You Can't Go Home Again

by Michael Murphy

In work and in love, life has taught seasoned police officer Jack that closeness only leads to pain. But Jack is wracked with guilt when his rookie partner Kevin is shot during an undercover assignment and dies in his arms. Why didn’t he take the time to get to know the rookie a little? At the funeral, Jack takes a liking to Kevin’s brother, Devin. But Jack knows making a connection can cause more hurt, and living on opposite coasts is an added obstacle. With his brother dead, Devin feels a responsibility to Kevin's pregnant widow, Marie. He packs up and moves east, only to have Marie, outraged that he’s put his life on hold, slam the door in his face. Devin turns to the only other person he knows in town. As much as it goes against his philosophies on life, Jack takes him in without hesitation. Their tentative exploration into romance is interrupted when Devin is mistaken for his dead brother and taken captive. Just as Jack opens his heart, reality slams into him. But he can’t lose anyone else. More than the need to simply save a captive drives Jack to find Devin and bring him home.

Genres: M M Romance, Contemporary, Mystery, M M Contemporary

200 pages, Paperback

First published July 17, 2014

About the author

Who am I? One of these days I need to decided what I want to be when I grow up.

I am a middle-aged man, born in the far reaches of upstate New York - parts that give the word "rural" meaning. Now I live in Washington, DC.

When one of those milestone birthdays hit me and scared the crap out of me, I realized there were more years behind me than there were in front of me. My mortality hit me like someone dropping a load of bricks on me.

With that realization, I constructed a bucket list of things I absolutely had to do in the years (hopefully many) that I have left. Writing a book was one of them and was near the top.

My biggest influences when growing up were my two grandmothers. Both were ferociously strong women who were widowed way too young and had to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives and try to put them back together again. And they did! They were incredible women and I adored them both.

These women loved to read and to tell stories, so it just always seemed a natural thing for me to want to do the same. One Christmas when I had a break from work for a few days I had an idea - just a simple single flash of an idea. I sat down at my computer and typed out the one sentence idea. And then I thought for a moment. And then I started typing again - and like magic this story started to pour out of me. I was amazed, in awe, floored by what was happening.

It was like the characters were coming to life and telling their story and I was just tagging along for the ride. I typed as fast as my fingers would fly across the keys (one of the 17 jobs I had while I was going to college was typist, so I'm a pretty fast typist). I couldn't wait to see what happened next. It was the most amazing experience I think I've ever had. Okay, maybe not THE most amazing, but it ranks right up there near the top.

My boyfriend finally came to me a couple of days into this,sat down, looked so serious, and asked, "Are you mad at me?" I assured him that no, I was not mad; I had just been kidnapped by my two characters who refused to let me go. He sort of believed me. When I handed him a printout of the entire book he really believed me, although he wasn't all that thrilled about the book. What can I say, he is a biomedical scientist who primarily reads non-fiction. The fact that I got him to read any fiction was a huge step.

I sent my finished book to Dreamspinner Press. Much to my shock and surprise they accepted it. Out of the hundreds of unsolicited manuscripts that they receive every year they only accept a tiny fraction from new, unknown authors - and I was part of that tiny fraction.

When I got the news I was riding on the subway to work one morning. I screamed and hugged the man sitting next to me - I don't have a clue who he was and I'm sure I scared the crap out of him, even though I tried to explain why I was so happy. When I got to work, a co-worker joined me in doing a happy dance.

Once I started writing the spirit of my departed grandmothers started taking over and story after story started to come out. Dreamspinner and Harmony Ink Press have published a total of eight books so far, with the next one due out in a few weeks. Three additional books are under contract, scheduled to appear in the months ahead.

When I'm not writing, I'm editing and proofing, proofing and editing. When not doing that I work for a small organization in downtown DC located a few hundred yards from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. My work is primarily IT project management which can be thrilling and at other times drive me to distraction.

All in all, I'd rather be writing. If people keep buying my books in the same way they have I might actually be able to consider that as an option. Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please!

Reviews

[Natalie H · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. I’ll be honest I wasn’t expecting much from this one. I saw the names Kevin and Devin, then assumed lazy naming. The blurb does give spoilers away but I found the story itself to be bittersweet. I felt sorry for Jack and I liked how he didn’t walk away but became good friends with Marie. I liked how outspoken Devin was and how easy his and Jack’s friendship was. For a good part of the book it’s about the funeral and those left behind. I expected the kidnapping as soon as Devin turned up. I sort of expected the evil mother too but I thought she’d go the legal route. I really liked the support for Marie and the little family they make. One I’d read again.

[Susan65 · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Blogger Girls

The story literally starts out with a bang and was all action. That, I loved. Jack and his new partner, Kevin, are heading into a dangerous situation and almost immediately their covers are blown with Jack left holding his dying partner on his lap. It was very fast paced, very sad, and grabbed me in immediately. I couldn’t wait to see where it was going.

The romance is between Jack and Devin, Kevin’s identical twin brother. They meet at Kevin’s funeral, and Jack is left reeling trying to separate his dead partner from his twin brother. I can’t even imagine what that is like. The one major disadvantage of having an identical twin, I guess.

You also get to meet the prominent secondary characters. One being Marie, Kevin’s widow, and the other being Devin and Kevin’s evil mother. Both female characters were off the wall; one was a badass, foul mouthed cop, like her deceased husband, the other was the homophobic mother who has lost her damned mind.

On the one hand, I really loved a lot about this story, but some of the other parts drove me nuts. The premise, the characterization, the world building, and the twists and turns made for a great story. The issue I had was the excessive details and wordiness. I prefer lots and lots of action and dialogue (and it started out that way), but it tended to bog down a bit in the middle. I understand setting the stage, but I ended up setting this one down for a while and coming back to it later. I’m glad I did, because it really is a great story once you get into the writing style.

I loved the action at the beginning and the end. The middle, dealing with the pregnant sister-in-law/dead partner’s wife was really annoying. It was probably because I really didn’t like her, and I really don’t like when strong female characters take over my gay romance books. I can’t stand bossy people in real life nor in books, and she was just an ungrateful know-it-all for most of the book. She changed a little bit at the end, but by then, I was done with her and wanted her to move on.

The slow-burn romance between Devin and Jack was really sweet, but it moved way too slow for both me and Devin. I completely get that Jack had to separate his dead partner from his twin brother, that makes complete sense, but come on!!! I wanted a little loving-action, and there is very little in this book.

Excellent premise, plot, and characterization. A little wordy in places, but once it started moving, it moved fast. A highly recommended read for those who like slow-burn romances. This is a story that I would also recommend to my fellow reviewer, Nikyta, because she loves her books with little to no sex, and she would love this one.

[Kelly (Maybedog) · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars rounded up

I have about twenty reviews to write today so I'm just going to paste my notes here. Maybe I'll turn them into an actual review at some point.

The biggest problem with this book is that it's about twice as long as it needed to be. The descriptions and detail are just ridiculous. The author says the same thing over and over again. it's very repetitious. I was constantly being told what things looked like. I didn't like him going on and on. It was annoying how repetitive it was. The length just wasn't necessary to get the point. I didn't need to be told the same thing several times in different ways. I got the point the first time something was said. "By repeating his words, he was informing..." We're not stupid. Doesn't just tell, he beats you over the head with it.

Do you get my point?

In case you didn't:

As he got ready to head to the station, Jack mentally prepped for the gauntlet he expected to have to run before the day was finished. If there was anything good in what had happened the previous day, it was that at least this stage of things would follow a known pattern. He knew the people questioning him would not be people he knew, which was good. Protocol was that the investigating officers should be from another jurisdiction and not known to any of the parties involved. Every effort was typically made to provide an impartial panel of experts who were in no way biased one way or the other before they even started to collect information. They would be methodical if they were good.

And that was precisely the way things unfolded. The two who were present to question Jack were sympathetic, knowing he had lost his partner in the operation that had gone bad. But they did not hold back from asking him questions about every phase of the operation.

And really, that's a very mild example. There were also sentences like, "He wanted to make something that he could easily reheat when someone wanted something to eat." As opposed to reheating it so you could throw it away, or model it into animal figurines.

Another example:

“Good morning. My name is Devin Reed, and I’m here to say farewell to my kid brother, Kevin. No sibling ever wants to do something like this, but I can tell you that doing this for an identical twin brother is harder than anything I’ve ever tried to do in my entire life. But Kevin wanted me to do this, so I will, since I would do anything for that guy.

I started laughing read that paragraph, especially the last sentence. It still makes me laugh.

Three long paragraphs on why the kid was called the kid was overkill when the last sentence said it all: "So the kid was a kid because he was a newcomer to the police force."

Description of the funeral procession is four pages long. The emotion is done well, the way the people handle their grief etc. but I'm losing interest because we're on page 50 and no sign of love interest yet. Looks like he appears on page 58 of my e-reader which always underestimates pages. It was probably more like page 70.

Biking is harder on the knees than walking.

They only need as many cops as will cover the length of the procession and a a couple more. When the procession passes the last cops, they ride up to the head of the line until the procession passes them again.

Jacks an idiot for not realizing Devin was the Kid's twin. Not a very good detective.

I already know they put the stroller together. Why his he telling me again? Was this a serial first or something?

What is it with gay romance writers?? 32 is not old! It's not even middle aged! 14 years if adulthood out of 58? Or even 32 out of 76 isn't even half way! It's so effing insulting. Don't these writers know the largest segment of their audience is (truly) middle aged women? What healthy 32 year old thinks of himself as old?

Random jumps into someone else's POV for just a paragraph or two or even just a sentence.

Marie's reaction to Devin's arrival made perfect sense. Jack's reaction to his proposition not so much.

(fairly big spoiler but most is given away in the blurb)Why was mom looking for him to find out about the pregnancy if she only found out about pregnancy after she found him?

What can't a pregnant woman do around the house that she could before? She's not supposed to be out of bed the week of the due date? She's not an invalid. Women in many other countries, hell, even this one, work up until the moment they go into contractions.

Why are three people required to get her in and out of a car? She's not that big. She was healthy enough to be a cop.

Funny moment regarding the pregnancy: (not really a spoiler) Jack asked a nurse how long it was going to take:

“Yes, multiple days. Now that’s not typical, but for a first child, I’d expect labor to last at least eight hours and up to eighteen hours. Somewhere in the eight-to-twelve-hour range is fairly typical for a first delivery.”

“Good Lord!” Jack said. “That’s horrible. Why hasn’t someone fixed that?”

“I’ll be sure to write it up and have someone get right on it,” the nurse told him, somehow maintaining a straight face.

)This climax part was just silly: (bigger spoiler)
There are protocols for when someone takes a baby. You can't get a baby out of a hospital nursery without someone noticing. They have a special hospital code for when it happens.

Peril was way too short.

Emotion was excellent. It's what the author excels at.

No sex. :(

Banter is cute and funny.

Jack is a nickname. I hate it when people name their babies after someone's nickname.

Very sweet with no plot really.

3.5 stars despite my ranting. If this had gone through a good editor, it would have been a great book so I'm rounding up.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. I will admit that I was a little bugged...cause it is so sad at the beginning! But it cheers up and ends up pretty funny!

[Jenn (not Lily) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.25 stars
Some good, some not so good. Quite a bit of repetitive writing, hence the 3.25 rounded down instead of a 3.75 rounded up. I'm glad I read it, but I won't be jumping to read this author again.

[The Novel Approach · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

A dead partner killed before his very own eyes. A widow who discovers she is pregnant. A twin brother who is more forgiving than he should be. All these things surround Jack and change his life irrevocably. While undercover with a rookie partner he has trained, one false move leaves Jack’s partner, Kevin, dead in his arms. Jack insists on going along to inform Kevin’s wife, Marie, of her husband’s death. Thus begins a series of events that will lead Jack’s life to become increasingly entwined with Marie and Kevin’s identical twin brother, Devin. The three of them will slowly knit together to become a family, and neither a crazy mother-in-law nor a gun wielding drug lord will tear them apart.

You Can’t Go Home Again was a slow building love story that had some wonderful humor and even more heart wrenching sadness. The impact that one man’s death had on the three main characters was clear, and their shared grief made for a heartwarming tale. There was much to be said for the way in which the police force was depicted in this novel. The way in which they rallied around a fallen comrade was beautiful to read. The fact that no one on the force had difficulty with Jack being gay seemed a bit too ideal, but the way in which this story was written made it palpable and real.

Perhaps the one thing that I felt made this novel veer off path was the rather long time it took to establish itself. The funerals and the slow building relationship between Jack and Devin were realistic and well done to a point, until repetition began to leach its way into the story. Several times, I felt that the same thing was being said repeatedly. For instance, when the author was establishing that Devin was a writer, the idea that he was gifted with words came up over and over, to the point where I felt it was stalling the story—keeping it from moving forward and slowing the pace way too much. I felt this happened too frequently in the story, and wondered if a good editing may have solved some of the sense that the novel lurched along at times rather than flowed.

This, coupled with a rather strange plot twist thrown in at the end, made me feel that the story was a bit disjointed and lacked cohesiveness. The end was simply out there with no build in or even a mere mention of impending danger. So, when the event that shook Jack and Devin’s lives so thoroughly took place, I felt it was forced and simply there in order to give us a little action in an otherwise slow evolving story.

All in all, You Can’t Go Home Again by Michael Murphy was just a nice story. The pacing problems and occasional repetition made for some hard work when reading, but the characters and humor kept this novel afloat. If you are looking for a sweet romance, then this is the book for you.

[Love Bytes Reviews · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 STARS
Reviewed by Cindy

Jack is a cop who spends way too much time alone. He’s isolated himself because of a bad relationship and when a tragedy hits the young officer he’s partnered with on an undercover mission, he regrets that isolation from Kevin. He makes a point of checking on the man’s family and there he meets his future.

Devin is the dead officer’s twin and sparks fly the first time the two men meet, but it takes some time for them to come to terms with the feelings swirling around in their heads and hearts.

I wanted to love this story, I really did. The premise is excellent and it has all the ingredients needed for a great tale. But for me, it didn’t really live up to the promise it showed.

I liked the characters but had a hard time connecting with them. It felt like everything was being pushed at me too fast with no time for anything to sink in. The whole voice of the story was very mono-tone and I found that the attempts at humor were flat.

I wanted to fall in love with Jack and Devin as they fell in love with each other but that didn’t happen. They were nice guys, kinda sweet, but it lacked passion for me.

And the side characters, which mostly consisted of Marie, Kevin’s widow, and Kevin and Devin’s crazy mother. I get what the author was going for with Marie, the tough-as-nails female cop with the soft heart underneath all the protective snark, but she just mostly came across as bitchy to me. I would have liked to have seen more of her being kind and normal to the two men trying their hardest to support her but once again the author was too concerned about trying to be funny instead of conveying some real emotion.

And really, while I appreciated the attempt to throw some angst into the story with the crazy mother, her story needed to be a little more detailed.

I really do appreciate the effort the author put forth. I loved all the little touches, with Jack and Devin spending time together and with the three of them spending time together trying to learn as much about raising babies as they could. I also loved the easiness the two men had together and it would be nice if that happened a little more often in real-life relationships.

This is a nice story, but the angst just sort of seemed thrown in there with no real direction or reason except to kind of push the storyline a little more forward. I was really hoping for more from this story but mostly I just came away a little disappointed.

Please visit www.lovebytesreviews.com to see this and many more reviews, interviews guest posts and giveaways!

[multitaskingmomma · Rating 3 out of 5]

Review: You Can't Go Home Again by Michael Murphy

This was a heartbreaking read, all through the first quarter of it. Tears falling, it was misery on a grand scale. I mean, who would not cry? A senior officer, Jack, finds himself and his rookie partner, Kevin, in a situation he could see fatally unfolding and there was nothing he could do about it. Kevin dies and Jack is stuck between feeling remorse and guilt, and lost in his misery for losing a young man to a senseless crime. Feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, he trudges on to the Kevin's widow, Marie, and promises to himself he would always be there to help out in any which way he can.

The funerals happen. The families came into sight. The mother-in-law from hell is at the center stage. It was misery on a really desperate situation and Jack is lost within. Then he looks up and sees his Kevin looking back at him. Talk about shock to the system! It is only later that he finds out the young man is Kevin's older twin brother, Devin. Identical twins, where Kevin was straight, Devin was an out and open gay.

Soon Marie, Jack and Devin connect and get close. It's only been a few hours but Kevin is the thread that ropes the three together without their noticing it and before they know it, Kevin moves to be with Marie. Furious for giving up whatever life he had, Devin finds himself homeless. Who does he turn to? Jack of course. And that, they say, is the beginning of the friendship borne our of misery and turning into a forever kind of love.

The first 25% was sad story but fortunately, it finally lightened up and eventaully came out humorous in the next three quarters. I breathed a sigh of relief at that point for the pain of Kevin's death was killing me.

Devin, Jack and Marie. They were an incredible trio who soon find themselves even closer because of the expected drama. The twist at the end of the story was a bit of a surprise and a let down all at once and that disappointed. It could have gone a different path then again, it came out exactly as I had predicted could happen.

Yes, this is an HEA so there definitely was a beautiful rainbow at the end of the read.

[L.Giselle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reviewed for MM Good Book Reviews.

It’s extremely difficult for Jack to come to terms with the shooting death of his new partner on the force when an undercover op goes bad. His guilt over realizing how much he didn’t know about the Kid soars as he meets his dead partner’s wife for the first time and realizes so many new things he should have known about his partner; that his wife is also a cop, and that his Mother’s family is insane.

Jack helps Marie through her grieving, including two funerals, one home with them, and the other back in Alabama where Kevin’s family is from. While there, he gets the shock of his life when his dead partner greets him at the wake. If Jack had only paid attention to his now deceased partner, he’d know about his twin brother….Devin. Then Marie lays another shocker on him shortly after the dust has settled…she’s pregnant, and that ends in another surprise…if you miss the obvious hint with Devin and Kevin.

This is a tragic, surprising, funny, creepy, scary, and often times just ridiculous RomCom. I know, it’s hard to describe something as a romantic comedy when it starts with a tragic death, but that’s the overall feel I get from this book. There are just too many extreme situations, like living with someone with whom you are mutually attracted and not knocking boots much earlier. Maybe my experience is off, but really, a hot sexy man who wants you and you want him, and you manage to keep hands off for nearly nine months? Maybe this is actually a fantasy… but a cute one.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rating: 4 stars out of 5

For the complete review by MelanieM of ScatteredThoughtsandRogueWords, visit http://wp.me/p220KL-2Sk

From that review: "The opening chapters of You Can't Go Home Again are so heartbreaking that they will stay with you for the entire book. It brings the short-lived character of The Kid alive, and he ends up hovering over the proceedings for the rest of the story. You get a real feel for Jack and his partner as things go very wrong and the Kid makes one shattering bad decision that will cost him his life. It's shocking, painful, and the death scene is gut wrenching. Michael Murphy really delivers in the scenes where the officers are helping a shattered Jack dress and leave for Kevin's home to relay the news of Kevin's death to his wife. Here the pain and strength of the Thin Blue Line is poignantly portrayed and it gives a ring of authenticity to Jack as a law enforcement officer…"


for this review, and others by MelanieM of Scatteredthoughtsandroguewords, visit http://ScatteredThoughtsandRogueWords...

[Joyfully Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Joyfully Jay review.

4.25 stars

I have to be honest here, I have mixed feeling about this book. On the one hand, I really liked the premise and it was executed well. The characters were great and really well developed; I felt I got to know them, and what motivates them, very well. But on the other, I felt somewhat detached from the story as a whole, and I think that was perhaps due to the writing style.

Read Kris' review in its entirety here.

[Neet · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sweet story of harden undecover detective Jack, who is cynical as they come and a loner since the break up with his boyfriend. Jack watches as rookie/partner Kevin is killed and dies in his arms because of a mistake.Filled with remorse and guilt, Jack befriends the young man's partner and later his brother. A sweet story that shows what a family and friendship and love can really mean.This is indeed a good read!

[Jolinar]

This may turn out to be a DNF. I've never read any of Michael Murphys work before but reviews for previous books didn't seem bad so I thought I'd give it a try. The only words I can use to describe what I've read so far are 'vague and slightly tedious'.
I'll try to come back to it later but at 11% in I can't read anymore right now.

[jules0623 · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Angel Pedroza · Rating 3 out of 5]

The dialog between characters was unnaturally stilted and had long sentences. This detracted from the appeal of the characters.

[Tom Munsell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book. I have loved all the books of his that I have read. Great plots, great characters, great twists and turns.

[BookLover62 · Rating 5 out of 5]

First book I've read by Michael Murphy, and I will definitely be reading more. Love the story and I have no quibbles about his writing style whereas other reviewers didn't.

[Romance · Rating 3 out of 5]

Solid sweet story.