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Girl at the End of the World #2
Spiritual Sobriety: Stumbling Back to Faith When Good Religion Goes Bad
It’s easy to get high on God in America.
But is this good religion?
In a compelling follow-up to her memoir, Girl at the End of the World, Elizabeth Esther explores how religious fervor can become religious addiction.
The evidence is everywhere. In families who inexplicably choose to harm their children in order to abide by cultic church doctrine. But in ordinary believers too who use God the same way addicts use drugs or alcohol—to numb pain, alter their mood, or simply to escape the realities of this messy, unpredictable thing called life.
If you’ve ever wondered how a religion that preaches freedom and love can produce judgmental and unkind followers; if you’ve ever felt captive to the demanding God of your own childhood; if you’ve struggled to find contentment without needing another emotional hit from a “life-changing” conference or “mountain-top” experience, then Spiritual Sobriety is for you. The author, who grew up in a hyper-controlling church cult, will help you find hope and rebirth in the ruins of disillusioned faith.
Filled with stories and warm, practical advice, Spiritual Sobriety offers a gentle path out of the desperate cycles of craving-euphoria-hangover and into a freer, clean-and-sober faith practice.
But is this good religion?
In a compelling follow-up to her memoir, Girl at the End of the World, Elizabeth Esther explores how religious fervor can become religious addiction.
The evidence is everywhere. In families who inexplicably choose to harm their children in order to abide by cultic church doctrine. But in ordinary believers too who use God the same way addicts use drugs or alcohol—to numb pain, alter their mood, or simply to escape the realities of this messy, unpredictable thing called life.
If you’ve ever wondered how a religion that preaches freedom and love can produce judgmental and unkind followers; if you’ve ever felt captive to the demanding God of your own childhood; if you’ve struggled to find contentment without needing another emotional hit from a “life-changing” conference or “mountain-top” experience, then Spiritual Sobriety is for you. The author, who grew up in a hyper-controlling church cult, will help you find hope and rebirth in the ruins of disillusioned faith.
Filled with stories and warm, practical advice, Spiritual Sobriety offers a gentle path out of the desperate cycles of craving-euphoria-hangover and into a freer, clean-and-sober faith practice.
194 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 15, 2016
11 people are currently reading
360 people want to read
About the author
Elizabeth Esther
3 books74 followersElizabeth Esther is the author of "Girl at The End of the World: my escape from fundamentalism in search of faith with a future." A longtime, award-winning blogger, Elizabeth's other articles have appeared in TIME, Christianity Today, Religion News Service, Mothering Magazine, OC Family and The Orange County Register. Elizabeth is a mother of five and lives in Southern California with her family.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
September 3, 2016
There's a part of me that is reluctant to share anything about this book because the idea of it makes me uncomfortable at the same time it sets me free. Does that even make sense?
Admitting that religion is an addiction seems sacrilegious. Can you get too much of a good thing?
The answer is yes and Elizabeth Esther gently guides us through the process of rediscovering a vibrant faith that has been stifled by religion. Spiritual Sobriety: Stumbling Back to Faith When Good Religion Goes Bad is the book I wish I'd read years ago when my whole belief system was falling apart. My "good" behavior didn't produce the results I wanted from life, and I've been wrestling with God ever since.
This book gives us permission to step back from unhealthy systems and practices and relearn healthy spirituality.
While the author is writing from the perspective of someone who grew up in a religious cult, the principles she writes about are applicable in less restrictive religious environments. She explains it this way:
"The issue is this: an obsession with spiritual beliefs, rituals, and pursuits that initially helps us but eventually removes our power to make healthy decision and brings significant harm to us and to those close to us." (9)
Elizabeth walks us through a sort of undoing, focusing on reality, moderation and letting go of the need to control others' behaviors. She also addresses relapse, which is crucial to accept as part of the recovery process with any addiction. That might have been my favorite chapter because it allows for imperfection and acknowledges that transformation is a slow, steady process, not an instant change.
It took me months to read this book but not because the writing was hard to understand. Truthfully, the author got to the heart of so many things I'm dealing with that at times it was overwhelming and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. It's a book to take slowly and with great care. I'd advise working through it in partnership with someone else who understands addictive behavior or who is in recovery.
This book isn't for everyone and it might even make you mad. But if striving for holiness and working harder at religious practices is only making you feel more defeated, this is a recommended read.
"I'm going to suggest that we do something really radical, uncomfortable, and borderline blasphemous: we stop trying to be good." (151)
How you react to that sentence is a good indicator of whether or not you should read this book.
Admitting that religion is an addiction seems sacrilegious. Can you get too much of a good thing?
The answer is yes and Elizabeth Esther gently guides us through the process of rediscovering a vibrant faith that has been stifled by religion. Spiritual Sobriety: Stumbling Back to Faith When Good Religion Goes Bad is the book I wish I'd read years ago when my whole belief system was falling apart. My "good" behavior didn't produce the results I wanted from life, and I've been wrestling with God ever since.
This book gives us permission to step back from unhealthy systems and practices and relearn healthy spirituality.
While the author is writing from the perspective of someone who grew up in a religious cult, the principles she writes about are applicable in less restrictive religious environments. She explains it this way:
"The issue is this: an obsession with spiritual beliefs, rituals, and pursuits that initially helps us but eventually removes our power to make healthy decision and brings significant harm to us and to those close to us." (9)
Elizabeth walks us through a sort of undoing, focusing on reality, moderation and letting go of the need to control others' behaviors. She also addresses relapse, which is crucial to accept as part of the recovery process with any addiction. That might have been my favorite chapter because it allows for imperfection and acknowledges that transformation is a slow, steady process, not an instant change.
It took me months to read this book but not because the writing was hard to understand. Truthfully, the author got to the heart of so many things I'm dealing with that at times it was overwhelming and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. It's a book to take slowly and with great care. I'd advise working through it in partnership with someone else who understands addictive behavior or who is in recovery.
This book isn't for everyone and it might even make you mad. But if striving for holiness and working harder at religious practices is only making you feel more defeated, this is a recommended read.
"I'm going to suggest that we do something really radical, uncomfortable, and borderline blasphemous: we stop trying to be good." (151)
How you react to that sentence is a good indicator of whether or not you should read this book.
March 18, 2016
“Religious addiction” might seem like a contradiction in terms. How can religion be addicting? Isn’t religion what sets the addicts (to more usual things like alcohol or drugs) free? If you’re addicted to religion, what sets you free from that?
Elizabeth Esther addresses these questions in her book. She tells the story of her own religious addiction created by growing up in a toxic fundamentalist cult and how she is working her way to spiritual sobriety while still holding on to her faith.
While growing up in a fundamentalist cult is extreme, many of the experiences she describes are not. When she asked Jesus into her heart at five years old she felt amazing. So amazing that she describes it as being “high on God.” She chased that feeling by seeking after other religious experiences.
Being religious also gave her a clear-cut, black-and-white way of viewing the world, and a rationale for ignoring her mental illness. There were significant downsides to this way of life. It turns out her black-and-white understanding didn’t match the complexity of reality, she judged other people and lived in fear of them, she was always seeking religious highs and would fall into deep lows when she couldn’t manufacture them, and ignoring mental illness does not make it go away.
Full review here: http://www.thebeautifulplaceblog.com/...
Elizabeth Esther addresses these questions in her book. She tells the story of her own religious addiction created by growing up in a toxic fundamentalist cult and how she is working her way to spiritual sobriety while still holding on to her faith.
While growing up in a fundamentalist cult is extreme, many of the experiences she describes are not. When she asked Jesus into her heart at five years old she felt amazing. So amazing that she describes it as being “high on God.” She chased that feeling by seeking after other religious experiences.
Being religious also gave her a clear-cut, black-and-white way of viewing the world, and a rationale for ignoring her mental illness. There were significant downsides to this way of life. It turns out her black-and-white understanding didn’t match the complexity of reality, she judged other people and lived in fear of them, she was always seeking religious highs and would fall into deep lows when she couldn’t manufacture them, and ignoring mental illness does not make it go away.
Full review here: http://www.thebeautifulplaceblog.com/...
May 25, 2016
I cracked this one open because I enjoyed the memoir so much, and it's relevant to my current studies. I was a little surprised to find how much I resonated with the author, despite the fact that, as far as I'm aware, I did not grow up in a cult! It's the addictive personality and abuse of religion, (rather than by religion) that got me. I wish there was a way I could recommend all my dear Christian friends read this book without me sounding like I've cooled on God. I love him more than ever, now that I've started dealing with the fact that in the past I was rather imbalanced church-wise.
January 2, 2018
Spiritual Sobriety illuminates the dangers of religious addiction. The book defines religious addiction as "the state of being dependent on a spiritually mood-altering system". It says that the aim of religious addicts is "not to worship God but to alter their perception of reality. (Such addicts) ...are religious junkies, obsessed with mood alteration and a quick fix to face life."
The book listed few characteristics of religious addicts as:
Attending church to feel significant and secure.
Using prayer as a medium to feel good.
Taking pride in the number of hours spent in prayer.
Transactional use of God, which is paying God with zeal and commitment while expecting good feelings, financial rewards and other blessings in return.
The book also highlights the issue of emotional manipulation by churches, as well as religious doctrines that borders on paganism. The author, who went through similar experiences, summarises the kind of teachings she was taught, saying: "instead of 'If you sacrifice a goat, it will rain,' we had 'If you tithe, you’ll have financial success' or 'If you avoid public school, your children won’t be tainted.'"
Spiritual Sobriety asks us to abandon our selfish, addictive ways and replace them with healthier expressions of spirituality. It also pleads with us to nurture ourselves and be of service to our fellow humans. Even when we have our most pressing life questions unanswered, the book advises us not to obsess over silence, but be comfortable with life's unresolved riddles.
Spiritual Sobriety doesn't just exhort us to abandon our addictive ways, it also reveals what we can do to replace them. It tells us to:
"...refrain from using religion as a punishment against others or ourselves; seek to be rigorously honest rather than unfailingly good; and retain the best of (our) spiritual devotion in positive, life-enhancing ways".
Spiritual Sobriety is a book I wished I read many years ago. It is full of personal experiences and insights into the nature of modern Christianity's brand of perversion. The book doesn't pose to have all the answers, but gives simple guidelines by which you can start your own journey to recovery.
On the negative side, few people might be put off by few New-Age-y concepts the book bandies around. Spiritual Sobriety isn't perfect, but just like a sudden flash of lightning across the sky, it shines a bright light on a problem that many prefer no one talks about.
Many thanks to Covergent Books for review copy.
The book listed few characteristics of religious addicts as:
Attending church to feel significant and secure.
Using prayer as a medium to feel good.
Taking pride in the number of hours spent in prayer.
Transactional use of God, which is paying God with zeal and commitment while expecting good feelings, financial rewards and other blessings in return.
The book also highlights the issue of emotional manipulation by churches, as well as religious doctrines that borders on paganism. The author, who went through similar experiences, summarises the kind of teachings she was taught, saying: "instead of 'If you sacrifice a goat, it will rain,' we had 'If you tithe, you’ll have financial success' or 'If you avoid public school, your children won’t be tainted.'"
Spiritual Sobriety asks us to abandon our selfish, addictive ways and replace them with healthier expressions of spirituality. It also pleads with us to nurture ourselves and be of service to our fellow humans. Even when we have our most pressing life questions unanswered, the book advises us not to obsess over silence, but be comfortable with life's unresolved riddles.
Spiritual Sobriety doesn't just exhort us to abandon our addictive ways, it also reveals what we can do to replace them. It tells us to:
"...refrain from using religion as a punishment against others or ourselves; seek to be rigorously honest rather than unfailingly good; and retain the best of (our) spiritual devotion in positive, life-enhancing ways".
Spiritual Sobriety is a book I wished I read many years ago. It is full of personal experiences and insights into the nature of modern Christianity's brand of perversion. The book doesn't pose to have all the answers, but gives simple guidelines by which you can start your own journey to recovery.
On the negative side, few people might be put off by few New-Age-y concepts the book bandies around. Spiritual Sobriety isn't perfect, but just like a sudden flash of lightning across the sky, it shines a bright light on a problem that many prefer no one talks about.
Many thanks to Covergent Books for review copy.
June 4, 2016
Spiritual Sobriety could be considered a niche book - after all, how many of us are Religious Addicts? The beauty of Elizabeth Esther's words is that they are universal. Perhaps I don't identify with an addiction to the religious experience, but I do recognize my tendencies to compare myself to the success of others; to put product over personal connection; and to see how fine a line it is between healthy behaviors and unhealthy habits. A mix of memoir, advice, practical guidance, and thought-provoking observations, Elizabeth Esther delivers a book that will push readers to confront and recognize behaviors and yet gently guide them to a place of wholeness.
April 27, 2016
THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING. For anyone who's recovering from an unhealthy church, so many things in this book resonated with my own experiences and growth in the past three years. Some of my friends whose wounds are more raw might not be ready to read it yet if they need more space from theist centered thought, but I'd recommend this book for when they're ready.
April 9, 2018
The best part of this book was it was written by someone going through and laying claim to all her negative thoughts and life patterns and giving her own advice she had taken after seeking help. I've read many books that are from the perspective of the psychologist or therapist, but none so far that have included this many "I's". "I' relapsed, "I' thought this way, and "I' made the decision to live this way and this is why.
It was very humble and sobering to read. It doesn't matter if you have been through all or none of what she is discussing because it's still encouraging and might even provide you with proactive support to know how not to take heart and interpret things.
I shared many of the same thoughts and it was a relief to know I was not alone. I grew up wanting to be saved daily because of the outpouring of praise and congratulations you received and euphoric feeling it gave. I also was taught to not ask questions and how dare you care about your own well being. I thought my salvation story didn't matter because it was not dramatic since I grew up in church and it was more so expected, so my testimony must be useless. I looked up to a pastor as my leader and almost forgot about God in the process, idolizing him as a role model, then when he committed adultery I stopped going to church for a decade.
This book clears a cloud of confusion and comforts in a way I didn't know I needed. It brings some sanity and hope back into my religious journey. It contains interactive prayers, questions, and verses that touch on each subject she brings up and they act as a good refresher if you are feeling weak and need some extra encouragement. I will definitely be keeping this book on hand to reference back to.
It was very humble and sobering to read. It doesn't matter if you have been through all or none of what she is discussing because it's still encouraging and might even provide you with proactive support to know how not to take heart and interpret things.
I shared many of the same thoughts and it was a relief to know I was not alone. I grew up wanting to be saved daily because of the outpouring of praise and congratulations you received and euphoric feeling it gave. I also was taught to not ask questions and how dare you care about your own well being. I thought my salvation story didn't matter because it was not dramatic since I grew up in church and it was more so expected, so my testimony must be useless. I looked up to a pastor as my leader and almost forgot about God in the process, idolizing him as a role model, then when he committed adultery I stopped going to church for a decade.
This book clears a cloud of confusion and comforts in a way I didn't know I needed. It brings some sanity and hope back into my religious journey. It contains interactive prayers, questions, and verses that touch on each subject she brings up and they act as a good refresher if you are feeling weak and need some extra encouragement. I will definitely be keeping this book on hand to reference back to.
November 13, 2023
Spiritual Sobriety by Elizabeth Esther is a book that explores the concept of addiction to religion and how to recover from it. The author shares her own personal story of growing up in a fundamentalist cult and the emotional and spiritual damage that it caused her. She also offers practical advice and guidance for anyone who struggles with religious trauma, codependency, or perfectionism. The book is written in a clear and compassionate way, with honesty and vulnerability. The author does not shy away from the hard questions or the painful aspects of her journey, but she also shows hope and healing for those who seek it. The book is not only for people who have experienced extreme forms of religious abuse but also for anyone who feels dissatisfied or disillusioned with their faith. The book challenges the reader to examine their own beliefs and motivations and to find a healthy and authentic relationship with God and themselves. The book is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to break free from toxic religion and find spiritual sobriety.
December 16, 2017
This book is focused on recovery from unhealthy cult-like fundamentalist churches but there are good questions for everyone in a church within it, too. Pastor-centric? Focus on emotion over God? My own church history enters in and there are places of connection with this book and places where I just skimmed because it either didn’t apply to me or some church differences kicked in.
Having read Girl at the End of the World first helped me in understanding where the author is coming from and hold the book in a place from there, with a target audience, rather than expecting it to be a book for the masses.
Having read Girl at the End of the World first helped me in understanding where the author is coming from and hold the book in a place from there, with a target audience, rather than expecting it to be a book for the masses.
November 24, 2020
It was an interesting premise that some people use religion like a drug leading to addiction. It's logical that the 'God-high' would become a 'healthy' or socially approved way to feel a level of euphoria. However, the danger of searching for the next God-high is that it turns spirituality from fellowship with the creator into a to-do list to ensure your emotional wants or needs are met. There's no growth or faith in this, just seeking the next hit.
Although the topic drew me in, the book itself was not my cup of tea. It felt repetitive and I lost interest in exploring the topic about mid-way through.
Although the topic drew me in, the book itself was not my cup of tea. It felt repetitive and I lost interest in exploring the topic about mid-way through.
December 15, 2017
A lot of what she describes as religious addiction is not what I've experienced (though it's still interesting to read about). However, I found her thoughts on perfectionism where religion is concerned to be very useful.
November 8, 2019
This book helped me so much as I came to understand the emotional manipulation that churches had inflicted on me and my husband. That healing is still in progress years later, but it was the catalyst. So incredibly thankful for this book.
February 14, 2018
A helpful and encouraging book. EE knows her stuff. First time I've read something that narrated the programmed objections in my head as I was reading!
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October 8, 2018DNF. Nothing wrong with it, just didn’t resonate much with me at this time in my life.
January 30, 2020
What a beautiful, thoughtful book. Much for me to ponder.
June 26, 2022
I was unsure of the format because I felt like the first book left so much of her story unresolved, but this book grew on me and I think I'm in a better place for reading it.
October 26, 2022
Beautifully written, both raw and practical
August 12, 2023
Very good points, but somewhat repetitive.
March 12, 2017
Incredibly helpful as I am navigating my relationship with the church. This book explains that our relationship to God is not necessarily related to our spiritually "High" experiences, as we have been led to believe. As a "recovering Baptist", I am grateful for this book!
March 5, 2016
This book is more than a "how to", more than a memoir. Elizabeth Esther has been through a lot when it comes to faith - more than any daughter of God would be expected to. The break out of the cult she was raised in has been a process. Her gift is this book to all who have experienced organized religion rather than experiencing the nature of a loving God.
The BEST part of this book is the end of each chapter. Elizabeth includes prayers, Bible verses, and journaling questions so you can process your own journey to a relationship with God. I'm grateful my own religious experience was never like the one Elizabeth grew up in, but I know many, many friends who have been damaged by church. Spiritual Sobriety is the next best thing to having Elizabeth sit by your side as you discover what it means to be a child of Christ. I've never read anything like it.
The BEST part of this book is the end of each chapter. Elizabeth includes prayers, Bible verses, and journaling questions so you can process your own journey to a relationship with God. I'm grateful my own religious experience was never like the one Elizabeth grew up in, but I know many, many friends who have been damaged by church. Spiritual Sobriety is the next best thing to having Elizabeth sit by your side as you discover what it means to be a child of Christ. I've never read anything like it.
August 11, 2016
With seemingly everything being labeled and addiction these days, I was leery, yet intrigued, about what Elizabeth Esther calls "religious addicts".
Her definition worked for me as does her relatable experience with religion. She isn't out to malign a denomination, group, individual or faith. She takes care to include questions for reflection and working through at the end of each chapter.
I would recommend this for those who've had both positive and negative experience with religion. There is something for all of us to learn.
Her definition worked for me as does her relatable experience with religion. She isn't out to malign a denomination, group, individual or faith. She takes care to include questions for reflection and working through at the end of each chapter.
I would recommend this for those who've had both positive and negative experience with religion. There is something for all of us to learn.
April 22, 2016
This book would have met me where I was 16 years ago. Never a religious addict, but someone who had spent six years surrounded by them, it would have reassured me then that I was not wrong, not irreverent, not a bad Christian. But I have long since found my own path away from that and learned that lesson on my own. So it was an interesting read, but not a necessary one for me.
March 29, 2017
I had loved her first book, Girl at the End of the World, and finally got around to reading this one. I thought it did a nice job of examining religious addiction, but it was a little bit more how-to than I was hoping. Elizabeth Esther has such a powerful personal story and I felt like there was less memoir in this book and I really wanted her personal stories to be longer and have more detail. The book itself is quite short and I wish the editors hadn't been so tight on what stayed in and what went. Her voice is so lovely and I felt like that was the missing piece in this book. But I went in hoping for more of her journey and this is meant to be more self-help/personal reader reflection than memoir.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews