminded me of my journel drawings

[Filth · Rating 1 out of 5]

the existence of books like this should be a criminal offense.

[Mills College Library]

616.8527 S5629 2005