What do you think?
Rate this book
No More Meltdowns: Positive Strategies for Managing and Preventing Out-Of-Control Behavior
It could happen at the grocery store, at a restaurant, at school, or at home. Meltdowns are stressful for both child and adult, but Dr. Baker can help! Author of the award-winning Social Skills Picture Book series, Dr. Jed Baker offers parents and teachers strategies for preventing and managing meltdowns. Over twenty years of experience working with children on the autism spectrum combined with his personal experiences raising his own children have yielded time-tested strategies―and results! Dr. Baker offers an easy-to-follow, four-step model that will improve your everyday relationships with the children in your life, including managing your own emotions by adjusting your expectations, learning strategies to calm a meltdown in the moment, understanding why a meltdown occurs, and creating plans to prevent future meltdowns. Helpful chapters : When rewards and punishments are not enough
What are meltdowns made of?
Accepting and appreciating our children
De-escalating a meltdown
Understanding why repeat problems occur
Creating a prevention plan
And more!
What are meltdowns made of?
Accepting and appreciating our children
De-escalating a meltdown
Understanding why repeat problems occur
Creating a prevention plan
And more!
150 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2008
67 people are currently reading
520 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 50 reviews
July 15, 2023
Top 10 ideas from No More Meltdowns:
1. Each day for several months, have your child imagine the sensations of anger and rehearse the calming strategy, such as: holding a squeeze ball, counting to 10, taking deep breaths, taking a walk and swinging on the swing set. He will be able to do the calming strategy without too much conscious effort (42)
2. Create a schedule of routines that involves visual reminders of their schedule to provide comfort in understanding what to expect next (40)
3. Praise their effort when they are working on a project or attempting a new activity. Those concentrating on their ability get frustrated more easily. In contrast, those attending their level of effort respond to frustration with more motivation and positive feelings. Praise their continued efforts rather than simply praise their current ability (28)
4. Avoid meltdowns by anticipating and preparing for triggering events. Use the Prevention Plan Form (20, 147)
5. Self-calming strategies: Getting a hug, swinging on the swing set, taking a walk, taking deep breaths, counting to 10, holding a favorite toy (a pup) and a squeeze ball. (42) When using humor, ask “Is it okay if I try to make you laugh to get your mind off of this?”(39)
6. Creating rules and consequences is an important starting point. Without rules and consequences, our lives would be chaotic (5)
7. Gradually expose your child to new foods by asking him first to just look at the foods. Next, ask him to smell them, taste them and eventually eat a small piece. Begin with sweet items (even candy) to allow your child to be open to trying new things. Exercise just prior to trying a new food can increase appetite (77, 78, 80)
8. A child’s passion can be the most effective distraction. Suggestions: Getting hugs, stuffed animals, favorite toys, books and looking out the window (38)
9. Give your child a sticker for each night he sleeps in his own bed. Most importantly, praise him so that he can take pride in his independence (143)
10. Set a time to do homework soon after school, before he gets too tired, and right after as snack, so he’s not hungry. Break down the homework into small steps and ask him to do one tiny part of it. Once started, he will likely be willing to do other parts as well (70)
When children feel accepted and appreciated by us, they are more likely to listen to us (9)
1. Each day for several months, have your child imagine the sensations of anger and rehearse the calming strategy, such as: holding a squeeze ball, counting to 10, taking deep breaths, taking a walk and swinging on the swing set. He will be able to do the calming strategy without too much conscious effort (42)
2. Create a schedule of routines that involves visual reminders of their schedule to provide comfort in understanding what to expect next (40)
3. Praise their effort when they are working on a project or attempting a new activity. Those concentrating on their ability get frustrated more easily. In contrast, those attending their level of effort respond to frustration with more motivation and positive feelings. Praise their continued efforts rather than simply praise their current ability (28)
4. Avoid meltdowns by anticipating and preparing for triggering events. Use the Prevention Plan Form (20, 147)
5. Self-calming strategies: Getting a hug, swinging on the swing set, taking a walk, taking deep breaths, counting to 10, holding a favorite toy (a pup) and a squeeze ball. (42) When using humor, ask “Is it okay if I try to make you laugh to get your mind off of this?”(39)
6. Creating rules and consequences is an important starting point. Without rules and consequences, our lives would be chaotic (5)
7. Gradually expose your child to new foods by asking him first to just look at the foods. Next, ask him to smell them, taste them and eventually eat a small piece. Begin with sweet items (even candy) to allow your child to be open to trying new things. Exercise just prior to trying a new food can increase appetite (77, 78, 80)
8. A child’s passion can be the most effective distraction. Suggestions: Getting hugs, stuffed animals, favorite toys, books and looking out the window (38)
9. Give your child a sticker for each night he sleeps in his own bed. Most importantly, praise him so that he can take pride in his independence (143)
10. Set a time to do homework soon after school, before he gets too tired, and right after as snack, so he’s not hungry. Break down the homework into small steps and ask him to do one tiny part of it. Once started, he will likely be willing to do other parts as well (70)
When children feel accepted and appreciated by us, they are more likely to listen to us (9)
Read
May 17, 2011Foreward
Sisyphus – punished for all eternity by having to push a huge boulder up a hill … where it hovers for a nanosecond … and topples back down to the bottom … Sisyphus has to chase after the boulder … put his shoulder to it … and push it up the hill again … and again … and again.
Do you know someone like Sisyphus? Someone who frustrates or angers you with a contrary response to an ordinary demand? (keep your hands to yourself) And does this person lack the skills to change his behavior? And do you try to cajole or reason with him, to no avail? Do the two of you get stuck in this no-win situation? Does the situation end with his inevitable meltdown and your futile punishment?
Do you feel like you are the one pushing a boulder up a hill over and over and over again?
Jed Baker gives us the tools to deal with and prevent out-of-control behavior. He leads us grown-ups in how to change our own behavior in order to help our children change theirs.
Jed shares a four-step program that can prevent melt-downs.
The first step is to accept and appreciate your child. The three “musts” in this first step are
a. To control your own temper
b. create and atmosphere where the child feels competent
c. and avoid constant power struggles.
The second step is to de-escalate a meltdown with a distraction that you are pretty sure will comfort the child
The distraction may be a hug or a moment of bouncing on your knee. Physical contact and playful movement deliver soothing sensory input that may be all you need to diffuse the meltdown.
The distraction may be a favorite toy, a good joke, or a collectible playing card.
The third step is to understand why meltdowns reoccur. The ABCs of behavior – antecedent, behavior, and consequences – and determine the specific triggers of your child’s meltdown.
The fourth step is to create logical plans to prevent meltdowns. These plans make sense. Some children have meltdowns because they are on sensory “overload” or “underload.” Here you will find suggestions for ways to change the level of sensory stimulation that may contribute to out-of-control behavior.
Be proactive.
It encourages us to become mindful, flexible, and hopeful, so we can model positive behavior for our children.
It is filled with compassion for our young children who also are pushing a rock up the hill … over and over again. These children are doing everything in their power to cope. This book will give strategies to help all succeed.
Develop a Trusting Relationship
CH1 Meldowns: When rewards and punishments are not enough
“…bright young boy with unpredictable outbursts” ignored therapist until therapist made him smile … therapist wanted to reward child … said when had 5 fake dollar bills would give him a piece of candy … child had a meltdown … banging elbow against wall enough to leave a hole in the wall. Mom later said child was struggling with math … therapist had threatened child with having to count … so meltdown …
These challenging moments are exhausting for all … They may involve any upsetting behaviors that are hard to control, such as kicking and screaming, refusing to listen, physical aggression, or bad language.
From Jed’s point of view … “Meltdowns are escalating negative emotional reactions.”
The Usual Parenting Advice: Start with Consistent Rules and Consequences
The starting point is:
… we need to create rules and be consistent in enforcing them.
… we need to control our own tempers and calmly follow through with the rules that we have set.
“We understand that kids need structure and discipline to help them learn and behave. We set rules so they know what to expect. We have consequences, both rewards and punishments, to make clear the importance of following those rules. Without rules and consequences, our lives would be chaotic.” P. 5
Limits of Discipline
We escalate the discipline level if the child doesn’t obey … and this is fine as long as the result is a positive change in behavior. When a positive change in behavior is not the result of the discipline … there is no value in continuing.
“When consistent rewards and punishments are not working, it is time to try a new strategy” p.7
But aren’t meltdowns just manipulative behavior?
Difference between meltdowns and tantrums
---Meltdowns are always out of control – give some leeway
---Tantrums are manipulative behavior – hold fast to rules
There is a 3rd choice – understand the problem so that we can create a plan to prevent it from happening.
“When the challenging behaviors continue despite consistently enforcing the rules, it does not matter anymore whether the behavior was intention. We need to understand the triggers to those behaviors and/or teach better ways to cope with those triggers.” P.8
When traditional discipline falls short --- we need another plan.
Meltdowns occur when children are asked to do things beyond their capability at the time.
Book offers a 4 step model – based on research – to help deal with and also reduce the number of meltdowns.
An overview of the 4-step model
Step 1 – to accept and appreciate the child
Maintaining a positive relationship with the child is important
1. First we must be able to control our own temper. This is easier when we do not see the child’s behavior as a threat to our own competence, but rather as a function of the child’s current inability to cope with frustration.
2. Second, to reduce the child’s frustration, we must create an atmosphere in which the child feels competent. If the child always feels criticized he or she will begin to tune us out in an effort to protect self-esteem. Ample praise and setting up activities in which they can succeed help to build a sense of competence and trust in the adult caregiver.
3. Finally, we must avoid constant power struggles. When children fail to follow a particular rule consistently it may be time to change the demand rather than force them to comply. All children are different, thus the exact same expectations may not apply to all children.
Step 2 – de-escalating a meltdown
There will be moments when a child with melt down
Now comes the screaming and tantrum in public
People are staring and we feel judges and embarrassed
Chapter 4 talks about using the art of distraction to de-escalate a melt down.
Although distraction is a crucial crisis management skill, we do not want to rely on it too often.
It is much more productive to learn how to anticipate the situation that can trigger a meltdown and develop a plan to prevent them from happening.
Step 3 – Understand why a meltdown keeps occurring
Meltdowns in very young children are not abnormal behaviors. Self-control is something that that develops with age. There are certain characteristics that make certain individuals more likely to melt down than their peers.
Meltdowns as the flight, fight, or freeze response
When we feel extremely threatened, we all are prone to react automatically with an intense emotional response to fight, flee, or freeze as if our life depended on it. This survival mode response in many ways fits the definition of a meltdown. The emotional center of our brain takes over so we don’t have access to our reasoning ability.
This is often referred to as the “crocodile” or the “reptilian” brain taking over. The “reptilian” part of our brain (particularly the limbic system) controls our fight, flee or freeze response. The neo-cortex section of the brain is the newer part of our brain and controls which is associated with planning and reasoning. When we feel threatened, the “reptilian part of our brain takes over. This quick, non-thinking response has survival value, but in a world where perceived threats are not life-threatening, the fight, flee or freeze response can lead to meltdowns. Basically the automatic response hijacks the planning and reasoning area of the brain.
Goleman in “Emotional Intelligence” points out that it is impossible to reason with someone during an emotional hijacking. He also describes how distraction can shift the individuals attention away from the triggering event until they are calm.
An Overactive Emotion Center
Anyone can have a meltdown. Certain characteristics are associated with the limbic system, which seems to lead to a difficulty in controlling emotions. These include:
--difficult temperament
--attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
--chronic pain
--sleep difficulties
All these are associated with greater irritability and emotional reactivity
Characteristics that make the environment more threatening
In addition to being more emotionally reactive – certain environmental conditions can trigger a threat response in a situation we would consider harmless.
--sensory challengers (sensitivity to noise, light, touch, smell, or taste)
--or difficulties integrating all these sensory inputs
--Motor difficulties – especially a speech problem makes it difficult to communicate needs
--difficulties with abstract thinking
--perspective taking
--inflexibility
Without the cognitive flexibility to understand and process new events, many individuals will be thrown into meltdown mode.
Temperment
Long-term studies from infancy through childhood – show that certain individuals are born with a more difficult temperament. This is often associated with greater negative emotional reactions to new situations.
Thomas and Chess examined 9 key dimensions of behavior in newborns.
1. activity level
2. rhythmicity (schedule for feeding, sleep and elimination)
3. approach/withdraw patterns
4. adaptability
5. threshold of responsiveness
6. intensity of reaction
7. quality of mood
8. distractibility
9. attention span and persistence
When evaluated appox 60% of children could be placed in 1 of 3 categories that remain stable over time.
The “easy child” can accept frustration with less fussiness, maintain a more positive mood, and can easily adapt to to change.
The “difficult child” shows a more negative response to new situations and more intense crying and tantrums when frustrated.
The “slow-to-warm-up child” initially shows a mild negative reaction to new situations, yet gradually adapts with more exposure to these situations.
Parental response can alter a child’s temperament in some cases … the timid child who is gently encouraged to be more outgoing by their parent – and thus are gradually exposed to new situations – become less fearful.
Although having a difficult temperament does not mean that one has a “behavior disorder” certain behavior disorders are associated with greater levels of frustration.
Have greater impulsivity and are less able to control their emotional response-
--ADHD
--mood disorders such as bipolar disorder
Have greater challenges in handling new situations and prefer repetitive routines-
--those with autism spectral disorder
--sensory processing disorder
--anxiety disorders … such as obsessive compulsive disorder
Difficulties with Abstract thinking and Perspective taking
Abstract thinking is the ability to imagine that which is not directly perceived by the senses.
When asked to imagine that “pigs can fly” --- some bright individuals cannot put together the picture of a pig and a picture of wings in their mind to imagine that pigs can fly. They know that pigs cannot fly ... and they cannot imagine that they can. They will get angry … when pushed about the concept … because they cannot imagine that pigs can fly.
When one has challenges with abstract thinking, it may be difficult to take another’s perspective. What other people are thinking and feeling must be imagined. That may not come naturally to certain individuals.
There is research on the function of brain cells called mirror neurons, which seem to affect an individual’s ability to empathize and understand what others are feeling. When an individual has trouble with the functioning of these mirror neurons, the effect is that they will have difficulty taking other people’s perspectives. Taking other people’s perspective helps us to socialize with them.
When perspective taking does not come naturally, it makes it more likely to misinterpret others, which can lead to greater frustration and meltdowns.
Inflexibility
Many individuals can be extremely inflexible in how they handle the daily challenges of life. Part of this may be related to trouble with abstract thinking. When it is hard to use the imagination it may be harder to solve new problems.
When it is hard to use one’s imagination, it becomes harder to solve new problems, and the likelihood of frustration increases, which may lead to meltdowns.
Example is wrong driving directions … a street is not where the directions show it should be …
If have difficulty with abstract thinking could be stuck at this point.
It would be difficult to imagine what to do next.
Frustration would grow leading to a possible meltdown.
Without the use of abstract thinking - may not think to ask for directions.
For those who cannot brainstorm solutions to new problems – must have some prep for unanticipated challenging events
--if give them directions
--also give them a phone number to call if anything doesn’t work
--and may need to remind them to call if anything goes wrong
A good prevention plan can help to avoid meltdowns.
An Explosive Combination
Imagine someone who has a difficult temperament, is inflexible, and struggles to understand other’s point of view. They come to new situations and don’t have the problem-solving skills to handle them.
Then they get overly upset as if they were in a life threatening situation.
These individuals are continually confronted with problematic events and cannot cope.
We need to know how to calm meltdowns.
We need to be able to anticipate meltdowns – by anticipating and preparing for triggering events.
Sisyphus – punished for all eternity by having to push a huge boulder up a hill … where it hovers for a nanosecond … and topples back down to the bottom … Sisyphus has to chase after the boulder … put his shoulder to it … and push it up the hill again … and again … and again.
Do you know someone like Sisyphus? Someone who frustrates or angers you with a contrary response to an ordinary demand? (keep your hands to yourself) And does this person lack the skills to change his behavior? And do you try to cajole or reason with him, to no avail? Do the two of you get stuck in this no-win situation? Does the situation end with his inevitable meltdown and your futile punishment?
Do you feel like you are the one pushing a boulder up a hill over and over and over again?
Jed Baker gives us the tools to deal with and prevent out-of-control behavior. He leads us grown-ups in how to change our own behavior in order to help our children change theirs.
Jed shares a four-step program that can prevent melt-downs.
The first step is to accept and appreciate your child. The three “musts” in this first step are
a. To control your own temper
b. create and atmosphere where the child feels competent
c. and avoid constant power struggles.
The second step is to de-escalate a meltdown with a distraction that you are pretty sure will comfort the child
The distraction may be a hug or a moment of bouncing on your knee. Physical contact and playful movement deliver soothing sensory input that may be all you need to diffuse the meltdown.
The distraction may be a favorite toy, a good joke, or a collectible playing card.
The third step is to understand why meltdowns reoccur. The ABCs of behavior – antecedent, behavior, and consequences – and determine the specific triggers of your child’s meltdown.
The fourth step is to create logical plans to prevent meltdowns. These plans make sense. Some children have meltdowns because they are on sensory “overload” or “underload.” Here you will find suggestions for ways to change the level of sensory stimulation that may contribute to out-of-control behavior.
Be proactive.
It encourages us to become mindful, flexible, and hopeful, so we can model positive behavior for our children.
It is filled with compassion for our young children who also are pushing a rock up the hill … over and over again. These children are doing everything in their power to cope. This book will give strategies to help all succeed.
Develop a Trusting Relationship
CH1 Meldowns: When rewards and punishments are not enough
“…bright young boy with unpredictable outbursts” ignored therapist until therapist made him smile … therapist wanted to reward child … said when had 5 fake dollar bills would give him a piece of candy … child had a meltdown … banging elbow against wall enough to leave a hole in the wall. Mom later said child was struggling with math … therapist had threatened child with having to count … so meltdown …
These challenging moments are exhausting for all … They may involve any upsetting behaviors that are hard to control, such as kicking and screaming, refusing to listen, physical aggression, or bad language.
From Jed’s point of view … “Meltdowns are escalating negative emotional reactions.”
The Usual Parenting Advice: Start with Consistent Rules and Consequences
The starting point is:
… we need to create rules and be consistent in enforcing them.
… we need to control our own tempers and calmly follow through with the rules that we have set.
“We understand that kids need structure and discipline to help them learn and behave. We set rules so they know what to expect. We have consequences, both rewards and punishments, to make clear the importance of following those rules. Without rules and consequences, our lives would be chaotic.” P. 5
Limits of Discipline
We escalate the discipline level if the child doesn’t obey … and this is fine as long as the result is a positive change in behavior. When a positive change in behavior is not the result of the discipline … there is no value in continuing.
“When consistent rewards and punishments are not working, it is time to try a new strategy” p.7
But aren’t meltdowns just manipulative behavior?
Difference between meltdowns and tantrums
---Meltdowns are always out of control – give some leeway
---Tantrums are manipulative behavior – hold fast to rules
There is a 3rd choice – understand the problem so that we can create a plan to prevent it from happening.
“When the challenging behaviors continue despite consistently enforcing the rules, it does not matter anymore whether the behavior was intention. We need to understand the triggers to those behaviors and/or teach better ways to cope with those triggers.” P.8
When traditional discipline falls short --- we need another plan.
Meltdowns occur when children are asked to do things beyond their capability at the time.
Book offers a 4 step model – based on research – to help deal with and also reduce the number of meltdowns.
An overview of the 4-step model
Step 1 – to accept and appreciate the child
Maintaining a positive relationship with the child is important
1. First we must be able to control our own temper. This is easier when we do not see the child’s behavior as a threat to our own competence, but rather as a function of the child’s current inability to cope with frustration.
2. Second, to reduce the child’s frustration, we must create an atmosphere in which the child feels competent. If the child always feels criticized he or she will begin to tune us out in an effort to protect self-esteem. Ample praise and setting up activities in which they can succeed help to build a sense of competence and trust in the adult caregiver.
3. Finally, we must avoid constant power struggles. When children fail to follow a particular rule consistently it may be time to change the demand rather than force them to comply. All children are different, thus the exact same expectations may not apply to all children.
Step 2 – de-escalating a meltdown
There will be moments when a child with melt down
Now comes the screaming and tantrum in public
People are staring and we feel judges and embarrassed
Chapter 4 talks about using the art of distraction to de-escalate a melt down.
Although distraction is a crucial crisis management skill, we do not want to rely on it too often.
It is much more productive to learn how to anticipate the situation that can trigger a meltdown and develop a plan to prevent them from happening.
Step 3 – Understand why a meltdown keeps occurring
Meltdowns in very young children are not abnormal behaviors. Self-control is something that that develops with age. There are certain characteristics that make certain individuals more likely to melt down than their peers.
Meltdowns as the flight, fight, or freeze response
When we feel extremely threatened, we all are prone to react automatically with an intense emotional response to fight, flee, or freeze as if our life depended on it. This survival mode response in many ways fits the definition of a meltdown. The emotional center of our brain takes over so we don’t have access to our reasoning ability.
This is often referred to as the “crocodile” or the “reptilian” brain taking over. The “reptilian” part of our brain (particularly the limbic system) controls our fight, flee or freeze response. The neo-cortex section of the brain is the newer part of our brain and controls which is associated with planning and reasoning. When we feel threatened, the “reptilian part of our brain takes over. This quick, non-thinking response has survival value, but in a world where perceived threats are not life-threatening, the fight, flee or freeze response can lead to meltdowns. Basically the automatic response hijacks the planning and reasoning area of the brain.
Goleman in “Emotional Intelligence” points out that it is impossible to reason with someone during an emotional hijacking. He also describes how distraction can shift the individuals attention away from the triggering event until they are calm.
An Overactive Emotion Center
Anyone can have a meltdown. Certain characteristics are associated with the limbic system, which seems to lead to a difficulty in controlling emotions. These include:
--difficult temperament
--attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
--chronic pain
--sleep difficulties
All these are associated with greater irritability and emotional reactivity
Characteristics that make the environment more threatening
In addition to being more emotionally reactive – certain environmental conditions can trigger a threat response in a situation we would consider harmless.
--sensory challengers (sensitivity to noise, light, touch, smell, or taste)
--or difficulties integrating all these sensory inputs
--Motor difficulties – especially a speech problem makes it difficult to communicate needs
--difficulties with abstract thinking
--perspective taking
--inflexibility
Without the cognitive flexibility to understand and process new events, many individuals will be thrown into meltdown mode.
Temperment
Long-term studies from infancy through childhood – show that certain individuals are born with a more difficult temperament. This is often associated with greater negative emotional reactions to new situations.
Thomas and Chess examined 9 key dimensions of behavior in newborns.
1. activity level
2. rhythmicity (schedule for feeding, sleep and elimination)
3. approach/withdraw patterns
4. adaptability
5. threshold of responsiveness
6. intensity of reaction
7. quality of mood
8. distractibility
9. attention span and persistence
When evaluated appox 60% of children could be placed in 1 of 3 categories that remain stable over time.
The “easy child” can accept frustration with less fussiness, maintain a more positive mood, and can easily adapt to to change.
The “difficult child” shows a more negative response to new situations and more intense crying and tantrums when frustrated.
The “slow-to-warm-up child” initially shows a mild negative reaction to new situations, yet gradually adapts with more exposure to these situations.
Parental response can alter a child’s temperament in some cases … the timid child who is gently encouraged to be more outgoing by their parent – and thus are gradually exposed to new situations – become less fearful.
Although having a difficult temperament does not mean that one has a “behavior disorder” certain behavior disorders are associated with greater levels of frustration.
Have greater impulsivity and are less able to control their emotional response-
--ADHD
--mood disorders such as bipolar disorder
Have greater challenges in handling new situations and prefer repetitive routines-
--those with autism spectral disorder
--sensory processing disorder
--anxiety disorders … such as obsessive compulsive disorder
Difficulties with Abstract thinking and Perspective taking
Abstract thinking is the ability to imagine that which is not directly perceived by the senses.
When asked to imagine that “pigs can fly” --- some bright individuals cannot put together the picture of a pig and a picture of wings in their mind to imagine that pigs can fly. They know that pigs cannot fly ... and they cannot imagine that they can. They will get angry … when pushed about the concept … because they cannot imagine that pigs can fly.
When one has challenges with abstract thinking, it may be difficult to take another’s perspective. What other people are thinking and feeling must be imagined. That may not come naturally to certain individuals.
There is research on the function of brain cells called mirror neurons, which seem to affect an individual’s ability to empathize and understand what others are feeling. When an individual has trouble with the functioning of these mirror neurons, the effect is that they will have difficulty taking other people’s perspectives. Taking other people’s perspective helps us to socialize with them.
When perspective taking does not come naturally, it makes it more likely to misinterpret others, which can lead to greater frustration and meltdowns.
Inflexibility
Many individuals can be extremely inflexible in how they handle the daily challenges of life. Part of this may be related to trouble with abstract thinking. When it is hard to use the imagination it may be harder to solve new problems.
When it is hard to use one’s imagination, it becomes harder to solve new problems, and the likelihood of frustration increases, which may lead to meltdowns.
Example is wrong driving directions … a street is not where the directions show it should be …
If have difficulty with abstract thinking could be stuck at this point.
It would be difficult to imagine what to do next.
Frustration would grow leading to a possible meltdown.
Without the use of abstract thinking - may not think to ask for directions.
For those who cannot brainstorm solutions to new problems – must have some prep for unanticipated challenging events
--if give them directions
--also give them a phone number to call if anything doesn’t work
--and may need to remind them to call if anything goes wrong
A good prevention plan can help to avoid meltdowns.
An Explosive Combination
Imagine someone who has a difficult temperament, is inflexible, and struggles to understand other’s point of view. They come to new situations and don’t have the problem-solving skills to handle them.
Then they get overly upset as if they were in a life threatening situation.
These individuals are continually confronted with problematic events and cannot cope.
We need to know how to calm meltdowns.
We need to be able to anticipate meltdowns – by anticipating and preparing for triggering events.
April 11, 2017
Practical and helpful guide, especially if you have neuro-divergent children. Was recommended to us by the psychologist we see for one of our children.
February 6, 2024
I grabbed this book in preparation for an ABA job I was interviewing for, after being grilled by a sketchy rehab in the woods with a bunch of hyper-specific clinical questions about my preferred theorists and my Batman utility belt of real-time interventions. I held my own pretty soundly, though they did send me a couple sliders I had to bluff on; I googled it later and found out they were using not only the jargon wrong, but regular words too. If your clinical director can't tell the difference between dialectic and didactic... well, consider this my application for the job of your clinical director.
The ABA place was much less sketchy and the nice ladies barely asked me anything about actual nuts-and-bolts ABA. Which was still good, because this book isn't very technical. It spares the reader the usual agonizing behaviorist psychobabble of positive punishment and response extinction and all the other PSY100 Skinner stuff they drill into you after Pavlov and before Freud.
It's a brief, accessible book about empathy and using the right tool for the job. Make sure you're being consistent and fair. If consistency doesn't work, you've got to meet the kid halfway. The difference between a tantrum and a meltdown is a tantrum is on purpose, to manipulate you, and a meltdown is a full loss of emotional control.
Jed Baker talks a lot about appreciating the child for their strengths and trying to reduce the severity of the triggers. To a strict behaviorist, this is going to look like inconsistency and "letting them get their way". Yeah. Do that for a while. Then, gradually, wean them off their way and onto your way. It's called the Long Game. You can still win at the Long Game because you have the ability to delay gratification. You can't win at the Short Game because the kid will always scream and hit and flail and do other feral kid things more than you would, or legally can.
It's a book about gently, kindly, humanistically dragging the melter-down out of the pit of despair and putting them on a stable ground, controlling for hunger, tiredness, loud noises, and bad smells. Once you've got them close to level, you push them just a scooch. Just a little. You don't have to eat broccoli. Just look at the broccoli. Look how green it is. Dang, that's some green broccoli, huh? Like your favorite dude, Swamp Thing. Here's some M&Ms. Maybe tomorrow we'll smell the broccoli.
Where traditional Pavlovianism fails, operant conditioning and shaping succeeds, and that's essentially what the book is about. Although, I'm not sure how many of these terms are still okay to use in the cute and cuddly realm of Applied Behavioral Analysis. A lot of things have become euphemistic in an effort to get some distance from behaviorism's brutal past, with the white mouse experiments, with what Harlow did to those poor monkeys, with Skinner's utopian novel about making Brave New World real through systematic childhood brainwashing.
But I digress. This isn't about my disdain for Skinner as a person. This is about this book. And this book is really good. Good for clinicians, but obviously not written for them. Great for parents of kids who melt down.
The ABA place was much less sketchy and the nice ladies barely asked me anything about actual nuts-and-bolts ABA. Which was still good, because this book isn't very technical. It spares the reader the usual agonizing behaviorist psychobabble of positive punishment and response extinction and all the other PSY100 Skinner stuff they drill into you after Pavlov and before Freud.
It's a brief, accessible book about empathy and using the right tool for the job. Make sure you're being consistent and fair. If consistency doesn't work, you've got to meet the kid halfway. The difference between a tantrum and a meltdown is a tantrum is on purpose, to manipulate you, and a meltdown is a full loss of emotional control.
Jed Baker talks a lot about appreciating the child for their strengths and trying to reduce the severity of the triggers. To a strict behaviorist, this is going to look like inconsistency and "letting them get their way". Yeah. Do that for a while. Then, gradually, wean them off their way and onto your way. It's called the Long Game. You can still win at the Long Game because you have the ability to delay gratification. You can't win at the Short Game because the kid will always scream and hit and flail and do other feral kid things more than you would, or legally can.
It's a book about gently, kindly, humanistically dragging the melter-down out of the pit of despair and putting them on a stable ground, controlling for hunger, tiredness, loud noises, and bad smells. Once you've got them close to level, you push them just a scooch. Just a little. You don't have to eat broccoli. Just look at the broccoli. Look how green it is. Dang, that's some green broccoli, huh? Like your favorite dude, Swamp Thing. Here's some M&Ms. Maybe tomorrow we'll smell the broccoli.
Where traditional Pavlovianism fails, operant conditioning and shaping succeeds, and that's essentially what the book is about. Although, I'm not sure how many of these terms are still okay to use in the cute and cuddly realm of Applied Behavioral Analysis. A lot of things have become euphemistic in an effort to get some distance from behaviorism's brutal past, with the white mouse experiments, with what Harlow did to those poor monkeys, with Skinner's utopian novel about making Brave New World real through systematic childhood brainwashing.
But I digress. This isn't about my disdain for Skinner as a person. This is about this book. And this book is really good. Good for clinicians, but obviously not written for them. Great for parents of kids who melt down.
May 20, 2018
No More Meltdowns by Jed Baker, Ph.D., Carol Stock Kranowitz
Positive Strategies for Dealing with and Preventing Out of Control Behavior
2008
Parenting
Non fiction
I received a digital copy of this book for review via NetGalley and publisher Future Horizons Inc.
Although published in 2008, the information remains applicable today in its approach to dealing with children who experience emotional outbursts. The author has developed a four-step approach to preventing the out of control behavior. Although nothing is guaranteed, the book does provide useful advice for adults as his recommendations are focused on understanding the child’s difficulties.
His book is based on his evaluation of research on the function of brain cells with challenges abstract thinking. These challenges with abstract thinking can lead to inflexibility due to inability to see another person’s perspective. He explains how adjusting ones expectations can help develop and maintain a positive relationship with the child.
Before we can develop and maintain a positive relationship with our child we must address some key issues. He explains how controlling our own frustrations can help our child feel competent and avoid “learned helplessness” and avoid constant power struggles.
Positive Strategies for Dealing with and Preventing Out of Control Behavior
2008
Parenting
Non fiction
I received a digital copy of this book for review via NetGalley and publisher Future Horizons Inc.
Although published in 2008, the information remains applicable today in its approach to dealing with children who experience emotional outbursts. The author has developed a four-step approach to preventing the out of control behavior. Although nothing is guaranteed, the book does provide useful advice for adults as his recommendations are focused on understanding the child’s difficulties.
His book is based on his evaluation of research on the function of brain cells with challenges abstract thinking. These challenges with abstract thinking can lead to inflexibility due to inability to see another person’s perspective. He explains how adjusting ones expectations can help develop and maintain a positive relationship with the child.
Before we can develop and maintain a positive relationship with our child we must address some key issues. He explains how controlling our own frustrations can help our child feel competent and avoid “learned helplessness” and avoid constant power struggles.
July 24, 2024
I just finished a graduate course called "Meltdowns and Tantrums," and one of the readings was an interview with the author, Jed Baker. I was so impressed with the interview that I immediately purchased this book. I listened to the audio, but I will also buy a copy on paper to go back to certain parts and share it with colleagues.
Looking back on the past 2 years, I can't help but wish I had this book in my hands, especially during the challenges of the past year. The strategies and scripts it offers could have been a game changer. Now, armed with this new knowledge, I'm ready to face similar situations with confidence.
Teachers and parents could equally utilize this book.
I particularly liked the anecdotes that headed each section; I found the application of his principles through these case studies to be the most helpful part of the book.
Looking back on the past 2 years, I can't help but wish I had this book in my hands, especially during the challenges of the past year. The strategies and scripts it offers could have been a game changer. Now, armed with this new knowledge, I'm ready to face similar situations with confidence.
Teachers and parents could equally utilize this book.
I particularly liked the anecdotes that headed each section; I found the application of his principles through these case studies to be the most helpful part of the book.
July 17, 2022
This was an excellent, practical book. There are many Quick Reference Guides to many struggles that include how to change triggers, skills to teach, reward or loss systems to try, and biological and physical strategies to consider. He guides you in setting up an ABC diary (antecedents, behavior, and consequences) to pick up on patterns, create strategies and cue cards for the child, and develop a prevention plan that sets the child up for success —in this case, no more meltdowns. This book makes special needs parenting feel a little less overwhelming.
March 30, 2023
This is the Campbell-Savona book study for the year. It seems to be aimed at parents, mostly, because it's a mishmash of a bunch of research that you've likely heard at any Professional Development. I had TCI training this year, which allows me to restrain children in danger of hurting themselves or others, but also provides a better understanding of crisis management. No More Meltdowns was pretty much a watered-down version of this.
February 14, 2017
I love this book because it's smart, succinct, compassionate, and highly readable for busy parents and teachers. Baker's strategies focus on addressing root causes of behavior problems without placing blame on either children or adults. It's all about doing what works to help everybody be functional and happy!
June 6, 2018
Though my days of working with autistic spectrum children is done, I think this book will be a godsend to those who do have to deal with them. Really informative and worth a read.
I received a Kindle ARC for a fair review of this book from Netgalley.
I received a Kindle ARC for a fair review of this book from Netgalley.
July 18, 2023
I read this to fill in indirect hours for a practicum course and it blends well with my current coursework and other learning. It is simple to read and understand, which makes the techniques easy to implement as well.
Read
December 14, 2017A great book with helpful information on how to prevent and reduce the number and intensity of meltdowns.
January 19, 2018
A book with reasonable explanations and solution approaches to helping children deal with frustrations.
October 6, 2018
Some new strategies and techniques to try out- good explanation of why triggers lead to meltdowns and how to avoid the triggers.
December 6, 2018
A good collection of ways for parents and other caregivers to stay connected and resourceful with their children during a meltdown.
October 21, 2021
Some helpful ideas very basic strategies
November 26, 2021
Good reminders and strategies for kids with big feelings.
June 30, 2022
The book was an interesting read. I work with SPED children in public school in Goodyear, AZ.
I learned some of how to prevent and handle behavior issues in our students.
I learned some of how to prevent and handle behavior issues in our students.
September 15, 2022
Finally, a book that actually has tangible ideas and a method for helping with difficult situations. Looking forward to applying what I’ve learned.
October 25, 2024
Some good information. Although I was reading this from a teachers perspective and not a parents perspective, which I feel it wad geared more towards parents and that changes how things are handled.
March 22, 2012
Having read several of Jed Baker's books, I held off on reading this one, knowing that the others had been excellent, but wanting to see what useful information this one would have to offer. The best section in it for me was the explanation on brain regions, fight or flight response and reptilian brains. An excellent, simple, explanation, it made a great deal of sense. The other stuff in the book...not so much. This is not the fault of the book itself, but its intended audience. It doesn't appear to include how to teach children self-regulation skills, so much as monitoring your own (read: parents') behavior, setting up a behavioral diary to figure out why meltdowns are occurring, and advice on picky eaters, bed time, disorganization, etc. (Oddly, advice that might have appeared in Baker's other books about autism -- a need for organizational planning assistance -- is not mentioned here). Good for parents. For readers of Baker's other excellent social skills book, you might find something useful here, but it assumes parents might already know skills and possibly only need reminders regarding them.
February 2, 2012
This is a great parenting book. I learned many of these techniques in workshops but it is great to have them summarized in a book.
One of my favorite concepts is that at some point it doesn't matter if a child is melting down as a public demonstration or because they are incapable of dealing with the situation. Regardless, when a child has frequent meltdowns, it is time for teaching new skills, restructuring and showing compassion rather than time for harsh discipline.
And the examples at the end are very encouraging for exhausted parents with little creativity to devote to solving problems, examples for common tantrum-causing situations like dragging mornings, clean up, homework, etc.
One of my favorite concepts is that at some point it doesn't matter if a child is melting down as a public demonstration or because they are incapable of dealing with the situation. Regardless, when a child has frequent meltdowns, it is time for teaching new skills, restructuring and showing compassion rather than time for harsh discipline.
And the examples at the end are very encouraging for exhausted parents with little creativity to devote to solving problems, examples for common tantrum-causing situations like dragging mornings, clean up, homework, etc.
March 23, 2014
This book really hit it on the head with my son's meltdown issues. There were a lot more specific suggestions than I anticipated being included in the book and I have already started implementing a few ideas. I will need to go back and read certain sections again in order to pick up more ideas. I loved how the author used real life anecdotes of real children and their families to illustrate each point. He did an excellent job of citing research (his own or that of others) and presenting it and psychological/medical descriptions in a very approachable and understandable way. A fantastic read for anyone with a child on the spectrum, or with sensory integration issues.
April 18, 2015
Many of the parenting books I have read seem unrealistic in application. Dr. Baker, however, has simply and logically presented what seems like a very reasonable plan in dealing with misbehavior. Emphasizing the importance of consistency, and addressing multiple avenues of recourse, I felt like his approach was something that any parent can implement. Some of the situations ring very true in our home, and I am looking forward to using his process in reducing meltdowns and tantrums in our home.
July 31, 2009
This book was given to me by my son's counselor. It has step-by-step instructions for cooling off a tantrum while it's happening, and then guides you through training your child to not have tantrums. It approaches almost every conceivable situation with individual methods that follow a basic formula.
I have had a few successful situations following this book. I think it has good basics as long as the parent is willing to follow through.
I have had a few successful situations following this book. I think it has good basics as long as the parent is willing to follow through.
July 26, 2015
Recommended for: therapists or parents who like their ABA with a little attachment parenting.
One of the biggest things the families I work with struggle with is separating the "can't" from the "won't". This very short, easily digestible book puts forth no revolutionary ideas, but it does help caregivers, teachers, and professionals identify possible reasons for the "can't," as well as steps to address it.
One of the biggest things the families I work with struggle with is separating the "can't" from the "won't". This very short, easily digestible book puts forth no revolutionary ideas, but it does help caregivers, teachers, and professionals identify possible reasons for the "can't," as well as steps to address it.
June 11, 2015
I was overall disappointed with this book. Most of the "strategies" discussed really seemed vey much like common sense. Pretty much none of the suggestions can be applied to my son who is non verbal autistic. There seems to be a definite lack of any books that focus on helping kids like mine and so I guess I shouldn't have expected this book to be any different. I can't have the kind of conversations with my son that the book refers to in every scenerio and example.
August 2, 2013
Great book on dealing with meltdowns and other behaviors. Fabulous strategies and management techniques. Author also very funny and makes it an enjoyable read. Saw author at conference, incredible speaker. He has been in the field for over 20 yrs. but is very fresh in his approach because he is still in the field and not just doing speaking engagements.
June 30, 2014
I picked up a few new effective strategies, especially the idea of breaking down tasks like trying new foods into smaller components. For the most part, if you've already read a lot about sensory processing disorder and/or ASD, much of this will be familiar.
The book does have a quick, easy format, so it's a good option for adding tools to that meltdown toolbox.
The book does have a quick, easy format, so it's a good option for adding tools to that meltdown toolbox.
August 6, 2014
A worthy read. Provides a great framework for behavior management. I am particularly supportive of the bottom line: de-escalating a meltdown should be in an emergency plan. Once that occurs, it's time to make a change. Has good, real-life examples and an outline for the reader to use when designing his/her own plan.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 50 reviews