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Hero of the Underground: A Memoir
I wasn’t afraid of death.
How could I be? I lived under death’s shadow every day. When you swallow eighty Vicodin, twenty sleeping pills, drink a bottle of vodka, and still survive, a certain sense of invulnerability stays with you. When you continually use drugs with the kind of reckless determination that I did, the limit to how much heroin or crack you can ingest is not defined in dollar amounts, but in the amounts your body can withstand without experiencing a seizure or respiratory failure. Yet at the end of every binge, every night of lining up six, seven, eight crack pipes and hitting them one after the other bam! bam! bam! every night of smoking and snorting bag after bag of heroin . . . after all of that, when you still wake up to see the same dirty sky over you as the night before, you start to think that instead of dying, maybe your punishment is to live---to be stuck in this purgatory of self-abuse and misery for an eternity. Sometimes you start to think that death would come as a blessed relief.
Toward the end, I found myself contemplating death again. Only this time I wasn’t going to leave it to chance. I was going to buy a gun, load the thing, place the barrel in my mouth, and blow my fucking brains out.
I sat on my parents’ sofa as I pondered this. All I needed was a gun.
And then all--
of my problems--
would be solved.
How could I be? I lived under death’s shadow every day. When you swallow eighty Vicodin, twenty sleeping pills, drink a bottle of vodka, and still survive, a certain sense of invulnerability stays with you. When you continually use drugs with the kind of reckless determination that I did, the limit to how much heroin or crack you can ingest is not defined in dollar amounts, but in the amounts your body can withstand without experiencing a seizure or respiratory failure. Yet at the end of every binge, every night of lining up six, seven, eight crack pipes and hitting them one after the other bam! bam! bam! every night of smoking and snorting bag after bag of heroin . . . after all of that, when you still wake up to see the same dirty sky over you as the night before, you start to think that instead of dying, maybe your punishment is to live---to be stuck in this purgatory of self-abuse and misery for an eternity. Sometimes you start to think that death would come as a blessed relief.
Toward the end, I found myself contemplating death again. Only this time I wasn’t going to leave it to chance. I was going to buy a gun, load the thing, place the barrel in my mouth, and blow my fucking brains out.
I sat on my parents’ sofa as I pondered this. All I needed was a gun.
And then all--
of my problems--
would be solved.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published July 8, 2008
27 people are currently reading
377 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews
June 25, 2015
Jason Peter, co-captain of the 1997-98 Nebraska Cornhuskers college championship team, recounts the improbable story of a jock that became a junkie. Peter's story reads as the anti-Peyton Manning story--fitting, since Peter's Cornhuskers crushed Manning in the championship game in 1998. It's part football memoir and part drug memoir, and a gripping read that I read through in two nights.
Peter and co-writer Tony O'Neill write some of the best prose that I've ever read on the game of college football. In several chapters, it's difficult to distinguish Peter's rush from playing football from the rush of legal and illegal drug abuse. His story is all too common in the football industry, where young talent is bulked up, chewed up, and spit out when their bodies start to break down. The only difference is that Jason Peter filled the void left in his life with crack and heroin, whereas few players (and ex-players) ever reach such extremes of addiction.
Peter and co-writer Tony O'Neill write some of the best prose that I've ever read on the game of college football. In several chapters, it's difficult to distinguish Peter's rush from playing football from the rush of legal and illegal drug abuse. His story is all too common in the football industry, where young talent is bulked up, chewed up, and spit out when their bodies start to break down. The only difference is that Jason Peter filled the void left in his life with crack and heroin, whereas few players (and ex-players) ever reach such extremes of addiction.
August 23, 2008
Jason Peter played pro football for a few years, and when his career ended he basically had access to unlimited amounts of cash. This memoir relates how he spent most of it on drugs, going from painkillers to cocaine to crack to heroin. The football parts of the book aren't interesting unless you like hearing ex-jocks rant about being warriors. When the author's body breaks down and his team kicks him to the curb, he is free to devote all his free time to drugs.
Peter's drug stories are the centerpiece of this memoir; they are fascinating in a horrifying sort of way, like a car crash. There's the time his strung-out ex-girlfriend threatens to kill herself; the author flees from his apartment in a crack-induced panic and spends the next 3 or 4 hours evading the imaginary cops and DEA agents tailing him. When Peter's family stages an intervention he stuffs his drugs in his pockets and locks himself in the bathroom; he then rushes past them and spends the next six or seven hours doing drugs in public restrooms. Or there's the time the he rents a private plane to go to a rehab clinic, and shows up at the airport with a pair of rented call girls and a bunch of heroin and cocaine stuffed down his crotch - needless to say that particular rehab stint doesn't go too well.
Peter is honest throughout, which makes him a sympathetic figure. He tries to link his drug use to football, which doesn't work for me. The author's love for drugs shines through the pages; I think he would have come to this if he'd been an accountant.
Peter's drug stories are the centerpiece of this memoir; they are fascinating in a horrifying sort of way, like a car crash. There's the time his strung-out ex-girlfriend threatens to kill herself; the author flees from his apartment in a crack-induced panic and spends the next 3 or 4 hours evading the imaginary cops and DEA agents tailing him. When Peter's family stages an intervention he stuffs his drugs in his pockets and locks himself in the bathroom; he then rushes past them and spends the next six or seven hours doing drugs in public restrooms. Or there's the time the he rents a private plane to go to a rehab clinic, and shows up at the airport with a pair of rented call girls and a bunch of heroin and cocaine stuffed down his crotch - needless to say that particular rehab stint doesn't go too well.
Peter is honest throughout, which makes him a sympathetic figure. He tries to link his drug use to football, which doesn't work for me. The author's love for drugs shines through the pages; I think he would have come to this if he'd been an accountant.
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February 28, 2024I think that this book shares a great story and has a really good message behind it. But it does get very repetitive when he goes into rehab and gets better then does drugs again over and over. But overall if I had to rank it on a scale from 1-10 I would give this book a solid 8.1/10.
March 9, 2015
Wow. I just finish this book and I can't stop saying WOW. First of all, as a Nebraska fan I was fascinated to read a player's point of view about being on the team. Preparing for games, the tunnel walk, the Sea of Red, the losses, wins and national championship...all essentially on the shoulders of kids. Second I had never considered the truth behind contract negotiations, what injuries and pain players go through, or the pain that comes with being on a losing team. I think the football talk is essential to understand how his drug use began and why it was so intense. He lost his lifelong dream. He had nothing else. He had a hole to fill, or at least get numb enough to forget it was there. As I neared the end of the book I kept wondering how it would all end, the final straw. He hit rock bottom hard so many times. Rehab then relapse over and over. Most addicts with his story die. But he didn't. He's lucky to be alive and he knows it. Its inspiring in so many ways. The drug stories are intense, but any addict will tell you they're definitely not hard to believe or imagine. I can't believe he not only survived it all but also turned his life around. No matter how far down you've gone or how many times you've fallen, you can climb back up. Wow.
August 17, 2009
If this wasn't so focused on his football career I would have loved it I think but I didn't even make it to his NFL days, I stopped around the end of his college football days.
It seems like the book hooks people with the description and beginning (which had nothing to do with football at all- only his addiction and his girlfriends)and then goes on to only, and I do mean only, talk about college football games for far too long.
I understood this to be a huge part of his life and figured a decent part of the book would be about it but I just can't get through it. I don't understand it and have no desire to learn about it either.
I have a feeling, or at least have a feeling that it should, the book gets back to his addiction eventually but I'm worn out with the football.
He's a cutie though and I like his writing style.
It seems like the book hooks people with the description and beginning (which had nothing to do with football at all- only his addiction and his girlfriends)and then goes on to only, and I do mean only, talk about college football games for far too long.
I understood this to be a huge part of his life and figured a decent part of the book would be about it but I just can't get through it. I don't understand it and have no desire to learn about it either.
I have a feeling, or at least have a feeling that it should, the book gets back to his addiction eventually but I'm worn out with the football.
He's a cutie though and I like his writing style.
October 5, 2013
This was a pretty typical drug rehab book. (Geez, typing that sentence made me feel a little cold-hearted but you know, read one "I almost died from using cocaine but didn't" book, read them all....) I was very impressed by the huge amounts of drugs that he did at the peak of his addiction. The part that I enjoyed about this one was the football. I am a huge Huskers fan and just reading about the glory days of the mid-90s was great. I got a little tired of Peter's maschismo by the end of this, but I have a feeling that is a big part of who he is. There were also several typos throughout the novel that annoyed me....but I am anal like that!
July 30, 2008
Being a big Husker fan I was anxious to read this book. I really enjoyed it and think Jason Peter has a great story to tell. I won't be surprised if this is made into a TV movie some day.
Peter's writing is very rude & crude (wish I had a dollar for each use of the F-word). But he tells it like it is and doesn't pass the blame off on other people.
Peter is now living in Lincoln, Nebraska and hosts a sports talk show on the local ESPN Radio station. I hope he continues to do well and lives a happy life.
Peter's writing is very rude & crude (wish I had a dollar for each use of the F-word). But he tells it like it is and doesn't pass the blame off on other people.
Peter is now living in Lincoln, Nebraska and hosts a sports talk show on the local ESPN Radio station. I hope he continues to do well and lives a happy life.
May 13, 2019
Usually a memoir of overcoming addiction after a wild career ride proves both entertaining as well as inspiring. This misses on both counts and wow, Jason Peter is a true blue asshole. Hero of the Underground....one star.
April 22, 2023
RICK “SHAQ” GOLDSTEIN SAYS: “HOW COULD I BE AFRAID OF DEATH WHEN I SWALLOW 60 VICODIN, 20 SLEEPING PILLS, AND DRINK A BOTTLE OF VODKA?”
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Have you ever been addicted to drugs? Have you ever known anyone addicted to drugs? Have you ever been involved in an intervention?
The first twenty pages of this biography of former Nebraska Cornhusker All-American -- three-time-member -- of an NCAA football champion -- a first round NFL draft choice -- and a short lived NFL player… Jason Peter… is so “mind-crazed”… drowned in paranoia… non-stop… “Pulse-pounding”… “Heart-throttling”… and so… absolutely embedded… in complete mental and physical “INSANITY”… that if the reader has not been personally involved in a similar situation… you will believe wholeheartedly that it was all contrived by the author.
Jason comes from a loving family with an older and younger brother, all of whom excelled in football. His older brother not only played at the University of Nebraska also, but had a successful NFL career. Younger brother Damian was destined to be better than both of his brothers. In fact, then Notre Dame football coach Lou Holtz, while on national TV after recruiting Damian to play for the Fighting Irish said: “Damian Peter was maybe the best offensive lineman that Notre Dame had ever recruited.” Damian then had a fluke accident diving into a swimming pool at a friend’s house. Damian was critically injured, and was paralyzed, until a wonder “test” drug gave him his physical movement back. This led to the absolute, most pointed comments in the entire book, other than the wanton, depraved, decadent, debauched, degenerate, destructive, drug use, that asphyxiates ninety-five percent of the entire story. The entire time that Damian was in intensive care and recovery… and even when he came back to school to watch helplessly from the sideline… Holtz never once, even called his one-time “prized” recruit, to see how he was doing… or to wish him well. Jason unabashedly states: “I STILL WOULDN’T TURN DOWN THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPIT IN LOU HOLTZ’S “EXPLETIVE” FACE. EACH SATURDAY IN THE FALL WHEN HOLTZ MAKES HIS JOVIAL, DUMB-“BUTT” REMARKS ON ESPN, I HOPE HE KNOWS THAT THERE’S AT LEAST ONE FAMILY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCREEN, THE PETER FAMILY, THAT KNOWS WHAT A PIECE OF SNAKE “CRAP” HE REALLY IS.”
If there is a word that can make addiction seem like a graphic understatement… then that would be the word I would use to describe Jason Peter. He “DEVOURED” (Abused would be like saying a little baby kitten played with a ball of yarn.) ENORMOUS-MASS quantities of cocaine… heroin… crack… meth… continually, consecutively and concurrently. During one period in time, his cocaine use *ALONE* was *TEN-THOUSAND-DOLLARS-A-WEEK*. In addition to all the drugs listed above… NOTE: Potential reader… please clear your eyes and mind for this next statement: “HE ALSO MESSED AROUND WITH KETAMINE ON OCCASION. KETAMINE IS A CAT TRANQUILIZER.”
The author should be thanking the Lord three times a day that he is alive, and there are incidents in the book where he could have been killed very easily, and there are times he attempted or contemplated suicide. No reader should view this as a happy “partying” book. I do believe the author did not show enough remorse, as he relives his drug saturated life, with a bit too much braggadocio. About the fourth or fifth time Jason was going to enter rehab, he rented a private jet for THIRTY-THOUSAND-DOLLARS, and bought TEN-EIGHT-BALLS- OF COKE, and SEVEN-BUNDLES OF HEROIN, and contracted for the services of two hookers for his flight to “salvation”.
The author is lucky he’s alive… and even luckier… that his family loved him enough to keep praying for him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever been addicted to drugs? Have you ever known anyone addicted to drugs? Have you ever been involved in an intervention?
The first twenty pages of this biography of former Nebraska Cornhusker All-American -- three-time-member -- of an NCAA football champion -- a first round NFL draft choice -- and a short lived NFL player… Jason Peter… is so “mind-crazed”… drowned in paranoia… non-stop… “Pulse-pounding”… “Heart-throttling”… and so… absolutely embedded… in complete mental and physical “INSANITY”… that if the reader has not been personally involved in a similar situation… you will believe wholeheartedly that it was all contrived by the author.
Jason comes from a loving family with an older and younger brother, all of whom excelled in football. His older brother not only played at the University of Nebraska also, but had a successful NFL career. Younger brother Damian was destined to be better than both of his brothers. In fact, then Notre Dame football coach Lou Holtz, while on national TV after recruiting Damian to play for the Fighting Irish said: “Damian Peter was maybe the best offensive lineman that Notre Dame had ever recruited.” Damian then had a fluke accident diving into a swimming pool at a friend’s house. Damian was critically injured, and was paralyzed, until a wonder “test” drug gave him his physical movement back. This led to the absolute, most pointed comments in the entire book, other than the wanton, depraved, decadent, debauched, degenerate, destructive, drug use, that asphyxiates ninety-five percent of the entire story. The entire time that Damian was in intensive care and recovery… and even when he came back to school to watch helplessly from the sideline… Holtz never once, even called his one-time “prized” recruit, to see how he was doing… or to wish him well. Jason unabashedly states: “I STILL WOULDN’T TURN DOWN THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPIT IN LOU HOLTZ’S “EXPLETIVE” FACE. EACH SATURDAY IN THE FALL WHEN HOLTZ MAKES HIS JOVIAL, DUMB-“BUTT” REMARKS ON ESPN, I HOPE HE KNOWS THAT THERE’S AT LEAST ONE FAMILY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCREEN, THE PETER FAMILY, THAT KNOWS WHAT A PIECE OF SNAKE “CRAP” HE REALLY IS.”
If there is a word that can make addiction seem like a graphic understatement… then that would be the word I would use to describe Jason Peter. He “DEVOURED” (Abused would be like saying a little baby kitten played with a ball of yarn.) ENORMOUS-MASS quantities of cocaine… heroin… crack… meth… continually, consecutively and concurrently. During one period in time, his cocaine use *ALONE* was *TEN-THOUSAND-DOLLARS-A-WEEK*. In addition to all the drugs listed above… NOTE: Potential reader… please clear your eyes and mind for this next statement: “HE ALSO MESSED AROUND WITH KETAMINE ON OCCASION. KETAMINE IS A CAT TRANQUILIZER.”
The author should be thanking the Lord three times a day that he is alive, and there are incidents in the book where he could have been killed very easily, and there are times he attempted or contemplated suicide. No reader should view this as a happy “partying” book. I do believe the author did not show enough remorse, as he relives his drug saturated life, with a bit too much braggadocio. About the fourth or fifth time Jason was going to enter rehab, he rented a private jet for THIRTY-THOUSAND-DOLLARS, and bought TEN-EIGHT-BALLS- OF COKE, and SEVEN-BUNDLES OF HEROIN, and contracted for the services of two hookers for his flight to “salvation”.
The author is lucky he’s alive… and even luckier… that his family loved him enough to keep praying for him.
February 15, 2022
I'm torn about this memoir. There are moments of 5 stars, but moments of 1 also.
Having read a lot of Tony O'neill novels, it definitely has that drug addled intensity throughout, and you can see his influence in the story telling (the story in ch 1 as the hook especially).
But there lies one of the problems with this memoir. It feels exaggerated a lot of the times and blurs the line of fact and fiction. The drug use comes across as being glorified, and it's hard not to root for him to just overdose already. He's got an unlimited supply of the best drugs and a constant hook, uses extreme amounts for endless periods, but never even ODs? Something isn't adding up here.
The parts that feel the most authentic were the football stories (which were clearly the worst parts of the narration). That's because they are most likely the closest representation of the author's true experiences and not some ghostwritten or fabricated stories to make us believe he is best drug addict ever.
I would probably still reccommend the book, but just be prepared to know the guy you are reading about is that stereotypical d-bag that is easy to hate, addict or not.
Some hero lol
Having read a lot of Tony O'neill novels, it definitely has that drug addled intensity throughout, and you can see his influence in the story telling (the story in ch 1 as the hook especially).
But there lies one of the problems with this memoir. It feels exaggerated a lot of the times and blurs the line of fact and fiction. The drug use comes across as being glorified, and it's hard not to root for him to just overdose already. He's got an unlimited supply of the best drugs and a constant hook, uses extreme amounts for endless periods, but never even ODs? Something isn't adding up here.
The parts that feel the most authentic were the football stories (which were clearly the worst parts of the narration). That's because they are most likely the closest representation of the author's true experiences and not some ghostwritten or fabricated stories to make us believe he is best drug addict ever.
I would probably still reccommend the book, but just be prepared to know the guy you are reading about is that stereotypical d-bag that is easy to hate, addict or not.
Some hero lol
October 26, 2017
This is a good book for a more explicit reader and more aggressive than a normal book. This book starts off with him in the present and you can see where he was at the end of his football career. Then the book goes back and shows how he got to the point he was at at the end. What I mean by this was that he shows how he struggled through college. All through the book Jason Peter uses offensive language. Such as when Jason Peter said on multiple occasions “It’s time to fuck up Peyton Manning’’ I felt that the offensive language made it more creative and different than a lot of books it just has a different writing style than most books you would read in school. I feel that this book is aiming towards a more mature and older audience. I’m not the type of person to get into a book but I got into this one because it is an easy read. This book drew me into it and for me it made me feel that I was there with him. I feel that if you play football or enjoy the sport it is a good book to look into.
April 16, 2024
Tony O’Neill is one of my favorites, in all of his stories he writes about drug use in a way that ensures you know that he knows what he’s talking about. Pairing up with Jason Peter is seamless, you really don’t know where Tony comes into play and being that this is really Jason’s story I can’t imagine he does much but help the story take shape on paper. It’s interesting to read someone’s journey to sobriety when they don’t agree with the beliefs of AA. As a non religious person I’ve always felt AA was doomed when you were expected to put everything into a greater power you may not truly believe in. Jason doesn’t do that, he stays true to himself and someone comes out in top. How he lived through it all with very very little legal troubles blows my mind. Highly recommend and wish the type of treatment Jason was able to afford was available to members of society who aren’t living on the remains of an NFL salary.
November 5, 2022
I had to read this for class. Didn’t like it tbh. Everything about this book is pretty mediocre. Perhaps less than mediocre.
It was distracting to see how many grammatical errors were sprinkled in this book. Shame on the editor for not giving it another proper read through.
I didn’t really resonate with anything the book had to say overall. Even if it’s a real life memoir about coping with drug addiction. I don’t see myself being friends with this guy in real life after what I read. He portrayed himself as an excessive douchebag. It was hard for me to care since all he did in life was over fuel his ego. There’s an entire chapter somewhere in the middle where all it is is just hype beast shit before a game. That was completely unnecessary to me.
But whatever, I guess. I’m glad I’m done with it.
It was distracting to see how many grammatical errors were sprinkled in this book. Shame on the editor for not giving it another proper read through.
I didn’t really resonate with anything the book had to say overall. Even if it’s a real life memoir about coping with drug addiction. I don’t see myself being friends with this guy in real life after what I read. He portrayed himself as an excessive douchebag. It was hard for me to care since all he did in life was over fuel his ego. There’s an entire chapter somewhere in the middle where all it is is just hype beast shit before a game. That was completely unnecessary to me.
But whatever, I guess. I’m glad I’m done with it.
February 27, 2024
Overall I thought that the book was pretty good. I really liked how the book started out with giving us some background on his life before the drugs. I think it is important to take note of this idea before you get into the drug section of his life. There are a lot of things that most of us have not experienced in which Jason does a good job of explaining and making connections to more common ideas but still keeping that sense of severity. The one part that I didn't really care for was the constant in and out from rehab and back to the streets. It just got a little repetitive and I know it is what he went through and is an important part of the story but I lost a little bit of interest during this section. However, it didn't last for long because of where the story went at the end which was my favorite part.
March 3, 2017
I'm not much of a reader but once I read the first chapter I was hooked. This book was great. It really opened my eyes to how bad drug addiction really is. I always knew it was rough but seeing one describe it with so much detail of how it feels and what it does to some one was new to me. It's amazing how he survived all of what he went through. I'm not much of a football fan at all, so I would have enjoyed this book a lot more if there was less about his career, although I do understand that that was the most important, successful part of his life. I would love to read more about the situations that he had gotten into while using, instead of his football games. Overall this book is definitely one of my favorites now, and I will for sure read it again.
December 26, 2021
This book is marketed as a drug addiction/ recovery story, its not. Jason Peter sounds like a whiny kid who didn't get his way, from loses or media coverage-- even annoyed fans, he clearly thinks ALOT of himself and that he deserves no hate/criticism and only admiration.
Even after his recovery which is skimmed over completely he is arrogant in his attitude towards pharmacies/pills etc.
Peter seems to be someone who needs attention and when he no longer got the attention he craved ( or feels he deserves for whatever reason) he spiraled. From considering himself a hero to never actually taking responsibility for the things he did this book is not worth your time
Even after his recovery which is skimmed over completely he is arrogant in his attitude towards pharmacies/pills etc.
Peter seems to be someone who needs attention and when he no longer got the attention he craved ( or feels he deserves for whatever reason) he spiraled. From considering himself a hero to never actually taking responsibility for the things he did this book is not worth your time
February 21, 2018
jason Peter, captain of the 1997-98 Nebraska championship team, recounts the improbable story of a jock that became a uncontrollable drug addict .Peter's Corn huskers crushed Manning in the championship game in 1998 the story reads like an anti manning story. It's part football memoir and part drug memoir, and a gripping read. an all american defensive tackle with an origin story better than most.
May 8, 2019
A pretty decent book about the horrors of addiction and where it can take you, but it got bogged down in too much detail about football. I found myself skimming over a lot around some of those chapters. I did find myself rooting for him and begging him to to get clean, to finally finally get clean before he died. The ending was a good and a happy one.
March 2, 2024
This book was very good because it wasn’t just talking about how good Jason was good at football or anything like that. It would talk about his real problems in the world and how he would get addicted to hardcore drugs. I would recommend this book to someone trying to get off addiction because he talks about what helped him on the way getting back sober.
April 11, 2023
Hero is a book based of a football player with incredible talent and privilege who spirals into drug addiction. Pretty straight forward story. Furthermore, it’s written and recounted as a Hollywood movie. There are better books out there about the same topic.
November 8, 2024
Jason Peter takes readers through his fall following a short NFL career. This book is a bit of football, some sex, plenty of foul language, and far too many drugs. Here is to hoping that Jason Peter is still clean today.
June 17, 2017
Found it to skip around a lot, but a good quick read at work. Tells about his drug and opiate abuse and how the link between painkillers and the NFL is very strong.
July 28, 2017
Great read
Honest and real story about addiction. Just gets to show you that even with all the money in the world, people have the same struggles.
Honest and real story about addiction. Just gets to show you that even with all the money in the world, people have the same struggles.
April 6, 2020
Jason Peters amazing story about playing football and then spiraling out of control on drugs. A dark sorry but worth the read (adult)
April 7, 2025
A gripping, true story that leaves you on the edge of your seat from cover to cover.
April 30, 2025
Perhaps it's easiest to consider reading Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue, who had somewhat similar ruminations on this very same subject in his own autobiography with the band's history.
November 16, 2017
This would have been a 5 star if it wasn't for all sports crap
January 1, 2021
This book is a wonderful memoir of a drug-addicted NFL player.
What I really liked about this book was learning what it would be like to have unlimited money and an addiction to heroine and/or cocaine. As a mental health professional, I also learned the patient experience of being in rehab and how the disease model of AA does a huge disservice to many people. It reinforced my belief that telling someone they will always be an addict is not effective for many people. It also sheds light on the fact that our mental health treatment should focus on strengths and resiliency, empowering people to succeed, not telling them they will always fail and making them go to meetings to talk about drugs when they should be focusing on developing other life purposes and hobbies to pass their time.
This book is also surprisingly poetic, and I enjoyed the analogies as well as the visual and sensory descriptions of drug addiction. I felt like I was there and experiencing his withdrawals and highs with him, which really educated me on the seriousness of addiction.
I am not a football fan and the book had too much football talk for me, but since I understand that is a part of his story I still get this book deserves 4 stars. I didn’t give it 5 because there were 5-6 typos I noticed. Overall I will remember this book and recommend it for families of those addicted to heroine and/or cocaine as well as mental health professionals.
What I really liked about this book was learning what it would be like to have unlimited money and an addiction to heroine and/or cocaine. As a mental health professional, I also learned the patient experience of being in rehab and how the disease model of AA does a huge disservice to many people. It reinforced my belief that telling someone they will always be an addict is not effective for many people. It also sheds light on the fact that our mental health treatment should focus on strengths and resiliency, empowering people to succeed, not telling them they will always fail and making them go to meetings to talk about drugs when they should be focusing on developing other life purposes and hobbies to pass their time.
This book is also surprisingly poetic, and I enjoyed the analogies as well as the visual and sensory descriptions of drug addiction. I felt like I was there and experiencing his withdrawals and highs with him, which really educated me on the seriousness of addiction.
I am not a football fan and the book had too much football talk for me, but since I understand that is a part of his story I still get this book deserves 4 stars. I didn’t give it 5 because there were 5-6 typos I noticed. Overall I will remember this book and recommend it for families of those addicted to heroine and/or cocaine as well as mental health professionals.
February 5, 2016
Jason Peter appears to be a very honest man.
From how hard he worked to rise as a 1st round draft pick for the NFL, to how far he fell as a full blown crack, opiate, and heroin addict, he tells it like it was.
I was immediately drawn in to his dark world as some of the things he was saying were so unbelievable. Can you really build up enough of a tolerance that when you purposely try to OD on 60 vicodin - you actually live? It's like a horrible car accident you drive by - you don't want to look because it's so gruesome, but you can't help but glance over and say a silent prayer that everyone is okay.
My only frustration is when Jason finally gets clean. After multiple stints in rehabs of all types, he finally gets one that makes it stick. However, how and why was severely diminished. After so much detail for so much of the book, I still don't understand why this was very gently skimmed over. This is the rehab portion I would want to read about the most.
Also everything was tied together with a bow. The good job, the beautiful super understanding wife, the commitment to sobriety that doesn't seem that hard at all after more than a decade of smoking crack for 72 hours at a clip - it just didn't sit right.
Good book, but the ending left me frustrated and wondering if it was actually a "memoir".
3 out of 5 stars.
From how hard he worked to rise as a 1st round draft pick for the NFL, to how far he fell as a full blown crack, opiate, and heroin addict, he tells it like it was.
I was immediately drawn in to his dark world as some of the things he was saying were so unbelievable. Can you really build up enough of a tolerance that when you purposely try to OD on 60 vicodin - you actually live? It's like a horrible car accident you drive by - you don't want to look because it's so gruesome, but you can't help but glance over and say a silent prayer that everyone is okay.
My only frustration is when Jason finally gets clean. After multiple stints in rehabs of all types, he finally gets one that makes it stick. However, how and why was severely diminished. After so much detail for so much of the book, I still don't understand why this was very gently skimmed over. This is the rehab portion I would want to read about the most.
Also everything was tied together with a bow. The good job, the beautiful super understanding wife, the commitment to sobriety that doesn't seem that hard at all after more than a decade of smoking crack for 72 hours at a clip - it just didn't sit right.
Good book, but the ending left me frustrated and wondering if it was actually a "memoir".
3 out of 5 stars.
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