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Enemy: A Daughter’s Story of How Her Father Brought the Vietnam War Home
'I was born into the war still raging inside my father.'
Ruth Clare's father came back from the war a changed man: a violent and controlling parent and a dominating, aggressive husband. Through a childhood of being constantly on guard, with no one to protect her but herself, Ruth learned to be strong and fierce in the face of fear.
After escaping her difficult upbringing, Ruth went on to have children of her own. The challenges of parenting left her desperate for reassurance that she would not repeat her father's behavior. She met with other veterans and began learning about the effects of conscription, military training and post-traumatic stress disorder. The stories Ruth uncovered left her with surprising empathy for the man who caused her so much pain, and renewed her determination to stop the legacy of war passing down to the next generation.
Weaving a striking personal narrative with a revelatory exploration about the effects of war, Enemy is a bold, compelling and ultimately triumphant memoir from a hugely impressive new Australian writer.
Ruth Clare's father came back from the war a changed man: a violent and controlling parent and a dominating, aggressive husband. Through a childhood of being constantly on guard, with no one to protect her but herself, Ruth learned to be strong and fierce in the face of fear.
After escaping her difficult upbringing, Ruth went on to have children of her own. The challenges of parenting left her desperate for reassurance that she would not repeat her father's behavior. She met with other veterans and began learning about the effects of conscription, military training and post-traumatic stress disorder. The stories Ruth uncovered left her with surprising empathy for the man who caused her so much pain, and renewed her determination to stop the legacy of war passing down to the next generation.
Weaving a striking personal narrative with a revelatory exploration about the effects of war, Enemy is a bold, compelling and ultimately triumphant memoir from a hugely impressive new Australian writer.
320 pages, Paperback
First published February 29, 2016
5 people are currently reading
189 people want to read
About the author
Ruth Clare
3 books12 followersRuth Clare is the award-winning author of the memoir, ENEMY: a true story of courage, childhood trauma and the cost of war, which was first published by Penguin in 2016. She is also a keynote speaker and mental health advocate whose TEDx talk ‘The Pain of Hiding Your True Self’ has had over half a million views. Ruth lives in Melbourne, Australia with her husband and two children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews
July 1, 2024
Enemy is a strong memoir which deserves its place in the wider reading world, it needs to be more than a hidden gem. Ruth’s father went to war, birth date mandating his attendance, returning a changed man, affecting his family unit of five in unimaginable and far-reaching ways. This is Ruth’s story.
Told with candid honesty from the earliest memories at age three to becoming a mother herself, to the arrival at the realisation the effects of a chaotic and rigid upbringing have had on her entire being. Her own maternal experience and the reactions she has with her children which she holds so dear have obvious implications which led her to introspection and closer thought. The correlation here to me personally, is extremely interesting and valid. The study of her life and that of her family which she needs to reach internally is heartbreaking, as she makes confronting connections from her childhood trauma lasting till the present day.
Through the exploration of what this entails, the extremeness, the regimented violence, the addiction, and the daily emotional battlefield, the author further researches the effects of war on the young men sent away, returning as pariahs from an unwelcome war, mostly unable to interact with life in the way they had previously on their return. Speaking directly with other veterans to gain vital knowledge in the ways their personal and emotional beings are changed forever, most are unable to cope with life afterwards appropriately.
In her own family, all implications were negative. Feeling unloved, traumatised, always on the ready to deliver to their father what he wanted and when, a constant state of preparedness all times of the day depending on the scale of ever-changing moods. A ceaseless list of what to deliver to this unpredictable and violent man, a continual messy flowchart that is never-ending dependent on mood, time of day, alcohol intake, and so on.
An entire childhood spent on eggshells, the children faced the impossible task of no noise, mess, proof of living. The effects not only physical, emotional abuse, all levels of control toward his wife and children. The direct effect of alcohol on this family saddened me as well, but my personal experience proves this is not an exception to the rule. This is not uncommon.
With a father serving in the same war and growing up in a nuclear family like Ruth’s, I found this book to be full of new information, kind of like ‘how did I not know this’. Research highlighting many important themes which would be helpful to many families. The emotional impact is acute.
What must not be forgotten is these men returned to their country feeling as having done the wrong thing, the war which their country folk mostly disagreed with, even older generations dismissing their efforts entirely.
I enjoyed Ruth’s author notes at the end, also including solid information for resources and where to seek help. Enemy: A True Story of Courage, Childhood Trauma and the Cost of War is important, compelling and relevant in Australia given the many families touched by this war and the myriad of ways the trauma has manifested sadly in silence, I’d not hesitate to say even at times unaware by a part of this population. This need not be the case. This story is testament for others to seek help. These problems spread into the many tributaries that make up a family.
I listened to this via the BorrowBox app and my public library, narrated by the author which provided an extra benefit for emotion and storytelling purposes.
Told with candid honesty from the earliest memories at age three to becoming a mother herself, to the arrival at the realisation the effects of a chaotic and rigid upbringing have had on her entire being. Her own maternal experience and the reactions she has with her children which she holds so dear have obvious implications which led her to introspection and closer thought. The correlation here to me personally, is extremely interesting and valid. The study of her life and that of her family which she needs to reach internally is heartbreaking, as she makes confronting connections from her childhood trauma lasting till the present day.
Through the exploration of what this entails, the extremeness, the regimented violence, the addiction, and the daily emotional battlefield, the author further researches the effects of war on the young men sent away, returning as pariahs from an unwelcome war, mostly unable to interact with life in the way they had previously on their return. Speaking directly with other veterans to gain vital knowledge in the ways their personal and emotional beings are changed forever, most are unable to cope with life afterwards appropriately.
In her own family, all implications were negative. Feeling unloved, traumatised, always on the ready to deliver to their father what he wanted and when, a constant state of preparedness all times of the day depending on the scale of ever-changing moods. A ceaseless list of what to deliver to this unpredictable and violent man, a continual messy flowchart that is never-ending dependent on mood, time of day, alcohol intake, and so on.
An entire childhood spent on eggshells, the children faced the impossible task of no noise, mess, proof of living. The effects not only physical, emotional abuse, all levels of control toward his wife and children. The direct effect of alcohol on this family saddened me as well, but my personal experience proves this is not an exception to the rule. This is not uncommon.
With a father serving in the same war and growing up in a nuclear family like Ruth’s, I found this book to be full of new information, kind of like ‘how did I not know this’. Research highlighting many important themes which would be helpful to many families. The emotional impact is acute.
What must not be forgotten is these men returned to their country feeling as having done the wrong thing, the war which their country folk mostly disagreed with, even older generations dismissing their efforts entirely.
I enjoyed Ruth’s author notes at the end, also including solid information for resources and where to seek help. Enemy: A True Story of Courage, Childhood Trauma and the Cost of War is important, compelling and relevant in Australia given the many families touched by this war and the myriad of ways the trauma has manifested sadly in silence, I’d not hesitate to say even at times unaware by a part of this population. This need not be the case. This story is testament for others to seek help. These problems spread into the many tributaries that make up a family.
I listened to this via the BorrowBox app and my public library, narrated by the author which provided an extra benefit for emotion and storytelling purposes.
July 31, 2023
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher (and author) for the Kindle ARC. Ruth Clare's memoir of growing up in a household ruled by a parent with PTSD is both heartbreaking and heart-felt. As a person who also grew up in a home with psychological abuse, her story is true to my heart. Her need to understand the actions of her father as she raises her own children also strikes a chord with the reader. I applaud Ms. Clare's courage and resilience in writing her story.
May 13, 2024
Story and Content: A-
Writing: A-
Narration: A
Best Aspect: An brave and honest memoir about growing up in a family when abuse occurs.
Worst Aspect: Very descriptive abuse can be hard to listen to, but it gets the point across.
Recommend: Yes.
Writing: A-
Narration: A
Best Aspect: An brave and honest memoir about growing up in a family when abuse occurs.
Worst Aspect: Very descriptive abuse can be hard to listen to, but it gets the point across.
Recommend: Yes.
November 26, 2016
A heartbreaking memoir about growing up in a family wrecked by PTSD and abuse. Clare writes bravely about the impossible struggles of her childhood while casting a revealing light on the ways that neglect of Vietnam War veterans destroyed lives and families.
April 30, 2024
[I received a free audiobook copy from Bolinda Audio and Netgalley. This review is done freely, honestly and without payment]
[Ich habe ein kostenloses Hörbuchexemplar von Bolinda Audio und Netgalley erhalten. Die Rezension erfolgt freiwillig, ehrlich und ohne Vergütung.]
Thank you! <3
“My dad’s conflict had not ended when he left the battlefield. It continued on forever inside him, sending shockwaves into the hearts and souls of his family.“
(DEUTSCH WEITER UNTEN)
I don’t really know where to start, because this memoir affected me more than I would have thought at the beginning.
In this book, Ruth Clare impressively illustrates what untreated trauma can do to a person - how it can change them. It shows how trauma can be passed down through generations, shape families and perhaps even destroy them in the end.
And it also shows how people may no longer be able to remember what they have done because everything is blocked out. How people lose control over themselves and their actions because they live in fight or flight mode. Because it’s just survival.
And this book shows us what trauma that is not dealt with and recognised does to the people around it. We accompany Ruth through her childhood, adolescence and, in some scenes, through her adulthood. We experience a cycle of love, violence, loss, despair, self-deprecation and much more.
The book makes me angry at the system and makes me think about my own history. Many things that I keep pushing away have come up and had to be addressed/discussed in the last few days.
Personally, the book has made me realise that I am far from finished coming to terms with my own past.
It is not an easy read, but anyone who is interested in understanding how war and trauma affect us should give „Enemy“ a chance.
For me personally, it is a very courageous work, as Ruth Clare has made herself very vulnerable.
Englisch audiobook:
Ruth Clare has read her own memoir and I am still deeply impressed. Her power of speech is incredible and so much emotion came across throughout the book that I can only praise her.
Clare read as if she was really telling someone a story. She played with her voice, perhaps letting her emotions and memories guide her. I would recommend this book as an audiobook to anyone, as Clare’s voice creates a very intimate experience.
(DEUTSCH)
Ich weiß gar nicht so recht, wo ich anfangen soll, da dieses Memoire doch mehr mit mir gemacht hat, als ich zu Beginn gedacht hätte.
Ruth Clare verdeutlicht in diesem Buch auf beeindruckende Weise, was unbehandeltes Trauma mit einem Menschen machen - wie es ihn verändern – kann. Es zeigt, wie Traumata über Generationen weitergegeben werden, Familien prägen und am Ende vielleicht auch irgendwie zerstören.
Und es zeigt auch, wie Menschen sich vielleicht gar nicht mehr an ihre Taten erinnern können, weil alles ganz arg verdrängt wird. Wie Menschen die Kontrolle über sich und ihr Handeln verlieren, weil sie im Fight or Flight Modus Leben. Weil es nur ein Überleben ist.
Und dieses Buch zeigt uns, was Trauma, welches nicht aufgearbeitet und anerkannt wird, mit dem Umfeld macht. Wir begleiten Ruth durch ihre Kindheit, Jugend und Szenenweise auch durch ihre Erwachsen sein. Wir erleben einen Kreislauf aus Liebe, Gewalt, Verlust, Verzweiflung, Selbstabwertung und vielem mehr.
Das Buch macht mich wütend auf das System und mach mich nachdenklich in Bezug auf meine eigene Geschichte. Viele Dinge, die ich immer wieder wegschiebe, sind hochgekommen und mussten in den letzten Tagen angesprochen/besprochen werden.
Mir persönlich hat das Buch mitgegeben, dass auch ich noch lang nicht fertig mit der Aufarbeitung meiner Geschichte bin.
Es ist keine leichte Lektüre, aber wer Interesse daran hat zu verstehen, wie sich Krieg und Trauma auf uns auswirken, der sollte „Enemy“ eine Chance geben.
Für mich persönlich ein sehr mutiges Werk, da Ruth Clare sich sehr verletzlich gezeigt hat.
Englisches Hörbuch:
Ruth Clare hat ihr eigenes Memoire gelesen und ich bin noch immer zutiefst beeindruckt. Ihre Sprachgewalt ist unglaublich und im Laufe des Buches sind so viele Emotionen rübergekommen, dass ich nur ein Lob aussprechen kann.
Clare hat gelesen, als würde man jemandem wirklich eine Geschichte erzählen. Sie hat mit ihrer Stimme gespielt, sich von ihren Emotionen und Erinnerungen vielleicht leiten lassen. Ich würde das Buch jedem als Hörbuch ans Herz legen, da durch die Stimme von Clare eine hautnahe Erfahrung zustande kommt.
[Ich habe ein kostenloses Hörbuchexemplar von Bolinda Audio und Netgalley erhalten. Die Rezension erfolgt freiwillig, ehrlich und ohne Vergütung.]
Thank you! <3
“My dad’s conflict had not ended when he left the battlefield. It continued on forever inside him, sending shockwaves into the hearts and souls of his family.“
(DEUTSCH WEITER UNTEN)
I don’t really know where to start, because this memoir affected me more than I would have thought at the beginning.
In this book, Ruth Clare impressively illustrates what untreated trauma can do to a person - how it can change them. It shows how trauma can be passed down through generations, shape families and perhaps even destroy them in the end.
And it also shows how people may no longer be able to remember what they have done because everything is blocked out. How people lose control over themselves and their actions because they live in fight or flight mode. Because it’s just survival.
And this book shows us what trauma that is not dealt with and recognised does to the people around it. We accompany Ruth through her childhood, adolescence and, in some scenes, through her adulthood. We experience a cycle of love, violence, loss, despair, self-deprecation and much more.
The book makes me angry at the system and makes me think about my own history. Many things that I keep pushing away have come up and had to be addressed/discussed in the last few days.
Personally, the book has made me realise that I am far from finished coming to terms with my own past.
It is not an easy read, but anyone who is interested in understanding how war and trauma affect us should give „Enemy“ a chance.
For me personally, it is a very courageous work, as Ruth Clare has made herself very vulnerable.
Englisch audiobook:
Ruth Clare has read her own memoir and I am still deeply impressed. Her power of speech is incredible and so much emotion came across throughout the book that I can only praise her.
Clare read as if she was really telling someone a story. She played with her voice, perhaps letting her emotions and memories guide her. I would recommend this book as an audiobook to anyone, as Clare’s voice creates a very intimate experience.
(DEUTSCH)
Ich weiß gar nicht so recht, wo ich anfangen soll, da dieses Memoire doch mehr mit mir gemacht hat, als ich zu Beginn gedacht hätte.
Ruth Clare verdeutlicht in diesem Buch auf beeindruckende Weise, was unbehandeltes Trauma mit einem Menschen machen - wie es ihn verändern – kann. Es zeigt, wie Traumata über Generationen weitergegeben werden, Familien prägen und am Ende vielleicht auch irgendwie zerstören.
Und es zeigt auch, wie Menschen sich vielleicht gar nicht mehr an ihre Taten erinnern können, weil alles ganz arg verdrängt wird. Wie Menschen die Kontrolle über sich und ihr Handeln verlieren, weil sie im Fight or Flight Modus Leben. Weil es nur ein Überleben ist.
Und dieses Buch zeigt uns, was Trauma, welches nicht aufgearbeitet und anerkannt wird, mit dem Umfeld macht. Wir begleiten Ruth durch ihre Kindheit, Jugend und Szenenweise auch durch ihre Erwachsen sein. Wir erleben einen Kreislauf aus Liebe, Gewalt, Verlust, Verzweiflung, Selbstabwertung und vielem mehr.
Das Buch macht mich wütend auf das System und mach mich nachdenklich in Bezug auf meine eigene Geschichte. Viele Dinge, die ich immer wieder wegschiebe, sind hochgekommen und mussten in den letzten Tagen angesprochen/besprochen werden.
Mir persönlich hat das Buch mitgegeben, dass auch ich noch lang nicht fertig mit der Aufarbeitung meiner Geschichte bin.
Es ist keine leichte Lektüre, aber wer Interesse daran hat zu verstehen, wie sich Krieg und Trauma auf uns auswirken, der sollte „Enemy“ eine Chance geben.
Für mich persönlich ein sehr mutiges Werk, da Ruth Clare sich sehr verletzlich gezeigt hat.
Englisches Hörbuch:
Ruth Clare hat ihr eigenes Memoire gelesen und ich bin noch immer zutiefst beeindruckt. Ihre Sprachgewalt ist unglaublich und im Laufe des Buches sind so viele Emotionen rübergekommen, dass ich nur ein Lob aussprechen kann.
Clare hat gelesen, als würde man jemandem wirklich eine Geschichte erzählen. Sie hat mit ihrer Stimme gespielt, sich von ihren Emotionen und Erinnerungen vielleicht leiten lassen. Ich würde das Buch jedem als Hörbuch ans Herz legen, da durch die Stimme von Clare eine hautnahe Erfahrung zustande kommt.
August 4, 2017
A beautiful memoir about how our childhood shapes us and the scars it leaves. I could very much relate to Ruth's need to understand her father after having her own children and the memories of her childhood being triggered. She really brought to life the effect of PTSD on war veterans and the ignored history of Vietnam Vets. Love it.
April 26, 2024
It takes courage to tell our darkest secrets, and Clare has left no holds barred. Thank you so much for this incredible book, to Clare for reading her own story, and NetGalley for the ARC.
April 19, 2016
I had never been to war, but I knew what it was like to be prepared to face the enemy every day. The difference was, my enemy wasn't a faceless stranger. My enemy was someone I loved
God, what an utterly brilliant and moving memoir. Absolutely one of the best I've ever read. It was agonizing; many times while I read this book in public I had to breathe and look up to stop the sudden tears. Ruth effortlessly made me feel her story as well as read it. I felt every slap, every unkind word, and ached with disappointment for every time Ruth succeeded only to be brought low. She loved her father, that was evident, but I never did and his character will haunt me for a long time.
Alternating between Adult Ruth and Child Ruth, this story drew me in and kept me to the last page. I actually wanted more by the last page, like how she met her husband and more about her children. Hopefully there is an addition to this story at some point in the future.
For anyone wanting to know more about the effect of the Vietnam war or just after a good memoir, and absolute five star book!
God, what an utterly brilliant and moving memoir. Absolutely one of the best I've ever read. It was agonizing; many times while I read this book in public I had to breathe and look up to stop the sudden tears. Ruth effortlessly made me feel her story as well as read it. I felt every slap, every unkind word, and ached with disappointment for every time Ruth succeeded only to be brought low. She loved her father, that was evident, but I never did and his character will haunt me for a long time.
Alternating between Adult Ruth and Child Ruth, this story drew me in and kept me to the last page. I actually wanted more by the last page, like how she met her husband and more about her children. Hopefully there is an addition to this story at some point in the future.
For anyone wanting to know more about the effect of the Vietnam war or just after a good memoir, and absolute five star book!
June 8, 2024
This is a touching tale of a young girl growing up under an abusive father in Rockhampton.
I wasn't sure what to expect when I borrowed this (audio)book from the library. Having recently read Grace Tame's memoir, I wasn't sure if I was going to experience a variation on the theme: this time a child holding the spotlight to the horror of when a father who is supposed to be in the trusted circle of family is an abuser.
Ruth Clare does do that, but she also delivers so much more. What I particularly loved about this book is her willingness to hold in tension, and also refuse to resolve neatly, the reality that her father was 100% responsible for the violent behaviour he displayed toward his family. Yet at the same time, Clare explores how much he was shaped by his experiences through the Vietnam war, and the battles that many war veterans have to fight on the home-front after war shapes the way their bodies and brains respond to trauma.
I would have liked to explore a little more of Ruth's journeys as an adult, unpacking and rewiring her own emotional self, but I also appreciate that maybe that would have defeated the point. Read a book like this & think about how we're all works in progress, shaped by our experiences, but also called to grab the reigns of our own lives.
I wasn't sure what to expect when I borrowed this (audio)book from the library. Having recently read Grace Tame's memoir, I wasn't sure if I was going to experience a variation on the theme: this time a child holding the spotlight to the horror of when a father who is supposed to be in the trusted circle of family is an abuser.
Ruth Clare does do that, but she also delivers so much more. What I particularly loved about this book is her willingness to hold in tension, and also refuse to resolve neatly, the reality that her father was 100% responsible for the violent behaviour he displayed toward his family. Yet at the same time, Clare explores how much he was shaped by his experiences through the Vietnam war, and the battles that many war veterans have to fight on the home-front after war shapes the way their bodies and brains respond to trauma.
I would have liked to explore a little more of Ruth's journeys as an adult, unpacking and rewiring her own emotional self, but I also appreciate that maybe that would have defeated the point. Read a book like this & think about how we're all works in progress, shaped by our experiences, but also called to grab the reigns of our own lives.
May 19, 2023
Crucial reading for anyone who is the child of a Veteran or more specifically a Vietnam Veteran. I honestly couldn’t possibly feel more validated by a book if any other book dared to try. Just when I thought it couldn’t grip me one more time, it gripped me over and over again. I wasn’t even born in the same decade as the Vietnam War, but it lived on in my fathers wiring in some strange way that could do nothing but have a major impact on my life and psychological makeup from a young age onwards. The parallels described here are a conversation I’ve been needing to have with someone (even if in book form) for my entire life.
Through memoir, storytelling, research and interviews Ruth Clare paints a picture of the heartache and fallout of being the child of someone living with PTSD from the Vietnam War. She describes with great empathy the how’s and why’s of this particular war having such a different impact compared to earlier wars including the sense of shame experienced by those who returned; something which only further compounded their symptoms and most likely made them even less likely to seek out the full extent of help that they so truely needed.
The descriptions of being a child who was always on high alert and who had developed a hyper vigilance that no child should have to for fear of winding up in trouble (over and over, again and again and again) for something completely benign or not even a thing are all too familiar.
Most important to me was the moment that Ruth described how in later years her father had no real memory or recollection of how things really were when she was a child (impaired memory being a byproduct of PTSD), a symptom which I have also discovered that my father experiences. She expressed gratitude for having siblings who could corroborate how things really were and describes how she would have felt insane if she were an only child forging forward with everything completely unacknowledged or denied.
I was the only child… but this book made me feel for the first time like I had a witness for things and ways that will never be fully acknowledged in my lifetime. I’m very grateful to Ruth for pouring her heart into writing this difficult but very important book. Thank you.
Through memoir, storytelling, research and interviews Ruth Clare paints a picture of the heartache and fallout of being the child of someone living with PTSD from the Vietnam War. She describes with great empathy the how’s and why’s of this particular war having such a different impact compared to earlier wars including the sense of shame experienced by those who returned; something which only further compounded their symptoms and most likely made them even less likely to seek out the full extent of help that they so truely needed.
The descriptions of being a child who was always on high alert and who had developed a hyper vigilance that no child should have to for fear of winding up in trouble (over and over, again and again and again) for something completely benign or not even a thing are all too familiar.
Most important to me was the moment that Ruth described how in later years her father had no real memory or recollection of how things really were when she was a child (impaired memory being a byproduct of PTSD), a symptom which I have also discovered that my father experiences. She expressed gratitude for having siblings who could corroborate how things really were and describes how she would have felt insane if she were an only child forging forward with everything completely unacknowledged or denied.
I was the only child… but this book made me feel for the first time like I had a witness for things and ways that will never be fully acknowledged in my lifetime. I’m very grateful to Ruth for pouring her heart into writing this difficult but very important book. Thank you.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 8, 2017
I met Ruth Clare at the Brisbane Writer’s Festival, and was so intrigued by her story I bought her book – a memoir of growing up with a brutal and domineering father who had been damaged by his experiences in the Vietnam war. I’ve always been interested in the way violence done to one generation can warp and cripple the generations to follow, and the difficulties in breaking the cycles of harm. Ruth Clare’s memoir is a searing indictment of the shadow cast by the Vietnam war, and a timely reminder of the imperative to learn from the mistakes of the past.
The most poignant aspect of the novel, for me, was the way Ruth Clare’s mother was broken by her husband’s violence … and the fact that Ruth herself was able to survive and heal, and build a new life for herself. A powerful and heart-rending memoir, told with grace and empathy.
The most poignant aspect of the novel, for me, was the way Ruth Clare’s mother was broken by her husband’s violence … and the fact that Ruth herself was able to survive and heal, and build a new life for herself. A powerful and heart-rending memoir, told with grace and empathy.
October 26, 2018
Deeply moving memoir that drew me in from the very start. I felt Ruth's pain and anguish as well as her anger which ultimately dragged her through this experience with dignity.
There are lessons to be learned here by governments about how we treat our military personnel returning from war/conflict zones. The impact of their experiences when they return to normal life cannot be underestimated. It affects not just them but their personal relationships and unless we provide appropriate support, families will continue to struggle through dealing with the devastating affects of PTSD.
There are lessons to be learned here by governments about how we treat our military personnel returning from war/conflict zones. The impact of their experiences when they return to normal life cannot be underestimated. It affects not just them but their personal relationships and unless we provide appropriate support, families will continue to struggle through dealing with the devastating affects of PTSD.
April 18, 2022
A coming to terms with trauma that's told tenderly and true.
July 11, 2019
I started reading Enemy a bit over a week ago to attend one of Ruth Clare's memoir-writing workshops.
Coming in off the back of the Alannah Hill memoir 'Butterfly on a Pin', I have had quite a bit of childhood trauma in my reading lately and it is a genre I tend to avoid.
Like Hill's memoir, the first few chapters are horrific and jarring and after the first few accounts of childhood physical and mental abuse, as that is what it was, I didn't think I could read any more and quickly skipped to the juxtaposed chapters of Clare's adult research into Vietnam veterans' to try to make sense of what and why her father may have done the things that he did.
The research revealed sociological and psychological explanations but made me wonder what percentage of vets were affected like this. An interesting fact was that training before combat was believed to be one of the major causes that could have triggered the abuser, which leaves question marks around the thousands of men who were trained, but didn't go to war. I also wondered, how many men who weren't trained for frontline combat and didn't go to war were still abusive toward their wives and children. The whole thing made me pretty sad.
One of the saddest aspects of Clare's story was her mother developing alcoholism after the father left. Clare's compassion for her mother struck me as one of the most moving parts of the story.
Although the theme of the memoir was about the father who brought the Vietnam War back home, it is still primarily Clare's story, as the memoir is through her eyes, and as such, I became invested in her and not just that she survived and thrived, but how. I would have liked to have know more about her in regards to her relationships with other kids at school, her brother (where little was really drawn) and the teachers and her peers (besides the awesome comeback on the 'your mum is a drunk' schoolyard episode). I wanted to know more about the development of Clare past school and in her uni days and connecting with people and forming her own successful relationships. How did she navigate that? How could she trust again? How did she felt about starting a family of her own when all she had known and grown up with was distress and fear. The ending was lovely but I wanted to find out how she came to that point, because, by then, I had really started to care.
Coming in off the back of the Alannah Hill memoir 'Butterfly on a Pin', I have had quite a bit of childhood trauma in my reading lately and it is a genre I tend to avoid.
Like Hill's memoir, the first few chapters are horrific and jarring and after the first few accounts of childhood physical and mental abuse, as that is what it was, I didn't think I could read any more and quickly skipped to the juxtaposed chapters of Clare's adult research into Vietnam veterans' to try to make sense of what and why her father may have done the things that he did.
The research revealed sociological and psychological explanations but made me wonder what percentage of vets were affected like this. An interesting fact was that training before combat was believed to be one of the major causes that could have triggered the abuser, which leaves question marks around the thousands of men who were trained, but didn't go to war. I also wondered, how many men who weren't trained for frontline combat and didn't go to war were still abusive toward their wives and children. The whole thing made me pretty sad.
One of the saddest aspects of Clare's story was her mother developing alcoholism after the father left. Clare's compassion for her mother struck me as one of the most moving parts of the story.
Although the theme of the memoir was about the father who brought the Vietnam War back home, it is still primarily Clare's story, as the memoir is through her eyes, and as such, I became invested in her and not just that she survived and thrived, but how. I would have liked to have know more about her in regards to her relationships with other kids at school, her brother (where little was really drawn) and the teachers and her peers (besides the awesome comeback on the 'your mum is a drunk' schoolyard episode). I wanted to know more about the development of Clare past school and in her uni days and connecting with people and forming her own successful relationships. How did she navigate that? How could she trust again? How did she felt about starting a family of her own when all she had known and grown up with was distress and fear. The ending was lovely but I wanted to find out how she came to that point, because, by then, I had really started to care.
September 2, 2023
This was a moving and thought-provoking book that explorers the relationship between a daughter and her Vietnam Vet father. This memoir sheds light on the profound impact war can have on an individual and their loved ones.
To me, one of the most compelling aspects of this book is it's raw and honest portrayal of Ruth's journey.
Ruth skillfully captures the conflicting emotions experienced by her, showcasing her initial confusion, anger, and resentment towards her father. Throughout the book we witness her gradual realization that her father's abusive behavior stems from the deep scars left by the war.
Ruth's writing style is captivating and immersed me into her world and evoked a range of emotions for me.
Being a daughter also of a Vietnam Vet, I was curious to see what Ruth went through. Although, I was fortunate my father wasn't abusive, there were signs of his struggle coming back from the war and until this day, even.
I applaud for Ruth for being brave to write her story and recommend reading this book.
To me, one of the most compelling aspects of this book is it's raw and honest portrayal of Ruth's journey.
Ruth skillfully captures the conflicting emotions experienced by her, showcasing her initial confusion, anger, and resentment towards her father. Throughout the book we witness her gradual realization that her father's abusive behavior stems from the deep scars left by the war.
Ruth's writing style is captivating and immersed me into her world and evoked a range of emotions for me.
Being a daughter also of a Vietnam Vet, I was curious to see what Ruth went through. Although, I was fortunate my father wasn't abusive, there were signs of his struggle coming back from the war and until this day, even.
I applaud for Ruth for being brave to write her story and recommend reading this book.
April 23, 2024
This is an extremely hard memoir to review. It is advertised as a memoir of her father's PSTD from Vietnam but it really is a memoir about her child abuse. It was hard to read because of that, as I struggled listening to tale after tale of her father's relentless verbal and physical abuse toward her and her sister. I ended up putting it down about 40% into the book because I could not handle the child abuse. I wish I could have listened longer to hear her dive deeper into her father's story, as the other reviews seem to indicate this is where the memoir really shines. She has a shocking amount of empathy toward her parents - both her abuser and abuser's enabler - and I am impressed at her ability to feel this way.
The audio was great, again I think the content was a bit too heavy for me at this time to finish.
Thank you to Bolinda and NetGalley for an audio ARC for exchange for an honest review.
The audio was great, again I think the content was a bit too heavy for me at this time to finish.
Thank you to Bolinda and NetGalley for an audio ARC for exchange for an honest review.
October 18, 2018
Ruth's book sears through your soul like a red hot poker and conjours an unsettling image of her young father, fresh off the battlefield in Vietnam, bloodied, horrified and shocked to the very corners of his being, now standing in the lounge room of his Queensland home, imposing his personal horror on the family he must surely love.
As a veteran suffering from PTSD who raised three daughters, Ruth's fearless sharing of her experiences both shreds my being and thrills my heart with her love, optimism and forgiveness. Ruth makes an invaluable contribution to modern war history in publicising the real cost of war, and of the partners and children that carry the burden behind the medals. This story needs to be heard. It is my prayer that the American market discovers this book, they desperately need to journey through Ruth's story and find healing. Thank you Ruth.
As a veteran suffering from PTSD who raised three daughters, Ruth's fearless sharing of her experiences both shreds my being and thrills my heart with her love, optimism and forgiveness. Ruth makes an invaluable contribution to modern war history in publicising the real cost of war, and of the partners and children that carry the burden behind the medals. This story needs to be heard. It is my prayer that the American market discovers this book, they desperately need to journey through Ruth's story and find healing. Thank you Ruth.
July 4, 2024
Reading the deeply personal story that is Enemy made me understand PTSD and its intergenerational effects so much better than reading an academic explanation of it. Ruth Clare writes beautifully, and the book switches seamlessly between her memories of childhood with her Vietnam-war-damaged father and her own experience as a mother. You see so clearly how complex and difficult it is to be both the damaged parent and the child of a veteran with PTSD. Australia didn't treat its Vietnam Vets well, even banning them from RSLs!
This was the paragraph that broke my heart:
"Sometimes I wished I could just hate Dad. But mostly it felt easier to believe I hated him rather than face up to the fact that, despite everything, I had spent my life loving him, longing for him, while he had barely noticed I was alive."
This was the paragraph that broke my heart:
"Sometimes I wished I could just hate Dad. But mostly it felt easier to believe I hated him rather than face up to the fact that, despite everything, I had spent my life loving him, longing for him, while he had barely noticed I was alive."
July 10, 2024
I loved spending time with this scrappy kid, Ruth. She has such spunk and intelligence and many natural gifts. Life threw her a lot of lemons and it was difficult not to feel incredibly angry towards her parents: her father for his violence and her mother for her drinking. Ruth's desire to forgive her father in particular was admirable, and to look for answers regarding the PTSD that many Vietnam veterans bring home with them after the war.
Ruth is a beautiful writer. After her father forgot her birthday but gave her sister a ghetto blaster for hers, Ruth writes:
"I tried to keep my face in a neutral position but my chin moved up and down under aching cheeks. I looked out the window. Clothesline. Fence. Tree. Truck. Water roared in my ears as a wave of worthlessness threatened to lift me off my feet."
I highly recommend this haunting memoir, Enemy.
Ruth is a beautiful writer. After her father forgot her birthday but gave her sister a ghetto blaster for hers, Ruth writes:
"I tried to keep my face in a neutral position but my chin moved up and down under aching cheeks. I looked out the window. Clothesline. Fence. Tree. Truck. Water roared in my ears as a wave of worthlessness threatened to lift me off my feet."
I highly recommend this haunting memoir, Enemy.
July 29, 2023
Enemy May be a difficult book for some readers since the author deals with the extreme abuse she suffered at the hands of her father.
I applaud the author for grappling with this issue. I cheered her in when she told off her father’s girlfriend when she was only.
Clare tries to rationalize her father’s behavior by accrediting it to his service in Vietnam. I think that may partially explain his abusive behavior but I also think he was a real bastard that can’t be excused by anything.
It was interesting to read how Australian soldiers were treated after serving in Vietnam, a subject I knew nothing about.
Clare wrote her story for many reasons and I hope she can lay some of the demons to rest.
Thanks to NetGalley and BooksGoSocial for the digital copy.
I applaud the author for grappling with this issue. I cheered her in when she told off her father’s girlfriend when she was only.
Clare tries to rationalize her father’s behavior by accrediting it to his service in Vietnam. I think that may partially explain his abusive behavior but I also think he was a real bastard that can’t be excused by anything.
It was interesting to read how Australian soldiers were treated after serving in Vietnam, a subject I knew nothing about.
Clare wrote her story for many reasons and I hope she can lay some of the demons to rest.
Thanks to NetGalley and BooksGoSocial for the digital copy.
February 8, 2018
I found this so hard to read to begin with and I didn't know if I was going to be able to push my way through it. It was just so intense and full-on and it made me so sad and angry and also repelled. I peeked ahead and saw he left them and that gave me a reason to keep reading, but then it broke my heart when that didn't change their lives in a overly positive way. I hated her father and was initially resistant to feeling sorry for him, but Clare does such a good job of giving his violence and flaws context within the Vietnam War and PTSD and I ended up feeling both angry and sad for him. When she talks about how she loves him and wanted him to love her despite everything, I cried.
September 7, 2023
Enemy was a really fascinating exploration of the way the effects of war ripple out to impact those beyond just the people directly involved. Ruth Clare mixes writing about her childhood with her journey as an adult trying to find out how his experience in the Vietnam War caused her father
to behave the way he did. Clare's compassion and honesty enable her to craft a memoir that is unflinching in her description of her abusive childhood, while also examining the ways in which things are much more complicated than simply abuser as evil. Definitely worth reading for anyone interested in how generational trauma can manifest.
to behave the way he did. Clare's compassion and honesty enable her to craft a memoir that is unflinching in her description of her abusive childhood, while also examining the ways in which things are much more complicated than simply abuser as evil. Definitely worth reading for anyone interested in how generational trauma can manifest.
May 25, 2024
Thanks to NetGalley and Bolinda Audio for the audiobook ARC!
Enemy must have been tough to write. It was certainly tough to listen to. But the author's humanity and raw vulnerability made it worth the pain. Having grown up in a relatively happy home with a relatively normal childhood, I can't really relate to the author's upbringing. But she does a good job of helping the reader to put him/herself in the situation and feel the difficulty of hating someone that you know you should love, and trying to love someone that you know you should hate. Definitely some trigger stuff here for anyone who endured childhood abuse, but definitely inspiring.
Enemy must have been tough to write. It was certainly tough to listen to. But the author's humanity and raw vulnerability made it worth the pain. Having grown up in a relatively happy home with a relatively normal childhood, I can't really relate to the author's upbringing. But she does a good job of helping the reader to put him/herself in the situation and feel the difficulty of hating someone that you know you should love, and trying to love someone that you know you should hate. Definitely some trigger stuff here for anyone who endured childhood abuse, but definitely inspiring.
June 17, 2024
First, I would like to thank to NetGalley, Ruth Clare and the publisher for offering me a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
This is a deeply moving and heartbreaking memoir that explores the impact of war on families. Ruth Clare recounts her painful childhood with her traumatized father by his Vietnam War service, revealing the lasting scars on their family.
Through the raw and honest writing, the author deeply explores into her father's violent behavior and her own journey of healing and forgiveness.
This powerful narrative highlights the need for better support for veterans and their loved ones, offering valuable insights into trauma, resilience and peace
This is a deeply moving and heartbreaking memoir that explores the impact of war on families. Ruth Clare recounts her painful childhood with her traumatized father by his Vietnam War service, revealing the lasting scars on their family.
Through the raw and honest writing, the author deeply explores into her father's violent behavior and her own journey of healing and forgiveness.
This powerful narrative highlights the need for better support for veterans and their loved ones, offering valuable insights into trauma, resilience and peace
February 24, 2018
It broke my heart what Ruth and her mother and siblings went through! It was just so wrong ... and yet you can't really blame her dad. I hope it would be different in this day and age, that people who have been to war are given adequate counselling and help, but is it??? I thoroughly enjoyed the parts of the book where Ruth reports back on the men she talked to. Truly fascinating and I hope this gave her the peace she needed so the damage that occurred as a child doesn't continue to impact on her life and her own children. A very strong lady.
May 27, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the audiobook. Great narrator, well read
The story itself had me hooked. A story of family, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, highlighting the impact and legacy of war
I particularly liked that this story was told from the viewpoint of the child in the family, rather than from the mother or third person POV
If Goodreads allowed half stars this would be a 4.5 star for me
The story itself had me hooked. A story of family, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, highlighting the impact and legacy of war
I particularly liked that this story was told from the viewpoint of the child in the family, rather than from the mother or third person POV
If Goodreads allowed half stars this would be a 4.5 star for me
July 13, 2019
A wonderful, sympathetic and very honest account of living with a father who 'brought the Vietnam War home with him". So worthwhile to gain some degree of insight about what it must have been like for those who were forever tarnished by their experience - or the experience of others.
May 2, 2024
Thoroughly interesting yet devastating listen. I really appreciated that the author read the audiobook even though it must have been difficult. The psychology behind the abuse and the treatment of vets post the Vietnam war were very interesting and well presented.
August 9, 2024
Thanks to Ruth Clare for giving me a copy of her book.
This is a powerful and poignant memoir providing an amazing and confronting insight into living with a brutal and damaged father (from his Vietnam War Service).
Ruth shared her story with honesty and vulnerability as there is a lot in this book about the abuse she experienced from her father.
This is a powerful and poignant memoir providing an amazing and confronting insight into living with a brutal and damaged father (from his Vietnam War Service).
Ruth shared her story with honesty and vulnerability as there is a lot in this book about the abuse she experienced from her father.
January 8, 2019
Such a powerful, important story.
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