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Then Comes Marriage: How Two Women Fought for and Won Equal Dignity for All
A Los Angeles Times Best Book of 2015: “A riveting account of a watershed moment in our history.”―President Bill Clinton Renowned litigator Roberta Kaplan knew from the beginning that it was the perfect case to bring down the so-called Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Edie Windsor and Thea Spyer had been together as a couple, in sickness and in health, for more than forty years―enduring society’s homophobia as well as Spyer’s near total paralysis from multiple sclerosis. Although the couple was finally able to marry, when Spyer died the federal government refused to recognize their marriage, forcing Windsor to pay a huge estate tax bill. In this gripping, definitive account of one of our nation’s most significant civil rights victories―named a Ms. Magazine Top 10 Feminist Book of 2015 and a National Law Journal Top 10 Supreme Court Aficionado Book of 2015―Kaplan describes meeting Windsor and their journey together to defeat DOMA. She shares the behind-the-scenes highs and lows, the excitement and the worries, and provides intriguing insights into her historic argument before the Supreme Court. A critical and previously untold part of the narrative is Kaplan’s own personal story, including her struggle for self-acceptance in order to create a loving family of her own. Then Comes Marriage tells this quintessentially American story with honesty, humor, and heart. It is the momentous yet intimate account of a thrilling victory for equality under the law for all Americans, gay or straight. 8 pages of illustrations
368 pages, Paperback
First published October 5, 2015
25 people are currently reading
682 people want to read
About the author
Roberta Kaplan
1 book5 followersRoberta Kaplan is a partner at Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP. Since winning United States v. Windsor, she litigated the case against the gay marriage ban in Mississippi and filed “The People’s Brief” in the Supreme Court case of Obergefell v. Hodges. She lives in New York City with her wife and son.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews
October 23, 2015
Originally published at Reading Reality
This book, like yesterday’s review book, Grant Park, is about a day when the universe changed.
That book centered around the election of Barack Obama. This one concerns events that took place after Obama was elected, events that probably would have taken a lot longer under a different administration.
On March 27, 2013, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments concerning the case of United States V. Windsor, the case that struck down DOMA, the Federal Defense of Marriage Act, as unconstitutional. Windsor became the precedent that enabled courts across the U.S. to strike down state statutes that attempted to restrict marriage. This past summer, in the case of Obergefell v. Hodges, marriage equality became the law of the land.
Then Comes Marriage is the third book that I have read about this case and its aftermath. Last year’s Forcing the Spring: Inside the Fight for Marriage Equality is an account of the other marriage equality case that came before the Supreme Court in 2013, the case against California’s Prop 8. In some ways, Then Comes Marriage feels like the other side of that story, as the reporter who wrote Forcing the Spring was embedded in the other legal team. And though she interviewed the principals in Windsor after the fact, her coverage of the Windsor case is naturally not as complete as it is for the case that she was personally involved with.
Speak Now: Marriage Equality on Trial also covers the Prop. 8 case, but from the perspective of a married gay lawyer who was not professionally involved in the case but would be impacted by the result.
I found it interesting that both the Yoshino book and this one take their titles from ages old references to marriage and being married. The other title is a play on the part of the marriage ceremony where the officiant addresses the audience regarding whether anyone can show just cause to stop the impending marriage with the phrase “speak now or forever hold your peace”.
Then Comes Marriage is part of a childhood taunting rhyme, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes someone with a baby carriage.” Because after the recent rulings that someone could be a man and woman, two women, or two men. Love is love and marriage is finally marriage.
But this book, as written by the lawyer who argued the Windsor case, starts at the very beginning. And in this beginning are Edie Windsor and Thea Spyer, two women who pledged their love to each other in 1967, at a time before the Stonewall Riots when they secretly hoped but never expected that the marriage that Thea proposed to Edie could ever be celebrated in the U.S. Although they were not able to marry in the U.S., Edie and a terminally ill Thea flew to Toronto in 2007 to get married.
The U.S. recognizes marriages conducted in Canada, but DOMA prevented the U.S. from recognizing Edie’s marriage to Thea. So when Thea died in 2009, the Federal government and New York State presented her with a whopping $600,000 bill for inheritance taxes. Taxes that Edie would not have had to pay if Thea had been Theo or Edie had been Eddie. But not, at that time, both.
Edie chose to fight. This was her case. But she won for everyone.
Reality Rating A-: It’s pretty clear to anyone who has read my reviews of Speak Now and Forcing the Spring that I am for marriage equality. So I was predisposed to like this book from the outset.
As a narrative of the case, it reads differently from Forcing the Spring. That was a legal thriller to rival anything by Grisham. It’s also different because the stars in the Prop 8 case were the two lawyers who argued the case.
In Then Comes Marriage, Edie Windsor is the center of the story. Unlike a lot of civil rights legislation, no one went shopping for a perfect set of plaintiffs to represent the spectrum of the case. Edie had a very specific grievance, and she wanted things to be set right. While the money was important, the real issue was that the government said her marriage did not exist, that her 40+ years of living with, loving, and supporting Thea did not count, that they were legally strangers to each other.
When the story of Edie’s life with Thea is portrayed, it is crystal clear to the reader just how wrong that was. Also the legal case was very clear and relatively simple. The marriage was legally conducted in Canada. The U.S. recognizes Canadian marriages as valid. What was the rational basis for treating Edie and Thea’s marriage differently? And the court came to the conclusion that there wasn’t one.
While the story of Edie’s life felt relevant, the book begins with a section on the lawyer’s life, and how and why she ended up arguing this case. While it seemed fitting that the author’s motives, thoughts and feelings were interjected into the story of the progress of the case at frequent intervals, I wasn’t sure that she was the place to start. The back-to-back biographical sections made the beginning of the book drag just a bit.
But once the case starts proceeding through the courts, the narrative tension mounts at a gripping pace. Even though we know how the story ends, the process of getting there still had me opening the book in unlikely places, just to see how things were going. I felt like the protagonists did while waiting to read the rulings, peeking at any interval just to get in a few more words.
The author’s description of the aftermath of the case reads like a victory lap. And so it should. Edie Windsor, and the author, made the universe change.
This book, like yesterday’s review book, Grant Park, is about a day when the universe changed.
That book centered around the election of Barack Obama. This one concerns events that took place after Obama was elected, events that probably would have taken a lot longer under a different administration.
On March 27, 2013, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments concerning the case of United States V. Windsor, the case that struck down DOMA, the Federal Defense of Marriage Act, as unconstitutional. Windsor became the precedent that enabled courts across the U.S. to strike down state statutes that attempted to restrict marriage. This past summer, in the case of Obergefell v. Hodges, marriage equality became the law of the land.
Then Comes Marriage is the third book that I have read about this case and its aftermath. Last year’s Forcing the Spring: Inside the Fight for Marriage Equality is an account of the other marriage equality case that came before the Supreme Court in 2013, the case against California’s Prop 8. In some ways, Then Comes Marriage feels like the other side of that story, as the reporter who wrote Forcing the Spring was embedded in the other legal team. And though she interviewed the principals in Windsor after the fact, her coverage of the Windsor case is naturally not as complete as it is for the case that she was personally involved with.
Speak Now: Marriage Equality on Trial also covers the Prop. 8 case, but from the perspective of a married gay lawyer who was not professionally involved in the case but would be impacted by the result.
I found it interesting that both the Yoshino book and this one take their titles from ages old references to marriage and being married. The other title is a play on the part of the marriage ceremony where the officiant addresses the audience regarding whether anyone can show just cause to stop the impending marriage with the phrase “speak now or forever hold your peace”.
Then Comes Marriage is part of a childhood taunting rhyme, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes someone with a baby carriage.” Because after the recent rulings that someone could be a man and woman, two women, or two men. Love is love and marriage is finally marriage.
But this book, as written by the lawyer who argued the Windsor case, starts at the very beginning. And in this beginning are Edie Windsor and Thea Spyer, two women who pledged their love to each other in 1967, at a time before the Stonewall Riots when they secretly hoped but never expected that the marriage that Thea proposed to Edie could ever be celebrated in the U.S. Although they were not able to marry in the U.S., Edie and a terminally ill Thea flew to Toronto in 2007 to get married.
The U.S. recognizes marriages conducted in Canada, but DOMA prevented the U.S. from recognizing Edie’s marriage to Thea. So when Thea died in 2009, the Federal government and New York State presented her with a whopping $600,000 bill for inheritance taxes. Taxes that Edie would not have had to pay if Thea had been Theo or Edie had been Eddie. But not, at that time, both.
Edie chose to fight. This was her case. But she won for everyone.
Reality Rating A-: It’s pretty clear to anyone who has read my reviews of Speak Now and Forcing the Spring that I am for marriage equality. So I was predisposed to like this book from the outset.
As a narrative of the case, it reads differently from Forcing the Spring. That was a legal thriller to rival anything by Grisham. It’s also different because the stars in the Prop 8 case were the two lawyers who argued the case.
In Then Comes Marriage, Edie Windsor is the center of the story. Unlike a lot of civil rights legislation, no one went shopping for a perfect set of plaintiffs to represent the spectrum of the case. Edie had a very specific grievance, and she wanted things to be set right. While the money was important, the real issue was that the government said her marriage did not exist, that her 40+ years of living with, loving, and supporting Thea did not count, that they were legally strangers to each other.
When the story of Edie’s life with Thea is portrayed, it is crystal clear to the reader just how wrong that was. Also the legal case was very clear and relatively simple. The marriage was legally conducted in Canada. The U.S. recognizes Canadian marriages as valid. What was the rational basis for treating Edie and Thea’s marriage differently? And the court came to the conclusion that there wasn’t one.
While the story of Edie’s life felt relevant, the book begins with a section on the lawyer’s life, and how and why she ended up arguing this case. While it seemed fitting that the author’s motives, thoughts and feelings were interjected into the story of the progress of the case at frequent intervals, I wasn’t sure that she was the place to start. The back-to-back biographical sections made the beginning of the book drag just a bit.
But once the case starts proceeding through the courts, the narrative tension mounts at a gripping pace. Even though we know how the story ends, the process of getting there still had me opening the book in unlikely places, just to see how things were going. I felt like the protagonists did while waiting to read the rulings, peeking at any interval just to get in a few more words.
The author’s description of the aftermath of the case reads like a victory lap. And so it should. Edie Windsor, and the author, made the universe change.
September 11, 2015
“The attorney who argued before the Supreme Court for the plaintiff in this landmark case gives the story behind the headlines. Kaplan integrates personal narrative with legal strategy throughout, combining her own struggles with a fascinating look at the brave and unconventional life led by her client. This is a heartwarming and inspiring account of one widow’s pursuit of justice and dignity.”
Darren Nelson, Sno-Isle Libraries, Marysville, WA
Darren Nelson, Sno-Isle Libraries, Marysville, WA
September 24, 2016
In Then Comes Marriage, Roberta Kaplan, lead attorney in the 2013 US v. Windsor Supreme Court case, details the story behind the defeat of the Defense of Marriage Act. Kaplan manages to artfully weave her own biography – the shame of growing up gay in a more conservative time – against the backdrop of an American landscape bedeviled by the Defense of Marriage Act, and the destructive impact that the legislation had on committed same-sex couples – specifically that of Edie Windsor (for whom the SCOTUS case is named) and her late wife, Thea Spyer.
Unlike Jo Becker, who tries and fails to maintain a sense of journalistic objectivity in her book, Forcing the Spring (detailing the behind-the-scenes story of Hollingsworth v. Perry ¬– argued before the Supreme Court the day prior to Windsor), Kaplan can, and does, embrace her role as an activist. She tells the story from the perspective of not only a client advocate, but also of someone who is actively affected by the outcome of the case. She does away with all objective pretense – and here that’s okay, because Kaplan is an advocate, and her own story is uniquely intertwined with the case she is arguing. And, while Kaplan’s eagerness to regale the reader with her own life story alongside that of Windsor (something readers interested only in the history of the case may find irritating) slows the narrative from really gathering momentum, it does eventually play well. As the reader learns, Kaplan has unique experience with Spyer many years prior to even meeting Edie Windsor that, if not necessary to the story, is certainly endearing.
While Then Comes Marriage has a slow start, it finished powerfully. It shines in a number of areas. First, for readers unfamiliar with the judicial process, this book offers a basic primer that is easy to understand and goes beyond, with Kaplan skillfully injecting a sense of urgency and drama to some relatively mundane legal processes. There is no heavy-handedness in Kaplan’s education of the reader. Further, for readers of Forcing the Spring, or those otherwise familiar with the two cases covered in these two books, it is clear that Kaplan chose a different legal strategy than did the lawyers seeking to overturn California’s Prop 8. While the challengers of Prop 8 chose to pursue a 50-state solution (wholesale legalization of same-sex marriage, Kaplan was skeptical that the Court would be receptive and, instead, deliberately chose to focus on the merits of the Windsor case only. In the end, this pragmatic approach led to a larger victory than did the 50-state approach. Those arguing to overturn Prop 8 won their case on a technicality – the Court found that supporters of Prop 8 did not have standing to sue. As a result, the lower court ruling, overturning Prop 8 and reinstating same-sex marriage in California, went into effect. This was a limited ruling – certainly not a 50-state solution. In Windsor, however, the Court ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act, wholesale, was unconstitutional, delivering a 50-state solution to Kaplan and her team. And, Kaplan does lyrical justice to the storytelling.
In the end, Then Comes Marriage is a lovely book. It is carefully rendered quilt – a personal journey of self-acceptance, a civil rights courtroom drama, and, at its heart, a love story. While the story is slow to take flight, it ultimately soars.
Unlike Jo Becker, who tries and fails to maintain a sense of journalistic objectivity in her book, Forcing the Spring (detailing the behind-the-scenes story of Hollingsworth v. Perry ¬– argued before the Supreme Court the day prior to Windsor), Kaplan can, and does, embrace her role as an activist. She tells the story from the perspective of not only a client advocate, but also of someone who is actively affected by the outcome of the case. She does away with all objective pretense – and here that’s okay, because Kaplan is an advocate, and her own story is uniquely intertwined with the case she is arguing. And, while Kaplan’s eagerness to regale the reader with her own life story alongside that of Windsor (something readers interested only in the history of the case may find irritating) slows the narrative from really gathering momentum, it does eventually play well. As the reader learns, Kaplan has unique experience with Spyer many years prior to even meeting Edie Windsor that, if not necessary to the story, is certainly endearing.
While Then Comes Marriage has a slow start, it finished powerfully. It shines in a number of areas. First, for readers unfamiliar with the judicial process, this book offers a basic primer that is easy to understand and goes beyond, with Kaplan skillfully injecting a sense of urgency and drama to some relatively mundane legal processes. There is no heavy-handedness in Kaplan’s education of the reader. Further, for readers of Forcing the Spring, or those otherwise familiar with the two cases covered in these two books, it is clear that Kaplan chose a different legal strategy than did the lawyers seeking to overturn California’s Prop 8. While the challengers of Prop 8 chose to pursue a 50-state solution (wholesale legalization of same-sex marriage, Kaplan was skeptical that the Court would be receptive and, instead, deliberately chose to focus on the merits of the Windsor case only. In the end, this pragmatic approach led to a larger victory than did the 50-state approach. Those arguing to overturn Prop 8 won their case on a technicality – the Court found that supporters of Prop 8 did not have standing to sue. As a result, the lower court ruling, overturning Prop 8 and reinstating same-sex marriage in California, went into effect. This was a limited ruling – certainly not a 50-state solution. In Windsor, however, the Court ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act, wholesale, was unconstitutional, delivering a 50-state solution to Kaplan and her team. And, Kaplan does lyrical justice to the storytelling.
In the end, Then Comes Marriage is a lovely book. It is carefully rendered quilt – a personal journey of self-acceptance, a civil rights courtroom drama, and, at its heart, a love story. While the story is slow to take flight, it ultimately soars.
January 1, 2016
Excellent synopsis of the makings of United States v. Windsor, exploring the life of not only the book's author (and attorney for the plaintiff in this case, Edie Windsor), but also of Ms. Windsor herself. This is partly about the painstaking process of creating the victory in Windsor (naturally leading to Obergefell v. Hodges two years later), and partly about Roberta Kaplan and Edie Windsor, their coming out processes, and the lives they've lived and the women they've loved.
The "legalese" is broken down enough that a non-lawyer can understand it, but not so broken down the a lawyer would be bored reading it (anecdotally, of course, I certainly wasn't bored reading it). Kaplan includes sections of transcripts from oral arguments as well as quotations from briefs. Intertwined with what is arguably one of the most important cases in recent SCOTUS history is the day-to-day living of Kaplan and Windsor as they navigated this path together.
Kaplan is remarkably honest about her feelings and reservations about arguing her first case in front of SCOTUS. The Supreme Court bar is largely made up of the same repeat players, and Kaplan was a newbie coming in to argue what was easily the most watched case of our time. She allows the reader to experience that nervousness, reservation, and second-guessing with her, and even recounts a particularly ugly moment when it boiled over during a practice moot. Kaplan is remarkably honest in telling this story, and doesn't try to sanitize it for the reader's benefit.
Kaplan also recounts this story with humor, and pulls no punches in describing some of the amici briefs that came in from marriage equality opponents. The Paul Weiss team for the Windsor case was clearly made up of a cast of characters as many of the back-and-forth moments between them make for some laugh-worthy moments in the midst of a significant legal and civil rights moment in our nation's history.
Truly excellent read.
The "legalese" is broken down enough that a non-lawyer can understand it, but not so broken down the a lawyer would be bored reading it (anecdotally, of course, I certainly wasn't bored reading it). Kaplan includes sections of transcripts from oral arguments as well as quotations from briefs. Intertwined with what is arguably one of the most important cases in recent SCOTUS history is the day-to-day living of Kaplan and Windsor as they navigated this path together.
Kaplan is remarkably honest about her feelings and reservations about arguing her first case in front of SCOTUS. The Supreme Court bar is largely made up of the same repeat players, and Kaplan was a newbie coming in to argue what was easily the most watched case of our time. She allows the reader to experience that nervousness, reservation, and second-guessing with her, and even recounts a particularly ugly moment when it boiled over during a practice moot. Kaplan is remarkably honest in telling this story, and doesn't try to sanitize it for the reader's benefit.
Kaplan also recounts this story with humor, and pulls no punches in describing some of the amici briefs that came in from marriage equality opponents. The Paul Weiss team for the Windsor case was clearly made up of a cast of characters as many of the back-and-forth moments between them make for some laugh-worthy moments in the midst of a significant legal and civil rights moment in our nation's history.
Truly excellent read.
October 12, 2015
This work from the attorney who argued the case for Edie Windsor is touching and poignant. I was in tears several times during the reading. Of course, we already know who won, but the build up to the legal parts is intriguing, as well. Once again, I was reminded of the fallibility and questionable reasoning of some of the Supreme Court justices. I will always be a Bader-Ginsberg fan, and I will never be a Scalia fan. Some things always remain the same.
June 18, 2015
Roberta Kaplan's book is part memoir, part narrative legal case history, insightful, humorous, intimate and educational about the Defense of Marriage Act and it's defeat. There are heart-wrenching stories which bring the degree of the civil rights injustices to light. It shows how some laws, become completely untenable as our society develops and evolves.
July 1, 2019
This engaging story about the recent Supreme Court that strict down rules against same sex marriage is a good read for anyone who likes to see how lawyers work. While the first quarter of the book seems a but amateurish, once the law case gets rolling, we see how lawyers (especially young ones) operate. This is a book about strategy and tactics in the court room.
September 16, 2015
A fascinating look into the justice system framed against the backdrop of this high-profile marriage equality case. Highly recommended for those interested in civil rights and social justice.
December 5, 2023
This is an excellent look at the turning point in US history where gay marriage just became marriage for the whole of the country. Windsor was partnered with Thea who has MS and was progressive meaning she would become quadriplegic. Even with the news a 44-year-long partnership in the time before Stonewall started and was maintained until her death from heart complications. Then came the estate taxes Windsor had to pay because Thea was not Theo so their Canadian wedding was not recognized in New York, the state where the pair made a life. In comes Robbie, a lawyer who went all the way to the Supreme Court in the four years of taking on the case to get the verdict in favor of Windsor and thus marriage equality, DOMA is unconstitutional and discriminatory against a set of married classes. Through the journey of filings, the personal history of Robbie, a lesbian herself, Windsor, and her love and dedication to Thea, we get the humanity behind the case as well as other cases that have been brought up in the long battle for marriage equality. Ending with the case of will the USA as a whole recognizes marriage for all. This 12-hour audiobook covers the impressive ground of broad details to little ones such as Windsor being allergic to all alcohol except for vodca to general ways courts operate.
February 1, 2017
What a wonderful read! The story of a Supreme Court case, might be dry and uninteresting - particularly to someone with zero law background like myself. However, Kaplan does such a lovely job of intertwining her own personal story, as well as that of Edie Windsor, the plaintiff in the famous case, with the background, historical context and narrative of the case itself and how it came to the Supreme Court.
This case was personal to me, certainly. My wife and I had been married for 16 years and our son was 8. We had recently emerged victorious from a 18 month hateful, lying, anti-marriage campaign here in Minnesota. And the momentum of the "mean thing backfiring" as my son called it, had propelled us to actually achieve marriage equality at the state level. Then Windsor happened and we found we had federal marriage equality as well.
Yet, I only knew the little bit about Edie Windsor I had read in news articles at the time. And I didn't know anything Robbie Kaplan, the author and lawyer who argued the case. It was a deep pleasure to learn about them both and have this behind-the-scenes tour of the case that directly effected myself and my family.
It is a true American tale. The best of what we are and what always hope to be.
This case was personal to me, certainly. My wife and I had been married for 16 years and our son was 8. We had recently emerged victorious from a 18 month hateful, lying, anti-marriage campaign here in Minnesota. And the momentum of the "mean thing backfiring" as my son called it, had propelled us to actually achieve marriage equality at the state level. Then Windsor happened and we found we had federal marriage equality as well.
Yet, I only knew the little bit about Edie Windsor I had read in news articles at the time. And I didn't know anything Robbie Kaplan, the author and lawyer who argued the case. It was a deep pleasure to learn about them both and have this behind-the-scenes tour of the case that directly effected myself and my family.
It is a true American tale. The best of what we are and what always hope to be.
October 15, 2017
I read this book for research for a novel I'm writing. I wanted to know what it was like to be the plaintiff in a civil rights case that made it to the Supreme Court. What I did not expect was just how much I would connect to the story. Both Edie Windsor and her lawyer, Roberta Kaplan (also the book's author) were Jewish. As a Queer Jewish woman, I connected to these women's stories on a personal level. This book is at once about a historic moment and current events. United States v. Windsor changed so much for LGBT couples, making it a historic ruling, yet it happened so recently that there are references in the story to iPhones, for example. I read this book to learn; I did not expect it to touch me so personally. I'm glad I picked it up.
June 11, 2018
United States v. Windsor is already lauded as a landmark case and there is no doubt that it will eventually join the pantheon of other civil rights cases. The kind of cases which are required reading for anyone wanting to join the law profession or the kind of cases that make it into our history books.
Then Comes Marriage is the deeply personal but always insightful take on the case and events of Roberta Kaplan's own life that led her to representing the plaintiffs in the case.
While the prose sometimes leaves something to be desired (Kaplan is a lawyer, not an author after all), it would be near impossible to not find yourself rooting for her and the plaintiffs before the end of the book despite already knowing the verdict.
Then Comes Marriage is the deeply personal but always insightful take on the case and events of Roberta Kaplan's own life that led her to representing the plaintiffs in the case.
While the prose sometimes leaves something to be desired (Kaplan is a lawyer, not an author after all), it would be near impossible to not find yourself rooting for her and the plaintiffs before the end of the book despite already knowing the verdict.
July 17, 2017
Part memoir, part history, part lesson on the workings of Constitutional law and the appellate court system, superbly written. I listened to the audiobook read by Andrea Gallo, who told the already engaging story brilliantly. Reading this is crucial to understanding what Kaplan calls the "sea change" that occurred between 1996 and 2013 in regards to the American understanding of homosexuality and marriage equality.
April 19, 2019
Although a dry read, it continues like a mystery unfolding as it presents the narrative of how DOMA was ruled as unconstitutional by the Supreme Court thanks to a courageous woman: Edie Windsor. BRAVO to her and Roberta Kaplan, the lawyer who wrote this and along with her team helped this happen for all Americans, not just the LBGTQ community.
November 9, 2022
Greatly enjoyed this, both as a memoir and as an excellent behind the scenes account of United States v. Windsor. Told with plenty of insight and humour, with the legalese one would expect to find in a book written by a lawyer about an important court case not so prevalent that someone outside the legal profession would have trouble keeping up.
July 10, 2018
In spite of the facts that I have numerous friends that are gay and have always supported their equality, I knew very little about the incredible legal journey that was fought for them to have those rights. This was a readable look at that very journey.
April 1, 2019
This book, which is largely a legal case history, made me cry. It's a compelling story of a few pieces of the legal history of marriage equality in the United States, but beyond that it's a beautiful personal narrative about love and marriage and the significance and impact of legal recognition.
May 15, 2020
Not only does this cover the legal case, but it tells the story of how everyone got to this point in their lives. It is so much deeper than just a legal case. It is a love story of everyone who worked on this case.
December 30, 2017
To read about how Windsor and Oberfell were taken to the Supreme Court and won was very powerful.
January 11, 2018
Yes, this book should be on your list even if you already know the ending.
January 22, 2021
A non fiction about the significant lives of many and their contributions in the overturning of DOMA. A well written book. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
May 1, 2023
Great insight to a very important issue. There are a few parts of the story I find dissapointing, but I believe those point us to the point in time of which the story was written.
May 17, 2023
Fierce personal story - resistance and persistence. Inspiring.
June 17, 2024
A truly inspirational story and a stark reminder of how far we have come in just the past decade or so. The writing was engaging, and I appreciated learning about Robbie Kaplan's own experiences that made this battle so personal. We need people like this to look up to. The story of Edie and Thea's love was profound, and we should all be so lucky to know a love like that.
January 13, 2025
Best book I read this year. So inspiring. I was crying on the metro daily.
March 6, 2017
I don't love reading non-fiction, but I was interested in learning more about the advancements of marriage equality. This narrative was well-written, engaging and touching.
April 17, 2016
Non-Fiction
Written by Roberta Kaplan, an attorney into whose lap fell a challenge to a law that would take her before the U.S. Supreme Court, arguing that the DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) was a case of discrimination.
Defendant Edie Windsor and her life partner Thea Spyer lived together for over 40 years, including decades of living with Spyer's near total paralysis from multiple sclerosis. Just before Spyer's death from MS, they were legally married in Canada. The U.S. government did not recognize legal marriage for same-sex partners at that time, due to DOMA, and Edie was hit with a $663,000 estate tax bill.
Author Kaplan, herself a lesbian, deftly weaves a picture of her own person doubts, suffering, and self-loathing, realizing at age 14 that there was something different about her, something that must remain hidden. It was not until she was attending Harvard in 1984 that this terrible secret burden on her soul evolved into the question, "what if I am gay?". Several years later, while attending Columbia Law School, Kaplan was still terrified of the consequences as coming out as gay, even to her gay friends.
When Edie Windsor and Roberta Kaplan met, their 3 year journey to the U.S. Supreme Court began. A wonderful story of the behind-the-scenes tidbits of law in the United States -- the engrossing bits and pieces that make up a trial. This book is never slow; the law on both sides comes alive. It was so interesting to see the exhaustive lengths Edie's attorneys went to in preparing for trial.
Edie and Thea's 40 year relationship is interwoven into the legal story, showing how real life people are affected by laws written and put into place by politicians, voting based on their own personal beliefs, or in response to their constituents' personal beliefs, and/or some special interest lobbying group(s) -- when the law is glaringly unconstitutional. DOMA was enacted with the specific purpose of discrimination against the LGBT community, stripping that one specific group of the dignity and right to marry. DOMA's law intentionally placed same-sex couples into a special second-class status.
Also interwoven throughout the book is a compelling look at how most of American society's views and opinions of LGBT people have evolved quickly. The author attributes this to the millions of Americans learning, over the last 20 years, that family members, friends, adult children, co-workers, neighbors, etc. are LGTB. That people have come to know people close to them who are LGTB seems to have been the most important factor in changing the hearts and minds of Americans so quickly.
I very much enjoyed learning more about the Jewish faith, traditions and religious observances. Kaplan and her wife are both Jewish (they now also have a young son).
Written by Roberta Kaplan, an attorney into whose lap fell a challenge to a law that would take her before the U.S. Supreme Court, arguing that the DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) was a case of discrimination.
Defendant Edie Windsor and her life partner Thea Spyer lived together for over 40 years, including decades of living with Spyer's near total paralysis from multiple sclerosis. Just before Spyer's death from MS, they were legally married in Canada. The U.S. government did not recognize legal marriage for same-sex partners at that time, due to DOMA, and Edie was hit with a $663,000 estate tax bill.
Author Kaplan, herself a lesbian, deftly weaves a picture of her own person doubts, suffering, and self-loathing, realizing at age 14 that there was something different about her, something that must remain hidden. It was not until she was attending Harvard in 1984 that this terrible secret burden on her soul evolved into the question, "what if I am gay?". Several years later, while attending Columbia Law School, Kaplan was still terrified of the consequences as coming out as gay, even to her gay friends.
When Edie Windsor and Roberta Kaplan met, their 3 year journey to the U.S. Supreme Court began. A wonderful story of the behind-the-scenes tidbits of law in the United States -- the engrossing bits and pieces that make up a trial. This book is never slow; the law on both sides comes alive. It was so interesting to see the exhaustive lengths Edie's attorneys went to in preparing for trial.
Edie and Thea's 40 year relationship is interwoven into the legal story, showing how real life people are affected by laws written and put into place by politicians, voting based on their own personal beliefs, or in response to their constituents' personal beliefs, and/or some special interest lobbying group(s) -- when the law is glaringly unconstitutional. DOMA was enacted with the specific purpose of discrimination against the LGBT community, stripping that one specific group of the dignity and right to marry. DOMA's law intentionally placed same-sex couples into a special second-class status.
Also interwoven throughout the book is a compelling look at how most of American society's views and opinions of LGBT people have evolved quickly. The author attributes this to the millions of Americans learning, over the last 20 years, that family members, friends, adult children, co-workers, neighbors, etc. are LGTB. That people have come to know people close to them who are LGTB seems to have been the most important factor in changing the hearts and minds of Americans so quickly.
I very much enjoyed learning more about the Jewish faith, traditions and religious observances. Kaplan and her wife are both Jewish (they now also have a young son).
December 30, 2015
Normally I would question including so much of the lawyer's backstory but in this case, I understand. The journeys of Roberta Kaplan, Edie Windsor, and Thea Spyer were so interesting and it really seems like they all came together in a serendipitous way to take on this battle together. It was the right people at the right place at the right time.
It's no secret what this book is about so if you're interested, you won't be disappointed. It presented the behind-the-scenes of how they prepared but it wasn't dry. I learned new things, not only about this case but also about the Supreme Court in general.
And now I want to grab some Kleenex and watch the documentary about Edie and Thea.
A Few Quotes from the Book
"One of the great benefits of marriage is that it gives couples the opportunity to experience their community rallying around them, to feel the support of loved ones who pledge to celebrate the joyous moments but also to be there for them during the dark times as well. Gay people were never allowed to have that community support, and I think it wounded many of us in many ways. Because we had always been excluded from marriage, many of us had never fully understood what is at the core of the marriage experience - that it is not simply a relationship between two people, but also a relationship between a couple and their larger community."
"The footage is a little shaky, the sound quality isn't great, but there they are: Thea, dressed in a black suit and white turtleneck, a corsage of two red roses pinned to her lapel, and Edie, perched on the armrest of Thea's wheelchair, wearing a cream-colored suit and a string of pearls. It is May 22, 2007, and after more than forty years together, seventy-seven-year-old Edie Windsor and seventy-five-year-old Thea Spyer are finally getting married."
"In order to make sure I kept my focus where it needed to be, I wrote the following five words on a Post-it note, which I stuck to my laptop screen: "It's all about Edie, stupid."...I wanted to make sure that in all the writing and rewriting, all the back and forth about strategy and tactics and angles, I did not lose sight of the single most important part of our case."
Find all my reviews at: http://readingatrandom.blogspot.com/
It's no secret what this book is about so if you're interested, you won't be disappointed. It presented the behind-the-scenes of how they prepared but it wasn't dry. I learned new things, not only about this case but also about the Supreme Court in general.
And now I want to grab some Kleenex and watch the documentary about Edie and Thea.
A Few Quotes from the Book
"One of the great benefits of marriage is that it gives couples the opportunity to experience their community rallying around them, to feel the support of loved ones who pledge to celebrate the joyous moments but also to be there for them during the dark times as well. Gay people were never allowed to have that community support, and I think it wounded many of us in many ways. Because we had always been excluded from marriage, many of us had never fully understood what is at the core of the marriage experience - that it is not simply a relationship between two people, but also a relationship between a couple and their larger community."
"The footage is a little shaky, the sound quality isn't great, but there they are: Thea, dressed in a black suit and white turtleneck, a corsage of two red roses pinned to her lapel, and Edie, perched on the armrest of Thea's wheelchair, wearing a cream-colored suit and a string of pearls. It is May 22, 2007, and after more than forty years together, seventy-seven-year-old Edie Windsor and seventy-five-year-old Thea Spyer are finally getting married."
"In order to make sure I kept my focus where it needed to be, I wrote the following five words on a Post-it note, which I stuck to my laptop screen: "It's all about Edie, stupid."...I wanted to make sure that in all the writing and rewriting, all the back and forth about strategy and tactics and angles, I did not lose sight of the single most important part of our case."
Find all my reviews at: http://readingatrandom.blogspot.com/
February 23, 2017
Gay rights
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