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War God Rising
Monty Python meets Gladiator!
Sand is destined for greatness. Or so a pair of two-bit criminals would have him believe.
After rescuing him from certain doom, Bess and Kaede embark on a scheme to game the War God Tournament. It’d be easier if Sand wasn’t an alcohol-soaked twit with a disturbing interest in mutton.
Pitted against monsters, magic swords, and murderers galore, they soon realize winning the tourney is the least of their worries.
Sand is destined for greatness. Or so a pair of two-bit criminals would have him believe.
After rescuing him from certain doom, Bess and Kaede embark on a scheme to game the War God Tournament. It’d be easier if Sand wasn’t an alcohol-soaked twit with a disturbing interest in mutton.
Pitted against monsters, magic swords, and murderers galore, they soon realize winning the tourney is the least of their worries.
Kindle Edition
Published January 31, 2016
About the author
Tim Marquitz
102 books216 followersTim Marquitz is the author of the Demon Squad series, The Enemy of My Enemy series (Kurtherian Gambit) along with Michael Anderle, the Blood War Trilogy, co-author of the Dead West series, as well as several standalone books, and numerous anthology appearances alongside the biggest names in fantasy and horror. Tim also collaborated on Memoirs of a MACHINE, the story of MMA pioneer John Machine Lober.
"Horror becomes art when it flows from the pen of Tim Marquitz." ~ Bobby D. Whitney - BookWenches
"Witty, sarcastic and hilarious." Michelle - Publishers Weekly
"Horror becomes art when it flows from the pen of Tim Marquitz." ~ Bobby D. Whitney - BookWenches
"Witty, sarcastic and hilarious." Michelle - Publishers Weekly
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
February 7, 2016
Reminds me of...
...the Myth books by Robert Asprin, as it's actually more cohesive than Monty Python, with deeper characters and an interesting magic system. I can see Tim easily continuing this series, and I hope he does.
...the Myth books by Robert Asprin, as it's actually more cohesive than Monty Python, with deeper characters and an interesting magic system. I can see Tim easily continuing this series, and I hope he does.
January 25, 2016
I actually got to beta read for this book, so I saw it before anyone else. I am so glad, because it was so good! Kaede and Bess, a retired pit fighter and a witch, convince Sand, a farm boy with an unhealthy fascination with sheep, phat he is prophesied to win the War God tournament, a contest to determine the best gladiator. The problem is, Sand is dumb as a box of really dumb rocks, and he's going to need a lot of help. The story continues on with lots of combats, a magical sword named Clarence, andthe final climactic battle with the current War God. There was no way to see the ending coming, and it is perfect! This is the funniest book I ever read, so the Tag line of Monte Python meets Gladiator is apt. The humor of this book is very adult, so keep that in mind before buying it for a kid with a kindle.Like all Tim Marquitz books, the characters are a real strength. Kaede and Bess are great characters, funny and snarky and conniving. When I see them in my minds eye, I think of Peter Mensa from Gladiator and Lena Headey from Game of Thrones. Sand is just a big doofus. Think a blond Channing Tatum. The rest of the characters, like Clarence the magic sword, AKA Whineblade, are a lot of fun too. I could hear the voice of the Great Kazoo from the Flintstones as Clarance's mental voice. The setting is well drawn out, and the plot never slackens, keeping the reader turning pages to see what happens next, but not wanting the book to end. The combat, as with any Tim Marquitz book, is outstanding, bloody and realistic and makes you feel as if your on the arena floor, sword in hand, waiting for the killing strike. Its that good. I can't wait for this to get an Audio version. That will be a lot of fun. Any fan of Rob Kroese's Land of Dis books or Scott Meier's Magic 2.0 series should love this series, as should anyone who likes adult slapstick humor.
I was given a review copy free of charge by the author in return for an honest beta review.
I was given a review copy free of charge by the author in return for an honest beta review.
January 28, 2016
DISCLAIMER: I was given an Arc in return for this review.
A two day read, I spent both of them cackling like an old crone as I blazed through this book. I'll be honest when I say that the cover had me in both a curious and somewhat dubious mindset. I wondered if the book was going to be too campy or silly, but Tim had sent me a copy in good faith with the promise that I'd write this review.
I was very wrong
War God Rising is well balanced in that the humour doesn't interrupt the story or try too hard to inject itself. Instead the humour flows naturally and as such remains hilarious. The story also whilst seemingly simple posed a lot of moral choices in the lengths Bess and Kaede will go to have coin cross their greedy palms. The characters were a high point for me, both heroes and villains (Though many walk right down the middle of that line).
In short if you're a fan of a nice bloody romp with plenty of black humour this is a book you need to read. To me it felt as though Tim had taken all the high hilarious moments and hyper-violent death associated with a great game of Dungeons and Dragons and lovingly smeared it across the pages.
Well done Tim, you've found a new fan of your work.
Get yourself a sample, if you're not hooked on it before you realise it I'll be amazed.
Hoping for a sequel.
A two day read, I spent both of them cackling like an old crone as I blazed through this book. I'll be honest when I say that the cover had me in both a curious and somewhat dubious mindset. I wondered if the book was going to be too campy or silly, but Tim had sent me a copy in good faith with the promise that I'd write this review.
I was very wrong
War God Rising is well balanced in that the humour doesn't interrupt the story or try too hard to inject itself. Instead the humour flows naturally and as such remains hilarious. The story also whilst seemingly simple posed a lot of moral choices in the lengths Bess and Kaede will go to have coin cross their greedy palms. The characters were a high point for me, both heroes and villains (Though many walk right down the middle of that line).
In short if you're a fan of a nice bloody romp with plenty of black humour this is a book you need to read. To me it felt as though Tim had taken all the high hilarious moments and hyper-violent death associated with a great game of Dungeons and Dragons and lovingly smeared it across the pages.
Well done Tim, you've found a new fan of your work.
Get yourself a sample, if you're not hooked on it before you realise it I'll be amazed.
Hoping for a sequel.
January 26, 2016
Marquitz takes his special blend of witty, offensive and occasionally juvenile humour and applies it in a sword and sorcery setting. In this current climate of very dark and serious fantasy novels, War God Rising stands out because it loves the genre, embraces the genre, and ridicules the genre all within a couple of hundred pages. Magical swords, grand tourneys, farm boys and great destinies are accompanied by orgies, fart jokes, and low blows.
I laughed a lot, even when I shouldn't have.
I laughed a lot, even when I shouldn't have.
February 1, 2016
I love Tim Marquitz's work. He's one of my favorite writers of popcorn fantasy fiction (urban or otherwise). The setting this time is a Rome-like Empire with monsters, demons, gods, and a thriving gladiator industry. Thousands of men and women line up every year to be horribly murdered in the arena for the entertainment of others. Two con men, errr honest entrepreneurs, Kaede and Bess are interested in performing the feat of their careers: fixing the War God tournament. The SuperBowl of Murdertainment.
For this monumental act of hubris, they need a suitable patsy who is both physically capable as well as profoundly stupid. They find their chosen champion in Sand, a young man who is about to be executed for lewd conduct with a sheep that he might or might not be guilty of. Sand is painfully earnest, built like an ox, and believes his two new friends actually give a damn about him. I mentioned he was profoundly stupid, right?
The story follows Kaede, Bess, and Sand as they set out to build up a reputation for Sand so they can even up his odds enough that it won't look completely ridiculous when he wins the tournament that puts him against the reigning War God champion. Kaede and Bess don't actually expect him to win, mind you, but it wouldn't do for their plans at all for him to get killed before it's his time to die.
This leads to a comedy of errors where he faces opponents better than him, gets a magical talking sword (that's a complete ******), and discovers he can't kill attractive women in battle because he gets aroused easily. We even get a fun subplot with a sorcerer bookmaker who decides he needs a (large) piece of the action lest he inform the gladiator commission about just how MUCH cheating our antiheroes (really, villain protagonists) are up to.
So is it good? Yes. Is it funny? Yes x2. Tim Marquitz inserts roughly a laugh a page while never making it completely unbelievable this is a legitimate story. Combining a sports drama with fantasy is something rare enough but the underused gladiator genre too? Yeah, it's very amusing. The humor tends to be on the juvenile side, though, with the aforementioned sheep situation coming up way too many times and Sand having something of an irritable stomach but I was willing to forgive it for the more nuanced humor.
The setting is just the right mixture of development and supposition. We get to know it's a world filled with monsters, magic, and magical artifacts but it's really all centered around the gladiator contests. Tim manages to capture the feeling of sports and the shady back-dealings which continue even onto this day without feeling too anachronistic. Then again, I found out there were concession stands, bookies, and memorabilia stands in the original coliseum so I'm not sure how anachronistic it's possible to be.
It should be noted everyone in the book is a complete *******, which is something that may bother those looking for a sympathetic point of view. Even Sand, the most innocent of the group, has some severe issues and I wouldn't exactly like to be his friend. There's a situation which happens with him and Bess which wouldn't remotely be funny in real-life for example. Of all the characters, I'm most fond of Bess as she provides the majority of sardonic humor and problem solutions. Still, I wouldn't wish some of what she goes through on anyone. Being forced to ask your mother for help? Dear god(s)!
Still, the fact everyone is a jerk makes the jokes all the more enjoyable. You don't care whether these people succeed or not so watching how they fail and blunder about is hilarious. It's the same sort of humor which drove A Fish Called Wanda. Only with gladiators and witches and...okay, it's nothing like A Fish Called Wanda but it's still a fun little book.
9/10
For this monumental act of hubris, they need a suitable patsy who is both physically capable as well as profoundly stupid. They find their chosen champion in Sand, a young man who is about to be executed for lewd conduct with a sheep that he might or might not be guilty of. Sand is painfully earnest, built like an ox, and believes his two new friends actually give a damn about him. I mentioned he was profoundly stupid, right?
The story follows Kaede, Bess, and Sand as they set out to build up a reputation for Sand so they can even up his odds enough that it won't look completely ridiculous when he wins the tournament that puts him against the reigning War God champion. Kaede and Bess don't actually expect him to win, mind you, but it wouldn't do for their plans at all for him to get killed before it's his time to die.
This leads to a comedy of errors where he faces opponents better than him, gets a magical talking sword (that's a complete ******), and discovers he can't kill attractive women in battle because he gets aroused easily. We even get a fun subplot with a sorcerer bookmaker who decides he needs a (large) piece of the action lest he inform the gladiator commission about just how MUCH cheating our antiheroes (really, villain protagonists) are up to.
So is it good? Yes. Is it funny? Yes x2. Tim Marquitz inserts roughly a laugh a page while never making it completely unbelievable this is a legitimate story. Combining a sports drama with fantasy is something rare enough but the underused gladiator genre too? Yeah, it's very amusing. The humor tends to be on the juvenile side, though, with the aforementioned sheep situation coming up way too many times and Sand having something of an irritable stomach but I was willing to forgive it for the more nuanced humor.
The setting is just the right mixture of development and supposition. We get to know it's a world filled with monsters, magic, and magical artifacts but it's really all centered around the gladiator contests. Tim manages to capture the feeling of sports and the shady back-dealings which continue even onto this day without feeling too anachronistic. Then again, I found out there were concession stands, bookies, and memorabilia stands in the original coliseum so I'm not sure how anachronistic it's possible to be.
It should be noted everyone in the book is a complete *******, which is something that may bother those looking for a sympathetic point of view. Even Sand, the most innocent of the group, has some severe issues and I wouldn't exactly like to be his friend. There's a situation which happens with him and Bess which wouldn't remotely be funny in real-life for example. Of all the characters, I'm most fond of Bess as she provides the majority of sardonic humor and problem solutions. Still, I wouldn't wish some of what she goes through on anyone. Being forced to ask your mother for help? Dear god(s)!
Still, the fact everyone is a jerk makes the jokes all the more enjoyable. You don't care whether these people succeed or not so watching how they fail and blunder about is hilarious. It's the same sort of humor which drove A Fish Called Wanda. Only with gladiators and witches and...okay, it's nothing like A Fish Called Wanda but it's still a fun little book.
9/10
February 26, 2016
It is no secret that I enjoy a good Marquitz book and I am happy to report that War God Rising is another home run. This time Tim focus his attention on gladiator combat when a old gladiator and a witch join forces to find a young malleable man and hope to ride him to great fortune in the gladiator games that could crown a mortal the God of War, if they win the tournament.
Marquitz is well-known for his distinct humor and in this book he really lets loose and takes the reader on a ride as the story is quite simple but the dialogue is filled with twists and turns, which is just too good. There are double entendres and ingenious little snippets that should make every reader happy.
While Marquitz is normally known for his gore and breath-taking action, War God Rising is a chance for the author to stretch out and try something new and a bit on the light side. There is still plenty of action for the die hard fan but the humor is the real star in this novel.
If you are in for a quick, light read and have enjoyed the author's previous works, look no further as this is the book for you. War God Rising was a nice change of pace for an author that usually takes us down darker paths.
Marquitz is well-known for his distinct humor and in this book he really lets loose and takes the reader on a ride as the story is quite simple but the dialogue is filled with twists and turns, which is just too good. There are double entendres and ingenious little snippets that should make every reader happy.
While Marquitz is normally known for his gore and breath-taking action, War God Rising is a chance for the author to stretch out and try something new and a bit on the light side. There is still plenty of action for the die hard fan but the humor is the real star in this novel.
If you are in for a quick, light read and have enjoyed the author's previous works, look no further as this is the book for you. War God Rising was a nice change of pace for an author that usually takes us down darker paths.
February 7, 2016
Another great tale from the pen of Tim Marquitz. A short one, but it hit all the funny bones along the way. The humor is a little 'low-brow', but it succeeds in giving plenty of chuckles. Hoping for more!
January 28, 2016
Tim Marquitz does it again! An excellent, fun read - I didn't want to put it down so I finished it in one go!
January 27, 2016
It reads a bit like the author put everybody's favorite fantasy tropes into a blender and hit frap. WRRRRRR.
We've got the farm boy destined for great things (or so he's told,) the magical weapon, the well-worn and well-marked road to glory, the big bad Big-Bad, a few smaller bad guys along the road. Sand, a farm boy and possibly a young man with a taste for cuddling with sheep, is snatched from inevitable hanging, and then prepared for the War God tournament. He's really not a very good candidate, but that's not really a problem for those training him; they've got their own plans.
Bess is an interesting, complicated character. Sand is gross. And ultimately, I think my favorite character is an inanimate object. I think he gets a bad rap by the other characters.
The humor is of the juvenile variety--plenty of sheep sex (alleged) jokes, flatulence, and barbed commentary to keep your inner twelve-year-old rolling. If that's what you're into.
We've got the farm boy destined for great things (or so he's told,) the magical weapon, the well-worn and well-marked road to glory, the big bad Big-Bad, a few smaller bad guys along the road. Sand, a farm boy and possibly a young man with a taste for cuddling with sheep, is snatched from inevitable hanging, and then prepared for the War God tournament. He's really not a very good candidate, but that's not really a problem for those training him; they've got their own plans.
Bess is an interesting, complicated character. Sand is gross. And ultimately, I think my favorite character is an inanimate object. I think he gets a bad rap by the other characters.
The humor is of the juvenile variety--plenty of sheep sex (alleged) jokes, flatulence, and barbed commentary to keep your inner twelve-year-old rolling. If that's what you're into.
February 26, 2016
Once again Tim Marquitz has exceeded expectations. War God Rising is funny. We're talking Mel Brooks funny. Quick asides, tongue-in-cheek, make you spit your soda out your nose funny. Marquitz writes with a quick easy style that makes you want to keep reading long past bedtime. I highly recommend this book!
September 3, 2022
You know, "Monty Python meets Gladiator" certainly has a nice ring to it, and there's no denying that it has definite cover appeal, but in my humble opinion it's not quite right for War God Rising.
If I were in charge of marketing Tim Marquitz's latest, I'd have to go with "Monty Python and theHoly Grail A**hole Sword meets A Knight's Tale (minus the foot-tapping musical numbers) by way of a medieval Fish Called Wanda." Sure, it doesn't quite roll off the tongue as nicely, but I can't think of a better way to sum it up.
This was one hell of a fun read, full of groans, moans, and even a few belly laughs. It's so stupid at times that it approaches brilliant, and even the jokes you see coming from pages away somehow land perfectly. Comedic timing is tough, especially when it comes to the written word, but Tim has it nailed. Whether he's making excuses for sheep molestation,
“They attacked me. Vicious, foul demons those creatures were. Vampire sheep."
having a pair of wannabe War Gods engaged in a lively philosophical discussion,
“Yeah?”
“Yeah!”
“Yeah?”
“I already said yeah!”
“Well, yeah to you too!”
“You!”
“No, you!”
or making little penis jokes,
“You have a plan?”
“I have an inkling of one,” she answered, holding her hand up, thumb and forefinger separated by about a half inch.
“So your plan involves Sand’s penis?”
it all works.
Surprisingly, though, it also works as legitimate heist/con fantasy novel, complete with some solid characters to carry it along. Bess and Kaede make for a fantastic pair of protagonists, playing off one another like the best mismatched, odd couple, road trip buddies imaginable; Mother Calliope and Alvernon are two very different, but very amusing, magical scoundrels with secrets; Sand is absolutely perfect as the dumb-as-dirt sheep boy turned insane-swordsman (with a flatulence issue); and Whineblade may just be the funniest sentient sword in fantasy. There are no heroes here, no paragons of virtue, just a parade of idiots, scoundrels, jerks, and sarcastic jerks who pull the story together.
If you're in the mood for a little sophomoric dark humor, over-the-top brutality, sheep jokes, rather imaginative monsters, and a gladiator tournament that actually pays off, then War God Rising is well worth the read. If you don't laugh out loud at least once while reading it, then there's something seriously wrong with you.
Originally reviewed at Beauty in Ruins
If I were in charge of marketing Tim Marquitz's latest, I'd have to go with "Monty Python and the
This was one hell of a fun read, full of groans, moans, and even a few belly laughs. It's so stupid at times that it approaches brilliant, and even the jokes you see coming from pages away somehow land perfectly. Comedic timing is tough, especially when it comes to the written word, but Tim has it nailed. Whether he's making excuses for sheep molestation,
“They attacked me. Vicious, foul demons those creatures were. Vampire sheep."
having a pair of wannabe War Gods engaged in a lively philosophical discussion,
“Yeah?”
“Yeah!”
“Yeah?”
“I already said yeah!”
“Well, yeah to you too!”
“You!”
“No, you!”
or making little penis jokes,
“You have a plan?”
“I have an inkling of one,” she answered, holding her hand up, thumb and forefinger separated by about a half inch.
“So your plan involves Sand’s penis?”
it all works.
Surprisingly, though, it also works as legitimate heist/con fantasy novel, complete with some solid characters to carry it along. Bess and Kaede make for a fantastic pair of protagonists, playing off one another like the best mismatched, odd couple, road trip buddies imaginable; Mother Calliope and Alvernon are two very different, but very amusing, magical scoundrels with secrets; Sand is absolutely perfect as the dumb-as-dirt sheep boy turned insane-swordsman (with a flatulence issue); and Whineblade may just be the funniest sentient sword in fantasy. There are no heroes here, no paragons of virtue, just a parade of idiots, scoundrels, jerks, and sarcastic jerks who pull the story together.
If you're in the mood for a little sophomoric dark humor, over-the-top brutality, sheep jokes, rather imaginative monsters, and a gladiator tournament that actually pays off, then War God Rising is well worth the read. If you don't laugh out loud at least once while reading it, then there's something seriously wrong with you.
Originally reviewed at Beauty in Ruins
Disclaimer: I received a complimentary ARC of this title from the author in exchange for review consideration. This does not in any way affect the honesty or sincerity of my review.
February 17, 2016
Well, it was definitely a book! I got it for $2 on an Amazon deal, so I can't really complain too much about it.
Think of it as 'Rain Man' goes to a medieval wonderland and is cajoled into entering a bunch of gladiatorial scrums by an old pit-fighter and a witch. The humor often fell pretty flat for me, but to be honest I'm chalking it less up to the author's writing and more up to my own sense of humor. It was touted as Monty Python meets Gladiator (I think?), and I didn't really get a Monty Python feel. Maybe more of a "really dumb Van Wylder goes to the fighting pits," or... Yeah, the Rain Man comparison is pretty apt.
One thing I'll add on, and again, likely out of the author's control, is that hot-damn the cover for this is ROUGH! Yikes. It is possible it is totally a rip on Fabio covers, I guess?
Anyways, for a book that cost $2 and I spent 2 hours reading while on vacation, I won't say it was really a waste of time. I guess it is pretty impressive that even though the humor didn't catch me, I crushed my way through the book quickly. The writing is on point and there were several times I chuckled a bit, but, I winced just a few times more.
Think of it as 'Rain Man' goes to a medieval wonderland and is cajoled into entering a bunch of gladiatorial scrums by an old pit-fighter and a witch. The humor often fell pretty flat for me, but to be honest I'm chalking it less up to the author's writing and more up to my own sense of humor. It was touted as Monty Python meets Gladiator (I think?), and I didn't really get a Monty Python feel. Maybe more of a "really dumb Van Wylder goes to the fighting pits," or... Yeah, the Rain Man comparison is pretty apt.
One thing I'll add on, and again, likely out of the author's control, is that hot-damn the cover for this is ROUGH! Yikes. It is possible it is totally a rip on Fabio covers, I guess?
Anyways, for a book that cost $2 and I spent 2 hours reading while on vacation, I won't say it was really a waste of time. I guess it is pretty impressive that even though the humor didn't catch me, I crushed my way through the book quickly. The writing is on point and there were several times I chuckled a bit, but, I winced just a few times more.
February 11, 2016
Funny, Silly, Small, Tight, Well done.
I would have preferred more of a Big-Bad, there really wasn't a major Antagonist in the book.
I would have preferred more of a Big-Bad, there really wasn't a major Antagonist in the book.
April 29, 2017
Great story!
This was a wild ride full of sword fighting, blood and comedy. An excellent concoction that served to keep me glued to the novel. Highly recommended!
This was a wild ride full of sword fighting, blood and comedy. An excellent concoction that served to keep me glued to the novel. Highly recommended!
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews