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If You Lived Here
At forty-two, Shelley Marino desperately wants a child. Though she and her older husband, Martin, have tried during the course of their marriage, their only hope now is adoption. Martin, who has seen his share of heartbreak, can't reconcile what Shelley wants with what he knows about the world, and as the father of two grown children from a previous marriage, he is not sure he can bear the emotional challenge of fatherhood again. To love is to risk loss and Martin suddenly decides that is a gamble he can't afford to take. The pain of great loss is something that Mai, a woman who emigrated from Vietnam more than twenty years ago, knows all too well. Though Mai has attained all of the accoutrements of the American dream—a healthy business, an SUV, a house of her own—she has not allowed herself to forget the family tragedy that forced her to leave Vietnam. She has distanced herself from her life and from everyone around her—until she meets Shelley. Their budding friendship forces Mai to make a decision that will put her face-to-face with the world she left behind so long ago. And in the course of the journey the two women must make together, Shelley, too, confronts choices that will reverberate for the rest of her life. Lyrical and moving, If You Lived Here takes the reader on a journey as well, from loss to love, and shows how new beginnings can heal old wounds.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2007
26 people are currently reading
460 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 106 reviews
September 1, 2012
Whenever I think about this novel, I think about how after I read it, I gave it to my mom, thinking she would also enjoy it. I was right. Days later my mom called to say, "What a lovely book." While this may not be standard literary criticism vocabulary, it is the one word for me that defines Dana Sachs's writing: lovely. She writes with such quiet authority, in this case about a couple adopting a child from Vietnam. Sachs knows Vietnam well -- she has lived there more than once, written a book on Operation Babylift and even made a film about the country with her sister. But it's not her expertise in this area that makes this book so fulfilling. (That's the icing on the cake.) It's the way she explores culture, longing and love. Anyone could have made this a book about the troubles between the couple choosing to adopt, and while that plays into this story, it is far more intriguing as it pairs Shelley, the woman desperate to adopt a young Vietnamese boy, with her newfound friend Mai (a woman who fled a painful past in Vietnam), who agrees to travel with her back to Vietnam for the adoption. This journey, both emotionally and geographically, provides the satisfying heart of the novel, not to mention much to talk about with your next book club.
April 24, 2010
At first, I found this book difficult to get into. The writing style seemed wordy and it took awhile to get used to the plot being written in present tense. Three chapters in I found myself sucked into Shelley and Xuan Mai's stories.
Shelley is the wife of a mortician. They have been trying to adopt a child from another country.
Xuan Mai is a Vietnamese immigrant who left Vietnam at the end of the 1970s. She fled the country for personal reasons and lives an isolated life.
Though Shelley story is the basis of the book, I found Xuan Mai far more interesting. Her personal history and how she plays off Shelley makes this story work.
This is a pretty good look into the complexities of foreign adoption. It's an emotional, complicated process, which sometimes leaves couples with nothing.
I'm glad I didn't give up on this one. It turned out to be a very well written book.
Shelley is the wife of a mortician. They have been trying to adopt a child from another country.
Xuan Mai is a Vietnamese immigrant who left Vietnam at the end of the 1970s. She fled the country for personal reasons and lives an isolated life.
Though Shelley story is the basis of the book, I found Xuan Mai far more interesting. Her personal history and how she plays off Shelley makes this story work.
This is a pretty good look into the complexities of foreign adoption. It's an emotional, complicated process, which sometimes leaves couples with nothing.
I'm glad I didn't give up on this one. It turned out to be a very well written book.
December 7, 2010
There were some things I really liked about this book and then every once in a while, something about the writing wouldn't ring true. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what bothered me. I really liked Mai's story and cared quite a bit more about her and the resolution of her story than Shelley's. Something about Shelley was just unlikeable to me, as a reader. Still, this book was fairly well-written and it was an interesting perspective on Vietnam and the aftermath of the war.
June 26, 2009
I guess, the thing is, I didn't find the main story line believable, I thought the secondary story line was far more engaging, and I really couldn't determine if the book was about friendship, marriage, adoption, or forgiveness. I don't like having to decide which serious topic isn't being handled well enough to be convincing when I read a novel.
August 31, 2010
The begining of this book almost detured me from reading it. Something about the way they discribed the main charaters job set me on edge. The friend who lent me the book said she felt the same way and to keep reading. Once I got into the book it flowed nicely. I enjoyed the stories of Shelley and Xuan Mai. The things both women gave up showed you how strong they really were. Great book.
January 28, 2011
Never read this author before, and probably won't seek out her other books, though I did generally enjoy this book. The best part of it was the description of life in Vietnam currently, the culture of Vietnam generally and the impact of the war, on both the Vietnamese and the Americans who fought in it. It's basically the story of a friendship between two women, one American and one Vietnamese. The American woman wants to adopt a Vietnamese child and the conflict that causes with her husband. The style of writing I thought was excellent, but the ending too predictable.
May 2, 2008
This book was an interesting insight to an over seas adoption. I was frustrated by one of the main characters selfishness in the book and had a hard time finishing it. Knowing what I do about the heartbreak of not having children, I can't imagine choosing a child over a man who had stood by my side through it all. It was a book to read, just don't expect a lot.
June 8, 2010
Another quick read for summer. I enjoyed the two narrators, the differences in life bridged by a vietnemese adoption, the healing of wounds for two with a past in vietnam, etc. . .
I enjoyed being introduced more to the Vietnemese culture and another aspect of international adoption.
Great story!
I enjoyed being introduced more to the Vietnemese culture and another aspect of international adoption.
Great story!
February 27, 2017
3.5 more likely, I can't choose between 3-4 stars. I loved the story, especially in the second half. However, something about it made it difficult to really get into. Maybe the writing style? Maybe the fact I didn't feel for the protagonist Shelley (or really even like her story [#teammartin])? I'm not sure, but while I liked it, it didn't garner much emotion.
March 20, 2011
Interesting intertwining of characters and their stories, but it didn't keep me riveted. I appreciated the foreign adoption storyline and the complications surrounding it.
June 5, 2018
If You Lived Here is the story of 42 year old Shelley who has always wanted to be a mother but finds her only option is to adopt a Vietnamese boy. The upcoming adoption leads her to a friendship with Mai who fled Vietnam after a personal tragedy but also shatters Shelley’s relationship with her husband who is a Vietnam veteran. Told from the point of view of both Shelley and Mai, the reader really comes to understand both characters well and can feel their pains and joys. I really enjoyed this book not only for an interesting story but for the wonderfully developed characters and descriptions of Vietnam during and after the war.
March 12, 2022
I picked this book from my random-collection pile and so glad I did. An expansive novel about so many things, but in particular it was a lovely trip learning about Vietnamese culture. I’m now salivating over the descriptions of the food. The author captures subtle emotions and behaviors effortlessly.
May 5, 2025
3.5 stars
August 9, 2011
If You Lived Here by Dana Sachs starts out as a story about a woman whose desire to have a child ultimately leads her to Vietnam to adopt a baby boy. Her journey tests her marriage but in the process she gains a new friend. The story is two dimensional. The main plot is about Shelley, and what she endures to have a child of her own. The sub-plot deals with a Vietnamese woman named Xuan Mai, whom Shelley befriends when she learns of the little boy who is available for adoption in Hanoi, Vietnam, which just happens to be Mai’s hometown.
The story is set in Wilmington, Delaware, and then moves to Vietnam. Shelley and her husband are Morticians and own a local funeral home. The story opens with the accidental death of a little boy whose funeral service the couple will handle. We then learn they are about to adopt a Slovakian infant. Shelley does everything she can to learn the culture so that her adoptive daughter will grow-up with a sense of her Slovakian heritage. The mother has second thoughts and the adoption is withdrawn. Soon a Vietnamese baby becomes available and Shelley switches gears. She seeks the wisdom of the local Vietnamese grocer, somewhat forcing herself on the woman who simply wants to be left alone. After all of her efforts, she learns her husband may not be as committed to adding a baby to the family as he has led her to believe. Or, it could be that once Shelley decides she wants something, she doesn’t stop until she gets it, and it doesn’t matter who she hurts in the long run.
This book dragged at a snails pace for the longest time. Sachs did too much reflection, and the moments lasted too long and often seemed irrelevant. The story would be trotting along and then abruptly stop so Shelley could share memories about how she met her husband, their courtship, meeting his sons, etc. These were not quick flashbacks but detailed stories. For example, towards the end of the book Shelley receives a letter from Martin, her husband, and it is 19 pages long.
I must admit, by the time the story picked up I found myself more intrigued with Mai’s storyline than Shelley’s. When Mai agrees to travel to her native land, a place she fled some twenty-three years ago, she is given a second chance with her remaining family, and atones for a past deed that changed their lives. I really loved how Sachs delved into the Vietnamese culture. The way Shelley forced her way into Mai’s life, breaking through the cultural differences, was inspiring. So many times we have preconceived notions about people who migrate to America, and we allow stereotypes to seep in. But when you get down to it, we are really no different. What I loved most about the book was the descriptions of Vietnam and telling of their culture and history.
As I neared the end of the book I was wondering how Sachs was going to bring the story to a close, and then the magical moment happened. Suddenly my frown was replaced with a smile and I felt a jolt of optimism that energized me to the end. All things considered, If You Lived Here is a good book that garners a 3.5 rating.
Much Love,
Tracy
Tracy L. Darity is the author of He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! and Love…Like Snow in Florida on a Hot Summer Day. Her third release, The Red Bear Society is slated for a Fall 2011 release. For more information visit www.TracyLDarity.com.
The story is set in Wilmington, Delaware, and then moves to Vietnam. Shelley and her husband are Morticians and own a local funeral home. The story opens with the accidental death of a little boy whose funeral service the couple will handle. We then learn they are about to adopt a Slovakian infant. Shelley does everything she can to learn the culture so that her adoptive daughter will grow-up with a sense of her Slovakian heritage. The mother has second thoughts and the adoption is withdrawn. Soon a Vietnamese baby becomes available and Shelley switches gears. She seeks the wisdom of the local Vietnamese grocer, somewhat forcing herself on the woman who simply wants to be left alone. After all of her efforts, she learns her husband may not be as committed to adding a baby to the family as he has led her to believe. Or, it could be that once Shelley decides she wants something, she doesn’t stop until she gets it, and it doesn’t matter who she hurts in the long run.
This book dragged at a snails pace for the longest time. Sachs did too much reflection, and the moments lasted too long and often seemed irrelevant. The story would be trotting along and then abruptly stop so Shelley could share memories about how she met her husband, their courtship, meeting his sons, etc. These were not quick flashbacks but detailed stories. For example, towards the end of the book Shelley receives a letter from Martin, her husband, and it is 19 pages long.
I must admit, by the time the story picked up I found myself more intrigued with Mai’s storyline than Shelley’s. When Mai agrees to travel to her native land, a place she fled some twenty-three years ago, she is given a second chance with her remaining family, and atones for a past deed that changed their lives. I really loved how Sachs delved into the Vietnamese culture. The way Shelley forced her way into Mai’s life, breaking through the cultural differences, was inspiring. So many times we have preconceived notions about people who migrate to America, and we allow stereotypes to seep in. But when you get down to it, we are really no different. What I loved most about the book was the descriptions of Vietnam and telling of their culture and history.
As I neared the end of the book I was wondering how Sachs was going to bring the story to a close, and then the magical moment happened. Suddenly my frown was replaced with a smile and I felt a jolt of optimism that energized me to the end. All things considered, If You Lived Here is a good book that garners a 3.5 rating.
Much Love,
Tracy
Tracy L. Darity is the author of He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! and Love…Like Snow in Florida on a Hot Summer Day. Her third release, The Red Bear Society is slated for a Fall 2011 release. For more information visit www.TracyLDarity.com.
Want to read
February 1, 2011From B&N site: At forty-two, Shelley Marino desperately wants a child. Though she and her older husband, Martin, have tried during the course of their marriage, their only hope now is adoption. Martin, who has seen his share of heartbreak, can't reconcile what Shelley wants with what he knows about the world, and as the father of two grown children from a previous marriage, he is not sure he can bear the emotional challenge of fatherhood again. To love is to risk loss and Martin suddenly decides that is a gamble he can't afford to take.
The pain of great loss is something that Mai, a woman who emigrated from Vietnam more than twenty years ago, knows all too well. Though Mai has attained all of the accoutrements of the American dream--a healthy business, an SUV, a house of her own--she has not allowed herself to forget the family tragedy that forced her to leave Vietnam. She has distanced herself from her life and from everyone around her--until she meets Shelley. Their budding friendship forces Mai to make a decision that will put her face-to-face with the world she left behind so long ago. And in the course of the journey the two women must make together, Shelley, too, confronts choices that will reverberate for the rest of her life.
Lyrical and moving, If You Lived Here takes the reader on a journey as well, from loss to love, and shows how new beginnings can heal old wounds.
The pain of great loss is something that Mai, a woman who emigrated from Vietnam more than twenty years ago, knows all too well. Though Mai has attained all of the accoutrements of the American dream--a healthy business, an SUV, a house of her own--she has not allowed herself to forget the family tragedy that forced her to leave Vietnam. She has distanced herself from her life and from everyone around her--until she meets Shelley. Their budding friendship forces Mai to make a decision that will put her face-to-face with the world she left behind so long ago. And in the course of the journey the two women must make together, Shelley, too, confronts choices that will reverberate for the rest of her life.
Lyrical and moving, If You Lived Here takes the reader on a journey as well, from loss to love, and shows how new beginnings can heal old wounds.
June 24, 2013
I've never run across this author before, so I don't have any of her other works to compare this to. However, having said that, I did very much enjoy this story about a later-middle-age couple trying to adopt a child. Shelley, the wife, is considerably younger than her husband, Martin, who has two sons from a previous marriage. By profession, the two are husband and wife morticians (a bit creepy!) and have been trying for years to have a child. After several miscarriages, failed in vitro attempts, and a previous adoption attempt that fell apart at the last minute, Shelley is once again ready to try a foreign adoption - this time a two-year old boy from Vietnam. Martin, meanwhile, has decided that he has had enough and is less than anxious to start rearing a child again with all the associated worries and fears. The marriage becomes strained. Shelley befriends a Vietnamese woman who runs an Asian market nearby in hopes of learning more about the culture in order to prepare for the adoption. Mai fled Vietnam years ago and has unresolved issues about the people left behind. Together, these two women form an unlikely friendship and help each other deal with past, present, and future trials. A very interesting story that peels away the layers of relationships and allows the reader to become integrally attached to the characters.
November 26, 2015
The tile by another name would be "Walk a Mile in My Shoes" as I feel that encompasses the moral of this novel. It details the friendship that forms between an American woman who wants to adopt a Vietnamese boy and a woman who emigrated from Vietnam a long time ago. The main characters all have something blocking them from acknowledging the desires and concerns of their loved ones when making decisions. This leads to the main characters being estranged with their loved ones and all of the novel's problems are resolved at the end, once the 3 main characters learn to think past their own actions. It is not a complicated book.
I mostly agree with what I have read about how others feel about this book. Mai is the most interesting character and I enjoyed her chapters more than Shelley’s, who I found slightly annoying. I do suspect a Vietnamese character with a different history and culture to my own is always going to be more interesting and complex than a character that shares my Western world's background and social concerns, as Shelley does. However, maybe I am being unfair here - Vietnam seems to be a particular interest of Sach’s and from what I can gather, the subject of her first novel as well.
There was enough to keep me reading till the end, however I didn't think it was overly well written.
I mostly agree with what I have read about how others feel about this book. Mai is the most interesting character and I enjoyed her chapters more than Shelley’s, who I found slightly annoying. I do suspect a Vietnamese character with a different history and culture to my own is always going to be more interesting and complex than a character that shares my Western world's background and social concerns, as Shelley does. However, maybe I am being unfair here - Vietnam seems to be a particular interest of Sach’s and from what I can gather, the subject of her first novel as well.
There was enough to keep me reading till the end, however I didn't think it was overly well written.
September 1, 2009
3 1/2 Stars
This was an interesting book with an interesting storyline. One that has been explored before, but never quite like this. It was pretty personal to me and I do not think I would ever read this again (am giving the book away), but I DID enjoy it, even the parts that were tough for me to read and even the parts that made me so angry that I could have screamed!!
Shelley is a 42 year old married woman who cannot have a baby. Something she has always wanted and dreamed about. So, she decided to adopt. Which upsets and dismays her husband beyond what she ever expected.
Mai is from Vietnam. She runs a oriental grocery in Wilmington (where both she and Shelley live). She ran away from Vietnam when she was 19, leaving behind her unspeakable tragedy and spend the rest of her time trying to overcome the pain and sadness from running away.
Somehow, these two very different women me, become fast (though initially reluctant on Mai's part) friends and ultimately help each other change their lives.
May 19, 2011
I’ve never read anything by this author but I did like this book. It did start out sort of slow. At times seemed to even ramble on off of the subject but when you finally understood where the author was going it became interesting to read. An almost predictable story at times. A woman named Shelly, an undertaker, could not get pregnant. She makes a connection with a most unlikely of friends, Mai who is a quiet Vietnamese woman owner of a neighborhood store near Shelly’s funeral home. They find they have a lot more in common than either of them would suspect when Shelly reveals that she is going to adopt a baby from Vietnam, Mai’s home land that she left fleetingly more than 20 yrs ago. As a reader I think that the characters could have been developed a little closer to reality. It lacked a certain degree of depth from some other authors I’ve been reading and I was distracted by the sometimes rambling. It was an ok read.
January 16, 2012
A wonderful book about the struggles parents face when considering adoption - but the book is about so much more. It's about the struggles we all face in marriage, and about our ability to forgive ourselves for past mistakes.
I really enjoyed the author's skill at storytelling, making the characters come alive. I also enjoyed the descriptions of life in Vietnam during the Vietnam war and today. I love learning about other cultures, and that's one reason I really liked this book.
I also liked how the author told the story from the points of view of the two main characters, which added multiple dimensions to the story and make it really interesting.
If you want to learn more about the heartaches and joys of adoption, or about Vietnam, I highly recommend this book. If you just want to read a really great novel, you'll also enjoy it.
I really enjoyed the author's skill at storytelling, making the characters come alive. I also enjoyed the descriptions of life in Vietnam during the Vietnam war and today. I love learning about other cultures, and that's one reason I really liked this book.
I also liked how the author told the story from the points of view of the two main characters, which added multiple dimensions to the story and make it really interesting.
If you want to learn more about the heartaches and joys of adoption, or about Vietnam, I highly recommend this book. If you just want to read a really great novel, you'll also enjoy it.
September 18, 2007
What an unexpected gem this book was! An older couple is trying to adopt a baby in the US, but are disappointed time and again. A chance comes up to adopt a baby boy in Vietnam, but the husband does not want to--he is a Vietnam vet and has bad memories associated with that country. The adoption may be a deal breaker for the marriage. In the meantime, the wife befriends a local store owner, a Vietnamese woman, in order to learn more about the country and customs of her future son's country. Together, the two women travel to Vietnam to see the boy. I gave this book to a friend who just spent a semester in Vietnam and she loved it, said it was an accurate description of the country and people.
November 10, 2009
This novel alternates between two narrators. Shelley is a 42-year-old woman desperate to have a child who is seeking to adopt a little boy from Vietnam, placing great strain on her relationship with her husband, Martin, who is a Vietnam War veteran. Mai came to the United States from Vietnam as a young woman, fleeing tragedy, and she runs an Asian market in Shelley's hometown in North Carolina. The two women become friends and undertake a trip to Vietnam that ends up being life altering for both of them. I really liked this book. The characters are likeable and easy to relate to, and the story is engaging as it explores the themes of family, forgiveness, and healing from a difficult past. And of course, it made me want to travel in Vietnam!
May 24, 2012
Shelley and Martin have been trying to have kids for years and after a miscarriage decide to adopt. When they receive the green light to adopt a boy from Vietnam, Martin backs out sending their marriage in a downward spiral. If You Lived Here is a slow-moving, character-driven novel that centers around past tragedies and their impact in the present and the strife and process of foreign adoption. I would recommend this book to those who are drawn to character-driven books that feature characters who face personal tragedy and find healing and redemption. I would also recommend it to those who are looking for more adoption fiction.
June 10, 2014
I thoroughly enjoyed this novel and did not even mind the flip-flopping narrative viewpoints, which normally annoys me. I understood the narrator's desire for a child; however...it was entirely, entirely unbelievable that her husband, for so many years, experienced what hundreds of thousands experienced in Vietnam and did not discuss it. Further, he refused to help her in the process and then, all of a sudden, everything ties up nicely in the end. I felt as if the novel would have been stronger and more believable had the narrator gone separate ways with her selfish husband and raised Haiho herself.
May 29, 2008
I learned a lot about North Vietnam and what it was like for people who lived there during the war. An American citizen/immigrant revisits her life there as she is befriended by an American woman adopting a baby from Viet Nam. There are themes of family love, forgiveness and healing from the past. I picked this up as an "airplane" book, but ended up not just engaged in the story, but also impressed by the author's sympathy for the characters and ability to express feelings that rang true. I might try another of her books.
September 28, 2008
This was a really wonderful book and one that I didn't want to end. Told from two different narrators, Shelley and Xuan Mai, it tells the story of two women whose lives intersect as one, desperate to become a mother, prepares to meet her adoptive son in Vietnam, and the other painfully begins the process of seeking forgivness from the family and homeland she fled after the War. The obstacles, pain and ultimate triumphs these women endure carry the reader along on a wonderful journey across time and place.
August 4, 2012
Good story, engaging characters, engaging relationships. Written in alternating voices between Shelly and her new friend, Mai. Shelly and her husband, Martin, are business partners in the funeral business. He has 2 grown sons from a prior marriage. She wants a child and decides to adopt a Vietnamese orphan. He wants no part of it due to post-traumatic stress syndrome from the war in Vietnam. Mai has come to live in the U.S. after the war to escape guilt from a tragic accident that killed her niece. Very well written.
December 5, 2012
This book tells the story of two women who become fast friends. One is red-haired mortician - Shelley - the other is a Vietnamese store owner - Mia. Each is dealing with difficult issues. Shelley wants to adopt but roadblocks keep appearing, including from her husband. Mia, who left Vietnam as a teenager, is filled with guilt and loss from her last day in Vietnam. They become fast friends and travel together to Vietnam to pick up the boy Shelley's is to adopt. As expected, thing do not go as hoped.
The book is an easy read and the stories interesting.
The book is an easy read and the stories interesting.
January 11, 2013
I really enjoyed this book and was sorry to see it end. The book follows the stories of two women, Shelly and Mai, and the different circumstances that eventually bring them to Vietnam together. While I initially felt more connected to Shelly, it was Mai's journey that kept me captivated. It may not end up in the list of my favorites, but I found I wanted to keep reading and see where their journeys took them. Enjoyed the imagery and a glimpse into the culture of Vietnam, both during the war and the changes to the country in the years after.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 106 reviews