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Tales of the Long Bow

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CONTENTS


I. The Unpresentable Appearance of Colonel Crane
II. The Improbable Success of Mr. Owen Hood
III. The Unobtrusive Traffic of Captain Pierce
IV. The Elusive Companion of Parson White
V. The Exclusive Luxury of Enoch Oates
VI. The Unthinkable Theory of Professor Green
VII. The Unprecedented Architecture of Commander Blair
VIII. The Ultimate Ultimatum of the League of the Long Bow

Excerpt:

Chapter I



THE UNPRESENTABLE APPEARANCE OF COLONEL CRANE


These tales concern the doing of things recognized as impossible to do; impossible to believe; and, as the weary reader may well cry aloud, impossible to read about. Did the narrator merely say that they happened, without saying how they happened, they could easily be classified with the cow who jumped over the moon or the more introspective individual who jumped down his own throat.
In short, they are all tall stories; and though tall stories may also be true stories, there is something in the very phrase appropriate to such a topsy-turvydom; for the logician will presumably class a tall story with a corpulent epigram or a long-legged essay.
It is only proper that such impossible incidents should begin in the most prim and prosaic of all places, and apparently with the most prim and prosaic of all human beings.

The place was a straight suburban road of strictly-fenced suburban houses on the outskirts of a modern town. The time was about twenty minutes to eleven on Sunday morning, when a procession of suburban families in Sunday clothes were passing decorously up the road to church. And the man was a very respectable retired military man named Colonel Crane, who was also going to church, as he had done every Sunday at the same hour for a long stretch of years.
There was no obvious difference between him and his neighbours, except that he was a little less obvious. His house was only called White Lodge, and was, therefore, less alluring to the romantic passer-by than Rowanmere on the one side or Heatherbrae on the other.
He turned out spick and span for church as if for parade; but he was much too well dressed to be pointed out as a well-dressed man.


More Reading:
Other Books by G K Chesterton by ADB Publishing
(The Original) As I Was Saying
(The Original) Four Faultless Felons
(The Original) Tales of the Long Bow (This Book)
(The Original) The Club of Queer Trades
(The Original) The Everlasting Man
(The Original) The Man Who Knew Too Much
(The Original) The Man Who Was Thursday
(The Original) The Napoleon of Notting Hill
(The Original) The Paradoxes of Mr Pond
(The Original) The Poet and The Lunatics Episodes in the Life of Gabriel Gale (1929)
(The Original) The Return of Don Quixote
(The Original) The Sword of Wood (1928)
(The Original) The Trees of Pride
BIOGRAPHIES:
(The Original) Charles Dickens
(The Original) George Bernard Shaw
(The Original) Leo Tolstoy
(The Original) Lord Kitchener (1917)
(The Original) Milton Man and Poet
(The Original) Robert Browning
(The Original) Robert Louis Stevenson
(The Original) St Francis of Assisi
(The Original) St. Thomas Aquinas
(The Original) William Cobbett

310 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2001

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About the author

G.K. Chesterton

4,379 books5,942 followers
Gilbert Keith Chesterton was an English writer, philosopher, lay theologian, and literary and art critic.

He was educated at St. Paul’s, and went to art school at University College London. In 1900, he was asked to contribute a few magazine articles on art criticism, and went on to become one of the most prolific writers of all time. He wrote a hundred books, contributions to 200 more, hundreds of poems, including the epic Ballad of the White Horse, five plays, five novels, and some two hundred short stories, including a popular series featuring the priest-detective, Father Brown. In spite of his literary accomplishments, he considered himself primarily a journalist. He wrote over 4000 newspaper essays, including 30 years worth of weekly columns for the Illustrated London News, and 13 years of weekly columns for the Daily News. He also edited his own newspaper, G.K.’s Weekly.

Chesterton was equally at ease with literary and social criticism, history, politics, economics, philosophy, and theology.

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5 stars
60 (34%)
4 stars
62 (36%)
3 stars
44 (25%)
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4 (2%)
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
Profile Image for  amapola.
282 reviews32 followers
November 18, 2018
”Se una cosa merita di esser fatta, merita di esser fatta male”.

Assurdo: uno “stormo” di maiali paracadutato da un dirigibile come dono d’amore di un pilota della Prima Guerra Mondiale per la figlia di un oste.
Assurdo: incappare nel reverendo White che arriva a una vendita di beneficenza di paese in sella a un elefante bianco.
Assurdo: il metodico colonnello Crane che una domenica mattina mette il suo cilindro in testa allo spaventapasseri dell’orto ed esce di casa con in testa un cavolo raccolto nell’orto medesimo.
Assurdo…
Chi conosce Chesterton, però, sa che il suo “assurdo” non è mai davvero tale, è piuttosto un paradosso, un gioco intelligente per spronarci a guardare il nostro mondo da una prospettiva nuova, imprevista, colorata, diversa da quella solita.

“quando un uomo come voi dopo vent’anni di vita normale all’improvviso compie un’azione del genere soltanto per tener fede alla parola data, dà l’impressione di essere davvero un uomo padrone del suo destino”.

Impagabile GKC!



Profile Image for Marian H.
292 reviews224 followers
May 6, 2019
Chesterton's England, ca. 100 years ago, is home to a de facto group of patriots, a Robin Hood renaissance. There's the lawyer, Mr. Robert Owen Hood, whose name itself harkens back to the leader of the Merry Men. His friend Colonel Crane is a quiet soul with a fiery past, plus a penchant for studying indigenous tribes and their religions. Among the other five members, the aviator Hilary Pierce stands out as a brash aviator, someone full of antics which he carries out with great seriousness.

Their goal? To achieve impossible things, and to save England from despots. So Mr. Hood sets the Thames on fire, Colonel Crane eats his hat, and Hilary Pierce makes pigs fly, all in the name of rescuing the common man from the evils of either greedy aristocrats or corrupt bureaucrats. Sly politicians, doctors, and scientists stand in their way, but the League of the Long Bow prevails with one promise: it always does what it says it will do.

When I think of weird classics, I think of Lewis Carroll's Sylvie and Bruno or Joseph Conrad and Ford Madox Ford's The Inheritors (the latter I left unfinished). But Tales of the Long Bow is a whole 'nother level of weird. It is very niche, to the point that if you don't know much about British politics and social changes at the beginning of the 20th century, then much of the book will make no sense. I had just enough knowledge to basically "get it."

The humor is also very quirky and British. Chesterton's brand of absurdism is both punny and layered, so you feel like you're listening to an endless stream of inside jokes, interwoven with the social commentary. Some of it is pretty hilarious, like his depiction of the obsequious Mr. Vernon-Smith:
"I wish those friends of yours didn't give you such revolutionary ideas," said Mr. Vernon-Smith. "My cousin knows the most dreadful cranks, vegetarians and--and Socialists." He chanced it, feeling that vegetarians were not quite the same as vegetables; and he felt sure the Colonel would share his horror of Socialists.

The book is a series of short stories, and some of them are stronger than others. I think my favorite might be "The Exclusive Luxury of Enoch Oates," featuring a particularly hammy caricature of an American millionaire.

As a whole, where the book fell short for me were some of the subplots, which seemed to drag on too long or had an "aha!" moment that was more silly than funny. Also, there was occasional derogatory racial language, which was disappointing.

Overall, I give it 3 stars. I didn't love it, but I'm not sorry I read it. Tales of the Long Bow is a strange combination of now-esoteric social commentary, quasi-Dickensian characters, and sometimes hilarious, sometimes aggravating storylines.
Profile Image for Manuel Alfonseca.
Author 81 books236 followers
January 22, 2019
ENGLISH: The seven protagonists of these eight stories are extravagant men, who start doing very difficult deeds (consisting, in general, in applying literally a phrase or a proverb) and end up launching a social revolution based on distributism, the economic-political theory sponsored by Chesterton and Belloc, based on the social doctrine of the Catholic Church.

The last of the stories, where the main characters recall the causes of their victory, had less interest for me. The funniest was the first. As for the seventh, Chesterton proves once again his clairvoyance by introducing a British Conservative Prime Minister named Lord Eden (the same surname as Anthony Eden, who held that position in 1955-57) who prefers to apply socialism rather than distributism. His political chicanery would be hilarious, if it weren't so true to reality.

ESPAÑOL: Los siete protagonistas de estos ocho cuentos son hombres extravagantes, que empiezan realizando hazañas dificilísimas (que consisten, en general, en aplicar al pie de la letra una frase hecha o un proverbio) y terminan poniendo en marcha una revolución social basada en el distributismo, la teoría económico-política patrocinada por Chesterton y Belloc, basada en la doctrina social de la Iglesia Católica.

El último de los cuentos, en el que los protagonistas rememoran las causas de su victoria, es el que tuvo menos interés para mí. El más divertido de todos fue el primero. En cuanto al séptimo, Chesterton demuestra una vez más su clarividencia al presentar a un primer ministro británico conservador llamado Lord Eden (el mismo apellido que Anthony Eden, que desempeñó ese cargo en 1955-57) que prefiere aplicar el socialismo antes que el distributismo. Sus marrullerías políticas serían hilarantes, si no fuesen tan fieles a la realidad.
Profile Image for Rafa.
199 reviews5 followers
April 16, 2022
Colección de relatos por momentos hilarantes en ese estilo tan propio de Chesterton que se puede ver en libros como "El hombre que fue Jueves" o "La taberna errante". Con un grupo de personajes a cada cual más extraño pero a la vez entrañable y en los que la campiña, la tan adorada campiña inglesa, es tan protagonista como cualquiera de los personajes antes mencionados.
Lectura agradable y fácil de digerir ideal para esos días en los que no tenemos ganas de demasiadas disquisiciones y si de un momento agradable de lectura.
Profile Image for Lisa Kucharski.
1,085 reviews
July 1, 2020
I would give this 2 1/2 stars. I enjoyed some elements of the book while finding sections tiresome/long winded.

The book is a series of intertwining stories. The layout is quite common today, where one character is the lead in a story and ends with another entering the story line- to then be the lead in the next story. There are re-occurring people throughout- and winds up being a fanciful story, and a social commentary, and a romantic story where all the men find a woman to love.

I think this is a book that has a specific audience for it. It certainly feels like a book from the period (1924) between the wars- where there was changes happening in society but also a highly romantic aspect as well. The more interesting elements of the story were when ideas were discussed more than plot action.

If you’re looking for a book that reflects ideas of the time, this would be a good place to start. If you’re looking for a plot that moves- this has odd events but they are secondary to the ideas being presented. The story is more a conversation aspect of the author talking to you about ideas.
Profile Image for Anna Bosman.
114 reviews7 followers
January 9, 2012
...His gentlemen are active and verbal, his ladies are passive, quiet and angelic in that perfectly Victorian fashion which Virginia Woolf hated so much, and all of his characters irrespectively of their sex are one hundred percent chestertonian - in fact, whenever there is a monologue longer than one sentence, you can distinctively hear the voice of Chesterton himself, versatile but constant. That is the only characteristic of his novels which makes it hard for me to call them novels in the full sense of the word: there's too much Chesterton throughout.
Profile Image for Derek Nudd.
Author 4 books12 followers
November 8, 2021
Not, as we might imagine, a tale of medieval swashbuckling but a collection of linked short stories set in the early 1920s. Each, until the denouement, introduces a new character and collectively they celebrate English eccentricity, honesty, tradition and tolerance. For a certain value of tolerance - I will come back to that.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with this and the writing and storytelling are good in the context of the time (published 1925). Chesterton is understandably repulsed by the industrial slaughter of the recent Great War, and harks back to a (mythical) simpler, more honourable, agrarian world.
So why one star? It returns to that 'certain value of tolerance'. Let me say first that I am not a fan of projecting 21st century sensitivities onto historical behaviour. Yet I see Chesterton, one of the brightest of his time, completely failing to appreciate that his world has irrevocably changed. He passionately defends the right of foreigners to their their peculiar customs (and to perceive ours as peculiar) so long as they stay with their 'tribe' and we with ours. Most perniciously, there is more than a whiff of unthinking antisemitism. We know, as he didn't, the approaching cataclysm that such complacency would facilitate over the next twenty years.
Profile Image for Stuart Gathman.
12 reviews8 followers
August 24, 2021
This tale reminds of Bach's Crab Canon - it is told backward and forward! In the first chapter, an eccentric gentleman steps on his top hat and replaces it with a cabbage. Why?? wonders the reader. Never fear, the next chapter is a prequel, leaving you a clue and more questions. By the time you get to the beginning/end of the story, you realize that the gentleman and his friends are men of their word. And that's all the spoiler you'll get.

The political thrust of the story is akin to "Atlas Shrugged" - an increasingly and inanely tyrannical English government is essentially ignored by intelligent and industrious men and women of both substantial and limited means. They go about their business helping themselves and others despite government bans (in the name of "hygiene" - e.g. a ban on pig farming) in delightfully entertaining and creative ways.

Truly a work of literary genius. And there are more straightforwardly told tales from Chesterton if you don't appreciate the brain twisting.

Free copies of this an all Chesterton works can be found on ccel.org as well as gutenberg.org and librivox.org.
Profile Image for Rex Libris.
1,361 reviews4 followers
October 25, 2023
I am supposing this could count as a "dystopian" novel. It is a series of adventures of a group of eccentric and culturally "English" individuals. Each take exception to various progressive "reforms" of the post WWI government until things up in a popular revolution.

This story rings true today as much as it did when Chesterton wrote it. "Progressive" government exists as much to benefit itself as it does to supposedly "help" people. But the people it is supposed to help suffer from the cure far worse than the alleged disease ever hurt them, and government and its allies always seems to end up well off.

Too bad the people of Chesterton's time really did not catch on to this; and even worse, people of our time are blind to it as well.
129 reviews
December 1, 2024
Tohle je poklad, v mnohém připomíná styl Karla Čapka, nebo inspirace přišla naopak z druhé strany? Jasně ukazuje Chestertonův názor na politiku a veřejné otázky. Veselým způsobem ukazuje své osobní preference a dělá si legraci ze svých oponentů. Kdyby tak viděl, co se za pár let bude dít v bolševickém Rusku, asi by nebyl tak optimistický se svým revolucionářstvím, ale Anglie je trochu jiný svět.

"Jestliže je světu třeba křížové války za společné ideály, jest nejlépe vedena mužů bez manželských pout, jako jsou františkáni. Ale dojde-li k boji o soukromé vlastnictví, nemůžete z něj vyloučit ženy. Nemůžete mít rodinný stateček bez rodiny."
Profile Image for Zakhar.
42 reviews1 follower
April 2, 2023
The most boring of all the Chesterton’s books I’ve read (and I’ve read most of his major works). In some episodes and ruminations it reveals that even the most intelligent and wise English writers are incurably ill with the disease of exceptionalism. Especially ridiculous are the author’s assertions about a unique nature of the English language. Pathetic and untrue! Though, undeniably the author is faithful to his incomparable style and many expressed thoughts and twists of the plot are impressive and chestertonian.
Profile Image for Abhik Gulati.
Author 6 books4 followers
January 27, 2025
'His is only a toy bow; and when a boy shoot with such a bow, it is generally very difficult to find the arrow—or the boy.'
247 reviews10 followers
August 19, 2015
This was a lot of fun. The guys in this story get into all sorts of adventures, with characteristic Chestertonian foibles and solutions. The last chapter brings everything together nicely. It gives the benefit of imparting hope while being entertaining.
Profile Image for Lynne.
368 reviews2 followers
January 15, 2017
Wonderfully witty tale of a group of British oddballs, who, on closer inspection, appear saner than the authority figures in the story. Also what happens when the local language idiom is taken literally. A delightful read.
Profile Image for Verde.
1 review2 followers
June 30, 2012
Revoluciones imposibles que nacen de sucesos cotidianos. En estos cuentos enlazados la vaca de verdad salta sobre la Luna
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews