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Own It: Leadership Lessons from Women Who Do
'In a room full of pussies, I m the only one with a vagina. Dame Julia Walsh in the television miniseries The Honourable Woman #NotAllWomen are victims. #NotAllMen are the problem. But there s enough of both to warrant this book. Most women today are opting for careers over jobs, even if it requires them to play multiple roles with superhuman abilities. Meanwhile, men, at home and at work, struggle to come to terms with their changing priorities. And therein lies the chasm between male expectations and female ambition. Own It tells women s stories: the ugly, the happy, the rarely discussed, the unacknowledged, the whispered, the denied. Close to two hundred Indian women leaders across industries discuss the challenges they face in the Indian workplace and at home. Heads of companies, human resource directors and senior managers talk about issues like pay parity, harassment, promotion and maternity policies. Why is the workplace skewed against women and what are their own demons that keep them from breaking the glass ceiling? Thought-provoking and controversial, Own It takes the challenges that confront women in the workplace head-on without discounting the complexities of being a woman in an Indian home.
- GenresNonfiction
304 pages, Hardcover
Published February 5, 2016
8 people are currently reading
83 people want to read
About the author
Aparna Jain
9 books5 followersAparna Jain is a leadership coach and an advocate for diversity and inclusion in the workplace.
She is the author of Own It: Leadership Lessons from Women Who Do, which was awarded a Laadli Prize and was shortlisted for the Tata Literature Live Business Book Award 2016. She is also the author of The Sood Family Cookbook (2013).
She is the author of Own It: Leadership Lessons from Women Who Do, which was awarded a Laadli Prize and was shortlisted for the Tata Literature Live Business Book Award 2016. She is also the author of The Sood Family Cookbook (2013).
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
September 16, 2016
This is not a bad book to read at all. It makes you aware (if you weren't so already) of all the discrimination and challenges that women go through at work. It talks about how gender stereotyping is conditioned in our minds right from an early age and it just progressively gets worse.
Also, how do we ensure that our workplaces have 50:50 ratios, safe and equally positive working conditions for multiple genders, and ZERO discrimination when it comes to career opportunities?
It's an important question, but one that's largely left unanswered in the book. I think Aparna Jain has done a great job of researching, talking to women leaders, and writing about multiple things that are so wrong with our workplaces currently. She highlights things that shouldn't be ok - why is it ok to ask a woman for her marriage/childbirth plans in a job interview (In India, there is no law against this).
She also makes some great points about inclusion, and not just diversity. You can't add women to the workforce just for the sake of window dressing. You need to give them clear careers and a growth trajectory.
However, the only missing ingredient in this otherwise well-written and well-compiled book is that there are no 'leadership lessons' in the real sense. As someone who deals with HR consulting conundrums, I'd have appreciated it more if the author had highlighted some clear solutions as well.
Nevertheless, it is a decent read even for women who are not from India, because some of the fundamental issues stay the same across geographies and cultures. And I think it's high time we fized them.
Indeed, there's a Harvard study that mentions that organizations with clear diversity programs (not only gender diversity) are 45% more likely to innovate and 70% more likely to grow in new markets.
Also, how do we ensure that our workplaces have 50:50 ratios, safe and equally positive working conditions for multiple genders, and ZERO discrimination when it comes to career opportunities?
It's an important question, but one that's largely left unanswered in the book. I think Aparna Jain has done a great job of researching, talking to women leaders, and writing about multiple things that are so wrong with our workplaces currently. She highlights things that shouldn't be ok - why is it ok to ask a woman for her marriage/childbirth plans in a job interview (In India, there is no law against this).
She also makes some great points about inclusion, and not just diversity. You can't add women to the workforce just for the sake of window dressing. You need to give them clear careers and a growth trajectory.
However, the only missing ingredient in this otherwise well-written and well-compiled book is that there are no 'leadership lessons' in the real sense. As someone who deals with HR consulting conundrums, I'd have appreciated it more if the author had highlighted some clear solutions as well.
Nevertheless, it is a decent read even for women who are not from India, because some of the fundamental issues stay the same across geographies and cultures. And I think it's high time we fized them.
Indeed, there's a Harvard study that mentions that organizations with clear diversity programs (not only gender diversity) are 45% more likely to innovate and 70% more likely to grow in new markets.
January 14, 2018
A forward on the assertiveness of a young lady doctor in the armed forces on a alumni WhatsApp group of a company I had worked for triggered a discussion on the glass ceiling for women in corporate India. The ex-CEO vehemently stated that it was a matter of capability, tenacity, sacrifice and luck and there were many women like Chanda Kochar, Shikha Sharma etc who had made their way to the top. Another ex-colleague jumped in, stating that “With every organization targeting 50-50 female ratio up to Director level, guess it has never been a better time to be a female in corporate sector.” Unfortunately, data suggests otherwise. And personal stories even more so. The glamourized media versions of the women on top in corporate India does not throw any light on the difficulties and biases women face everyday at work.
Thus, Aparna Jain’s “Own It” is an apt reckoner that scratches beneath the sheen of the women on top. Jain interviewed more than 200 women leaders, the ones struggling, jostling and thriving in their own way, to shine the light on a part of the grimy truth – the lip service to “diversity and inclusion”, the grey and murky realm of harassment – sexual or otherwise and inherent biases – from the workplace and of the women themselves. This is not a lacquer coated, gilded book. It’s a book that exposes uncomfortable truths and poses equally uncomfortable questions.
80% of the incidents and anecdotes have had the interviewees’ named changed – it makes a strong point –mere expression of contrary opinions and narration of incidents can be detrimental to a woman’s career. It resonates with my own experience as do a number of the stories – funny, blood curdling, sad and enraging. What sets Jain’s exposition apart is that she does not provide quick and easy solutions and puts the onus on both the employers (the companies) and the women to seek a better outcome.
In “Biases, Bullies and The Boys’ Club”, Jain calls out the utter lack of consideration of women at work places. One interviewee states, “Men don’t really think about women and their needs. We are indeed treated differently than men.” The focus on a woman’s ‘behavior’ and ‘appearance’ than her work, micro-aggression and micro-invalidation (yes, they are not just fancy myths) and the sexually charged ‘entertainment’ at offsites and partner events – these are some practices that everyone, including young women, accept without a whimper.
“Pinstripe Predators” takes the roadside Romeo into the boardroom – the attire maybe different but the mentality and, surprisingly, even the language is the same. The power play, the need for the company to maintain its image, the ready acceptance as “chalta hai” adds to the fear, shame and helplessness of victims. The issue gets compounded when “sometimes men become bigger perverts when their behavior goes unchecked.” Then, at a less life threatening level, there is the linking a woman’s ability to her “charm” or “glamour” (sic) – thereby reducing her to a sexual object – if this isn’t discrimination, then what is? There has been an institutionalization of dealing with sexually predatory behavior, but with stricter rules and more power to the victims, the concerns then shifts to “with all the hassles, why hire women at all?” – indeed “one step forward and ten steps back”. And all this while top management never thinks of rapping the perpetrators on the knuckles and sending a strong message that it is not just “a bit of harmless fun”.
“The Man and His Mother” deals with the intricate balance of work and home in an Indian woman’s life – a balance that doesn’t really apply to the Indian men. Though I don’t subscribe to Rashmi Joshi’s words on choosing the right husband and the right mother in law, Jain’s take on honest conversations between working spouses is something all young women and couples should pay heed to. Parenthood and the middle management is where most women disappear from the workplace – either retreating into the householder’s role or taking the mommy career track, and this needs to be tackled by both spouses – till the workplace environments catch up to the reality that employees will have kids to tend to, a theme that carries onto “Pregnancy, pumps and paternity”. A quote summarizes the attitude of the workplace aptly, “Basically, how dare she have a baby while all of us work?” The need to prove their worth and relevance is even greater when a woman becomes a mother, leading to drastic and arguably unhealthy acts like going back to work within a day of their delivery. The myth perpetuates. Workplace and society puts an undue and unrealistic pressure on women; as one interviewee summarizes, “Basically, I was killing myself. I didn’t want anyone to say that I was taking advantage of the system.”
In “Diversity and Danda”, Jain summarizes the effects of the “diversity” push and the 50:50 ratio upto the Director level that my dear ex-colleague was pointing to. But “Women don’t want sops; they want support” – that’s the key element that distinguishes the ‘Diversity and Integration’ programs that work from the ones that don’t. And some of these hard looks at the company’s practices and culture helps men as well, because lack of respect for employees’ time and personal lives has “got little to do with hiring women and more to do with having ‘yes men’ around.” A study done by Catalyst for Wipro reveals that ‘The biggest ‘leak in the pipeline’ is at the second stage’ – when the woman is in mid-management and has her babies, and thus, different approaches are needed for different stages.
Finally, Jain puts the onus on the women themselves – calling out the stereotypes that women themselves fall into while climbing the ladder, hiding behind victimhood, martyrdom or simply being wallflowers. They want to ‘play fair’, be seen as a ‘team player’, not be seen as ‘self promoters’ or be ripped apart by competitors. Unfortunately, the rules aren’t fair or uniform and no matter how high a woman has climbed, she’s still exposed to these elements – Hillary Clinton is a prime example. Or in Elena Ferrante’s chilling words to all women, “Even if we’re constantly tempted to lower our guard — out of love, or weariness, or sympathy or kindness — we women shouldn’t do it. We can lose from one moment to the next everything that we have achieved.” And at the top, the stakes only get higher and there are no ‘safe places.’
Aparna Jain’s “Own It” is a stronger read that Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” because it doesn’t gloss over the struggles or trivialize the solutions – it’s honest and gritty and gives practical lessons for women to face adversities with grit and humor. A must read for all CEOs; a must read for all HR professionals. And a must read for all the women navigating their way through the Indian corporate labyrinth.
Thus, Aparna Jain’s “Own It” is an apt reckoner that scratches beneath the sheen of the women on top. Jain interviewed more than 200 women leaders, the ones struggling, jostling and thriving in their own way, to shine the light on a part of the grimy truth – the lip service to “diversity and inclusion”, the grey and murky realm of harassment – sexual or otherwise and inherent biases – from the workplace and of the women themselves. This is not a lacquer coated, gilded book. It’s a book that exposes uncomfortable truths and poses equally uncomfortable questions.
80% of the incidents and anecdotes have had the interviewees’ named changed – it makes a strong point –mere expression of contrary opinions and narration of incidents can be detrimental to a woman’s career. It resonates with my own experience as do a number of the stories – funny, blood curdling, sad and enraging. What sets Jain’s exposition apart is that she does not provide quick and easy solutions and puts the onus on both the employers (the companies) and the women to seek a better outcome.
In “Biases, Bullies and The Boys’ Club”, Jain calls out the utter lack of consideration of women at work places. One interviewee states, “Men don’t really think about women and their needs. We are indeed treated differently than men.” The focus on a woman’s ‘behavior’ and ‘appearance’ than her work, micro-aggression and micro-invalidation (yes, they are not just fancy myths) and the sexually charged ‘entertainment’ at offsites and partner events – these are some practices that everyone, including young women, accept without a whimper.
“Pinstripe Predators” takes the roadside Romeo into the boardroom – the attire maybe different but the mentality and, surprisingly, even the language is the same. The power play, the need for the company to maintain its image, the ready acceptance as “chalta hai” adds to the fear, shame and helplessness of victims. The issue gets compounded when “sometimes men become bigger perverts when their behavior goes unchecked.” Then, at a less life threatening level, there is the linking a woman’s ability to her “charm” or “glamour” (sic) – thereby reducing her to a sexual object – if this isn’t discrimination, then what is? There has been an institutionalization of dealing with sexually predatory behavior, but with stricter rules and more power to the victims, the concerns then shifts to “with all the hassles, why hire women at all?” – indeed “one step forward and ten steps back”. And all this while top management never thinks of rapping the perpetrators on the knuckles and sending a strong message that it is not just “a bit of harmless fun”.
“The Man and His Mother” deals with the intricate balance of work and home in an Indian woman’s life – a balance that doesn’t really apply to the Indian men. Though I don’t subscribe to Rashmi Joshi’s words on choosing the right husband and the right mother in law, Jain’s take on honest conversations between working spouses is something all young women and couples should pay heed to. Parenthood and the middle management is where most women disappear from the workplace – either retreating into the householder’s role or taking the mommy career track, and this needs to be tackled by both spouses – till the workplace environments catch up to the reality that employees will have kids to tend to, a theme that carries onto “Pregnancy, pumps and paternity”. A quote summarizes the attitude of the workplace aptly, “Basically, how dare she have a baby while all of us work?” The need to prove their worth and relevance is even greater when a woman becomes a mother, leading to drastic and arguably unhealthy acts like going back to work within a day of their delivery. The myth perpetuates. Workplace and society puts an undue and unrealistic pressure on women; as one interviewee summarizes, “Basically, I was killing myself. I didn’t want anyone to say that I was taking advantage of the system.”
In “Diversity and Danda”, Jain summarizes the effects of the “diversity” push and the 50:50 ratio upto the Director level that my dear ex-colleague was pointing to. But “Women don’t want sops; they want support” – that’s the key element that distinguishes the ‘Diversity and Integration’ programs that work from the ones that don’t. And some of these hard looks at the company’s practices and culture helps men as well, because lack of respect for employees’ time and personal lives has “got little to do with hiring women and more to do with having ‘yes men’ around.” A study done by Catalyst for Wipro reveals that ‘The biggest ‘leak in the pipeline’ is at the second stage’ – when the woman is in mid-management and has her babies, and thus, different approaches are needed for different stages.
Finally, Jain puts the onus on the women themselves – calling out the stereotypes that women themselves fall into while climbing the ladder, hiding behind victimhood, martyrdom or simply being wallflowers. They want to ‘play fair’, be seen as a ‘team player’, not be seen as ‘self promoters’ or be ripped apart by competitors. Unfortunately, the rules aren’t fair or uniform and no matter how high a woman has climbed, she’s still exposed to these elements – Hillary Clinton is a prime example. Or in Elena Ferrante’s chilling words to all women, “Even if we’re constantly tempted to lower our guard — out of love, or weariness, or sympathy or kindness — we women shouldn’t do it. We can lose from one moment to the next everything that we have achieved.” And at the top, the stakes only get higher and there are no ‘safe places.’
Aparna Jain’s “Own It” is a stronger read that Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” because it doesn’t gloss over the struggles or trivialize the solutions – it’s honest and gritty and gives practical lessons for women to face adversities with grit and humor. A must read for all CEOs; a must read for all HR professionals. And a must read for all the women navigating their way through the Indian corporate labyrinth.
May 19, 2019
The entire book is full of anecdotes from anonymized people recounting their (mostly negative) experiences of being a working woman.
There isn't substance / takeaways here and to be honest, half the book reads like a rant.
If you are an ambitious woman, there are so many more challenges than just being a woman and when you only talk about that one while naming the book "OWN IT" you really do minimize the gravity of some other (gender agnostic) challenges which also need "owning it".
There isn't substance / takeaways here and to be honest, half the book reads like a rant.
If you are an ambitious woman, there are so many more challenges than just being a woman and when you only talk about that one while naming the book "OWN IT" you really do minimize the gravity of some other (gender agnostic) challenges which also need "owning it".
May 25, 2017
It is an anthology of storied from many women, across several industries. But after a while, the book is repetitive, cried for attention, and sounds very negative. I picked up after i read Lean In, but am disappointed with the way Aparna has dealt the subject.
June 24, 2016
I found it a very okayish book. Wonder where is leadership lesson. 90% of the book was only ranting about the problems women face in the workplace. All the 'not so good' incidences from hundreds of womens' life have been picked up and made into one book. It is written in a very very negative tone. Poor mother in laws - one chapter dedicated to that - again only the struggle part.
Many points said are true and we have not yet moved away from a patriarchal society, still not all men are bad. There are lot of good men around at home and at work and things are changing for the better. An important point - where a woman's jealousy/ insecurity is the reason for another woman's downfall (in corporate, not mother in law) is not spoken about anywhere. This book has been targeted against men.
The pregnancy chapter is again a overdo. We all need to understand that only a woman (if she chooses to have a child) has to carry the baby for 10 months and feed for the next 8-12 months. Feminism is not a fight against motherhood. There are lots of fathers these days not being 'just supportive', but genuinely sharing the work 50/50. This change cannot happen overnight.
Despite all, women face different levels of discrimination in different companies. Agreed. But where are the leadership lessons? What do we do if faced such a situation? How does it make one better informed or a better person after reading this book? There is no way forward, only stories after stories where woman have changed companies or quit and started on their own.
Wouldn't recommend. Only instances where woman are discriminated are quoted and thousands of good ones left out. Many examples are very gender neutral and there is no anti-woman angle to it, still the author has perceived it differently with lot of preconceived notions.
Feminism doesn't mean woman should do everything a man does or vice versa. It is wanting to do what one wants. As long as we talk like this and call ourselves feminists, the word will start losing its true meaning. Unlike Own it, Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In is a very good read and has leadership lessons (though not mentioned on the cover page).
Many points said are true and we have not yet moved away from a patriarchal society, still not all men are bad. There are lot of good men around at home and at work and things are changing for the better. An important point - where a woman's jealousy/ insecurity is the reason for another woman's downfall (in corporate, not mother in law) is not spoken about anywhere. This book has been targeted against men.
The pregnancy chapter is again a overdo. We all need to understand that only a woman (if she chooses to have a child) has to carry the baby for 10 months and feed for the next 8-12 months. Feminism is not a fight against motherhood. There are lots of fathers these days not being 'just supportive', but genuinely sharing the work 50/50. This change cannot happen overnight.
Despite all, women face different levels of discrimination in different companies. Agreed. But where are the leadership lessons? What do we do if faced such a situation? How does it make one better informed or a better person after reading this book? There is no way forward, only stories after stories where woman have changed companies or quit and started on their own.
Wouldn't recommend. Only instances where woman are discriminated are quoted and thousands of good ones left out. Many examples are very gender neutral and there is no anti-woman angle to it, still the author has perceived it differently with lot of preconceived notions.
Feminism doesn't mean woman should do everything a man does or vice versa. It is wanting to do what one wants. As long as we talk like this and call ourselves feminists, the word will start losing its true meaning. Unlike Own it, Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In is a very good read and has leadership lessons (though not mentioned on the cover page).
February 28, 2017
Aparna Jain interviewed 190 women in senior leadership positions in India to write this book. Most did not want their names used, they used fake names because they were worried about repercussions.
That's a sad fact. These are stories of prejudice and pressures women face. Prejudice & pressures from men - read the chapter Biases, Bullies and The Boy's Club. From women in the chapter The Man and His Mother . Or from women's own psyche - where women descend into stereotypes - like the simmering victim, the heroic martyr or the withering wallflower.
Each of the 6 chapters in the book ends with pointers and advice. Some examples -
1. Call attention to biases - call men out on things you feel are unfair
2. Learn the fine line between being charming and using your sexuality and feminine guile at work
3. Mentor women at college levels to think about marriage differently. Women are socially conditioned to believe their careers are less important than that of their husbands
4. If you take a break to have a child that extends to a few years, use that time to build new skills.
The book ends with it's punchiest chapter - The Women Impedimenta . I liked the analogy of the flashy bartender - the difference between a man and a woman bartender , and why women must draw attention to their achievements , instead of letting their work speak for themselves. Increase your circle of influence, says Jain. It's about having confidence in yourself says Debjani Ghosh, CEO, Intel India.
Lots of practical tips here on how to make an impact - from how to network, how to negotiate, and how to navigate office politics .
That's a sad fact. These are stories of prejudice and pressures women face. Prejudice & pressures from men - read the chapter Biases, Bullies and The Boy's Club. From women in the chapter The Man and His Mother . Or from women's own psyche - where women descend into stereotypes - like the simmering victim, the heroic martyr or the withering wallflower.
Each of the 6 chapters in the book ends with pointers and advice. Some examples -
1. Call attention to biases - call men out on things you feel are unfair
2. Learn the fine line between being charming and using your sexuality and feminine guile at work
3. Mentor women at college levels to think about marriage differently. Women are socially conditioned to believe their careers are less important than that of their husbands
4. If you take a break to have a child that extends to a few years, use that time to build new skills.
The book ends with it's punchiest chapter - The Women Impedimenta . I liked the analogy of the flashy bartender - the difference between a man and a woman bartender , and why women must draw attention to their achievements , instead of letting their work speak for themselves. Increase your circle of influence, says Jain. It's about having confidence in yourself says Debjani Ghosh, CEO, Intel India.
Lots of practical tips here on how to make an impact - from how to network, how to negotiate, and how to navigate office politics .
April 19, 2016
Aparna Jain interviewed women in leadership positions around the country. Leadership positions but not most talked about women CEOs or leaders such as Indira Nooyi and Chanda Kochar. What is revealed is - some really surprising and sad - stories of everyday sexism and gender discrimination at work. Sometimes it is not about work either but how society, family supports a woman's career. Some women at leadership are not even decision makers at home or some have to maneuver around their family and justify why their career is important.
Apart from discussion around gender issues such as sexual harassment policies and discrimination, there is also a discussion about blind spots women have. How they don't promote their work or put themselves out there to demonstrate their expertise and work. We have blind spots and prejudices: I do good work, so why should I promote myself. Or, how we all need mentors and sponsors.
This book has few very good interesting lessons and the message you own your own success and right to stand up for yourself, you gender. You own the solution and be the steward to others. I recommend this to every woman and also to men who care.
Apart from discussion around gender issues such as sexual harassment policies and discrimination, there is also a discussion about blind spots women have. How they don't promote their work or put themselves out there to demonstrate their expertise and work. We have blind spots and prejudices: I do good work, so why should I promote myself. Or, how we all need mentors and sponsors.
This book has few very good interesting lessons and the message you own your own success and right to stand up for yourself, you gender. You own the solution and be the steward to others. I recommend this to every woman and also to men who care.
February 11, 2016
I am a fiction reader and read non-fiction rarely but this book sounded very compelling. The book is a voice of many people told by Aparna as they deal with career, marriage, love, kids and more in this day and time. This book is about us, women like you and me and I don't recall the last time I nodded my head so much while reading a book. So many things hit home and close from the corporate days and from now. I recommend this to everyone, women because it also has a lot of information about how to empower ourselves and men because it will make you realise what is it to be a women in this age and time because a lot of times the best & the most well intentioned men I have met also do not understand it really is like
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April 10, 2016Heartening to read about stories of top women facing bias.. bt it helps you in understanding how few things are required to be done assertively to meet your goals and one should Own it...
September 22, 2016
Complicated and repetitive , seems dragging towards the end.
April 26, 2017
Just one word after reading this AMAZING book , only you have the power to #ownit
So get up and own your life , career , success and choices.
So get up and own your life , career , success and choices.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews