High Conflict People in Legal Disputes

by Bill Eddy

People with high conflict personalities (HCPs) clog our courts as plaintiffs with inappropriate claims against their personal "targets of blame," and as defendants who have harmed others and need to be stopped. Everybody knows someone with a High Conflict Personality. "How can he be so unreasonable?" "Why does she keep fighting? Can't she see how destructive she is?" "Can you believe they're going to court over ______?" Some HCPs are more difficult than others, but they tend to share a similar preoccupation with blame that drives them into one dispute after another—and keeps everyone perplexed about how to deal with them. Using case examples and an analysis of the general litigation and negotiation behaviors of HCPs, this book helps make sense of the fears that drive people to file lawsuits and complaints. It provides insight for containing their behavior while managing and/or resolving their disputes. Characteristics of the five "high-conflict" personality disorders are BorderlineNarcissistic Histrionic ParanoidAntisocial Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, and President of the High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory and is an international expert on the subject. He is a Certified Family Law Specialist and Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center. He has taught at the University of San Diego School of Law, is on the part-time faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College, and lectures at Monash University in Australia.

Genres: Legal, Law, Psychology, Mental Health

277 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the President of High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory (HCP Theory) and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high conflict personalities and personality disorders. He provides training on this subject to lawyers, judges, mediators, managers, human resource professionals, businesspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners’ association managers, ombudspersons, law enforcement, therapists and others. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 25 states, several provinces in Canada, Australia, France and Sweden.

As an attorney, Bill is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California and the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego. Prior to becoming an attorney in 1992, he was a Licensed Clinical Social worker with twelve years’ experience providing therapy to children, adults, couples and families in psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics. He has taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law for six years and he is on the part-time faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College. He is the author of numerous articles and several books, including:

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
It’s All YOUR Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns

He is also the developer of the “New Ways for Families” method of managing potentially high conflict families in and out of family court. He is currently developing a method for managing potentially high conflict employees titled “New Ways for Work.”

Reviews

[Jane Minieri]

Some very interesting and informative insight into navigating high conflict personalities that I think can be abstracted into most conflict resolution procedures.

[Victor Bevz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book. Sometimes I found the tone too informal, but Eddy's aim was to make the text accessible. It names four "high conflict personalities" (HCPs): borderline, narcissistic, histrionic and anti-social. It gives detailed accounts of the traits that constitute them, typical patterns of behaviour, emotional needs and pitfalls for advocates.

Eddy disclaims early on that these aren't perfect categories. He then contends that you have to know what kind of HCP you're dealing with to manage the relationship with care., which still indirectly encourages armchair diagnosis.

The book helped me to reflect on strange encounters I've had in paralegal work. One concept that resonated with me was the "narcissistic injury". In a nutshell, a narcissist may interpret being treated like everyone else as a kind of disrespect, which is an attack on their core belief that they are better than everyone else. Eddy, ever practical, suggests resisting the adversarial urge to put them in their place and instead throwing them a modest bone to make them feel like they are special without letting them trample you.

[Joseph Mercado · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been speaking with a lot of civil litigators and a consistent complaint about legal practice was dealing with difficult parties. It was interesting to read passages from Mr. Eddy's book and have many of the circumstances that lawyers described to me show up on my kindle. I think this is a testament to how relevant this book is. I think litigators (aspiring and current) should definitely read this book.

A section that stood out to me was Mr. Eddy's discussion of what the role of a lawyer is and the impact of negative advocates in legal disputes. In addition to having clear boundaries, Mr. Eddie highlights that legal advocates should be wary of playing the "saviour" and losing healthy skepticism and objectivity. This does not necessarily mean that advocates should not represent a suspected high conflict personality (as even high conflict personalities may still be victims of a wrong - despite what initial impressions indicate), but that advocates need to know their role in the legal system (knowing their role means knowing their boundaries) and act in ways that will avoid unnecessary conflict and help the parties resolve their issues (this means not enabling, whether intentionally or not, high conflict parties to abuse legal systems).

[Paul King · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read on various types of High Conflict Personalities including Borderline Personality Disorder. How to understand, navigate, language communications, seek responses. Written by an attorney and counselor, it is a very practical guide.

[C G · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half (could be rated 4 stars) is more useful than the last half.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very useful book that highlights and describes some of the behavior that we seen in others (difficult, that is) and how to deal with it more effectively. Written by a social worker, family law specialist, and mediator, multiple perspectives are represented by the author. It provides a potentially effective tool for dealing with the difficult others who grace us with their presence in our lives.

[J Coy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read, practical. Explicitly intended for attorney use, providing a general understanding of personality disorders and more significantly, characteristics of them that drive conflict, and best to deal with them. But, an insightful and useful book for anyone to read.

[❈ Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book when dealing with a hostile mom who is willing to use her child as a pawn to hurt us during court. A must read!

[Corinne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend to family law practitioners. I've already incorporated some of his recommendations with success. I'm buying a copy for my office.