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Poor Your Soul: A Memoir
Poor Your Soul—moving, wise, and passionately written—is a beautiful reflection on sexuality, free will, and the fierce bonds of family.At twenty-eight, Mira Ptacin discovered she was pregnant. Though it was unplanned, she embraced the idea of starting a family and became engaged to Andrew, the father. Five months later, an ultrasound revealed that her child would be born with a constellation of birth defects and no chance of survival outside the womb. Mira was given three terminate the pregnancy, induce early delivery, or wait and inevitably miscarry.Mira’s story is paired with that of her mother, who emigrated from Poland to the United States, and who also experienced grievous loss when her only son was killed by a drunk driver. These deftly interwoven stories offer a picture of mother and daughter finding strength in themselves and each other in the face of tragedy.From the Hardcover edition.
262 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 12, 2016
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2357 people want to read
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Mira Ptacin
6 books137 followersPEOPLE. I just had a baby so I am barely on this site but i DO read. i just rarely update my goodreads list . . .
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 94 reviews
April 12, 2016
“Can’t things be tremendous and lonesome at the same time? Simultaneously heartbreaking and glorious? Wasn’t that New York?”
Ptacin’s very good memoir is based around two losses: that of her brother, in a collision with a drunk driver; and that of a pregnancy in 2008. With the latter she explores all kinds of contradictory emotions: it was a surprise pregnancy after she’d only been with Andrew, whom she met when her mother and sister forced her into online dating, for a few months. They got engaged and planned a last-minute wedding, but before they could even go through with it the pregnancy was in crisis and they were forced to make a pretty impossible decision.
The memoir skips back and forth in time to examine the numb aftermath of trauma as well as the fresh pain of actually going through it. In places I felt that Ptacin sacrificed the literary quality hindsight might have allowed, prioritizing instead the somewhat clichéd thoughts and responses she had in the moment. I also thought ending the book with completing a marathon was a little cheesy; Ptacin now has two children, I think, so she might have just finished with a quiet scene from motherhood.
Still, I loved so much about this book, especially her memories of growing up in the cereal capital of America in Michigan and the account of her mother coming to America from Poland and setting up a fine-dining restaurant. Her mother is a terrific character, and it’s her half-commiserative, half-warning phrase that gives the novel its title (not a typo, as you might be forgiven for thinking): a kind of Slavic “I pity the fool.”
Ptacin’s very good memoir is based around two losses: that of her brother, in a collision with a drunk driver; and that of a pregnancy in 2008. With the latter she explores all kinds of contradictory emotions: it was a surprise pregnancy after she’d only been with Andrew, whom she met when her mother and sister forced her into online dating, for a few months. They got engaged and planned a last-minute wedding, but before they could even go through with it the pregnancy was in crisis and they were forced to make a pretty impossible decision.
The memoir skips back and forth in time to examine the numb aftermath of trauma as well as the fresh pain of actually going through it. In places I felt that Ptacin sacrificed the literary quality hindsight might have allowed, prioritizing instead the somewhat clichéd thoughts and responses she had in the moment. I also thought ending the book with completing a marathon was a little cheesy; Ptacin now has two children, I think, so she might have just finished with a quiet scene from motherhood.
Still, I loved so much about this book, especially her memories of growing up in the cereal capital of America in Michigan and the account of her mother coming to America from Poland and setting up a fine-dining restaurant. Her mother is a terrific character, and it’s her half-commiserative, half-warning phrase that gives the novel its title (not a typo, as you might be forgiven for thinking): a kind of Slavic “I pity the fool.”
January 16, 2016
Don't judge a book by its cover. How many times have we been told that? In fact, when I first saw the title and topic, there's nothing that made me want to read this book. However, I did see the book mentioned in "Poets & Writers," and something convinced me that if it could end up being mentioned there, there must be merit to the writing.
In fact, while the title and focal point of Ptacin's memoir (the loss of her child) are key to the arc of the storyline, they don't define it nor limit it. This is a book worth reading, although if you had tried to convince me at the outset, I am not sure I would have believed you. I couldn't relate to either, but that only points up to me as a reader that I shouldn't limit my vision of what may be ultimately rewarding.
While I can't relate to the author's circumstances (losing a child) and my mother was nothing like that of the author's, there is much humanity in this story. Ultimately, for me, it was about the meaning of family (those who love you) and loss (how we survive the tragedies of our life, be they the loss of a brother or child). The book is also about how we find our way back from our own mistakes and the challenges of life that seem offered up as mistakes. Why did this happen to me?
It's an honest, beautifully written book, well deserving of being in a literary magazine and well deserving of being read. Its beauty lies in Ptacin's brutal honesty and in overcoming the brutality of life to live on another day.
In fact, while the title and focal point of Ptacin's memoir (the loss of her child) are key to the arc of the storyline, they don't define it nor limit it. This is a book worth reading, although if you had tried to convince me at the outset, I am not sure I would have believed you. I couldn't relate to either, but that only points up to me as a reader that I shouldn't limit my vision of what may be ultimately rewarding.
While I can't relate to the author's circumstances (losing a child) and my mother was nothing like that of the author's, there is much humanity in this story. Ultimately, for me, it was about the meaning of family (those who love you) and loss (how we survive the tragedies of our life, be they the loss of a brother or child). The book is also about how we find our way back from our own mistakes and the challenges of life that seem offered up as mistakes. Why did this happen to me?
It's an honest, beautifully written book, well deserving of being in a literary magazine and well deserving of being read. Its beauty lies in Ptacin's brutal honesty and in overcoming the brutality of life to live on another day.
March 6, 2016
Poor Your Soul is a book about loss—primarily about a pregnancy deemed unviable but also about the loss of Ptacin's brother when they were teenagers. One of the strongest themes I found in the book, though, was guilt: guilt at getting pregnant by accident; guilt at having an easier upbringing than her parents; guilt at being a difficult teenager; guilt at not being home the night her brother died; guilt at initially not wanting to be pregnant; guilt at her pregnancy being unviable; guilt at choosing to terminate the pregnancy rather than wait for a spontaneous (for lack of a better word) miscarriage. Guilt at not being a better daughter and not being a better wife and grieving longer than she thinks she ought. Over and over again we see Ptacin (or, Ptacin-as-narrator) looking for reassurance that it is all right, that it is not her fault: she never missed a pill and was the one percent for whom birth control pills failed; she cannot commit to an abortion until her parents have given it their blessing.
It's a sad book, and a frustrating one. Maybe I didn't connect as well to it as I'd hoped because I had high expectations, or maybe I was just taken aback by the narrative voice in places (what must her MFA experience have been like, for her to assume that if she told the other students at her writing retreat about the pregnancy complications, they would treat the matter coldly and clinically and only through the eyes of writers—not through the eyes of sympathetic human beings?).
There's a happy ending of a sort, though I wonder how far out from the rest of the book the epilogue was written, as it feels nothing like the rest of the book (a standalone essay that was written for another purpose and then incorporated?). Ultimately I think the book was more interesting to me in terms of theme and structure than it was as a whole.
It's a sad book, and a frustrating one. Maybe I didn't connect as well to it as I'd hoped because I had high expectations, or maybe I was just taken aback by the narrative voice in places (what must her MFA experience have been like, for her to assume that if she told the other students at her writing retreat about the pregnancy complications, they would treat the matter coldly and clinically and only through the eyes of writers—not through the eyes of sympathetic human beings?).
There's a happy ending of a sort, though I wonder how far out from the rest of the book the epilogue was written, as it feels nothing like the rest of the book (a standalone essay that was written for another purpose and then incorporated?). Ultimately I think the book was more interesting to me in terms of theme and structure than it was as a whole.
January 18, 2016
Brilliant memoir. Expertly crafted. Mira is skilled at writing realistically, breaking down complex moments of life/death into second by second impressions. The way she did this pulled me in to each scene, had me breathing in and out with her and crying with her and giggling over all the mundane hilarity despite the heartbreak in her story. This is the kind of book that makes you stumble outside when it is over, call a loved one, sit by the river, embrace life and be grateful.
January 18, 2016
LOVED LOVED LOVED this book. I bought it because I knew Dr. Ptacin. I bought it because I remember when Julian was killed. I read it because of the excellent writing. I could not put this book down! Mira, you should be so proud of this!! The story hooked me in the beginning and kept me the entire time!
July 21, 2025
Ok, full disclosure: Mira and Andrew are my friends and my neighbors. And for me, that added a layer of power and awe to reading this memoir - because it is so true to how this couple presents in the world, all these years later, and also because it is so brave (gah, what an annoying compliment) to be so vulnerable and crack open these most sacred places where the whole world and even your neighbors can read them!
Even if I didn’t love the author IRL, I would freaking love this memoir.
Even if I didn’t love the author IRL, I would freaking love this memoir.
March 10, 2016
There were moments in Ptacin's memoir that I laughed out loud- her mother's food hoarding is particularly reminiscent of my childhood at my aunt's home. I empathized with her desire to run through pain and grief. I hear her agony echo that of my friends who have suffered miscarriages or gone through abortions. I wanted to burn down Phillips Family Practice right along with her.
Yet even through the revelatory moments, I was distracted by Ptacin's erratic leaps in time, space, and character focus. The narrative felt more like I was sitting down to coffee for a long chat with a friend, rather than reading a carefully edited and structured memoir. That might work for some readers, but didn't vibe well with me.
It was also a minor annoyance when, after a therapist recommends antidepressants for her depression, she tosses aside this recommendation at the urging of a friend and starts "running therapy". This isn't an option for everyone, and just felt a bit dismissive on her part, especially for someone who is clearly in touch with the depth of disconnect and misery that can come from loss.
Yet even through the revelatory moments, I was distracted by Ptacin's erratic leaps in time, space, and character focus. The narrative felt more like I was sitting down to coffee for a long chat with a friend, rather than reading a carefully edited and structured memoir. That might work for some readers, but didn't vibe well with me.
It was also a minor annoyance when, after a therapist recommends antidepressants for her depression, she tosses aside this recommendation at the urging of a friend and starts "running therapy". This isn't an option for everyone, and just felt a bit dismissive on her part, especially for someone who is clearly in touch with the depth of disconnect and misery that can come from loss.
April 12, 2017
Poor Your Soul is a must read for any woman. Mira has a way of weaving the past and present in a beautiful tone that keeps you interested and pulls at your heart strings. I was especially drawn to this memoir because of the story with Mira's mother and her brother Julien as well. The ups and downs of love and loss, of making decisions we all think we'd know what we would do/say until it happens to us. I felt the switch between past and present moved so flawlessly. My daughters will read this book and any woman I know will get one as a gift. What Ptacin has done in this memoir is to share something so intimate, personal and controversial but still leaves us on a high note full of hope.
June 18, 2016
I empathise with her loss, but this book felt like it jumped back and forth and up and sideways, and never dug into the matter at hand.
I was discomfited by the moralising around the role of a wife, around abortion and around mental health and medication.
I couldn't empathise with her, I never felt like I was in her head or heart, and it felt to me like a meditation on guilt and an attachment to her own parents and past traumas.
I was discomfited by the moralising around the role of a wife, around abortion and around mental health and medication.
I couldn't empathise with her, I never felt like I was in her head or heart, and it felt to me like a meditation on guilt and an attachment to her own parents and past traumas.
February 10, 2016
This book is beautiful. And so, so sad. Mira is so open and honest about all that she went through and what she thought and felt. I can't imagine how much courage it took for her to share her story with the world. Make sure to keep a box of tissues nearby.
March 2, 2016
This book broke my heart and melted the pieces. A really raw and honest memoir tying together the loss of a young child, and the loss of one not yet born.
November 12, 2017
Gave me so many feels! Such a beautifully written memoir from a home town girl.
March 29, 2019
3.5 stars.
September 10, 2022
The simple fact that a description of someone running a marathon (yikes) could make me tear up is testament to Mira Ptacin's power as a writer.
April 15, 2025
After reading this, I believe without a doubt that every woman should have the right to decide to terminate a pregnancy. But it’s not just about abortion. The loss of any child has long lasting grief and consequences.
“…people always remember things the way they want to remember them instead of the way it was, because it was never just one way. That memory isn’t what happened;it’s what happened over time.���
“…people always remember things the way they want to remember them instead of the way it was, because it was never just one way. That memory isn’t what happened;it’s what happened over time.���
May 8, 2017
Such a good book! I laughed and cried, and sometimes at the same time! I loved seeing how her relationship with her mom changed as she started her family. Losing a baby isn't a highly talked about topic, you don't hear the details or see the emotions behind closed doors, the real life part. So, I'm glad she shared her story.
March 25, 2023
I wanted to enjoy this memoir. I felt I had some connections to Mira: from being a Michigan native, to having a mother who hoards food and can always make some sort of dish out of what she has on hand, and wondering about the hardships one’s family members of previous generations experienced in Poland.
However, I have never lost a sibling and I have never experienced a pregnancy that was deemed unviable, and I feel these experiences were the main focus of what Mira was trying to honor in writing this piece. Not that I am going to relate to every single author’s life experiences I read, but I want to at least like the person’s voice and persona they portray in their writing.
I didn’t like Mira. She whined and viewed herself as the victim. Yes, these were significant losses and hardships to face and I am not discrediting these devastating experiences, but Mira acted as if these events didn’t also affect her family and community. Rather, she acted as if she was the only person grieving and these events took place as the universe’s way to target only her. Perhaps had she not approached these traumas in such a selfish, narcissistic way, she could have processed them in a healthier, more meaningful way without using her loved ones as emotional punching bags.
What I found incredibly ironic was a part of the book in which she said, “Life ain’t fair, I think to myself. Never has been, and never will be. Those three words became the mantra Mom and Dad poured into our heads… Life wasn’t fair. It was a good thing to be reminded of, and it was even better to be warned, so you could be ready for whatever hit you when you least expected it… back then I didn’t realize that my parents weren’t always referring to me and my problems when they said it,” yet, the entire novel revolves around her mindset in which she believes everything was about her.
However, I have never lost a sibling and I have never experienced a pregnancy that was deemed unviable, and I feel these experiences were the main focus of what Mira was trying to honor in writing this piece. Not that I am going to relate to every single author’s life experiences I read, but I want to at least like the person’s voice and persona they portray in their writing.
I didn’t like Mira. She whined and viewed herself as the victim. Yes, these were significant losses and hardships to face and I am not discrediting these devastating experiences, but Mira acted as if these events didn’t also affect her family and community. Rather, she acted as if she was the only person grieving and these events took place as the universe’s way to target only her. Perhaps had she not approached these traumas in such a selfish, narcissistic way, she could have processed them in a healthier, more meaningful way without using her loved ones as emotional punching bags.
What I found incredibly ironic was a part of the book in which she said, “Life ain’t fair, I think to myself. Never has been, and never will be. Those three words became the mantra Mom and Dad poured into our heads… Life wasn’t fair. It was a good thing to be reminded of, and it was even better to be warned, so you could be ready for whatever hit you when you least expected it… back then I didn’t realize that my parents weren’t always referring to me and my problems when they said it,” yet, the entire novel revolves around her mindset in which she believes everything was about her.
February 25, 2016
What a great read this was. This is the sort of book that makes you want to pull your family a little closer and try to find a way to precisely express how much they mean to you. It's a reminder of how good we all have it for having each other.
The narrative is centered on dark and impossibly complicated subjects, but Ptacin's prose is so clear and striking and honest (deeply, thoughtfully, richly honest) that she never once risks losing you. Always, you're right there, feeling some personal ownership for the thoughts and feelings and questions she's exploring.
In a book filled with favorite lines, this was maybe my favorite: "Nicole used to go through the city of Battle Creek like a walking middle finger." Just like that, I recognized Nicole. And growing from this introduction, comes a moving and complex story that, while meaningful in its own right and even more so in the context of this book, also called forth all the Nicoles I have known -- or thought that I have known -- and made me reflect on the ways I have and have not been a good, helpful person. This is a memoir that will encourage you to take stock and be as truthful with yourself as Ptacin is with herself.
My guarantee: there are at least three parts that will make you laugh out loud and three that will have you tearing up, and a couple that will have you doing both at once. In the end, you'll come away sure that you've learned something about a variety of subjects: birth, life, death, Michigan, vanity plates, the nature of energy, options for coping with rude Italian waiters, cabbage, love. What more do you want in a book?
The narrative is centered on dark and impossibly complicated subjects, but Ptacin's prose is so clear and striking and honest (deeply, thoughtfully, richly honest) that she never once risks losing you. Always, you're right there, feeling some personal ownership for the thoughts and feelings and questions she's exploring.
In a book filled with favorite lines, this was maybe my favorite: "Nicole used to go through the city of Battle Creek like a walking middle finger." Just like that, I recognized Nicole. And growing from this introduction, comes a moving and complex story that, while meaningful in its own right and even more so in the context of this book, also called forth all the Nicoles I have known -- or thought that I have known -- and made me reflect on the ways I have and have not been a good, helpful person. This is a memoir that will encourage you to take stock and be as truthful with yourself as Ptacin is with herself.
My guarantee: there are at least three parts that will make you laugh out loud and three that will have you tearing up, and a couple that will have you doing both at once. In the end, you'll come away sure that you've learned something about a variety of subjects: birth, life, death, Michigan, vanity plates, the nature of energy, options for coping with rude Italian waiters, cabbage, love. What more do you want in a book?
February 24, 2016
I just finished this and feel like a rubber band ball of emotion. To feel so many things at once is such an odd feeling in itself, but I like it. And that would never have been possible if Mira Ptacin weren't so good at weaving so many narratives together. She has this amazing talent of being able to explain the shades of grey between black and white. No part of life is simple, and you never really know what is going to come next, something that comes through really beautifully here. On a smaller sentence level, this is just a straight up really great piece of writing. I was writing quotations in a separate notebook, and there are so many gorgeous ones. Ptacin has a way of punching you in the gut without ever feeling melodramatic. Yes, there are dramatic moments, but she earns the written tears she sheds. I cried along with her and never felt like she was forcing me to feel something. Finally, I was really impressed with how she wove this together almost as a conversation- there are tangents and she switches narratives and the timeline is definitely not chronological, but it worked. It felt natural, like a friend sat you down with a large pot of tea and shared this incredibly brave and honest story with you, and the entire time you're sipping and just feeling so lucky and honored to hear it.
July 4, 2016
My friend, who is the mom of the author, told me about this book her daughter wrote. How could I not read it? It was a compelling well written memoir of a young woman and her mother, filled with love and truth. They overcame struggles and contended with grief as best they could, inspiring us readers along the way in this poignant and hopeful journey of a wise woman and a profound daughter, through seriously rough patches of their lives. My favorite quote is:
"But sorrow is less of a checklist, more like water. It's fluid. It has no set shape, never disappears, never ends. It doesn't go away. It just changes. It changes us."
.
"But sorrow is less of a checklist, more like water. It's fluid. It has no set shape, never disappears, never ends. It doesn't go away. It just changes. It changes us."
.
May 24, 2016
Mira Ptacin is a writer of incredible insight and generosity and the world is made brighter and kinder and better because this book exists. This is not hyperbole, this is the truth. By compassionately, and exquisitely expressing herself and the impossible Story of time, love, loss, and love always and again, as a reader I was left softer and fuller and smarter upon finishing this book. It is gigantic, it is necessary, it is beautiful, it is and does what good writing should do, which is illuminate and reassure the world. I am so thankful it exists, and I’m so excited for you to read it.
March 12, 2016
This memoir is powerful and heartwrenching.
Mira expresses beautifully the way our past is always with us, and how it impacts our presence.
Her capacity to flow between her past and present makes such exploration seem easy- but it isn't.
It's hard to experience with her.
Born in battle Creek Michigan and transplanted to NYC via Maine, Mira also blends her Midwest family and her present city living.
The result is important, touching, and at times difficult to read.
I liked the book, but it isn't for those coping with sick children or the recent loss of a child.
Mira expresses beautifully the way our past is always with us, and how it impacts our presence.
Her capacity to flow between her past and present makes such exploration seem easy- but it isn't.
It's hard to experience with her.
Born in battle Creek Michigan and transplanted to NYC via Maine, Mira also blends her Midwest family and her present city living.
The result is important, touching, and at times difficult to read.
I liked the book, but it isn't for those coping with sick children or the recent loss of a child.
January 13, 2017
This isn't the kind of book I usually read. One about death. Usually the deaths I read about involve being eaten by a dragon, or someone who died a hundred years ago and half a world away. Not real deaths, deaths by drunk driver or babies that simply never developed the things they need to live.
Ptacin's work is dreamlike but propulsive. Her personal story -- and that of her mother, a Polish immigrant -- is compelling. It loses me a bit in the very last chapter, which felt pat. But it's her story, not mine.
Ptacin's work is dreamlike but propulsive. Her personal story -- and that of her mother, a Polish immigrant -- is compelling. It loses me a bit in the very last chapter, which felt pat. But it's her story, not mine.
February 4, 2017
I was all in this book until the epilogue, when the author's friend dismisses her diagnoses of depression and PTSD and tells her to start running. Luckily, running helped her, but it reminded me of all the depressed folks who are told to do yoga, to exercise, that they're not "really" depressed. That left a bad taste in my mouth. It's not that I wouldn't want her to include this, because it's part of her experience. The writing is beautiful; part of me just wishes there'd been some sort of caveat included with the mentions of mental health/medication.
August 8, 2016
Despite the harrowing losses for both the mothers (and families) in POOR YOUR SOUL, I didn't feel fully engaged emotionally. There's an odd narrative distance, largely through telling vs. scenes. In particular, Ptacin's mother and husband, large figures in the memoir, remained shadowy. There's repetition, too, and a need for tightening throughout that also detracted. Mira and her mother's strength and courage will stay with me and I salute both women, and both families.
November 28, 2016
This book spoke to me in so many ways. Mira Ptacin went to school with my children and this is my community. Reading about the events which caused so much grief and soul searching for this dear family rang true to my own families grief at loosing a child and sibling. If you are from Battle Creek, especially, this was a brave bearing of the hearts and souls of a much loved family in our community told with incredible honesty.
January 12, 2016
Open and honest non-fiction memoir of a young woman going through different types of life changing experiences - death of brother (age 14), miscarriage of child, marriage, etc. Very well done with historical information about the areas where the events occurred to aid the reader in understanding what she was going through.
February 6, 2016
Almost all of this book was 5 stars. Towards the end, I questioned that final star. But it was more about me than it was about the book, and that is a lesson of this narrative. I was being kind of a judge-y jerk.
Incredibly well done. My favorite stories were the stories about her parents, especially her mother.
February 9, 2016
Poor Your Soul is a well-crafted memoir. Mira writes a personal & heartfelt narrative of her past & her present, interweaving & binding the two time frames with universal truths, about the nature of grief, the significance of family, the resilience of humans. She does this with honesty, levity & grace.
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March 16, 2016LOVED this book.. It meant a lot reading as I am from Battle Creek and know family and friends. However, the writing is superb and is something with resonates with everyone, male and female. I would recommend .
Displaying 1 - 30 of 94 reviews