The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Firstborn Women – like Oprah Winfrey, Sheryl Sandberg, JK Rowling and Beyoncé – Harness their Strengths

by Lisette Schuitemaker, Wies Enthoven

"What do Angela Merkel, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Christine Lagarde, Oprah Winfrey, Sheryl Sandberg, JK Rowling and Beyoncé have in common?" was the headline in the English newspaper The Observer in 2014. "Other than riding high in Forbes list of the world’s most powerful women," journalist Tracy McVeigh wrote in answer to her own question, "they are also all firstborn children in their families. Firstborn children really do excel."

So what does it mean to be an eldest daughter?

Firstborns Lisette Schuitemaker and Wies Enthoven set out to discover the big five qualities that characterize all eldest daughters to some degree. Eldest daughters are responsible, dutiful, thoughtful, expeditious and caring. Firstborns are more intelligent than their siblings, more proficient verbally and more motivated to perform. Yet at the same time they seriously doubt that they are good enough. Being an eldest daughter can have certain advantages, but the overbearing sense of responsibility often gets in the way. Parents may worry about their ‘difficult’ eldest girl who wants to be perfect in everything she does whilst her siblings may not always understand her. "The Eldest Daughter Effect" shows how firstborn girls become who they are and offers insights that can give them more freedom to move. And parents will gain a better understanding of their firstborn children and can support them more fully on their way.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Parenting, Womens, Psychology

192 pages, Paperback

Published October 11, 2016

About the author

Living light and living lightly, Dutch author of personal development and spirituality books, chair of the Center for Human Emergence in the Netherlands and per December 2014 Chair of the Findhorn Foundation in Scotland

Reviews

[Jacqueline · Rating 2 out of 5]

I actually heard this book mentioned in a Tumblr post, saw it wasn't in my local library system and WAS on Amazon for ten bucks, so I bit the bullet and bought it. Just so we're clear, I'm an eldest daughter.

It does offer some good insights, and I don't know what other readers are looking to get out of this book, but I can say that I, at least, felt like I learned something, even if it's only from the fact that thoughts/feelings I had were well-articulated here. That said, there are a few things I found to be a bit misleading:

- gender analysis does not play as big a role in this book as I would have expected or liked. Much is made of being the eldest, but a daughter, not so much. I feel the authors needed to engage with and confront the patriarchal systems that oversee socialization of children (especially in heterosexual and families with mixed-gender) far more than they did. I was also expecting more about how eldest daughters under patriarchy were (unfairly) burdened with pressure to look after not only younger siblings, but to become self-sufficient as early as possible and watch out for themselves.

I was especially interested in seeing the authors' take on how eldest girls interact with, and are treated in comparison to, their younger brothers, but perhaps that was too specific a situation? Not sure. Either way, I'm a little disappointed.

- obviously with a book like this, generalizations have to be made. I understand that. But I do feel the authors take much for granted when it comes to how children in different cultures are raised, which leads me to my next point:

- the authors are Dutch, and as an American, I found a lot of their talking points about parental perspectives on children and the raising thereof to be a little... isolating? There's a cultural divide here, I think, and even though the differences between the Netherlands and the United States are probably less drastic than, say, the Netherlands and China, it was still enough to make me take a pause.

- I also feel that the authors are somewhat taking it for granted that all children are a) wanted, b) planned, and c) loved. Again, the generalization thing comes into play here, but at the same time I feel there's a kind of happy-go-lucky view of the family as a unit that undermines their arguments and the points they're trying to make.

All said, even with my criticisms taken into account, I still think it's worth a read. You may or may not learn anything, but at some point, you will feel seen. And for me, that was enough.

[Patricia Herlevi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not the eldest child in my family, but I am the eldest daughter. I found this book fascinating and I could relate to many of the studies.

[Michele · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, I wasn't going to write a review but this book was honestly awful. It had all the insight of an astrology blurb. No real depth. Quotes that had to be from an original source somewhere were lazily cited to Goodreads! There was promise in the concept for this book but the generalities in it make it useless. Add to that the fact that unless you follow the traditional family pattern, this book won't resonate at all. Zero thought was given to dysfunctional families where parents aren't traditional and burdens fall differently on children. There were a few points where I actually laughed and uttered "bullsh**" because it was just so general and cream puff. It was a great concept - but it seems more of a vanity piece than researched guide.

[Alyssa Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was good, but I think I wanted more out of it. Part of the dynamic of being the eldest daughter is so heavily reliant on oppressive gender roles. Ie women are expected to do all of the washing and cleaning etc while men sit and watch the game. Or young women having earlier curfews than their male counterparts. Additionally, my experience as an eldest daughter meant that I was like a third parent for my three younger siblings. Eldest daughters often get saddled with much more responsibility and often emotional labor than their younger siblings, and I would have liked to see a further discussion of this dynamic.

[Kathy McC · Rating 3 out of 5]

As an eldest daughter, I agree with many of the attributes presented by the author. However, as a parent, I disagree with many of the assertions she makes about other children in the family.
Example, " However happy parents are with their second child, they will never welcome it with as much enchantment as they did their eldest daughter."
Additionally, much of the research presented is not new, and has been presented in previous books about children.

[Lib · Rating 3 out of 5]

Skim read this as lots of generalisations and fluff

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book wasn't horrible, it just felt like a lot of speculation. I myself am in the unique situation of being both an eldest and middle child (my half brother is 12 years older), so I understood a lot of what the book was talking about. I believe some of the generalizations to be true, some not. I left the book kind of feeling like "Why did I read this?"