Water To Wine: Some of My Story

by Brian Zahnd

Why would the pastor of a large and successful church risk everything in a quest to find a richer, deeper, fuller Christianity? In Water To Wine Brian Zahnd tells his story of disenchantment with pop Christianity and his search for a more substantive faith.

“I was halfway to ninety—midway through life—and I had reached a full-blown crisis. Call it garden variety mid-life crisis if you want, but it was something more. You might say it was a theological crisis, though that makes it sound too cerebral. The unease I felt came from a deeper place than a mental file labeled “theology.” I was wrestling with the uneasy feeling that the faith I had built my life around was somehow deficient. Not wrong, but lacking. It seemed watery, weak. In my most honest moments I couldn’t help but notice that the faith I knew seemed to lack the kind of robust authenticity that made Jesus so fascinating. And I had always been utterly fascinated by Jesus. What I knew was that the Jesus I believed in warranted a better Christianity than what I was familiar with. I was in Cana and the wine had run out. I needed Jesus to perform a miracle.” –Water To Wine

Genres: Faith, Christianity, Christian, Memoir, Religion, Spirituality, Theology

205 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 11, 2016

About the author

Brian Zahnd is the founder and lead pastor of Word of Life Church in St. Joseph, Missouri. As the lead pastor, he is the primary preacher during our weekend services, and he oversees the direction of the church. Pastor Brian is a passionate reader of theology and philosophy, an avid hiker and mountain climber, and authority on all things Bob Dylan.

He and his wife, Peri, have three adult sons and five grandchildren. He is the author of several books, including Unconditional?, Beauty Will Save the World, A Farewell To Mars, and Water To Wine.

Reviews

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Zahnd's book A Farewell to Mars on Christian nonviolence was a great read, both well-written and challenging. This offering by Zahnd is more of a memoir, as he speaks of how his life and faith deeply changed in 2004. At this time he began to see shallowness in the charismatic/evangelical Christian world he had always been a part of. Zahnd began to encounter the depth and beauty of the Christian tradition, reading everything from the Church Fathers to medieval mystics to contemporary authors who had never come across his desk before. Through all of this, his faith went from weak water to beautiful wine. It was not easy though, as he faced challenges from his church as their pastor changed dramatically.

I resonated with so much of what Zahnd wrote, though any shifts or changes I have had were not nearly so dramatic. Many of the authors, living and dead, he refers to are ones I have read and been challenged by. At the same time, Zahnd's story at times comes across a bit strange for someone not steeped in the world of charismatic Christianity. He writes of vivid dreams he has had and how they moved him. I can't remember my dreams the next day and his three are burned in his memory. He has also traveled a lot, before and after 2004, which influences him and makes me jealous!

Overall though, this is a great book. Any Christian who is wondering if faith is shallow and too intertwined with consumerism or politics would benefit from this book.

[Lori · Rating 2 out of 5]

For this book to be a life-changer, I'd have to swallow a few too many statements that the author wants me to accept out of hand. However, that does not mean this book was completely without merit.

I wholeheartedly agree with the author's belief that the Church in America has bought into a consumerized version of Christianity and that it needs to return to strong theological roots. I found that chapter 4, in particular, resonated with me. The principles I gleaned from it alone are worth the price of the book.

After the 4th chapter, I had a lot harder time with the book. It was rambling and sometimes came off as smug. Some of the applications he made from Scripture seemed to be a reach. I'd have to do some more study to be convinced. For its descriptive telling of one man's spiritual awakening, I can appreciate this book. I learned (or was reminded of) a few timely things. But for the ways Zahnd seemed to want the out-working of his journey to be prescriptive for the rest of us, I have a harder time buying in.

[Benjamin Shurance · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate many of this book's points and resonate a lot with the spirituality of Zahnd. His critique of U.S. evangelicalism is warranted and his signposts for renewal are helpful.

Still, the book is not particularly strong for the following reasons:
-unnecessary poetry, usually of not great quality
-very personalistic in its approach (most chapters are structured around his dreams/insights/experiences)
-he name drops a bit much (all guys whom I respect, but still felt cumbersome)

Reading the book in the two-thirds world, I couldn't help but marvel at his travel budget, which seemingly includes regular excursions in the Rockies and frequent trips to Europe and the Middle East. How easily is the vintage, majestic faith he speaks of accessible to the majority of evangelicals living around the world? (Granted, the book's audience is U.S. evangelicals.)

[Ansley Gerhard-Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve always enjoyed Brian Zahnd’s commentary from Twitter but this was the first book of his that I finished. It was excellent. At 45, he realizes that the Christianity he had dedicated his life to as a pastor, is deeply lacking. He was caught in the Evangelical charismatic Christianity movement, peddling what he now calls cotton candy theology. Finding himself deeply unsatisfied, he starts to dig in into the writing of the early Church Fathers and Mothers, particularly the mystics. Through this journey he discovers a much richer Christianity that is nothing like the tribalistic us against them self help pop theology that is so prevalent in American Christianity. He discovers the liturgy and the practice of contemplative prayer. Water to Wine is a memoir but it’s also a call to move beyond elementary theology to a richer and robust understanding of the Divine.

[David S Harvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

If your tradition feels a little shallow but you don’t want to give up on Jesus…

Zahnd offers a helpful, autobiographical guide to those who feel like they’ve been swimming in the learners pool for too long. Championing an intelligent yet mystical faith W2W invites you into the deep end. With thoughts that are inspired by as diverse sources as Augustine and Foo Fighters, Zahnd explores what faith beyond the narrow confines of American popular Christianity.

For those who believe there is more to Jesus than they are currently experiencing, this book guides you on how to find him without having to make up your own faith - rather an invitation to something better, a deep mature journey with Jesus and the church.

[Jeroen Koornstra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Brian Zahnd has written better books, like 'Unconditional?'
I like his boldness to go against the flow and how he takes a stand against the typical American way of life and Amercanized gospel. He has a point, something has to change.
He is a poet and a master in giving words to his thoughts. Ofcourse this book is his journey, so it is as it is. But I wonder where Zahnd will be in ten years from now. I doubt if the answer is in the mystical approach he now holds.
Paul was not mystical, instead he revealed which was a mystery for the prophets. Charismatic aspects were part of his life and teachings. I respect Zahnd and have been blessed by sermons and books, but the road he is now walking is not mine.

[Lisa Lewton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this because I’m attending an upcoming event with Zahnd as a main speaker. This read more like an unedited journal than a work of literature. I did a lot of skimming through the long long paragraphs. I might not be the right audience for him, but someone else would be. Someone else slugging off the heavy coat of fundamentalism would probably find this book enlightening and freeing. This book is a good contribution to people finding their way in particular journeys of faith.

[Aaron Day · Rating 2 out of 5]

Zahnd's memoir is well-written. It does not feel like he is having therapy with his readers. However, his theological conclusions and desires for the American church are based upon classic liberalism as well as misreadings of the theologians of the early church. Zahnd is someone for whom I continue to pray.

[Tristan Sherwin · Rating 5 out of 5]

For those of us who feel restless with our faith, for those of us who feel that modern Christianity can often be too shallow, fundamentalist and obsessed with material progress, then this book is for you.

*Water To Wine* traces Brian Zahnd's personal journey from drinking and dispensing 'grape juice' Christianity, to being awakened and intoxicated by the vintage wine of the Christian faith.

Brian's words are a prophetic challenge and call to certain segments of the western church to let go of it's immaturity, consumerism and marriage to modern civil religion, and to once more rediscover and journey on the ancient pilgrim trail formed by those who traveled in the centuries before us. This is a summons to be re-acquainted with our rich heritage; to follow the road-markings of sacrament, creed and prayer; to seek a discipleship which is historically communal and cross-culturally diverse. This is an invitation to lose ourselves in the way of Jesus.

Zahnd's previous works (*Beauty Will Save the World* and *A Farewell To Mars*) have all been encouraging and inspirational, giving a resonance to my own wandering over the last seven years. And *Water To Wine* follows suit in a beautiful and humble way.

This is great piece of spiritual writing. A road-map to authentic religious experience. And a book all Christians should read.

---Tristan Sherwin, author of *Love: Expressed*

[Stephen Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just simply see so much of my story reflected in Brian’s

There’s probably no more confusing journey than losing your fundamentalist American, consumer evangelicalism, and no more valuable thing than finding in the rubble, a much more vibrant, stronger, deeper, cumulative faith, from a deep, deep well.

Jesus let me follow you up the mountain, and down the valley.

Walk with me, talk with me, be with me.

[sir chester snickerdoodle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the book that enlightened me and helped break me out of the straight jacket of religious fundamentalism. This was as much a watershed experience for me as it was for Zahnd speaking of his journey. With few exceptions, Americanized “christianity” is a gawdy, ostentatious golden chalice overflowing with green sewer water. The historical, eastern, vintage way of Jesus (the sermon on the mount) on the other hand is the fine spiritual wine that will bring glimpses of heaven down to earth, that will change the world, and in the process, transform the galaxy within our souls.

It helped liberate me from being an evangelical to learning how to live a sermon on the mount lifestyle.

[David Olinger · Rating 5 out of 5]

“when I was converted from sectarian to eclectic, I obtained a passport that allowed me to travel freely throughout the whole body of Christ. In my theological travels I have discovered a Christianity that has both historical depth and ecumenical width” - BZ

Outstanding. I pivotal book for me at a pivotal time in my life.

[Eli Fields · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most refreshing, validating, encouraging, and challenging books I've ever read. Zahnd captures the heart of all those who have grown tired of watered down Christianity and offers a way to a deeper faith.

[Corbin White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Been really enjoying memoirs here recently. brian's was a fun one. Enjoyed hearing more of the backstory that led him to theologically shift in the early 2000's.

[Jodi Koepke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought-provoking

This book was recommended to me and I am grateful. It put into words some of the journey I have felt myself on. My soul resonated with much of it. Other parts have challenged me to think and process slowly with God.

[Blake Wiggins · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5 stars

As with all of Brian Zahnd's books, this is profound, beautiful, and challenging. I found so much of it to be a refreshing perspective from someone who has traveled many of the differing Christian roads and landed somewhere in between them all. The poetry throughout was breathtaking.

[Levi Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Water to Wine is the narration of Brian Zahnd's journey from a watered down Gospel to a deeper walk with Jesus. I resonated with the book because it mirrored so much of my own journey from fundamentalism to a sacramental understanding of life and ministry. The book was a quick read but it was full of depth as well. Zahnd points out the myriad ways that American Christianity has been co-opted by the culture and twisted it to something that it was never intended to be. He then calls Christians to retrace the steps of historic Christianity and to discover again the rich wine of Jesus.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Water to Wine is the story of a successful mega-church pastor in middle America coming to know Christ in the way of a peace-loving, Kingdom of God seeking, contemplative Christian. And what a wonderful story it is! Who would have thought that the further and ongoing spiritual formation of a dynamic young Christian minister could yield even more fruit in ministry and more joy in serving God. It's true and it could happen to you!

[Stephen London · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a marvelous book. So beautiful. I love his vision of what it means to be a follower of Jesus. I will probably just read it again right away.

[Nick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this one! Easy to read and resonated with me. I'll have to write a fuller review later when I'm not on vacation.

[Glen Grunau · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a remarkable book. It is about one pastor who went through a revolutionary, cataclysmic paradigm shifting midlife experience that changed his entire trajectory from a loyal die-hard Pentecostal,  prosperity gospel preaching, Christian “Right” minister, to  a student of the mystics, a true contemplative. 

Perhaps just as miraculous as this complete transformation of heart and mind was the fact that he remains as lead pastor in the same church he started when he was 17 years old, despite the inevitable criticism and rejection of the many fundamentalist leaning members of his congregation.  He has also become our pastor in the sense that Karen and I now rely on him to feed us each Sunday morning on YouTube where his Sunday morning teaching is posted within minutes of its completion in the eastern time zone. 

What makes this book especially dear to me is how much I share in common with Brian when I compare some of the instrumental forces and directions in my own awakening. Besides being exactly the same age, we can both testify to the instrumental role that Dallas Willard’s book The Divine Conspiracy served in our awakening. As he listed many of the mystical guides that led him through his transformation, many of these have also guided me:  the likes of Soren Kierkegaard, George McDonald, Simone Weil, Thomas Merton, Rene Girard, Frederick Buechner, Wendell Berry, Walter Brueggeman, Richard Rohr, N. T. Wright . . . 

Brian also marks musicians among his guides. He has a summer tradition of preaching a sermon series on meaningful songs that have shaped him.  We watched this series this summer. He called it “Finding God on Your Turntable”.  At the conclusion of his book he includes his “Water to Wine” playlist, which includes songs by Bob Dylan, John Lennon, U2, and Pink Floyd, among others. I was pleased to see that he included on his playlist two songs from my favourite musician, who I include among the mystical guides on my journey - Bruce Cockburn.

I have been thrilled to discover in Brian‘s teaching and in this book so many of the distinctive beliefs that now characterize my own theology and view of Christ and his kingdom, but beliefs that sadly would be treated with suspicion, if not outright rejected, in the conservative evangelical church we attended for the past 25 years.

If I were to identify one primary shift in my theology and worldview that marks my own paradigm shift, it would be my altered understanding of what Jesus represented in both love and judgment.   It would appear that Brian would likely say the same thing.  He says:

"Could I have spoken so boldly about the supremacy of love prior to 2004? I don’t think so. I hadn’t yet met the mystics. I hadn’t yet learned how to read the Bible contemplatively. I had too much invested in proving that my tribe had all the right answers. I would have to go on a journey before I could arrive at the place where I really understood that the greatest of all is love. But by August 2004 I was beginning that journey. That was the month Dallas Willard showed me the divine conspiracy. That was the month I packed my bags and left consumer Christianity behind . . .  The sad lesson I learned is that within Christian cultures that have confused faith with certitude, it’s almost impossible for leaders to make any significant change, which means there is little or no freedom to really grow". 

[Nicholas Perez · Rating 3 out of 5]

I met Brian Zahnd once. I was part of a cohort through Pepperdine University, and he was invited to present his School of Prayer curriculum as part of the pre-lectureship program (every year Pepperdine hosts Harbor Lectures in May). I was deeply impressed by his approach to prayer which included both form prayers and freeform prayers. If you've not had opportunity to go through Zahnd's School of Prayer, see if you can find a way to do that. At any rate, when I met him on the beach with the Pacific Ocean roaring nearby I asked him to sign my copy of his book.

As a speaker, Zahnd is engaging; I don't remember being distracted at all during his presentation, and I still remember some of the beats from his presentation. As a writer, Zahnd comes across as superfluous. He tends to be overly wordy, marked by ornamental excess. For example, the first sentence of the book: "I was halfway to ninety - midway through life - and I had reached a full-blown crisis" (1). I suppose this is more creative than saying, "I have a mid-life crisis at forty-five." But it seems superfluous. Granted, that may be what Zahnd is going for in his style: taking the scenic route, which is fine, but I found the way more winding than necessary.

This is an autobiography so Zahnd is the main character. It is, after all, "Some of My Story" as the subtitle reads. So either you'll love it or not. I found chapter 4 especially beneficial where he walks you through his morning liturgy. That section is rich and worth the price of admission. I've used that liturgy personally for years. Rich time spent with God.

The rest of the book is a mixed bag for me. Some of it is interesting. Other parts I struggled to finish (not a big hiker, so the chapter about hiking...). It took me years to finally finish it. I'm glad I did.

[Jacob Wachtel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a breath of fresh air to me.

Not because I agree with it all... But that isn't even the point. It's the author's journey from "Cotton-Candy Christianity" as he calls it, to something more substantial and deep. How do I disagree with his journey?

It's his!

I might disagree with what he believes, but his journey is very personal, and it has led to a deeper relationship and understanding of Jesus. How do you honestly critique that?

Unless you just disagree those things happen...

Anyways, we need more "journey" type stories. They breath fresh air into us, and they help us imagine what is possible. It is like guides who've gone before us. Our journey will not look like theirs, but elements can be appropriated.

And I resonate with the basic heart cry. There's got to be something more... And it caused me to write a little entry as a result of this book, about my own journey over the last 15 years. And his journey helped to put words to my own in ways I didn't know how to articulate.

As Beuchner writes, "My story is important not because it is mine, God knows, but because if I tell it anything like right, the chances are you will recognize that in many ways it is also yours… it is precisely through these stories in all their particularity, as I have long believed and often said, that God makes himself known to each of us more powerfully and personally. If this is true, it means that to lose track of our stories is to be profoundly impoverished not only humanly but also spiritually."

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

The excellent memoir (and then some) of a fundamentalist charismatic evangelical American pastor who discovered a deeper Christian faith grounded in the depth and breadth of a tradition of thought and practice that spreads out left and right in our current era, and backwards through history to the foundations of Christianity - the full wealth of orthodoxy.

I had already heard most of the first third of the book via listening to conference talks given by Zahnd, and I'm pretty familiar with him, so I knew that the book was going to be good, but it is very good. Storytelling and teaching interweave beautifully, with a few too many references to Bob Dylan - but I'll forgive him that.

And now for a provocative quote:

"I want you to find the beautiful faith that lies beyond the cruel confines of fundamentalist fears and political agendas. I want you to find the generous orthodoxy that transcends tribalism. I want you to find the sacred mystery that is far deeper than shallow certitude. I want to say, 'Come with me, come to Cana, come to where Jesus turns water into wine.'"

[Evan · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The Orthodox give us the Christ of Glory. The Orthodox have their beautiful icons and a high Christology. The Catholics give us the Suffering Christ, which is why the crucifix is so prominent in Catholicism. The Anglicans give us Christ the Teacher—so many of our best theologians either come from the Anglicans or eventually find their home there. Protestants give us the Reforming Christ, the Jesus who challenges the Pharisees and cleanses the Temple. Evangelicals give us the Personal Jesus, the Jesus who calls his disciples by name and talks to Nicodemus about being born again. Pentecostals give us the miracle-working Jesus, who heals the sick and casts out demons." (Zahnd)
The content here is deep and engaging. So much of what Zahnd writes about his journey resonates with me and my own journey.
No fifth star from me because of my own stylistic bias. A book deals with deep contemplative faith shouldn't be written in the same style of prose as the "trite little tomes of pop Christianity" it seeks to distance itself from. :)

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good book.
BZ is one of very favorite Christian thinkers/authors/preachers right now.
He beautifully words many things that I am experiencing and thinking and also helps me see things in new lights too.
I have seen on his Facebook his prayer school and now I know the things that are taught - lots of liturgy and scripture. I bought a book of Common prayer. There were several things in my life (this book, a novel and podcast) that all talked about the importance of praying the important words believers have been praying for millennium.
Fortunately I was not raised in a toxic or overly propensity-based church, so I didn't have a lot that I need to rethink (BZ did a post about the term deconstruction, he likes restoration better). But all of us in America have learned individualistic, consumer driven, ok with violence, cultural Christianity. Voices like this one to call us back to Christ are so important.
If I had any complaints, it would be that he uses trite phrases to describe what he was turning away from.
I'm glad I own it and it is one I will return to.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Jesus was never in question, but Christianity American style was. This was not a crisis of faith. I believed in Jesus! What I knew was that the Jesus I believed in warranted a better Christianity than I was familiar with."

I saw so much of myself in these pages and in his story and so I devoured it like a conversation with a good friend where you're saying "What? You too? I thought I was the only one!"

It's a hopeful memoir with practical steps on how to embrace Jesus and sift out what the American evangelical church has made of him.

Lest you think that's divisive, I think you will find where he arrived in his journey as a wide and welcoming place appreciative and respectful of all that others bring to the table.

So good, please read!

[Ronald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Changed Me —

If you take your Christian faith seriously but find yourself desiring more fulfillment, this book shows you a path. It is a path the author walked when halfway through his life. He found the tepid “water” that he was preaching every Sunday needed to be transformed into potent “wine”, just as Jesus did so many years ago in Cana. But this transformation was not an easy path. It is a path I pray to follow as well. This book is intriguing and, in places, deep. But I suspect it will change your perception of true Christian faith as it did mine.

[Lori Neff · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a little while to get into this book, then I'd be unable to put it down... then stall out again. I was taken by several parts that made the entire book worthwhile for me. I also ordered a few books based on how often he quoted them... and I see that I need to listen to Bob Dylan more. :)
It gave me a renewed vision for contemplation, the Eucharist, and intentionality.
I'd recommend this book for the final chapter alone - it was wonderful.

[Robert Grisham · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was another one of those right time, right place kinds of books. I was on amazon looking at something, and this book was on the "you might like this book also" line. I clicked on it and saw that it was available on kindle unlimited, and since I had that for another 6 weeks I picked it up. I read it in a few days. It was so timely. I especially enjoyed his chapter on fixed hour prayer, and I've been practicing his prayer liturgy most days during the last few weeks.