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How to Choose a Partner
Choosing a romantic partner is one of contemporary life's biggest adventures. But other aspects of modern living – being globally more mobile, a fall in religious belief, social liberalization and more job opportunities (but longer working hours) – mean meeting a mate has rarely been so challenging, and rarely so important.In How to Choose a Partner, Susan Quilliam guides us through the process of finding the right partner for us as individuals. The real challenge is that we grow. Drawing upon rich cultural material, psychology and her background in relationship therapy, Susan presents partner choice as a self-development journey, driving us to learn more about ourselves, about other people, about life and the way we want to live.
161 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 14, 2016
92 people are currently reading
814 people want to read
About the author
Susan Quilliam
83 books29 followers Who am I? Born in Liverpool, I trained in psychology, teaching and
counselling. Pretty soon, I realised that what underpinned all these
activities - and what really motivates me - is the single goal of
helping people have the best relationships they can possibly have.
So for the past 30-something years I've been doing just that through
my books!
I'm delighted to now be published in 33 countries and 24 languages,
to have sold over 1 million copies of my work, to have written the
best-selling book on Relate's publishing list (Stop Arguing Start
Talking) and to have had my writing recognised by being designated
one of the Family Planning Association's 21st Century Achievers.
I also love supporting clients to have good relationships through my
coaching services, by writing a weekly advice column for Fabulous magazine, by writing and teaching courses for the global organisation The School of Live. I am also an Ambassador for Relate Cambridge, and serve on the Advisory Board of the Sexual Advice Association and the Council for Sexuality and Sexual Health of the Royal College of Medicine. In 2015 I also won Dating Expert of the Year at the UK Dating Awards.
I also know that dreams come true. Because I once said to a friend
that my dream would be to update the Joy of Sex for the 21st century.
Guess what? Eight years ago I was asked by the Joy of Sex estate to
do just that. The project was a total privilege and pleasure, the
result won Publication of the Year at the Erotic Awards 2010.
If you'd like to know what else I do; to read my qualifications,
credentials and affiliations; to ask me a question, or to discuss
working together, please do get in touch via my website
www.susanquilliam.com. I'd love to hear from you.
counselling. Pretty soon, I realised that what underpinned all these
activities - and what really motivates me - is the single goal of
helping people have the best relationships they can possibly have.
So for the past 30-something years I've been doing just that through
my books!
I'm delighted to now be published in 33 countries and 24 languages,
to have sold over 1 million copies of my work, to have written the
best-selling book on Relate's publishing list (Stop Arguing Start
Talking) and to have had my writing recognised by being designated
one of the Family Planning Association's 21st Century Achievers.
I also love supporting clients to have good relationships through my
coaching services, by writing a weekly advice column for Fabulous magazine, by writing and teaching courses for the global organisation The School of Live. I am also an Ambassador for Relate Cambridge, and serve on the Advisory Board of the Sexual Advice Association and the Council for Sexuality and Sexual Health of the Royal College of Medicine. In 2015 I also won Dating Expert of the Year at the UK Dating Awards.
I also know that dreams come true. Because I once said to a friend
that my dream would be to update the Joy of Sex for the 21st century.
Guess what? Eight years ago I was asked by the Joy of Sex estate to
do just that. The project was a total privilege and pleasure, the
result won Publication of the Year at the Erotic Awards 2010.
If you'd like to know what else I do; to read my qualifications,
credentials and affiliations; to ask me a question, or to discuss
working together, please do get in touch via my website
www.susanquilliam.com. I'd love to hear from you.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
May 31, 2019
اگر میتوانستم کتاب رو نصفه ول کنم این کتاب حتما تمام نمیشد. از صفحهی 60، 70 به بعد بهتر شد اما مطلب خاص و جدیدی به نظر من نداشت. صرفاً مرور یک سری بدیهیات بود که خوب شاید مرورش هم بد نیست.
December 28, 2017
I can't imagine anyone I wouldn't recommend this book to; it was consistently well-written and insightful. The tone was that of someone who's very intelligent but humble, non-presumptuous and empathetic, advising the reader not from above but from eye-to-eye. Chapters and paragraphs have a tidy structure, often coming full circle by referring back to the introductory quote or idea. There was always a sense of forward motion, and no details seemed superfluous.
Side note, I bought this on a whim, as a gift, but after glancing at the first few pages I got pulled in and finished it in one afternoon.
It is the sort of book I could see myself re-reading in a year, since my relationship to the text may change as I change and my interest in finding a girlfriend, potentially, will be more in a year than it is right now. It was an interesting surprise to see the book normalize and justify being happily single early on before delving into its main idea.
Side note, I bought this on a whim, as a gift, but after glancing at the first few pages I got pulled in and finished it in one afternoon.
It is the sort of book I could see myself re-reading in a year, since my relationship to the text may change as I change and my interest in finding a girlfriend, potentially, will be more in a year than it is right now. It was an interesting surprise to see the book normalize and justify being happily single early on before delving into its main idea.
September 1, 2019
Eh, fine.
July 25, 2018
This isn't a "How To" but more a series of reflections drawing from psychology, philosophy, sociology, culture and ordinary human experience.
It starts out asking/making sure you are actually read for a partner. It's tempting to rush into love--but is it the right time for a committed relationship. Even more seriously, a partner? Do you have time or will you make time/room for a relationship?
Have you grown enough? Are you available enough from the last relationship? What did you learn from your last relationship(s)?
Various reflection about how to live your life open and receptive or more strategic are discussed as well as chemistry, matters of comparability (values, life goals, personality).
The goals is for partners to "Love each other best". That's the hope, that if both of them keep evolving, learning, kleep growing that at some point in the future, they will create a wonderful partnership.
It starts out asking/making sure you are actually read for a partner. It's tempting to rush into love--but is it the right time for a committed relationship. Even more seriously, a partner? Do you have time or will you make time/room for a relationship?
Have you grown enough? Are you available enough from the last relationship? What did you learn from your last relationship(s)?
Various reflection about how to live your life open and receptive or more strategic are discussed as well as chemistry, matters of comparability (values, life goals, personality).
The goals is for partners to "Love each other best". That's the hope, that if both of them keep evolving, learning, kleep growing that at some point in the future, they will create a wonderful partnership.
June 5, 2018
This book encourages you to seek a fresh perspective and to come up with a new approach to an old problem
July 7, 2023
این کتاب بی نظیره،اگر فقط و فقط یک کتاب میخواهید در زمینهی رابطهی عاطفی ،شناخت خودتون در این چارچوب،مصائب پیدا کردن شخص مناسب در عصر مدرن کتابی بخونید،پیشنهاد میدم.
تمام نظریههای روانشناسی مرتبط در حوزه روابط که پیش تر اشنا شده بودم رو با این کتاب عمیقتر و با مثال ملموستری یاد گرفتم،بیشتر مثالهای کتاب از انواع عشق ها،سبک دلبستگیها و سایر مسائل مرتبط از رمان های عاشقانه کلاسیک اورده شده که به نظرم جذاب تر و خودمونی ترش میکنه،برای من خوندن این کتاب به مدت چند ماه،آهسته آهسته به منزلهی همراه بودن با دوستی دانا و باهوش بود،تلههای عاطفیم رو نشون میداد و دستم رو میگرفت و به بخش بعد میبرد.
خیلی دوسش دارم💚
تمام نظریههای روانشناسی مرتبط در حوزه روابط که پیش تر اشنا شده بودم رو با این کتاب عمیقتر و با مثال ملموستری یاد گرفتم،بیشتر مثالهای کتاب از انواع عشق ها،سبک دلبستگیها و سایر مسائل مرتبط از رمان های عاشقانه کلاسیک اورده شده که به نظرم جذاب تر و خودمونی ترش میکنه،برای من خوندن این کتاب به مدت چند ماه،آهسته آهسته به منزلهی همراه بودن با دوستی دانا و باهوش بود،تلههای عاطفیم رو نشون میداد و دستم رو میگرفت و به بخش بعد میبرد.
خیلی دوسش دارم💚
March 18, 2024
Pretty good book. Thorough, thoughtful and written with a light touch in The School of Life style of easy going, be compassionate with yourself, when dealing with challenging and serious topics.
It asks the reader:
Are you ready and is it the best thing for you(not everyone is. Some are better off, more content unattached)?
When will you be ready? Have you gotten over or at least have some peace of mind with regards to your last partner?
Where and from whom did you get your ideas about how to have a good relationship?
It recommends, letting go of choice once in a while, going against your typical patterns occasionally, not focusing too much on safe and secure and pleasantness.
- How do you choose? Do you know? Really?
And quite a lot more.
It's hard not to be taken aback though, in the section about knowing when you've found your partner, where the author cites both Bill Clinton who supposedly was speechless when he first met Hillary Rodham. For those of us old enough to remember before the '92 elections there were credible rape accusations made by several women against Clinton, along with the stifling of the 'bimbo eruptions' and Monica Lewinsky and many accusations since along with Bill being a very frequent visitor to Epstein Island. And Lyndon Baines Johnson, said to know instantly that he wanted to marry Lady Byrd, while LBJ was also a noted philanderer.
This doesn't detract from mostly good ideas about choosing a partner, while showing the author to be either naive or out of touch.
It asks the reader:
Are you ready and is it the best thing for you(not everyone is. Some are better off, more content unattached)?
When will you be ready? Have you gotten over or at least have some peace of mind with regards to your last partner?
Where and from whom did you get your ideas about how to have a good relationship?
It recommends, letting go of choice once in a while, going against your typical patterns occasionally, not focusing too much on safe and secure and pleasantness.
- How do you choose? Do you know? Really?
And quite a lot more.
It's hard not to be taken aback though, in the section about knowing when you've found your partner, where the author cites both Bill Clinton who supposedly was speechless when he first met Hillary Rodham. For those of us old enough to remember before the '92 elections there were credible rape accusations made by several women against Clinton, along with the stifling of the 'bimbo eruptions' and Monica Lewinsky and many accusations since along with Bill being a very frequent visitor to Epstein Island. And Lyndon Baines Johnson, said to know instantly that he wanted to marry Lady Byrd, while LBJ was also a noted philanderer.
This doesn't detract from mostly good ideas about choosing a partner, while showing the author to be either naive or out of touch.
October 23, 2016
Although the book doesn't point it out, its broadly divided into 3 parts. Are you ready for a relationship, then the actual part about how to choose a partner, and then about the part that once you have a partner how not to fuck it because most people do want to fuck it up. I found the first and third part a bit non relevant, perhaps, because I had already crossed the moat for the first part to be relevant, and the mountains of relationship management too far in the future to really care about right now. The middle part, the real how to choose a partner, was what interested me the most.
In my opinion the way the topic of love and relationships is handled , is very similar to how a process engineer would go about demystifying something complex. For example making pizza. Now an Italian may talk about how making pizza is an art, and you need to make love to your dough, feel the freshness of the tomatoes, and spread the sauce so it looks like a painting.. just right. Susan Quilliam ( and Alain de Botton in his talks) have called love and romanticism a bunch of bullshit. Love and relationships are things to be intersected, individually understood, so to be things that are understood and under control of us humans. To be honest, I am not sure I am entirely against this. How lost I have been in my life on the topic, I will welcome this diagram of the anatomy of relationships. It does pop your bubble a bit.. like someone telling you that there is no Santa.
In my opinion the way the topic of love and relationships is handled , is very similar to how a process engineer would go about demystifying something complex. For example making pizza. Now an Italian may talk about how making pizza is an art, and you need to make love to your dough, feel the freshness of the tomatoes, and spread the sauce so it looks like a painting.. just right. Susan Quilliam ( and Alain de Botton in his talks) have called love and romanticism a bunch of bullshit. Love and relationships are things to be intersected, individually understood, so to be things that are understood and under control of us humans. To be honest, I am not sure I am entirely against this. How lost I have been in my life on the topic, I will welcome this diagram of the anatomy of relationships. It does pop your bubble a bit.. like someone telling you that there is no Santa.
February 14, 2016
Solid advice.
December 1, 2017
This is a solid little book about knowing if and when you're ready for a partner, how to choose a partner (online and off), and how to succeed with long-term relationships. At times it gets a bit too academic perhaps, though I imagine the audience in mind is more the intellectual-type, and at times some of the advice and analysis may seem obvious and of low value, or disagreeable. I think there's enough in here to give many pause, however, and reading this may allow one to approach the partnership side of life from a more pragmatic and organized perspective.
Example useful tidbits:
Page 100: "Any male wariness of emotion is not because men feel it less -- physiologically they actually experience it more strongly, more painfully, hence the wariness. Men's main handicap is conditioning; little boys are told not to cry, big boys are told to 'be a man', but what they're rarely told is how to manage their emotions."
- Pages 114-115: Excellent, though cold and pragmatic, biological and psychological summation of early love and fixation. Lust motivates us to have lots of sex, to make babies. Love keeps us together during the infants' early vulnerable months or years. We seek love psychologically to recapture feelings of comfort, security and happiness from our early childhood, unless our childhood was damaged...
3.6 Stars
Notes ----------------------------------
- Specifying what you want in a partner (Pages 66-71):
1) Create a wish list of qualities your ideal mate would possess, prioritizing five or so
2) Create a list of four or so deal-breakers (For example: Incompatible sexuality, mismatched relationship aims [marriage vs hookup], deep value conflicts [highly religious vs atheist], Incompatibility of interests [e.g. a marathon addict vs a couch potato]
3) Imagine a normal, happy day, five years in the future. What would you do? Who would be there? What sort of lifestyle would you have? How would you feel? etc.
- Page 78: Tips for online dating -- move to email and ask deeper questions fairly quickly to progress and weed
- Pages 84-89: Connection across three elements for a long-term relationship, even after love and beauty fade:
a) "Values: what makes our existence most worthwhile: safety, excitement, social recognition, happiness, self-respect, status"
b) "Life goals: the achievements we crave during a lifetime: career success, financial security, travel, adventure, marriage, children"
c)"Personality: a combination of character and temperament: honesty, mental acuity, kindness, generosity, bravery, commitment to hard work"
- Page 89: Nice quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry -- "[Love consists] not in two people looking at each other, but two people looking outwards in the same direction."
- Page 90: A lesson preached by many self-help books -- "...we should choose a mate with similar values and goals, but with a different personality."
- Pages 95-96: THE TIP (lolz) -- "Soothe, then solve"
-- Address and express emotions, then solve problems. Be emotionally available for your partner, and understand when they are not.
- Can I be there for you? Can you be there for me? GOOD QUESTIONS!
- Page 103: People follow and express all of THE FOUR ATTACHMENT TENDENCIES in relationships, but SECURE is the best to have most of the time
a) SECURE: calm and confident
b) ANXIOUS: worried and needing reassurance
c) AVOIDANT: avoiding emotion, pulling away
d) ATTACKING: inwardly-frustrated and using conflict to connect
-- These tendencies can be reflected in how the sex is, page 107 (e.g. self-focused, performance-oriented sex is 'sealed off' and relates to the avoidant tendency
-- Pages 108-109: When to seek counselling and when to run away! One partner may be very 'anxious' and clingy while the other is very 'avoidant,' which could be very difficult... worse, 'attacking' and 'anxious'
- Pages 117-118: Some people confuse love and anxiety, because the two are so closely correlated. Love blinds, and can lead to people choosing unfit partners in spurs of passion, or to seeking the same bad relationships over and over again because what they think is love is... not. Also, love does not guarantee commitment.
- Page 119: Think of three friends you've been comfortable with and known for years. That should be about what to aim for in a partner for when the 'in-love' phase has ended...
- Page 122: Each partner has a 'house' going into a relationship. Are you able to find a partner you are willing to demolish your 'house' for, to build a new, shared, mutual 'house'?
- Page 123: A positive look at dealing with issues in long-term relationships
- Page 135: Good Einstein quote -- "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they are both disappointed."
- Page 135: Breaking up with someone you should is good for both partners. It frees you, and them up to find someone better suited to each, and each can grow because of it instead of stagnate, hate, etc.
- Page 138: "Great Gatsby" anecdote -- essentially, free yourself from a partner or potential partner who doesn't want you (if you've given it your best shot)
- Page 139: Fascinating bit on being pursued and ignoring danger signs. "Being the object of desire can be highly seductive", because it gives us lots of control over them, and being the centre of someone's universe may cause us to ignore important signs of incompatibility leading to poor long-term potential (but maybe short term fun)
CONCLUSION: Continued mutual evolution and growth are key to long term partnership success and ideal state of being.
September 7, 2024
Lol eindelijk een van mijn 928381 current books uitgelezen. DUSS kvond het een goed boek, nieuwe inzichten gekregen en ook andere perspectieven op onderwerpen zoals arranged marriage. Buiten het aspect van partnerschap, vond ik ook wel dat je ook gwn veel inzichten kreeg over jezelf als partner, dus dat was ook boeiend. Twas ook een snelle read.
Grootste kritiek dat ik heb is dat sommige opvattingen teveel gebasseerd zijn op literatuur, en niet echt irl of onderzoek (maar het kan ook zijn dat die eerder opgehaald zijn als voorbeelden), dus mijn wetenschappelijke kant knaagde wel bij die delen. Maaaar het was een goed boekje om eens even een reset te krijgen in je gedachtegang.
Update: oke achteraf terug over nagedacht en eig zijn de literatuurvoorbeelden wel oke want op een manier representeren ze wel de realiteit xdd
Grootste kritiek dat ik heb is dat sommige opvattingen teveel gebasseerd zijn op literatuur, en niet echt irl of onderzoek (maar het kan ook zijn dat die eerder opgehaald zijn als voorbeelden), dus mijn wetenschappelijke kant knaagde wel bij die delen. Maaaar het was een goed boekje om eens even een reset te krijgen in je gedachtegang.
Update: oke achteraf terug over nagedacht en eig zijn de literatuurvoorbeelden wel oke want op een manier representeren ze wel de realiteit xdd
April 22, 2019
Unterhaltsam und informativ ohne belehrend zu sein.
December 17, 2019
To pick up this book was somewhat an inside joke to myself. After what seemed like an avoidable turmoil & a series of questionable decision, I decided that perhaps I need to learn, or relearn some stuffs - and sure, I'd let a pocket book with a blunt, almost clickbait-y title have me. Oh I love The School of Life, but some of their moves lately are worrying for me.
But boy, this thing turned out to be a solid gold.
The plot is very well-thought, ideas are well-articulated, theories and arguments have multiple studies to back it up, cases are relatable. This is no way cheesy, despite the title. It has the usual School of Life's views towards relationship - it is very realistic & pragmatic. It, of course, sells no affirmation that this book will solve it all but it really shares some insightful and wise approach on love.
Starting with the first chapter, Understanding. Quilliam wrote that 'Partner choice is a self-development journey, driving us to learn more about ourselves, about other people, about life and the eay we want to live it.' I don't know whether this is news to you, but I feel this resonates to me so much. If anything, in failed relationships, there's always lesson to learn. The choices we make (and don't make) lead us to understand more what do we want and how we react to things, sometimes critical ones.
Quilliam then proceeded to write about how us and our partners need to be ready, look back to learn from our past endeavors, went to acknowledged the trend of online dating and the freedom of not choosing, focussing, connecting (soothe then solve), and being in love.
I'm no good full-details reviewer but I believe this book is important. Whether you're looking for a partner or you're currently with one. No harm in inserting more wisdom & understanding towards other in our life.
But boy, this thing turned out to be a solid gold.
The plot is very well-thought, ideas are well-articulated, theories and arguments have multiple studies to back it up, cases are relatable. This is no way cheesy, despite the title. It has the usual School of Life's views towards relationship - it is very realistic & pragmatic. It, of course, sells no affirmation that this book will solve it all but it really shares some insightful and wise approach on love.
Starting with the first chapter, Understanding. Quilliam wrote that 'Partner choice is a self-development journey, driving us to learn more about ourselves, about other people, about life and the eay we want to live it.' I don't know whether this is news to you, but I feel this resonates to me so much. If anything, in failed relationships, there's always lesson to learn. The choices we make (and don't make) lead us to understand more what do we want and how we react to things, sometimes critical ones.
Quilliam then proceeded to write about how us and our partners need to be ready, look back to learn from our past endeavors, went to acknowledged the trend of online dating and the freedom of not choosing, focussing, connecting (soothe then solve), and being in love.
I'm no good full-details reviewer but I believe this book is important. Whether you're looking for a partner or you're currently with one. No harm in inserting more wisdom & understanding towards other in our life.
September 16, 2017
HHHMMMMMMMMM
I remember I just finished How To Be Alone few days ago and it's been a quite an interesting readings. It's like having a theis and antithesis so I can make my own synthesis.
The servings of idea in this book is different than How To Be Alone. This not tips nor advice, but one is kind of gives me more enlightenment on how we are supposed to think about companionship. I like being alone most of the time, but I don't think I can handle being alone for the rest of my life, that's why I always invest and take realationship seriously, because I like the take-and-give/nurturing process in relationships, and Susan showed the reader this point without eliminating the possibility of being happy on your own.
Other than that, this book also contains a good amount of historical reference on how humans can be loving like this, including how technology takes part in our love life lately, how human evolution also evolves our expectations towards love and shows both good sides and bad sides on humans' advancement.
What I like the most about this book is, somehow I feel like I'm not reading sort-of-self-help book, but honest thinking from Susan. She doesn't try to persuade us to do something, she's simply share what she knows based on the classes and therapy (?) session in The School of Life. She also doesn't make love superfluous, neither put it in mighty position nor insignificant. It is just part of our life and we can interpret in any way we want it.
I remember I just finished How To Be Alone few days ago and it's been a quite an interesting readings. It's like having a theis and antithesis so I can make my own synthesis.
The servings of idea in this book is different than How To Be Alone. This not tips nor advice, but one is kind of gives me more enlightenment on how we are supposed to think about companionship. I like being alone most of the time, but I don't think I can handle being alone for the rest of my life, that's why I always invest and take realationship seriously, because I like the take-and-give/nurturing process in relationships, and Susan showed the reader this point without eliminating the possibility of being happy on your own.
Other than that, this book also contains a good amount of historical reference on how humans can be loving like this, including how technology takes part in our love life lately, how human evolution also evolves our expectations towards love and shows both good sides and bad sides on humans' advancement.
What I like the most about this book is, somehow I feel like I'm not reading sort-of-self-help book, but honest thinking from Susan. She doesn't try to persuade us to do something, she's simply share what she knows based on the classes and therapy (?) session in The School of Life. She also doesn't make love superfluous, neither put it in mighty position nor insignificant. It is just part of our life and we can interpret in any way we want it.
September 15, 2016
I can so trust that The School of Life would produce brilliant works like this one to answer some of life's most probing questions (the last book I read was How To Worry Less About Money). I love how it is deep in its perspectives and presents them in such a perfect and compelling manner, drawing from literature, studies and philosophy to further enhance and inform our own thoughts on the subject matter.
Of the many beautiful references made in the book, I particularly like the quote taken from Thomas Hardy's Far From The Madding Crowd - "at home by the fire, whenever you look up there I shall be - and whenever I look up, there will be you." - which essentially encapsulates two key determinants (and there are plenty more!!!) of a lasting partnership: 1) Being There (emotional responsiveness) 2) Wisely choosing, from the start, a partner whom you can envision and actually share a "normal, happy day".
:)
Of the many beautiful references made in the book, I particularly like the quote taken from Thomas Hardy's Far From The Madding Crowd - "at home by the fire, whenever you look up there I shall be - and whenever I look up, there will be you." - which essentially encapsulates two key determinants (and there are plenty more!!!) of a lasting partnership: 1) Being There (emotional responsiveness) 2) Wisely choosing, from the start, a partner whom you can envision and actually share a "normal, happy day".
:)
January 14, 2021
از نظر من این کتاب فوق العاده مفید بود، و برای جامعه سنتی ما حتی ارزش دوچندانی داشت. کتاب برای شما تعیین نمی کنه که چه رابطه ای خوبه یا بد، بلکه از راه خودشناسی به شما کمک میکنه تا بفهمید کی هستید و چه خواسته هایی از زندگیتون دارید، آیا اصلا به شریک زندگی نیاز دارید، انتظارات شما از شریک زندگیتون چیه، و این انتظارات تا چه حد منطقی هستن. علاوه بر این کتاب شامل بحث های روانشناسی و علمی راجع به ساز و کار عشق و دوست داشتنه و به شما کمک میکنه شناخت بهتری از این فرآیند داشته باشید تا بتونید آگاهانه با احساساتی که تجربه میکنید برخورد کنید.
May 8, 2016
Solid little book, filled with a lot of common sense. Some useful exercises. Reminds one of a lot of the lessons one has gained over the years and makes one realise that doing things purely out of habit is a bad idea. We need to reflect and learn in everything we do.
It's practical and not at all idealistic which at the end of the day is not a bad way to make an important decision. Yet there is a fondness and empathy for couples throughout the book
It's practical and not at all idealistic which at the end of the day is not a bad way to make an important decision. Yet there is a fondness and empathy for couples throughout the book
July 11, 2018
Finding each other and growth together is a beautiful idea.
"But there are many life situations, temporary transition and extended periods where being single is essential. Perhaps our focus currently needs to flow inwards to ourselves because our energy needs to flows outward—maybe to a demanding job, a sick parent (or child), a sudden life crisis."
Some people want to get into relationship while they are actually not ready for it... and this book will explain to you why.
"But there are many life situations, temporary transition and extended periods where being single is essential. Perhaps our focus currently needs to flow inwards to ourselves because our energy needs to flows outward—maybe to a demanding job, a sick parent (or child), a sudden life crisis."
Some people want to get into relationship while they are actually not ready for it... and this book will explain to you why.
February 25, 2019
Reinforced some of the things I already know, good read!
It was a good read.....Some things are obvious but backed by research. I liked it a lot :-) but I feel I didn't learn anything ground-breaking...
It was a good read.....Some things are obvious but backed by research. I liked it a lot :-) but I feel I didn't learn anything ground-breaking...
February 19, 2016
Easy read. Broad and solid advice told with a practical approach, and some useful exercise to work with. A worthy read overall.
February 22, 2016
Most cogent and well-argued propositions...
June 25, 2016
I loved the advice and examples. very practical and yet beautifully written, like a philosophical work, but informal
August 14, 2016
Smart, compassionate and witty. Also helpful. I'm excited to read other books I the series if they are as good as this one.
September 27, 2016
Pretty comprehensive discussion of almost all aspects of the issue, if not somewhat brief. Enjoyed the short read.
December 11, 2016
Pffffff.
October 4, 2017
"The real challenge is that we grow." (1)
"'Commitment is an act, not a word.'" (quoting Sartre, 103)
"'Commitment is an act, not a word.'" (quoting Sartre, 103)
July 31, 2017
I did it right! Whew! I like these School of Life books, well written and informative, clear.
August 11, 2017
Nothing earthshaking, touching or engaging for me. I plodded through this admittedly short book. So good points but not what I was expecting.
January 5, 2018
Great advice, but only for a willing reader! A bit of a self selecting audience as anyone introspective enough to pick this up likely has also put good thought into the future anyway.
July 18, 2018
Sensible, approachable, but maybe quite not inclusive of all the diversity and complexities of intimacy and attraction.
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