Vow of Celibacy

by Erin Judge

Natalie has made a promise: a vow of celibacy, signed and witnessed by her best friend. After a string of sexual conquests, she is determined to figure out why the intense romantic connections she’s spent her life chasing have left her emotionally high and dry. As Natalie sifts through her past and her present, she confronts her complicated feelings about her plus-sized figure, her bisexuality, and her thwarted career in fashion design.

Piecing together toxic relationship patterns from her past, Natalie finds herself strutting down fashion runways and rekindling her passion for clothing design in the present. All the while, her best friend, Anastaze, struggles with her own secret—whether or not to reveal her true identity to the thousands of fans of her popular blog and her potential first sexual partner.

Clever, sexy, and hilarious, Vow of Celibacy delves into the perilous terrain of love and relationships, the uncertainty of early adulthood, and the sustaining force of friendship. This is an irresistible novel about the stories we can’t help but tell ourselves about others, and it captures in perfect pitch what it’s like to be a young woman coming of age in America today.

Genres: Fiction, LGBT, Queer, Romance, Contemporary, Adult, Bisexual

304 pages, Paperback

First published August 9, 2016

About the author

Erin Judge is a writer, comedian, host, producer, and athleisure wear enthusiast based in Los Angeles. Her debut novel Vow of Celibacy won Best Fiction at the Bi Book Awards. Erin co-hosts Romantic Comedy , a popular monthly comedy show at the world-famous Ripped Bodice romance bookstore.

As a playwright, Erin wrote on FEED (2018 Edinburgh Fringe Festival, touring the UK in 2020) and co-wrote the Meaning of Wife (New York Fringe Festival, 4 stars from Time Out New York). She’s written for Vanity Fair, the Advocate, and several prominent online recipe comments sections.

Erin has performed stand-up on NBC (Last Comic Standing), on Comedy Central, and at lots of festivals, including Sketchfest, Women in Comedy, Bridgetown, Boston, and Laugh Your Asheville Off. She’s told jokes on boats, at clubs and colleges, and in Europe, and she’s done shows in more than 60 North American cities with the CAKE Comedy Tour. Her comedy album So Many Choices is out on Blonde Medicine.

Tragically, Erin was born without an indoor voice. To compensate, she has been forced to develop strong opinions about almost everything. Erin's talking head and weird ideas have been featured by BuzzFeed and on zillions of podcasts like The JV Club, LGBTQ&A, Hang Out with Me, Keith and the Girl, Baby Geniuses, and the Dork Forest. She loves talking to interesting people, and she's moderated panels at the LA Times Festival of Books, indie bookstores, Pride events, comedy festivals.... pretty much anywhere that lets her.

Erin talks and writes about queerness, open relationships, bisexuality, sexuality in general, body image, culture, family, and her life. She loves words, ideas, mysticism, humans, justice, love, friendship, art, science, and comedy. She’s currently working on a horror screenplay, a couple of TV pilots about chosen families, and a novel about a bunch of dudes getting their emotional acts together.

Reviews

[Bri (readingknitter) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very late, autumnal review of a book that I LOVED this summer. I was going through a bit of a rut with my summer reading -- I felt overwhelmed by reading academic articles for work, nonfiction that detailed not always pleasant things, and fiction novels that usually featured not the sunniest of characters. Vow of Celibacy snatched me out of that funk. 

The novel opens with our main character Natalie at a little bit of a crossroads in her life, she's not completely satisfied with what she's doing, where her path is going, or the types of people she's seeing, but she's also not completely unhappy either. So she decides to take a ~Vow of Celibacy~ to eliminate one of her unsatisfying aspects of her life as she works through all of her previous relationships to try to determine if a link exists between them that perpetuates her dissatisfaction. The reader gets thrown into her previous romantic and sexual experiences with men and women, whilst bouncing back to current day Natalie, and then back again to previous experiences throughout the whole novel.

Present day Natalie is feeling a little less enchanted with her job as a fashion event planner. Through the encouragement of a new friend, she dips her toe into a new career pathway (being a plus-size model; the internal dialogue as she negotiates this career move with the negative feedback she's gotten from her mother about her size is A+) and the new, exciting friends that come along with it. She's also helping her college best friend, Anastaze, navigate her own relationship trysts and ideals after Anastaze decides she wants to enter sexual relationships for the first time which creates a fun contrast between the narrator.

Speaking of fun, this book is filled with it! I laughed so much while because it was exactly my sense of humor. The fact that the author is also a comedian definitely helped amp up the humor that is usually only mildly amusing in other novels. I don't think I've laughed this much or had so much fun while reading a novel since  Big Little Lies .

This book is so great in so many ways... down to how the pages of the book were literally the softest of any book pages I have ever felt. When I started reading, I made multiple friends touch the pages to confirm I was not somehow changing their texture in my mind simply because I loved the book so much. Another thing I loved about this book is how Judge introduces a lot of high culture items and gives definitions of what they are (through the narrator's new perspective to also learning about them) in a way that's not condescending to the reader and informative in a casual way. I would recommend reading Vow of Celibacy on this merit alone to people on the cusp of hanging with wealthy people, but not coming from a wealthy background themselves just for these bits of accessible high culture (food, wine, etc.).

I also found the later chapters perfectly captures the young adult who moves to New York living experience: being  inundated with bugs and ceilings collapsing, whilst garnering absolutely no remorse from your landlord. I felt worn out for Natalie because I could feel how much New York repeatedly chewed her up and spat her out despite how much she tried to make it work during her immediate post-college years. This book depicts everything so perfectly, including icky situations like New York living and failing, and I cannot recommend it enough. 

When people ask me what was the most fun read of my summer, this is the book that I recommend. As soon as I finished reading Vow of Celibacy, I looked up the author, Erin Judge, because I wanted to gobble up everything she had written. Unfortunately, this is the only book she's written so far, but I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.

For more reviews, check out girlwithabookblog.com!

[CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are a lot of things I loved about this book. The representation of bisexuality felt very spot-on and authentic, as did the fat and sex positive rep. I found Natalie to be an interesting, if not fascinating, character; I never felt like I totally got her, but she also kind of felt like a friend from real life? The crux of this plot is Natalie is in her early 30s and decides that since she's been chasing something through sexual relationships since she was a teen she needs to take a "vow of celibacy". The narrative alternates between the past, chronicling all her relationships, and the present, where she's getting back into fashion design, trying out plus size modeling, and helping her friend--who's a super famous anonymous blogger--reveal her true identity. The narrative overall felt disjointed, though, and a bit aimless. There was also no payoff when the timelines met up. I was expecting a more classic chick lit kind of plot, which this definitely does not follow. I wanted something more from Natalie's journey, I think I just wanted it to conform to a narrative structure that it set me up to think it fell into? Tbh, this feels a bit like a novel drawn from someone's real life that hasn't been sufficiently made into fiction. But anyway, I definitely am not sorry I read this and would recommend it as one of the only books about a bi character that really rang true for me.

[Emily Dunbar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Part of my fat reads project, this book was one of the few when I originally was doing my research that people actually had good things to say about! And I definitely second those good things!!

Not only is Natalie super-relatable as a fat person, but she was also super interesting and well-rounded. I very much felt like she was a real person with real flaws who made real choices that sometimes had real consequences! Also cannot stress how sick it is to have a fat woman (as the main character no less!!!) be portrayed as a sexual being of her own accord — no fetishization or Guilty Pleasure™ing!! no choice but to stan

Four stars simply because the ending felt very rushed. Personally woulda preferred to read the 50-100 extra pages needed to wrap up appropriately, since the characters and writing were so fun!!

fat girls 4eva xoxo

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, sweet, heartfelt, beautifully written story of a fashion producer who decides to swear off sex. Told alongside her own sexual history and her relationship with her best friend, a famous but anonymous blogger. The kind of book you keep sneaking 3 pages of because it is so satisfying to do so. I loved it. Would read it again tomorrow. Makes you feel great just knowing its out there. The very definition of a great time.

[Melanie Page · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vow of Celibacy is one of those books that turned me off immediately in two ways: 1) The title. Why must the fat woman be celibate?! 2) The first three sentences, which read, “Anastaze called me at 6:57 a.m. this morning. I left my ringer on for this very reason. Anastaze (pronounced “anna-STAYS”). . .” I hate the redundancy — so lazy, so early in the book — and a first-person narrator giving pronunciation notes. Is the name so hard, or should a different name have been chosen? And for whom is she pronouncing it?

At its most basic, the novel is about Natalie, who visits her past, asking why she’s had lots of good sex but never a dating relationship. In her current life, Natalie works as a production manager (like me!) for a small company, organizing fashion shows in places like the mall. Her best friend, Anastaze, is a famous anonymous blogger who has never had sex and struggles with falling in love with people she barely knows. I wasn’t even thrilled with the summary of Vow of Celibacy because it sounds like two stereotypes walking around. In fact, they sounded a lot like the main characters in A Girl’s Guide to Vampires. I read it because I’m trying to give all fat lady books a chance.

HOWEVER.

Erin Judge completely won me over with realistic characters, funny writing, sex positivity, and starting a conversation about diet culture. Judge avoids every stereotype you find in a summary. I enjoyed Vow of Celibacy immensely, and am sad it’s over. It’s one of the best books starring a fat woman that I’ve read for my quest to read positive books with a fat female protagonist who doesn’t diet or date her way to happiness.

Early in the novel, Judge establishes that protagonist and narrator Natalie has visited a therapist and worked to “become more comfortable with food and [her] natural size. [She’s] not all the way there. . . .[but] Diet ideations are few and far between these days.” Part of seeking help teaches Natalie that having sex gives her “a reprieve from [her] otherwise-constant body hatred.” Hooray! Judge gives us a character who is in dieting rehab, basically, who explains what dieting has done to her. In the present, Natalie does not diet and tells people who start diet talking that she’s not comfortable having that conversation with them. Empowerment!

As a warning, there are parts when Natalie’s mother is a serious bummer, shaming Natalie and showing readers where our narrator learned to hate herself. Her mother says things like “. . .it just seems a shame that instead of finally getting in shape, you’ve just resigned yourself to being obese, which is very unhealthy. . .” I didn’t want to quote this passage and give it life on my blog, but I think it’s important to note that her mother uses the health and weight argument. You can do your own research, but let me reiterate that a person’s weight gives you so little indication of their health — and you are not a doctor. And at what point have you ever visited a doctor, had them just look at you, and determine you are sick? I realize that if you’re fat, you likely have had that experience, and it’s time to move on to a new doctor.

Even though Natalie realizes sex distracts her from negative thoughts, Vow of Celibacy is sex positive! The descriptions take you into the moment without being so graphic you feel squeamish in the wrong way. Natalie reflects on losing her virginity in a moment that recreated her feelings believably: “The part where he put on a condom and entered me felt both momentous and incidental, like an extremely big deal and an insignificant combination of parts and motions all at the same time.” Judge includes many moments in which you’re with Natalie having sex, but removed a polite distance.

Also,Vow of Celibacy is quite funny. It’s not a comedy, but Natalie’s personality leans toward snarky in a way that doesn’t make you wish she’d grow up. Joining a guy a few years older than she and friend Anastaze, Natalie reveals she knows nothing about wine:

“How do you guys know so much about wine?”

Ben looked at Staze. “From growing up, I guess. My mom had a big thing for Côtes du Rhône.”

“My father loves Côtes du Rhône too,” Staze agreed. “Also Montepulciano.”

“My father thinks Pert Plus is the greatest invention in world history,” I added, still laughing.

Natalie isn’t the only strong, funny woman. A plus-size model who befriends Natalie gets her a gig on the runway, something Natalie never thought she’d do because she had no interest in modeling! The day of the runway show arrives, and Natalie refuses to get out of the show because she’s so nervous. The model friend enters and says, “Jesus, there’s enough steam in here to power a small engine.” I love the way amazing women populate Vow of Celibacy and never come off as “the cool girl” or phony.

I can’t neglect to mention the depiction of a bisexual woman. Natalie is not ashamed of herself, and the author never pushes her to demure from a sexual experience she wants to have, and is comfortable having. Anastaze is supportive of her friend, easily navigating Natalie’s history of lovers, be they men or women. At one point, a lesbian who has not come out accuses Natalie of being “lucky” because, she implies, Natalie can hide and be “normal” by just dating men. Natalie doesn’t let her get away with this, exchanging some cruel barbs of her own in defense.

After reading The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories in which one character horribly accuses another of having a “bag of bisexual tricks,” I appreciated a fat bisexual woman in my novel. And more impressively, the pieces of her identity that one might call diversity is not what’s memorable about Natalie, making her all the more human and enjoyable to read about. Highly recommended: Vow of Celibacy by Erin Judge.

This review was originally published at Grab the Lapels.

[Lara Lillibridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Totally bummed that this book is over! I loved it so much! Natalie is a plus-sized bisexual woman, struggling to find self-acceptance in this hilarious and poignant novel. I have not related to a character more in...ever. See? I loved it so much I lost my ability to write coherently. It's a book about being bisexual and about self-image and about friendship and finally putting a value on your body, and so much more. It's just a really great book. It's been a long time since I was not just sad but kind of angry that a book ended—not that the ending wasn't satisfying, it totally was—but I could have read another 300 pages happily.

[Samantha Ruddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this story so much. It made me want to read more books and then get mad at them for not being this book. The characters are all smart, well-written, and relatable. The story is one that everyone can resonate with regardless of size, sexuality etc. I would say that sexuality and body image is the focal point of the book, but Erin also perfectly captured the social politics of high school/early adulthood. Added bonus: it's very funny. Hilarious, even. I would recommend it to anybody.

[Lucy Bledsoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Smart and hilarious, such a relief to read a book about a woman who loves her big body and loves sex, too.

[Hannah Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book! A lot of Natalie's experiences mirrored my own growing up and it felt so good to see someone else going through it. Natalie was such a great character and I loved watching her grow. A fantastic and honest novel about bisexuality and loving the person you are!! Couldn't put it down!!

[A.M. Leibowitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

At the start of the book, we learn about Natalie’s vow of celibacy. She then embarks on a journey to share with readers what happened leading up to her vow. This takes us all the way back to her teenage years as she processes through what went wrong in her relationships. Interspersed with her memories, we see her growth in the present day and eventually where she’s headed.

This is not a romance. It’s a genuinely bisexual-themed book with a whole lot of other underlying messages about body and sex positivity. Natalie and Anastaze, her best friend, are at opposite ends of the experience spectrum. Natalie has enjoyed a long history of enthusiastic, mostly satisfying sex, despite her own inner turmoil and her feelings about her worth as a plus-size woman. Anastaze has no experience at all by virtue of never having found someone she wants to share that level of intimacy with. What’s so wonderful about them, both as friends and as women, is that there is no shame for either of them.

Their friendship, more than Natalie’s weight or relationships or sexuality, is the cornerstone of the novel. Every woman deserves a Natalie or an Anastaze in her life, someone who will stand beside her and support her but isn’t afraid to call her out when necessary. I love these two, and it’s their bond which kept me reading.

There’s a lot of great symbolism built into the story. It’s easy to read it as a series of events or as a treatise on fat acceptance, but that would be selling it short. A significant amount of time is devoted to Anastaze’s work as an anonymous blogger and her own “coming out” by revealing her identity. Meanwhile, Natalie is participating in a plus-size fashion show which leads her career in a new direction. She has to overcome significant emotional barriers in order to put herself out there for the world to see. Anyone who has ever felt the need to hide in the shadows will be able to relate to both women’s insecurities and their process toward self-advocacy.

Natalie’s bisexuality is a significant part of the story, but it isn’t what drives the plot. She has no trouble understanding and accepting that part of herself. It’s her own fears and insecurities about being good enough for anyone to love which she has to overcome, not her sexuality.

All in all, this is a wonderful read. Even after finishing, it took me time to process what I loved about it and why I think this is an important work of contemporary bisexual literature. I’m looking forward to reading more from Erin Judge in the future.

For a fabulous bisexual protagonist, a well-written friendship, and a story which kept me hooked, this gets 5 stars.

[Elena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely charming. This is more of a coming-of-age story than a story about the main character's present-day life, with a thoughtful retrospective take on her relationship with her career, her relationship to her body and food, and of course her romantic exploits. The overall feeling is having a cup of delicious cocoa and reminiscing about the past with a new friend that you can tell will become an old friend. Highly recommended, especially for bi women, plus-sized women, and anyone else who says "woohoo" when someone at a concert shouts "Class of 1999". (Note: there is a good bit of diet talk and body hate in the retrospective part of the book, and lots of appetizing descriptions of food throughout.)

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books I've read in a while - within its pages, you will find a very honest (and oftentimes funny) portrayal of navigating budding (bi)sexuality, friendships, careers, rejection, dating, self-image, and family as a plus-sized woman. Natalie is an amazing protagonist, a breath of fresh air, as her voice and self-awareness bring a refreshing light in a world where so many books feature conventionally gorgeous yet dead-behind-the-eyes woman protagonists.

Kudos to Erin Judge for giving a voice in Chick Lit to a tragically underrepresented population - all of the plus-sized, bisexual powerhouses out in the world!

[Maureen Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've had this book on my shelf nearly a year and boy do I wish I hadn't waited so long--it's fantastic. Funny, heartbreaking, and full of masses of insight. It can be quite difficult to know and accept yourself in life, and Judge expertly captures the exquisite pain and beauty of those circumstances. Her work throbs with a palpable yearning while also never losing its biting wit. So delightful--it made me want to work on loving myself more because I loved the characters and their journeys so much.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading Vow of Celibacy. It sucked me in from the very beginning. The main character is smart, capable, and witty. The friendship between Natalie and Anastaze is sweet and adds some great banter to the story. Vow of Celibacy looks at dating, friendship, career stuff, sexuality, body image, and figuring out what you want in life and the author ties it all together MASTERFULLY. It is a wonderful read.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Witty, well-written, poignant, sexy, relatable, heartfelt, hilarious, engrossing.

It's been a while since I've binged a book, and I'm sad this one is over. Even though the ending was perfect, I easily could have read double the page count! The characters are relatable and complex, plot is fast-paced and compelling, subject matter is topical and deserving.

"Equal parts heart and wit." A rare novel.

Major book hangover to come.

[guadalupe · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first, I thought the writing was a bit fluffy but once I got into the rhythm of the book, I really appreciated the light tone. The story itself deals with the main character's very real Stuff, and I enjoyed reading about an openly bisexual character whose queerness was not a central source of distress.

[Becky Harman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and what turns into a reflection on today's hookup culture and how that really affects how we see ourselves. I saw some of my own life mirrored in some of the anecdotes, and the voice is funny without losing impact. A quick read, but one I didn't want to put down until the end!!

[elstaffe · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars rounds up to 5. Can't wait for more book writing from Erin Judge!

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this and can't wait to talk about it with my book club next week!!!

[Yaiza · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit fluffy for me but quite funny!!

[Lindsay Sproul · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book when it came out, and I just LOVE Natalie. She's so compelling and hilarious, and she's also a really important narrator in terms of bi-rep. (There's FAR too little bi-rep...) I love her rocky, messy and honest shift both from designing clothing to modeling, and in terms of her journey of self discovery. Natalie's arc completely overshadows her friend Anastaze's storyline in my opinion--but that was totally fine with me, because I fell in love with Natalie from page one. While I was much less interested in Anastaze, I did very much enjoy the idea of having an entire identity online separate (but also NOT separate) from the person she is IRL. After reading this book, I felt so much BETTER about my body, and myself as a human being. It's just the book to read right now if you're looking for some hope and positivity. I loved rooting for Natalie, and I LOVE the sex-positive vibe of the book in general. Highly recommend!

[Kim · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5* rounded down this time. I'm not a fan of unreliable narrators, and the author didn't even clue readers in to this featuring such until about 2/3rds of the way through the book, which made me confused about what to take away from all that I'd already read. The main character and a number of the other significant characters were so unlikable for so much of the time, I struggled to a surprising degree to connect with the main character despite our commonalities. I also wasn't expecting to spend so much time in flashbacks, including some even more out of chronological order than others. It was a quick read, and I appreciated in theory the bi fat girl rep, but in execution it didn't really work for me. The ending was too abrupt and didn't leave me feeling like the main character had made enough progress in self-awareness to make for a satisfying reading experience.

[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. Hooray for plus-size bisexual mostly happy main characters! While I understand that her body shame was a huge thing for her, I did get a bit sick of the constant references to her size. After a while I was like, I get it already! I guess that's probably how someone with so much anxiety about their body feels all the time, so maybe it was intentional.

[Scarllet ✦ iamlitandwit · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those stories that just stays with you even after it ends, ESPECIALLY after it ends. Natalie's journey of self reflection was rough to read since she had so many body image issues despite her apparent confidence in herself. I don't know which parts I liked more, the past or the present but I can say that found myself wanting to continue reading both throughout. I really loved this narrative and wanted the best for Natalie and Staze even when they made some choices I didn't particularly like. *cough* Ben *cough*
4/4.5⭐!

[Megan Rice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not the type of book I typically read but I really enjoyed it. It was an easy read but still hit on some difficult and important topics. I definitely have a very different perspective and relationship with sex than Natalie but maybe that’s part of the reason I liked the book?

[Jessica Daniels · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was slightly thrown off by the structure in the beginning, and I thought the ending was premature, but the middle was a very thoughtful, engaging examination of friendships, sexuality and the blurry lines of relationships. I really appreciated how relatively grounded the stakes were. This is a book about a woman figuring herself out, which is an important task that nevertheless rarely gets the treatment and time it deserves.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a delightfully body-positive and bi-affirming book. I normally stay away from coming-of-age books nowadays, as I trudge through my coming-of-middle-age years, but darn if this wasn't a fat tumbler glass full of literary refreshment.

[Lynnette McFadzen · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful body positive book!

[Katie Tower · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a wonderful, funny and touching read. It is insightful and left me feeling hopeful and excited. Definitely read this!!!

[Maggie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun romp that was truly body-positive (even though they didn't use the word fat), and just nice to see a fat girl living a life that's not only about her size!