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Tired of Apologizing for a Church I Don't Belong To: Spirituality without Stereotypes, Religion without Ranting
The popular preacher and public intellectual continues to take on the SBNRs (the spiritual but not religious) and shows Christians how to reach them.
Sloppy talk about the Christian religion has become an acceptable prejudice, especially on the part of people who pride themselves as being unprejudiced. Daniel's next book provides humorous yet intellectual commentary on the way religion gets talked about today. She explains Christian ideas and practices in non-academic, yet non-facile terms.
In her signature style, popularized in widely debated articles for The Huffington Post and Christianity Today, she outlines four types of non-church-goers: no-longer, no-way, never-have, not-yet. And with experiential insight from more than a decade as a pastor, she explains how churches of all denominations and doctrines can provide them intellectual rigor, reasons for belief, and authentic religious community. No one should have to check their brain at the door of the church, she says, and churches must deal with present-day issues and be intellectually open, inviting people to bring questions, rather than dispensing old, easy answers.
Sloppy talk about the Christian religion has become an acceptable prejudice, especially on the part of people who pride themselves as being unprejudiced. Daniel's next book provides humorous yet intellectual commentary on the way religion gets talked about today. She explains Christian ideas and practices in non-academic, yet non-facile terms.
In her signature style, popularized in widely debated articles for The Huffington Post and Christianity Today, she outlines four types of non-church-goers: no-longer, no-way, never-have, not-yet. And with experiential insight from more than a decade as a pastor, she explains how churches of all denominations and doctrines can provide them intellectual rigor, reasons for belief, and authentic religious community. No one should have to check their brain at the door of the church, she says, and churches must deal with present-day issues and be intellectually open, inviting people to bring questions, rather than dispensing old, easy answers.
208 pages, Hardcover
Published September 20, 2016
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673 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
February 27, 2019
A lot of review of things we already know. I'm not sure it's exactly what it's billed as. But I always appreciate Daniels's thoughts.
March 19, 2021
I really enjoyed this book which I found to be very relatable. It was encouraging in the sense that it addressed real issues within churches but in a way that made you feel that being part of a religious community is important. I've recommended this book to my friends and family.
August 28, 2022
I listened to the full audio book in one day. I am a fan of Lillian Daniel’s writing. This book was just okay, not my favorite. But there were some good thought provoking ideas.
September 20, 2016
Daniel was tired of feeling responsible to apologize for everything done by anyone who called themselves a Christian. She shares her thoughts on the kind of spirituality she embraces and promotes.
She writes about inventing our own spirituality, Fundamentalists defining religion, listening to NONES and attracting them to church and convincing them of the value of faith and community. She explains how exclusive salvation views turn people off. She advocates paying attention to the entire Bible, not just proof texts.
Daniel describes herself as a “liberal Christian” and an open-minded one. Evangelical Christians may have difficulty with Daniel identifying herself as a Christian. She says being born again and saved hasn't happened to her. (135) She participated in the movement for gay marriage. She writes, “I believe you can be an open-minded Christian, who thinks God can work out everyone's salvation.” (16) “I believe there are many paths to God.” (14)
Daniel emphasizes how we live, not what we believe. “I'm a pastor,” she writes, “and I don't care what you believe. I don't think God does either.” (121) She draws our attention to what Jesus said and did, not doctrine.
While I don't agree with much Daniel writes, I do appreciate that she draws attention to “Christendom” and the negative effect it has had on the perception of Christianity by many. I also appreciate her emphasis on what the church should really be doing, helping one another in community. This book reminded me that Christianity is a broad spectrum. It also reminded me that it is important I know what I believe and why I believe it.
Those within the more conservative Christian community might want to read this book to understand how the liberal Christian community thinks, worships, and ministers. There might be a good discussion resulting as to what really defines a Christian and what communities of faith are to be doing.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.
She writes about inventing our own spirituality, Fundamentalists defining religion, listening to NONES and attracting them to church and convincing them of the value of faith and community. She explains how exclusive salvation views turn people off. She advocates paying attention to the entire Bible, not just proof texts.
Daniel describes herself as a “liberal Christian” and an open-minded one. Evangelical Christians may have difficulty with Daniel identifying herself as a Christian. She says being born again and saved hasn't happened to her. (135) She participated in the movement for gay marriage. She writes, “I believe you can be an open-minded Christian, who thinks God can work out everyone's salvation.” (16) “I believe there are many paths to God.” (14)
Daniel emphasizes how we live, not what we believe. “I'm a pastor,” she writes, “and I don't care what you believe. I don't think God does either.” (121) She draws our attention to what Jesus said and did, not doctrine.
While I don't agree with much Daniel writes, I do appreciate that she draws attention to “Christendom” and the negative effect it has had on the perception of Christianity by many. I also appreciate her emphasis on what the church should really be doing, helping one another in community. This book reminded me that Christianity is a broad spectrum. It also reminded me that it is important I know what I believe and why I believe it.
Those within the more conservative Christian community might want to read this book to understand how the liberal Christian community thinks, worships, and ministers. There might be a good discussion resulting as to what really defines a Christian and what communities of faith are to be doing.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.
February 12, 2023
I really like Lillians hot take on Christianity and what most Christians should do to represent their faith. I love that she lays out some radical love based views and addresses the Christian PR issue. It makes you really want to talk to people about Jesus and how they feel about church.
January 14, 2025
Unhelpful pandering to regular Christians with more stomping on American Nationalists. We’ve all had this conversation 100 times already.
Did appreciate the wisdom from a Pastor regarding people who haven’t encountered the church before - the new generation.
Needs a new editor as well lol
Did appreciate the wisdom from a Pastor regarding people who haven’t encountered the church before - the new generation.
Needs a new editor as well lol
May 16, 2021
A gentle kicking of the bride of Christ, but a kicking, nonetheless.
April 9, 2022
3.5 stars.
I think this book would be good for many people "in the church" to read.
And, well, the subtitle was a little misleading. I feel like there was some minor ranting.
I think this book would be good for many people "in the church" to read.
And, well, the subtitle was a little misleading. I feel like there was some minor ranting.
September 21, 2019
The basic idea of this book is that the Christian church in the broad sense has let the wrong people define it: the televangelists, the Far Right, the witch-burners, etc. This unpleasant picture of Christianity has resulted in a public relations problem with a public which accepts this picture as the whole of religion. In contrast with the image of a body of money-grubbing, narrow-minded, anti-intellectual hypocrites, Lillian Daniel believes that the church has a lot to be proud of, and a lot to offer.
I agree with her on most points, and I like her description—and prescriptions for—the “Four Types of Nones.” I think religious leaders, in particular, could find valuable insights in Tired Of Apologizing For A Church I Don’t Belong To. Furthermore, Daniel’s writing is clear and sometimes laugh-aloud funny.
Unfortunately, while I’m sure there is enough material behind her premise to fill a book even longer than the 195 pages offered here, the present volume feels like an article that has been stretched. There are too many repetitions, some of which read like the result of slipshod editing. There are also digressions and anecdotes that detract from, rather than support, Daniel’s thesis.
I liked a lot about this book, but think it falls one or two rewrites short of its potential.
I agree with her on most points, and I like her description—and prescriptions for—the “Four Types of Nones.” I think religious leaders, in particular, could find valuable insights in Tired Of Apologizing For A Church I Don’t Belong To. Furthermore, Daniel’s writing is clear and sometimes laugh-aloud funny.
Unfortunately, while I’m sure there is enough material behind her premise to fill a book even longer than the 195 pages offered here, the present volume feels like an article that has been stretched. There are too many repetitions, some of which read like the result of slipshod editing. There are also digressions and anecdotes that detract from, rather than support, Daniel’s thesis.
I liked a lot about this book, but think it falls one or two rewrites short of its potential.
December 5, 2016
Lillian Daniel writes well. For that reason this was an enjoyable book to read. The content was lacking and the title was somewhat misleading. There were a lot of good points in this book and she intrigued me to continue reading. It was a very quick read, but very "liberal" in substance. Hats off to the writer for evangelizing the faith.
November 4, 2017
This book is no master work—Lillian Daniels, the bestselling author who wrote the Spiritual but Not Religious... series of articles and book does, however, speak from a mostly down-to-earth and relatively rational perspective about Christian faiths. It’s really a book for anyone, with any set of beliefs or non beliefs, who seeks to better understand a faith that has been under recent fire from publicity of its fundamental, judgmental contingent. The point Daniels argues is that, as with anything, one cannot paint with a broad brush about ‘all Christians’ just like one cannot paint with a broad brush about all Muslims, all Hindus, all Jews, or all Atheists and Agnostics. People are as complex and variegated as they are populous, and saying carte A matches carte B and C because they’re all cartes is both unfair and dangerous. If we walk around like that, we miss the point of religion: that of community and that of being part of a tradition much larger than oneself. Empowerment is fine, but Daniels argues that we live in an increasingly narcissistic culture where one only argues on behalf of the self, not on behalf of others or on behalf of something, anything higher. It’s also not a club that we can kick people in and out of: technically, if the words of Christ are to be followed, all are welcome, and all can come as they are. It’s a refreshing perspective on something that has seemed stagnant and unwelcoming, until perhaps the election of the relatively liberal Francis to the Papacy. Do good to others. Love one another. Have some faith in something. Search for your place and fight for it. Don’t feel the need to apologize for an extremist’s choices in representing an entire culture. These are the messages espoused in the book, which was a quick and enjoyable read.
March 12, 2019
Wow, what a great book! I'm so glad to have met Lillian Daniel, a new to me author. This book really spoke to me, so much so that I have recorded some of my favorite ideas and quotes from the book:
I liked learning about SBNR - Spiritual but not religious ("Stop boring me")
I learned about 4 types of "nones": 1. No way. 2. No longer. 3. Never have. 4. Not yet.
Her analogies of the spiritual practices to sports or practicing medicine, and her analogy of finding a church is like finding a college to go to.
"Anyone can find God alone on a picturesque mountaintop. The miracle is that we can find God in the company of other people as annoying as we are."
"It is profoundly counter cultural to take an hour each week to worship someone other than oneself. It's even weirder to do it with other people in community and over time, in a tradition older and larger than you are."
"Stop agonizing over what you believe, as if that determines whether or not you can be in church ... Your beliefs are not that important. You're not that important. I"m not that important. Heaven has got to be a lot more interesting than a debate about doctrine. If heaven is a place with a theological checklist, I don't want to go."
"Religion at its best focuses on how to live, not what to think.
"We may feed the hungry, visit the sick, and love our enemies, but non-religious people can do all these things as poorly as religious people. What sets us apart is our practice of worshipping God in the company of other people in a tradition larger and older than we are."
I will be highly recommending this book to my friends!
I liked learning about SBNR - Spiritual but not religious ("Stop boring me")
I learned about 4 types of "nones": 1. No way. 2. No longer. 3. Never have. 4. Not yet.
Her analogies of the spiritual practices to sports or practicing medicine, and her analogy of finding a church is like finding a college to go to.
"Anyone can find God alone on a picturesque mountaintop. The miracle is that we can find God in the company of other people as annoying as we are."
"It is profoundly counter cultural to take an hour each week to worship someone other than oneself. It's even weirder to do it with other people in community and over time, in a tradition older and larger than you are."
"Stop agonizing over what you believe, as if that determines whether or not you can be in church ... Your beliefs are not that important. You're not that important. I"m not that important. Heaven has got to be a lot more interesting than a debate about doctrine. If heaven is a place with a theological checklist, I don't want to go."
"Religion at its best focuses on how to live, not what to think.
"We may feed the hungry, visit the sick, and love our enemies, but non-religious people can do all these things as poorly as religious people. What sets us apart is our practice of worshipping God in the company of other people in a tradition larger and older than we are."
I will be highly recommending this book to my friends!
August 9, 2020
It took me quite a while to identify this book's main message, which, from what I gather, is that it's more inviting when mainline Christians spend their energy sharing the value they've personally found in Christian tradition than when they apologize profusely for all the wrongs in Church history and modern day evangelicalism. Maybe a few years as an unofficial Methodist just doesn't give me enough background in liberal, mainline churches to understand Daniels' point of view, but I struggled to think of any real person who fits the caricatures of the "Nones" she centers so much of the book around.
I agree with many other reviews that much of this book, and even within chapters at times, was repetitive. It would have been strengthened with more personal examples of the four types of "Nones"-- without them, it was a lot of generalizations-- and with fewer of Daniels' personal opinions on somewhat random topics. While I don't disagree, commentary on topics like women's role in Church leadership seemed misplaced.
Ultimately, I can get behind Daniels' message not to apologize for one's personal experience of faith, but found this book lacking. Maybe this one hits differently for longtime mainline Christians, but as a former evangelical, I struggled to connect, and frankly, don't mind apologizing for the Church's wrongs. Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz was a more compelling read for those still interested in this general topic.
I agree with many other reviews that much of this book, and even within chapters at times, was repetitive. It would have been strengthened with more personal examples of the four types of "Nones"-- without them, it was a lot of generalizations-- and with fewer of Daniels' personal opinions on somewhat random topics. While I don't disagree, commentary on topics like women's role in Church leadership seemed misplaced.
Ultimately, I can get behind Daniels' message not to apologize for one's personal experience of faith, but found this book lacking. Maybe this one hits differently for longtime mainline Christians, but as a former evangelical, I struggled to connect, and frankly, don't mind apologizing for the Church's wrongs. Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz was a more compelling read for those still interested in this general topic.
January 31, 2018
Our Book Club just finished Daniel's book. It follows her earlier book titled, "Spiritual but not Religious" Is Not Enough: Seeing God in Surprising Places, Even the Church. She serves a U.C.C. congregation in Dubuque, Ia.
She spoke to Brethren ministers last summer at a pre-conference meeting. I found it easy to read and understand. In chapter 5 she lists Four Types of Nones. 1) no ways; 2) no longers; 3) never haves; and 4) not yets. This is not an exhaustive list, but she attempts to describe the folks who have given up on the church.
The paperback version has a rather weak set of discussion questions in the back, but those are not available in the hardback copy. We tried to use them, but they weren't very helpful.
I laughed many times at the stories she tells, and was well worth our time reading. It was a good book club book for lay people, but lacked the depth pastors and scholars would expect. There were no footnotes or references, but since I agreed with her opinions I didn't really need them.
She spoke to Brethren ministers last summer at a pre-conference meeting. I found it easy to read and understand. In chapter 5 she lists Four Types of Nones. 1) no ways; 2) no longers; 3) never haves; and 4) not yets. This is not an exhaustive list, but she attempts to describe the folks who have given up on the church.
The paperback version has a rather weak set of discussion questions in the back, but those are not available in the hardback copy. We tried to use them, but they weren't very helpful.
I laughed many times at the stories she tells, and was well worth our time reading. It was a good book club book for lay people, but lacked the depth pastors and scholars would expect. There were no footnotes or references, but since I agreed with her opinions I didn't really need them.
December 22, 2020
I was drawn to this book by its title because I'm in a current place where I'm sorry for the way the (collective) evangelical churches are behaving in regards to politics, fundamentalism and exclusion of people groups. It's a quick read, but I did find it rather disjointed. Daniel makes some good points regarding reaching the marginalized - in one chapter she relays a story of a parishioner complaining about a drunk homeless person in the pews. The usher responded by saying that lots of other parishioners arrive drunk as well - the only difference is that they've had access to a shower first. Bottom line - we're all sinners and we will start to reconcile our differences when we are able to pack away our prejudices. The days of "love the sinner, hate the sin" need to morph into "we're all sinners and how can we come together to hold each other up."
October 5, 2019
I thought that I could avoid buying the print edition by listening to the audio version. No -- I was pleasantly surprised and I need to order multiple copies now, mark up my copy and organize a small group reading and discussion in my church. The author lays out many challenging perspectives that merit attention. A succinct rant, at a time when I need to think and act in my local church and at a denominational level, particularly around the 5 reasons WHY folks aren't in church (the "not-yet"
insights intrigued me.)
insights intrigued me.)
October 27, 2018
While a bit dry in spots (I really had to push myself through part 1’s discussion of the four types of people not in church), Daniel’s writing is relatable. She points out the tension of Christianity, politics and the media, but gives little in the way of tangible answers. It’s a great place to start a conversation.
May 1, 2021
A refreshing take on Christian faith. How we can be both open minded and open to God. And how the search for a church that is right for us isn't always easy. Faith indeed is a journey, and not just a tourist attraction. How we approach our faith journey ultimately determines our community. I recommend this book to all who are truly open minded, about life, about faith and about community.
May 2, 2021
I will be reading this again, with a notebook or highlighter handy, jotting down nuggets of wisdom. Beautifully written, who would have thought a book about Christianity and faith would be a real page-turner? I finished in one afternoon, eager now to open up a conversation based on this wonderful book.
August 5, 2023
I was fortunate enough to hear this author speak recently. She was very honest and thought provoking so I bought her most recent book. This book really spoke to me as well. I would highly recommend it to anyone concerned about the present state of organized religion. While some may see it as controversial, I found it very hopeful and positive.
November 28, 2018
Rev. Daniels writes clearly and cleanly. The fact that she says so succinctly what I think is certainly a part of the 5 stars
May 16, 2022
This book reminded me of why I'm putting liberal Christianity behind me for Judaism. Her attempts at humor often fell flat with me and I found plenty of her word choice rather offensive.
November 28, 2023
I was hoping for some new information. There were a few statistics, but basically, it was one long essay of her thoughts on finding a church. I had to force myself to finish.
July 3, 2024
Buoyed my spirits.
February 3, 2025
churches (and people) that want to grow should do some introspection. this book may be a good starting point
May 5, 2025
This is a very well-balanced book about the need for some changes in how we see church. Well written and made me think.
July 21, 2025
Says a lot of nice things, but guts Christianity of its content (and thus of salvation). A good example of the attraction and paucity of liberal Christianity. Tosses creed for screed.
June 7, 2023
Gives you lots to think about especially now with all the maga craziness. Why do we think and act as we do about faith
September 6, 2016
Tired of Apologizing for a Church I Don’t Belong To: Spirituality without Stereotypes, Religion without Ranting explores Christianity and religion in a world that is often spiritual but not religious, and examines the Nones – individuals who have no religious affiliation. Daniel divides the Nones into four groups: the no longer, the never have, the not yet, and the no way. The book talks about how both the Nones and Christians treat religion, faith, and doubt. Daniel is a Christian pastor, and her ideas are left-leaning in nature.
What makes the book most interesting are the stories and anecdotes that Daniel shares while illustrating her points; for example, the book opens up with an engaging story about Daniels’ encounter with a Sikh man at a Marshalls store. Two of the most intriguing sections of the book were a discussion of the rise of the Christian right and Post-Christendom Christianity and an analysis of what it really means for the Lord to be the Shepherd and for Christians to be his flock.
*Received this book for review*
What makes the book most interesting are the stories and anecdotes that Daniel shares while illustrating her points; for example, the book opens up with an engaging story about Daniels’ encounter with a Sikh man at a Marshalls store. Two of the most intriguing sections of the book were a discussion of the rise of the Christian right and Post-Christendom Christianity and an analysis of what it really means for the Lord to be the Shepherd and for Christians to be his flock.
*Received this book for review*
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews