Married And Still Loving It: The Joys and Challenges of the Second Half

by Gary Chapman, Harold Myra

Long marriages are a gift… but they aren’t always easy

You know yourselves better. You’ve learned to cherish the small things. You’re past keeping up with the Joneses.

And yet, anxieties over grown children, worries about money and health, and feelings of disappointment can challenge even the best marriages.

In Married and Still Loving It, renowned relationship expert Gary Chapman and Harold Myra, longtime CEO of Christianity Today International, offer wise counsel and practical insight on making your marriage thrive during the later years. Real couples share honestly about their joys and struggles, including Jerry and Dianna Jenkins and Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada, who talk movingly about their marital journeys.

Married and Still Loving It feels like a gathering of kindred spirits. It will inspire and equip you to embrace the adventures yet ahead, hand in hand with the one you love.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Relationships, Parenting

177 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 5, 2016

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my opinion this was not as good as the other books I have read by Gary Chapman. There were some pieces of advice through the stories, but the stories seemed to follow more a few different people in their lives, those peoples feelings about each other, or what they’ve experienced in life and how they’ve been able to incorporate that in their marriages and move on in their lives together. It wasn’t a bad book, just not as good as his other books, and I felt it wasn’t as helpful or insightful as the others I’ve read.

[Scott Wise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid basic advice, but basic in the sense that it is good to return to and remind yourself of regularly .

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a nice compilation of stories from married couples who’ve survived various trials, and some good reminders from the authors. It was nice to read even though we are only 7 years into marriage.

[Jeanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the marriage, your spouse should be home for you and you should be home for your spouse. One of the greatest joys of marriage in the second half. The challenge is getting there.

Married and Still Loving it is directed more for marriage after the nest has emptied and you find yourself asking "what now"? I think this gem of a book is for all marriages. The beginnings of marriage as you begin to know your spouse. The start of a family when dynamics and responsibilities change and then of course when the children leave and start families of their own. Marriage has a life of its own and this book is a testimony of that. Has your marriage lost it's life?
In this day of self, marriage can die but it is in serving each other that it can be brought back to life. What about the spouse that refuses that? That is where grace comes in and we are more like Christ in those situations. That is where marriage is a reflection of the Gospel.

The book is divided into 3 parts. Part 1 - The adventure of marriage. It can be changing our attitude and saying yes to different things. Part 2 - Touches on where to live to sex. How difficulties in sex as we get older can be overcome and draw us closer. Sex is a spiritual matter that is designed for intimacy where two become one and fulfills a need to be known. Part 3 is facing crisis and death.

Each chapter touches on issues with testimonies of other couples. One of those couples that was encouraging was Joni Errickson Tada and her husband Ken. Such a great example of marriage as a couple but also individuals serving each others and others together. There are also ideals for you and your husband to jump start your marriage. How to communicate needs and to learn to enjoy each other on the great adventure of marriage!

A Special Thank You to Moody Publishing and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

[Kristie J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

2 1/2 stars. This book touches briefly on a lot of different subjects that affect marriages as people get older. Subjects such as dealing with adult children, facing health problems, financial hardships like losing a job, sexual health as we age, worrying about the future, etc. Some of the subjects didn't apply to me, for example, I don't have children, while all of the couples in the book did. I would have liked to see an example of a couple that didn't have children and grandchildren. There is a strong Christian focus with Bible verses throughout. I felt like the writing, especially in the middle of the book, was a bit dry.

There are lots of brief stories of long-married couples facing various kinds of challenges and getting through them together, mostly by praying and having faith. There were few techniques presented to help couples otherwise. I thought Part 3 was the best part and I appreciated the chapters about grief, resiliency, and anxiety.

I waffled between 2 stars because the material was quite dry and 3 stars because I appreciated the theme of long-term marriages, which you don't see addressed in books often.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a helpful book that deals with some of the blessings of being married for a long time -- and also, some of the challenges. It's easy to take your marriage or your spouse for granted as you become "comfortable" together, but that's no excuse for "phoning it in!" Retirement, health issues, sexual changes, stress from grown children and other sources can cause problems for older couples. But love can also be deeper and more satisfying when you face challenges with someone you've known and loved for years. This is not a theologically deep book, but a good book with Biblical reminders of making marriage a priority at every stage.

[James Biser · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great read for any of us who have been married for a while. At first love is all about romance and adventure, but it becomes house-keeping and fostering children. Then it becomes loving from a distance and the struggles of the adults and grandchildren that came from your home. As the creature we call a relationship changes, the way we share love and time is different. It never becomes less rich. Reading this made me realize that I should read the Love Language books.

[Laura-Jo Reeves · Rating 1 out of 5]

Cute stories, but as a young-ish wife I learned nothing about how to prepare for later years in my marriage now. I also found it repulsive for a man to recommend women take estrogen to keep their bedroom alive, but then shortly after said men don’t need to take viagra. Just felt like a complete double standard, and an issue each couple should talk about individually and decide what’s best - whether it be no meds, some meds, or all the meds. Only finished because it was a short read.

[Marinda Wise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing groundbreaking if you read books on marriage regularly, but a lovely focus on the second half of marriage.
Don't believe the lie- marriage is not outdated and long-term, happy marriages do exist.
Deep down - that is what we all want when we say "I do".
In so many ways, I truly feel the second half can be even better than the first half, and I've enjoyed my first half.
Little bits of wisdom throughout and an easy read.

[Jason · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very religiously focused. Not what I was expecting. My level of religiousness was not the same as the authors so I found it jolting. There were some tidbits from this that I could take home and apply but not enough for the length of the book, not that it is long!

[Kayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book! I had learned a lot of the information from other books, but it was a great summarization. And it was nice to have a focus on the later half of marriage.

[Micah Grant · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice fire older couples, and the challenges they will face.

[Debbie McCall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably should read this every few years for a refresher. Thankful to Gary for being truthful about his own flaws. Thankful for the very honest insights. Learned a lot!

[Brian · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not well thought out or written. And what's with the repetitions of "and I, Gary" line?

[Rick Beideman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good, with lots of stories from couples. I liked the Five Love Languages better, but if you have read that; this is good too.

[Laura Najera · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was not the right audience for this book

[Seiffine · Rating 2 out of 5]

nur bis Seite 21, sehr christlich

[Molly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Intended for middle aged and up marriages

[Catherine B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wish I could have given 3.5 stars. Good book for overall encouragement and empathy for the challenges of long term marriage.

[Donna Pincince · Rating 3 out of 5]

More focused on stories and reminders about the future stages of life than on specifics about how to navigate them.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good practical things to think about in marriage, especially the second half.

[Angela Coleman · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Jon Major · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good book, with some healthy encouragement and tips for the second half of marriage.

[Julie Reischman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Big Christianity bent, which works for some.
Biggest take away: At least Phil & I have not suffered any real, concrete devastation ~~ affairs, loss of a child ~~ going through grief together sounds impossible.
How did Ray & Phyllis do it?
Of course their faith.
Become Toby.
Turned: " So you lied to me for 24 hours" into:
"They're be a lot of firsts"

[Victoria W.]

Let's be honest, at first glance I do not appear to fall within the target audience of Chapman and Myra's new book Married and Still Loving It.



This collaboration is geared towards those in the later years of life: post kids, looking towards retirement, facing the reality of the joys and challenges of living together through the "golden years."

Here's the thing.

I want that.
I want a strong marriage when our kids are grown and gone.
I look forward to spending our time together building off of a strong foundation and to have a strong foundation takes work. So, even though I'm not the target audience, I still found the majority of this book useful as it speaks to a stage of life I anticipate and wish to build towards using the wisdom of those who have gone ahead.

I appreciated Chapman and Myra's honesty, both from themselves as well as the many other couples either referenced or even interviewed throughout the course of this book. These real life scenarios, triumphs and sorrows, the nitty-gritty gave life to such broad concepts such as grief, transition, purpose and new direction.
While these are areas that can affect any stage of marriage and life, it was so helpful to have the stories to bring these concepts into a tangible expression of how they can look in later life.

I also appreciated how this book stands alone.
Confession time, Despite my time at an evangelical college I haven't actually read the 5 love languages. Somehow, even as a counselling major, I managed to miss every single class it was referenced in. I was concerned this lack of exposure may create some confusion as it is the most commonly associated teaching with Gary Chapman. While this was referenced the references were self contained and fed into this book rather than distracting to another as was my fear.

I enjoyed the practicality of Still Married. Although I'm unfamiliar with the author's previous work, from what I've heard this is fairly typical of his writing. One of my biggest frustrations with counselling type books is when they get lost in jargon or theory and you can't pass it along to someone who would benefit from it. This book is accessible. The writing is easy and conversational. The topics are one's that most people will encounter. Not everyone will loose the same type of person but everyone will face grief. Not everyone will have to face picking up and moving but everyone faces transitions, especially as we age. Not everyone will have a spouse or child with health concerns but everyone will face, at the least, the challenges that come as we age. A reader would have to try hard not to find a point of connection within Chapman and Myra's writing.

Overall, I think this is a strong book for those who are looking forward to the future of their marriage whether it's down the road or around the corner. 4 out of 5 stars.

I received this book from Moody Publishers in exchange for my honest opinion. The views expressed are my own.

[Lori · Rating 2 out of 5]

Be kind & do fun stuff together...

[Kelsie Engen · Rating 4 out of 5]

"If I tried to summarize, I would have to say these are the two essentials: that the husband and wife love and serve each other, thus meeting the emotional need for love and intimacy. And secondly, that they deal effectively with their failures by apologizing and forgiving. Apologizing and forgiving are essential because none of us are perfect."

It took me a long time to get through this book. Not because it's boring, but because it's geared toward a slightly difference audience than me. I have been married ten years, and this is geared toward those with even more years under the belt, or at least those older than me with grown kids and plenty of baggage. I have my baggage, but not particularly the kind discussed here. In fact it makes the troubles in marriage look like mere blips on the radar. And they are. 

This book was still a good read for me, and has encouraged me to be a better wife and to refocus my efforts in marriage, not onto my husband so much as onto God. He is the one who can save any marriage. He is the one who offers the grace and forgiveness needed to maintain peace in a marriage. 

To those who have spent many years married to their spouse and hope to spend many more (or even those that have given up on hope), read this book. It may restore your faith in marriage and in God. There are many stories here that may just resonate with you, your spouse, or even your children and your individual sufferings. Do not give up on the marathon of marriage. It is well worth the effort to reach the finish having run a good race. 

*i was given a copy of this book by Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.

[Tony · Rating 2 out of 5]

So I was in between audio books, and still very committed to staying on track for my goal of 52 books this year, so I was browsing the "always available" section of my library's online site. I saw the author of Married and Stil Loving It, Dr. Gary Chapman, and recognized him from his bestselling book The Five Love Languages. That is my all time favorite relationship book, so without even reading the rest of the cover I checked it this one and plugged it in as I started my next run. I was a little surprised to find that this book was about marriage, yes, but about the second half of marriage. I was committed for the next 40 mins, so I gave it a try. It was interesting enough that I finished the book over the next few days.

Yes, the subject was a little beyond my time, but it will still be relevant, eventually. Society talks more about other transitions between phases of life than it does the transition from active family life to the empty-nester phase. To be honest, I hadn't thought that much about it until now, and this book contained a thorough discussion of the topic.

Aging is inevitable, but perhaps there is a reason we don't talk as much about it. There are some distinctly less exciting parts of the experience. It was interesting, but some of the discussion was depressing. If you are wondering about that stage of life, or if it is upon you and you feel unprepared, then this is the book for you. Otherwise, it can wait.

[Justin Tapp · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not a huge fan of Gary Chapman books, but my wife and I give this five stars and recommend it.

This is a great book for couples who have been married a few years and are looking to glean wisdom from older couples and really think about how to cement the relationship for the trials ahead. The authors have compiled interviews from many regular / anonymous Christian couples who have gone through ups and downs. There are also extended interviews with Jerry and Diana Jenkins, Joni and Ken Tada, and John and Cindy Trent. Of these, I enjoyed Jerry Jenkins’ thoughts the most. Gary Chapman offers a thought at the end about three questions that radically changed his marriage: 1. What can I do to help you? 2. How can I make your life easier? 3. How can I be a better husband to you?

Part Three on resiliency and facing challenging times was the most poignant for me. The authors interview several who have gone through the loss of a loved one, an unexpected job loss, or health setback. Accepting that your partner processes things and mourns differently than you do is critical to surviving. Having a firm foundation early in your marriage – truly being friends and teammates – is also critically important.

The text of the book takes up 75% of the Kindle version, the other 25% is an excerpt from three other Gary Chapman books (When Sorry Isn’t Enough, 52 Uncommon Dates, and Team Us

[Kellie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I breezed through this book much more quickly than I expected to, but I can't really figure out why. It's not really that it's short, but I think the way it's structured just keeps you moving through.

This is a book for those couples who maybe don't still have kids at home and are entering the later stages of married life, so I'm not quite there yet, but I did find a few gems that I will store away for later. The book does come back to the 5 love languages a few times, which is what piqued my interest in this book to begin with, so it was helpful to have that little refresher.

Mainly, the idea of the book seems to be that marriage is a commitment and all good commitments take work and nurturing. That's helpful stuff no matter where you are in life. I had to keep coming back to the title of the book because it seemed to jump from here to there sometimes, but everything in there did connect back to marriage after many years.

There were lots of anecdotes and case studies, which I usually enjoy. It's always nice to feel that you're getting a glimpse into someone else's relationship and to see how they have worked through particular issues. Some of the end-of-chapter interviews seemed a bit long relative to the meat of the book, though.

This one would be great to discuss with a small group of people in similar life circumstances. Lots of good potential for conversation.