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Mother and Son: The Respect Effect
From the New York Times best-selling author of Love & Respect comes the definitive book for mothers and sons. Love is important, but it is respect that is the key to your son’s heart.
Dads and their boys are often best buddies. But what's the key to a successful and healthy mother-son bond? Informed by relevant scripture and up-to-date psychological research, Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D., explores this foundational relationship to show how loving and respecting your little boy can help him grow into a mature, responsible, and godly man.
The idea of moms respecting their sons may sound strange to some. It's easy to recognize that little girls need dad’s love, but who is strongly promoting the truth that little boys (and big ones) need mom's respect?
In Mothers & The Respect Effect, readers will
Why respect matters in a mother-son relationshipA method based on the testimonies of thousands of mothersSpecific responses that can be given instead of how you would “normally” respondPractical applications, especially for parenting teen boysJust as Emerson Eggerichs transformed millions of marital relationships with a biblical understanding of love and respect, you can apply these same principles to transform your relationship with your son.
Mother & Son is also available in Spanish, Madre e hijo.
Dads and their boys are often best buddies. But what's the key to a successful and healthy mother-son bond? Informed by relevant scripture and up-to-date psychological research, Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D., explores this foundational relationship to show how loving and respecting your little boy can help him grow into a mature, responsible, and godly man.
The idea of moms respecting their sons may sound strange to some. It's easy to recognize that little girls need dad’s love, but who is strongly promoting the truth that little boys (and big ones) need mom's respect?
In Mothers & The Respect Effect, readers will
Why respect matters in a mother-son relationshipA method based on the testimonies of thousands of mothersSpecific responses that can be given instead of how you would “normally” respondPractical applications, especially for parenting teen boysJust as Emerson Eggerichs transformed millions of marital relationships with a biblical understanding of love and respect, you can apply these same principles to transform your relationship with your son.
Mother & Son is also available in Spanish, Madre e hijo.
291 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 5, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 251 reviews
March 2, 2019
If you are a parent in the 1950s, this book may be for you.
Honestly, Eggerichs has some good points, but these are heavily overshadowed by the patriarchal and misogynistic language and are much better explained in many other parenting books.
1. The Gender Stereotypes are strong with this one.
"Think of the sentimentality of women. Most men are not as sentimental as women, and the card and gift industry knows it. Or think of women's nurturing nature and the ongoing caregiving they provide within the family and among friends. Yes, men also care, but it differs as blue differs from pink. Look at the tears shed among women when happy, sad, or frustrated. Men do not cry the way women cry. Observe the fears women express that men do not have."
"Think of female medical doctors. Yet they do not have these desires in the same passion and preoccupation when married. God instilled different desires between a husband and wife. Compared to the man, she feels less intensity and interest, for instance, to be the breadwinner, protector, and rescuer for her husband... Commonly, the wife prefers to be the princess, and he prefers to be the prince, with all that symbolizes. This is something innate and wholesome, not sinister... God designed girls with princess mind-set. Check out the costumes sold for kids. What do most little girls long to wear?"
"Along a similar vein, a little girl wants to play with a doll because she feels love for a baby; whereas, a boy wants to play fort and protect the innocent from the evil invader. The boy could care for a baby doll and play house, but he does not want to do that."'
"However, a woman identifies herself most deeply based on her relationships with her children and husband. And it is not that men are indifferent to the family, but they see themselves working on behalf of their wives and children."
"A mom loves her domestic domain-her nest."
"Women are a bit more naive because they are not predators. It isn't that they do not know these things, but generally, they are preoccupied with love relationships and do not pay attention to the shadows."
2. His example of bad mothering are... not helpful.
"Moms have said, 'I intentionally provoke my daughter, knowing she needs to talk.' ... When a mother complains and criticizes, her son filters this through a blue lens in a way that a daughter does not see through her pink lens."
A mother calls her son to breakfast: "What? Who dressed you? A street person has more sense about what to wear than you do. Going to school looking like that would humiliate me. What would people think of me as your mother? If I were not here, I cannot imagine the horrible choices you'd make!"
"Disrespect is not the key to motivating a son to obey. Strong-willed boys will buck a mother when she disciplines them out of contempt for who they are. Males do not submit to disrespectful treatment."
"As a boy ages, a mother must not remain the helicopter mom she probably was when her son was younger."
"Though Jesus died on the cross to save the world from this sinful predicament, some mothers do not accept this biblical worldview that all are fallen and will never be perfect (Rom. 3:23). For instance, such a mother subscribes to the idea that her son is a clean slate for her to write upon. She says, 'Be like me. Do it my way. Now!' When he fails her standard of perfection, she complains, contends, and shows contempt."
"But moms do need reminders to be a little friendlier toward their sons, especially when someone is severely testing her patience, which most often is a boy." "Countless mothers testify, 'There are days when I love my son but, frankly, do not like him.' However, when she is habitually unfriendly, mom needs to ask if she is motivating her son to act as she hopes."
Really?!! When is provoking any child, regardless of gender, a good idea? Who are these alleged Moms? Thank you Dr. Eggerichs, for pointing out so many examples of bad mothering. Seems like a legit strategy.
3. I think you've got it backwards...
"Inadvertently, some women hijack the conversation and shift the attention away from the male. They are not mean-spirited. They feel the need to defend females, believing that applauding male virtue is the same thing as attacking women. They have been conditioned to counter. At some level that's commendable, but I have tracked this long enough to know that they push men and boys into the shadows. They change the topic from the son to the daughter. Every time."
Yes, Dr. Eggerichs, history books are filled with the accomplishments of women, due to the longstanding tradition of women pushing men and boys into the shadows, of only lifting up the great historical feats of women.
4. Things I liked:
Respect-Talk: Encouraging your son. Stating expectations. Positive discipline.
"I need you to ____. You're becoming a man of honor who needs __. Because I respect/believe in you, I will ___."
"I really respect what you have to say."
Don't compare achievements with another child, compare his past efforts with his present efforts.
"I believe in you. I respect your desire to work and achieve."
"I know you are frustrated and angry over not doing as well as you want at soccer. The sadness comes when you do not improve as much as you like. But the thing I respect about you is your desire to keep getting better."
"You are ready for this. You have what it takes to be responsible."
"You can help your son see himself as a problem solver by asking questions. Why give your son the answer when you can give him the opportunity to figure it out?"
*Shoulder-to-Shoulder Time*
Praising your son in front of others.
Honestly, Eggerichs has some good points, but these are heavily overshadowed by the patriarchal and misogynistic language and are much better explained in many other parenting books.
1. The Gender Stereotypes are strong with this one.
"Think of the sentimentality of women. Most men are not as sentimental as women, and the card and gift industry knows it. Or think of women's nurturing nature and the ongoing caregiving they provide within the family and among friends. Yes, men also care, but it differs as blue differs from pink. Look at the tears shed among women when happy, sad, or frustrated. Men do not cry the way women cry. Observe the fears women express that men do not have."
"Think of female medical doctors. Yet they do not have these desires in the same passion and preoccupation when married. God instilled different desires between a husband and wife. Compared to the man, she feels less intensity and interest, for instance, to be the breadwinner, protector, and rescuer for her husband... Commonly, the wife prefers to be the princess, and he prefers to be the prince, with all that symbolizes. This is something innate and wholesome, not sinister... God designed girls with princess mind-set. Check out the costumes sold for kids. What do most little girls long to wear?"
"Along a similar vein, a little girl wants to play with a doll because she feels love for a baby; whereas, a boy wants to play fort and protect the innocent from the evil invader. The boy could care for a baby doll and play house, but he does not want to do that."'
"However, a woman identifies herself most deeply based on her relationships with her children and husband. And it is not that men are indifferent to the family, but they see themselves working on behalf of their wives and children."
"A mom loves her domestic domain-her nest."
"Women are a bit more naive because they are not predators. It isn't that they do not know these things, but generally, they are preoccupied with love relationships and do not pay attention to the shadows."
2. His example of bad mothering are... not helpful.
"Moms have said, 'I intentionally provoke my daughter, knowing she needs to talk.' ... When a mother complains and criticizes, her son filters this through a blue lens in a way that a daughter does not see through her pink lens."
A mother calls her son to breakfast: "What? Who dressed you? A street person has more sense about what to wear than you do. Going to school looking like that would humiliate me. What would people think of me as your mother? If I were not here, I cannot imagine the horrible choices you'd make!"
"Disrespect is not the key to motivating a son to obey. Strong-willed boys will buck a mother when she disciplines them out of contempt for who they are. Males do not submit to disrespectful treatment."
"As a boy ages, a mother must not remain the helicopter mom she probably was when her son was younger."
"Though Jesus died on the cross to save the world from this sinful predicament, some mothers do not accept this biblical worldview that all are fallen and will never be perfect (Rom. 3:23). For instance, such a mother subscribes to the idea that her son is a clean slate for her to write upon. She says, 'Be like me. Do it my way. Now!' When he fails her standard of perfection, she complains, contends, and shows contempt."
"But moms do need reminders to be a little friendlier toward their sons, especially when someone is severely testing her patience, which most often is a boy." "Countless mothers testify, 'There are days when I love my son but, frankly, do not like him.' However, when she is habitually unfriendly, mom needs to ask if she is motivating her son to act as she hopes."
Really?!! When is provoking any child, regardless of gender, a good idea? Who are these alleged Moms? Thank you Dr. Eggerichs, for pointing out so many examples of bad mothering. Seems like a legit strategy.
3. I think you've got it backwards...
"Inadvertently, some women hijack the conversation and shift the attention away from the male. They are not mean-spirited. They feel the need to defend females, believing that applauding male virtue is the same thing as attacking women. They have been conditioned to counter. At some level that's commendable, but I have tracked this long enough to know that they push men and boys into the shadows. They change the topic from the son to the daughter. Every time."
Yes, Dr. Eggerichs, history books are filled with the accomplishments of women, due to the longstanding tradition of women pushing men and boys into the shadows, of only lifting up the great historical feats of women.
4. Things I liked:
Respect-Talk: Encouraging your son. Stating expectations. Positive discipline.
"I need you to ____. You're becoming a man of honor who needs __. Because I respect/believe in you, I will ___."
"I really respect what you have to say."
Don't compare achievements with another child, compare his past efforts with his present efforts.
"I believe in you. I respect your desire to work and achieve."
"I know you are frustrated and angry over not doing as well as you want at soccer. The sadness comes when you do not improve as much as you like. But the thing I respect about you is your desire to keep getting better."
"You are ready for this. You have what it takes to be responsible."
"You can help your son see himself as a problem solver by asking questions. Why give your son the answer when you can give him the opportunity to figure it out?"
*Shoulder-to-Shoulder Time*
Praising your son in front of others.
May 29, 2016
I got a free review copy of this book from Propeller Consulting. I was really looking forward to it as a mom of two boys, 13 and 11. They are definitely at the age where I know they want respect, but they don't always earn it. So I was hoping this book could help me out. Build up our relationship in this awkward phase. That said, I was very disappointed. However, this book did have some really profound points that I did appreciate. Thus, the 3-star review.
What I didn't like:
I found much of the content geared towards much younger boys. Some of it would work with my 11 year old, where if I used the recommended respect language on my 13 year old he would think I was mocking him.
Another issue I had was the authors tone. Much of the writing actually came across like he was talking down to moms. Like we were poor women who just couldn't wrap our minds around anything but love and nurture. Maybe this book would have sat better with me if it were written by someone else?
What I did like:
While the beginning of the book seemed geared towards moms of little kids, the further I got into it the more applicable it became for my situation. Specifically chapter 6 was really helpful.
Everything in this book was spot on. Even when he used a tone I didn't like, or the language he used for communicating with boys was childish at best, the message was right on.
The bottom line is, if you have read and enjoyed the authors other books, I would highly recommend picking this one up. If this is your first book by him... Only pick it up if you can read past the language down to the intended message - because it's a good one.
What I didn't like:
I found much of the content geared towards much younger boys. Some of it would work with my 11 year old, where if I used the recommended respect language on my 13 year old he would think I was mocking him.
Another issue I had was the authors tone. Much of the writing actually came across like he was talking down to moms. Like we were poor women who just couldn't wrap our minds around anything but love and nurture. Maybe this book would have sat better with me if it were written by someone else?
What I did like:
While the beginning of the book seemed geared towards moms of little kids, the further I got into it the more applicable it became for my situation. Specifically chapter 6 was really helpful.
Everything in this book was spot on. Even when he used a tone I didn't like, or the language he used for communicating with boys was childish at best, the message was right on.
The bottom line is, if you have read and enjoyed the authors other books, I would highly recommend picking this one up. If this is your first book by him... Only pick it up if you can read past the language down to the intended message - because it's a good one.
January 11, 2022
After a couple chapters in, I could not finish the book. He is qualifying love as a feminine quality, which I strongly disagree with biblically. He said that we want our sons to be men of love but they want to be men of honor. He really overgeneralizes about women and men, and it was offensive to me how he says that men care much more about the honor and glory of the Lord than women do - we focus on his love. He titles sections "Research shows that..." but then never cites any research. His examples of mothers communicating to their sons also seemed to have a subservient tone that didn't sit quite right to me.
These first few chapters were supposed to be the basis for using his methods, and I disagreed with them so strongly I just couldn't go on to read more of what he had to say. I think he has house own ideas that he wants to present but they are not a biblical picture of parenting or how men and women were created. God IS love, so why are we minimizing love or making it a feminine quality? And Jesus said all the commandments come down to loving the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving your neighbor as yourself. Why can our men not aspire to be men of love AND honor?
These first few chapters were supposed to be the basis for using his methods, and I disagreed with them so strongly I just couldn't go on to read more of what he had to say. I think he has house own ideas that he wants to present but they are not a biblical picture of parenting or how men and women were created. God IS love, so why are we minimizing love or making it a feminine quality? And Jesus said all the commandments come down to loving the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving your neighbor as yourself. Why can our men not aspire to be men of love AND honor?
June 14, 2016
I think this book is not only great for the mother/son relationship, but it has lots of good advice to offer grandparents and even wives for the husbands in their lives. Every man is someone’s son, and he may have never gotten what it is he truly desires and needs in his life. Respect.
For women and moms, love is an easy thing to show and lavish on our family and friends. Respect is another matter all together sometimes. Women and men are wired differently and are able to express (or not express) ourselves differently. We are able to communicate differently. That’s just the way it is.
The author gives specific responses that can be given instead of how you would “normally” respond. I think this is helpful. It may not be the absolute best reply to your son in a particular circumstance or based on your son’s personality, but I think it is a useful guideline of what to say. For me, this is a reprogramming that needs to take place IN ME and how I respond to conversations and situations. This will take some time to “perfect.”
I definitely think this is a useful book that will give the reader new insight in HOW to respond and WHY it will or will not give the desired effect. The end result is healthy, happy relationships with our sons and ALL the men in our lives, because really, isn’t every man a little boy at times in what he needs. We all want to be loved, but for men respect, trumps even that it seems.
I received a free copy of this book from the author/publisher, for my honest review. The opinions expressed here are my own.
For women and moms, love is an easy thing to show and lavish on our family and friends. Respect is another matter all together sometimes. Women and men are wired differently and are able to express (or not express) ourselves differently. We are able to communicate differently. That’s just the way it is.
The author gives specific responses that can be given instead of how you would “normally” respond. I think this is helpful. It may not be the absolute best reply to your son in a particular circumstance or based on your son’s personality, but I think it is a useful guideline of what to say. For me, this is a reprogramming that needs to take place IN ME and how I respond to conversations and situations. This will take some time to “perfect.”
I definitely think this is a useful book that will give the reader new insight in HOW to respond and WHY it will or will not give the desired effect. The end result is healthy, happy relationships with our sons and ALL the men in our lives, because really, isn’t every man a little boy at times in what he needs. We all want to be loved, but for men respect, trumps even that it seems.
I received a free copy of this book from the author/publisher, for my honest review. The opinions expressed here are my own.
July 19, 2016
As a mother of two grown sons this book was hard for me to read. By the end of the second chapter I felt like I had done just about everything wrong. That's not an easy thing to digest. But I stuck with the book and I am very glad that I did.
My intention in raising my sons was never to squelch them or convey an unintended message. But I did. As I proceeded through the book I began to hear the message that it is never too late to begin using the respect-talk with your son. So I went out on a limb and gave it a try. I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised by the results. I'm fortunate to have good relationships with my sons but through applying the guidelines in the book I can already see a shift in our relationships.
Ideally this book should be read by mothers of little boys so that you can apply the principles from the beginning. (I'm wondering if this would be too odd as a baby shower gift!) Baring that this book should be on the must read list of all boy moms. In hindsight the concepts make sense. These traits in my boys were not new to me, after all I spent almost every day of their lives with them. As their mom it makes sense that they need to be respected. They are after all men in the making.
If you are a mom to boys of any age get this book for yourself. I can almost guarantee that after reading it you will have a different outlook on your relationship with your sons. I can also almost guarantee that you'll want to share it with every other boy mom you know.
I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review.
My intention in raising my sons was never to squelch them or convey an unintended message. But I did. As I proceeded through the book I began to hear the message that it is never too late to begin using the respect-talk with your son. So I went out on a limb and gave it a try. I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised by the results. I'm fortunate to have good relationships with my sons but through applying the guidelines in the book I can already see a shift in our relationships.
Ideally this book should be read by mothers of little boys so that you can apply the principles from the beginning. (I'm wondering if this would be too odd as a baby shower gift!) Baring that this book should be on the must read list of all boy moms. In hindsight the concepts make sense. These traits in my boys were not new to me, after all I spent almost every day of their lives with them. As their mom it makes sense that they need to be respected. They are after all men in the making.
If you are a mom to boys of any age get this book for yourself. I can almost guarantee that after reading it you will have a different outlook on your relationship with your sons. I can also almost guarantee that you'll want to share it with every other boy mom you know.
I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review.
March 2, 2020
This book earned the one star I gave it simply because I think in practice the authors idea of respect talk might be plausible. But the method was so simple it could have been conveyed in one chapter. There were no other suggestions beyond using respect talk and the rest of the book was filler. And preachy filler at that. The author is indeed a preacher and the book read just like a sermon. A sermon from a man who has the answers for women who are doing it all wrong. Not an author I would recommend.
March 4, 2022
I couldn't finish it. I cant understand the idea that my sons would deserve more respect than my daughters simply because they were born with a penis. I should be teaching all my children to respect each other. If my teenage son is mouthy with me it's because he doesn't respect me. If I treat him with more "respect" by deferring to him that will not fix the problem, it will only make it worse. He might be less mouthy, but he won't have any respect for me because I have shown that I don't respect myself.
April 30, 2021
This book was ridiculous. Boys need to be brought up to learn to give and expect respect and dignity to all human beings, to learn about healthy boundaries, and to know they alone are responsible for themselves. This book teaches mothers to raise entitled boys who will grow up to be entitled men, and probably also emotionally stunted.
January 18, 2022
The generalizations and misogynistic stereotypes made the first few pages difficult to get through. I think it’s still beneficial to read and learn from those with whom I disagree with.
The author forgets to cite his research even within the first chapter. He makes broad generalizations of all or every woman that he expects to be considered as facts. The challenge in reading this text is getting past his small view of women, and therefore his small view of God.
The author forgets to cite his research even within the first chapter. He makes broad generalizations of all or every woman that he expects to be considered as facts. The challenge in reading this text is getting past his small view of women, and therefore his small view of God.
November 29, 2018
Great information but I need the hard copy instead of audiobook! It was well done, but I remember better visually and need to listen again to take notes :)
June 22, 2021
3.5
Some practical applications- especially teen sons and Mom's. It's the stage we are at..
Aha moments- I love questions- that's how I connect to family and friends- feel closer. My son hates questions. It's like an interragation sessions pushing him farther away.
Some parts repetitive. Glad he made a clearer mention this is not too teach a boy to be domineering and abusive. There is a fine balance. And I know a lot of women have been (and continue) to be hurt and shamed bc of teachings like this.
Some practical applications- especially teen sons and Mom's. It's the stage we are at..
Aha moments- I love questions- that's how I connect to family and friends- feel closer. My son hates questions. It's like an interragation sessions pushing him farther away.
Some parts repetitive. Glad he made a clearer mention this is not too teach a boy to be domineering and abusive. There is a fine balance. And I know a lot of women have been (and continue) to be hurt and shamed bc of teachings like this.
September 18, 2024
I loved this book! Being a mom of three young boys, I’m so glad I read this book to know how to best treat them with respect and have a thriving relationship with them. It was so helpful to learn more about how boys are wired and what they need. I would recommend this book to every mom who has a son!
April 8, 2017
Although there may be exceptions to this message, the whole of it is a much needed lesson in the mother-tongue needed for your son to hear your love and respect for him. Excellent read!
May 6, 2022
I NEVER DNF books, but I found this so nauseating I could not read it through. I started this book last month and was so disappointed I put it down and came back to it today after a rest, thinking I might have a fresh start. But no, this book is plain awful.
I admit it: I’m fairly liberal, and I found the conservative drivel of this book was too much for me. Examples:
Boys see life through a blue lens and girls see life through a pink lens. This is so depressingly black and white I cannot take it. If my son wants to see life through citron, teal, and violet ombré glasses, so be it, and I’m sure the world will be all the more beautiful for it. Strict categorizations like this author repeatedly makes are restricting, conservative, traditionalist, and quite frankly boring. Where does it leave room for creativity and progress and open mindedness? I believe everyone deserves respect, not just men and boys. Addressing everyone in both loving and respectful ways will improve relationships. This sexist, masochistic nonsense needs to die a rapid death.
Another example: Eggerichs will throw out a vague phrase “the research”, and than NOT back it up with actual evidence based practices and studies. He claims to have a PhD, how can he not understand the importance of backing up claims with legitimate studies?
A few chapters in and I have to send this back to the library. Do not waste your time or money.
I admit it: I’m fairly liberal, and I found the conservative drivel of this book was too much for me. Examples:
Boys see life through a blue lens and girls see life through a pink lens. This is so depressingly black and white I cannot take it. If my son wants to see life through citron, teal, and violet ombré glasses, so be it, and I’m sure the world will be all the more beautiful for it. Strict categorizations like this author repeatedly makes are restricting, conservative, traditionalist, and quite frankly boring. Where does it leave room for creativity and progress and open mindedness? I believe everyone deserves respect, not just men and boys. Addressing everyone in both loving and respectful ways will improve relationships. This sexist, masochistic nonsense needs to die a rapid death.
Another example: Eggerichs will throw out a vague phrase “the research”, and than NOT back it up with actual evidence based practices and studies. He claims to have a PhD, how can he not understand the importance of backing up claims with legitimate studies?
A few chapters in and I have to send this back to the library. Do not waste your time or money.
August 31, 2017
This is nearly identical to the "Love and Respect" book. My rating for both is poor but not due to the topic or ideas presented. I agree with the author that most men crave respect and women crave love.
In this book, the author essentially states that boys, like men, also crave respect and that because women are different, moms can get confused as to how to relate to their boys. We are so busy showing them our love for them that we do not realize that what they are seeking is respect. I do agree but with both books, I think the ideas presented could have been presented in full in a page-long essay. Of course, in this book, I found it pretty obvious that boys are built the way men are....making me unsure why I need an entire book on the same topic.
In this book, the author essentially states that boys, like men, also crave respect and that because women are different, moms can get confused as to how to relate to their boys. We are so busy showing them our love for them that we do not realize that what they are seeking is respect. I do agree but with both books, I think the ideas presented could have been presented in full in a page-long essay. Of course, in this book, I found it pretty obvious that boys are built the way men are....making me unsure why I need an entire book on the same topic.
April 6, 2018
“I’m just a boy, standing in front of his mom, asking to be respected.” This was such a timely read for me. I immediately started implementing “respect talk” with my 8 year old son and I couldn’t believe the immediate transformation that occurred. I feel truly relieved to have the tools Emerson, the author of the book, lays out clearly and with great sympathy for the heart of a mother. But also clearly admonishing us to recognize our sons need to be treated as the man of honor he wants to become (and needs some guidance to get there). My relationship with my son has been completely transformed by these principles. I HIGHLY recommend for any moms of boys.
August 7, 2019
I struggled so much to finish this book. I just kept hoping I would get to the part that I would learn how to apply it to action. I don’t know if I am missing the point but it was not helpful. All I got was to actually say the word “respect” repeatedly when talking to your son. Include the word all the time. Sorry to the author but I did not like t this book.
February 23, 2020
Sons and daughters need respect from parents, but this book indicates mothers should limit the discipline of sons. The author twists scripture in a toxic way in every book he puts out. A much better read is Bringing Up Boys by J Dobson.
August 25, 2023
This book is an excellent resource for moms of boys. My two boys are still very little, but I’ve already seen how the concepts and insights have helped improve my interactions (including in discipline situations) with my 2-year-old.
I learned a lot, and I appreciate that Dr. Eggerich took the time to write this! My only reason for not giving the book five stars is that it can be a bit repetitive at times. Other than that, I found the book to be very helpful and will be referencing it as I walk through new stages of life with my guys throughout their lives.
I learned a lot, and I appreciate that Dr. Eggerich took the time to write this! My only reason for not giving the book five stars is that it can be a bit repetitive at times. Other than that, I found the book to be very helpful and will be referencing it as I walk through new stages of life with my guys throughout their lives.
April 29, 2018
Highly recommended for anyone raising boys, teaching boys, working with men, etc.
October 29, 2019
This is a great book that gave me a lot to think about in my relationships with my sons. I plan to reference it often in the future.
June 11, 2024
I listened to this via audiobook several years ago but was recently reminded of it because of an acquaintance who shows a clear misunderstanding of the respect her sons crave from her. I definitely think it is worth a re-read now that my own son is 11.
While the author can be repetitive and his tone condescending or downright cheesy, the principles laid out are commonly ignored and I personally found them really helpful in relating to my son. I highly recommend this to any boy-moms.
While the author can be repetitive and his tone condescending or downright cheesy, the principles laid out are commonly ignored and I personally found them really helpful in relating to my son. I highly recommend this to any boy-moms.
April 13, 2020
Love and respect are two different things. Ephesians 5:33 teaches husbands to love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands. I have always wondered why God instructed wives to respect their husbands, rather than love them, and have recently come to understand it is because men will not feel loved UNLESS they are respected. It is the same with boys and girls. Girls are young women, so they respond best to love. Boys are young men, so they respond best to respect.
A mother can love her son and still not show him respect. She may feel like her son does not deserve respect because of his disobedience or disrespectful attitude towards her. She may believe he needs to EARN her respect. However, this book shares how it is possible for her to address her son's disobedience WITHOUT being rude (i.e. disrespectful).
SIMPLE DEFINITION: A mother's respect is her positive regard toward her son, no matter what he does. (p. 14)
This is one of the few books I know about that addresses the relationship between a mother and a son. I found the book to be a useful tool for moms of ANY age sons. It is easy to read, and full of helpful information that tells mothers how to use "respect-talk" with their sons in order to improve and/or strengthen their relationship.
A mother can love her son and still not show him respect. She may feel like her son does not deserve respect because of his disobedience or disrespectful attitude towards her. She may believe he needs to EARN her respect. However, this book shares how it is possible for her to address her son's disobedience WITHOUT being rude (i.e. disrespectful).
SIMPLE DEFINITION: A mother's respect is her positive regard toward her son, no matter what he does. (p. 14)
This is one of the few books I know about that addresses the relationship between a mother and a son. I found the book to be a useful tool for moms of ANY age sons. It is easy to read, and full of helpful information that tells mothers how to use "respect-talk" with their sons in order to improve and/or strengthen their relationship.
June 12, 2020
This is book is spot on! The author nailed it. He understands what boys need from their moms. He gets it. I hope and pray that moms everywhere will read this one! If they just give it a try, it has the potential to not only make their relationship with their sons better but also develop them into the men that our world desperately needs and ones they can be truly proud of.
Some women may start this book and put it down in frustration or disbelief because what he is saying feels so foreign to them and isn't THEIR primary felt need. It may seem as if he is asking them to speak a foreign language that feels like giberish or practice customs that are uncomfortable. Or they may think that if they relate to their sons in these ways, it will make them vulnerable to being hurt, dominated, or taken advantage of. They may also think that in practicing what this pastor/author suggests will impede women's rights. I don't believe it will but don't take my word for it. Read the book and try it. See what happens (The author addresses all of these concerns throughout and especially in the later chapters).
This book can also help men understand themselves as well and how to discipline their sons in an effective way without being harsh or exasperating.
Some women may start this book and put it down in frustration or disbelief because what he is saying feels so foreign to them and isn't THEIR primary felt need. It may seem as if he is asking them to speak a foreign language that feels like giberish or practice customs that are uncomfortable. Or they may think that if they relate to their sons in these ways, it will make them vulnerable to being hurt, dominated, or taken advantage of. They may also think that in practicing what this pastor/author suggests will impede women's rights. I don't believe it will but don't take my word for it. Read the book and try it. See what happens (The author addresses all of these concerns throughout and especially in the later chapters).
This book can also help men understand themselves as well and how to discipline their sons in an effective way without being harsh or exasperating.
February 15, 2023
Every parent needs to listen to this book! It’s so helpful and it is not commonly shared among females so it’s a needed voice! I found the tips regarding CHAIRS super helpful. I recommend it- respect is vital to all sexes but especially the males deepest need for respect. We can be positive and proactive as Moms with our boys- and I see this playing out every day with my teen boys. Took me a long time to get through this but I’m glad I took the time to finish/work through it.
July 24, 2016
Unfortunately, I gave up on this book about 1/3 of the way through. While I was able to glean some helpful ideas from this book in terms of parenting my son, they just weren't worth the heavy sexism that oozed from its pages. I get & even subscribe to some of the "love vs. respect" teaching, but this was just over the top. No thanks...
March 12, 2017
Despite the heavily Christian tone of the book, I found most of it very applicable and appealing. I've begun using the advice and have seen results already. I'm also going to sign up for the 21-day reminder emails.
March 4, 2020
This book has been profound to me and a great conversation starter with close friends and family. Many of the men in my life confirmed this books message. I like how he broke down biological differences between men and women to support his case.
This book against societies perception of men which I found challenging. I think the intention of this book is to giving the mom insight into a sons mind/body/soul so they can work better together. As he states in the book it should not be taken out of perspective that this somehow takes away from a women’s unique qualities nor should it lead you to belief we should accept perversion of a mans gifts. It’s okay to disagree, just be respectful when you state your case if you want a better outcome (easier said than done).
Lastly, this would have been better read as a hard copy over audiobook so I could stops, highlight and visually memorize stuff.
This book against societies perception of men which I found challenging. I think the intention of this book is to giving the mom insight into a sons mind/body/soul so they can work better together. As he states in the book it should not be taken out of perspective that this somehow takes away from a women’s unique qualities nor should it lead you to belief we should accept perversion of a mans gifts. It’s okay to disagree, just be respectful when you state your case if you want a better outcome (easier said than done).
Lastly, this would have been better read as a hard copy over audiobook so I could stops, highlight and visually memorize stuff.
Read
May 14, 2020This book had some very helpful tips on relating to boys. We need to treat all people with dignity and show unconditional respect towards their spirits, even when we must correct them. If this is true for all people (as Donna Hicks has pointed out in her book Dignity: The Essential Role it Plays in Resolving Conflict) how much more for teenage boys. These young people thrive on being treated with unconditional dignity. The words of unconditional dignity, honor, or respect mean something to men that most women can't imagine. Although this book has some stilted and unnatural attempts at communicating with teen culture, as well some stereotypical language that may cause a mental block, I would recommend gently releasing the things you don't agree with and embracing the helpful ideas for relating to the young men in your home.
July 27, 2025
Well this book took me forever to read. Not only because I take longer with nonfiction, but this one in particular was difficult because I had to keep putting it down to chew on and process. A few times it threw me in a shame cycle…which is clearly why so many women think this author is problematic…but it was also just my own internal issues. I don’t think that is what the author is attempting, in fact chapter 11 is all about forgiveness…namely forgiving yourself and not walking in the shame of what you have or have not done. That is my biggest critique of the book: I wish the author had said that more throughout the book instead of only waiting until the closing-ish chapter. Perhaps include a little guide at the end about forgiving yourself for poor patterns in each area. Repetitive, yet? But I just don’t think that can be said enough.
The respect talk aspect of this book was immensely EYE OPENING. It not only helped with the mother son aspect but just understanding men in general. He does a great job of explaining that respect is not only for men but that respect is to men the way love is to women. That was really fascinating and I find it to be very true. Not that men and women don’t need the other value but just that one speaks higher than the other because we are built different.
I do think a lot of women in general take offense to things he says in respect to how women and men relate to each other, and therefore discount the valuable things he says. I didn’t take it this way, but I’ve also learned that in any book we have to spit out the sticks to get to the value. And therefore is a lot of value in this book.
The respect talk aspect of this book was immensely EYE OPENING. It not only helped with the mother son aspect but just understanding men in general. He does a great job of explaining that respect is not only for men but that respect is to men the way love is to women. That was really fascinating and I find it to be very true. Not that men and women don’t need the other value but just that one speaks higher than the other because we are built different.
I do think a lot of women in general take offense to things he says in respect to how women and men relate to each other, and therefore discount the valuable things he says. I didn’t take it this way, but I’ve also learned that in any book we have to spit out the sticks to get to the value. And therefore is a lot of value in this book.
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