The Fat Girl's Guide to Life

by Wendy Shanker

Vibrant, vivacious and gorgeous, Wendy Shanker is a fat girl who has simply had enough - enough of family, friends, co-workers, women's magazines, even strangers on the street all trying (and failing) to make her thin. With her mandate to change the world - and the humour and energy to do it - Wendy shows how media madness, corporate greed and even the most well-intentioned loved ones can chip away at a woman's confidence. She invites people of all sizes, shapes and dissatisfactions to trade self-loathing for self-tolerance, celebrity worship for reality reverence, and a carb-free life for a guilt-free Krispy Kreme. Wendy explores dieting debacles, full-figured fashions and feminist philosophy while guiding you through exercise clubs, doctors' offices, shopping malls and the bedroom. In the process, she will convince you that you can be fit and fat, even as the weight loss industry conspires to make you think otherwise. The Fat Girl's Guide to Life invites you to step off the scales and weigh the issues for yourself.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Humor, Self Help, Health, Feminism, Fat

Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Wendy Shanker's humorous, hopeful memoir about women and body image, The Fat Girl's Guide to Life (Bloomsbury USA) changed the way many women related to their weight. You may have seen Wendy discussing her book on The View, Good Morning America, CBS Sunday Morning, or on her national tour sponsored by Macy's Woman. The Fat Girl's Guide was recently released in paperback, and will be published in seven different languages, including Italian, German, and Japanese (but not French because French Women Don't Get Fat).

Wendy's byline has appeared in Glamour, Grace , Self, Shape , Us Weekly (Fashion Police), Cosmopolitan, Marie-Claire, Seventeen, alternative mags like Bust and Bitch, and on MTV. She contributed to the anthology Body Outlaws: Rewriting the Rules of Beauty and Body Image (Seal Press), and her essay Big Mouth: Women; Appetite was recently published in The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide To Guilt (Dutton).

Also, check out her introduction in the new book Big Girl Knits: 25 Big, Bold Projects Shaped for Real Women with Real Curves (Potter Craft).

Wendy is honored to be a national spokesperson for NOW's Love Your Body Day get info at http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org . She's also the senior beauty editor for the e-zine for a well-rounded life, AmaZe (www.amazemagazine.com). You know what that means: free makeup.

Between viewings of Rescue Me and reruns of The Office, Wendy is currently working on her next book.

Reviews

[Rhiannon Cordova · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Fat girls generally don't like to drink. Why have a cocktail when you can have dessert (unless it's a dessert cocktail, then I'll take two!)? There's really no reason for a fat girl to go to a bar, because the chances of getting picked up are few and far between. Why not skip the bar and head over to that cute little cafe next door for a cappuccino and a sweet treat?"



UGH. I found so many statements in this book inaccurate and offensive. The author uses broad generalizations, making it seem like all us fat girls just love eating all time, and have a hard time finding anyone who likes us. I'm a fat girl, and I love food, but I'm not just some mindless eating machine. And I have a boyfriend. And I like to drink. And I'm happy. She goes on to talk about her experience at weight-watchers and goes on to negatively talk about the women there that were bigger than her. Then she talk about her experience at a center she went to, to try and lose weight, and talks about how she's sooo much better than everyone there. She body-shames thin women, referring to their bodies as "boys" and making them seem like vapid, vain, witches. I am not about that body-shaming life whatsoever. She shames plastic surgery and those who get it, and she slut shames. She claims to be a feminist but there's so much girl-hate in this book it doesn't seem like she really knows the meaning of the word. I really wanted this to be a good book, but she is too problematic for my tastes.

[S · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a fatty, I definitely WANTED to love this book. I got it home, started reading, had a few laughs, but all in all (and I'm about 4/5 the way through it) I have to say I'm a little disappointed.



With lines like: "At least Tyra and Cameron had the satisfaction of knowing that they were gonna make good when they filled out. When we grow up (and fill in), we Hefties are still...garbage," I was left thinking, "This is supposed to be encouraging?" While I can relate to some of the things that Shanker has to say, I kind of thought that the book was just her whining about how unfair the world is, and was surprisingly negative. Life as a fatty is far from easy, but I was hoping with a title like "The Fat Girls Guide to Life," it would have been more inspiring and less commiserating.

[Summer Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun read for any woman of any shape and size. Candid, funny, and a good reality check.

Some quotes I liked:
It’s time to change our attitudes about this whole body-image business. It is a business. It is an image. But it is YOUR body, which contains YOUR mind, which can be a whole lot easier to change than the width of your thighs or the shape of your ass.
(page 2)

…But I no longer apologize for who I am or how I look. I have more important things to do.
So do you. You have a career to pursue, you have creativity to develop, you have a family to raise, and you have friends to love. You live in a society in the midst of major transition that needs your attention and your help. In light of what’s happening to women across the globe—rape, poverty, lack of health care. Lack of legal rights, and civil war on a daily basis—our obsession with calorie counting seems ridiculous.
We are ready, willing, and able to change the way the world sees us. But to do that, we start by changing the way we see ourselves. Friends won’t stop making helpful yet asinine suggestions about corn oil and couscous until you tell them that their suggestions are asinine, not helpful. Bullies won’t stop making fun of you until you stand up to them. Magazines won’t start putting fat girls in their pages until you start buying magazines that already feature fat girls in their pages. Manufacturers won’t stop making fattening fat-free food until you stop eating it. And don’t expect Brad Pitt to make out with Camryn Manheim in his next movie, or the captain of the football team to push aside the head cheerleader so he can get some fact time with the chubby yet sweet yearbook editor until you are ready to accept those changes yourself.
(pages 3-4)

I have to say, there is a sense of loss when you actually give up on the fantasy that you’ve been nurturing for so long—the one where you wake up one day and you are thin and life is great and you burn all of your fat clothes and fat pictures and take the shot where you’re standing in your fat jeans with your thin body. Oh, to let that go… That’s okay. Now you have the opportunity to come up with a whole new goal for yourself—maybe one that’s actually in the realm of possibility.
…As I mentioned in my introduction, you don’t have to be fat to be Fat…
The point is, my friend is thin, but she’s Fat. She realized that she’d wasted a lot of time and energy on something that was out of her control, something that her body would or wouldn’t change when the time was right.
People take your cue on how to behave around you. If you act ashamed of yourself, they will be ashamed of you. If you act proud—even if it’s just an act—people will kowtow. Get over it. Dress well, Own it. Fake it long enough and you may just start believing it yourself…
(pages 16-17)

Truth is, I can eat and exercise “perfectly” for weeks in a row, or I can get lost in an occasional binge. In the big picture, it doesn’t really matter. I go up a few pounds, I lose a few, but I always weigh about the same…Time to put my self-improvement efforts elsewhere. Is that crazy? Defensive? Maybe. I reserve the right to change my mind. But my body ain’t changing right now. I may not Break Free from Compulsive Eating. I may never Make the Connection. I can’t always Stop the Insanity. Only recently did I begin to figure out that while I could lose a few pounds, or build some muscle tone, essentially I am always going to be fat. It was only when I finally understood it that something changed. I wasn’t just fat, I was Fat—not just a physical state, but a state of mind.
So no more tapes, no more meetings, no more potions, no more plans. No more hopes for a “lifestyle” change. I like my life. I like my lifestyle. I’m even starting—can it be possible?—to like my fat. Maybe someday I’ll be able to define exactly what my fat is—my fear and anxiety and sexuality and mother issues and father issues and bad behavior and guilt and feminism and laziness and chemistry and physicality and habits—and still NOT LOSE WEIGHT.
I’m fat. I assume I always will be. I spent my whole life waiting to get thin so my life could start. Now I realize that I can’t wait for thinness to arrive in order for my life to begin.
(pages 78-79)


…Fat and beautiful are not opposites. They do not cancel each other out. I am fat and beautiful. I know lots of people who are skinny and ugly. I can look in the mirror and see lots of things I think are beautiful about me, my face, my body. I can see the elements come together and get a feeling of “Ooh, I like that.” Occasionally, verrrrrry occasionally, I look at my body and think, “Okay, there’s some fat. What’s so bad? What’s everyone so scared of, freaked out about? What the hell am I so freaked out about? “
But usually I look at my body in the mirror and I go, “AAAAEEEEEEWWWWW!” Especially when I look at my stomach. My weight is pretty evenly distributed, but all the extra goes straight to my abdomen…I wish I could just give myself the 100-percent stamp of approval, but I’m not there yet. Don’t even get me started on the pouch. You know, that slab of flab below your belly button but above your vagina? Women hate that little pouch, don’t we? But what’s so wrong with that pouch? We’re supposed to have that. It’s good, it’s supposed to be there. That’s where we grow babies. Somehow we came up with the idea that our bellies are supposed to be ironing-board flat and perfectly pouch-free… There are rare birds with completely flat bellies, but it’s like someone who has eleven toes: genetic mutation!
And thighs. It turns out that thighs are supposed to touch! That’s our storage space for the energy our bodies need to sustain pregnancies. “During puberty—a typical girl gains nearly 35 pounds of so-called reproductive fat around the hips and thighs. Those pounds contain the roughly 80,000 calories needed to sustain a pregnancy, and the curves they created provide a gauge of reproductive potential.” … “’There is evidence that estrogen is stored in fat on the outer thighs,’ says Rhoda S. Narins, clinical professor of dermatology at New York University.” Hmm. Thighs equal estrogen. Estrogen equals female. So if you get rid of your thighs, are you getting rid of your femininity? Your womanhood?
(pages 151-152)

Do yourself a favor. Take the magnets off the fridge and the stickies off the computer screen. Stop taking cues from others—whether they are fashion editors or people you know—and let yourself set your standards. Don’t renew your commitment to losing ten pounds, or getting into last decade’s sun dress. Don’t vow to transform yourself into someone else. Don’t renew at all; take on a new idea instead. Try this: “Well, here I am. Maybe I’d like to be in the process of change, but today I’m in this body. So why not work with myself instead of against myself?” Right now, try to honor the skin you’re in.
(page 169)

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m feeling lukewarm about this book. It’s not terrible, and Shanker offers a lot of on-point social commentary as she unpacks what it means to be a fat woman in today’s world. There are things she addresses well, like the fact that being overweight does not necessarily equal being unhealthy (and vice versa), or that corporations are (rather unethically) making billions upon billions of dollars off of our insecurities, for example.

BUT.

But she really falls short in the inspiration department. For a book that presumably aims to improve the self-worth and self-confidence of fat folk, I found myself cringing at some of her sweeping generalizations and (probably unintentional) reinforcement of harmful and demeaning stereotypes.

With all the incredible body positive, fat positive, and radical self acceptance books that have been written in the last few years, I likely wouldn’t recommend this one as anything other than one girl’s quasi-feminist fat life memoir.

[Linda Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A zippy, entertaining, intelligent, yaHOO romp through the world of size 12 +. There are laughs ("Back a zillion years ago, before the sexual revolution, women were repressed and life was easy.") There is anger ("We are taught to behave. To be good. To shrink, to fit in. To act like nice girls. To shut up.") And throughout there is the reality of being a big woman in a shopaholic world that doesn't make clothes, or room, for us. So many bookmarked places in this book, I got to revisit it to make sure I found all my nieces' school snapshots I used to mark words of wisdom. I learned a lot, found some new store names to shop, and had reinforced core values that I appreciate and will focus upon. I'm reminded that I want a name other than "El Grande" for the teeny-tiny "Large" stuff at the swanky lingerie stores. Or...maybe I don't.

[shana · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm really conflicted with this one. This book has an overall good message and a lot of good points, but I feel like Wendy keeps trying to mention yeah, I'm fat, but I'm not FAT. I mean, not like that 300 pound midwestern lady! Ew! And being a model is literally impossible, so what a surprise when I was scouted by a modeling agency! Left a bad taste in my mouth.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think a lot of what she said made sense. A lot of it was relatable. It shows how screwed up our society is about body image! I do like how she understands that any person (not just people who are "overweight") can be damaged by the way society is when it comes to looks. While I can't say I agree with everything she writes, I did find most of it very helpful!

[Elizabeth M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my new favorites!

If Wendy Shanker in real life is anything like Wendy Shanker author, I really want to hang out with her. Anyone who writes, “I have no patience for people who won’t eat this and won’t eat that…Three cheers for discipline but, like, stay home and eat.” is someone I want to know. YES! Stay home, indeed. Being a scone/muffin/pastry-a-day gal myself, an immediate sense of camaraderie flooded my senses upon reading these lines and it has stayed. Shanker, author of The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, is a laugh-out loud, intense author who isn’t afraid to call it like she sees it. Shanker invites women to take another look at their own bodies and their (twisted, unsafe, atypical, {fill in your own word here}) relationship with food in an attempt to show all of us that thin is not holy, deprivation is essentially unhealthy and fat is a feminist issue! It’s feminist because fat, as a societal judgment, is not equally pejorative for men and women. The judgment of fat is more often used against women (by both men and women) as an instrument of shame and belittlement than it is against men. Like me, I bet you know plenty of fat men who seem perfectly comfortable (and why wouldn’t they be? No one calls them “fatty”. . . ) with their extra girth? Gives you pause, doesn’t it?

With The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life Shanker proves to be a bright beacon in an otherwise murky sea of societal pressure, celebrity worship and cruel prejudice. We all need a Wendy Shanker in our lives to remind us to occasionally re-check our perceived reality, step away from that scale and move toward what’s truly beautiful: a love and appreciation for the body that we do have.

[Karen Langford · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a plump girl I found this book funny and entertaining, and took away from it the idea that as a culture we really need to struggle to forget about the way people look, and try to treat everyone as human beings. Seriously, there are more important things to think about - that's the message. And it gets delivered in a nice laugh-out-loud wrapper, which is great. So don't buy this thinking this is a How To or a Self Help book. It's an entertaining read from an American stand-up comedian, with some good points made along the way. Wendy's writing is at its most incisive when she's undergoing a Fitness Center regime and slamming the US slimming industry. But it's a cert that she's not thought some of her ideas through, and some cultural assumptions about fat people are still hanging around her head. But.... it's recommended as a great girly read, and may be ideal for a mom and a daughter to read together.

[Leanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I certainly don't agree with all the ideas set out in this book, and at times it is just plain whiney and not at all uplifting! There was also a bit too much throwing around of the "real women" label for my taste. Last time I checked we were all real.

But some things, like showing yourself compassion, not getting sucked in by the media's obsession with a very narrow set of beauty standards, and knowing that you're so much more than your dress size are things I can certainly get behind. Also, the story about plus size maxipads is hilarious.

[Natka Sidebottom · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read previous reviews and thought to myself maybe it’s not as bad as it comes across. No, it’s that bad.

I find her to be extremely negative and fatphobic even though it’s a book about living your best life as a fat girl.

I got 55 pages in and I abandoned the idea of reading any further.

[Gina Zappa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I go up and down in weight and am constantly watching what I eat so there was a lot of relatable content in here.

That being said, I was not a child that ever had weight issues so that part was less relatable, yet still a good read. Also this book is a bit old so there were some very dated references. Good thing I'm on the older end of the millennial spectrum so that didn't cause me too much grief either.

Some of the statistics in here were straight up horrifying. The lengths some women will go to, to gain "perfection" is equal parts sickening and sad. Especially when most women are abusing their bodies in these ways to better suit the male gaze! We, as a society, need radical change. (Men I'm mainly looking at you.)

There was also a lot of laughs to be had in these pages, so it was a good mix of horror, sorrow and laughter

a little something for everyone.

[Danielle Routh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll be honest, I thought this was fiction when I checked it out but kept reading even after I realized it was a memoir.

Not too shabby overall. That it was written in the early 2000s is quite obvious, and not necessarily in a bad way; it's just that so much of what Shanker describes as verboten in society either for "fat girls" or about them has changed so much in just twenty years. (By the way, I looked up pictures of Shanker, and she looks pretty normal to me. But when Paris Hilton was the ideal body type for women, it was brutal out there.)

One thing I did really like is Shanker's refusal to feel sorry for herself or feel entitled to things. I see that attitude a lot in the current "fatphobia" discourse and to see Shanker own her decisions and body was refreshing.

Definitely some skinny shaming; it's inevitable in a book like this. I also found the fat women/gay man parallel interesting because, while I do see the similarities, I can't help but feel one of those categories has it harder, and it's not the one Shanker belongs to.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn't finish it!...well to be truthful I couldn't go beyond 1/4 of the way before I gave up and I never do that with books, I always persevere and can almost always find something positive to say or point to in the book, even if it's just one sentence. I cannot say that Wendy Shankar is a bad writer as this is the only thing I've read of hers, so to be fair let me just say that I just found the book repetitive, as in she's trying to hypnotize me by saying the same thing over and over again, kind of repetitive. If you want to read a book about positivity, body image, weight related issues, etc, then I recommend Chloé Hilliard's F*ck Your Diet: And Other Things My Thighs Tell Me.

[{erika} · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 1/2 stars. I definitely don't agree with everything in this book and the author does make a lot of cliche and generally sweeping statements that aren't accurate and I wouldn't classify this 100% body positive but it does have a mostly BOPO message and a lot of good quotes and thoughts and figures. In the end it stresses the importance of self compassion and self esteem to fight back against a toxic culture. I wouldn't pick it as my first choice for introducing someone to these concepts but as a whole did find a lot beneficial worth saving.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, here's the tale of a young woman going off to try a famous weight loss place. And along the way, she points out how very cruel, awful and ridiculous the whole diet industry is. Not to mention expectations of women's bodies and her own expectations for her own body. A warm, smart voice pervades the pages. This seems like a person you could sit down and talk with and trust...so. It's also funny. Read it.

[Valerie Viscusi · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was not good. Being a fat girl, I really wanted to like it. The first chapter I was like wow!! I love this girl!! But as the book went on…. It became more and more of the author just… hating everyone and everything? It seemed honestly like she was just angry at thin people, because she couldn’t lose weight. When she sad fat girls don’t drink because they’d rather have dessert? HUH?? I love to drink! It’s a big no. I couldn’t finish the book.

[Fiona Forthe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the fat positivity message in the book, which is humorous and aggressive at times. The author links body acceptance to feminism and some other issues, which are sadly still prevalent today, over a decade from the publication date. It's (mostly) not anti-thin either, so I think a message well worth reading.

[Alyssa Harvey · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book seemed to have the opposite effect on me. I know it's supposed to be empowering and inspiring - but it honestly just made me feel worse about myself. There were a few chapters I enjoyed but it didn't boost my self esteem or inspire me in my fat girl life.

[April · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is listed as a memoir, but it reads as a series of columns from a magazine for fat ladies. Each with the same message: to love yourself no matter what you look like or what society tells you. It was church for fat chicks. Boring!

[Regan]

It's been on my shelf forever. I tried a few pages and wanted to throw the thing at the wall. I think I'm better off making my own fat way through life, don't need someone else to tell me how to do it.

[Dawn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this book. I thought it would be funny and full of laughs but found it more factual and a little like a text book. The quotes were good but other than that a bit dry and a little boring.

[Reader · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is extremely problematic as you get further in. Not only does it NOT embrace feminism, it tears down other women to make "fat" feel better. As a plus size woman, this book only made me feel more self conscious and body negative.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite book of all time. It’s a must-read for us bigger humans; however, it can speak to everyone on some level. I laughed and cried and identified so much with the author.

[Michelle Santos · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF

[Toni · Rating 2 out of 5]

The main points were all good and there were some laughs. However there was too much data, references to people that are not as relevant today and saying the same thing over and over.

[Hinda · Rating 3 out of 5]

It did not aged well. I cringed at the part about Harvey Weinstein.

[C. de L. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Demasiado 2004 y demasiado estadounidense.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wendy Shanker decided to take back the word fat, and make it work for her. Her book is funny, informative, and honest. It also has some amazing self-esteem discoveries, and it promotes being healthy and learning about self-love. My only problem with it is that she sometimes contradicted herself and also repeated herself occasionally.

She writes about stereotypes, discrimination, clothing, self-esteem, sex, and even food. She pretty much breaks it down, and lets the readers know it's okay to be a fat girl.

Here are some of my favorite parts:

"If you ever want to make people visibly uncomfortable, just say the f-word (fat) out loud." It's so true. And yet it's the word she's chosen to use, and she's quite fine with it. If she says it first, what's the point of anyone else saying it to her? She also promotes eating well and working out and having a healthy body, but recognizes that there are different body types and metabolisms.

She also points out a little about food addiction...it's not considered the same as being addicted to cigarettes or alcohol, because we need food daily, we can't avoid it. This is a good point. (Ha, i actually typed pint...like pint of ice cream?)

"I don't feel fat anymore (where fat=ugly, bad, worthless, lazy). Now I am fat (where fate=the opposite of thin), but I feel....Fat. It's like, fat girls are embarassed when they can't find their size; but Fat Girls go up to the salesperson and ask for it. Or, fat girls hide their bodies in big, drapey, shapeless clothes; but Fat Girls show off their cleavage and draw attention to their curves." We should ALL do this!!!

"Stop taking cues from others and let yourself set your standards. Right now, try to honor the skin you're in."

"If you think someone will love you more if you lose weight, then your weight is not the problem.No one will love you more just because there's less of you to love." Perfectly said

"As far as I know, Gwyneth Paltrow has not compared herself to me today, so I've decided that I will not compare myself to her." So basically simple yet so elusive, I love this statement.

While worrying about having sex with someone and that person discovering she is fat: "You're fat and disgusting! What the hell did I just touch? Is that even a body part that other people have?" That made me laugh over and over again.

So, if you like non-fiction, want to learn some ways to appreciate who you are, no matter what your size is, read it.

[Penelope · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought Shanker's views and experiences about what it means to be "Fat" were funny and insightful. I had a hard time relating to her on a lot of levels, however, particularly when it came to her many rants about dieting. It often seemed to me that she was stating the obvious (i.e. diets will not make you skinny, or healthy). I did weight watchers once in high school and that was my first and last experience with "dieting." Overall I can't say I've ever felt any sort of connection to this supposedly universal (for women, at least) obsession with dieting. As a result, the bits about fad diets, pills, and medical procedures were horrifying but didn't strike a particularly personal chord with me.

The most interesting parts of this book to me were the parts that examined the psychological and emotional implications of being (or worrying about being) Fat. Her reflections on the word itself are bold, funny, and incredibly true. Why are we so afraid of this word? And how does such a simple word (a mere physical description, right?) end up with such far reaching implications and connotations?

As other reviewers have noted (perhaps not so much here on Goodreads, but on Amazon), Shanker occasionally fluctuates between self-acceptance and a lingering sense of self-reproach. Others have pointed to this as a major flaw, but I found her honesty refreshing. Anyone with serious body image issues isn't going to wake up one morning and shed those negative perceptions. It was nice to read Shanker's insights as part of a work in progress--a sort of in media res look at her personal journey toward self-acceptance, and a growing sense of pride and courage to not adhere to ridiculous commercialized standards of beauty.

Overall I thought this was an encouraging read, and would absolutely recommend it to any woman who is horrified by the prospect (or reality) of being Fat. I'm pretty sure that's about 99% of us. So go ahead and read this book.