Difficult Conversations (HBR 20-Minute Manager Series): Craft a Clear Message, Manage Emotions, Focus on a Solution

by Harvard Business Review

You have to talk with a colleague about a fraught situation, but you're worried that they'll yell, or blame you, or shut down. You fear your emotions could block you from a resolution. But you can communicate in a way that's constructive--not combative. Difficult Conversations walks you

Uncovering the root cause of frictionMaintaining a positive mind-setUntangling the problem togetherAgreeing on a way forward

Don't have much time? Get up to speed fast on the most essential business skills with HBR's 20-Minute Manager series. Whether you need a crash course or a brief refresher, each book in the series is a concise, practical primer that will help you brush up on a key management topic. Advice you can quickly read and apply, for ambitious professionals and aspiring executives--from the most trusted source in business. Also available as an ebook.

Genres: Business, Leadership, Nonfiction, Management, Communication, Self Help, Personal Development

130 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 26, 2016

Reviews

[Mark Muckerman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not bad, and a good starting point of framework if you're just starting to tackle the challenge of how to have (effective) difficult conversations. However, even as part of the "20 Minute Manager" series from HBR (which is usually pretty good), this only should qualify as a "10 Minute Manager" asset - too thin. . .

If you really want a helpful framework and developmental asset to having better difficult conversations, I'd suggest Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen. Much deeper and specific in guidance and perspectives. I received my first copy as a tactful gift from a co-worker in 2003, and I found it so helpful in reframing conversations that I make a point of re-reading it every January to help re-frame my communication perspective for each new year, and I also provide a copy to every new hire I bring into my team(s).

[Venera Arakelyan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple, short and to the point.

"... It's not about being smooth or talking a good game - It's about making it a priority to be your best self even in the most challenging situations."

[Umair Aslam · Rating 4 out of 5]

A primer on why candour is important when it comes to difficult conversations. Don't stop with this though and keep reading up on this.

[Kari Olfert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Delivers what it says it will deliver. Difficult convos are broken down to understanding them, seeing what's what, identifying the emotions, big picture perspective, effective framing, listening and responding with understanding, remaining flexible, finding things you agree on and doing it all over again.

[Scarletredish Rack · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick read that provides valuable insight on how clear communication can be a valuable asset to any group of people or in an organization.

[Valerie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another book I read for work as part of continuous development.

Unlike the last book, this one was not quite as good. It was a quick read, but I didn't particularly think that was a good thing as this is such an important topic and pretty much every company can improve its communication, on all levels.

Despite this being listed as for managers, I would list it instead as a primer for regular employees or supervisors. Once someone becomes a manager, I would hope they get something far more in-depth than this skim-the-surface introduction to such an important topic.

If this is to be given to an actual manager, then it should simply be as a refresher of what they should already be doing or have learned, not as part of that initial learning.

I will not be checking out the rest of the series based on this.

[N. Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a handy little book for gaining insight on how to navigate workplace and personal conflict. The scenarios are specific to the workplace, however the tools are certainly there to be used in relationships beyond that.
It’s short, to the point, and if you have a couple hours, can be read in that timeframe.
I think if we were all more aware of our triggers and further considered, on a regular basis, that there might be more going on with the other person that we’re having conflict with AND make the effort to resolve with the desire to truly understand where things are going wrong, the world would be a phenomenally better place.
I recommend this book as a launchpad for bettering all of your relationships.

[Auriane Sauv · Rating 4 out of 5]

Each to there own. People might find this book a bit cliché and full of conventional wisdom, but for me this book says a lot with little words, cut to the chase, short and totally useful. Haven’t put the wisdom to use yet, though should help us humans restrain from acting out of instinct, which undeniably the culprit behind most troubles.

[Darya · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is very good for a starter in difficult situations resolving and communicating. It does provide a comprehensive and well structured practical approach in dealing with businesses situations that need some clarity or have a conflict in place. I loved some nice tips and think the book is very valuable.

[Lena · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe everyone entering the work force should read this. Even if you are not entering management. It gives great tips on how to handle engagement between colleagues. Was it what I was looking for Exactly? No. However HBR provides a quick read with great engagement.

[Vera Sim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good elaboration on complex emotions involved in workplace conflicts and how to manage them. Examples provided were realistic as well. Shares a systematic approach in tackling difficult conversations, with helpful preparatory steps included.

[Ilona · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and useful.

[Shalvi Sharma · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick 20-minute guide to manage a difficult conversation.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book with valuable bullet points, but I was hoping for a little more about how to have difficult conversations as a manager, not as a colleague.

[Gabriele MaZa · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a very small and short book, so still worth reading besides the three stars that I gave. You can find some nice examples, situations and theoretical solutions to it.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good little book to give you some general advice and starting points to begin to tackle difficult conversations. While it's aimed for being used in the workplace it's a good life skill to have.

[Channon Brooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Read

Simple and to the point. I also appreciate the additional resources at the end of the book. A good read.

[Dave · Rating 2 out of 5]

Of all the books in the series, this was the least engaging. Not too much to report on this one

[Mark Stapel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audible added notes

[Steph Ryder · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for work related research - had some good points but would like it to have more external communication examples

[Charbel El Haddad · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick and straight advices on how to deal with difficult conversations at your workplace.

[Matthew Mechtly · Rating 2 out of 5]

The least informative of the HBR 20 minute manager series

[Lincoln · Rating 5 out of 5]

Concise writing. I might read it again.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beneficial for Leaders

Good read for those in leadership roles. Great tips on how to execute having a hard conversation with a co worker

[Monique · Rating 4 out of 5]

As succinct primer on having difficult conversations including a focus on the preparatory work required. Has some useful tips and self reflection questions.

[Bruno · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short and concise with effective tips for NEW, or inexperienced managers who haven’t dealt with conflict at work.

[Maria Balsamo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an excellent guide to understanding the emotional components of difficult conversations and how to prepare for them to get the best outcome for all those involved. By providing a structure to think through your thoughts, feelings, biases, desired outcomes and the same for the other person , this book helps see the situation with more objectivity and clarity.

I found this guide to be helpful identifying the key elements of a conflict and how to prepare for a healthy, compassionate conversation to address it.

[Kerry Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great tips and theory and a quick, easy read. Highly recommended.

[Aruna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical quick read!

[Bizzy Day · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read with practical, easy to take advice. I read it before a big meeting and it increased my confidence tenfold. Something I'll continue to use again and again!