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Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits
Bestselling Author of We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier and Bless Your Heart, Tramp
Hang on to your hats! We’re in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, “Think Dave Barry with a female point of view.”
With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you’ll hear from Celia on:
--The joys of remodeling Tara
--How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew
--Britney’s To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up
--How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day
--Why French women suck at competitive eating
--The truth about nature deficit disorder
--The difference between cockroaches and water bugs
--The beauty of Bedazzlers
And much, much more! Whether she’s doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna’s mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.
Hang on to your hats! We’re in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, “Think Dave Barry with a female point of view.”
With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you’ll hear from Celia on:
--The joys of remodeling Tara
--How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew
--Britney’s To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up
--How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day
--Why French women suck at competitive eating
--The truth about nature deficit disorder
--The difference between cockroaches and water bugs
--The beauty of Bedazzlers
And much, much more! Whether she’s doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna’s mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published July 1, 2004
50 people are currently reading
2628 people want to read
About the author
Celia Rivenbark
11 books462 followersCelia Rivenbark was born and raised in Duplin County, NC, which had the distinction of being the nation's number 1 producer of hogs and turkeys during a brief, magical moment in the early 1980s.
Celia grew up in a small house in the country with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats. Her grandparents' house, just across the ditch, had the first indoor plumbing in Teachey, NC and family lore swears that people came from miles around just to watch the toilet flush.
Despite this proud plumbing tradition, Celia grew up without a washer and dryer. On every Sunday afternoon of her childhood, while her mama rested up from preparing a fried chicken and sweet potato casserole lunch, she, her sister and her daddy rode to the laundromat two miles away to do the weekly wash.
It was at this laundromat, where a carefully lettered sign reminded customers that management was "NOT RESONSIBLE" for lost items, that Celia shirked "resonsibility" her own self and snuck away to read the big, fat Sunday News & Observer out of Raleigh, NC. By age 7, she'd decided to be a newspaper reporter.
Late nights, she'd listen to the feed trucks rattle by on the highway and she'd go to sleep wondering what exotic cities those noisy trucks would be in by morning (Richmond? Atlanta? Charlotte?) Their headlights crawling across the walls of her little pink bedroom at the edge of a soybean field were like constellations pointing the way to a bigger life, a better place, a place where there wasn't so much turkey shit everywhere.
After a couple of years of college, Celia went to work for her hometown paper, the Wallace, NC Enterprise. The locals loved to say, as they renewed their "perscriptions," that "you can eat a pot of rice and read the Enterprise and go to bed with nothing on your stomach and nothing on your mind."
Mebbe. But Celia loved the Enterprise. Where else could you cover a dead body being hauled out of the river (alcohol was once again a contributing factor) in the morning and then write up weddings in the afternoon?
After eight years, however, taking front-page photos of the publisher shaking hands with other fez-wearing Shriners and tomatoes shaped like male "ginny-talia" was losing its appeal.
Celia went to work for the Wilmington, NC Morning Star after a savvy features editor was charmed by a lead paragraph in an Enterprise story about the rare birth of a mule: "Her mother was a nag and her father was a jackass."
The Morning Star was no News and Observer but it came out every day and Celia got to write weddings for 55,000 readers instead of 3,500, plus she got a paycheck every two weeks with that nifty New York Times logo on it.
After an unfortunate stint as a copy editor - her ass expanded to a good six ax handles across - Celia started writing a weekly humor column that fulfilled her lifelong dream of being paid to be a smart ass. Along the way, she won a bunch of press awards, including a national health journalism award - hilarious when you consider she's never met a steamed vegetable she could keep down.
Having met and married a cute guy in sports, Celia found herself happily knocked up at age 40 and, after 21 years, she quit newspapering to stay home with her new baby girl.
After a year or so, she started using Sophie's two-hour naps to write a humor column from the mommie front lines for the Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. The column continues to run weekly and is syndicated by the McClatchy-Tribune News Services.
In 2000, Coastal Carolina Press published a collection of Celia's columns. A Southeast Book Sellers Association best-seller, Bless Your Heart, Tramp was nominated for the James Thurber Prize in 2001. David Sedaris won. He wins everything.
http://us.macmillan.com/author/celiar...
Celia grew up in a small house in the country with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats. Her grandparents' house, just across the ditch, had the first indoor plumbing in Teachey, NC and family lore swears that people came from miles around just to watch the toilet flush.
Despite this proud plumbing tradition, Celia grew up without a washer and dryer. On every Sunday afternoon of her childhood, while her mama rested up from preparing a fried chicken and sweet potato casserole lunch, she, her sister and her daddy rode to the laundromat two miles away to do the weekly wash.
It was at this laundromat, where a carefully lettered sign reminded customers that management was "NOT RESONSIBLE" for lost items, that Celia shirked "resonsibility" her own self and snuck away to read the big, fat Sunday News & Observer out of Raleigh, NC. By age 7, she'd decided to be a newspaper reporter.
Late nights, she'd listen to the feed trucks rattle by on the highway and she'd go to sleep wondering what exotic cities those noisy trucks would be in by morning (Richmond? Atlanta? Charlotte?) Their headlights crawling across the walls of her little pink bedroom at the edge of a soybean field were like constellations pointing the way to a bigger life, a better place, a place where there wasn't so much turkey shit everywhere.
After a couple of years of college, Celia went to work for her hometown paper, the Wallace, NC Enterprise. The locals loved to say, as they renewed their "perscriptions," that "you can eat a pot of rice and read the Enterprise and go to bed with nothing on your stomach and nothing on your mind."
Mebbe. But Celia loved the Enterprise. Where else could you cover a dead body being hauled out of the river (alcohol was once again a contributing factor) in the morning and then write up weddings in the afternoon?
After eight years, however, taking front-page photos of the publisher shaking hands with other fez-wearing Shriners and tomatoes shaped like male "ginny-talia" was losing its appeal.
Celia went to work for the Wilmington, NC Morning Star after a savvy features editor was charmed by a lead paragraph in an Enterprise story about the rare birth of a mule: "Her mother was a nag and her father was a jackass."
The Morning Star was no News and Observer but it came out every day and Celia got to write weddings for 55,000 readers instead of 3,500, plus she got a paycheck every two weeks with that nifty New York Times logo on it.
After an unfortunate stint as a copy editor - her ass expanded to a good six ax handles across - Celia started writing a weekly humor column that fulfilled her lifelong dream of being paid to be a smart ass. Along the way, she won a bunch of press awards, including a national health journalism award - hilarious when you consider she's never met a steamed vegetable she could keep down.
Having met and married a cute guy in sports, Celia found herself happily knocked up at age 40 and, after 21 years, she quit newspapering to stay home with her new baby girl.
After a year or so, she started using Sophie's two-hour naps to write a humor column from the mommie front lines for the Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. The column continues to run weekly and is syndicated by the McClatchy-Tribune News Services.
In 2000, Coastal Carolina Press published a collection of Celia's columns. A Southeast Book Sellers Association best-seller, Bless Your Heart, Tramp was nominated for the James Thurber Prize in 2001. David Sedaris won. He wins everything.
http://us.macmillan.com/author/celiar...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 230 reviews
October 9, 2008
It's difficult to review an audiobook because there are two things to consider: the written material, and the narration.
In this case, the written material is brilliant! I listened to it in my car and the people around me must have thought I was nuts, laughing so hard as I drove. I am not a Southerner but I still could relate to her take on the ridiculous things we all live with every day.
The narration is done by the author herself, and while it is fun to hear the writer's voice, she is not a professional audiobook reader. And it shows.
Mind you I am not saying she's a BAD reader, she's perfectly OK, but there is a certain zing that is provided by a pro which is missing here. Listen to the audiobooks of any of Mary Kay Andrews' work (read by either Moira Driscoll or Isabel Keating) and you will hear what I mean. Either of those readers would have done a masterful job with this book, and the material really deserves it.
I recommend the audiobook highly because it's hilarious! At the same time, in the future, I truly hope that the publisher will hire a professional reader to do this brilliant author justice.
In this case, the written material is brilliant! I listened to it in my car and the people around me must have thought I was nuts, laughing so hard as I drove. I am not a Southerner but I still could relate to her take on the ridiculous things we all live with every day.
The narration is done by the author herself, and while it is fun to hear the writer's voice, she is not a professional audiobook reader. And it shows.
Mind you I am not saying she's a BAD reader, she's perfectly OK, but there is a certain zing that is provided by a pro which is missing here. Listen to the audiobooks of any of Mary Kay Andrews' work (read by either Moira Driscoll or Isabel Keating) and you will hear what I mean. Either of those readers would have done a masterful job with this book, and the material really deserves it.
I recommend the audiobook highly because it's hilarious! At the same time, in the future, I truly hope that the publisher will hire a professional reader to do this brilliant author justice.
October 22, 2008
Quite honestly, this book probably would have merited only two stars, had I not enjoyed "Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank" quite so much. I sort of let her coast into three stars on the former happy feelings. Or maybe her former works actually HURT her, as I couldn't help but compare them to this, her newest work--and find it a bit disappointing. While there are a few laugh out loud moments, Rivenbark never seems to hit her stride. The book feels more scattered as a whole, and the essays are a collection of random, try-too-hard jokes strung together by the loosest of threads. A quick but forgettable read.
March 11, 2009
Celia Rivenbark has again returned to the hilarity and style of her first book "Bless Your Heart, Tramp"! I've been recommending this as a fun, funny, Southern read to everyone!
February 24, 2014
Another funny collection of stories and sarcastic essays. Fun and easy read!
June 21, 2011
Okay, she needs to write another one. Now. Because I'm out, and Cod knows how many horrible books I'm going to read until she puts out another one.
This one is fun. Of all of her books, We're Just Like You, Only Prettier is my least favorite, but it still deserved five stars. This one earned it's five and then some.
This had more flow to it, it wasn't just a collection of essays. It covered everything from home renovations (thanks for making me FREAK OUT, Mama Celia!), letter to Britney Spears (made me a little cranky, please stop saying Britney is just a good ol' Southern gal, or else I'll have to move and start saying "you guys"), and nine-year old sleepovers.
J'adore her. So freaking much. And? She's a Southern Belle who doesn't like Republicans. MARRY ME, MAMA CELIA!
This one is fun. Of all of her books, We're Just Like You, Only Prettier is my least favorite, but it still deserved five stars. This one earned it's five and then some.
This had more flow to it, it wasn't just a collection of essays. It covered everything from home renovations (thanks for making me FREAK OUT, Mama Celia!), letter to Britney Spears (made me a little cranky, please stop saying Britney is just a good ol' Southern gal, or else I'll have to move and start saying "you guys"), and nine-year old sleepovers.
J'adore her. So freaking much. And? She's a Southern Belle who doesn't like Republicans. MARRY ME, MAMA CELIA!
December 2, 2008
Celia Rivenbark is just so funny.
March 7, 2009
This was so much fun and I think it was enhanced by being an audio book. Even my husband was cracking up at some of her hilarious stuff.
November 30, 2010
This was supposed to be a 'witty' book about the south, but it just annoyed me. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
May 16, 2019
Some of the social references were a little dated at this point but I still lol’d several times. It was a fun break from heavier stuff.
April 24, 2017
I don't have any time for small-mindedness, even when it's supposed to be amusing. Our world is too messed up for me to read this privileged author's 'humorous' writing.
August 16, 2010
This is, to date, the last Rivenbark book I had left to read. Thanks to my friend Felicia because this proved fairly hard for me to find for some reason.
I can now say without a doubt that Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom is by far the best in my opinion. All of her others are still worth reading I think and I enjoyed them all. At the very least you will be chuckling out loud if not laughing.
The funny thing to me is I despise damn near everything southern. I can't stand the accent, I hate Georgia and Florida with a passion usually only reserved for the most horrible of things, and to be frank, the food stinks. So I can't answer the question as to why I picked up my first Celia book. That's okay though, because in Celia I found my the first "thing" I liked about the South.
I wouldn't look Rivenbark's books over if your a Yankee and hate the South (like moi). They may not win you over like they did me but I think it's worth a shot.
I almost forgot to mention that I 100% agree with Felicia that I'd love to read a whole and complete book by Rivenbark. I know she has the talent and I think she'd be starting a whole new thing with it. I'd run out and get it asap for sure. I'll keep reading her short stories as of right now but I'm not sure how much longer it can go on.
I can now say without a doubt that Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom is by far the best in my opinion. All of her others are still worth reading I think and I enjoyed them all. At the very least you will be chuckling out loud if not laughing.
The funny thing to me is I despise damn near everything southern. I can't stand the accent, I hate Georgia and Florida with a passion usually only reserved for the most horrible of things, and to be frank, the food stinks. So I can't answer the question as to why I picked up my first Celia book. That's okay though, because in Celia I found my the first "thing" I liked about the South.
I wouldn't look Rivenbark's books over if your a Yankee and hate the South (like moi). They may not win you over like they did me but I think it's worth a shot.
I almost forgot to mention that I 100% agree with Felicia that I'd love to read a whole and complete book by Rivenbark. I know she has the talent and I think she'd be starting a whole new thing with it. I'd run out and get it asap for sure. I'll keep reading her short stories as of right now but I'm not sure how much longer it can go on.
May 24, 2010
Gotta love that Celia. Love the titles of her books, and love her irreverent wit, Souther-en charm and kiss my ass attitude. I think she has a lot of good ideas, and she makes you laugh out loud, but after awhile, her collections of essays don't really work as full books. She does try hard to tie them all in together, and for the first one or two, it was a novel concept. At this juncture, however, I would like to see her sit down, focus, and write a true and complete book, because I think she is quite capable.
November 10, 2008
I'll admit it. This is my mom's christmas present. I remember her hysterically laughing over another title by this author and I found this book on the shelves at work. It was hardback, so here's hoping she doesn't have it yet.
Anyway. It was fairly hilarious. A liberal Southern Woman's memoir/commentary on life, culture, etc. Politically incorrect and snarky I laughed through the whole thing.
Probably a better pick for your mom though.
Anyway. It was fairly hilarious. A liberal Southern Woman's memoir/commentary on life, culture, etc. Politically incorrect and snarky I laughed through the whole thing.
Probably a better pick for your mom though.
August 26, 2008
I'm not laughing out loud as much with this one as with some of her others (her first section about living through home improvement was so decriptive about the hell of contractors and subcontractors and living in a Money Pit that it bordered on tragedy) but it's still Celia Rivenbark, so it's still worth it. She's the Dave Barry of the south.
October 31, 2008
This book was a hilarious take on many of the subjects that women and mothers experience in life! I literally laughed out loud at her brilliant witty comments! This book is sprinkled with some naughty words and is full of sarcasm (a warning for the light of heart!), but overall a wonderful, light take on life that I devoured!
February 8, 2012
I started this book ages ago, but then left it on my shelf for days I needed a quick little short story. My goal is to finish it (and some others) so I can clear some space on the shelf!
Finished but have to admit it was not one of my favorites by this author. I really prefer the ones where she talks about being a mom, such as Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old like a Skank:-)
Finished but have to admit it was not one of my favorites by this author. I really prefer the ones where she talks about being a mom, such as Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old like a Skank:-)
May 22, 2017
This is a great book to read in between serious books. Very light and funny! Nothing better than a Southern Woman with attitude! Definitely not politically correct and that was a welcome change when everyone is worried about the possibility of offending someone. I'm very liberal and thought she is just plain funny.
November 22, 2021
I used to read her books in high school and my mom and I were always in stitches. This held up surprisingly well. Some of her jokes are a little outdated, but she is funny enough that it makes up for it. A personal favorite way to say no: "Not while I live in America and there's porn on the internet."
October 5, 2008
This book was funny. It's not laugh out loud all of the time funny, but it is funny non the less. Although, I have to say I was slightly disappointed because from what I've heard, she writes some laugh out loud books, and all I've done is chuckle a bit.
October 21, 2008
When I first glanced at this book I thought it was cute and funny. After reading it however, I find I just can't relate to those southern belles as well as I thought. There are funny bits. Quick read.
October 25, 2008
This is perfect for my friends who are in the midst of some remodeling project at their home. You will laugh out loud. I only gave this a "three" because it wasn't quite as funny as some of her other books, but well worth a read.
December 28, 2008
A funny collection of stories, which I assume have been collected from the author's newspaper column. I think I liked the other two books I've read by Ms. Rivenbark better, but there were some funny moments and there are the usual 'southern-isms'. This was a quick read.
March 16, 2009
I love this author's sense of humor. This is a book of short essays about all sorts of topics (home renovation, kids, etc.) all with her sassy southern attitude. Great if you want a light, funny read.
April 26, 2009
This is an entertaining read if you enjoy Southern humor. I liked it, but it wasn't a book that I couldn't put down as it took me several days to get through it. The stories all started sounding the same after awhile.
March 20, 2011
Loved Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like A Skank but only "liked" this book. I adore most things Southern, although I'm a native New Englander, but lost enthusiasm for her stories the further I got into the book.
September 6, 2008
one of my favorite authors. she writes some honestly funny stuff. if you've never read anything by her, check it out, you should. the essays are usually short and easy to read.
September 11, 2008
Another great book from Celia - lots of laughs, so much that I had tears in my eyes ! I love her take on life, the way she deals with everyday issues and finds the funnyness in all of them.
September 29, 2008
Fun - reminds me of my mom and aunt. Crass southern women with the use of well-placed cuss words. Think Weezer on Steel Magnolias.
October 18, 2008
so far this book is a riot!
October 28, 2008
This book was okay but not roll-on-the-floor funny. I expected more.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 230 reviews