I have a few problems with this story. I had to force myself to finish it. At first, it just started out as little annoyances with the story. But by the end of it, I was just irritated at the entire thing.
As far as writing problems go, it’s awkward. The writing is just awkward. It doesn’t flow very well. Over half the sentences are choppy or run ons. The wording of things are awkward and unnecessary. “I hand unbuckled my seatbelt.” How else are you going to unbuckle the seatbelt. “Hand unbuckled” is just you pointlessly adding words. Then, over half the chapters are just fillers. There’s no advancing of the plot. If the chapter doesn’t move forward the main plot or a subplot, it’s not necessary. I’m not saying you can’t add that scene yet, but something else needs to be happening in the chapter. The entire book needs editing. When I made that note on my phone, the next chapter I had found out that the chapters that I had just read were edited. It was bad editing. If it was edited I shouldn’t still be finding problems in your spelling. Lastly, as far as writing problems go, the plot is confusing and unclear. Is there a plot? Is there a point to all of this? I couldn’t find one. What is their goal? Even if there is a sequel (and there is to this story) the first book still needs to have a climax. I didn’t see one.
Now, I got some character and actual ‘plot’ problems. Of what’s there of a ‘plot’ it’s not very well developed. It doesn’t seem like there was any planning to what was supposed to be happening. I’ll just go in order of the problems from my list.
1. If someone is constantly calling or texting you and you don’t want to talk to them, block them. It’s simple. Vena doesn’t apparently know that exists and spends a lot of time complaining that her ex-boyfriend is calling and texting her.
2. Vena and James relationship isn’t believable. It’s just whatever is convenient at the time. “Oh, I want them to hate each other right now, so they do.” Two seconds later, “Oh, I want them to get along, so they do.” There was no rhyme or reason as to why they suddenly didn’t get along, or why they were suddenly fine.
3. Vena claims James doesn’t care about her or anything, but he literally does everything. He literally was doing all the cooking, brought her out to dinner/lunch, helped her when she was having a nightmare, did the shopping, etc. But he doesn’t care?
4. The “sarcasm” isn’t really sarcasm, and if that counts as sarcasm nowadays it fucking sucks. It’s generic as fuck. “What’s up?” “the sky” is pretty much the level it’s on. That’s not sarcasm.
5. Vena is a fucking hypocrite. She breaks all, ALL, the rules her and James set up in the beginning, but she complains about James inviting people over. He lives there too. He doesn’t bitch when you invite your friend over all the time without asking him first.
6. Vena is obsessed with revenge. She wants to get revenge over stupid shit. “Oh James invited some people over. I’ll steal his phone charger and 12 sets of his Ray Bans.” (Who owns 12 sets of Ray Bans in the first place?) Who does petty shit like this?
7. Vena is a shit friend. She is literally the shittest “best friend” is history. Her “best friend’s” sister dies in a plane crash and her response is to tell him to “just get over it”. His sister just fucking died. He has to fucking grieve. What kind of friend says this shit? Drop that bitch because she’s no friend.
8. Sex/intimate scenes are awkward. They’re written awkwardly. It’s like 13 year old wrote it. (The author may be 13 I don’t know.) It was worded awkwardly. If you’re going to write sex scenes at least make them good and less like a 13 year old is writing them. I don’t care if you’re a virgin, it still shouldn’t be as awkward as the scenes were.
9. Apparently, people HAVE to be on the same intelligence level to date. I was unaware of that unwritten rule. Just because someone isn’t as smart as you it means they’re not good enough to date you. Just as PSA for you guys.
10. James and Vena’s relationship is just about sex. It really did just become about them having sex (and it was awkwardly written sex like I mentioned). At one point, James gets made that Vena doesn’t want to have sex with him. Red fucking flag! If someone gets mad at you because you won’t have sex with them, fucking leave. Literally, all this couple did was 3 things: have sex, sleep, and fight.