Desires in Conflict: Hope for Men Who Struggle with Sexual Identity

by Joe Dallas

For more than a decade, Desires in Conflict has been the definitive "must-read" for those who wonder "Can a homosexual change?" This new edition with updated information offers more compelling reasons why the answer is "yes!" "I read Desires in Conflict for the first time when I was 19...More than a decade later, I am free of desires that once held me captive, strong in my faith, married to my amazing wife, Leslie, and currently the Executive Director of Exodus International, North America. The Lord used Desires in Conflict to help guide me out of homosexuality. Joe Dallas has eternally impacted a generation of young people like me." Alan Chambers
Executive Director
Exodus International

Genres: Sexuality

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1991

About the author

I'm a Christian author, husband and father of two, married to my lovely wife Renee since 1987. We fellowship at Newport Mesa Church in Orange County, CA, and I run a ministry in Tustin, CA, called Genesis Counseling. Most of my writing has focused on sexual issues from a conservative Christian perspective, and since 1987, I've been honored to work with men who want to resolve conflicts between their sexual behavior and their relationship with Christ.

Reviews

[Eric Riddle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was one of the first books I read when I decided to change the way I wanted to live my life. It was very eye-opening and amazed me how pinpoint accurate it was addressing what was going on inside of me. I would recommend this to anyone with these struggles and to anyone who loves someone with these struggles.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is worth your time. Very readable. Much like a counseling conversation. It is practical, applicable, and systematic; not at all unrealistic, but it gives hope. A wonderful testimony of the hope all people have in the Gospel, no matter the sin or temptation.

While it is written primarily to men, many principles apply to women.

I'm not sure if I've ever read a book on this topic that provides such a clear, concise step-by-step instruction for those struggling with sexual sin or those trying to help someone who is struggling with sexual sin. Highly recommend.

[Jon B · Rating 1 out of 5]

I purchased this book at the suggestion of Joe Dallas in one of our first counseling sessions. The book was fine (though I personally didn't find it very helpful). I think making "orientation change" the primary objective can lead to serious problems. For some people, they might experience a change in orientation after some serious counseling but others won't. The ones who don't experience change are left wondering if they are doing it all wrong. Do I have enough faith? Am I praying right? Am I being punished for something? There isn't much in this book for those who, despite their best efforts, don't experience a change in orientation.

All that said, I threw my Joe Dallas books in the trash after some one-on-one counseling sessions with Joe and here is why:

During our paid counseling sessions Joe would let the phone ring, say excuse me, then walk over to his desk and answer the phone! If that wasn't bad enough, he often ended sessions early and started them late. When I felt like we weren't making any progress I asked him if our sessions were ever going to move past family history. He said we would start talking more about solutions (changes in behavior/thinking etc) the following week but then he stopped showing up to our appointments. No Call. No Email. Nothing.

When I showed up to his office for our regular meeting time his office was locked. I knocked several times. I waited for almost an hour to see if he would show up. I figured he probably just forgot about the session. I called his office to reschedule but I got an answering machine. I left a message but I never received a call back. I showed up the next week during our regular time and his office was locked again! I called again and told him that I was worried about him because this was the second week he missed our appointment. I told him if he needed to move our appointment time, I could do that. I never heard back.

For some reason, Joe just stopped showing up to our counseling appointments. I've always wondered all these years why he just quit. As someone who was overwhelmed with what people thought about him, this was devastating for me.

I threw away all of Joe Dallas' books (including this one). If that is how an author (who claims to want to help struggling believers) treats his counseling clients then I have no interest in studying his materials. Whenever I read a church article and Joe Dallas' name comes up--I stop reading it immediately. When I hear about him speaking at some conference or some church event, I cringe.
If you're thinking about seeing Joe Dallas, please take my advice--don't. Contact Applied Biblical Counseling instead. I stayed there for almost 4 years and my life has changed drastically for the better.

As for reading material, I would recommend Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill and anything by Patrick Carnes. I found those materials to be much more helpful.

[J.R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book for a person dealing with the conflict in homosexuality. I wanted a better idea on how to understand the struggle someone may have in this and help them come closer to God. I'd definitely recommend this if someone is wanting to make those gradual steps and direction to love Christ.

[Bryan Martínez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good resource for someone fighting that battle or someone who wants to be prepared to walk alongside someone’s fighting. Sometimes it can get a little too general, but at the end of the book, Joe gives good and practical advices. His testimony is shocking but at the same time so enriching!

[David Gill · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ooh. That's over.

[Gregory · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very helpful book. Joe Dallas knows what he's talking about, since he pursued homosexuality for a time. Now, he has a counseling ministry for men who struggle with all types of sexual addiction and sin. What I found most interesting was his point that our culture really doesn't have a place for deep male friendships. Guys that struggle with homosexual attraction usually have deep problems relating to their father and/or other men. Ironically, they tend to idealize masculinity because of their own problems with being masculine. Dallas argues that men struggling with sexual sins really need to develop strong male friendships. This also provides accountability. Sexual sin thrives in the dark. If we let others into our struggles, we find that we aren't the only ones struggling in this area. We also gain confidence, knowing that others are cheering us on, and holding us accountable.

Highly recommended.

[Brian · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was challenged by someone that I really do respect to give this book a read and give him my opinion.
Well, it wasn't an easy thing to do. The book was easy to read, it went by rather quickly, but the Ideas of the book took me longer to process. but
I can see where the author is coming from (he made it rather clear) but I just could not accept his over all basis for a point of view.
From the life that I have lived, from the people that I have met, his assumptions just don't work. They do not fit.
Many times I have met Men that fit a certain category, but they also fit another category.....
I have no answers, but I'm pretty sure that this book is not the answers that men our looking for,
If they look to this for Answer, they'll be disappointed.

[Josh Proctor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I began reading this book a long time ago and finally read the whole thing now. It is a great book for men who desire to walk out of homosexuality. It was written more than twenty years ago yet shows the timeless message that men find freedom from homosexuality. It is not about becoming straight but growing in the grace of God and sexual maturity. It gives practical advice of what it means to leave homosexuality, what things are linked to the issue, and what steps to take as you begin and continue on the journey.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Everyone needs to read this book whether or not you or someone you know is struggling w/ homosexuality. We so often judge w/ out pausing to look at the hurts and hangups people may have. This book put things in perspective.

[Aaron · Rating 1 out of 5]

A silly little book by a hetero-wannabe fooling himself and everyone who's "interested" in changing their sexuality. Do yourself a favor and spend the money on some beer at the nearest gay bar.

[Daniel Levesque · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wait. The Author's name is "Joe Dallas"? Very butch, Joe. Religious vomit.