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When I Was Your Girlfriend
How can you be sure that your first love wasn’t your true love?
In When I Was Your Girlfriend, African-American lesbian Dee Armstrong leads a seemingly charmed life. She has a successful midwifery practice, a supportive family, and an exciting romantic life. But when Dee mistakenly believes she will have to confront her first love and first heartbreak, Candace, it sends her tumbling back into her memories to re-live the terrifying and exhilarating joy of being a teenager in love … with another girl.
Convinced that Candace was her one true love, Dee sets off on a tumultuous cross country journey to find her in hopes of renewing their relationship. When she does not find the reconciliation she had hoped for, she dives into a new relationship with Noema, an outspoken artist. She feels completely vindicated until she makes the awful discovery that this too, has been more fantasy than the real love she desires. Dee’s quest leads to some serious soul searching and the realization that maybe love wasn’t the only thing that she lost all those years ago.
In When I Was Your Girlfriend, African-American lesbian Dee Armstrong leads a seemingly charmed life. She has a successful midwifery practice, a supportive family, and an exciting romantic life. But when Dee mistakenly believes she will have to confront her first love and first heartbreak, Candace, it sends her tumbling back into her memories to re-live the terrifying and exhilarating joy of being a teenager in love … with another girl.
Convinced that Candace was her one true love, Dee sets off on a tumultuous cross country journey to find her in hopes of renewing their relationship. When she does not find the reconciliation she had hoped for, she dives into a new relationship with Noema, an outspoken artist. She feels completely vindicated until she makes the awful discovery that this too, has been more fantasy than the real love she desires. Dee’s quest leads to some serious soul searching and the realization that maybe love wasn’t the only thing that she lost all those years ago.
214 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 6, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
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March 27, 2016I really enjoyed this story of reunited love.
January 24, 2022
4 stars. This was really good. It’s not a five star only for the fact that the writing was a bit clunky and awkward at times but that’s because it’s present tense and first person which isn’t my favorite but I got used to it eventually. The story and characters were wonderful.
I loved Dee. She’s a successful Midwife but her love life is a mess. She’s still hung up on her high school sweetheart, Candace, and I really liked the flashbacks of the demise of that relationship and them reconnecting years later.
This was great and I loved the breakthrough that Dee ends up having because she had such a clouded view of her relationship with Candace that when she started to confront what actually happened she was able to see how and why things ended the way that it did. It was very well done. Dee is such a likable character. She’s funny and charming and I was rooting for her the entire time. Everything wrapped up nicely. I will definitely be reading more by Harmon because I am always on the lookout for Black authors who write Black queer women falling in love.
I loved Dee. She’s a successful Midwife but her love life is a mess. She’s still hung up on her high school sweetheart, Candace, and I really liked the flashbacks of the demise of that relationship and them reconnecting years later.
This was great and I loved the breakthrough that Dee ends up having because she had such a clouded view of her relationship with Candace that when she started to confront what actually happened she was able to see how and why things ended the way that it did. It was very well done. Dee is such a likable character. She’s funny and charming and I was rooting for her the entire time. Everything wrapped up nicely. I will definitely be reading more by Harmon because I am always on the lookout for Black authors who write Black queer women falling in love.
December 11, 2020
I enjoyed reading this romance novel that was relatable and, at times, humorous. I would love to see this story on screen one day. This is the kind of story I have always wanted to read and needs to be told. I am glad this story is out in the world. I'm looking forward to reading Harmon's next novel, "Neither Here Nor There."
January 2, 2018
"When I Was Your Girlfriend" is a romantic escapade featuring Dee Armstrong, a smart, capable, and stable woman with just enough flaws and hang-ups to form an interesting and strong-willed character.
On page one, the reader learns that Dee is “the only black lesbian midwife in Philadelphia.” Thank you Nikki Harmon for giving your protagonist a kick-ass profession. I appreciate the symbolism because, personally, I believe we are mothers of the universe.
Dee is serial dater, six months into a solid relationship with Pepper. For Dee, however, the love is lackluster. When Dee begins to question why she can’t muster up or sustain that head-over-heels feeling for any of the (many) women has dated, she realizes that she’s only been in love once.
Candace is the long-lost love who swept Dee off her feet in high school. They have been out of touch for 15 years, but this doesn’t stop Dee from traveling across the country with her best friend, Vivian, in pursuit of Candace—all because her flame for Candace hasn’t died. Though Dee is optimistic about the quest, she isn’t prepared for the realities of their pasts or the possibility that their youthful love has fizzled out. This alone turned into a bit of a mystery, which drove my curiosity for answers just as much as Dee.
Speaking of Vivian, she’s got a from-the-hip and down-to-earth personality that nicely balances out Dee’s single-minded desires.
Overall, I enjoyed the moments of depth throughout this story as well as Dee’s clear voice, her whims, humor, and interests—which are completely opposite of my experiences. The pacing irked me a bit until I realized that Harmon would weave flashbacks to build a past and present plot that leisurely unveils this love story. Harmon sprinkles throughout the thrills and challenges that Dee and Candace faced while navigating an all-girls high school and abiding to the expectations of conservative families.
During these flashbacks, Dee and Candace were sometimes too naïve for me. They were overly sheltered (on many levels) and sometimes too ignorant to elicit my sympathy. This doesn’t overshadow the fact that they are closeted teen lovers who are too scared to risk the sanctity of facades for the freedom of honesty and the right to lay bare their sexuality. There are too many Black families that teach youth to be shallow about sexuality without realizing the ramifications that poor self-image and efficacy have on adulthood and the overall damage it causes to our cultural legacy.
‘Nough said there.
Unfortunately, there were many distracting errors throughout the read. Also, the midwife subplot with Laurie and Leslie allowed Dee to showcase her professional talent. However, this subplot crashed and burned; for me, it didn’t add significance to Dee’s journey.
Nonetheless, "When I Was Your Girlfriend" is a homerun for readers who enjoy spoon-me romances. This novel was released in January 2016, and I hope that Harmon doesn’t wait long too long to publish another.
[originally posted at the Black Lesbian Literary Collective]
On page one, the reader learns that Dee is “the only black lesbian midwife in Philadelphia.” Thank you Nikki Harmon for giving your protagonist a kick-ass profession. I appreciate the symbolism because, personally, I believe we are mothers of the universe.
Dee is serial dater, six months into a solid relationship with Pepper. For Dee, however, the love is lackluster. When Dee begins to question why she can’t muster up or sustain that head-over-heels feeling for any of the (many) women has dated, she realizes that she’s only been in love once.
Candace is the long-lost love who swept Dee off her feet in high school. They have been out of touch for 15 years, but this doesn’t stop Dee from traveling across the country with her best friend, Vivian, in pursuit of Candace—all because her flame for Candace hasn’t died. Though Dee is optimistic about the quest, she isn’t prepared for the realities of their pasts or the possibility that their youthful love has fizzled out. This alone turned into a bit of a mystery, which drove my curiosity for answers just as much as Dee.
Speaking of Vivian, she’s got a from-the-hip and down-to-earth personality that nicely balances out Dee’s single-minded desires.
Overall, I enjoyed the moments of depth throughout this story as well as Dee’s clear voice, her whims, humor, and interests—which are completely opposite of my experiences. The pacing irked me a bit until I realized that Harmon would weave flashbacks to build a past and present plot that leisurely unveils this love story. Harmon sprinkles throughout the thrills and challenges that Dee and Candace faced while navigating an all-girls high school and abiding to the expectations of conservative families.
During these flashbacks, Dee and Candace were sometimes too naïve for me. They were overly sheltered (on many levels) and sometimes too ignorant to elicit my sympathy. This doesn’t overshadow the fact that they are closeted teen lovers who are too scared to risk the sanctity of facades for the freedom of honesty and the right to lay bare their sexuality. There are too many Black families that teach youth to be shallow about sexuality without realizing the ramifications that poor self-image and efficacy have on adulthood and the overall damage it causes to our cultural legacy.
‘Nough said there.
Unfortunately, there were many distracting errors throughout the read. Also, the midwife subplot with Laurie and Leslie allowed Dee to showcase her professional talent. However, this subplot crashed and burned; for me, it didn’t add significance to Dee’s journey.
Nonetheless, "When I Was Your Girlfriend" is a homerun for readers who enjoy spoon-me romances. This novel was released in January 2016, and I hope that Harmon doesn’t wait long too long to publish another.
[originally posted at the Black Lesbian Literary Collective]
September 4, 2025
This is the book that queer women of color have been awaiting for quite some time, with respect to characterization and representation. It's rare to find same gender loving women of color at the center of fiction written this well. It was a joy to take in the throwback references to 90's music, pop culture and Philly-based sights and sounds that the author deftly conjures for the reader. All of those wonderful things are like extra gift-wrapping around the true nectar of this novel: a poignant, beautiful, timeless story of falling in the love for the first time and never quite getting over it. There's so much heart, humor and writerly craftsmanship in this book. Too, it's quite cinematic. I can see these characters and this story unfolding in movie-form. I so look forward to reading subsequent work from this writer and to watching her career blossom. I'm definitely a fan now.
January 9, 2024
I enjoyed this book about first love and the impact this may have on your future relationships.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews