Without Child: Challenging the Stigma of Childlessness

by Laurie Lisle

In a society in which most women grow up thinking they will become mothers-and in which many women go to great lengths to make that desire a reality -- not having a child is often met with incredulity and scorn. But as the author of this thoughtful and meticulously researched examination of childlessness points out, childless women are part of an ancient and respectable cultural tradition that includes biblical matriarchs, celibate saints, and nineteenth-century social reformers. Revealing the story of her own decision not to have children, Laurie Lisle draws from history, literature, religion and sociology to challenge the stigma attached to the condition of childlessness-and to offer encouragement and support to those women who have made the difficult decision themselves.

Beginning with the difficult inner journey a woman faces before finally deciding or realizing she will not bear children, Without Child explores the myth of the childless woman's rejection of the maternal instinct. It also explores the childless woman's relationship to mothers and mothering, to her femininity, to men, to achievement, to her body, and to old age. Wide-ranging yet intimate, philosophical, yet clear-sighted, this important book does what no other has done before-presents childlessness in a multifaceted and positive light.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1996

About the author

Laurie Lisle's most recent book is her memoir, Word for Word: A Writer's Life. Publisher Weekly's BookLife says "it pulses with intellectual discussions, lived feminist history and its resultant tensions…It's great for fans of Vivian Gornick's Fierce Attachments and Rebecca Solnit's Recollections of My Nonexistence."

She also wrote the first biographies of artists Georgia O'Keeffe and Louise Nevelson. Her best-selling biography of O'Keeffe, Portrait of an Artist, first published in 1980, has been translated into six languages. It is included in Five Hundred Great Books by Women.

Her biography about sculptor Louise Nevelson, known for her dramatic black walls and assemblages, is titled Louise Nevelson: A Passionate Life.

She has also written books about childlessness, gardening, and the small girls' high school, where she decided to become a writer. Their titles are Without Child: Challenging the Stigma of Childlessness, Four Tenths of an Acre: Reflections on a Gardening Life, and Westover: Giving Girls a Place of Their Own.

Laurie lives in the village of Sharon, Connecticut with her husband, artist Robert Kipniss. When she is not writing or reading, she is hiking or working in her flower garden.

Reviews

[NoMo Book Club · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an exploratory and multilayered overview of non-motherhood throughout different times, creative paths or cultures by Laurie Lisle - and one that also intertwines Laurie’s own life story, which sits somewhere between being childfree and childless. Laurie seeks to provide an affirming perspective - one that looks for the positive role models and outcomes of childlessness. The book is divided into chapters that examine Laurie’s story in relation to topics such as motherhood, men, femininity, work and old age, and also provides copious amounts of informative detail and stats about non-parenthood along the way (although some info may perhaps be slightly dated now, in that the book was published in the late 1990s).

However, this isn’t just a sociological overview of a slice of the 20th century - the book is especially interesting in that it situates childlessness within a deeper historical context. Rather than just recounting it as a modern phenomenon, the topic is examined as it has appeared in different guises from ancient civilisations onwards, whether it has been due to circumstances or choice. Laurie is able to draw upon a vast array of figures from history, literature and culture who have stood outside motherhood - and she especially references the life story of Georgia O’Keeffe; which Laurie knows well from a biography she wrote of the American artist. Laurie shows how these women shaped their lives or gave back to the world in some other form, as well as how the societies of their time viewed those without children.

As the sub-title suggests, Laurie is keen to dispel the myths and stigmas around not being a mother - and, in so doing, she reassures women that they don’t need to pay heed to the stereotypes, regrets and warnings that often still cling to the image of childlessness. Whilst we might not all be able to do something ‘extraordinary’ with our lives (or even actually want to), Laurie enables us to feel ourselves as being part of a long and valuable tradition filled with remarkable women.

[Eleanor · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book as a personal narrative, a sociological commentary, and a historical artifact in itself, documenting attitudes about femininity and nonparenting in the 1990s. Some of the content is painfully dated by modern standards (lots of biological essentialism, zero mention of the transgender experience), but every now and then a phrase will pop up about the variety of gender experiences untied to reproduction, social role, etc. that still seems relevant. I didn't mind the "academic" style of the writing at all, in fact I appreciated the research that went into it. It is definitely not a witty memoir to read on the beach, nor is it a professional sociological work to mine facts and figures from. It is a thoughtful, intellectual creation whose main value is inspiring you to look harder at your own life and your own society, whether it looks like the author's or not.

Having no children is much less stigmatized today than it was 30 years ago (at least in my part of the world), but I appreciated the thoughts of the author, who I kind of regard as one of my spiritual ancestors as a childfree woman. If those without children worry about feeling disconnected to the history and future of humanity (debatable?), I think sharing our experiences with each other can help us build psychological and emotional ties with older and younger generations that function similarly, if not identically, to the biological ties of reproduction. This book was good for that.

[RF · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm receiving a copy of this book to donate to the Women's Prison Book Project. I am sure the readers will appreciate it. Thanks for getting me a copy!

[Kristie J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was very happy to see a comprehensive book about the topic of choosing to be married and not have children. The author approached the topic thoroughly, from a historical perspective, and I appreciated how she included her own feelings about being childfree through her 20's to her 50's. She concluded that there are many "nulliparas", i.e. women who have never had children, who use their childfree freedom to contribute to society and their own personal development and end up happy and contented as non-mothers, as motherhood is not the only road to happiness and fulfillment. Historically, there have been many women who choose to be childfree so they can have freedom from the burdens of caring for children to focus on other things such as art, writing, and creative pursuits.

My biggest criticism of the book is that it reads like an academic textbook, very dense and difficult to get through (for example, calling childfree women "nulliparas"). I would have enjoyed it a lot more if the language were simpler and focused on the everyday woman and not academic.

[Emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

While this book is obviously well-researched (it reads like a PhD dissertation), it just didn’t deliver for me personally. Lisle focused way too much on the fact that non-mothers are creative without having to create children. That’s a wonderful point, but it doesn’t really relate to those of us who aren’t artists or writers like the people she references (constantly) throughout the book. What about those of us who aren’t creative in the traditional sense? Where does that leave us? In hopes of finding something that resonated with my own life, I wanted to read more about the other reasons that drive growing numbers of women to choose a childfree lifestyle. Regardless, there is some good material in this book; you just have to find it amidst the textbook fluff.

[Ruthie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not a quick non-fiction reader and this one was a bit slow going for me. The author is definitely very thoughtful with her word choices and phrasing and tries to make every sentence count. Parts of it felt cumbersome to me and I felt like I was plodding through it. But overall, the amount of research and thought she put into this book over the course of her personal life experience and while writing it is staggering to me. Her thoughts and ideas were thought-provoking for me and gave me some insight and perspective into my own life.

[Lizzie]

The book is academic in tone. It seemed that the emphasis of book is that one chooses "no children" so that an artistic life or extraordinary life can be pursued. This does not resonate for me. I am like most people, I have an average life. It seems the only unordinary aspect of my life is that I am married with no children. I'm not sure what I was looking for in this reading book but I abandoned the book midway not finding it. Therefore I'm not a fair judge of this book's merits.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would have liked to hear more about women in general and less woe-is-me on a personal level from Ms. Lisle, but then I suppose the book would only have been half as long. Interesting and informative, but it dragged quite a bit and I did a lot of skimming when she started rehashing her personal saga.

[Martha☀ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this back in the days when I was undecided about having children. It was one of many books that helped me decide who I wanted to be when I grew up. Laurie examines the topic from so many angles and opens your mind to the challenges and possibilities of either decision.

[Denise · Rating 1 out of 5]

actually did not finish this. subject matter was interesting, and appeared to be well-researched, but it was incredibly dull

[Carol Ascher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This honest and carefully considered book moves between personal reflections and research to offer support to women who choose not to have children.

[Susan]

Long ago.
Only comment "fair"