How to Hug a Teenage Porcupine

by John Lewis Lund

3 Audio Cassettes in a clamshell case. Approximately 4 hrs.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Religion, Psychology

Audio CD

Published January 1, 2004

About the author

Dr John L. Lund is a great writer and his CD's on human interaction are fun, informative, and entertaining. He has taught in major universities in Utah, Idaho, and California, hosts trips to Israel and Mesoamerica and is a fantastic archeologist too. Check out his books in both fields and you will find a great writer to follow here on Goodreads.com.

Reviews

[Mindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best ever audio talks for raising kids. Recommend for parents of kids of all ages.

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life changer.

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

A delightful series of several talks integrated onto 4 CDs

1. The Art of Parenting
2. Five Governing Values of Teens
3. Dealing with Noncompliant Teens

The author not only has broad experience with, but understands how teens think, and how to interact with them. I have only captured a few of his points, but he was kind enough to say what he was going to say, say it, and then summarize, so here are a few things that I learned.

Teens and parents have different values. Teen values: Fun, Friends, Freedom. Parent values: Responsibility. The teens know your values. A talking head endlessly repeating those values won't cause them to adopt those values. He even covers what to do with compliant children so they don't get discouraged!

Teens and grandparents get along because they have similar values.

There are only three ways that teens (people) learn:
- by what they see
- by what they hear
- by what they experience

Love and Trust are different. Loving someone does not mean that we trust them. You need to have an “I trust you program” separate from an “I love you program.” Most parents have proven themselves untrustworthy. How to become a trustworthy parent (and thus stop being manipulated into enabling self-destructive children.)

This was much more interesting than many pop psychology books because
- it is applied psychology
- it applies to a very narrow set of interactions (teens)
- it clearly separates what works from what doesn't
- it contains serious examples delivered with hit-home humor.

Although my family is largely past this phase, yet I look forward to listening to this program again.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a gem of an audio book, full of great parenting advice patterned after the gospel of Jesus Christ. I felt the information was applicable for any stage of parenting. Useful insights for the whole range of childhood personalities- from compliant to rebellious. A great reminder to keep perspective and to use encouragement, invitations and enticement to develop good decision-making in our children, while avoiding force, which is Satan's tactic.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can never get enough of this book on cd. I try every day to be a good mom and this book is helpful to me. I need to remember to have an I love you program that is separate from an I trust you program. Although this is geared toward teenagers, there are so many applicable things to my minis.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good! Didn't agree with every thing, but thet vast majority was so good. I need to go back now, take notes & enforce 😊

[Shantel · Rating 5 out of 5]

listened to this on CD. I will want to listen to it again when my kids get older. It's helpful to think about in advance, especially when you realize you have some kids that are different than the others and you'll have to parent them differently. "You can't full fill the Lord's program in the Devil's way" is a central thought in the talks. And it helps not with just teenagers but anyone in your life who is "prickly" or toxic or hard to get along with. You cannot base your happiness on other people's actions. You can only focus on yourself and what you can do. And you have to have a love program and a trust program, separate from each other. When teaching and disciplining kids, you don't take away love as a punishment. Losing your trust is one thing, but if you remove love then the parent is contributing to any toxicity in the home or relationship.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it. All of us can take responsibility for our actions and what we can control. I like his advice on talking about what we are going to do. In the "Love and Logic" program, this is called making enforceable statements. I can always talk about what I am going to do, but I cannot force or control others regarding their behavior. John Lund taught great ideas and illustrated true principles in ways that are easy to understand. His work is excellent. If you are a parent of a difficult child, I would highly recommend this product to you!

[Darcy Briggs · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mother in the beginnings of raising teenagers, this book on tape was wonderful advice. I appreciated the professional credibility along with a gospel perspective. I was left with hope and comfort and strength to weather what lies ahead.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this book as I drove to work. I did not have prickly teens, but there are a few prickly people in my life now. This talk on CD helped me gain a better understanding of loving those that are difficult to love and methods to deal with madness without joining the craziness yourself.

[Monica Giles · Rating 5 out of 5]

So incredibly good. I wish I would’ve have listened to it before my kids had become teenagers, and I feel like I should re-listen annually. I loved the beginning so much and when it was over I went back and listened the the beginning again. It was really insightful and comforting.

[Tenille · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this would help me with one child, but realized it's another child that needs this more! Great tips for any age children!

[Sonia · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good! Packed with great information for parents and so entertaining!

[Kerri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great insights on parenting teenagers. “Parenting is the art of letting go”. “You can’t carry out the Lord’s program in the Devil’s way”. Loved listening to Dr. Lund present this seminar.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

So glad I listened to this. Great gems of wisdom for parents.

[Susan Gleason · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely helpful! I loved his personal stories.

[Avid reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic, applicable gospel perspective on parenting teens. A must read for parents of teenagers.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth repeated listening.

[Jennifer Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This isn't a book on CD but rather a set of three talks. I wish it were a book also so I could go through and highlight it and make notes! I also think every parent should listen to this.

I first read How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities, hoping it would have information about teenagers, but it doesn't have much. These CDs were exactly what they claim to be, plus many more ideas and parenting concepts than just getting along with teenagers.

The principles Dr. Lund teaches can be applied to parenting any age child. Actually, I think they are applicable to many kind of personal relationships. Dr. Lund is a master storyteller as well as a counselor with many years of experience, and he's also raised 8 compliant AND non-compliant children, so his presentation is entertaining, informative, and held a lot of credibility with me.

[Marcy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this cd at least twice already, but some it 4 times & I look forward to listening to it again! I think it should be required reading for every parent! I sure wish I had heard it back years ago. It's really right on target as it discusses how to deal with children, even young ones that just don't WANT to do what's "right". It puts agency into a lot better light so that as parents we can not take that agency away from our little ones...& then later as they become bigger ones... It's also just a fantastic book on "hope" which is so easy to lose site of when we are in the midst of a troubled child/friend/family member. I just highly, highly, highly recommend this cd!!! I wish it was in book form too so that I could mark the pages & make myself read & reread them over & over & over.

[Patty · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this CD. Though it is given to an LDS audience there is not a whole lot of LDS ideas in it so people of all faiths or no faith can get something out of it. I've starting using some of the ideas from it and found they are helping a LOT.

The only reason I haven't given it a 5 is that I would like a little more practical ideas on how to set boundaries when dealing with a child who is not compliant and how to talk with a teen when negotiating those boundaries.

[Kerrie Rodgerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love, love, love this cd collection. It is a parenting guide that will change your life if you have teenagers. This is my 3rd time listening to it (hmmm...I have 3 teenagers....). The way John Lund conveys ideas and thoughts is insightful and hilarious. I routinely remember his recommendations and try to put them into action in our lives. Definitely a must-listen (it is a series of talks) if you have a teenager from mouthy to one who is in serious trouble. Love it.

[Jeffery Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why didn't I listen to this audiobook a couple of years ago? John Lund's principles, derived from his years working with troubled youth, gave me as much comfort as instruction. He has helped me to replace worry with faith, and to recognize the need to let go of the idea that a parent is responsible for everything. This book was a huge blessing to me at this particular point in my life, but I do wish I had encountered it earlier.

[Maribel · Rating 5 out of 5]

You don't have to have rotten teenagers to thoroughly benefit from listening to these lectures. They contain great information and advise on parenting (or other kinds of relationships). I also enjoyed the fact that his approach is centered on gospel principles and doctrines. No need to go looking for any other parenting book when teachings are based on eternal truth.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

A FABULOUS CD! I have been taking copious notes from this series of lectures by Dr. Lund during my latest listening. I am grateful to hear from someone whose children have already been through the teen years as I enter this new stage of life. I should probably purchase my own copy rather than hogging the library's! :) I absolutely recommend it to anyone interested in this topic.

[Darleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned what it is to be an "emotionally healthy parent" and what "emotionally healthy teens" are. I also find it humorous that teens and grandparents do have a lot in common; friends, fun, and freedom! They also like to live in the present, and enjoy their privacy. = ] I am so glad Dr. Lund chose to share his knowledge and experiences in this enlightening book!

[Meggen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This 3-part seminar is excellent for parents with all kinds of teens. I found Dr. Lund's insights to be both humorous and helpful. I have added some of his suggestions to my parenting strategies and found them to be valuable. A recommended listen for any LDS parent who wants to have a better relationship with their teen, as well as more effective, meaningful communication and discipline.

[Tanya · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is actually a series of spiritual yet humorous lectures given by John Lund. Thankfully, I do not have toxic teenagers in my home, so much of what he talked about didn't apply, but I still learned a lot. I especially gained from the second lecture, which talks about core teen and parental motivations being in opposition to each other. 3.5 stars.

[Clyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was interesting in the sense that it helped identify the different values held by parents and teens, and how the conflict between them is the root of many relationship issues. I felt the first part of the book was great, then it got a little repetitive, and then it focused on the really bad kids and their issues which didn't really apply to me--thank goodness! A worthwhile read!

[Olea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lund has such a great and positive way of helping you do your best as a parent without squashing your child's spirit, even though sometimes it feels like that might be the easier way to deal with it. :)