When Your Partner Has an Addiction: How Compassion Can Transform Your Relationship

by Christopher Kennedy Lawford, Beverly Engel M.F.C.C.

Your partner’s addiction takes a toll on both of your lives.

That doesn’t mean you should turn your back on the person you love.

We’ve been told that staying with a partner who struggles with addiction—whether it be with drugs, alcohol, or addictive behaviors—means that we’re enabling their destructive behavior. That wanting to help them means we’re codependent, and that the best thing for both of us is to walk away from the relationship entirely. But is that true?

How to Love an Addict challenges the idea that the best chance for recovery—for the addict and their partner—is to walk away. Instead, it makes the revolutionary claim that you, and the love you have for your partner, can be a key part of his or her journey to recovery.

Together, addiction activist and bestselling author Christopher Kennedy Lawford and psychotherapist Beverly Engel, MFT, take a fresh look at addiction and codependency—the latest research on what causes them and what the two have in common. Rather than treat addiction or codependency as disease or weakness, How to Love an Addict honors the trauma and shame that often lie at their source and shows you how to use your love to combat that shame, allowing you to more effectively support your partner and heal yourself.

The research proves that, while you cannot “fix” your partner, you can have a positive impact on their recovery. Whether you suffer from codependency, and whether your partner is already in recovery, How to Love an Addict provides you with proven techniques and strategies to drastically improve your relationship and help get your partner the help he needs—without leaving and while taking care of yourself in the process.

Genres: Addiction, Nonfiction, Self Help

232 pages, Paperback

Published October 4, 2016

Reviews

[Lana]

I wish I had read this a long time ago. It helped me understand what goes on in a relationship affected by addiction. If I had been armed with this kind of information in the midst of trying to figure out how to respond to things, maybe I would have known how to be in a relationship effectively while my partner was recovering. I could have recovered more effectively too.

[Laurel]

The book was interesting to read. Overall, not all addictions should be treated the same way. The thing to remember is to hate the addiction, not necessarily the person. Everyone's situation is different and with all addictions, you are never altogether healed. You still need to take it one day at a time.

[Sherrie Saint]

There is not a single person on this planet that has not had their lives touched by someone with an addiction. Everybody needs to read this book. It helps the person dealing with the addict and the addict learns how to deal with the people helping them get through their struggles. Kudos to Chris Lawford for another great book on addiction. He is definitely making a difference

[Toni M. Carroll]

Finally a book about addiction that's not so angry.

This is such an open and honest book about coping with addiction. It doesn't sugar coat the process or give false hope but it does give great advice for self care and compassion. It was 90 percentspot on for me. I will refer back to it often.

[Heather Ravyn]

Highly recommend this book for anyone whose partner suffers from addiction. It really helps walk you through the hurt feelings, how to be supportive without enabling, and work towards healing with compassion, especially when you haven't given up and still want to help the person suffering because there's still love there.

"...if you are reading this book, it probably means that you do still love your partner. That despite hurt after hurt, disappointment after disappointment, and betrayal after betrayal, and despite days where it just doesn't feel worthwhile to keep up the fight, you haven't quite reached the point where you want to give up. You are still looking for a way to help your partner. If this is your situation, this book is for you."

I couldn't say it better myself. This book has really helped me come to terms with what it is I want, how to navigate my emotions and work towards a healthier mindset (both with my partner and with myself), and made me feel understood in a way that therapy and a lot of other books haven't been able to.

[Sandie]

I thought this was a fabulous book. I loved being able to read this and connect some dots and to understand why and I really enjoyed being able to see addiction with a different mind set. I think it was well written and I was able to relate very easily.
This book has really helped me....yes the problems are all still there but I am able to see them in a different light and thus relate differently.
I realize that the time frame that I have been reading it is very long....but I have read and re-read and taken a notebooks worth of notes, working things out and learning from these pages.

[Stacie]

Alternatives to cutting a person who has an addiction out of your life while also healing your own pain with self-compassion. Supporter or collaborator.

[Lace Herrera]

VERY INSIGHTFUL- I LOVED HOW IT READ, IT WAS PACK WITH LOT'S OF INFORMATION.

[Kaitlyn Ratterman]

Different than AlAnon literature aimed at partners/ families and helpful when working with families of those dealing with addiction, especially when the partner is choosing to stay.

[Mia Caven]

wow.

[nancy killen]

Excellent for partners of those with substance dependence

Really good look at what goes on and how to help. Compassion is sooo important.. written well and very readable