Helping Teens Who Cut: Understanding and Ending Self-Injury

by Michael Hollander

Discovering that your teen “cuts” is absolutely terrifying; before you understand what really motivates cutting, you may worry your child is contemplating suicide. What can you do to help when every attempt to address the behavior seems to push him or her further away? In this compassionate, straightforward book, Dr. Michael Hollander, a leading authority on self-injury, spells out the facts about cutting--and what to do to make it stop. You’ll learn how overwhelming emotions lead some teens to hurt themselves, and how proven treatments--chief among them dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)--can help your child become well again. Helping Teens Who Cut demonstrates how to talk to your teen about cutting without making it worse, and explains exactly what to look for in a therapist or treatment program. Drawing on decades of clinical experience as well as the latest research, Dr. Hollander provides concrete ways to help your son or daughter cope with extreme emotions without resorting to self-injury. You’ll also learn practical communication and problem-solving skills that can reduce family stress, making it easier to care for yourself and your teen during the recovery process.

Winner--American Journal of Nursing Book of the Year Award

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Parenting, Mental Health, Health, Counselling

214 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wanted to read this book to see if it could help me. It did. I know it is directed to larents who have children who cut, but if you're a cutter it can also help offer some insight to you about the situation, the whys and how to cope.
The book is very clearly written, talking about DBT therapy and ways to cope or distract oneself from nasty thoughts, or cutting (pardon the unintended pun) the influence of our emotions over our mind and actions. All explanations are full of examples, easy to understand and that offer a great way to fully comprehend what is being said.
I also liked a lot the index at the end of the book, which will help you have a rapid access to things you want to revisit or consult.
There is also a lot of websites listed there that can help, as well as a lot of info on different programmes and ways to treat a pacient, other than DBT in case it is needed.
Personally, I have found that this book is very helpful on understanding the whys of cutting, the coping mechanisms, how therapy work and what you can do to control yourself (mindfulness, coping strategies and so on).
I really feel very fortunate to having been able to access all this information, and I am awed at the good work the author has done.

[K · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book written for parents, but I feel it's a great resource for therapists as well. It provides language for talking to parents about where cutting comes from and how they can respond. Although much of the book focuses specifically on cutting behavior and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) as a research-supported treatment for cutting behavior, I feel that the advice for parents is relevant for any parent of an emotionally overwhelmed teen, even one who doesn't necessarily engage in cutting behavior. Highly recommended.

[Chase Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

a practical approach to helping cutters geared toward parents, but equally useful for professionals.

[theleighbrary · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great resource to support parents who have a child struggling with self-harm. If you are in this category, definitely first seek help from a qualified professional. Once you have found a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist or counsellor that your child and you trust, then reading this book can give you some tools and some insight to help.

I liked that the author shared vignettes to help colour the techniques he was explaining. I always appreciate knowing the science and study data behind books aimed at helping people overcome personal hurdles.

The acronyms would be helpful in reminding parents of the steps for some of these techniques.

And I liked that the author discussed not only the child who is engaging in self-harm, but also the parent’s perspective, and how self-harm could be viewed from an outsider’s perspective (other children’s parents, school staff, etc.) I feel it’s especially important that time was devoted to siblings in the family and how to address their questions in a manner sensitive to all people involved.

All in all this was a great read.

[Cami · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a DBT-trained therapist who works with teens engaging in self-harming behaviors, I found this book good supplemental material with its focused nature. I appreciated the focus of the first half, which talked about assessing function, breaking down those who self-harm into categories of function, and going more in-depth about emotions. The second half was less interesting for me because it detailed DBT therapy. Would definitely recommend for parents. Would recommend at least the first half for already trained DBT therapists.

[Joelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a self-help book written for parents of adolescents who engage in non-suicidal self-injurious behaviors (NSSIB). It is a wonderfully written and concise resource for parents and caretakers, with several case examples drawn from Dr. Hollander's clinical work. It is clear that Dr. Hollander has extensive experience working with both adolescents and their families. I would highly recommend this book to any parent who is concerned about their child's self-injury. It offers a very succinct yet thorough explanation of the causes of self-injury, including debunking the many common misconceptions about NSSIB. I also appreciate that Dr. Hollander speaks from a very compassionate and understanding place. Just as he instructs parents to validate their children, Dr. Hollander takes many opportunities to validate the very difficult experiences that these parents face, while also encouraging them to examine their own behaviors and make important changes.

If you are a clinician, this book may be helpful if you are an adolescent and/or family therapist. It reviews basic dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills, but focuses on ways for parents to help their children, rather than for the clinician to help the adolescent. As a clinician, I found that I learned some new ways to explain emotional regulation/modulation and distress tolerance to my clients. If you are a clinician who already knows DBT and uses it in your practice, this book will likely not offer many new insights. However, it is a nice, quick refresher on these skills, and excellent modeling for how to speak with concerned parents or caretakers.

[Dawn Livingston · Rating 3 out of 5]

My copy is not among the ones listed for this book. I have a softcover, not hardcover or kindle.

This is worth a read if your child is self harming. Maybe a beginning even before you even find a therapist for your child. Even if you're not a parent or a teen that self harms, maybe you're no longer a teen, this might still be helpful to you.

[Kristi · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half was good but then it really focuses on dbt, too much in my opinion. If the title were something like "dbt principles" it would have made more sense.

[NE · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an outstanding explanation of how to apply DBT specifically to self-harm, written by an expert in the field, Dr. Hollander. Dr. Michael Hollander has been working with adolescents and their families for over 40 years, helped found McLean Hospital’s DBT program, and now serves as Director of Training and Consultation at Boston Child Study Center.

What struck me most was how clearly he explains DBT and its application with adolescents. I had always known DBT was evidence-based for self-harm and borderline personality disorder, but I didn’t realize how structured and disciplined it is in its true form.

Dr. Hollander lays out some key concepts I found interesting: commitment to safety (taking self-harm “off the table”), the balance between privacy and parental involvement, and the requirement that patients can reach their therapist 24/7 during crises ("The mistro must show up to the performance").

The skills themselves are deceptively simple but seem to make sense. Concepts like practicing distress tolerance in non-crisis situations, removing self-harm temptations, validating effectively (attentive listening, active reflection, and “giving voice to the unspoken”), and using the “GIVE” skill (Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy manner) to repair relationships are explained so well. Hollander emphasizes the “three Ps”, practice, patience, and perseverance, and encourages allowing natural consequences, using pros and cons for both short- and long-term decisions, and applying “opposite action” to shift intense emotions.

As a provider, I found this book invaluable. It deepened my understanding of DBT far beyond the bullet points we usually see in trainings and articles. It also highlighted how few practitioners are able to deliver DBT in its full, rigorous form.

Reading this gave me a renewed respect for therapists certified in DBT and inspired me to incorporate these evidence-based strategies more intentionally into my own work.

[Jeff · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so glad I read this book. I picked it up even though, to my knowledge, none of my kids engage in self-harm, because it was recommended in another book I was reading about depression in spouses (Depression Fallout, for those interested). If you want to be able to understand, relate better to, and gain the emotional trust of your teens, I recommend this book, especially for those with teens battling depression, anxiety, etc. Just in the last few weeks of reading it, I know I've been able to "be there" for my kids in ways I wasn't before. The author does an wonderful job of giving practical advice that can be implemented immediately by parents looking to help their teens.

[Kristina Clement · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to have a lot of helpful insight into why teens cut. The tips on how to best communicate with your teen were really clear and easy to understand. There was a lot to digest in the book, but it is written in a way that is easy for someone not experienced with therapy to understand. Highly recommend it for parents who are trying to figure out how to navigate this challenge with their kids.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was helpful in understanding why teens cut. I especially liked how the author gave many examples of the right and wrong way to handle different scenarios. There was a lot of great advice including a chapter on how to take care of yourself as the parent. I wish I had bought the book instead of borrowing it from the library because I ended up taking 6 pages worth of notes.

[Finch · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure why I expected to learn anything new from this book, but it's likely a helpful resource for parents since it gives them a look into what their child is learning in comprehensive DBT. It also discusses some commonly believed myths about self-injury that are important for parents and therapists to understand.

[Jamien · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent intro to DBT therapy for highly emotional young people (whether they cut or not). The author is very empathic of parents raising these kids and compassionately teaches effective strategies for helping kids to grow and parents to have more positive relationships with their kids

[Mark Sebert · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very helpful book.

[Alexandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clinically beneficial in helping kids and adults who engage in self injury. Strongly recommend.

[Teresa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good start, and very helpful. I am very grateful. I also am disappointed due to so many assumptions that the child is communicating, even dysfunctionally, after a setup that explains that the behavior may be a hidden one that the child doesn’t know how to communicate about. I will use the information here to the utmost of my ability, but it isn’t enough. I still have so many questions unanswered, even though at times an answer or at least discussion was promised. In fact, I think this book may be missing some parts from the first edition, because there were sections mentioning the wrong chapters.

[Miss Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am browsing through this book. Geared for adults/parents/teachers/librarians/etc who deal with teens who cut. Talks about a new therapy DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) where one " in DBT the therapist aims to accept and validate the client 19s feelings at any given time while nonetheless informing the client that some feelings and behaviors are maladaptive, and showing them better alternatives.[6]
Linehan, M. M. & Dimeff, L. (2001). Dialectical Behavior Therapy in a nutshell, The California Psychologist, 34, 10-13

[Joshua · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an essential book for parents and other adults in the lives of those who cut. Great resources for having healthy conflict. The author finds a middle path for parents that charts a course between overprotective and uninvolved. He also does a good job of helping readers understand how cutting works in relieving stress and why it's unhealthy but not "crazy."

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good teen DBT book that was filled with good information. Only concern was that it should have focused mainly on self-harm. Some of the examples were not related and at times I forgot I was even reading about self injury. As a DBT therapist, I liked the author touching on the DBT skills and surprisingly likes that they were described short and sweet

[Mackenzie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm reading this for my internship - it's written for parents and promotes dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) as the most effective treatment approach. We'll see how it is, but so far I like the style and organization of the book.

[Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good to read to help stand back from a situation and understand it from a different angle. And then what a parent can do about it. Just wish I could remember to use this wisdom when I'm emotionally overwrought.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this to get some insight on teens who cut. I liked the book bc it integrated information about how different patients responded to therapy. Having the patient & their parents' stories made it easier for me to understand how therapist's implement different treatment modalities.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO helpful for work! I love how accessible this info is for anyone who reads it, not just mental health clinicians. I have been validating students’ feelings more because of this book. Super super important and helpful tips and takeaways.

[Arthea J. Larson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had previously read the first edition of this book and can heartily recommend this second edition. The additional information on DBT provides parents with a good overview of what to look for/expect in treatment. This is my go-to book for parents.

[Carolina Pombo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a perfect start on the subject not only for parents but also for mental health professionals. So many professionals, including psychiatrists, don't have a clue on how helping kids who self-harm.

[Cyrene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though Im not a parent I read it because I thought I could relate in some way to this book. Honestly I did and most of what was written I did relate to. Great book altogether

[Jessica Lahey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic resource for teachers and parents.

[Carole]

A few good thoughts for how to support students who cut. Unfortunately, there are some in the elementary school age range.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly insightful in helping me understand the unimaginable.